Let's Watch This: An Episode of "The Smokey Bear Show"

NOTE: Please do not take any of the little nitpicks in this review (or any of my other reviews, for that matter) seriously. I write these reviews in the hopes of making people laugh. Those nitpicks are really just dumb little observations that I'm attempting to make jokes out of, not complaints that add to whether or not I like something.

NOTE #2: No disrespect is meant towards anyone who worked on the show I am reviewing today. I'm sure they are all very nice and talented people.

NOTE #3: If you like this show, that is great. Go ahead and like it. I'm not judging you.

Do I really need to tell you who Smokey Bear is?

This bear is one of the most iconic bears in the history of advertising mascots, right up there with the Charmin bears and the Coca-Cola polar bears. And the Icee polar bear. And the Snuggle bear. And Sugar Bear. And the A&W bear... wow, there's a LOT of bear advertising mascots. First created in August 1944, Smokey's mission has always been to remind us that only we can prevent forest fires. Have YOU prevented a forest fire recently? Or ever? I know I haven't. In my defense, I don't spend a lot of time in forests in general...

Smokey is still around (he's got a pretty active Instagram account for one thing), but you don't see much of him on TV nowadays. Apparently, it's far more important to have ten ads for medicine with a thousand side effects than to remind people about doing our part to prevent forests from going up in flames. But during the 1960s, Smokey was so popular that the good folks at Rankin-Bass did a TV special about him. That special, The Ballad of Smokey the Bear, aired on NBC in 1966. Apparently it did well enough in ratings that Rankin-Bass got the go ahead to make an entire cartoon show about Smokey.

While The Ballad of Smokey the Bear was animated in Rankin-Bass' iconic "Animagic" stop-motion, the show was done in traditional cel animation outsourced to Toei Animation. It premiered on ABC on September 6th, 1969. Seventeen episodes, each one consisting of three segments, were produced - the show's not getting very high ratings put the brakes on more episodes being produced, so for the 1970-1971 season it went into reruns.

The show's theme song gives us a look at Smokey's backstory. He was saved from a forest fire in New Mexico by a forest ranger (this part was based on an actual bear cub also saved from a forest fire in New Mexico, who was named "Smokey" after the character). Then he went to Washington D.C. and became a ranger (the aforementioned actual bear cub also went to Washington D.C., but he wound up in the National Zoo, not as a forest ranger). Smokey (voiced by Jackson Weaver) was joined in his cartoon adventures by a bunch of new characters, such as his deputies Benny the rabbit (voiced by Paul Soles) and Gabby the mountain lion (voiced by Carl "WHY WEREN'T YOOOOOOOOOOOOOU AT ELF PRACTICE?!" Banas). Only four episodes of the show have been made publicly avaliable - you'll have to go to YouTube or the Internet Archive to find them.

Is The Smokey Bear Show any good? We're going to watch the second episode of the show today and find out. Our first segment is called "The Silliest Show on Earth"...

This segment takes place back in the days when Smokey was just a cub. He had a baseball cap instead of his usual ranger's cap, the voice of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (Billie Mae Richards), and still couldn't be bothered to put on a shirt. He's hanging out in the forest with Benny and another friend of theirs, a skunk named Freddy Fume (also Carl Banas). Smokey suggests that they help out the charity drive for the orphanage, but Freddy reminds him that they don't have much money. They ARE animals, after all.

"Be honest, do you guys think I use too much eyeliner?"

To make some money, Smokey suggests that they put on a circus. They enlist the help of all their other anthropomorphic animal friends. Benny's gonna do a trapeze act, Bessie Boar (also Billie Mae Richards) is gonna be the world's most graceful ballerina (almost), I assume they're not gonna have a lion tamer because that'd be pretty awkward in a world where all the animals talk and wear clothes. But as they're setting up, they have no idea that they're being spied on.

These two buzzards (I actually wasn't sure what kind of bird they were at first, but Wikipedia calls them buzzards so that's what I'm gonna say they are), if I had to guess, are the show's recurring bad guys. I appreciate that, for once, we have a pair of cartoon buzzards that look like actual buzzards as opposed to vultures. One of them suggests that they start a fire, because apparently that's what they consider fun, but the other one has a better idea: they'll sabotage the circus! Why do they want to prevent Smokey from contributing to the charity drive? I don't know. Maybe he said they looked like dorks or something. Or maybe they're just generic two-dimensional cartoon villains. I'm guessing the latter.

Also, one of the buzzards is named Beaky. Why they weren't sued by Warner Bros. over it, I don't know.

So they do such diabolical deeds as spreading butter on the stage to make it slippery, cut the strings holding up the trapeze, and glue the dumbbell that Smokey's cousin Grizzly (Paul Soles) is going to lift to the top of a tree stump. The fiends!

And now it's time for a rousing game of "What Kind of Animal Are Some of These
Characters Supposed to Be". Obviously there's a horse, a pig, a mountain lion, a dog, and
I think a turtle, but what, for example, is that greyish animal with the blue shorts
and balck shoes? Some type of bird?

Because of the glue, Grizzly isn't able to lift the dumbbell - that is, without uprooting the entire tree stump. Well, looks like the buzzards' plan backfired. Grizzly still managed to prove that he is incredibly strong... in fact, this worked out a lot better than him just lifting a dumbbell. Then Bessie does her ballerina act, but slips on the butter before she can do any impressive pirouettes or whatever. Benny's trapeze act winds up being a failure too. At least he lands in the net... y'know, instead of going KER-SPLAT on the ground below like a cotton-tailed pancake.

After that, Freddy spins some plates on sticks... is that a circus act? Seems like more of a street magician's thing. Well, anyway, the buzzards sabotage THAT too. The audience laughs, and then Smokey sees the buzzards holding large saws. They are punished for their diabolical actions by being forced to clean up the circus tent and stuff. The end.

