Let's Watch This: "Elephant Kingdom" (2016)

NOTE: Please do not take any of the little nitpicks in this review (or any of my other reviews, for that matter) seriously. I write these reviews in the hopes of making people laugh. Those nitpicks are really just dumb little observations that I'm attempting to make jokes out of, not complaints that add to whether or not I like something.

NOTE #2: No disrespect is meant towards anyone who worked on the movie I am reviewing today. I'm sure they are all very nice and talented people.

NOTE #3: If you like this movie, that is great. Go ahead and like it. I'm not judging you.

I wasn't sure if I was going to do a review of this, but then I saw somebody claim on Letterboxd that it was really weird and I thought "Okay, yeah, I gotta take a look at it."

So, like its predecessor, The Blue Elephant, this film got its start in its home of Thailand as a sequel to Khan Kluay, simply called Khaun Kluay 2. It was directed by Taweelap Srivuthivong. Since the Weinstein Company had previously done an English dub of the first film, an English dub of this one was released here... by Lionsgate and Simka Entertainment. Even the Weinsteins didn't want this one, it would seem.

The really strange thing about Elephant Kingdom is that it lacks basically any ties to The Blue Elephant. The characters' names were changed and none of the original voice actors came back (and the lack of Martin Short immediately puts this one at a disadvantage compared to the first). Maybe we should just ignore the first film and treat this one as its own thing? Maybe? Whatever, it's free to watch on YouTube so we're gonna review it. This is Elephant Kingdom.

The movie starts off with Jai... oh, I'm sorry, Wingman... y'know what, I'm just gonna keep calling him Jai... perching in front of us and shouting "Let me hear some LOVE! ...no? Oh, typical. I'll just get on with the story." And here we run into our first problem: you can not go from Martin Short to Garrett Clayton. They sound nothing alike. It's tremendously jarring.

Like, this is on par with the Monsters vs. Aliens TV show's replacing Reese Witherspoon
as the voice of Ginormica with Riki Lindhome.

Many years ago, Jai tells us, there was a great and powerful kingdom with a king who wanted to be even greater and more powerful. Usually, that results in them taking over another kingdom. If Jai saying that this is "when all the trouble started" is any indication, this king might've had the same idea...

But before we can get any more information, we see Jai flying around through Asia, fluttering by elephants, deer, monkeys, etc. before arriving at a village filled with creepy CGI humans. Just as jarring as the film's replacement of Martin Short with Garrett Clayton is the sudden replacement of the orchestral music with a generic pop song performed by the Not-Jonas Brothers.

Lift those legs, fellas!

He eventually arrives at a bunch of elephants having an aerobics class, led by the Blue Elephant himself, Khaun Kluay... or, as he's called now, Rok (voiced by Cary Elwes as opposed to Jeremy Redleaf). "'Sup, Wingman? What's the word, bird?" he asks, to which Jai replies, "Bird's the word!" and I resist the urge to make a "Surfin' Bird" joke.

"Rok's the best," Jai tells us. "He's like the bravest, toughest elephant ever, but with that sensitive boy band 'I've got you, girl' side, too." Okay, does EVERY line in this movie sound like it was written by a 2010s teenager? Was anyone actually saying "I've got you, girl" or "Let me hear some LOVE!" in 2016?

"Do you know how long it took me to train those lightning bugs to swarm in the shape
of a heart? Like, three days. But it was totally worth it."

Rok's mate, Kon Suay... or, as she's called now, Melody (voiced by Alexa PenaVega as opposed to Miranda Cosgrove), has something really exciting she needs to tell him, but he's too busy fighting in wars for her to tell him. There's always a battle going on, so I guess there are a lot of nations in this time period who have a bone to pick with Siam.

"When do we have time to be a family, Rok?" Melody asks him. Oh, jeez, is this one of those "the father is always at work and never has time for his family" movies?

"And why are you suddenly British?"

Melody does finally manage to tell Rok that she's going to have a calf or two, then continues to complain about how he's always at work. "I should've married a circus elephant. They're always around," she laments. Sure, they're always around, but how financially stable would you be? Circus elephants work for peanuts.

After Rok and Melody patch things up, Jai shows up to tell them that the king made a law: no more families. Yes, he apparently wants people to stop getting married and having kids. That's like making a law to stop people from breathing air. Why would he do this? Because families "take too much time" and he wants everyone to focus on TAKING OVER THE WORLD. Wasn't the king of Siam a good guy in the first movie? When did he go all "MUST ACHIEVE WORLD DOMINATION"?

Apparently, a lot of families are hiding in the jungle so they can continue to live their lives, but Rok says he can't hide because he's the general's elephant. But maybe Melody and his mother, Nuan... sorry, NANNA... can still hide until he figures something out.

"No, seriously, why ARE you suddenly British?"

"All the elephants love you. Talk to them, Rok," Nanna urges him. "Maybe humans are okay without families. But for elephants, families are the most important thing in the world." Maybe the elephants will listen to Rok, but the king probably won't... and not just because the humans can't understand what the elephants are saying (or can they?). He's banned any and all family activity - playtime, hugs, family dinners, vacations, bedtime stories, parks, what have you. Anyone who disobeys is thrown in the dungeon.

The elephants are not happy about this, but King Patrick Warburton is convinced that they'll eventually forget about their families. "Without families distracting them, they'll be the most fearless battle beasts ever," he declares. Doubtful, seeing as elephants are known for never forgetting anything. Fortunately, he has the help of some sort of sorcerer guy named Hemlock who's whipping up a magic potion to erase their memories. Yeah, y'know how the first movie was pretty realistic outside of the whole "talking animals" thing? Now we have a sorcerer. Okay then...

I'm just going to assume this king isn't the same king from the first movie but an entirely
new character. Maybe they'll explain where the original king went, maybe they won't,
we'll just have to wait and see...

After the sorceror completes his potion, we cut to a bunch of elephant calves playing. Two of them are Rok and Melody's kids, Mojo and Magic, and the others are orphans, presumably because of the whole "no families" thing.

Guess which one is the girl. (Hint: what color is usually associated with girls?)

Jai catches up with Rok to tell him that his calves are doing great. That night, three of the young elephants attempt to scare Nanna by disguising themselves as a Christmas tree with elephant ears (it makes sense in context. Sort of. Not really), and she is not amused by it. "She looked like she was gonna pee her pants!" one of them, Pugsley (Mikey Bolts) says... even though the elephants don't wear pants. As for the girl elephant...

