Let's Watch This: "Babes in Toyland" (1997)

When you hear "Babes in Toyland", there's a pretty good chance you think of the 1961 Disney movie starring Ed Wynn, Ray Bolger, Tommy Sands, and Annette Funicello. Well, you might or might not have already known this, but that movie was actually an adaptation of an operetta composed by Victor Herbert. It wasn't even the first movie adaptation of the operetta, that honor goes to a 1934 film starring Stan Laurel and Oliver Hardy. Before and after the Disney movie, there's been several different movie adaptations of Babes in Toyland - most of them for television, but there was also an animated adaptation of the story. A direct to video animated adaptation, directed by a Mr. Bluth...

...actually, not THAT Mr. Bluth. I'm actually referring to his brother, Toby Bluth.

Actually, Toby Bluth was a co-director - the other two co-directors were Charles Grosvenor and Paul Sabella. It was produced by MGM Animation, with animation provided by Wang Film Productions, and released on October 14th, 1997. Apparently they were originally going to release it in theaters, but that didn't pan out. That's not a good sign, is it? Like, does that mean the higher-ups at MGM watched the film once it was completed and said "This is bad, if we put it in theaters it's guaranteed to be a flop."?

I suppose I should mention that I've never seen any of the other Babes in Toyland movie adaptations. My knowledge of the operetta basically amounts to that the Disney version is where the wooden soldiers in the Christmas parade at Disney World came from. So don't expect this review to make a lot of comparisons to the other versions of the story. It's an obscure animated movie, that's all the reason I need to do a review of it. Let's head to Toyland!

The movie starts off with the camera panning across a starry night sky until it reaches the moon. Sitting on the moon is a top hat, and what emerges from that top hat is... not a rabbit, as you'd expect, but an egg. Goes by the name of Mr. Dumpty. Did any of what I just said make any sense? Even the moon looks confused...

Mr. Dumpty's been practicing the DreamWorks Face long before he appeared in Puss in Boots.

Suddenly, a shooting star knocks Mr. Dumpty (voiced by Charles Neilson Reily) off the moon, and he has a big fall. With any luck, all the king's horses and all the king's men will be able to put Mr. Dumpty together again. Or maybe they won't have to, he lands safely in a sentient train driving through the clouds... at least one of which is also sentient. Is EVERYTHING sentient in this movie?

I know I already made this joke in my re-review of Hi Hi Puffy AmiYumi, but... what is this,
Pee-Wee's Universe?

Among the folks on this train to Toyland are the dish and the spoon that ran away after the cow jumped over the moon, the Three Bears, and two children named Jack (Joseph Ashton, also the voice of Otto Rocket) and Jill (Lacey Chabert). Suddenly, the train has to stop because Tom, Tom, the piper's son is standing in the middle of the tracks. Mr. Dumpty spews some exposition about how Tom (Raphael Sbarge) should've been back days ago, somebody named Mary is really worried. Tom explains that he was flying in a hot air balloon over the Goblin Forest, making great time, when an arrow suddenly put a hole in the balloon. The Goblin Forest? Sounds like a very spooky place. I do hope we get to see it at some point during this movie.

Holy Toledo, when did Mighty Max take steroids?!

After Tom climbs aboard, he strikes up a conversation with Jack and Jill. Apparently he's the "chief executive toymaker" of Toyland. "They got a huge factory with big machines and hundreds of workers who report to ME!" he claims. "AND I'm a very close personal friend of Santa Claus!" Ah, so THIS is where Santa gets all those toys he gives out. And here I thought they were made by elves.

The train arrives in Toyland, and as soon as he gets off Tom is greeted by his boss Mary (Cathy Cavadini) and her little lamb. Tom is totally into her.

They have the same haircut, so they must be an item.

Tom has a big toy order from Santa Claus, and there are only three days until Christmas so they'd better get on it pronto. As for Jack and Jill, they came to Toyland because they're going to live with their uncle. And what a place Toyland is - full of sentient toys, nursery rhyme characters, and strange architecture. Here, if you see a big pink elephant, it doesn't mean that you're drunk! It's practically paradise... except for the presence of the creepy clowns.