Okay, next segment...

Now, I know what you're thinking: "how can this show make a reference to Mission: Impossible if the first movie came out long after the show aired?". Good question. In actuality, the Mission: Impossible movies are based on a TV show of the same name that first aired in 1966. Of course, there's a fifty percent chance you already knew that. But I didn't until I looked it up while writing this review, so...

The segment starts off with Benny and Grizzly helping Gabby practice for the Wacky Races.

Hey, Gabby, Lazy Luke and Blubber Bear called. They want the Arkansas Chuggabug back.

Smokey shows up after the car is totalled, and Grizzly explains that they were test-driving their new fire engine... yeah, that vehicle was supposed to be a fire engine. I suppose the red paint job on the bottom half should've clued me in. Smokey tells them that he's got a job for them - the forest is in a dry spell, and now the whole forest is basically kindling. One campfire not put out and it could go up in flames. So while Smokey is going on an inspection tour, he wants Benny, Gabby, and Grizzly to keep an eye on their neck of the woods and stay alert. Even though Benny, Gabby, and Grizzly are clearly a few sodas short of a six-pack, I have faith in them not screwing this up.

Of course, if they DIDN'T screw this up, the episode would likely be pretty boring. After Smokey leaves, Benny gets an idea: the nearby swamp is full of water, so what if they got Mike Mole and his kin to dig a tunnel from the swamp to the forest? If a fire starts, they'll simply drain the water from the swamp, and presto: one underground sprinkler system!

"Kiss me, you fool!"

"But we haven't been properly introduced!"

So they enlist the help of the moles, who start digging the tunnels... now that I think of it, why doesn't Benny just dig the tunnels himself? Rabbits are burrowing creatures, after all. Problem is, instead of some sort of underground sprinkler system that they can turn on and off, they wind up creating a GEYSER. Not just that, but water is spouting out of every nook and cranny in town, flooding it.

I gotta ask: how have Benny and Gabby survived as Smokey's deputies for so long if they're this incompetent?

On the bright side, one member of town DID benefit from this: the guy that runs the
boat rental place. Until today, NOBOY bought a boat from his shop.

And on top of THAT, there's a trail of dark smoke emerging from the swamp. Dang it, boys, you had ONE JOB! Fortunately, Smokey shows up in a canoe. "Hop aboard, fellas! We've got work to do over in the swamp!" he tells Benny and Gabby. They put out the fire, but how are they going to get the water out of town and back in the swamp? The answer: by taking it back one bucketful at a time. Why isn't Grizzly helping them? Heck, where IS Grizzly? He just vanished from the episode after the town got flooded.

Our third segment is...

Freddy is woken up one morning by the town mayor, an owl (Carl Banas), as well as Bessie and a fox named Floyd (Carl Banas). The town council has decided that Freddy is a "shiftless lout". So Floyd says that he'll have to get a job. "Floyd, you've got no business to talk dirty, what with Bessie being a lady and all!" Freddy declares.

I know this show predates it, but Sitting Ducks did this joke a lot better:

After they explain it a bit more, Freddy agrees to get a job - but he's not very good at job-hunting, so they'll have to find one for him. After some discussion, they name him "Commissioner of Public Works". Smokey isn't so sure that's such a good idea, and neither am I considering that Freddy doesn't seem super-bright and we learned in the previous segment that leaving idiots in charge of important things is a bad idea (see also Donald Trump being president).

Hey, look, they literally put lipstick on a pig.

The first thing Freddy does is have a bridge built. Half of it falls apart almost immediately after it's completed, which makes the mayor, Bessie, and Floyd realize that maybe this isn't working out. So they make him the WATER Commissioner instead. His first act of business in THAT department is making the beavers build some kind of irrigation system. So how long until the town is flooded again?

A-yup. The irrigation system falls apart and that's exactly what happens. I'm honestly starting to wonder if this is because of Freddy's incompetince or if the beavers just aren't very good at building things that aren't dams.

Once again, sales at the boat rental place skyrocket.

Next the mayor, Bessie, and Floyd make him superintendent of the school - because clearly an animal who has about as much I.Q. as a rock is the one qualified to be in charge of a place where kids go to learn, right? He announces that he's got a plan to fix the problem they're having with crowded classrooms: 365 school holidays a year!

Sounds like a good idea to ME, though personally I've always loathed school. Well, preschool wasn't so bad, but after that? No thank you. Smokey, the mayor, Bessie, and Floyd don't agree with me, though, and Smokey suggests that they give Freddy the job of Official Custodian of the town's cannon. In other words, he's getting paid to sleep in front of the cannon, which is what he was doing at the beginning of the episode. Are you sure leaving this guy in charge of a cannon - y'know, a WEAPON - is a smart move? I sure hope there isn't any ammo in it...

What's this? We're getting FOUR segments in this episode?

This segment is another look at Smokey's youth. He and his pals are playing a game of football. Their opponents? The buzzards from the first segment, now joined by at least five more. Between Benny's incompetence (he scores a touchdown at his own goalpost), the buzzards' playing rough, and the absense of the team's best player Grizzly, the good guys are getting clobbered. Coach Gabby and Bessie go to Grizzly's cave and find him asleep.

I don't think necks are supposed to bend that way, Gabby.

Gabby decides what Grizzly needs is a quick burst of energy, so he tricks him into getting stung in the behind by bees. Gabby's a sadist, it would seem. But it does the trick - Grizzly runs onto the field, grabs the ball, and makes a touchdown. Two of 'em, in fact!