"She's pink, so that probably means she tastes like a pig. We're eatin' bacon tonight!"

The king's warriors are laying siege to this small village and placing all of its residents under arrest. The elephants try to fight back, but it's no use, and Nanna actually winds up dying. Holy Toledo, it's only been twenty-three minutes and they've already offed a character? Well, I guess is Dehli Safari can do it...

So after that incredibly dark scene, what do we cut to? A dance party, of course! Elephants and ugly CGI humans are getting their groove on. One ugly CGI human mentions Chuck E. Cheese... what time period does this movie take place in? According to Wikipedia, it's set during the war between Ayutthaya and Hanthawaddy. I didn't know they had Chuck E. Cheeses back then.

He's a pretty smooth dancer for an animal that usually weighs about 8,800 lbs.

Just then, Rok notices Jai sitting on the branch of a nearby tree and asks him about Melody, Nanna and the twins. "Rok, the king's soldiers... they found Melody's village..." Jai says regretfully. "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry, there's nothing I could do..." Thunder clouds and sad violin music show up to add ambiance as Rok cries out in fury.

"DARN YOU, KING PATRICK WARBURTOOOOOOOOOOOON!"

Rok pays a visit to the Hall of Heroes, where his father's remains are kept. "I don't want to disobey an order, Papa," he says, "But I'm going to get my family back. You see, they need me. And more importantly, I need THEM." In other words, he's going AWOL.

The soldiers and Tian, the Carl Reiner-voiced elephant trainer from the first movie (NOT voiced by Carl Reiner this time, but whoever did his voice isn't mentioned in the credits so I don't know who it is) find out the next morning that Rok has made like Dumbo and flown the coop. Under the king's orders, the soldiers throw Tian in a jail cell. We get a montage of Rok and Jai traveling to the city, but King Patrick Warburton already knows about Rok, and thus the city is heavily guarded so the "rebel elephant" doesn't get in. What to do? He decides to knock out a guard elephant and steal his armor. A perfect disguise, assuming that the king didn't mention to the guards that the "rebel elephant" was BLUE.

Rok's color scheme is making me hungry for blueberries.

Melody and the twins are in the city, too, and Melody manages to break free of the ropes that bind her and go all Mama Bear to save her kids. Before Hemlock (the sorceror) and the soldiers can do anything to her, the queen of... I'm assuming this is still Siam, Diane, shows up and says, "You must know, no matter what you do, you can not steal the love from an elephant's heart." Alas, that doesn't stop Hemlock from zapping Melody with the "forget all relatives" potion.

Okay, so it seems like Hemlock is the one responsible for all of this going on - like, he's putting these "keep expanding, conquer other nations and take over the world" ideas in the king's head. Considering how obviously evil he is, why did the king and queen even hire him in the first place? Didn't they do a background check first?

Maybe he had really good credentials?

The potion makes Melody go unconsious, but she wakes up that night in a safe place where Queen Diane and what appears to be a female sumo wrestler have taken her. "I'm no fan of the king's laws," Queen Diane admits. Okay, then why don't you DO SOMETHING ABOUT THEM? You're the queen. His WIFE. His EQUAL. Don't you get a veto or something?

Meanwhile, the elephant calves attempt to escape their imprisonment, which leads to fart jokes because of course it does. "Smells like Fart Knox in here!" one of them moans... even though Fort Knox was established in 1918, long after this film supposedly takes place. And I thought the mouse in The Scarecrow mentioning the Titanic was out of place. Then another elephant calf named Rally shows up and offers them his assistance in his weird Fonzie-esque voice.

"Ayyyyyyyy!"

Rally helps the kids escape and then they meet up with Rok and Jai. Rally mentions that he knows where to find the dungeon where Mojo and Magic are being held, but it seems like the twins don't need to be rescued - they manage to escape their cell, and the guards chasing after them are promptly beaten up by Rok. Score one for the good guys.

They kind of look like Littlest Pet Shop toys, don't they?

Downside: since Rok has been absent for the first chunk of their lives, the twins don't recognize their father. To make matters worse, the sorcerer shows up and magically conjures up a cell for Rok to be trapped in.

Queen Diane enlists the help of some three guys who make unfunny jokes, and then somebody shows up and tells her that the King is having a ceremony that night to make everyone forget their families forever. "Tell the rebels the queen is on their side!" Queen Diane exclaims. Then Jai finds Melody and tells her that the King captured Rok and the twins. Oh, and I should also mention that the King has a son. Because of the "no families" law, Queen Diane isn't allowed to see him. And when he gives his father a gift, the King says he's "breaking the law". Jeez, this guy is cold. He makes Judge Frollo look like a loving father.

Queen Diane sends the three guys to rescue as many prisoners as they can. All the soldiers and elephants are lined up at the ceremony in front of the king. "Soldiers of Darklandia!" he says... apparently, this isn't Siam after all? Well, that explains a lot... although it also raises further questions. "Ask not what you can do for your parents! Or your brothers or sisters! Or CHILDREN! Seriously... don't even ask those things EVER! Seriously. Just DON'T! Ask only how your country can take over the world... and all the wealth WITHIIIIIIIIIIIIIN!"

"And nobody make fun of me for wearing makeup! Or say that I sound like the wolf
from Hoodwinked, for that matter!"

Melody, Jai, and the elephant calves attempt to save Rok and the twins, but suddenly the platforms that they're chained to are lifted up to where the ceremony is going on. Hemlock plans to blast them with the potion too... speaking of which, why didn't the potion work on Melody earlier?

The king tells his son that you can't run a country when you don't respect the law. "But fortunately, I'll soon forget you're my son and you'll never be the king! HA!" he adds. Dear lord, this guy is vile. I think we all owe Buck Cluck some apologies. While this is going on, Melody, Jai, Rally, and Pugsley wind up in what Jai describes as an "employees only" area, surrounded by bad guys. How will they ever escape? We'll have to find out later, because we cut to Hemlock about to unleash his magic spell. "Release the magic mist!" he snarls, but before anyone can get brainwashed, the rebels start releasing giant lanterns into the air and Rok remembers that he's, y'know, an ELEPHANT and easily breaks out of his cell. But he still has to fight Drago, the fiercest elephant under the sorceror's command. He is evil. He is nothing but pure hatred and an urge to fight. So basically, he's the same character as the Black Elephant from the first one.

Fun fact: we only now reached teh halfway point. Yes, it took this long for the movie
to be half-over!

