Let's Watch This: An Episode of "The California Raisin Show"

NOTE: Please do not take any of the little nitpicks in this review (or any of my other reviews, for that matter) seriously. I write these reviews in the hopes of making people laugh. Those nitpicks are really just dumb little observations that I'm attempting to make jokes out of, not complaints that add to whether or not I like something.

If you watched TV in the 1980s, there's a pretty good chance you know who the California Raisins are.

These cool, croonin' claymation characters debuted in 1986 and promptly became one of the most popular - if not THE most popular - advertising mascots to come out of the 1980s. Countless ads featuring the raisins were produced, they appeared in the Emmy Award-winning A Claymation Christmas Celebration (which I might look at some other time), four albums featuring songs by the raisins were produced, merchandise of them sold like hotcakes, they got their own VIDEO GAME, and their signature song, "I Heard It Through the Grapevine", recieved a spot on the Billboard Hot 100. Not bad for a bunch of animated raisins, huh?

Nowadays, the Raisins are still... reasonably well-known, but they haven't appeared in a commercial in decades. Their most recent appearance, advertisement-wise, was a 2014 Radio Shack commercial that aired during the Super Bowl. With animated product mascots in commercials slowly becoming a thing of the past, I wouldn't expect the California Raisins to return anytime soon. Although it is worth noting that in 2015, it was announced that they were making a live action/CGI movie starring the Raisins, but I have no idea if it's still in production.

The California Raisins might not have their own movie yet (no, the cameo in Foodfight! doesn't count), but they did have their own TV show. 1989 saw the premiere of The California Raisin Show.

This show was based on the TV special starring the raisins that aired the previous year, Meet the Raisins!. Unlike that special, however, the show was cel-animated as opposed to claymation. The characters' creator, Will Vinton, acted as creative director and executive producer. The show recieved just thirteen episodes, but it was lucky enough to get a DVD release in 2011.

Hey, wait a minute... I thought advertising mascots weren't allowed to have TV shows during this time period. That's why the Chester Cheetah cartoon that was being made for FOX Kids didn't get off the ground, isn't it? Maybe the difference is that raisins are a healthy food?

The show takes place in a world where anthropomorphic fruits and vegetables exist - predating Veggietales by four years. While the advertisements usually featured at least ten raisins, this show only had seven - Beebop (voiced by Cam Clarke), A.C. (Jim Cummings), Stretch (Dorian Harewood), Red (Brian Mitchell), and three females. Is the show any good? Well, I watched Meet the Raisins! and its sequel special, The Raisins: Sold Out! and thought they were pretty good, so I'd say there's a fifty-percent chance I'll like this too. So, let's watch the tenth episode of the show, "Hold That Jungle", and see if the Raisins can carry a cartoon series as well as they can carry a tune.

The episode starts off with the Raisins in concert, performing "Ain't No Mountain High Enough". As soon as they head backstage, their manager, Rudy Bagaman (Todd Tolces), barges in and tells them that they're going on a trip. He chartered a plane, it's waiting for them at the airport.

You might be thinking "Who the heck is Rudy?", which is understandable - I don't think he appeared in any of the ads. His debut was the aforementioned Meet the Raisins! special. I also have no idea what he's supposed to be. There is no such thing as a vegetable called a "bagaman". His name suggests that he's a rutabaga (and I'll be honest, it took me a while to get the pun), but he doesn't look much like one to me. Maybe a carrot?

Rudy Bagaman is also a bit of a crazy person... er, veggie.

The Raisins are all on board with this, despite the fact that Rudy just sprung this on them and isn't even letting them know where the plane is taking them. He does mention later that they're going back to California, but he doesn't say that in this scene. How do they know he's not taking them to, say, Antarctica?

The Raisins aren't thrilled to find out that the plane looks like this:

...that's the lumpiest plane I've ever seen. It looks like some sort of vegetable - a yam, maybe? - with wings and a propellor slapped onto it. In fact, maybe it IS a vegetable. But wait, this world takes place in a world where sentient vegetables exist. Is it just like Veggietales, where there are also non-sentient vegetables that the sentient vegetables eat without a problem? Or was that airplane (again, assuming that it IS a vegetable and not just a really lumpy plane) once a sentient vegetable that they hollowed out and converted into a plane? I really, really hope it's the first one. But even if it is, where did they even find a vegetable big enough for the anthropomorphic produce to fit inside? Then again, in the ads the California Raisins were pretty small, so maybe ALL of the anthropomorphic produce in this world are tiny as well? Am I thinking too hard about this?