The show wraps up with Smokey telling the audience to give whatever matches they find to their mom or dad. Playing with matches is dangerous. It's not even that much fun. But you know what IS fun? Playing with pool noodles. Especially when you're actually IN a pool. Playing with modeling clay is fun, too. You can build all sorts of neat things with it. But don't play with matches, okay?

What's the Verdict?

I think I've said this before, but the hardest cartoons to review are the ones that aren't really good or really bad. It's really hard to make funny jokes about something that isn't giving you enough to work with. Case in point, The Smokey Bear Show is another cartoon that I'm going to have to put in the "mediocre" category, and that, it seems, made for a mediocre review. Then again, aren't ALL of my reviews mediocre?

The characters created for the show are very dull and uninteresting. The animation is mediocre - about on par with Rankin-Bass' usual 2D output, particularly when the characters move. The jokes aren't funny, and the plotlines are generic. There wasn't even much of a reason for the show to star Smokey at all, he basically feels like an afterthought in each segment (as does the subject of fire safety, which only appears in the second segment and that's about it). All this really has going for it is the voice acting, everyone's doing their best but it doesn't save the show from being very blah. There are far better cartoons worth your time.

Rating: Two and a half lazy skunks out of five. Not much of substance.

Perhaps the moral of today's story is that characters who star in advertisements and PSAs just can't carry their own show. Remember when they tried to make a show about the GEICO cavemen? It got even less episodes than THIS SHOW did! Honestly, maybe it's a good thing that Chester Cheetah show they wanted to make in the 1990s didn't get off the ground...

Let's Watch This: "Frosty's Winter Wonderland" (1976)

NOTE: Please do not take any of the little nitpicks in this review (or any of my other reviews, for that matter) seriously. I write these reviews in the hopes of making people laugh. Those nitpicks are really just dumb little observations that I'm attempting to make jokes out of, not complaints that add to whether or not I like something.

I guess somebody at Rankin-Bass really liked the idea of doing sequels to their most iconic TV specials in 1976, because they made TWO OF THEM that year. And you thought Rudolph's Shiny New Year was the only one that year, didn't you? No, there is another.

Frosty's Winter Wonderland is the first of three sequels that have been made to Frosty the Snowman. I was originally going to do a review of Frosty Returns this year, but I decided it'd make more sense to review the Frosty sequels in order. Just like the first special, Jules Bass and Arthur Rankin, Jr. served as the directors and Romeo Miller wrote the script. They even got Jackie Vernon back as the voice of Frosty.

The special first premiered on ABC in December 1976. Since then, it's reaired on various networks over the years, but I've never actually watched the whole thing. I guess I just wasn't super-eager to watch a special where plot is "Frosty gets a wife", plus it was years before I could actually rewatch Frosty the Snowman without turning it off before the greenhouse scene.

For whatever reason, this special seems to have kind of a negative reception online. Most of the reviews I've found of it are negative. Let's see which side of the fence I'll fall on. This is Frosty's Winter Wonderland.

The special starts off with some kids building a snowman - a snowman who is clearly NOT Frosty, as evidenced by the fact that he's wearing a straw hat as opposed to a top hat, his nose is a carrot instead of a button, and the lack of a corncob pipe. The kids acknowledge that this snowman isn't gonna spring to life, since only Frosty can do that. Well, and Olaf. And fellow Rankin-Bass character Sam the Snowman. And Snowden (he's a toy, yeah, but he's a toy SNOWMAN, so he counts).

This snowman does have one thing that Frosty doesn't, however - eyes that stare directly
into your soul.

Our narrator, Andy Griffith, shows up and assures the kids that Frosty will return. "You all remember that day Frosty left," he says. Despite the special's wanting us to believe that they are, these are clearly not the same kids from the original special. This is what the kids from the first special looked like:

None of the kids in this special look anything like that. Particularly noticeable is that Karen, the only one of those kids to get a name, is nowhere to be found here. The rabbit doesn't show up in this one either.

As for Frosty himself, he's still hanging out up at the North Pole, now wearing a nice scarf but otherwise looking more or less the same as he did in the first special. Rankin-Bass knew better than to mess with the design of their second most iconic character.

I think his head is a bit wider now, too.

A gust of wind blows a newspaper into Frosty's face, and he sees an article about how the first snow of the season has arrived in... whatever the name of the town from the original special is. Since it's nice and cold there, Frosty can head back without worrying about melting. But first, he heads back to his house, which seems to be mostly made out of ice... Elsa would probably approve...

He writes the kids a letter saying that he's on his way. Huh, he knows how to write now? In the first special he couldn't even count to ten. Frosty's getting smarter. Good for him.

The kids are all very excited to find out that Frosty's coming back, and Andy Griffith tells us that he's got a very special surprise waiting for him when he gets there. "You've heard the old familiar tale, how Frosty came to life..." he says. "But do you know the story... of how Frosty... took a wife?"

"You're probably wondering where Karen and that rabbit from the first special are.
I have no idea. I'm just the narrator here..."

Frosty arrives back in whatever the name of this town is off-camera (no heartwarming reunion scene? Drat) and soon he and the kids are having a lot of fun. But somebody does not approve of Frosty's presence: Jack Frost. A very different Jack Frost than the one featured in the Rankin-Bass special of the same name. This Jack Frost, voiced by Paul Frees, is mad that Frosty is more popular than he is. "Why don't the children love ME? I'M the one who makes winter wonderful!" he complains. 

Just wait until 2012, Jack - after Rise of the Guardians is released, you'll be more popular than ever. Sure, everybody loves Frosty, but does he have a million pieces of fanart on Tumblr? Or hundreds of fanfictions where he's paired up with the female lead from another animated movie? I don't think so.

Maybe he's just mad that his own Rankin-Bass Christmas special isn't as iconic as Frosty's.
Then again, THIS special was made before THAT one, so...

