Let's Watch This: An Episode of "Goof Troop"

I was introduced to Goof Troop through reruns - specifically, the reruns that aired on Toon Disney. Same goes for most other Disney Afternoon shows like Chip 'n' Dale's Rescue Rangers, Darkwing Duck, and Gargoyles. Y'know what episode I distinctively remember watching? The episode where Max films a video of Goofy to submit to a parody of America's Funniest Home Videos and then Pete disguises himself as Goofy to claim the prize for himself. I remember loving the joke where Pete's wife claims that her secret weapon against Pete is her mouth.

If you watched the Disney Afternoon when it was on, or watched reruns of the shows on Toon Disney like I did, chances are you don't need to be told what the premise of the show was. But for those of you that didn't, I'll fill you in - there were a couple of shorts where Goofy was shown as the father of a redheaded boy named Junior. This show brought back the "Goofy as a father" concept, turning Junior into the much "hipper" eleven-year-old Max, who has since become a recurring character in "Mickey Mouse and Friends" productions. Goofy, voiced by Bill Farmer, and Max, voiced by Dana Hill, lived in the suburban town of Spoonerville. Goofy being... well, Goofy, hijinks ensued, especially when the neighbors got involved. Those neighbors? Mickey's foe Pete, voiced by Jim Cummings, his wife Peg, voiced by April Winchell, and their two children: Max's best buddy PJ, voiced by Rob Paulsen, and rambunctious daughter Pistol, voiced by Nancy Cartwright.

Goof Troop was created by Michael Peraza Jr., the latter of whom talked about the show's development on his blog. Apparently, when he was brought in, they still had no idea what they wanted the show to be other than "Goofy is the main character". Tons of ideas for a hypothetical premise, all of them whipped up by the same creative executive who'd just been hired, were thrown out: one minute Goofy was the head scoutmaster of a group of scouts (which is why the show we got is called "Goof TROOP"), then he was a firefighter, then he was a detective, then he was a "swash-buckling hero fighting the Flying Dutchman". That same creative executive also came up with bizarre supporting casts for these premises that included alien dragon babies and giant gorillas (somebody in Disney's television department apparently thought giant gorillas were hilarious, which explains why there were episodes of both Chip 'n' Dale's Rescue Rangers AND Darkwing Duck with giant gorillas in them [and why there was a giant gorilla in Marsupilami]).

Concept art by Michael for the "Goofy as a detective" pitch.

Eventually, the idea became to do a show starring Goofy in Toontown from Who Framed Roger Rabbit (which had recently been screened at the studio). He would be the driver of Benny the Cab, who was promptly replaced by a talking SUV named Woody. Michael Peraza Jr. explained to the executive why this wasn't such a good idea - what made Toontown work in the movie was the crossover of the live action world with the zany animated world where everything from the trees to the buildings was alive. And if Goofy is shown in a GOOFY world, is he still really Goofy? Not to mention they likely wouldn't get the rights to use all the same cartoon characters from non-Disney studios the movie did. The executive didn't listen and just told him to whip up some concept art.

Then Michael got a call from Gary Krisel, the president of Walt Disney Television Animation, who wanted to check on the progress of the Goofy show. Upon arriving at Gary's office, Michael explained that he didn't think they had a show to present yet and talked to him about all the different scenarios that had been started. When he got to the "Goofy in Toontown" pitch, he explained why he didn't think it would work and Gary agreed completely before asking Michael what HE would do. Michael had this to say: "Goofy is a recognized star of Disney animation, so why re-invent the wheel? His son is an average kid dealing with many of the usual issues they face: peer pressure, young love, grades, school bullies, and so on. On top of all that, he has the zaniest, wackiest GOOFIEST dad to live down. No matter how insane the situations get though, they will always love each other. They're a family." Gary loved the idea and told him to get started. Robert Taylor was brought in to produce the project, and before long the show was premiering in syndication on September 5th, 1992. Two seasons were produced, making for a total of seventy-eight episodes, plus a Christmas special.

Today, you can find episodes of Goof Troop on Disney Plus (a handful of episodes were also released on DVD). We're going to watch the thirty-third episode of the show, "A Goof of the People". Why this episode in particular? Because I'm writing this review on Earth Day and according to TV Tropes, this one has an environmental message. This is Goof Troop!

NOTE: For some reason, despite Wikipedia claiming that this is the thirty-third episode, Disney Plus lists it as the thirty-NINTH episode. Very strange...

Goofy's house has, at least in this episode, a giant factory topped with smokestacks that spew out clouds of gas behind it. Clouds of gas that do not agree with Goofy's garden of sentient flowers, much to his dismay. Max is spewing out something, too - exposition. Apparently, the gas that's got Goofy's garden gasping and gagging (try saying THAT three times fast!) is pollution from the new SlimeCo factory. Honestly, can you imagine doing business with a company called SLIMECO? The name just SCREAMS "corrupt", doesn't it?

Has Goofy ALWAYS had such wide shoulders?

Goofy then gives Max what looks like an empty jar, but is actually a jar of fresh air he's been saving for years. Since it's so much cleaner than the air they have now, he decides to go to the SlimeCo factory and give them a piece of his mind. I do hope they'll listen to him and aren't just stock cartoon villains who get a sadistic thrill out of polluting the environment.

"This jar contains all of the reasons to go see the Snow White remake."

"But Dad, it's just an empty jar."

"Exactly! A-hyuck!"

Upon arriving at the factory, Goofy meets the owner of SlimeCo, Fenton Sludge, and dear lord is this guy hideous. The toad-colored skin, the warts, the stains on his suit... he's quite possibly the grossest character Disney has ever created. Just looking at him makes me feel filthy. He looks like something that crawled out of the Black Lagoon.

Is this the result of a Beagle Boy mating with a toad?