It's like F.A.O. Schwartz on a limitless budget.

After a musical number, Mr. Dumpty offers to take the kids to their uncle's house. And who is their uncle? To the egg's horror, it's Barnaby - and Barnaby just so happens to be the name of a crooked man who lives in a spooky-looking house guarded by a sentient bear trap.

"I'm not your uncle Barnaby, I'm Ebeneezer Scrooge! Come back after I've been visited by the
three ghosts!"

So why are Jack and Jill stuck with this obviously evil guy? Well, they're orphans, and Barnaby (Christopher Plummer) is the only other family they have. But he refuses to take them in until he discovers Jack has money to pay for their keep. "Scramble, Egghead! Beat it! Egg-xit!" he tells Mr. Dumpty. Get it? Because he's an EGG?

Barnaby makes something very clear to Jack and Jill: he detests fun, he abhors laughter, he despises noise and music, he hates candy, but what he especially loathes is toys... which begs the question of why he lives in a place called TOYland. Maybe housing prices are just really good there. He also makes them sleep in the rat-infested attic and threatens to feed them to the goblins if they make any noise, noise, noise, NOISE. Maybe Jack and Jill would be better off living with the Three Bears or something...

Jack, Jill, Mary, and Tom start singing about dreams. I'm not sure if this song was from the original operetta or if they wrote it for this adaptation specifically, like I said I've never seen any of the other Babes in Toyland adaptations. It's a nice song, though.

I sure hope Barnaby doesn't hear Jack and Jill singing - he did tell them not to make any noise
or else he'd feed them to the goblins.

So what is Barnaby's motivation? He's obviously the villain, so he's gotta have a motivation. Well, he wants to buy the toy factory just so he can destroy it... kind of like how Disney bought Blue Sky Studios just so they could destroy it. Yes, I'm still angry about that. He heads into town, leaving Jack and Jill to deal with his nasty cat Azarel... I mean, Scat (Susan Silo). They manage to outwit the cat pretty easily and head to the toy factory themselves.

At the factory, Mary tells Barnaby that the factory is not for sale, but Barnaby claims that if they don't sell it they'll just have to close it down because there are no toy orders from Santa Claus... are there? You know how Tom said that his hot air balloon was shot down while it was flying over the Goblins' forest? It would seem that Barnaby arranged that so the toy factory wouldn't get Santa's order. But his plan failed, as he promptly finds out. In your face, Barnaby!

Wah wah wah wah waaaaaaaaaaaaaah...

"Take your money and get out," Mary tells Grimsby from The Little Mermaid's evil twin. I wonder, is Santa Claus the only guy this factory gets orders from? Do they also supply toys to stores like Toys R Us and Wal-Mart?

Jack and Jill arrive at the toy factory just as Barnaby is storming out, but fortunately he doesn't see them. It's time for Tom to take them on a tour of the factory - and another song that culminates in Tom building a large wooden soldier, one of a thousand that Santa wants. Mary says it would be impossible to make a thousand of them in two days, but Tom claims it can be done. Unfortunately, Barnaby shows up and drags Jack and Jill back to his house, threatening to feed them to the goblins again if he sees them at the toy factory again.

And now it's time for Barnaby to sing about how much he hates toys and how he shall rid the world of them... and for three beatnik candlesticks to sing about how crooked Barnaby is. Yes, beatnik candlesticks. Because why not?

"Man, I don't dig what that square is cookin' up!"

"Yeah, Daddy-O, he's a zonk on the head!"

"Other beatnik slang!"

After the song, two pirates who up at Barnaby's door. The one with an accent I can't figure out what it is is Rodrigo (Bronson Pinchot), the big fat one is Gonzargo (Jim Belushi). They're answering Barnaby's ad for two dimwitted henchmen to do his bidding. Because you can't be an animated movie villain without two dimwitted henchmen to do your bidding.

Pain and Panic these two are not, though.

Meanwhile, the kids manage to sneak out of the house and, after a close encounter with the sentient bear trap, make a run for the toy factory to help with those wooden soldiers. Nobody knows that Gonzargo and Rodrigo have snuck into the factory, dressed in sheep costumes, so they can sabotage the machinery by throwing a wrench with the head of a monkey... a monkey wrench, in other words... into the gears. I'm not sure if they actually needed the sheep costumes seeing as nobody in Toyland knows who they are, but maybe they're just furries?