The pilot skydives out of the plane halfway through the flight, torpedoing any confidence the Raisins have in them getting to their destination. Rudy tells them to remain calm, because he thinks flying a kite once makes him qualified to fly the plane himself. I hope the Raisins are considering getting a new manager by this point.

Raisins should not have mohawks.

Fortunately, Rudy manages to land the plane safely. Unfortunately, he lands it in the middle of a jungle. "This place looks WILD!" Beebop points out. And when you're in a jungle, you tend to encounter some pretty ferocious animals. Such as... a strawberry?

A strawberry with a schnozz that even Ferb would be jealous of?

Okay, hold on. In this world, fruits and vegetables are anthropomorphic, but berries are non-sentient animals? Huh? I mean, I get the joke, there's a type of strawberry called a "wild strawberry" and this is a literal wild strawberry, but it's kind of confusing... considering how much the writers of this show love puns, why not do some sort of cool produce/animal hybrids? Eh, but that's just me.

Rudy and the Raisins run, but the wild strawberry manages to corner them. "If that strawberry gets any closer, we'll really be in a jam!" Red says. See what I mean about the writers of this show loving puns? Fortunately, a Tarzan yell signals the arrival of a grape in a loincloth... did I seriously just type "a grape in a loincloth"?

Hey, wait a minute... if berries are the equivalent of animals in this sentient produce-populated world, why does the loincloth this grape is wearing look like a leopard skin? Are there regular animals in this world too?

George, George, George of the Jungle, strong as he can be...

The grape defeats the strawberry, then gets on the Raisins' case for being in the strawberries' preserve. Get it? Strawberries' preserve? Strawberry preserve? Puns!

Raisins should not have pompadours either.

The grape introduces himself as "Garzack of the Grapes". Alas, he can't help them get back to civilization because he's too busy taking care of the jungle. But then one of the female grapes, Shirelle (Rebecca Gilchrist), catches his eye...

That awkward moment when a raisin has nicer legs than you.

"Me get idea! Me show way to 'civilization'. When Shirelle see Garzack hero, she stay with me!" Garzack declares. Shirelle tells him not to bet on it. And this is where things get REALLY confusing...

See that green thing? That's a snake. It's for all intents and purposes a snake. I'm not even going to question why it has whiskers, does this qualify as proof that there ARE actual animals in this world? Or is that "snake" actually just some sort of vegetable? It can't be a berry, there aren't any berries that look like that.

And then what appears to be a turnip, that wild strawberry from before, and... I'm not even sure what that thing on the right is show up. So vegetables can also be the equivalent of animals in this world, even though there are also vegetables who act like people AND regular animals? None of this makes any sense!

Come to think of it, what do the anthropomorphic produce eat? Is there indeed non-sentient "normal" fruits and vegetables in this world? Wouldn't eating them still be considered cannibalism? Or do they all just live off of bread and candy or something? Or are bread and candy sentient in this world too? Augh, my head hurts...

Seriously, what IS that thing on the right?

And then the Raisins start singing about how they have nowhere to run... while running. Isn't that like singing about how you're not hungry while scarfing down a roast turkey? The female raisins come across a giant eggplant... wait a minute, now EGGPLANT are non-sentient animals in this world too? We saw at least TWO anthropomorphic eggplants in the audience at the Raisins' concert at the beginning of this episode. This is some sort of weird Goofy/Pluto-level Furry Confusion.

I can't think of a funny comment to make here, so instead, here's a joke: why didn't the baker
put any dried fruit in his cake? Because he didn't see any raisin to do so. See, I can make produce puns
too.

A.C. encounters a bird-like pepper... so now fruit can ALSO be non-sentient animals, even though the MAIN CHARACTERS OF THE SHOW are anthropomorphic fruit clearly meant to... y'know what, I'm not even going to question the logic of this world anymore.

Nice eyebrows that pepper has, huh?

Oh, and apparently that snake from before is actually some sort of snake/asparagus hybrid thing. I'm still not going to question the logic of this world. You can't make me.