Jack introduces himself to Frosty and the kids, but despite his best efforts, the kids dub him a "big braggart" and say that Frosty's a lot more fun. Wow, way to be blunt, kids. Then Jack gets an idea - the hat is what brings Frosty to life, isn't it? If he eliminates the hat, he eliminates Frosty. Then everybody will love HIM. Either that, or he'll be known as "the guy who killed Frosty" and the kids will hate him even more. Here's a suggestion, Jack Frost - you want to be popular? Convince the folks at Wendy's to name a popular item on their menu after you, it worked wonders for Frosty.

That night, Frosty and the kids ride in a sleigh pulled by two horses to the local ice skating rink. Frosty makes a figure nine as opposed to a figure eight (he still can't count. He can write, but he still can't count). Jack attempts to steal the hat, but winds up with the hat from one of the horses instead. Good thing the horse just so happened to be wearing a top hat as well. Anything to get Jack Frost out of their hair (at least for the kids, since Frosty doesn't have hair).

Just a suggestion, Mr. Frost - maybe you'd be more popular if you didn't go around nipping
at peoples' noses. Not everybody likes having their schnozz bitten.

The next day, the kids notice something different about Frosty - and no, it's not that he's wearing a scarf now. He admits that every night, when the kids go home, he gets lonely. One of the kids suggests that he get himself a wife, or at least a girlfriend. Problem is, there aren't a lot of sentient snowwomen wandering around, nor are there any internet dating sights for snowpeople. But since Frosty was built by the kids... or at least, by OTHER kids who aren't in this special for whatever reason... then what's stopping the kids from just building the wife too?

So the next morning, the kids start building Frosty's wife, designed to Frosty's specifications. He wants her "kind of round and plump". Much like Moto Moto, he likes 'em big, he likes 'em chunky.

Isn't it kind of funny that Frosty has actual arms and legs made of snow? When most people
make snowmen, don't they usually give them sticks for arms and no legs at all? Clearly the kids
in these Rankin-Bass specials are much more skilled at this snowman-making thing than we are...

For her eyes, they use two blue beads that sparkle like sapphires. Her nose is a thimble, her mouth is a string of pink yarn. They even give her hair, via an old dust mop, and clothing in the form of an apron. I hope that doesn't make Frosty self-consious about being bald and naked.

Now they just need to give her a name. The kids suggest names like "Cleopatra", "Ermentrude", and "Minnehaha". Even the horses offer a suggestion, but nobody else agrees that "NEEEEEEEEEEEIGH" would be a good name for a snowwoman. One kid suggests "Corn Flakes". Does that qualify as product placement?

"What? People are named after cereal all the time. Just ask my Uncle Cocoa Puffs..."

Frosty eventually suggests "Crystal", and everyone agrees that it's a great name. There's just one small problem - how are they going to bring her to life? Magic hats are pretty rare. "Well, it was a nice idea anyway..." Frosty laments.

And to make matters worse, Jack Frost is realizing that the hat he stole isn't Frosty's. "Somebody's been horsing around with Jack Frost!" he declares, and he thinks it's all Frosty's fault for some reason.

There's something in your eye, Mr. Frost. In fact, it's in your other eye too.

"I'll show them, though... that nobody makes a fool of Jack Frost!" Jack snarls, his eyes turning red - quick, somebody get him some Clear Eyes. For dry, red eyes, Clear Eyes is AWESOME.

Hello, nightmare fuel.

Frosty stands out there in front of Crystal all night, eventually picking up a lovely bouquet of "frost flowers" which he'd made from the snow and placing it in her hands. And believe it or not, somehow, those flowers bring Crystal (voiced by Shelley Winters) to life. It's a Rankin-Bass special, just go with it.

"I feel like we were made for each other!"

"I WAS made for you!"

"I know! That's why I feel like it!"

Frosty and Crystal run around all happy and in love, unaware of the presence of Jack Frost, who uses a winter wind to knock the hat off of Frosty's head and swipe it. Now Frosty is inanimate. Where's Santa Claus when you need him?

But Crystal declares that removing the hat isn't enough to remove Frosty. "You have a wife - except for the formalities, that is - to help you now," she points out before making a snow flower to place on Frosty's "button hole" and planting a kiss on his cheek. And that does the trick! Frosty comes back to life!

...say, does this mean that magician guy from the first special can have his hat back now?

Speaking of the magician, at least Jack Frost didn't do what he did and lock Frosty in a greenhouse.

"I've been outfrosted again!" Jack moans. Sorry, Frost, but you're no match for THE POWER OF LOVE. The kids run outside to put on the wedding, somehow even managing to find Parson Brown (Dennis Day) to marry them. Fun fact: there is no actual person named Parson Brown, he's just a character invented for the "Winter Wonderland" song. For more information, please watch this hilarious video I found on YouTube.

I also just now realized that Parson Brown is here because the name of the special is "Frosty's
WINTER WONDERLAND". I feel stupid for not realizing that earlier...

Parson Brown says that he's legally only allowed to marry people, not snowpersons, so he suggests that they build a snowparson so HE can do the job. So they build a snowparson and place a copy of the Good Book in his hand to bring him to life. I wonder how else this "certain object brings a snowperson to life" deal works. If someone were to, say, build a snowman that looks like Jack Nicholson and put an Academy Award in its hand, would we then have a snow Jack Nicholson?

Jack shows up again and tries to stop the wedding with another powerful wind. Instead of just getting a restraining order against the guy, Frosty and Crystal get the idea to make Jack Frost their best man. And Jack's heart grows three sizes that night.

So the wedding gets started, and an offscreen chorus sings "Winter Wonderland". I was gonna make a joke about how Frosty and Crystal should avoid the "conspiring by the fire" part since, y'know, they'd melt, but the animators thought ahead for that:

Technically, they're conspiring by the ice crystals, but who cares?