Or would somebody who wears a sheep costume actually be considered a woollie?

Jack and Tom manage to get the monkey wrench out of the gears before all the machinery goes ker-blooey. Good guys: one. Barnaby: a big, fat zero. Jill correctly guesses that the strange-looking sheep who are actually just Barnaby's minions in disguise put the wrench in there, so she and Jack chase after them. They try hiding in a flock of sheep, but an angry ram sends them flying right towards the kids, who are standing on a hill with a well nearby. Eventually, they fall into the well and Jack and Jill go tumbling down the hill. Jeez, I almost forgot that these two were meant to be Jack and Jill from the nursery rhyme. I feel silly.

And then guess who shows up?

Are we sure this guy is really their uncle? I don't see a family resemblance...

Barnaby orders Tweedlee and Tweedledum to take the kids to the Goblin Forest. Fortunately, Mr. Dumpty spots them and runs to tell Tom and Mary what's going on. Why he doesn't just attempt to take Rodrigo and Gonzargo on himself? I'm guessing the fact that he's an egg means he's not much of a fighter.

Well, Tom and Mary better hurry up and save the kids - Gonzargo and Rodrigo have already taken them to the Goblin Forest, where they must face off against the eeeeeeevil goblins, led by the terrifying Goblin King.

"You were expecting David Bowie?"

For some reason, Tom and Mary don't bring anyone else with them. I mean, we saw bears and at least one wolf working at the toy factory... why not have them come with you? They might be cutesy anthropomorphic bears and a wolf, but they're still bears and a wolf. Surely THEY have a fighting chance against the goblins. Y'know, with their claws and sharp teeth.

Before the Goblin King can gobble the kids up, Tom shows up and tries to fight him. Wow, Tom's got guts. He doesn't put up much of a fight, but he does allow Jack, Jill, Rodrigo, and Gonzargo to make a run for it. Mary manages to hold off the goblins with a flashlight... because goblins are allergic to light, it would seem. Just like Gremlins. Back in Toyland, Barnaby is trying to wrestle the key to the toy factory away from Mr. Dumpty, eventually managing to trap him on a high wall... oh no, is this going where I think it's going?

Ee-yup. Humpty Dumpty falls off the wall. We don't see his smashed remains, but Barnaby just committed egg-icide. And now the toy factory is his, right? Wrong! The good guys show up just as he's about to head inside.

And Rodrigo and Gonzargo are good guys now, apparently.

Barnaby storms off, and instead of, y'know, having him thrown in Toyland Jail or something, they decide to just let him go. I know you've still got toys to make, but why are you just letting him walk off scott-free? He's probably still gonna try to sabotage the factory again. Ah well, for now they've managed to make all one thousand soldiers. Tom and Mary celebrate by singing a romantic ballad... uh, isn't Humpty still smashed? Aren't they going to call up the king's horses and the king's men to put the poor egg back together? Or at least make a decent omelette?

Tom and Mary's makeout session is interrupted by the arrival of a whole army of goblins. And who's marching alongside them? Barnaby! See, THIS is why you should've thrown him in Toyland Jail.

Why don't the goblins eat Barnaby? They don't seem particularly picky when it comes to eating
humans...

"GOBLINS... GOBLINS... ATTAAAAAAAAAAAACK!" the Goblin King roars, unleashing the goblins onto the streets of Toyland. They run around wreaking havoc for a few minutes before the Goblin King orders them to destroy the factory. It seems as though there's no stopping them... until Mary remembers the wooden soldiers.

I sure hope they're not flammable...

The wooden soldiers and all the toys in the factory march out of the factory and do battle against the goblins. Most of the goblins flee, which makes Barnaby turn on the Goblin King... who promptly shows him why ticking off a rejected Gargoyles character is a bad idea.

He looks like if the genie version of Jafar from Aladdin drank the Grimace Shake.