The Raisins, Garzack and Rudy come across a golden statue sitting on a cliff. One of the girl raisins (I honestly can't tell them apart) thinks the statue would be a great birthday present for their mother, so she has Garzack grab it. Only problem is, the statue belongs to a tribe of kiwi natives wielding toilet plungers.

I'm going to repeat that - kiwi natives wielding toilet plungers. And by "kiwi", I mean the fruit, not the bird.

And yet, this STILL isn't as weird as Ned's Newt...

The kiwi natives are none too pleased by Shirelle's stealing their artifact, and we get another chase sequence. Eventually Stretch just grabs the statue and tosses it to the natives, which makes them leave. So, conflict resolved, right? Yes, but now they've got something ELSE to worry about - they're standing on a rickety rope bridge that's about to come apart. Then Stretch notices a branch overhead that they can grab onto, so they do that... except for Garzack, who falls onto a small cliff below.

And he didn't grab onto the branch as well becaaaaaaaaaaause?

After getting to solid ground, the Raisins wonder how they can save Garzack. Except for Stretch. He lowers a vine down to Garzack, then lassos the other end around a "Musk Melon" to pull him up. I notice that Stretch seems to be the one who always has the solution to the Raisins' problems. And that is why he is the best character in this episode.

Oh, so NOW we're getting the produce/animal hybrids. I wonder what zoology books in this
world are like.

Shirelle mocks Garzack for being a wimp who needs to be rescued by Stretch. Wow, Shirelle's a tool. Fortunately, Garzack doesn't know what a wimp is, so Red tells him that "wimp" = "coolest person ever".

Garzack's chin is freaking me out.

The next problem for the Raisins rears its ugly head as a volcano in the distance is heard rumbling. Garzack claims that the volcano is at the edge of the jungle, so maybe if they head there, they'll find civilization. Since Rudy had his phone stolen earlier by a wild turnip earlier in the episode, he tries to signal somebody using the bongoes. Alas, his drumming apparently means "Kiwi King is big fat noodlehead", and those kiwi natives just so happen to be nearby. Uh oh...

"We've always preferred the Noid over you guys anyway!"

The good guys run, and one of the girl raisins yells at Garzack for being a lousy jungle guide, even though this situation is in no way his fault. Fortunately, Garzack knows a shorcut through a cave, and he knows the kiwis won't follow them because the shortcut leads to a part of the jungle with lots of quicksand. Rudy and the Raisins start to sink into the quicksand, but fortunately, Stretch spots an "UP" button on a nearby rock and presses it, launching him out the quicksand and into a bush. Garzack's attempt at saving Shirelle lands them both in the quicksand but washes the other two girl raisins ashore. Once again, it's up to Stretch to save the day.

Show of hands, who else wants Stretch to be the main protagonist?

The other two girl raisins save Shirelle and Garzack, and the group continues on their way. Next they come across a river, which they can ride a boat down to the volcano.

Can't think of a funny comment to make here, so have another joke about produce: which vegetable
shouldn't you take on a boat? A leek. Ba dum kssssh. Please laugh. I'm trying so hard...

Unfortunately, Garzack forgot to mention the rapids. Or the waterfall that the river, being a river in a cartoon, leads to. Eventually, the boat takes them into an ancient temple. "It took an advanced civilization to build this pad," Stretch points out. And wouldn't you know it? The temple is actually inside the volcano, which is - of course - about to erupt. Rudy's reaction is to make this face:

"DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH..."

Then the kiwi natives show up. They're working on a potion to appease the "mountain spirit", and when they feed it to a stone head, it causes the rumbling of the volcano to stop... for a few seconds. Some potion.

The Raisins tells the kiwis that they have to work together. "We have to take a mega-dose of your potion right to the source!" A.C. explains. And by "the source", he means the crater at the top of the volcano. Garzack grabs the pot with the potion in it, and they all ride the escalator... yes, there's an escalator, just go with it...

"When do we get to the ride?"

"This IS the ride! YIPPEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

The escalator takes them to a bus stop, where they get on a bus... again, just go with it... that takes them to a place where they all get on bicycles... and then they ride a chairlift... and then they hail a taxi that takes them to the top of the volcano... oh, and did I mention that the whole time they're singing "Ain't No Mountain High Enough"? I guess it makes sense, a volcano does qualify as a mountain, doesn't it?

Garzack dumps the potion into the crater, the volcano burps, and the day is saved. And we get a twist ending - the uncharted jungle is part of the Hollywood Hills! They were in California all along!