Who emerges victorious? Well, Rok manages to send Drago flying into a giant podium, but just as he gets to his kids, a giant statue falls on top of them. Bombs start going off. The king announces that he's going to throw Hemlock in the dungeon and finish the job myself. Fortunately, Rok and his kids survived the statue falling on them - I guess there are benefits to having thick skin. Unfortunately, the king uses his son to make his wife reveal that she's with the rebels. "You both betray your king! I needed to see it with my own eyes," he snaps. "You'll pay for this, dearly! Soon, I'll be king of everything! And you two won't have ANYTHING! HA!"

"You're the one who has nothing! Without love, there's nothing worth having and nothing worth fighting for at all," Queen Diane replies. The king dubs her ungrateful - he gave her China, he gave her Egypt, he practically gave her the whole entire world, but she insists that he doesn't know how to give. You need to CARE to give. Quick question, Queen Diane - why did you marry this guy?

Rok, Jai, and the twins save Melody, Pugsly, and Rally from the bad guys, and one of the rebels manages to set the entire place aflame as they escape. In case you're wondering about the other elephant calves, they've spent the entire climax in one of the floating lanterns. We get another fart joke, which leads to the lantern going up in flames too. Eventually, they all wind up on a bridge, and it's soldier-fighting time... or rather, soldier-blowing-up time.

Meanwhile, Tian is still rotting in a jail cell.

The rebels have succeeded in defeating the bad guys, which means they can be families in public again. Happy ending time, right? Nope, the general says that Rok has to face charges for deserting the army. The queen and prince went into hiding, so until they return, the general's in charge, and he's not happy. Apparently he was on board with the whole "no families" thing?

So they all go to see the general, who tells his men to keep Rok locked up and they'll decide his fate in the morning. But then in the morning, guess who shows up again?

"Does anyone have any Clear Eyes? I hear for dry red eyes, it's awesome."

And who did Hemlock bring with him? An army of ZOMBIES! Yes, we have ZOMBIES now. I feel sorry for any kids who bought this film on DVD expecting a cute movie about candy-colored elephants in a kingdom and being scared out of their wits by the evil king putting those elephants in peril and the ZOMBIES.

Zombies are great at archery, did you know that?

Everyone either runs for their lives or fights the zombies, and when Rok saves the general he realizes that maybe what Rok did wasn't so dishonorable after all. They head up to the mountain where the sorceror is standing to beat him up, but he's got an elephant with him too - Drago, now ALSO a zombie! We get more fighting and eventually they wind up underwater. Rok and the general escape to the surface while Drago is crushed by rocks and presumably drowns. The elephant calves, meanwhile, have to deal with the sorceror's pet snake.

"Let's see, which order to eat them in?"

Oh, false alarm on Drago drowning - he just emerges from the rocks and arrives back on the surface. I guess zombie elephants can hold their breath for a really long time. "Drago! Stop playing coochie-coochie in the doochie and finish him!" Hemlock snaps... what exactly did he think Drago was DOING down there? The good guys are still fighting the zombies, and eventually they figure out that they can melt the zombies with fire. But Hemlock doesn't give up there - next, he summons GHOSTS and has them posess the zombies. It looks like this guy is unstoppable... until the general throws his sword at his staff, destroying it. The zombies all go bye-bye, the snake shrinks down to the size of an earthworm, and the ghosts all beat the crap out of the sorcerer and he... explodes or something, I don't know.

All's well that ends well, right? Nope. Drago did a number on Rok, and he actually dies. It's not one of those "oh, everyone thinks they died but then they wake up" things, we actually see Rok arriving in the afterlife. But he decides to go back - he's got a wife and kids, after all. I can't believe they actually killed the main character, even briefly.

"You did the right thing," the general tells Rok. "I thought honor was everything. The truth is, love and honor, they're the same thing. Thank you for teaching us that... you honorable elephant."

And Tian is still in that jail cell. Just saying.

The movie ends with Jai, who was knocked into the water during the climax, emerging. "Typical," he moans. Then we get another song by the Not-Jonas Brothers over the credits. What happened to the king? I don't know, they never tell us.

What's the Verdict?

Well, that was... something, I'll give it that.

As a sequel, it's basically ruined by the lack of ties to the first one. But you can't just take it as its own thing because it still requires you to have seen the first one to understand who these characters are, and why Rok works as a war elephant. But, then, why change the names? Why do they live in Darklandia instead of Siam now? Who is this new evil king?

Even ignoring that, most of the film is pretty blah. You have lots of unfunny jokes, most of them cringe-worthy attempts at toilet humor with the occasional pop culture reference sprinkled in. The new characters are incredibly uninteresting - Rok's kids are basically given nothing to do, the other young elephants are just there to make bad jokes, even the over-the-top villains aren't fun to watch. Martin Short's absence is certainly felt, this new version of Jai is far more annoying. The animation? It's about on par with the original - the animals look fine, though some of the young elephants' character designs are off-putting, the humans just look ugly. And dear lord, is it DARK. The zombies during the climax at least made things more interesting, but having so much of the film be the bad guys talking about how much families suck and the king emotionally abusing his kid just felt WRONG. And that's not even getting into how Rok briefly dies. It takes guts to kill the lead, but there's a reason why more animated movies don't do it.

Good things about it? Cary Elwes, Patrick Warburton and Alexa PenaVega are doing their best, but that's about all the good stuff I can say about Elephant Kingdom. Even if you like the first one, I wouldn't recommend watching it.

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The Top Twenty Best (IN MY OPINION) Episodes of "SpongeBob SquarePants"

Ah, SpongeBob SquarePants. You either love the show or you hate it. I, for one, love it. I can't remember a time where the little yellow Tom Kenny-voiced sea sponge wasn't a part of my life. I have fond memories of watching the episodes, buying the merchandise, listening to the songs, eating the SpongeBob-shaped ice cream bar... there was a time when SpongeBob ruled the world. Why was it such a big success? Well, it's a good show! At least the first three seasons were. A lot of people who claimed to dislike it back when its popularity was at an all-time high probably didn't actually watch it and just brushed it off as hyperactive schlock full of gross-out jokes, but it's genuinely well-written and full of appealing characters. 

