Let's Watch This: "The Blue Elephant" (2007)

NOTE: Please do not take any of the little nitpicks in this review (or any of my other reviews, for that matter) seriously. I write these reviews in the hopes of making people laugh. Those nitpicks are really just dumb little observations that I'm attempting to make jokes out of, not complaints that add to whether or not I like something.

I was originally going to write a review of The Ant Bully this week, but as it turns out there is no way to watch the full movie online. The only streaming service it's on is Amazon Prime, and you have to pay to watch it on there. Same goes for YouTube. So unless it pops up on Tubi or something, we're gonna have to wait on that review.

I remember buying The Blue Elephant on DVD when I saw it at WalMart (or maybe it was actually Target, I don't know), mostly because I've always loved elephants and animation so putting them together was a great way to get me to buy something. Oddly enough, I never actually WATCHED the movie. I don't think I even took the DVD out of its case.

It wasn't until years later, when I was compiling a list of obscure animated films to review on my blog, that I found out The Blue Elephant got its start as a Thai animated film called Khan Kluay, and that it was based on the story Chao Phraya Prap Hongsawadee by Ariya Jintapanichkarn. The film took three years to make, and was directed by Kompin Kemgumnird, who'd previously worked on Tarzan, Atlantis: The Lost Empire, and Ice Age.

Somehow, the Weinstein Company got ahold of the movie and decided to give it an English dub and a direct-to-video release here in the U.S. As for the original Thai version, it eventually got a sequel and a spinoff TV series, the former of which ALSO got an English dub and was released here as Elephant Kingdom. Today, you can find The Blue Elephant free to watch on YouTube. Is the film any good? Let's find out, shall we?

The film starts off with what appears to be a shadow puppet show. According to the narrator, long ago in the faraway kingdom of Siam there lived a legendary elephant named Khan Kluay. Some say that he was just a myth, but the narrator says that Khan Kluay was real - he should know, he was there. It all began when Siam was invaded by Burma...

Then we cut to a young elephant carrying water back to her herd. Nuan (voiced by Amy Carlson), another member of the herd, has just had a baby. With their pastel color schemes, you might initially mistake them for Heffalumps. I get it, though - it'd probably be harder to tell them apart if they were all just brown-ish grey like real elephants are. Plus, it makes for a more visually-appealing movie.

These elephants also have the uncanny ability to speak without moving their mouths, a
pretty big indicator that the film was dubbed from another language.

"He's a handsome boy, Nuan," the herd's matriarch (Cindy Robinson) says. "Large eyes, thick skin, strong back... but I sense his true strength lies within. We shall name him Khan Kluay: 'great heart'." Okay, well, I sure hope Nuan didn't have another name in mind for HER son... just because you're the leader doesn't mean you get to make all the naming decisions, Matriarch. What if she wanted to call him Sheldon or something?

We cut to a few years later. While the other young elephants are practicing their brawling, Khan, voiced by Thomas Sharkey, is playing hide-and-seek with some frogs... one of who winds up with an elephant's butt falling on top of him. Ouch.

"I might just look really annoyed, but I'm actually in horrible pain!"

As if the poor frog hasn't suffered enough, the young elephants then proceed to inflate him like a balloon and start tossing him around like a volleyball. Khan attempts to save the frog, but doesn't actually do anything, instead just letting the frogs do the actual saving. Here it becomes clear that one of the young elephants - specifically, that orange-y one with the weirdly hairy back named Marong (Troy Baker) - is the film's stock dimwitted bully character whose main purpose is to make things harder for Khan.

Remember that one obnoxious zebra who gave Khumba a hard time? Marong is basically
that character, but he's an elephant.

"Fight! Fight! Fight!" the young elephants chant, and Marong is all too happy to beat Khan up. Fortunately, Khan manages to avoid getting a smackdown by simply dodging Marong's blows, eventually sending him tumbling down the hill and into the pond. "This means WAR!" Marong declares. "Hey, you, come back and fight! I guess being a coward runs in the family!"

This hits pretty close to home for Khan. It was previously mentioned that his father is out fighting in the war against Burma, which is a pretty brave thing to do. Despite this, Marong claims that Khan's dad "turned tail in the middle of battle", which makes him a "chicken". This makes Khan MAD, and it leads to that fight Marong and the other young elephants so desperately wanted to see.

"I'm just gonna kick randomly and hope my foot flies into somebody else's face! It's not the most
effective way of fighting, but it's worth a shot!"

Their little brawl catches the attention of a little bird named Jai voiced by Martin Short, who also serves as the film's narrator. Little did Jai know at the time that this little blue elephant would change his life forever.