Animation Error #1 rears its ugly (though not quite as ugly as Mr. Sludge) head: one minute Goofy is wearing his usual orange shirt, the next he's in a blue suit. But there's no time to worry about that, because Mr. Sludge wants to take Goofy on a tour of his factory. What does SlimeCo do? Something involving toxic waste. "I love the smell of toxic waste in the morning. It smells like... MONEY," Mr. Sludge purrs. Goofy, once again wearing his usual orange shirt, tells Mr. Sludge that SlimeCo needs to stop polluting, but Mr. Sludge isn't a huge fan of that idea. It's here that we finally get to see Mr. Sludge's lower half... tell me, do YOU see anything strange about it?

He's got no legs! If they were going to make it a twist that Mr. Sludge was actually some sort of slime monster, they kind of gave it away just now. Although this does explain the green skin. Now that I think about it, why didn't Goofy comment on this at all? Did he just not look down and notice Mr. Sludge's lack of legs?

Well, anyhow, Mr. Sludge claims that clean air and water would cost him three cents a day... for some reason. However, after calming down, he says that he'll bring it up at the next board meeting and gives Goofy a couple of SlimeCo souvenirs. Then he pushes Goofy out the door.

Goofy learns the hard way that it's not a good idea to throw off Mr. Sludge's groove.

After Animation Error #2 (Mr. Sludge's ears vanishing), Goofy heads home and tells Max that "Mr. Sludge seemed like a real nice feller". Methinks Goofy's not a very good judge of character. Fortunately, Max has been studying politics in school and he knows what's really going on here: Mr. Sludge doesn't think he has to listen to Goofy because Goofy's just a normal citizen without any power. What to do? Well, it just so happens that there's a special election for mayor of Spoonerville on its way, and Max suggests that Goofy throw his hat into the ring.

"But Maxie, I'm no politician," Goofy points out. Max gives him a book called How to Be a Politican that will tell him everything he needs to know. What's there to know? Today, all you have to do to get ahead in politics is act like an idiot. Just look at Donald Trump!

"Gwarsh, Chapter 1 is all about pullin' statements outta your rear. And Chapter 2 focuses on
what to do if those fellers on Saturday Night Live make fun of you..."

This is the cue for the episode to turn into one of those "How To" shorts starring Goofy. You know those shorts, don't you? Where Goofy is subjected to WHACKY SHENANIGANS while a narrator blathers on about whatever it is he's trying to accomplish? They never stopped doing those. Even during the pandemic, Disney produced shorts like this. Well, several episodes of Goof Troop had segments that harkened back to these shorts. That's pretty neat.

Chapter 1 of the book focuses on getting elected - which involves shaking a lot of hands. Chapter 2 is about kissing babies... is this something that people running for mayor or president or whatever still do? I feel like nowadays it'd just be a good way to get cancelled. Especially if you get confused like Goofy does and wind up kissing somebody who is clearly not a baby.

"At least buy me dinner first!"

Then Goofy runs into Pete, who laughs his head off at the thought of a GOOF like Goofy being mayor... before he realizes that if HE were mayor, he could take long vacations and ride in big "limo-zeen-ies".

Nice of him to make Goofy his chauffeur.

So he tells Goofy that he really doesn't want to be mayor. "It's the job for suckers," he claims. "Everybody's screaming 'Fix the potholes!' 'Lower the taxes!' 'Build a highway!' HA! Who needs that kind of aggrivation?!" But then Goofy brings up that he's running to stop SlimeCo's polluting and that everybody he's talked to says they're gonna vote for him. This gives Pete another idea...

Considering what a schemer he is, Pete would probably be perfect for politics.

Pete tells his family that he's going to run for mayor so that he can stop pollution. Peg is skeptical - it wasn't long ago that he was taking smog devices off the RVs he sells, littering, and talking about how "recycling is for suckers". But he manages to convince him that he's for all intents and purposes Captain Planet.

...so, does Pete actually intend on stopping pollution when he becomes mayor or is he just saying that to get votes? It's not one hundred percent clear.

Okay, so Pete and PJ are cats... what are Peg and Pistol supposed to be? Dogs?

Goofy gives a speech about how he's going to bring down SlimeCo, then Pete gives the EXACT SAME SPEECH across town. Upon seeing this, Mr. Sludge is not pleased - not because he hates copycats (hey, that's a pun! Since, y'know, Pete is a cat), but because two candidates promising to end pollution means he'll have to pay three cents a day for clean air and water. "I simply MUST get one of them in my control..." he snarls. His choices are kindhearted, well-intentioned Goofy and the show's de facto main antagonist with the morals of a pickpocket who's only running so he can go on long vacations and ride in big "limo-zeen-ies", Pete. Not too hard to guess which one they're going to bribe...

I wonder if Mr. Sludge is what happens when Tasty Paste goes bad.

Mr. Sludge invites Pete to take a tour of his factory, claiming that he's planning to donate to his campaign fund. Unsurprisingly, it's pretty easy for him to bribe Pete into abandoning the anti-pollution thing. Pete gets into office, he makes sure SlimeCo stays in business and continues to pollute forever. Then the greenhouse gases do their thing, the polar ice caps melt, and the world is flooded. Hope you buy a houseboat with all that money you're getting, Pete.

Also, again, Pete doesn't even bring up the fact that Mr. Sludge is a slime monster. Maybe he's just too crazy with greed to care.

[Insert joke about Bob Iger here]

There's just one problem (aside from the whole "Pete contributing to the melting of the polar ice caps" thing) - everybody loves Goofy because he's honest, kindhearted, and wants to stop pollution. So Pete makes up bullcrap claims about Goofy lying that the lake is polluted and unsafe to swim in. To demonstrate, he jumps into the lake and starts swimming around in it, because apparently he's a massive idiot.

Yeah, Pete, swim in what looks less like water and more like green modeling clay, the stuff
that's been polluted by a company that sells TOXIC WASTE. Do you WANT to grow a lizard's
tail or ostrich legs or something?

It doesn't work. Pete just winds up making a fool out of himself (as per usual). So then he starts giving out free watches and tricks Goofy into skipping the parade and telling a bunch of cows to vote for him... which just leads to him winning the rural vote because the cows are registered voters. Mr. Sludge decides to take matters into his own grimy hands.