Long story short, Barnaby and the Goblin King fall off the clock tower but survive because of course they do. Then the kids and the soldiers bathe the Goblin King in beams of light and he explodes, leaving only a puddle of purple goo on the ground. Barnaby is chased off by the goblins. There is much rejoicing.

But wait - what about Mr. Dumpty?

And he's stainless now, too! HOORAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

Santa Claus shows up to collect the wooden soldiers and throw pixie dust everywhere that conjures up Christmas decorations. I guess Tom and Mary hook up and take in the kids. Humpty Dumpty hops aboard the moon and leads everyone in a triumphant reprise of the Toyland song from the beginning. Oh, and according to the credits, Jeff Bergman did some ADR on this. That's pretty cool.

What's the Verdict?

This is definitely one of those movies that was clearly made because some studio saw how much money Disney's animated movies were making in the 1990s and said "We gotta get in on this!" - the same category as something like Thumbelina or Quest For Camelot, or even other direct-to-video animated movies like The Scarecrow. Similar character designs (Mary, in particular, looks like a fusion of Ariel and Belle), similar whimsical tone, similar songs (villain song, romantic ballad, etc.), they even chose to adapt something that Disney already did an adaptation of. But does that make it a bad movie?

I don't think so. The animation is pretty good (not on par with Disney's work at the time, but better than most of their direct-to-video sequels), most of the characters are likeable, the voice actors all do a great job (with Cathy Cavadini and Charles Neilson Reily, in particular, being standouts), the songs are fine, and there are a couple good jokes in there. It's nothing Oscar-worthy, but I personally thought this Babes in Toyland was pretty good for what it was. If you're looking for something to put you in a good mood - or something to show your kids around the holidays when you've already watched the Charlie Brown specials and Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer two or three times - I'd recommend seeking out Babes in Toyland. You can find the full movie on YouTube.

Probably for the best this wasn't released in theaters, though... it would've sucked if this film wound up being a box office bomb like most of the other "trying to be Disney" animated movies at the time were. In fact, I think a lot of 1997's animated movies underperformed. I wonder why that is...

Let's Watch This: "Tom Sawyer" (2000)

I've never actually read the original Tom Sawyer book. My experience with Tom Sawyer-related things basically amounts to Tom Sawyer Island at Disney World and the episodes of Futurama and The Fairly OddParents where he appears. That's it. However, I am pretty sure that in the original book, Tom Sawyer wasn't a cat.

This film was produced by MGM Animation, directed by Paul Sabella and Phil Mendez. Much like Disney's Robin Hood, it turned all of the book's characters into animals - most of them cats, because I guess cats are easy to draw or something. I probably won't be going into how much the film strays from the book because, again, I have never read it. And I know what you're thinking... doesn't my never having read the book make me unqualified to do a review of an adaptation of it? Well, I've never read the original Little Mermaid story either, but that doesn't stop me from liking the movie. And isn't a rule of good adaptations that they should be enjoyable even if whoever's watching it hasn't read the original book? Or am I just making that up?

Well, anyway, this is Tom Sawyer.

We begin by following a dragonfly to a church, where a pig preacher (voiced by Marty Stuart) is leading a gospel number. Did you know that when Robin Hood was in production, they were originally going to have Friar Tuck be a pig, but they made him a badger instead because they were worried that members of the Catholic Church would be offended? With that in mind, it's kind of odd that we have a pig be a preacher in THIS film...

Everybody's havin' themselves a grand ole time, but then the festivities are interrupted by this guy bargin' in:

Have I ever mentioned how much drool grosses me out?

This is Injurin' Joe, a character who was called "Injun Joe" in the original novel but we can't call him that in a kids' movie because it's politically incorrect. Oddly enough, he's voiced by two people - Hank Williams Jr. and Kevin Michael Richardson. And judging from the fact that he swipes the poor box, I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that he's the villain.

But surely the town sheriff (Pat Corley) and his deputy (Thom Adcox Hernandez) will stop Injurin' Joe, right? Well, actually, no... the sheriff is too afraid that he might hurt them. On the one hand, Injurin' Joe is a big, ferocious grizzly bear and the sheriff is some sort of dog (a bulldog, maybe?), but on the other hand, it's the sheriff's job to stop people from doing evil things. Surely he knew the job was dangerous when he took it.