Khan returns to his mother with... well, his face looks pretty much fine, but I think the indication is supposed to be that he has a swollen eye or something. "How many times do I have to tell you that fighting is wrong?" Nuan asks. Hey, don't blame him - Marong started it. Khan even points this out, but Nuan won't listen. "Excuse me, ma'am, but sometimes you've GOTTA fight," Jai pipes up, but Nuan's not in the mood to listen to HIM either.

Taking out some of his "business cards"... the first of what I imagine will be many examples of the film's anachronistic humor...

The Burmese-Siamese wars were fought from the 16th to the 19th centuries. I'm pretty sure
that was long before "business cards" became a thing.

...Jai explains that he's one of the king of Siam's royal military birds. The matriarch says that, if Jai really IS a royal military bird, he must know about Khan's aforementioned father, Pran. Checking his record book, Jai identifies him as a hero in the Battle of Ayutthaya. Just then, Marong and his chums run in with the news that there are soldiers around.

"I don't know, but I've been told..."
"I DON'T KNOW, BUT I'VE BEEN TOLD!"
"Harvey Weinstein's a sleazy toad!"
"HARVEY WEINSTEIN'S A SLEAZY TOAD!"

These soldiers are Burmese, and according to Jai they've taken young Prince Naresuan (also Troy Baker) prisoner. "When humans fight, we all suffer," the matriarch says. Don't I know it... okay, I'll get off my soapbox now.

The elephants head into the jungle where they'll be safe. As the others snooze, Khan asks his mother who this "Pran" guy is... wait a minute, he doesn't know the name of his dad? "He's... he's my father, isn't he? And he did something bad?" he guesses. "That's why everybody acts so weird whenever somebody mentions his name! He ran away in the middle of a battle, didn't he?" Nuan insists that Khan's father is a hero. Problem is, he was taken prisoner, so Nuan goes all King Triton and tells Khan to stay away from the dangerous humans. Yes, it's one of those "animals think humans are evil" movies. But considering how many elephants have been poached by humans over the years, I think the elephants' fear of them is justified.

Is this the part where she starts singing "Baby Mine"?

So even though Nuan told Khan to stay away from humans, what does Khan do? He sneaks off while his mother's asleep, determined to find his father... which involves entering the Burmese raiders' camp. Khan, you fool. He sees a bunch of pigs, chickens, and cows in cages and stuff, presumably so the raiders have something to eat, and asks one cow who sounds like Miss Piggy if she's seen his father. One ornery steer tells him that the elephants are in tents with tusks. And sure enough, he does find an elephant in there, covered with battle scars and glowing red eyes.

"You wanna know how I got these scars?"

Outside, the Burmese raiders hear the bellows coming from the tent. When they go to check it out, they find Khan and start chasing him around the camp. Fortunately, he manages to hide out in the tent where Prince Naresuan is being held prisoner. I can't help but notice that the kindhearted Siamese prince has normal-looking features, but the Burmese raiders all look like racist caricatures. I also can't help but find that problematic.

Also, why are both the Siamese prince and the Burmese raiders voiced by white guys?
I'm getting flashbacks to Quackerz...

Prince Naresuan forbids the raiders from entering his tent to look for the elephant, but alas, they spot Khan as he sneaks out of the camp and once again give chase. He manages to get away... by falling off a cliff and into the water below.

Poor Khan has been separated from his herd. In the morning, he comes across another elephant - a PINK elephant, to be precise. No, he's not drunk, the elephant is pink because otherwise we wouldn't be able to tell that it's a girl. Obviously.

Then again, the eyelashes and the flower might have also done the trick.

This is Kon Suay (voiced by Miranda Cosgrove), and with her help Khan manages to make it home quite quickly. I was expecting it to take him the whole movie, but nope, he's back in just a few seconds. But what's this? The other elephants aren't there. Jai's narration explains that they must have been chased off by those pesky Burmese raiders. On the bright side, Kon Suay says that her father knows every inch of this jungle, so maybe he can help Khan find his mom. Khan goes all Golden Girls and thanks her for being a friend.

When they arrive at Kon Suay's home, Khan discovers that her father is NOT, in fact, an elephant - he's a human being!

What a twist!

Did Kon Suay's mother have a thing for humans and marry this guy? We'll have to find out later, it's much more important to have another chase scene between Khan and an ugly-looking dog.

Meanwhile, Prince Naresuan is taken to the raiders' capital city in Burma, where he shall live at the mercy of Burma's evil prince, Minchit Sra (Troy Baker again) until his family complies with their wishes. What are they going to do with him? Again, we'll have to find out later, we cut back to Khan. Apparently this little village where Kon Suay's father lives is keeping other elephants and using them as slave labor. The fiends!

Suddenly, we get an appearance from GAH! What the heck am I looking at?!

That is terrifying. I'm going to be seeing it in my nightmares. Thanks a lot, movie.