The candidates have a debate at Pete's car lot. Pete, again, makes a fool out of himself, but then Mr. Sludge shows up with photos of multiple barrels of toxic waste being stored in Goofy's garage. So now everyone is calling Goofy a traitor, because Mr. Sludge is clearly such a trustworthy fellow, isn't he? Fortunately, Goofy and Max notice a trail of slime leading out of the garage, and Goofy knows who left that trail...

"Let's see, which one do I throw at Mr. Sludge's head?"

Goofy goes to SlimeCo and calls out Mr. Sludge for putting toxic waste in his garage. However, their argument is interrupted by Melvin turning on the television, showing a report about a monster made of toxic waste emerging from Goofy's garage and heading down the highway to wreak havoc and probably mutate a few citizens while it's at it. Apparently Goofy didn't know that exposing those barrels to sunlight would cause the toxic waste inside to mutate and come alive. Totally how toxic waste works, right?

Didn't this guy first appear in an episode of The New Adventures of Winnie the Pooh? Y'know,
the one where they went under Christopher Robin's bed? There were sentient crayons and stuff?




Yeah, that was a pretty strange show, wasn't it?

So now is it up to Goofy, Max, and the Petes to defeat the evil toxic waste monster? Will we get an epic fight scene? Nope, instead Goofy just opens up his bottle of fresh air and the monster is kaput. What an anti-climax.

"WHAT'S IN THAT BOTTLE?!" Mr. Sludge yells. "I MUST KNOW! IT COULD BE WORTH A FORTUNE!" Goofy, channeling Bugs Bunny, tells him to take a whiff. Mr. Sludge does... and fresh air has a very strange effect on HIM, too. After "letting off a little steam" (as Goofy puts it), Mr. Sludge turns into... this guy:

I guess this is what Mr. Sludge looked like before he started getting involved with toxic waste and pollution and stuff (how exactly did he turn into a slime monster again? Are we going to get an explanation?). And now he's going to devote his life to stopping pollution. Goofy: one, pollution: zilch.

So Mr. Sludge tears down his factory and builds a ballet school. Goofy wins the election by a landslide and gives Pete a position at City Hall - as his chauffeur. Well, at least Pete's still getting to ride around in a big "limo-zeen-ie". I assume that Goofy isn't the mayor in any episodes released after this one, which you'd think would render the entire episode pointless, but eh, it's still not as frustrating as the episodes of SpongeBob released after the first movie ignoring that the events of said movie ever happened.

I don't know about you, but I'd much rather have Goofy as my president than Donald Trump.

What's the Verdict?

So that's Goof Troop, and it's about what you'd expect. Let's take Goofy and Pete and put 'em in the suburbs (kind of a predecessor to The Looney Tunes Show now that I think of it). The animation is decent (though there are some errors), the jokes range from pretty funny to at least sort of funny, the voice actors all do a good job, and the characters are all fun to watch. It's certainly not the BEST show to come out of the Disney Afternoon - I mean, it's good, but it's no Darkwing Duck. But if you're goofy for Goofy, I'd recommend giving it a watch. Besides, if nothing else, it gave us A Goofy Movie... you've gotta give it credit for THAT.

Further reading:
- Michael Peraza Jr.'s two blog posts about the show's creation
- Platypus Comix's review of an episode where Max and PJ convince their town that aliens are invading
- Platypus Comix's review of the Christmas special (you might want to save this one for December)

This review has been brought to you by...

That Betty Boop musical was a success, so somebody asked the question "What if we made Broadway shows about MORE iconic cartoon characters?". The answer to that question is THIS.

Rocky and Bullwinkle: The Moose-ical takes the moose and squirrel from the small screen on your television to the Theater District. You will believe that a squirrel (or at least some thespian in an aviator's helmet and grey clothes) can fly as the madcap world of Frostbite Falls unfolds onstage. You'll be on the edge of your seat, super-invested in Bullwinkle's determination to finally pull a rabbit - not a lion, not a tiger, not a bear, a RABBIT - out of his hat. You'll be tapping your foot as the talented cast performs such fantastic musical numbers as "Nothing Up My Sleeve", "The Pottsylvanian Rag", and "A Load of Bull".

Oh, how the critics are raving about the show. In fact, EVERYBODY is raving about the show! No, really! They are! See for yourself:

"It was better than Cats! The play, not that horrid movie from 2019."
- Mark Oui, Professional Theater Critic

"I didn't hate it. I mean, it wasn't GREAT, but I could stomach it okay. I give it three stars out of five... maybe two, actually. Nah, I'll stick with three. I'm feeling generous."
- Some random guy we saw walking out of the theater

"Move over, Hamilton! This is one of the best musicals that I've ever seen! The BEST! Everybody should go see it right now!"
- An anonymous fellow who wouldn't give us their name, but who had antlers

If you only see one musical this year... it should probably be Wicked or The Book of Mormon. But if you only see at least THREE musicals this year, make sure one of them is Rocky and Bullwinkle: The Moose-ical! Tickets are on sale now!

DISCLAIMER: Rocky and Bullwinkle: The Moose-ical is not an actual Broadway production, at least not at the time of writing. Tickets are not, in fact, on sale now. The review that you just read is not actually brought to you by anything. Ever since my review of Sheep in the Big City, I have gotten the idea to put fake ads in reviews whenever I can't think of a genuinely funny way that is relevant to whatever I just reviewed to end it on. If somebody actually sells you tickets to Rocky and Bullwinkle: The Moose-ical, they are probably a con artist. Unless after posting this review a Broadway musical based on Rocky and Bullwinkle premieres, in which case you're good, but even then I don't know if it'll be called "Rocky and Bullwinkle: The Moose-ical" or not. Please do not sue me.

Let's Watch This: An Episode of "Danger Rangers"

I watched a lot of PBS Kids in the 2000s. I don't think a single day went by when I didn't tune in to see an episode of Arthur, Zoboomafoo, Sesame Street, or some other show that was airing on that channel at the time. And yet I have absolutely no memory of watching Danger Rangers. My introduction to it was, of all things, seeing clips of it used in a video somebody on YouTube made to a song from The Simpsons!