We even get a glimpse of Frosty and Crystal's eventual offspring! No, I don't know how snowpeople reproduce. My guess is that they build the kids out of snow and then bring them to life somehow.

And indeed, Rankin-Bass' 1979 release Rudolph and Frosty's Christmas in July (I'll review that one at some point too) showed that Frosty and Crystal do have two kids, Millie and Chilly. The third one seen here isn't in it, though. Neither is the snowdog.

I also don't know why the snowkids don't have noses. What, could they just not find three buttons?

"I now pronounce you, snowman and wife!" the snowparson (also Dennis Day) says, which is Frosty and Crystal's cue to suck face. And so Frosty and Crystal live happily ever after. Only downside is, when April rears its ugly face, the temperature starts to rise. But Jack Frost assures them that winter never has to end. "With me around, this fun can go on forever!" he announces. And it does. So what if this inconveniences the spring flowers, and all those hibernating animals, and all the sports teams that want to start spring training?

Parson Brown points out to them that winter can't go on forever, which means that it's time for Frosty and Crystal to head back to the North Pole until next winter. By the way, in case you're like me and you were wondering where the heck Karen is, she finally makes a brief cameo:

Or maybe somebody just stole her clothes. I don't remember Karen being that tall...

But before they go, they head through town and run into that traffic cop (Paul Frees once again) from the first special. He's totally cool (no pun intended) with the fact that there's a talking snowman now, but TWO of them? He's so surprised that he swallows his whistle again!

"And they're eventually going to have KIDS?! How is THAT possible?!"

Frosty, Crystal, and Jack Frost hop aboard a train to the North Pole, and spring arrives. "May all your winters be wonderful!" Andy Griffith tells us. "And frosty, too!" Frosty and Crystal add. The end.

What's the Verdict?

While Frosty's Winter Wonderland obviously isn't as good as the first special, it's a nice little follow-up. The animation isn't quite as smooth and slick-looking as the first, and I can't help but be a little annoyed at the lack of Karen (y'know, the first special's secondary lead character?) and the rabbit. Even having the magician pop in again, if just for a cameo, would've been nice. But Frosty's natural charm as a character does a lot of heavy lifting, and Crystal proves to be a good match for him despite not showing up until halfway through. Of the two Rankin-Bass 1976 sequels, I think I'd give the edge to Rudolph's Shiny New Year just because of how much more "out there" it is. This would've benefitted from the presence of a caveman or a whale with a clock in its tail or something.

I give Frosty's Winter Wonderland four snowballs out of five. AMC is going to air it twice this month (first on the 21st, then on Christmas Eve), so be sure to set your DVRs.

Further reading:
- The Anime Madhouse's review of the first special
- Nothing But Cartoons' review of the first special
- Up on the Shelf Reviews' review of the first special

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Let's Watch This: "Rudolph's Shiny New Year" (1976)

 FIRST, A QUICK DISCLAIMER

I wrote this review with the intention of posting it at some point before Christmas. However, I had problems with my laptop so I couldn't post it until December 24th - Christmas Eve. So I decided, to heck with it, I'll just post it after Christmas but before New Year's Eve. I mean, most of the film takes place after Christmas and it's got "New Year" in the title, so I guess it's more of a New Year's special than a Christmas special anyway. I suppose it would've made more sense to post it on New Year's Eve, but I like to post on my blog every other week and it's been two weeks since I posted my review of Cranberry Christmas, so I'm posting it now, thank you very much. And now, onto the review...

I originally began the review with a set of new lyrics to "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" based on the fact that this special exists, but upon re-reading it I thought it was really stupid and cringe-worthy so I deleted it.

Anyway, Rudolph's Shiny New Year is a 1976 sequel to the iconic Christmas special about Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer by Rankin-Bass. It premiered on December 10th (quite a few days before New Year's). It features several new characters voiced by Red Skelton, Frank Gorshin, Don Messick, and Paul Frees. Billie Mae Richards reprised her role as Rudolph. It's aired on TV a couple times since then, ABC Family for example would usually include it in their "25 Days of Christmas" lineup. Is the special any good? Well, let's find out...

The special begins with a narrator singing, "You know Rudolph, who guided and pulled Santa's sleigh, and who saved Christmas by lighting the way... but there's more to tell... Rudolph saved the New Year as well... and it all began on that very same foggy night..."

After making his trip around the world delivering presents, Santa received a very strange message... and apparently also received some plastic surgery, too. This is how Santa looks in this special:

And here's how he looks in the original special:

For whatever reason, they used completely different puppets for both Santa AND Rudolph. In fact, I think that's the very same puppet they used for Santa in The Year Without a Santa Claus (I could be wrong, though). Which does kinda make sense, seeing as that was made at least two years earlier so it'd be easier to just use the puppet they used for Santa in THAT special than it would be to dig through the Rankin-Bass archives trying to find the puppet used in the original Santa special. He's also voiced by Paul Frees instead of Stan Francis or Mickey Rooney. Though Paul previously did the voice of Santa in Frosty the Snowman, for what it's worth.

Anyhow, the message is from Santa's old friend Father Time, and he's in terrible trouble. The old year ends in a week, but this time, there may not be another year to follow. So apparently everyone will be stuck in the old year. I'm not sure what year this special takes place (I'm guessing 1964, since that's when the original special was released and this takes place shortly after), but if we had this problem THIS year (or in 2016 or 2019, for that matter), we would indeed all be in terrible trouble.

According to the message, the baby new year, Happy, is missing. And if the baby new year isn't found, the old year will just keep going on and on and it'll be December 31st forever. Not that the messenger elf (at least, I'm assuming that this guy is an elf) who may or may not also be recycled from The Year Without a Santa Claus seems all that concerned about it:

Then again, that could be because he's too stoned to realize what a mess they're all in.