Kon Suay shows up as Khan is being tortured by the demonic baby from the pits of the Uncanny Valley. She insists that her father will help him find his mother once he's healed, but Khan is unconvinced - he lives in a village full of humans who use elephants as slave labor. "In this village, elephants are free," Kon Suay says. "You can't judge people until you get to know them." In response, Khan tells Kon Suay to beat it, and she does, taking the terrifying baby with her.

As the summer makes way for the fall, Khan continues to heal. Eventually, his leg is all healed, just in time for bandits to invade the village. Kon Suay's father (Carl Reiner) urges Khan to stay hidden lest the bandits find him and drag him off to Burma to be a slave for their army. But as we've established, Khan is not very good at following directions, and sneaks out to find his mother.

Holy crap, Garfield has been hitting the steroids!

Why do so many of my reviews have jokes about steroids in them?

Jai's narration explains that the soldiers of Burma were nothing more than bandits and that their so-called "taxes" were just an excuse to rob their villages, bringing along their tiger and their... what exactly are these purple animals supposed to be? One of them calls himself a "big bad wolf", but when have you ever seen a wolf with spots and a striped lemur-esque tail? I want to say they look like demonic coatis, but coatis don't live in Asia so that can't be it. I have no idea what they are.

Has there EVER been an animal, any sort of animal, in Asia that looked like this?

The leader of the bandits, Ajan (Richard Epcar), tells them to take everything in the village - their food, land, and lives belong to the king of Burma, he claims. I was expecting them to find Khan and drag him off to Burma, but nope, he manages to sneak off into the jungle. Elephants are surprisingly stealthy. And guess who he runs into again? Jai! Just then, they hear an elephant's trumpet and discover that Kon Suay and that terrifying baby are being attacked by those purple animals, who Jai calls "weasels". They don't look like weasels to me at all, but y'know what, I'll take it. I have no idea what else they could be.

The Heffalumps and Woozles have turned on each other!

Khan and Jai do their best to fight off the "weasels", but just when it seems like they're outnumbered, Kon Suay's father shows up on another elephant, accompanied by the other villagers, to save them. Jai recognizes Kon Suay's father as Tian, the elephant trainer, and seeing them take care of Kon Suay makes Khan start to think that maybe humans aren't so bad.

Later on, Jai tells Khan about how he's been at the front lines, where there's a lot of hostility to be worked out. When Khan brings up that Pran is his dad, Jai reveals that the royal elephants live in the city, so maybe that's where he'll find his parents. But to see the royal elephants, you have to BE a royal elephant. So, in other words, you have to be Babar? He's a king, so he qualifies as a royal elephant, doesn't he? (Note to self: review something with Babar in it).

Prince Naresuan escaped from the Burmese off-camera and reclaimed the throne, and he has asked Tian to train the strongest elephants in the land and prepare them to become members of the royal elephants - after all, Siam will need large, powerful animals like elephants if they're going to take back their independence. This means that it's training montage time!

"It's the eye of the tiger, it's the thrill of the fight..."

The king of Burma is outraged by Prince Naresuan's freedom, and his demands for the people of Siam get worse and worse. But they, especially Khan, grow stronger and stronger. Eventually, Khan has gotten larger and gained an impressive pair of tusks (he's also now voiced by Jeremy Redleaf). Strangely, no one else seems to have aged a day. Even Kon Suay doesn't look much older...

Ticket sales for the Radio City Music Hall have increased dramatically since the introduction
of the All-Elephant Rockettes.

Oh, and as you could probably have guessed, Khan and Kon Suay are an item now. It seems that Jai's gonna get a girlfriend too, as a female dove shows up and he starts flirting with her. She's there to deliver a message to Tian - that Prince, or rather KING Naresuan has declared their independance. Siam is free! Which I guess means all that training was for nothing, but what are you gonna do?

Everybody dances awkwardly to celebrate being freed from the Burmese. But the bandits show up again the next day, only for the villagers to give them an egg and nothing more. They can't retaliate against the villagers either, lest they ignite the wrath of the elephants. There's just one problem... remember that tiger from earlier? Yeah, the bandits still have the tiger with them, and tigers are known for being very dangerous.

Incidentally, it's revealed here that the tiger's name is Snowball. Somehow, I feel like that name would be more fitting for a WHITE tiger. Since, y'know, snow is white.

That one villager is oddly happy about being chased by a tiger.

Fortunately, Khan manages to defeat the tiger. Unfortunately, Ajan holds Tian at gunpoint. Fortunately, Khan saves Tian by... forcing Ajan to smell his foot. Um, okay then. "You're gonna regret this. The king of Burma will have your heads!" Ajan snaps, but the villagers just send him and the other bandits packing.