So what exactly IS Danger Rangers? Well, it was a cartoon show created to teach kids about safety. Apparently parents weren't doing a very good job of teaching kids, for example, to wear a helmet when riding a bicycle or call 911 in case of an emergency, so somebody thought, "Well, surely the kids will listen to a cartoon character..." Especially if that cartoon character is singing an upbeat song about it. Thus, Walter Douglas Smith Jr. and Michael D. Moore created these characters known as the Danger Rangers for the companies Educational Adventures and Animotion Works Inc. Jerry Houser, Ginny McSwain, Sean Roche, and Lucasfilm member Howard G. Kazanjian served as producers. The show's musical numbers were written by Randy Rogel of Animaniacs fame.

The Danger Rangers consist of Sully, voiced by Jerry Houser, a blue sea lion who acts as the leader of the group. He's competent, but also very goofy...

A creatively named cat named Kitty, voiced by Grey DeLisle-Griffin, Sully's second-in-command and possible love interest (because usually if the second-in-command of a team is the opposite gender of the leader, they're the love interest - Hunter and Colleen, Ace and Lexi Bunny, etc.) if I'm not looking too far into this...

Burble, voiced by Kevin Michael Richardson, a large polar bear who serves as the group's "gentle giant"...

Burt, a turtle who frequently builds inventions that help the Danger Rangers with their missions, which more or less makes him the Tech E. Coyote of the group. He is voiced by Mark Hamill, believe it or not...

Squeeky the mouse, a wisecracking smart-mouth with the voice of Rob Paulsen, which automatically makes him the best character on the show...

Gabriella, voiced by Tasia Valenza, a red hummingbird who rarely tags along on the Danger Rangers' missions, usually just staying back at headquarters and supervising. I guess there's only so much a tiny bird can do to save kids from crumbling buildings or whatever. Or maybe she's just lazy...

...and Fallbot, a John Kassir-voiced robot invented by Burt who also rarely tags along on the missions because he's a clumsy, incompetent goof (and who sounds like a cross between Pete the Puma and Bobcat Goldthwait).

Danger Rangers premiered on PBS Kids in September 2005. One season of sixteen episodes were produced, but a couple of things contributed to the show's not receiving more episodes. First of all, it only aired on select local PBS affiliates because it wasn't an in-house PBS production (maybe that's why I never saw it?). Second, at some point Educational Adventures decided to branch out into deals with Virgin Atlantic and Safe Kids Worldwide, it was hit with a lawsuit claiming that it committed fraud and financial mismanagement - bringing production of Season 2 to a screeching halt and crew members not getting paid for their work. Reruns also aired for a while on CBS' Cookie Jar TV Saturday Morning block, but the episodes were heavily edited to make room for more ads. Nonetheless, Danger Rangers has a small cult following, especially in North Korea.

How did I get into the show? I recently began watching the Annoverse's videos, and they've reviewed every single episode of the show. After watching their reviews of the first three episodes, I decided to do a review of the show myself. To make sure I didn't wind up parroting them, I'm gonna do a review of an episode that I haven't watched THEIR review of. So if I make any similar jokes, points, what have you, it's entirely coincidental. We're watching the fifth episode of the show, "Medicine Mix-Up". Let's get started, shall we?

It's a beautiful night in... whatever town this episode takes place in. The camera pans over to a candy factory where two cats are piling boxes of "Choco Chunkys" into a truck. Judging by how fat the cats are, methinks they've been helping themselves to the boxes' contents. Actually, I hope not. Chocolate is toxic to cats.

A LOT of animals can't have chocolate, so I'm not sure how well sales are doing in a world
populated by anthropomorphic animals.

The cats head into their office to do some paperwork, but as soon as they do, two mysterious figures barricade the door, trapping them inside, and steal the truck. They drive it to a strange building where they are greeted by a blue poodle with a ray gun that he zaps the boxes with. Chocolate is toxic to dogs, too, so I guess his mindset is that if HE can't eat chocolate, then NOBODY can? Talk about petty...

"I could patent this thing and make a ton of money off it, but nah, I'd much rather use it
to sabotage chocolate."

The ray gun doesn't destroy the chocolate, rather, it simply causes them to glow green for a second before the truck drives off. Who is this strange blue dog, and what does he have planned for the "Choco Chunkys"?

Well, before we can find out more, we cut to an ambulance. Inside is some poor five-year-old raccoon who drank a whole bottle of grape-flavored cough syrup unaware that it was medicine. I guess he also can't read, because don't most cough syrups have "COUGH SYRUP" written on the label in big letters somewhere so people know that it's, y'know, COUGH SYRUP? Or maybe the kid just thought that "DayQuil" was Italian for "tasty soda" or something?

I sure hope that kid's gonna be okay. In the meantime, we cut to Mount Rushmore... and no, I don't know why it depicts all four presidents as humans even though it's a world of anthropomorphic animals...

There's probably some fan theory out there that the show takes place in a post-apocalyptic
universe where humans were wiped out by a nuclear bomb or something that made all the
animals sentient.

Mount Rushmore is actually the headquarters for the Danger Rangers. At the moment, Gabriella is talking to their sentient computer, SAVO (voiced by Jonathan Harris in the pilot episode, then Charlie Adler after that), about the strange increase in children eating medicine under the impression that it's candy. They all seem to be getting to the hospital fast enough, but maybe the Danger Rangers should look into it anyway. Maybe a lot of kids have been watching those stupid Tide Pod Challenge videos on the internet.

On the way to the control room, Squeeky has to put up with Fallbot badgering him for a piece of his Choco Chunky bar. I don't know why, seeing as Fallbot is a robot and ergo doesn't have a sense of taste - he even points this out - so what exactly does he get out of eating? How does he even digest it?

I'm just now noticing that Squeeky kind of looks like a Funko Pop.