Boy, Satchel from Get Fuzzy has really let himself go...

Meanwhile, at Mama Odie's house...

That looks like a precarious place to live, doesn't it?

We finally get to see Tom Sawyer himself, voiced by Rhett Akins. At the moment, he's fast asleep, dreaming about being in a Fleischer Studios cartoon.

Puss in Boots after a visit to Jenny Craig.

In his dream, he's a pirate. And he's fighting pirates. Question, did the original book have anything to do with pirates? Like, at all?

What about knights? Because one second later, he's a knight battling a dragon.

Even the horse has stick arms and legs. Not a fan of this art style.

And then he's a cowboy.

Seriously, it looks like the horse's head is going to pop off its body.

And then he's... Ali Baba, I guess, being seduced by what is presumably the only human character in the movie. This raises all sorts of questions... do humans exist in this world of anthropomorphic animals? If so, do the animals know about them? If not, why is this being in Tom's dream human, or at least has a human face?

And why is it trying to seduce him? Does Tom have a thing for humans, despite being
a cat?

And then he's an Indiana Jones knockoff, swiping a gem from a tribe of African natives. Yes, it's just as racist as it sounds. We swapped out "Injun Joe" for "Injurin' Joe", and yet THIS was allowed in.

I'll spare you a screencap of the natives.

Tom is woken up by his Aunt Polly (Betty White). He lives with her and his half-brother Sid (Dean Haglund). He also has a pet frog named Rebel (Dee Bradley Baker), who Polly and Sid are grossed out by. "I thought you made it perfectly clear that you didn't want wildlife in the house!" Sid whines. So, there are non-anthropomorphic animals in this world of anthropomorphic animals? I suppose it's not too bad since we haven't seen any anthropomorphic frogs yet, but it's still a headscratcher. It can't just be that only the mammals are anthropomorphic like in Zootopia, we see anthropomorphic birds too.

Also, what kind of frog is that supposed to be? The coloring suggests a poison dart, but they're native to South America so I don't know what one would be doing in Missouri, and physically it resembles a bullfrog...

"Binyah binyah!"

Polly throws Rebel out the window, then complains about how he smashed one of her flowerpots despite the fact that it was her own fault for tossing him out the window in the first place. Sid demonstrates that he's a snide little pain in the rear by telling Tom not to be late for school or else he'll tell their aunt. Though, honestly, I think the big round glasses, hairdo, and bow tie made it pretty clear already that he's one of those "nasty little snitch at school" type of characters.

I swear I've seen a character who looks just like him - same hairstyle and all - in another cartoon,
but I can't put my finger on WHERE...

On their way to school, Tom and Sid come across Huckleberry Finn, a fox voiced by Mark Wills who Sid dislikes because he's always loafin' around fishin' all day instead of getting a good education. Tom insists that Huck doesn't even HAVE to go to school because he's already so smart, to which Sid claims that he's gonna tell Aunt Polly about this. "I like being a snitch!" he declares, chuckling to himself as he leaves. Sid's only been on-screen for, like, five minutes and already I find him incredibly annoying. I know I'm supposed to, but still...

"How should we design Tom?"
"I dunno, maybe take the cat from Oliver and Company and give him hair, then stick
some clothes on him..."

Tom decides to spend some time with Huck instead of following Sid to school. We learn that Huck doesn't take baths - he sees them as a waste of water, since no matter how many baths you take you're just gonna have to take another one. I bet he smells really bad then. Tom tells him about his weird dream, which Huck dubs a "premonition" as he's heard that Redbeard the Pirate buried his treasure around these parts. "I betcha it's in the Boneyard!" he says with a smirk. Upon hearing that, Tom wets his pants. What is the Boneyard? Are we going to get any sort of explanation as to what the Boneyard is?

"Don't ask my why I wear overalls but can't be bothered to put on a shirt. We're animals, it's not
like clothin' is a requirement for us anyhow..."

Then two more cats show up. They are Rebecca "Becky" Thatcher, Tom's love interest voiced by Hynden Walch, and her father, Judge Thatcher, voiced by Wayon Jennings. And upon learning that Rebecca will be attending his school starting that very day, Tom is suddenly super eager to get to school because his being head over heels in love trumps his hatred for the place.