And then came the 2010s. Suddenly, everyone online started turning against SpongeBob... which, I'm ashamed to admit, kind of included me. I didn't start disliking the character, but reading too much TV Tropes (otherwise known as "The Site That Takes Cartoons Way Too Seriously") and watching Mr. Enter's reviews warped my mind and made me hate the show (or at least the post-2004 seasons). Then in 2015 I started rewatching the show, realized Mr. Enter was a hack, and got past that. Yeah, the post-2004 seasons of SpongeBob SquarePants aren't THAT bad. They do have some stinkers ("Demolition Doofus", "A Pal For Gary", "Breath of Fresh Squidward", etc.), but as a whole I dare say they have a lot more going for them than something like My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic or the newer seasons of Family Guy.

I even had a SpongeBob nightlight at some point.

And because I'm such a big SpongeBob fan, I've decided to do a list of my top twenty favorite episodes - in no particular order. Why top twenty? Because I have enough trouble narrowing down my favorites as it is, I couldn't limit myself to just TEN. Let's get started!

"Jellyfishing"

Here's an early episode that introduces us to one of SpongeBob's favorite pasttimes - jellyfishing. One morning, he and Patrick invite Squidward to go out and catch jellyfish with them. Squidward declines... and then rides his bike off a cliff and explodes.

Yes, this is one of those "put Squidward through the wringer" episodes. It's hard not to feel sorry for him, but this episode proves that it's possible to sympathize with a character while still laughing at their misfortune. I think it probably stems from how over the top it is. For example, it makes zero sense for Squidward to explode after falling off the cliff... but that's what makes it funny!

Does Squidward even need the cast? Octopi don't have bones, so he couldn't have
broken any...

The rest of the episode consists of SpongeBob and Patrick trying to make Squidward's first day home from the hospital his best day ever. Naturally, this involves taking him jellyfishing. The episode is a parade of delightful gags, culminating in Squidward actually getting into the jellyfishing spirit. Of course, when he does... eh, I won't give it away.

While not the first episode of the show, this one's a pretty good episode for someone who's never watched SpongeBob to start with. Not only is it very funny, but it demonstrates our three main characters' personalities pretty well.

"SB-129"

Surrealism is something that can be done well or done horribly. A lot of people seem to have this idea that surrealism is a substitute for good writing. It is not (for proof of this, watch Monkeybone. Actually, DON'T watch Monkeybone). This episode is an example of surrealism being done well - because it has good writing to accompany it.

And who's the star of this episode? Squidward. Squidward is such a great character. He's a grouch, but he's got a heart of gold. As I said before, we can laugh at his suffering while still feeling a bit of sympathy for him. And he has a lot of great lines. I know there are some that dislike him because... y'know, he's a grump, but I've personally always been a Squidward fan. And while he works best when he has SpongeBob to play off of, this episode shows that he can work really well on his own too.

From left to right: Squidward, SpongeTron, and SpongeTrons X, Y, and Z.

While trying to get away from SpongeBob and Patrick, Squidward winds up stuck in the Krusty Krab's freezer. 2,000 years later, he's thawed out by SpongeBob's descendant, SpongeTron, and tries to use a time machine to get back to his own time. This is a fun experiment - how would Squidward do in another time period? What if we put him up against prehistoric versions of his neighbors? Does he learn anything from his time-travel escapades?

Sorry, "SpongeBob B.C." isn't on the list (I do like it, it's just not in my Top 20).

Every joke lands. I love how SpongeTron has four-hundred-and-eighty-six clones (though we only see SpongeTrons X, Y, and Z). I love how Patrick's descendant has two heads. I love the absolutely bizarre sequence where Squidward finds himself in a white void. And the strange, trippy visuals are the icing on the cake. I reccommend that any Squidward fan give this episode a watch.

"Club SpongeBob"

Okay, so this one starts off with Squidward riding his bike to work. Then he overhears SpongeBob and Patrick in a nearby treehouse (atop a giant kelp stalk), giggling to themselves and speaking in a secret code... oops. I mean, whis wone warts woff with Widward widing wis wike wo work. When we woverhears WongeBob wand Watrick win wa wearby weehouse (watop wa wiant welp walk), wiggling wo whemselves wand weaking win wa wecret wode. Sorry, couldn't resist.

So, basically, it is established that SpongeBob and Patrick have a secret club, and after they claim that Squidward wouldn't fit in, he becomes all bent out of shape and climbs into the treehouse... only to discover that when they said he wouldn't fit in, they meant that there isn't enough room in the treehouse for him (they've been stuck up there for three days). In his attempt to climb back down, he sends them all flying into a far-off kelp forest.

Cheer up, Squidward, it could be worse. For example, you could be bald and have
a big nose.

SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward lost in a kelp forest. There's definite potential for a great episode with that premise. And, of course, they use it as an excuse to mess with Squidward. Much like "Jellyfishing", he doesn't actually do much to deserve his troubles, but that doesn't stop the episode from being funny. This time his torment is at the hands (or lack thereof) of SpongeBob and Patrick's "Magic Conch Shell", which is A) incredibly unhelpful and B) an absolute troll. But SpongeBob and Patrick are convinced that "the shell knows all". The way this shell messes  with Squidward is glorious.

I dare you to watch this scene without laughing at least ONCE:

"Squidville"

Oh, goody, another Squidward-focused episode. And this one answers the question of why, exactly, he doesn't just move if he's so irritated by SpongeBob and Patrick.

Here Squidward, after SpongeBob and Patrick accidentally destroy his house with their reef blowers, moves to Tentacle Acres, a gated community populated entirely by octopi who are for all intents and purposes his clones. And what does Squidward do? He has a great time... at first. He very slowly becomes bored being surrounded by people exactly like him.

They're pretty good dancers, considering that they all have two left feet. Get it?
Two left feet?

The episode starts off great and then becomes even better when we get to Tentacle Acres. I love how Squidward is excited by the most mundane things (the health food store has CANNED BREAD!). It culminates in another glorious Sanity Slippage of Squidward's, with him getting his tentacles on a reef blower and tormenting the other octopi. To this day, I can't read the words "But it's fun!" without imagining Squidward saying it in my head. SpongeBob and Patrick don't have a whole lot to do, but what they do get to do is great - I particularly love Patrick storing the apology cake in his pants.

I also highly reccommend watching this glorious YouTube Poop of the episode, "Squidville is Full of Idiots":

"Wet Painters"

SpongeBob and Patrick are put in charge of painting Mr. Krabs' house. House painting might sound like a very boring plot for a cartoon show episode, but wouldn't you know it, SpongeBob pulled it off.