When they get to the control room, Squeeky opens up the Choco Chunky bar and discovers that it smells awful and is apparently now radioactive. Everyone is repulsed by the smell... even Fallbot, despite not having a nose.

"Okay, who farted?"

SAVO tells the Danger Rangers that kids all over the world are digging through other peoples' purses and eating prescription medicine. Question, how often do kids actually eat other peoples' medicine? I don't recall ever doing that when I was little. Maybe because the medicine I already took tasted disgusting so I wasn't exactly eager to try whatever my grandfather was taking.

Sully tells Burt that he and SAVO should hold down headquarters while everyone else heads out to save the day. Off the other Danger Rangers fly in their giant iron as we cut to a playground where a boy is sharing what he thinks is candy with two other kids (two of 'em are Jessica DiCicco, the other is Grey DeLisle-Griffin).

Now it's time to play a rousing game of "What Kind of Animal is That Character"? Tell me, do YOU have any idea what species this boy is?

The big front teeth suggest a beaver, but there otherwise isn't much else beaver-like about him. The long claws, ear shape, and color suggest a bear, but the ears are a tad too big and he has what look like tiger stripes on either side of his face, but nowhere else on his body. Is he a really stylized chipmunk? I honestly don't know. The other two are a little hard to deduce as well... the one on the left is clearly a bird, but what kind? Maybe a roadrunner?

There's no time for the Danger Rangers to land, so they open up a trapdoor in the floor and Burble launches Gabriella like a javelin down to the kids, who are fortunately raising the "candy" towards their mouths in slow-motion allowing for her to swoop in and swipe it out of their hands.

Out of context, this screencap kind of makes it look like Sully is a drug dealer, doesn't it?

"Kids, this isn't candy. This is medicine," Sully explains. "Medicine is as far away from candy as you can get," Burble adds. If a doctor, a nurse, or a parent gives you medicine, then and only then can it make you feel better. But if you take medicine that's NOT intended for your consumption, can give you a ticket to the hospital. And just to make sure the kids get the hint, the Danger Rangers launch into a musical number!

And this doesn't necessarily have to do with the song, but I have to point it out SOMEWHERE in the review... it's already pretty ironic that Grey DeLisle-Griffin has voiced two female cats named Kitty, the other of course being Kitty Katswell from T.U.F.F. Puppy. But do you know what the REALLY funny thing is? She uses essentially the exact same voice for both characters!

Burt? Aren't you supposed to be back at headquarters?

The bear/beaver/chipmunk/whatever kind of animal he is boy tells Sully that the medicine in his mom's purse was the only candy he could find that didn't smell bad. And he just so happens to have a Choco Chunky bar with him at the moment. Gee, I wonder if this could have anything to do with that poodle from the beginning of the episode...

Wouldn't you know it, SAVO calls up the Danger Rangers to tell them that candy everywhere is smelling like swamp rot. Not just Choco Chunkys, but also gumballs, licorice, and even what appears to be bottles of Gatorade (since when does that qualify as candy?). They must get to the bottom of this! I think I know what the poodle's plan is now - it's all an elaborate scheme to get kids to eat healthy. Or maybe he's actually a dentist?

The Danger Rangers go around collecting all the smelly candy and bring it back to headquarters. According to Burt, even though it has a rather unpleasant aroma, there isn't anything actually dangerous about the candy. If you actually ate it, you'd be fine (though you might need a breath mint).

Fun fact: this isn't the only time Mark Hamill has voiced a turtle. He also voiced a turtle in
My Friend Tigger and Pooh.

And it's not just PILLS that the kids are munching on instead of candy - they're also chugging down those sweet syrupy medicines too. Before the Danger Rangers can figure out what's going on, SAVO informs them that someone has now demanded fifty million dollars or else they'll continue to make more candy smell bad. Ah, so THAT is the poodle's motivation. I should've known it was just because he wanted to make money (although there are other, much easier, ways to do that than by sabotaging candy).

This calls for another musical number. Take it away, Eric Idle!

Adding to the confusion, the Danger Rangers can't figure out how this mysterious candy-stinking fiend is getting into the factories... so maybe whatever this is ISN'T going on at the factory but rather on the way to the stores. And Sully knows how to find out. His plan: he, Gabriella, and Squeeky will be stationed at the candy factories, Kitty and Burble will take the soda bottling plant. Each team will hide out in one of the delivery trucks scheduled to leave that night. Burt is on tracking and monitoring. And since Fallbot is a clumsy clod, Sully gives him the very important task of, uh, gathering up all the foul-smelling candy and disposing of it.

Uh, did a bee sting Gabriella's lower lip? Actually, do birds even HAVE lips?

Once everyone is in position... and Kitty and Burble have been given free samples...

Of course Burble's excited. He's a polar bear, everybody knows that polar bears love
Coca-Cola...

Sully, Gabriella, and Squeeky hear the engine of the truck they're hiding out in start up. What they DON'T hear is the driver fastening their seatbelt, because bad guys don't care about safety (and are also very stupid). Squeeky decides to climb into the air vent to the front of the truck and take a picture of whoever it is that's driving, allowing SAVO to identify who it is. Upon getting a good look at the driver, Squeeky whispers, "You guys aren't gonna believe this... we are being hijacked by a NINJA!"

"I don't think anybody ever told this guy that ninjas are supposed to wear BLACK suits, though..."

Alas, the driver winds up snatching a glimpse of Squeeky in the air duct and opens the back of the truck to see what's going on - but that allows Sully to stick a tracking device on him. Score one for the good guys. But the score is all tied up, because so are Burble and Kitty!

And the ninja was able to overpower a much larger POLAR BEAR hoooooooooooow?

What, is this ninja taking steroids? If so, I think the Danger Rangers need to do an episode about
not doing that...

Sully asks Burt to activate the tracking device he put on the ninja who was driving the truck. Meanwhile, Kitty and Burble are brought to the eeeeeeeeevil lair we saw at the beginning of the episode, where they are greeted by that poodle, who says in the voice of Jeff Bennett, "Ohhhhh, Kit-teeeeee, how nice to see you again!" Kitty identifies the poodle as Henri Ennui, a brilliant scientist who she knows from her days at some corporation called Global Pole. Previously, he sold counterfeit perfumes that literally stank.