Rebecca reminds me a lot of Jenny from the Secret of NIMH sequel. Most of it probably
stems from the fact that they're both voiced by Hynden Walch, but they have the same color scheme
and general role in the movie too. Odd, isn't it?

Tom sneaks into the school building without the teacher, Mr. Dobbins, noticing. Mr. Dobbins is some sort of bird... I'm guessing a turkey, and he's voiced by Richard Kind. Alas, Sid decides to alert Mr. Dobbins of Tom's being late.

Okay, question - if this guy is supposed to be a turkey, why does he have the coloring of a
GOOSE? Turkeys aren't light grey. Of course, they don't talk, have hair, or wear clothes either, so...

Mr. Dobbins punishes Tom by... forcing him to sit with the girls. Horror of horrors. He doesn't mind, because this gives him the chance to put the moves on Becky.

"Are we in the sandbox? 'Cause I'm diggin' you..."

Side note, I always find it really distracting when cartoons give animals human hairstyles. I think it's because animals like cats are already covered with fur, so it makes me wonder which parts are considered "fur" and which parts are considered "hair". That, and it just looks weird. Could be worse, though... at least it's not like Gadget from Chip 'n' Dale Rescue Rangers, where the "fur" parts are skin-colored, which makes it look like they don't have fur at all outside of the hair on their heads...

Incidentally, Tom's flirting with Becky makes him a bit unlikeable seeing as we promptly lean that he's ENGAGED to another student, Amy Lawrence (Clea Lewis). Which is odd, seeing as they're kids... at least I think they're kids. None of the voice actors are making any sort of effort to actually SOUND like kids. If they go to school, they have to be teenagers at the very least.

"TELL ME MOOOOOOOOOOOOORE ABOUT MY EYES!"

Rebel winds up sneaking into the school - probably because Mr. Dobbins left the window open like an idiot - and as a result we get some WHACKY SHENANIGANS involving him jumping into Mr. Dobbins' mouth and down his throat. Get it? He's got a frog in his throat? Nyuck nyuck nyuck.

This is a wonderful screencap because, out of context, it's unclear just WHAT, exactly, is going on.

After the torturing of Mr. Dobbins concludes, Tom and Becky do some more flirting. Reminder: Tom is engaged.

I just realized something. Tom is a cat. As in a TOMcat. I see what they did there. Come to think of it, why didn't they call the movie Tomcat Sawyer? Did they think it was too on the nose or something?

Are you FELINE the romance that's goin' on between these two?

Get it? FELINE? Because they're... yeah, I'll show myself out...

Through a montage, we see that Judge Thatcher don't approve of Tom havin' a thing for his daughter. For some reason. Maybe he knows that Tom's engaged?

The next day, Tom wants to do some fishing, but Aunt Polly has put him in charge of painting her boat while she and Sid go out for the day. The solution - trick some of the other kids (most of whom are clearly voiced by Dee Bradley Baker) into thinking that painting a boat is fun, fun, fun so that they'll ask if THEY can do the painting for him. He does this through song... and by "song", I mean he and the other characters speak in rhyme to some bouncy music.

Why the heck does the turtle have hair? Turtles do not have hair!

Say, wasn't it a FENCE Tom tricked somebody into painting for him in the book?

Eventually, Becky shows up, and she and Tom do some more flirting. His girlfriend who looks like a cat version of Lila from Hey Arnold is, understandably, not pleased. Fortunately, Tom gets his comeuppance for being a two-timer when Becky tricks him into kissing Rebel.

And Rebel didn't even turn into a prince.

That night, Tom and Rebel sneak out to meet up with Huck and do some treasure-huntin'. They go to the Boneyard, which as it turns out is some sort of cemetery. But they're not the only ones there. Injurin' Joe is forcing a dog voiced by Don Knotts to dig for the treasure as well. And guess who else is there? The town deputy! "This here belongs to the county!" he declares upon seeing the treasure chest.

Then the film takes a really dark turn as Injurin' Joe actually kills the deputy. No, he doesn't tear him limb from limb as you'd expect a big ol' grizzly bear to do, he throws him through the air and he slams his head on a tombstone. Still, that's pretty dark. Maybe they should've called this guy Murderin' Joe.