The main conflict in this episode is that the paint Mr. Krabs has given SpongeBob and Patrick to work with is supposedly permanent. And if he sees even a bit of paint on anything but wall (and Mr. Krabs sure does have a lot of crap hanging up on his walls), he says that he'll have their rears cut off and mounted over his fireplace. And thanks to a giant paint bubble (and Patrick's stupidity), they manage to paint the whole house without getting paint on anything but the wall... and Mr. Krabs' first dollar. Now they must get the paint off the dollar somehow before Mr. Krabs returns, finds out, and chops off their butts.

Somehow, I think this would do MORE damage to the dollar than the paint on it would.

And thus begins a series of gags where SpongeBob just can not win. Absolutely nothing he and Patrick do to get the paint off the dollar works. But what DOES work is every single gag, most of them involving Patrick. He even gets to take out the fourth wall, telling SpongeBob to move things along because he's out of time cards.

And there aren't any more time cards after this in the episode. He wasn't joking!

And in case you're wondering just HOW, exactly, they get the paint off the dollar... nope, not gonna give that away either. Sorry.

Here's a fun fact: according to the SpongeBob Wiki, there's a picture of Popeye among the things Mr. Krabs has in his house. I haven't been able to spot it in any of the screencaps I've seen, so take it with a grain of salt.

"Krusty Krab Training Video"

Paired with "Wet Painters", this episode serves as a parody of industrial training videos for new employees. Somehow, I doubt the training videos for other fast food restaurants like McDonald's and Burger King are this much fun.

Steve Kehela is our narrator, and the new employee who's learning how to be a fantastic Krusty Krab employee is, of course, SpongeBob (so does this mean the episode takes place immediately after "Help Wanted"?). The episode... er, training video takes a look at the history of Mr. Krabs and how the Krusty Krab got built in the first place, how the restaurant has kept up with today's demanding customers, and the difference between a good employee and one who is not so good... who, of course, is represented by Squidward. Remember: no employee wants to be a Squidward.

Hey, when you've gotta go, you've gotta go.

Even if you don't have experience in the workforce and, as such, haven't seen a lot of training videos (you can probably find a couple on YouTube), you're bound to find the episode hysterical. The highlight is definitely when Patrick shows up - he has no idea what on Earth is going on, thinks that the ceiling of the Krusty Krab is talking to him, and - despite frequenting the Krusty Krab - has no idea what to order until Squidward is reminded of the Krusty Krab's motto: P.O.O.P., which stands for "People Order Our Patties". Yes, SpongeBob is one of those shows that can actually make toilet humor work.

"Squid's Day Off"

Mr. Krabs is injured while attempting to pull a dime out of the sink drain (specifically, his arms fall off). He leaves Squidward in charge while he's out, and you just know that Squidward is gonna use that to his advantage.

Squidward makes a great foil to the cheerful, enthusiastic SpongeBob, who despite his good intentions has a habit of making Squidward's life harder out of stupidity. But Squidward doesn't need SpongeBob around for things to go wrong - in this case, it's his paranoia driving him bonkers. He fears that SpongeBob will somehow destroy the entire Krusty Krab in his absence, which means that he can't enjoy his "day off" and has to keep running back and forth from his house to the Krusty Krab. Come to think of it, there's an episode of Modern Family that did a similar plot (Claire and Gloria were going to a spa, but Claire made them go back to the house because she thought Luke and Manny were having a party), but it didn't do it nearly as good.

"I never should've taken those hallucinagens..."

Squidward very slowly goes off the deep end, and winds up making a fool of himself. Did he deserve it? I'm not sure. He did decieve SpongeBob, but all the poor guy wanted was a day off. There weren't any customers in the Krusty Krab anyway. But even if you feel sorry for Squiddy here, chances are you're still gonna laugh your head off as he becomes convinced that SpongeBob is spying on him ("WAIT UNTIL MR. KRABS FINDS OUT YOU'RE A... toilet!").

"Clams"

You don't see a lot of people talk about this one, which is kind of strange. After earning his one millionth dollar, Mr. Krabs takes SpongeBob and Squidward on a trip. To Squidward's dismay, they go clam-fishing, and what could've been a fun-filled day of "fishing for stinky clams in a smelly old boat on a filthy lagoon" takes a turn for the chaotic as a giant blue-lipped clam eats Mr. Krabs' millionth dollar, and he refuses to leave until they get it back.

Pictured: what SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs think is fun. Squidward, on the other hand...

The episode was very clearly inspired by Moby Dick and Jaws, but even if you're not familiar with them, you're still gonna have a good time. It's always nice to see an out-of-the-ordinary location as the episode's setting instead of just spending the whole episode in the Krusty Krab or SpongeBob's pineapple house again. I love the Running Gag involving the live action orchestra - whenever this show uses live action footage, it's automatically hysterical. I don't know why, it just IS. Mr. Krabs' descent into madness is fun, too, even if I obviously don't approve of him using SpongeBob and Squidward as live bait... but eh, he's done worse. And you've gotta give the show credit for giving a CLAM of all animals a threatening presence. You actually get nervous for SpongeBob and Squidward's well-being, even if you know they're gonna be fine.

Everybody knows that sea sponges and octopi are a giant blue-lipped clam's natural prey.

Incidentally, do you think Squidward will ever actually get to the Bikini Bottom Folk Village?

"Idiot Box"

There's something almost Calvin and Hobbes about this episode's premise. SpongeBob and Patrick order a gigantic television just so they can play in the box it comes with. As far as they're concerned, they don't need television when they have their - say it with me now - imaginAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAtion.

You can hear this image, can't you?

Even though the focus of the episode is on SpongeBob and Patrick's antics, it's Squidward who is the real star. Whenever SpongeBob and Patrick are imagining that they're doing something exciting, Squidward keeps hearing sound effects coming from the box. They're imagining that they're mountain-climbing? He hears two avalanches and a rescue helicopter. They're imagining that they're astronauts? He hears a space shuttle taking off. They're imagining that they're on Robot Pirate Island? He hears what sounds like Robot Pirate Island. It's never explained how the box was making all of those noises. Which I personally believe is for the best - explaining it would make it less funny. But I like to think that Squidward was imagining the noises, if only because it's ironic that the same character who scoffed at SpongeBob and Patrick's claiming that they can have fun just using their imaginAAAAAAAAAAAAAAtions had such an incredible imaginAAAAAAAAAAAAtion.