The next morning, some of the villagers and elephants head off to help protect Siam. When they arrive in the capital of Siam, Jai tells him that the king is holding a contest to find the strongest royal elephants. The first challenge? Lifting ten tons of logs, which results in a tie between Khan and another elephant named Mongo. Next they have to push the logs, which leads to another tie. And how's this for a coincidence? Nuan is in the capital of Siam too, as one of the worker elephants.

Eventually, it all comes down to Khan and Mongo. They have to push twenty tons of wood across the field. Nuan catches a glimpse of Khan and is thrilled to see her son okay, but just as Khan runs over, Nuan gets dubbed a "rogue elephant" and dragged away. It seems like Khan might be as well when he attempts to save her, but then King Naresuan (now voiced by Richard Epcar) shows up and recognizes him. "This elephant, like our country, might be small in size," he says (are you sure about that?), "But his heart is great. He fought against overwhelming odds, not for greed or for power but to protect a loved one. We must follow his example. We must fight for our friends. For our families. We must fight to set our children free. My people, today I have found my royal elephant!"

As everyone else is getting ready for battle, Khan, Nuan, and Jai are trying to find Khan's father. "I should have told you about your father, Khan. I just wanted to forget the war," Nuan says. "What it did to our family. I wanted YOUR life to be different." Eventually, they're able to find the building where Pran should be located. They don't find him, but they DO find another royal elephant who knew Pran. He leads them to the Hall of Heroes, where the remains of the greatest warriors are kept. "Up there, lad. See that painting in the distance? That is your father on the left," he explains.

The painting depicts Pran and the other royal elephants marching out to face the invaders. "We might have won, too," the royal elephant says. "But then, HE came... the Black Elephant. Tusks like tree trunks. Eyes like burning coals. He fought to live and lived to fight." He's referring to that scary battle-scarred red-eyed elephant who Khan encountered before. He might've been killed had it not been for Pran, who bravely fought the Black Elephant.

Alas, Pran was no match for the Black Elephant and wound up killed. "Khan will not throw his life away on a battlefield," Nuan declares. "Pran did not throw his life away. He sacrificed himself for me, and for YOU," the royal elephant insists. "He fell, but he lives on in our hearts. He can only truly be forgotten if you make his sacrifice meaningless. War is never good, but sometimes, when your home is threatened, when your loved ones are in danger, sometimes you have to take a stand." Khan realizes what he must do...

I'm just kidding, he and King Naresuan lead the good guys into battle. The Burmese have them outnumbered, but they're not going down without a fight. Arrows fly. Swords clash. Elephants brawl. Eventually Minchit Sra shows up on the back of the Black Elephant. Why is he called that, anyway? He's not black. He's red.

"Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You..."
"Yeah, yeah, I know how the quote goes."

It's really hard for me to describe an intense battle and make it sound exciting, the best I can do is "They fight. It seems like the bad guy might have the upper hand, but the good guy triumphs." Let's see what I can do...

"For Nuan, my mother. For Kon Suay. For my country... and FOR. MY. FATHEEEEEEER!" Khan shouts as he finally manages to take the Black Elephant down. The air is filled with the sound of his triumphant trumpet, the winds swirling around him as though he were in the eye of a tornado.

"Your king is defeated! The war is over! PUT DOWN YOUR WEAPONS!" Jai declares. The Burmese soldiers do so, because I guess they can hear what the animals are saying? Khan has avenged his father and saved their country. King Naresuan appoints him "Lord Protector of Siam". He returns to the village to be with Kon Suay, and legend says that his descendants live to this very day. And then the film just... ends.

According to the end credits, the screenplay for the english dub was written by Evan Spiliotopoulos. IMDB tells me that he also wrote the screenplay for the live action Beauty and the Beast remake, Mickey, Donald, Goofy: The Three Musketeers, and Pooh's Heffalump Movie (which makes those Heffalump jokes I made kind of ironic, doesn't it?). Just thought I'd bring that up.

What's the Verdict?

The Blue Elephant is okay. I usually associate direct-to-video CGI animated films with total crap (can you blame me?), but this one clearly had some effort put into it - even the english dub avoids being another Doogal in spite of the film having the Weinstein Company's name on it. The characters are fine, if not particularly interesting. Most of the voice actors do a good job, with Martin Short in particular being a highlight (I like Martin Short. So sue me). I think what bogs the film down mostly is its mediocre animation. The elephants aren't so bad, but the humans are pretty spooky-looking. Also, the jokes aren't very funny, though they could've been a lot worse - I didn't see ONE pop culture reference, which is quite an accomplishment since, again, this was made by the same company that gave us Doogal.

Maybe we'll look at Elephant Kingdom another time, maybe we won't, I'm not sure. If you want to watch this film for yourself, like I said, you can find it on YouTube. It's nothing spectacular but I think it's worth watching at least once, especially if you're like me and love elephants.

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