Not only that, but he also leaves the Don Knotts dog... well, okay, his name is Mutt Potter, I suppose I should probably mention that because just calling him "the Don Knotts dog" sounds lazy... in the pit with the deputy's badge so that everyone will think Mutt killed the deputy. Tom and Huck manage to get away, but Rebel isn't so lucky. Don't worry, he's not killed like the deputy was. Still, being the hostage of a ferocious bear doesn't exactly sound like much fun.

Injurin' Joe really needs a manicure.

Tom knows that if Injurin' Joe finds out he and Huck were the ones who saw what he did to the deputy, they will likely suffer the same fate. So they decide not to tell anyone what they saw. Meanwhile, Sheriff Fu Dog is woken up by a note wrapped through a rock flyin' through his window. The note reads "Mutt Potter is out cold in the ol' boneyard. He sure needs help. Unknown friend..."

The sheriff goes to the boneyard and, of course, assumes that Mutt killed the deputy despite his insistence that he doesn't remember anything. "You're gonna HANG, Potter!" he snarls. "You're gonna HANG from the HIGHEST TREE!"

Becky arrives early at school and sneaks a peek at Tom's test paper. As usual, he got an "F". Then she accidentally spills ink all over it. Tom tries to help clean it off with his tail, but winds up smudging it more. Becky's all "I'm in so much trouble!". Tom suggests that she do what he always does - lie. "You mean, not tell the truth?!" Becky gasps. Yes, Becky, that's basically the definition of lying.

"Lie?! As in, MAKE SOMETHING UP?!"

When Mr. Dobbins shows up and sees the spilled ink, Amy tattles on Becky (shouldn't that be Sid's job?), but Tom claims that HE spilled the ink and he has the ink on his tail to prove it. Mr. Dobbins punishes him by whacking him on the behind with a ruler multiple times. Apparently, it was okay to do that when the novel was first released. These days, Mr. Dobbins would be lucky not to get a pink slip.

"Feel the wrath of my ruler, Offbrand Danny from Cats Don't Dance!"

After school, Huck warns Tom that he thinks Injurin' Joe is on to them. This makes Tom very paranoid, and eventually he winds up running right into Becky again. You know what that means - MORE FLIRTING! Oh, and Amy just so happens to be nearby. I don't even get it. If Tom already has Amy, why does he even need to put the moves on Becky? What does Becky have that Amy doesn't?

Then Becky and Amy start singing. For whatever reason, Becky's singing is done by Lee Ann Womack and Amy's singing is done by Alecia Elliott. Did they think that Hynden Walch and Clea Lewis couldn't sing or something? Did they just want to get more country singers into the film somehow?

Well, eventually Becky finds out that Tom is, y'know, engaged and she's pretty mad. That's what you get for being a two-timer, Tom.

That night, Tom and Huck head off to bring a ham to Mutt in the hopes that it'll help him remember what happened the night that Injurin' Joe killed the deputy. Too bad they just so happen to be walkin' by Brer Fox's den...

"That Brer Rabbit won't get away this time. I'm gonna catch him and then I'm gonna eat him
or hang him or skin him or maybe throw him in the briar patch!"

...I mean, Injurin Joe's lair, and he overhears them. As does Rebel, who hops out of the lair to find them, Joe in pursuit.

Wait, if pigs are anthropomorphic in this world, where did they get the ham? Did Tom and Huck...
you know?

After bringing Mutt the ham, Tom, Huck, and Rebel are pursued by Joe through the woods, but they manage to get away via a convenient raft. Presumably, they are swept out to sea, and eventually wash up on an island. When the sun rises, they discover a pile of rocks that just so happens to look a lot like Redbeard's ship...

Boy, this movie is long...

And instead of being concerned that they're stranded on a deserted island with no food or shelter, or that Mutt is still going to get hanged, or that Injurin' Joe is still running free, Tom and Huck have themselves a musical number about friendship, prancing around through a Technicolor landscape where EVERYTHING IS ALIVE. Flowers, clouds, leaves, even the water! THE WATER IS ALIVE. I hate to steal a line from the Nostalgia Critic, but... it's like Pee-Wee's Earth!