"I'll send out a search party at once!" Santa exclaims. "But wait... nobody could find their way anywhere in all this darn fog and snow." Nobody that is, except for Rudolph! Thus, he finds Rudolph and tells him that he must find the Baby New Year - and he's only got a week to do it. "Rudolph, with your nose so bright, you've six days left to make things right," he says. Not quite as iconic a line as "Rudolph, with your nose so bright, won't you guide my sleigh tonight?" Regardless, Rudolph tells Santa that he'll do his best, and he heads out into the snow.

"Oh, uh, by the way, Santa? Any chance you could tell me just where, exactly, I should
LOOK for this 'Baby New Year'? Come to think of it, could you give me some clue as to
what he LOOKS LIKE?"

By the way, no other characters from the original special show up - no Hermey, no Yukon Cornelius, no Bumble, nada. I guess they were all too busy to help Rudolph with his quest.

So Rudolph heads off on his way to see the narrator, who reveals himself to actually be Father Time.

No, not that one. THIS one:

Kind of looks like they just tweaked the Winter Warlock puppet from Santa Claus is Comin' to Town for
this guy...

Father Time (voiced by Red Skelton) tells us that he does what all fathers do - he takes care of things, time mostly. "I keep everything in tip-top tick-tock shape!" he explains. "But most of all, I make certain that every 1st of January, we have a bright and happy new year."

Father Time takes us back to the night when Rudolph set out on his quest. He was soon joined by one of Father Time's most trustworthy officers, General Ticker (Paul Frees) - "a real clockwork soldier", he says. He kind of sounds like Foghorn Leghorn.

"I say, boy, this snow, I say, this snow is freezin' my gears off! Get it? Gears off? 'Cause I've got a clock for a stomach!
That's a joke, boy!"

Eventually, they reach the edge of the Great Desert, which houses the Sands of Time. Yeah, I hope you like time puns, because there are a lot of them in this special.

Don't let Anakin Skywalker see this.

Father Time's castle is on the other side of the desert. Rudolph is all "How are we gonna cross this big, vast desert?!", but fortunately a camel shows up and introduces himself as Quarter Past Five - I'm sorry, THE GREAT Quarter Past Five (Frank Gorshin). I love camels. Especially goofy cartoon ones. Alas, there aren't that many goofy cartoon camels. The only other one I can think of is the camel from that creepy Raggedy Ann and Andy movie. We need more goofy cartoon camels, dang it.

Didn't we previously see this guy in The Little Drummer Boy?

"Father Time sent me to help you with your journey," the Great Quarter Past Five explains. Rudolph and General Ticker climb aboard, but just as they're halfway across they're suddenly attacked by a giant vulture.

Oh, no; it's Vlad Vladikoff!

This is Eon the Terrible (Paul Frees), a horrible monster bird that's terrified the Sands of Time for countless ages. He pursues Rudolph, General Ticker and the Great Quarter Past Five, but eventually decides that there's better pickings and flies off. I gotta say, Paul Frees does one heck of a scary monster bird voice.

"It's not US that he's looking for," the Great Quarter Past Five says. General Ticker clarifies for Rudolph - he's searching for the baby new year. "You see, Eon can only live until he is one eon old," the Great Quarter Past Five tells Rudolph. "Then he will turn into ice and snow." And his eon is coincidentally enough up this December 31st. Thus, if he captures the baby new year, he'll stop time and live forever, which is terrific except that his idea of a fun time is scaring people, so he'll be free to scare people forever. Rudolph tells the Great Quarter Past Five to get them to Father Time's castle and quick.

Eventually, they arrive at the castle, which is the cue for a chorus to start singing about having a happy new year. Because this moment apparently needed a song. But hey, at least it's a catchy song.

It's a very brief song, too.

Inside, Father Time tells Rudolph that his nose is as red as his hair used to be... except that his hair (the hair on the very top of his head, I mean) still looks pretty red to me... well, more of a dark orange than red, but I believe having dark orange hair still qualifies you as a "red-head". He starts rambling on about how new years work - every January 1st, a baby new year is I guess crowned king or something, but by December he's an old man and on December 31st has to give up the crown to a NEW baby new year, who in turn will the next December 31st give up the crown to a new baby new year and so on. Oh, I'm sorry, he doesn't RAMBLE about it - he SINGS about it.

But the baby new year for THIS year, Happy, ran away. Father Time didn't know that Happy wasn't, well, happy at the castle. You see, Happy has rather big ears.

Clark Gable would be impressed

And when everybody saw those big ears, they started laughing. None of them meant to be cruel (so that's one thing they had over the jerks that laughed at Dumbo's big ears), but Happy was so sad that he ran away. Maybe he decided to start up a mining business with six dwarves.

"Gee, I wish he would've come to me," Rudolph says sympathetically, "I know just how he felt. Bet they called him names... wouldn't let him join in any new year games..." But the good news is, Father Time has some idea as to where he might have went - Happy's nurse, Nanny Nine O'Clock (Iris Rainer Dart), mentioned that he always wanted to see the "Archipelago of Last Years". For those who like me have no idea what an Archipelago is, Father Time clarifies that it's a group of islands.

"The Archipelago of Last Years is the most fantastic Archipelago of all," he explains. "Far north, in the most northern of all Northern Seas, hidden from the rest of the world by an everlasting icy fog, each island is an old year." When a new year is over, he heads to an island in the Archipelago where time stands still.

"I've recently visited the Island of 1993. Everybody's obsessed with some movie called Jurassic Park,
Bill Clinton is still the president, and Beanie Babies are a brand-new thing."