I like that they don't go the Calvin and Hobbes/Muppet Babies route and actually show us what's going on inside SpongeBob and Patrick's imaginations. It would've been neat, but the road they took is a lot more creative. It's a lot of fun watching Squidward try to figure out what's going on. The ending, in particular, is brilliant - and it's nice to see Squidward actually have a bit of fun, even if it culminates in him winding up headfirst in a pile of trash.

A Patrick-in-the-Box would make a wonderful toy, wouldn't it?

I'm not the only one who loves this episode, by the way - Tom Kenny listed this fifth in an iTunes collection of his favorite SpongeBob episodes (in fact, a lot of the episodes on this list are in there too).

"Pizza Delivery"

Another early episode, here the Krusty Krab gets a call from somebody who, for some reason, thinks that the Krusty Krab serves pizza and delivers it. It does neither of those things, but that doesn't stop Mr. Krabs - he simply whips up a pizza out of Krabby Patties and sends SpongeBob and Squidward to deliver it.

What would happen if you took one of those Bob Hope and Bing Crosby "Road to" movies and made SpongeBob and Squidward the stars? It'd probably be something like this. Actually, this episode was apparently inspired by the 1989 film Powwow Highway, which I have never seen. Derek Drymon described the film as "a road trip movie starring Gary Farmer, who is an innocent, kid-like character who is traveling with a curmudgeon". Sounds a lot like SpongeBob and Squidward to me.

"Auntie Em! Auntie Em!"

As I've said before, these two characters play off each other so well. There's a lot of great moments here... SpongeBob "backing up", the Krusty Krab Pizza song, how the pioneers hitchhiked, the underwater tornado, SpongeBob driving a rock, and ESPECIALLY Squidward's epic standing up for SpongeBob to the rude customer near the end. I get that you're annoyed you don't have your drink, dude, but you don't have to give SpongeBob a hard time about it. What was going through that guy's mind, anyway? He called up a burger joint that doesn't deliver and ordered a pizza. That's like trying to order Chinese takeout from Applebees.

Remember, be nice to delivery boys. They went through a lot to get that pizza/takeout/whatever you DoorDashed to you. Chances are they weren't briefly sucked into an underwater tornado, but still...

"Shanghaied"

After the sky has a baby... I mean, an anchor falls through SpongeBob's ceiling (and then proceeds to lodge itself in Squidward's house), SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward wind up aboard the Flying Dutchman's ship. This, according to the Flying Dutchman, means that they are now forced to work as his ghostly crew for all of eternity. Well, at least SpongeBob and Patrick are... Squidward winds up annoying the Flying Dutchman with his complaining and gets thrown into the Fly of Despair.

I never saw the original airing of this episode, "You Wish", where viewers were allowed to decide between three possible endings - I either watched the episode as a rerun ("Land Lubbin' style", as Patchy put it) or on one of the DVDs. Fortunately, the episode works equally well without the multiple ending aspect. And for what it's worth, I'm glad SpongeBob's ending was chosen... both because it's the funniest and because it's the only one where the characters don't wind up eaten (not that the situation they wind up in isn't much better).

I personally think this is the best episode where the Flying Dutchman appears.

I suppose now would be a good time for me to talk about the show's voice acting, which is a very big part of what makes the material so funny. Tom Kenny (his questionable personality notwithstanding), Bill Faggerbake, and Roger Bumpass are all genuinely talented voice actors with great comedic timing who nail every single line delivery they're given as these characters - and who can also pull off the characters' more emotional moments, such as SpongeBob's begging Gary to come back in Dumped. Brian Doyle-Murray as the Flying Dutchman is always a welcome presence, too.

Why does the Flying Dutchman own a sock when he doesn't even have feet? I suppose he
could wear it on his... tail? Wisp? Whatever it's called...

This is one of those episodes where every joke is iconic: highlights include SpongeBob assuming that the Flying Dutchman's ship belongs to the Red Baron, the aforementioned Fly of Despair, "Leedle leedle leedle lee!", SpongeBob and Patrick's failed attempts at scaring the people of Bikini Bottom, and of course, the Perfume Department. That scene usually comes to mind whenever I set foot in a Macy's.

"Arrgh!"

Oh, look. ANOTHER episode with the Flying Dutchman in it.

Before we had streams and iPhone apps, we would play these things called "board games", which usually revolved around moving your little figure from one end of the board to another. Here, since there aren't any customers in the Krusty Krab, SpongeBob and Patrick are spending their time playing a board game supposedly based on the Flying Dutchman's treasure map. Since Mr. Krabs is a lover of all things with a currency value, he winds up getting into the game (winning seventeen times in a row!), then somehow gets his claws on an actual pirate ship and leads SpongeBob and Patrick on a real treasure hunt.

SpongeBob had floating pirate ships long before Treausre Planet did.

This is another one you don't see folks talk about a lot. Since Mr. Krabs is basically a pirate shoved into the role of a diner owner anyway, it's only natural that they'd do an episode where he fully embraces the pirate's lifestyle. There's no pillaging, plundering, rifling, or looting (or drinking up, me hearties, yo ho), but we do get a lot of funny lines, most of them from Patrick. Who doesn't get a chuckle out of the pudgy pink starfish thinking that Krabs said "Weast" as opposed to "East"? Or Krabs firing him twice, even though he doesn't work at the Krusty Krab?

And how is everything resolved? Well, they actually find the Flying Dutchman's treasure, but Krabs still winds up empty-handed. Again, I won't give it away, but it's a great joke that calls back to the beginning of the episode. Oh, and by the way... there now actually exists a real Flying Dutchman's Treasure Hunt board game. Look for it the next time you go to Hot Topic or Box Lunch (assuming your local mall has either of those stores).

"Nasty Patty"

This is a dark one. In this episode, the Health Inspector pays a visit to the Krusty Krab, and SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs are willing to cater to his every whim (otherwise the Krusty Krab could get shut down). Just when it seems like they're going to get a good report, they see a news bulletin advising viewers to be on the lookout for a criminal pretending to be a health inspector so that he can get free food.

"FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD?!"

And it's all downhill from there. The fun of this episode comes from the fact that the characters are all complete idiots, from Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob immediately assuming that their health inspector is the imposter instead of, y'know, just asking him for some ID, their believing that they killed the health inspector after feeding him the most disgusting Krabby Patty ever assembled (the titular Nasty Patty), the police officers' incompetence... all culminating in a hilarious climax where SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs completely fall apart and the health inspector's zombie seems to show up. Eat your heart out, Edgar Allen Poe.