Sentient water should not be that terrifying.

Seriously, this whole sequence MUST BE SEEN TO BE BELIEVED. By the time we get to the leaf-breathing dragon showing up, you'd be forgiven for thinking you're on acid.

And why does the dragon have a beak? I know that's hardly the strangest thing in this
musical number, but still...

So after whatever the heck we just watched, we see Aunt Polly, Sid, Becky, the sheriff, Judge Thatcher, and that skunk kid finding the remains of Huck's raft and Tom's boot. They form themselves a search party and, fortunately, eventually drift by the island where Tom and Huck are. Tom and Huck try to get their attention, but are unable to. So, first thing in the morning, Tom says, they're gonna swim back and let them know they're okay... why do they have to wait until morning? Why not try and swim after the rafts right now? Is it just easier to swim in the daylight or something?

But wait, Huck points out. Injurin' Joe is still looking for them, right? Tom says that they'll disguise themselves and live in storm cellars like outlaws. So, wait, hang on... they want to let the townsfolk know they're okay, but they want to disguise themselves and essentially live like outlaws? Why don't they just tell the sheriff "Hey, Injurin' Joe is the one who killed the deputy, and now he's out for us!"?

Well, in the morning, they wind up crashing their wake. So everyone knows that they're still alive. But what about Mutt? He's still gonna get a noose around his neck. Tom wants to clear his name, but Injurin' Joe shows up at the lynching. If he blabs, Injurin' Joe will have his neck. What will Tom do?

Oh, of COURSE he does the right thing. "Injurin' Joe did it!" he shouts. Joe chases after him and Huck, and the sheriff actually decides to do something about it.

I know bears are big, but are they really THAT big? Is Joe just abnormally large? Or are the rest
of the characters just small?

Long story short, Joe winds up falling through a bridge and into the river. And the river leads to a waterfall because of course it does. Tom and Huck are heroes. Tom and Becky sneak away from the party to do some spelunking... jeez, shouldn't the movie be over by now? The bad guy's been defeated, Mutt's been saved, where the heck are the credits?

At one point during this scene, Tom and Becky see a skeleton. A skeleton that looks more
like a human's than an animal's. This just makes things more confusing.

The others eventually notice that Tom and Becky snuck off and head to the cave to rescue them. And then we get another song. Seriously, shouldn't the movie be over? What is the purpose of this scene? Oh, so they can find that treasure Tom was so determined to get his paws on.

And, as it turns out, for the actual climax. You see, Injurin' Joe somehow survived hurtling over a waterfall and just so happened to land in that very same cave.

Seriously, even for a BEAR Joe looks abnormally large...

Blah blah blah, more chasing, Tom and Becky wind up back in the hot springs of Nickelodeon slime, and the others show up just in time. Huck sics a flock of bats on Joe, allowing Tom and Becky to get away. Then water starts rushing in. Water and rocks. Lots and lots of rocks. One of which clobbers Joe. So, he can survive a waterfall but a ROCK takes Joe out. Okay then...

After that, the roof caves in and this is the result:

A skylight. Not sure how that's impressive...

Amy hooks up with Huck, leaving Tom free to hook up with Becky. Sid is punished for the crime of being a snitch. All's well that ends well.

What's the Verdict?

There isn't anything really "bad" about Tom Sawyer. The animation's good, most of the voice actors do a fine job, and the songs are decent. However, the film does have a few problems. For one thing, it's long. Very, very long. There are a couple pointless scenes that could've easily been taken out. Even the trippy musical number with the sentient water. On top of that, Tom, Huck, and Becky are kind of dull. Making the characters animals was a nice touch, but there's not much variety - it's mostly cats and dogs. Why couldn't they have made the Sheriff, I dunno, a raccoon or a weasel or something? Or made Amy a mountain lion or a bobcat?

Still, as a whole I think the film is okay. Like I said, I haven't read the original book so I don't know how many liberties this adaptation took (other than the whole "they're all animals" thing). Maybe somebody who's actually read the book can fill me in.

What are we reviewing next time?