"I'll search every island if I have to!" Rudolph vows. Word of advice, Rudolph - avoid the Island of 2016. That year sucked, so I really don't want to see what the Island of 2016 is like. Come to think of it, avoid the Islands of 2017 and 2019 too. Those years also sucked. Maybe steer clear of the Island of 2020, too, 2020 REALLY sucks... dang, why have so many years since 2015 sucked? The only one that wasn't god-awful was 2018, and even THAT wasn't a GREAT year.

So Rudolph heads to where the Sands of Time meet the Seas of Auld Lang Syne. There he finds a giant sundial, the "hand" of which points to the Archipelago of Last Years, then he finds a small wooden sailboat (the sail being a calendar is a nice touch) and sails off as we get another musical number.

And at one point during the song, THIS happens.

But as Rudolph is sailing, Eon the Terrible reappears. "Oh, no! It's Eon!" Rudolph exclaims with a noticeably unconcerned expression on his face. He apparently found out offscreen that Rudolph is searching for Happy, and he plans to put a stop to that.

"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE'S EON!"

Fortunately, just as Eon is about to swoop down and... eat Rudolph, I guess, he's scared off by Monstro the whale emerging from the water.

I love goofy cartoon whales, too.

Well, okay, it's not actually Monstro. It's actually another whale by the name of Big Ben (Harold Peary doing a Thurl Ravenscroft impression), likely called that due to the clock on his tail. "Climb inside! It's safe in there," he invites Rudolph. Rudolph does, but Big Ben finds it hard to talk when his mouth is full, so Rudolph decides to ride on top instead. Eon swoops down to try and nab Rudolph again, but Ben Ben ain't having none of that. "You're a bad bird, Eon," he says.

"I'll eat you. Don't think I won't do that. Because I will. Eat you. I'll do it."

After Eon flies off, Big Ben takes Rudolph to the oldest island in the Archipelago of Last Years - the Island of One Million B.C., a prehistoric jungle populated by dinosaurs. It's here that Rudolph meets One Million B.C. himself, a goofy caveman with the voice of Morey Amsterdam.

"Yabba-dabba-DOO!"

"Why for the edges on your mouth go down, not up?" One Million - or O.M., as he calls himself - asks Rudolph. Rudolph explains that he's looking for Happy, the Baby New Year, and he's concerned that he won't find him in time. One Million starts up another musical number, "It's Raining Sunshine", which is all about thinking positive.

And his backup singers are a bunch of rejected Land Before Time characters.

After the song, One Million reveals that Happy DID stop by the Island of One Million B.C., where he made friends with all the dinosaurs. But then they all saw his big ears, and started laughing. Again, no harm was intended, but Happy became sad and left the island.

So Rudolph, One Million, and Big Ben search for another two days. Happy's not on the Islands of 1893, 1492, 1965, or 4000 B.C. (all the guys on THAT island could think about was building pyramids). Fortunately, they're approaching the promising-looking Island of 1023, just about the most fantastic island in the whole Archipelago. It's a regular Fantasyland, full of castles and princesses and knights in shining armor. On the island, they meet old Sir 1023 (Frank Gorshin) himself, a knight with a long brown beard.

He shouts pretty much every single line that he has.

It turns out that Happy IS on the island, but Sir 1023 has no idea where. Thus, they go looking for him, encountering a bunch of different characters from nursery rhymes and fairy tales - apparently, 1023 is the year where they all took place. They encounter Little Red Riding Hood, with the Big Bad Wolf not far behind...

I like how the wolf is just peeking out of the bushes.

Cinderella and Prince Charming (Don Messick)...

He honestly looks more like the prince from Snow White to me...

Hey, wait a second... isn't that the girl from Jack Frost?

The Three Little Pigs...

Why do so many cartoon pigs walk around without pants on?

Little Miss Muffet and the Spider who sat down beside her...

So, when do they ask Shrek and Donkey if THEY'VE seen Happy?

Humpty Dumpty (Paul Frees), who laughed so hard at Happy's ears that he fell off the wall that he was sitting on (I personally consider that karma)...

He also sounds like an Irish-accented Boris Badenov.

The Seven Dwarfs (Don Messick), who we don't actually see...

Because apparently they didn't have the budget for seven dwarf puppets.

And Rumplestiltskin (Don Messick - he voiced a lot of these Fairy Tale Guys, didn't he?).

He's bummed because Disney never made an adaptation of HIS story...

Meanwhile, Happy winds up crawling into the house of the Three Bears (Don Messick, Iris Rainer Dart and Red Skelton). He does the "too hot/too hard, too cold/too soft, just right" thing, then the bears come home and do the "someone's been eating MY porridge/sitting in my chair/sleeping in my bed" thing, and then they find Happy and the baby bear announces that Happy is going to be his new "little friend".

"No, we're not the Berenstain Bears. Don't worry, though, people make that mistake all the time."

Guess what happens. No, really, guess.

Yep - they see his ears, then they start laughing and despite their not meaning any harm Happy becomes sad and crawls off... and winds up getting captured by Eon. Oh, no!

Rudolph, One Million, Sir 1023, and Big Ben give chase, and eventually Big Ben manages to save Happy but then the kid winds up blowing away via a gust of wind. Eventually, he lands on an island belonging to Benjamin Franklin.

"I spend every day on this island trying to discover electricity. It's a boring life,
but what are you gonna do?"

Actually, this guy's name is 1776 (Paul Frees) - his friends call him "Sev" - and he tells Happy that he's welcome to join their big Fourth of July celebration. On this island, every day is the Fourth of July. So it's kind of like Liberty Square at the Magic Kingdom.

