FIRST, A QUICK DISCLAIMER
I originally began the review with a set of new lyrics to "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" based on the fact that this special exists, but upon re-reading it I thought it was really stupid and cringe-worthy so I deleted it.
Anyway, Rudolph's Shiny New Year is a 1976 sequel to the iconic Christmas special about Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer by Rankin-Bass. It premiered on December 10th (quite a few days before New Year's). It features several new characters voiced by Red Skelton, Frank Gorshin, Don Messick, and Paul Frees. Billie Mae Richards reprised her role as Rudolph. It's aired on TV a couple times since then, ABC Family for example would usually include it in their "25 Days of Christmas" lineup. Is the special any good? Well, let's find out...
The special begins with a narrator singing, "You know Rudolph, who guided and pulled Santa's sleigh, and who saved Christmas by lighting the way... but there's more to tell... Rudolph saved the New Year as well... and it all began on that very same foggy night..."
After making his trip around the world delivering presents, Santa received a very strange message... and apparently also received some plastic surgery, too. This is how Santa looks in this special:
And here's how he looks in the original special:
For whatever reason, they used completely different puppets for both Santa AND Rudolph. In fact, I think that's the very same puppet they used for Santa in The Year Without a Santa Claus (I could be wrong, though). Which does kinda make sense, seeing as that was made at least two years earlier so it'd be easier to just use the puppet they used for Santa in THAT special than it would be to dig through the Rankin-Bass archives trying to find the puppet used in the original Santa special. He's also voiced by Paul Frees instead of Stan Francis or Mickey Rooney. Though Paul previously did the voice of Santa in Frosty the Snowman, for what it's worth.
Anyhow, the message is from Santa's old friend Father Time, and he's in terrible trouble. The old year ends in a week, but this time, there may not be another year to follow. So apparently everyone will be stuck in the old year. I'm not sure what year this special takes place (I'm guessing 1964, since that's when the original special was released and this takes place shortly after), but if we had this problem THIS year (or in 2016 or 2019, for that matter), we would indeed all be in terrible trouble.
According to the message, the baby new year, Happy, is missing. And if the baby new year isn't found, the old year will just keep going on and on and it'll be December 31st forever. Not that the messenger elf (at least, I'm assuming that this guy is an elf) who may or may not also be recycled from The Year Without a Santa Claus seems all that concerned about it:
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| Then again, that could be because he's too stoned to realize what a mess they're all in. |
"I'll send out a search party at once!" Santa exclaims. "But wait... nobody could find their way anywhere in all this darn fog and snow." Nobody that is, except for Rudolph! Thus, he finds Rudolph and tells him that he must find the Baby New Year - and he's only got a week to do it. "Rudolph, with your nose so bright, you've six days left to make things right," he says. Not quite as iconic a line as "Rudolph, with your nose so bright, won't you guide my sleigh tonight?" Regardless, Rudolph tells Santa that he'll do his best, and he heads out into the snow.
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| "Oh, uh, by the way, Santa? Any chance you could tell me just where, exactly, I should LOOK for this 'Baby New Year'? Come to think of it, could you give me some clue as to what he LOOKS LIKE?" |
By the way, no other characters from the original special show up - no Hermey, no Yukon Cornelius, no Bumble, nada. I guess they were all too busy to help Rudolph with his quest.
So Rudolph heads off on his way to see the narrator, who reveals himself to actually be Father Time.
No, not that one. THIS one:
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| Kind of looks like they just tweaked the Winter Warlock puppet from Santa Claus is Comin' to Town for this guy... |
Father Time (voiced by Red Skelton) tells us that he does what all fathers do - he takes care of things, time mostly. "I keep everything in tip-top tick-tock shape!" he explains. "But most of all, I make certain that every 1st of January, we have a bright and happy new year."
Father Time takes us back to the night when Rudolph set out on his quest. He was soon joined by one of Father Time's most trustworthy officers, General Ticker (Paul Frees) - "a real clockwork soldier", he says. He kind of sounds like Foghorn Leghorn.