Keep it up, fellas, you're bound to get the callback for that ShopRite ad campaign.

For those of you that don't get the joke, please watch this.

If you'd like to make your own Nasty Patty, I just so happen to have the recipe... buy a hamburger at your local McDonald's. Add hot sauce, seahorse radish, and toenail clippings. Then dunk it in the toilet, fish it out, and dry it with your gym socks. Whether or not the result is still safe for human consumption is unclear.

"Krabby Land"

Remember when McDonald's had playplaces in them for kids to run around in before or after they ate? Nowadays, most recently-built McDonald's don't have playplaces in them, and a lot of restaurants that DID have them have since removed them. You see, ever since Super Size Me, McDonald's can't be a fun place for kids anymore. Now they're just drab brown and grey coffee shops. Huzzah.

"Krabby Land" took the Mickey out of McDonald's long before - and far better than - Super Size Me did. It's the first day of summer, and Mr. Krabs is excited because since the kids all have three months off from school, they're sure to come to the Krusty Krab and spend their money there. Or will they? It seems that they're all off at a new playground. This gives Mr. Krabs the idea to built Krabby Land, a playground next to the Krusty Krab that... well, just look at it:

Yeah, it makes Disney's California Adventure look like Disney's Animal Kingdom by comparison. But part of the fun of the episode is just how little effort Mr. Krabs is putting into this. He doesn't even get an actual clown for his Ronald McDonald equivalent.

If that's a clown, then I'm a Sea Rhinoceros.

This seems to have become a bit of a "love it or hate it" episode since the 2010s, mainly because Mr. Krabs acts like a total jerk. But I can stomach that fine because he gets hit with karma in the end. Incidentally, there's another episode of the show - Season 7's "The Masterpiece" - made long after Mr. Krabs was Flanderized with a very similar premise (he wants to get more kids to come to the Krusty Krab, but in this case he thinks building a giant statue of himself for kids to play on is the ticket) where he's actually LESS of a jerk. How much you enjoy the episode also depends on your tolerance for poor SpongeBob being physically harmed. I'm a pretty big SpongeBob Sympathizer ("Whatever Happened to SpongeBob?" is one of my least favorite episodes for this reason), but I still can't help but find what he's subjected to here funny because of how cartoony and over-the-top he is. Plus, again, Krabs gets his comeuppance, which softens the blow.

"Bubblestand"

This is another episode that would be a good choice for anyone who hasn't seen the show before to start with. SpongeBob decides to set up a stand (a la Lucy's psychiatrist booth) to teach people how to blow bubbles. This is a simple premise, featuring only three characters - SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward - but proves that sometimes, less is more.

I don't think I ever even got the hang of blowing a NORMAL button, much less one shaped
like a boat.

The entire joke here is that SpongeBob can create incredible out-of-the-ordinary bubbles that look like boats, butterflies, and elephants... oh, I'm sorry, giraffes. You'd think that would get repetitive, but it never does. It all culminates in Squidward, who previously brushed off the idea as stupid, trying to blow a bubble himself. He has an unorthodox method of doing so (Rodger Bumpass has some powerful lungs, by the way), but he manages to prove himself as a bubble-blowing master. It's in his genes.

And of course, I'd be remissed if I didn't bring up SpongeBob's bubble-blowing technique. If anyone has ever actually attempted this technique in real life, kudos to you. Tell me, did it actually work?

"Can You Spare a Dime?"

Answering that often-wondered question of why Squidward doesn't just quit working for the Krusty Krab if he hates it so much, "Can You Spare a Dime?" focuses on Mr. Krabs discovering that the very first dime he ever earned, kept in the back of the cash register, is missing. Since Squidward works the cash register, he comes to the conclusion that he stole it. Squidward's response is to strangle Krabs' eyestalks...

Ouch.

...and then quit. And then he becomes homeless. Fortunately, SpongeBob offers to let him stay at his house until he can get back on his feet... er, tentacles.

This episode is mainly great because it's HILARIOUS. It's a great demonstration of SpongeBob's good nature, combined with how often he lets people walk all over him. I often see people complain about Squidward being a jerk and getting no punishment, but this is hardly Squidward at his cruelest. Although, did he have to make SpongeBob dress in a French maid outfit?

They don't get PBS in Bikini Bottom, so SpongeBob has to recreate Sesame Street for
Squidward to watch. His Grover impression is fantastic.

The highlight of the episode? When Squidward has been staying at SpongeBob's house for so long that the narrator gets tired of waiting and they have to hire a new one. By now, Squidward has become so dependent on SpongeBob that he's forcing him to dress as a French maid - and so ungrateful that he refuses to drink the lemonade he brought him because the lemon in it has THREE SEEDS (and SpongeBob can't just take it out because "it's already been contaminated by the bad lemon"). The result: one of the only times throughout the show that we see SpongeBob snap like a twig. And it is glorious to watch.

"Snowball Effect"

Who doesn't love a good "snow day" episode? This is a very "Christmas-y" episode, even though it doesn't take place around the holidays.

How do you have a snow day in a show that takes place underwater? The writers cleverly had the episode start off with live action footage of icebergs and glaciers, one of which floats over Bikini Bottom. Probably not how icebergs work, but come on, it's a cartoon. After a few snow-related gags, SpongeBob and Patrick start up a snowball fight... well, SpongeBob does, anyway. Patrick needs to be taught how to take part in one. And of course, Squidward winds up getting dragged into it as well.

This is the first of MANY snowballs that Squidward takes to the face in this episode.

This is one of those episodes where every single joke works. Patrick's failed attempts at making a snowball, the snowballs constantly dousing Squidward's fireplace, Squidward's attempts at getting SpongeBob and Patrick to start their snowball fight back up solely because he wants to see them knock each others' brains out (did he learn nothing from the events of "Naughty Nautical Neighbors"?)... all leading up to a great ending in which Squidward actually starts enjoying himself. This is another example of what a great comedy trio SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward are.

In fact, one of the few complaints I have about The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie is that Squidward totally should've tagged along with SpongeBob and Patrick on their trip to Shell City. Imagine how much fun that would've been.

"Chocolate With Nuts"

I prefer my chocolate without nuts, since I'm allergic. Unless those nuts are the nutty people SpongeBob and Patrick encounter in this episode.

SpongeBob and Patrick go door-to-door selling chocolate bars after reading Squidward's monthly issue of Fancy Living Digest. Unfortunately, they have a lot of difficulty selling it, either because they don't quite understand what a good sales technique is (especially Patrick) or because the people they try to sell the chocolate to are needlessly difficult.