It's so rare that we see a cat as the good guy and a dog as the bad guy. Usually, it's the
other way around. Either that, or the dog and the cat are both good guys. I guess whoever wrote
this episode was a cat person.

Henri shows off his ray gun, which he dubs the Rancinator - Dr. Doofenschmirtz would approve - and explains that it makes things smell like garbage by rearranging the molecules ever-so-slightly so that when they're exposed to air, they stink worse than David Zaslav. But that is not all. Oh, no. That is not all...

He's also built a really, really big Racinator! With it, he will make everything for a hundred miles around smell lousy - which presumably includes the medicine, so if he was intentionally trying to make kids sick, there goes THAT part of the plan. The only way anyone will be able to eat anything is if they pay him millions. And then... I dunno, he's gonna swim in the money like Scrooge McDuck?

Actually, if this world is populated by animals, isn't it far more likely that the citizens will go mad from hunger and start eating each other? Would Burble, for example, get so hungry that he'd try to eat Sully? I know polar bears don't eat sea lions, but they do eat SEALS, and Sully's close enough...

How much did this cost to build, anyway?

After we briefly cut back to Burt and Fallbot at headquarters (Fallbot is participating in WHACKY SHENANIGANS!), we see Sully, Squeeky, and Gabriella following the ninja who hijacked their truck around. They eventually make it to Henri's evil lair just as he's bragging about how Burble and Kitty couldn't possibly foil his plot with them being tied up at the moment. The ninjas fight them with croissants and baguettes - y'know, because they're FRENCH - and while Sully and Gabriella are dealing with them Squeeky unties Burble and Kitty. They're able to defeat the ninjas, but Henri is just about to activate his giant Rancinator. Then Fallbot shows up and actually does something useful for once by firing the rancid candy at him.

"Eugh... zhat's it. Never again shall I eat at Taco Bell!"

With Henri down for the count, Sully manages to power off the machine. Now kids all over town are free to eat candy that DOESN'T smell like a gas leak. AND as an added bonus, now they know how to be careful around medicine. Squeeky, Fallbot, and the kids rattle off more facts about not eating medicine as though they were candy. Fallbot, of course, is still an idiot and winds up eating a bunch of vitamins because he thinks they're candy, demonstrating that he's basically learned nothing. On the bright side, since he's a robot eating all those pills won't hurt him. And now, it's time for another musical number!

Hey, Burt. Harold called, he wants his purple crayon back.

We get one more brief segment with Squeeky, Fallbot, and the kids... and that's about it. Remember, don't take medicine that hasn't been prescribed to you.

What's the Verdict?

So that's Danger Rangers, and it's actually not as heavy-handed as you'd expect. There was clearly a lot of effort and passion put into this so it doesn't just feel like a day in your school's health class. You've got nice animation, likeable characters who are good role models for children, a great voice cast, and even some pretty good songs. Is it the greatest cartoon ever? No. Is it the BEST cartoon that teaches you about safety? No, I personally find those Timon and Pumbaa shorts more entertaining. But Danger Rangers is still worth checking out, or at least showing your kids. You can find every episode on YouTube, with and without annotations.

This review has been brought to you by...

Sure, other airlines may allow you to fly in style, with little bags of pretzels and comfy chairs that you can even take a nap in if you'd like while you fly to your destination. But Potamus Airlines has an advantage over those other airlines: how fast you get to your destination!

Yes, at Potamus Airlines, we don't even bother loading you onto a plane - so you don't have to worry about expensive first class tickets, or baggage claim, or potential layovers, or all those other inconveniences. Instead, all you have to do is stand in front of our only employee, Peter Potamus, and let him give you his patented Hippo Hurricane Holler (a registered trademark of Potamus Airlines). Better have a tight grip on your suitcase handle, because you'll be sent flying to Kentucky, Shanghai, Florence, wherever in the blink of an eye. Very convenient!

Oh, but don't take OUR word for it. Here's what Peter Potamus himself has to say...

"I started Potamus Airlines because, quite frankly, work was getting kind of slow. You know Warner Bros., they don't do anything with Hanna-Barbera characters that aren't Scooby-Doo and his friends. I didn't even get invited back for Jellystone!, they created an 'updated' version of me for that show... and the less said about THAT, the better. So I figured I could either throw myself a pity party or put my ability to shout really loud to good use. It was either this or public radio, but I think I made the right call."

And now, here are some quotes from travelers who chose Potamus Airlines and were very satisfied with their flights...

"I got there in just ten seconds, so yes, I'm happy. That said, does that hippo ever brush his teeth? His breath was horrible!"
- Mr. Peebles

"I used to say that Western Airlines was the ooooooooooooonly way to fly. Well, I was wrong. Potamus Airlines is just as good. And I can say that with no repercussions, because Western Airlines hasn't used me in a commercial since... I don't know, the 1980s?"
- Wally Bird, once the mascot of Western Airlines

"I hate Qantas, but I do not hate Potamus Airlines. Also, is it my imagination, or does that Mr. Peebles guy sound a LOT like me?"
- The Qantas Koala

Potamus Airlines: the airline that's not just wonderful, it's IDEAL!

Let's Watch This: An Episode of "Pet Alien"

NOTE: Please do not take any of the little nitpicks in this review (or any of my other reviews, for that matter) seriously. I write these reviews in the hopes of making people laugh. Those nitpicks are really just dumb little observations that I'm attempting to make jokes out of, not complaints that add to whether or not I like something.

NOTE #2: No disrespect is meant towards anyone who worked on the show I am reviewing today. I'm sure they are all very nice and talented people.

NOTE #3: If you like this show, that is great. Go ahead and like it. I'm not judging you.

Y'know what my only memory of Pet Alien is? I think my family was in an airport and the show (or at least an ad for it) was playing on a TV there. That's it!