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| "I say, boy, this snow, I say, this snow is freezin' my gears off! Get it? Gears off? 'Cause I've got a clock for a stomach! That's a joke, boy!" |
Eventually, they reach the edge of the Great Desert, which houses the Sands of Time. Yeah, I hope you like time puns, because there are a lot of them in this special.
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| Don't let Anakin Skywalker see this. |
Father Time's castle is on the other side of the desert. Rudolph is all "How are we gonna cross this big, vast desert?!", but fortunately a camel shows up and introduces himself as Quarter Past Five - I'm sorry, THE GREAT Quarter Past Five (Frank Gorshin). I love camels. Especially goofy cartoon ones. Alas, there aren't that many goofy cartoon camels. The only other one I can think of is the camel from that creepy Raggedy Ann and Andy movie. We need more goofy cartoon camels, dang it.
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| Didn't we previously see this guy in The Little Drummer Boy? |
"Father Time sent me to help you with your journey," the Great Quarter Past Five explains. Rudolph and General Ticker climb aboard, but just as they're halfway across they're suddenly attacked by a giant vulture.
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| Oh, no; it's Vlad Vladikoff! |
This is Eon the Terrible (Paul Frees), a horrible monster bird that's terrified the Sands of Time for countless ages. He pursues Rudolph, General Ticker and the Great Quarter Past Five, but eventually decides that there's better pickings and flies off. I gotta say, Paul Frees does one heck of a scary monster bird voice.
"It's not US that he's looking for," the Great Quarter Past Five says. General Ticker clarifies for Rudolph - he's searching for the baby new year. "You see, Eon can only live until he is one eon old," the Great Quarter Past Five tells Rudolph. "Then he will turn into ice and snow." And his eon is coincidentally enough up this December 31st. Thus, if he captures the baby new year, he'll stop time and live forever, which is terrific except that his idea of a fun time is scaring people, so he'll be free to scare people forever. Rudolph tells the Great Quarter Past Five to get them to Father Time's castle and quick.
Eventually, they arrive at the castle, which is the cue for a chorus to start singing about having a happy new year. Because this moment apparently needed a song. But hey, at least it's a catchy song.
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| It's a very brief song, too. |
Inside, Father Time tells Rudolph that his nose is as red as his hair used to be... except that his hair (the hair on the very top of his head, I mean) still looks pretty red to me... well, more of a dark orange than red, but I believe having dark orange hair still qualifies you as a "red-head". He starts rambling on about how new years work - every January 1st, a baby new year is I guess crowned king or something, but by December he's an old man and on December 31st has to give up the crown to a NEW baby new year, who in turn will the next December 31st give up the crown to a new baby new year and so on. Oh, I'm sorry, he doesn't RAMBLE about it - he SINGS about it.
But the baby new year for THIS year, Happy, ran away. Father Time didn't know that Happy wasn't, well, happy at the castle. You see, Happy has rather big ears.
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| Clark Gable would be impressed |
And when everybody saw those big ears, they started laughing. None of them meant to be cruel (so that's one thing they had over the jerks that laughed at Dumbo's big ears), but Happy was so sad that he ran away. Maybe he decided to start up a mining business with six dwarves.
"Gee, I wish he would've come to me," Rudolph says sympathetically, "I know just how he felt. Bet they called him names... wouldn't let him join in any new year games..." But the good news is, Father Time has some idea as to where he might have went - Happy's nurse, Nanny Nine O'Clock (Iris Rainer Dart), mentioned that he always wanted to see the "Archipelago of Last Years". For those who like me have no idea what an Archipelago is, Father Time clarifies that it's a group of islands.
"The Archipelago of Last Years is the most fantastic Archipelago of all," he explains. "Far north, in the most northern of all Northern Seas, hidden from the rest of the world by an everlasting icy fog, each island is an old year." When a new year is over, he heads to an island in the Archipelago where time stands still.