This is another image you can probably hear.

Each of the characters SpongeBob and Patrick encounter here are memorable in their own way. Even the characters that only say one line stick out. I think my personal favorite is the crazy guy who chases after them screaming "CHOCOLATE! CHOCOLATE!" (that's him in the screencap above). The payoff (which I won't give away) is fantastic.

Just a word of warning: after watching this episode, you'll probably get a craving for chocolate. Or maybe for Barnacle Chips, even though they are most certainly not delicious (except the way Patrick uses them, whatever that is).

"The Camping Episode"

I've never been camping. I distinctively remember setting up a tent in our family room and watching SpongeBob episodes - fittingly enough - on TV, but my family has never gone out into the woods and camped out. But you don't need any camping experience to enjoy this episode.

Squidward is overjoyed because SpongeBob and Patrick are going camping for the weekend, which means two whole days of quiet relaxation. Except that SpongeBob and Patrick are camping ten feet from SpongeBob's house. Of course, Squidward winds up getting dragged into it (again, out of his own paranoia).

"All right, does everybody know the words to 'Take Me Home, Country Roads'?"

Lousy camping trips are a staple of cartoon shows. Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends did an episode about it, Garfield and Friends did an episode about it, Hey Arnold did it, Rocko's Modern Life did it, even comic strips like FoxTrot and Calvin and Hobbes sent is characters on camping trips that resulted in disaster. But nobody's ever done it like SpongeBob. The "Campfire Song Song" is iconic for a reason, and Squidward repeatedly getting hot marshmallow splattered on his face is bound to get a laugh out of you. And when SpongeBob and Patrick start talking about Sea Bears, THAT'S when things REALLY get good. It's yet another example of Squidward's misfortune being because of his hubris. All he had to do was not play the clarinet, not wave his flashlight back and forth really fast (flashlights are their natural prey!), not stomp around, not eat cubed cheese (sliced is fine), not wear a sombrero in a goofy fashion, or clown shoes, or a hoop skirt, and not screech like a chimpanzee. But did he listen? Nooooooooooo. And he paid the price for it.

"Band Geeks"

I recall that my sister had one of those GameBoy Video Players at some point, and she had a cartridge or something for it that played this episode. I'm pretty sure that was the way I first watched "Band Geeks".

This is one of SpongeBob's most popular episodes, and there's a reason for that. It's awesome, it's heartwarming, and most importantly, it's really, really funny. This was also the first episode to feature Squidward's high school rival Squilliam Fancyson, who's a really fun character. Basically, Squidward finds himself needing to start a marching band so they can play at the Bubble Bowl ("DA BA-BA-BA... DA-BA-BA-BA... DA BA-BA-BA..."). The fact that his band is composed entirely by the rest of the show's cast - SpongeBob, Patrick, Mr. Krabs, Sandy, Plankton, Mrs. Puff, Larry the Lobster, Pearl, and a host of background fish - doesn't fill him with confidence. But they have at least four days to get ready for the Bubble Bowl. Can Squidward pull it off?

Well, no one said it was gonna be easy...

I've noticed that a good chunk of the episodes on this list are ones where Squidward has a big role. He's not my absolute FAVORITE SpongeBob character - that honor goes to SpongeBob himself - but the fact that a lot of my favorite episodes are Squidward-centric is a pretty big indicator as to what a great character he is. This is another episode where he doesn't actually do anything wrong, but you still laugh at his misfortune.

And also Patrick's, of course.

Every single joke here is delightful. Even lines that aren't actually jokes, such as Squidward's exposition-fueled line "Squilliam Fancyson from band class?!" are funny simply because of the way the voice actors deliver them. I'd say Patrick is definitely the MVP of the episode, pretty much everything involving him ("Is MAYONAISE an instrument?") is a riot. But the absolute best part of the episode is the climax. The characters manage to pull off an awesome performance at the Bubble Bowl, and Squidward actually gets a victory (a very SWEET one at that) for once. Fellow SpongeBob fans, you know what I'm talking about...

Aaron Springer and Merriwether Williams should be proud of themselves for writing what may very well be the best SpongeBob SquarePants episode of all time (C.H. Greenblatt was a writer for this episode too, but he's the guy responsible for Jellystone! so I'm not giving him any credit) - absolutely nothing about "Band Geeks" needs fine-tuning. Tuning. Ha ha, ha, ha. Band humor. Ha ha...

Now, because I'm sure after posting this I'm gonna start kicking myself for leaving another episode or two that I really like off the list. So y'know what? Let's name some HONORABLE MENTIONS:

- "Krusty Love" ("We're not talking about thiiiiiiis, or thiiiiiiiiiis, we're talking about THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS!")
- "Krab-Borg!" ("What color is my underwear?!")
- "Sailor Mouth" ("Hey, Patrick, how the [DOLPHIN CHIRP] are ya?"
- "Christmas Who?" ("JUST LIKE A GENIE!")
- "Missing Identity" ("Have you forGOTTEN WHAT WE'RE LOOKING FOR, KNEE-DEEP IN YESTERDAY'S TOP 40 SONGS?!")
- "Squilliam Returns" ("RUN FOR YOUR LIVES, EVERYONE! IT'S THE APPETIZER!")
- "As Seen On TV" ("To my TAILFIN?")
- "Pressure" ("Holy guacamole! You can't eat my friends, you RATS with WINGS!")
- "Sandy, SpongeBob, and the Worm" ("We should take Bikini Bottom... and PUSH IT SOMEWHERE ELSE!")
- "Gary Takes a Bath" ("Yeah, yeah, Gary, I'm getting behind my ears...")
- "Culture Shock" (Squidward Live. Just... Squidward Live)
- "Sing a Song of Patrick" (Patrick's song is unironically fantastic)
- "No Weenies Allowed" ("You. Can't. Hide. What's. In. Side.")
- "I'm Your Biggest Fanatic" ("Everybody loves PIE!")
- "Krusty Towers" ("I don't tell YOU how to live YOUR life!")
- "Hello Bikini Bottom" (although Mr. Krabs is infuriatingly stupid in it)
- "One Krabs Trash" ("Let's give Mr. Krabs a big hand!")

Thus endeth my list of The Top Twenty Best (IN MY OPINION) Episodes of SpongeBob SquarePants. Not to toot my own horn, but I think it turned out pretty well. Hah... horn... heh. More band humor...