They have a big parade, which results in another song, but wouldn't you know it, they all see Happy's ears and launch into hysterics. I don't even get it, are Happy's ears really THAT funny? I mean, yeah, they're big, but c'mon, they're just ears. So Happy runs off just before Rudolph, One Billion, and Sir 1023 can catch up with him. "We didn't mean to be cruel," 1776 tells them, but he says that he'll help them look for him.

Then they hear the terrible squawk of a certain vulture and run outside to see Eon flying around with Happy in his grasp. "Poor little Happy thinks that Eon is the only friend he has in the world..." Rudolph laments, and when you think the only friend you have in the world is THAT GUY, you know that you've got problems. So they head off after him, and to up the drama, Rudolph mentions that it's only one day until New Year's.

Eon takes Happy back to his home, a terrible place called the Island of No Name (though it's more like a haunted iceberg than an island). "You'll never be found HERE!" Eon bellows, starting to sound less like a frightening villain and more like a country bumpkin. "And I will live FOREVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER! HOO-RAAAAAAAAAAAY!"

"A-hyuck, I'm the villain of this here TV special!"

Fortunately, Big Ben knows the way to the Island of No Name, and with the help of Rudolph's glowing red nose they're able to find it even with all the fog and rain. One Million, Sir 1023, and 1776 start to believe that they're going to fail, but Rudolph gives them a pep talk... that transitions into a song. Do we really need a song here? Personally, I don't think we do...

Okay, so a reindeer, a caveman, a knight, and a Ben Franklin lookalike are riding on
the back of a whale to save a baby from a giant vulture.





And yet, this STILL isn't as weird as Squirrel Boy...

After the song, they make it to the island and realize that it's 11:30 - on New Years' Eve. "We have but one half-hour!" Sir 1023 announces. They climb a tower of ice and snow to Eon's nest, but Eon spots them and sends an avalanche their way. He's all "Ha ha, I'm going to win and live forever!", then he drifts off to sleep. Fortunately, Rudolph melts the snow with his nose and manages to climb up and find Happy.

"So people laugh at your ears. So what? People laughed at Nestor the
Long-Eared Christmas Donkey, and HE went on to do great things."

"I wanna be your friend," he tells Happy, but Happy is worried that Rudolph will laugh at his ears. Rudolph, of course, says that he can relate - when he was little, everyone made fun of his nose. This prompts the nearby trees to, uh, start singing "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" as we transition into hand-drawn animation (a rarity for a Rankin-Bass special, unless it happens to star Frosty the Snowman) telling Rudolph's story. I wonder why they didn't just play clips from the original special instead of spending money on new animation, but eh...

Jeez, that is one scary-looking Santa. Couldn't they have just reused the Santa
character design from Frosty the Snowman or something?

"You see, I stuck it out. And when I grew older, I found that this nose was the most wonderful thing in the whole world!" Rudolph says. I hate to disagree with you, Rudolph, but I can think of a few things more wonderful than your nose. Not that your nose is bad or anything, but it's got nothing on Winnie the Pooh, the sound of children laughing, Eric Bauza, chocolate cake, being wrapped in a warm blanket... let's just say a lot of things. So he gets Happy to take off his hat and show off his ears, and predictably laughs, but he tells Happy that his laughing at his ears is a good thing. Why? Because - get this - "those ears made me feel so wonderful, that all the happiness inside me just had to pop out! Same way with everybody else! Those ears of yours... why, they make folks... HAPPY!"

Uhhhhhhhh... yeah. The moral of this special is "If people laugh at you, don't feel bad. You're just making them happy!" Maybe this could've worked better if they'd reworded it as, I don't know, "Just because somebody finds something about you funny and laughs doesn't mean that they're trying to make fun of you" or something like that, but as is, I'm a little unsure of how good a moral that is...

Then Eon wakes up, but Happy defeats him by - you guessed it - showing him his ears, making the overgrown chicken start laughing his head off. This results in him falling out of his nest. And now he doesn't have to worry about turning to snow and ice, because according to Rudolph, "nobody can turn to snow and ice when they're warmed up inside from laughing". So in other words, this big crazy mess could have been averted if they'd simply set him up in front of a TV playing The Emperor's New Groove or given him a ticket to a live performance by John Mulaney or something.

But, oh no! It's midnight! How are they going to get back to Father Time's castle before... 12:01, I guess? The answer comes in the form of Santa Claus in his sleigh.

"Ho ho ho! It's a Deus Ex Machina to the rescue!"

They make it to Father Time's castle just in time, and Happy is crowned king, resulting in the arrival of the new year - "19-Wonderful", according to Father Time. Everybody sings, and then they wish the audience a happy new year. "And may it be shiny, too!" Rudolph adds. The end.

Didn't Here Comes Peter Cottontail end the same way? With all of the characters gathering
in front of the camera and wishing the audience a happy whatever holiday the special was
focusing on?

WHAT'S THE VERDICT?

Despite being one of Rankin-Bass' lesser-known specials, and having the misfortune of being a sequel to one of their most iconic specials which basically guaranteed that it wouldn't become as beloved, I personally believe that Rudolph's Shiny New Year is pretty good. Sure, it's no Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, and, yeah, the message is a bit iffy, but it's got a whole slew of neat characters, good voice acting, and some catchy songs. Although I could've done without Rudolph's song about believing in him or whatever. If you like the original special, I would recommend giving it a watch. If not, watch the original special first.

To end this review, I'd like to give a link to the hilarious Platypus Comix review of the THIRD part of the Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer saga, Rudolph and Frosty's Christmas in July:
http://platypuscomix.com/darkvault/misfits/misfit34.html

I don't know if I'll be reviewing that one myself, but don't count on me to review that 2001 CGI Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and the Island of Misfit Toys thing. I haven't seen that one in years, but I remember it as being preeeeeeeeeeeetty bad. I doubt I could bring myself to watch it again.