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| "I've recently visited the Island of 1993. Everybody's obsessed with some movie called Jurassic Park, Bill Clinton is still the president, and Beanie Babies are a brand-new thing." |
"I'll search every island if I have to!" Rudolph vows. Word of advice, Rudolph - avoid the Island of 2016. That year sucked, so I really don't want to see what the Island of 2016 is like. Come to think of it, avoid the Islands of 2017 and 2019 too. Those years also sucked. Maybe steer clear of the Island of 2020, too, 2020 REALLY sucks... dang, why have so many years since 2015 sucked? The only one that wasn't god-awful was 2018, and even THAT wasn't a GREAT year.
So Rudolph heads to where the Sands of Time meet the Seas of Auld Lang Syne. There he finds a giant sundial, the "hand" of which points to the Archipelago of Last Years, then he finds a small wooden sailboat (the sail being a calendar is a nice touch) and sails off as we get another musical number.
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| And at one point during the song, THIS happens. |
But as Rudolph is sailing, Eon the Terrible reappears. "Oh, no! It's Eon!" Rudolph exclaims with a noticeably unconcerned expression on his face. He apparently found out offscreen that Rudolph is searching for Happy, and he plans to put a stop to that.
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| "HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE'S EON!" |
Fortunately, just as Eon is about to swoop down and... eat Rudolph, I guess, he's scared off by Monstro the whale emerging from the water.
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| I love goofy cartoon whales, too. |
Well, okay, it's not actually Monstro. It's actually another whale by the name of Big Ben (Harold Peary doing a Thurl Ravenscroft impression), likely called that due to the clock on his tail. "Climb inside! It's safe in there," he invites Rudolph. Rudolph does, but Big Ben finds it hard to talk when his mouth is full, so Rudolph decides to ride on top instead. Eon swoops down to try and nab Rudolph again, but Ben Ben ain't having none of that. "You're a bad bird, Eon," he says.
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| "I'll eat you. Don't think I won't do that. Because I will. Eat you. I'll do it." |
After Eon flies off, Big Ben takes Rudolph to the oldest island in the Archipelago of Last Years - the Island of One Million B.C., a prehistoric jungle populated by dinosaurs. It's here that Rudolph meets One Million B.C. himself, a goofy caveman with the voice of Morey Amsterdam.
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| "Yabba-dabba-DOO!" |
"Why for the edges on your mouth go down, not up?" One Million - or O.M., as he calls himself - asks Rudolph. Rudolph explains that he's looking for Happy, the Baby New Year, and he's concerned that he won't find him in time. One Million starts up another musical number, "It's Raining Sunshine", which is all about thinking positive.
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| And his backup singers are a bunch of rejected Land Before Time characters. |
After the song, One Million reveals that Happy DID stop by the Island of One Million B.C., where he made friends with all the dinosaurs. But then they all saw his big ears, and started laughing. Again, no harm was intended, but Happy became sad and left the island.
So Rudolph, One Million, and Big Ben search for another two days. Happy's not on the Islands of 1893, 1492, 1965, or 4000 B.C. (all the guys on THAT island could think about was building pyramids). Fortunately, they're approaching the promising-looking Island of 1023, just about the most fantastic island in the whole Archipelago. It's a regular Fantasyland, full of castles and princesses and knights in shining armor. On the island, they meet old Sir 1023 (Frank Gorshin) himself, a knight with a long brown beard.
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| He shouts pretty much every single line that he has. |
It turns out that Happy IS on the island, but Sir 1023 has no idea where. Thus, they go looking for him, encountering a bunch of different characters from nursery rhymes and fairy tales - apparently, 1023 is the year where they all took place. They encounter Little Red Riding Hood, with the Big Bad Wolf not far behind...
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| I like how the wolf is just peeking out of the bushes. |
Cinderella and Prince Charming (Don Messick)...
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| He honestly looks more like the prince from Snow White to me... Hey, wait a second... isn't that the girl from Jack Frost? |
The Three Little Pigs...