Considering that this show, created by Jeff Muncy, aired on Cartoon Network in the United States, it's strange that I never saw any of it when it was on. Premiering at some point in 2004, this is actually a very loose adaptation of a toyline that Jeff Muncy created in the 2000s. The theme song explains the show's premise: a thirteen-year-old boy named Tommy (voiced by Charlie Schlatter) has his life turned upside-down when a spaceship lands on the roof of his lighthouse. From that spaceship emerges five wacky aliens: dinosaur-like Dinko (Charlie Adler), gluttonous and dimwitted Gumpers (Jess Harnell), blue-skinned Swanky (also Jess Harnell), hyperactive parrot-esque Flip (also Charlie Adler), and Dinko's purple dog-ish pet Scruffy. With the exception of Scruffy, they're really not so much pets as they are houseguests.

Two seasons of Pet Alien were produced, making for a total of fifty-two episodes... unless you count each segment as a separate episode (this is one of those "each episode is two segments in one" shows), in which case there were one hundred and four. The show's reception online seems to be pretty mixed, there are some folks who like it and some folks who hate it. Which side will I fall on? Let's find out. We're going to be watching the seventh episode of the show, which consists of the segments "They Came From Outer Space" and "Tentacles of Terror". This is Pet Alien.

"They Came From Outer Space" begins with... a sentient tooth emerging from Gumpers' mouth and diving into a glass of water, immediately followed by black and white stock footage? Okay, it's not a good sign when the first scene is something completely random. This isn't one of those "it's bizarre, so that means it's funny!" cartoons, is it?

After... THAT, we are treated to a jump scare.

GAH!

No, that's not one of the aliens, it's Tommy, our main protagonist. As a rule of thumb, some character designs work much better in 2D than they do in 3D. Case in point, Tommy's design probably looked fine in concept sketches, but when you adapt it into CGI, suddenly he looks more like a human version of the Honeycomb Monster.

Tommy's excited because he's going to see a movie today. I do hope the aliens don't somehow mess up his plans. Before any of them can show up and do anything TO mess up those plans, a tiny rocket ship flies by his bed and goes downstairs, horrifying Dinko, who runs upstairs and assures Tommy that he shall protect him from the rocket ship... and serve him orange juice as well.

"Pet Alien is brought to you by Tropicana. One hundred percent pure squeezed sunshine!"

The other aliens are already awake, and after some more WHACKY SHENANIGANS involving the rocket it hands Swanky a note. Upon reading it, Swanky does a wild take that should be funny but is instead unintentionally horrifying.

There's a reason why, in cartoons, generally the eyeballs themselves just stretch out
instead of having them pop out of their sockets and hang by their optic nerves.

Why is Swanky so freaked-out? Because, according to the note, his parents are coming for a visit. "They're not moving in too, are they?" Tommy asks, something honestly pretty reasonable to ask when you've already got a bunch of aliens taking up residence in your house. Fortunately, Swanky's parents are not moving in. Speaking of parents, where on Earth are Tommy's? Do they ever appear in the show? Do they know that their lighthouse has rejected Space Jam characters living in it?

Dinko assures Swanky that they'll help him, much to Swanky's dismay - according to the flashback, whenever they try to help him, it results in physical pain. Besides, nothing can help Swanky now. "I've accomplished nothing on this stupid mudball of a planet," he moans. "Nothing! All I've done is eat, sleep, and complain about these deplorable living conditions." If he can't impress his parents with some sort of "Earthly accomplishment", they will take him back to his home planet. What kind of "Earthly accomplishment"? Well, he told them that he was going to take over the Earth. Yes, this is that cliched "character tries to impress his parent(s) or some other character they want to impress with bullcrap claims and then has to make it seem like he accomplished those claims when they come to visit, hilarity ensues" plotlines. Top Cat did it, SpongeBob SquarePants did it, Jimmy Neutron did it... name a cartoon, chances are it's done this plotline at some point.

Why does the human look more off-putting than the aliens do?

After some urging from Dinko, Tommy agrees to put the movie he wanted to go see on hold so they can help Swanky. They can't make him ruler of the world, so Tommy suggests they make him supreme overlord of their town instead. They dress him in the finest bathrobe they can buy....

Is it just me, or does Swanky kind of look like the dragon from Doc McStuffins?

...but since nobody is around to give a crap about a skinny blue alien being their "supreme overlord", Swanky decides to throw in the towel... for about five seconds, then he changes his mind. So Tommy has a new idea: they'll just get Swanky's parents to believe that he owns the lighthouse and that they all work for him.

Suddenly, the lighthouse is bathed in spotlights! Ironic, seeing as it's a building designed for projecting spotlights, isn't it?

"TOMMY, THIS IS THE POLICE! WE HAVE YOU SURROUNDED! SURRENDER YOUR
WACKY COMIC RELIEF SIDEKICKS AND NOBODY GETS HURT!"

And who should show up in a spaceship but Swanky's parents? Unlike their posh, uptight, British-accented son, they're total hicks! Their spaceship even looks like a trailer! Oh, the hilarity!

The mother even farts, because bodily functions are HILARIOUS, aren't they?!

Swanky claims that he had the lighthouse built by his human slaves after he overthrew the town's previous king, Tommy. His parents continue to act like hillbillies with no table manners, and after a long, unfunny sequence of Swanky attempting to belch, they tell him that he's doing fine on "this mudball of a planet" and leave. Well, that was anticlimactic. I suppose I should give them credit for NOT doing the "characters who they're trying to impress find out the truth but assure them that they still love them" ending like every other episode with this plotline does, but I feel like nothing actually happened here.

On the bright side, they can still go to the movie - and I'm not sure if it's intended to be common knowledge that aliens exist in this town or not, but nobody at the movie theater seems all that weirded-out by the presence of a mutated Yoshi and a giant blue bug. Alas, now Swanky has the hiccups. We end on more stock footage.

Okay, next segment...

"Tentacles of Terror" begins with a seagull trying and failing to impress his pals with balloon animals. It's not particularly funny.