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| Why do so many cartoon pigs walk around without pants on? |
Little Miss Muffet and the Spider who sat down beside her...
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| So, when do they ask Shrek and Donkey if THEY'VE seen Happy? |
Humpty Dumpty (Paul Frees), who laughed so hard at Happy's ears that he fell off the wall that he was sitting on (I personally consider that karma)...
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| He also sounds like an Irish-accented Boris Badenov. |
The Seven Dwarfs (Don Messick), who we don't actually see...
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| Because apparently they didn't have the budget for seven dwarf puppets. |
And Rumplestiltskin (Don Messick - he voiced a lot of these Fairy Tale Guys, didn't he?).
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| He's bummed because Disney never made an adaptation of HIS story... |
Meanwhile, Happy winds up crawling into the house of the Three Bears (Don Messick, Iris Rainer Dart and Red Skelton). He does the "too hot/too hard, too cold/too soft, just right" thing, then the bears come home and do the "someone's been eating MY porridge/sitting in my chair/sleeping in my bed" thing, and then they find Happy and the baby bear announces that Happy is going to be his new "little friend".
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| "No, we're not the Berenstain Bears. Don't worry, though, people make that mistake all the time." |
Guess what happens. No, really, guess.
Yep - they see his ears, then they start laughing and despite their not meaning any harm Happy becomes sad and crawls off... and winds up getting captured by Eon. Oh, no!
Rudolph, One Million, Sir 1023, and Big Ben give chase, and eventually Big Ben manages to save Happy but then the kid winds up blowing away via a gust of wind. Eventually, he lands on an island belonging to Benjamin Franklin.
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| "I spend every day on this island trying to discover electricity. It's a boring life, but what are you gonna do?" |
Actually, this guy's name is 1776 (Paul Frees) - his friends call him "Sev" - and he tells Happy that he's welcome to join their big Fourth of July celebration. On this island, every day is the Fourth of July. So it's kind of like Liberty Square at the Magic Kingdom.
They have a big parade, which results in another song, but wouldn't you know it, they all see Happy's ears and launch into hysterics. I don't even get it, are Happy's ears really THAT funny? I mean, yeah, they're big, but c'mon, they're just ears. So Happy runs off just before Rudolph, One Billion, and Sir 1023 can catch up with him. "We didn't mean to be cruel," 1776 tells them, but he says that he'll help them look for him.
Then they hear the terrible squawk of a certain vulture and run outside to see Eon flying around with Happy in his grasp. "Poor little Happy thinks that Eon is the only friend he has in the world..." Rudolph laments, and when you think the only friend you have in the world is THAT GUY, you know that you've got problems. So they head off after him, and to up the drama, Rudolph mentions that it's only one day until New Year's.
Eon takes Happy back to his home, a terrible place called the Island of No Name (though it's more like a haunted iceberg than an island). "You'll never be found HERE!" Eon bellows, starting to sound less like a frightening villain and more like a country bumpkin. "And I will live FOREVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER! HOO-RAAAAAAAAAAAY!"
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| "A-hyuck, I'm the villain of this here TV special!" |
Fortunately, Big Ben knows the way to the Island of No Name, and with the help of Rudolph's glowing red nose they're able to find it even with all the fog and rain. One Million, Sir 1023, and 1776 start to believe that they're going to fail, but Rudolph gives them a pep talk... that transitions into a song. Do we really need a song here? Personally, I don't think we do...
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| Okay, so a reindeer, a caveman, a knight, and a Ben Franklin lookalike are riding on the back of a whale to save a baby from a giant vulture. And yet, this STILL isn't as weird as Squirrel Boy... |
After the song, they make it to the island and realize that it's 11:30 - on New Years' Eve. "We have but one half-hour!" Sir 1023 announces. They climb a tower of ice and snow to Eon's nest, but Eon spots them and sends an avalanche their way. He's all "Ha ha, I'm going to win and live forever!", then he drifts off to sleep. Fortunately, Rudolph melts the snow with his nose and manages to climb up and find Happy.
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| "So people laugh at your ears. So what? People laughed at Nestor the Long-Eared Christmas Donkey, and HE went on to do great things." |
"I wanna be your friend," he tells Happy, but Happy is worried that Rudolph will laugh at his ears. Rudolph, of course, says that he can relate - when he was little, everyone made fun of his nose. This prompts the nearby trees to, uh, start singing "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" as we transition into hand-drawn animation (a rarity for a Rankin-Bass special, unless it happens to star Frosty the Snowman) telling Rudolph's story. I wonder why they didn't just play clips from the original special instead of spending money on new animation, but eh...
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| Jeez, that is one scary-looking Santa. Couldn't they have just reused the Santa character design from Frosty the Snowman or something? |
"You see, I stuck it out. And when I grew older, I found that this nose was the most wonderful thing in the whole world!" Rudolph says. I hate to disagree with you, Rudolph, but I can think of a few things more wonderful than your nose. Not that your nose is bad or anything, but it's got nothing on Winnie the Pooh, the sound of children laughing, Eric Bauza, chocolate cake, being wrapped in a warm blanket... let's just say a lot of things. So he gets Happy to take off his hat and show off his ears, and predictably laughs, but he tells Happy that his laughing at his ears is a good thing. Why? Because - get this - "those ears made me feel so wonderful, that all the happiness inside me just had to pop out! Same way with everybody else! Those ears of yours... why, they make folks... HAPPY!"
Uhhhhhhhh... yeah. The moral of this special is "If people laugh at you, don't feel bad. You're just making them happy!" Maybe this could've worked better if they'd reworded it as, I don't know, "Just because somebody finds something about you funny and laughs doesn't mean that they're trying to make fun of you" or something like that, but as is, I'm a little unsure of how good a moral that is...
Then Eon wakes up, but Happy defeats him by - you guessed it - showing him his ears, making the overgrown chicken start laughing his head off. This results in him falling out of his nest. And now he doesn't have to worry about turning to snow and ice, because according to Rudolph, "nobody can turn to snow and ice when they're warmed up inside from laughing". So in other words, this big crazy mess could have been averted if they'd simply set him up in front of a TV playing The Emperor's New Groove or given him a ticket to a live performance by John Mulaney or something.
But, oh no! It's midnight! How are they going to get back to Father Time's castle before... 12:01, I guess? The answer comes in the form of Santa Claus in his sleigh.
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| "Ho ho ho! It's a Deus Ex Machina to the rescue!" |
They make it to Father Time's castle just in time, and Happy is crowned king, resulting in the arrival of the new year - "19-Wonderful", according to Father Time. Everybody sings, and then they wish the audience a happy new year. "And may it be shiny, too!" Rudolph adds. The end.
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| Didn't Here Comes Peter Cottontail end the same way? With all of the characters gathering in front of the camera and wishing the audience a happy whatever holiday the special was focusing on? |
WHAT'S THE VERDICT?
Despite being one of Rankin-Bass' lesser-known specials, and having the misfortune of being a sequel to one of their most iconic specials which basically guaranteed that it wouldn't become as beloved, I personally believe that Rudolph's Shiny New Year is pretty good. Sure, it's no Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, and, yeah, the message is a bit iffy, but it's got a whole slew of neat characters, good voice acting, and some catchy songs. Although I could've done without Rudolph's song about believing in him or whatever. If you like the original special, I would recommend giving it a watch. If not, watch the original special first.
To end this review, I'd like to give a link to the hilarious Platypus Comix review of the THIRD part of the Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer saga, Rudolph and Frosty's Christmas in July:
http://platypuscomix.com/darkvault/misfits/misfit34.html
I don't know if I'll be reviewing that one myself, but don't count on me to review that 2001 CGI Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and the Island of Misfit Toys thing. I haven't seen that one in years, but I remember it as being preeeeeeeeeeeetty bad. I doubt I could bring myself to watch it again.
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