Then we cut to Tommy's school, where his teacher (Candi Milo) tells him and his equally creepy-looking classmates that she has a surprise for them. They've got a new class pet - an incredibly unsettling octopus! I looked it up, and apparently it is indeed legal to keep an octopus as a pet. However, I think they need a larger tank than that.

"Hi, kids! I'll be seeing you all in your nightmares tonight!"

The kids all talk about how cool it is that they have an octopus as a pet, and then Tommy for some reason starts knocking on the glass of its tank as though it were a door. Hasn't he ever seen Chicken Little? Sea creatures hate it when you tap the glass.

Sure enough, his knocking on the glass causes the octopus to spring out and channel the Facehugger from Alien. Something to remember if you want to have an octopus for a pet - they're very intelligent and can think of ways to escape. Especially if you don't put a lid on the tank like the teacher apparently didn't.

"CALL ME 'SQUIDWARD' ONE MORE TIME! I DARE YOU!"

For some reason, nobody - not even the TEACHER - attempts to help Tommy and he has to pull the octopus off his face himself. He manages to get it back in its tank, but then like an idiot walks back over to the tank to yell at it, and guess what? It jumps on his face again. Methinks Tommy is a few sodas short of a six-pack... as is the teacher, who announces that Tommy is in charge of the care and feeding of the octopus. This probably isn't such a good idea, because the previous times Tommy was put in charge of the class pets, it did not go so well (probably because of the aliens). 

I don't know who's scarier-looking, the students, the octopus, or the teacher...

After school, Tommy arrives back at the lighthouse to find Dinko, Flip, and Gumpers playing "Who Can Scream the Loudest". And no, Tommy didn't bring the octopus home with him because, sure enough, the aliens are to blame for his failures at caring for the other class pets. Specifically, they ATE them. "Class pets are NOT food!" Tommy exclaims. But he's still going to take the aliens to go see the octopus. I sure hope they have a craving for calamari...

"Oh snap!"

As soon as they step inside the classroom, they see that the tank is empty! Why? Because Gumpers somehow managed to eat the octopus before they even walked in. Fortunately, Tommy spots the tentacles trailing out of Gumpers' mouth and pulls him out. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAND then the octopus jumps on Tommy's face again. Hey, if it was funny the first time... oh, wait. No, it wasn't funny.

Well, maybe it'll become funny if we keep doing it, right? Oh, wait. No, it won't.

The next morning, Tommy is horrified to discover that the aliens let Squiddly Diddly out of his tank and brought him back with them to the lighthouse. They assure him that they'll keep an eye on him, but he winds up escaping the lighthouse very quickly and gets brought back by Tommy's annoying classmate and next-door neighbor Melba (Candi Milo). Then he jumps onto Tommy's face again. Nyuck nyuck nyuck nyuck nyuck.

Tommy, with the octopus still stuck to his head, heads downtown with Gumpers and Dinko. And once again, nobody raises an eyebrow at the presence of ALIENS. Then they bring him back to the school and put him back in his tank. But guess what he does? He jumps onto Tommy's face again! Are you laughing yet?!

That night, Gumpus finds a nature show while channel-surfing that's talking about octopi. The show's host claims that octopi live in the ocean, making Gumpus and Dinko come to the conclusion that the octopus that Tommy has for a class pet belongs in the sea.

I know I say "this character is a Patrick knockoff" in my reviews a lot, but honestly,
this guy even LOOKS LIKE Patrick. Even Entree and Dave weren't this blatant.

Of course, they don't bother talking to Tommy about this before they decide to bring him down to the beach to throw him back into the ocean. Fortunately, Tommy somehow manages to guess where they are and catches them in the act. But he decides to let them set the octopus free anyway, ensuring him a failing grade. Or maybe not - his teacher understands when he explains the situation to her, and she decides to give him another chance. Now he has to take care of his class's pet... rock.

This was an actual fad at one point. I guess everyone eventually realized, "Wait,
this is just a rock."

Being the massive idiot that he is, Gumpus attempts to set the rock free by throwing it at Swanky's head. As for the octopus, he becomes gigantic with no explanation. The end.

What's the Verdict?

Pet Alien is not worth your time. At first I was thinking "Okay, this isn't GOOD but it's not AWFUL..." but as the episode went on, the cons outweighed the pros.

The animation is mediocre - I give them credit for attempting squash and stretch in television CGI (which is a rarity even nowadays), but the low budget shows. The aliens are okay, but the humans and animals look really off-putting. The characters? Meh. Tommy is a generic straight man kid protagonist we've seen in two or three other shows airing on Cartoon Network at the time. Dinko and Swanky are okay, which I think mainly stems from the performances that Charlie Adler and Jess Harnell give. The other aliens, meanwhile, are either boring (Flip) or annoying (Gumpus). Very few of the jokes are funny, I didn't even mention all of the jokes about bodily functions here.

I know TV Tropes claims that the show gets better as it goes on, but I still have to put it in the "lousy" category. Cartoon Network was airing much better shows when Pet Alien was on. Of course, it was airing worse shows too, but I would not recommend watching Pet Alien, even if you can find episodes of the show on YouTube.

This review has been brought to you by...

Footwear is very important - especially if you're an athlete. Whether you're running in a marathon...

Playing basketball...

Or in the middle of a football game...

...you've gotta have the right shoes. At MIKE, we make shoes specifically for your active lifestyle. They're also very comfortable, so you don't have to worry about blisters or anything like that. Oh yeah, and they all look like this:

They might not look like the best shoes to wear when you're doing sports, but trust us, they are. Just ask these famous athletes...

"Who the heck are you guys? How did you get into my house?"
- Derek Jeter

"You want me to wear those puffy yellow things while I'm on the court? Are you serious? I was in Kazaam, I'd like to keep whatever dignity I have left..."
- Shaquille O'Neal

"These shoes are fantastic. They're the best things to wear when you're on the football field. You should totally buy them.

There, I said it. Can I please go home now?"
- Patrick Mahomes