What a twist!

The Raisins make it to their mother (Lulu Arborman)'s house in time for her birthday, they give her the statue, and Shirelle now has the hots for Garzack. Also, Rudy calls up somebody in Hollywood with a great idea for a movie. I hear Brendan Frasier is in talks to play Garzack.

What's the Verdict?

Y'know, I actually kind of liked this. I think I liked Meet the Raisins! and The Raisins: Sold Out! better, because those had more clever writing. And all that stuff about the wild animal equivalent produce existing alongside human equivalent produce really confused me. But the animation is pretty good, the voice actors all do a good job, Stretch is awesome, and there's just an inherent charm to those raisins that keeps me from brushing the show off as a lazy commercial for dried grapes. You can find every episode of The California Raisin Show on YouTube, so even if you haven't seen any of the ads, I'd recommend checking it out.

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Animated Cereal Mascots That Didn't Catch On

Here's a question for you - if you've got a product, how exactly do you get it "out there", so to speak? Answer: through marketing, of course! You make commercials, you make billboards, things like that. And with marketing a product, there's no better way to do it than with a mascot. A mascot helps put your product in the public eye.

From left to right - A&W's Great Root Bear (get it?), the Kool-Aid Man, and Charlie the Tuna
of Starkist fame.

For example, when you think of Energizer, what's the first image that pops into your mind? If I had to guess, I would say that it would be the pink rabbit banging a drum. When you think of Charmin, you likely think of the bears, not the toilet paper itself. When somebody mentions Pillsbury, you probably don't imagine the cookies they produce, you think of the Pillsbury Doughboy (or rather, Poppin' Fresh, which is his real name).

This is something that cereal companies like Kellogg's and General Mills know very, very well... or at least they did. For years, the rule was that if you had a new cereal that you were going to give the public, it needed to have a great mascot. Preferably an animated one. A mascot that kids would see, take a liking to, and be tempted to try the cereal. After all, if a cartoon toucan tells you that a fruit-flavored cereal is really good, who are you to argue?

And then at some point in the 2000s, some people - who specifically, I don't know, but apparently their opinions were considered very, very important - started whining that having cartoon characters sell fast food, cereal, basically any food that happened to have sugar in it was bad for kids. Characters like the Trix Rabbit, Ronald McDonald, and the Kool-Aid Man were blamed for the childhood obesity problem. Thus, companies starting getting rid of these mascots in order to appease these people who were getting bent out of shape over the fact that a cartoon rabbit craved a sugary cereal.

But apparently these people are perfectly fine with having animated mascots that are just knockoffs of the Minions from Despicable Me - small, hive-minded, babbling idiots who shout really loud and speak gibberish. Which is why Ronald McDonald got replaced by THIS hideous thing.

I invite anyone who thinks Ronald McDonald is creepy to look at this guy.

I'm going to quote the great Bob Bergen, who lent his voice to many a McDonald's commercial as a talking container of French Fries, on this matter: "Funny, these ads didn't seem to damage me and the generations before me for, oh, decades! But we can sleep well knowing that it was commercial mascots that was the catalyst for kid's eating habits, and not the responsibility of proper parenting." Thank you, Bob.

Still, over the years, before those uptight fellas decided to blame their children getting fat on cartoon characters, a lot of cereal mascots appeared on the screen. And the majority of them were animated. And for every cereal mascot that DID become a phenomenon, there was a cereal mascot that DIDN'T, instead winding up getting sent to the Island of Misfit Product Mascots and having to bunk with Sergeant Twistable and the sock puppet from Pets.com.

Today, we'll be shedding some light on animated character who appeared on cereal boxes all over the country and yet didn't become the next Cap'n Crunch. But first, let's set some ground rules...

RULE 1) No live action characters. Though I don't think there are all that many live action cereal mascots anyway.

RULE 2) No characters from pre-existing movies, TV shows, what have you. As in, I'm not going to put the Cat in the Hat on the list simply because there was a Cat in the Hat cereal with his likeness on the box at one point.

RULE 3) They have to be cereal mascots. No fast food restaurant mascots, no store mascots, no pharmaceutical mascots, etc.

Let's begin!

Wally the Bear (Honey Smacks)

Honey Smacks, or Sugar Smacks as it was originally called, or just Smacks as it was apparently called in the 1990s, has actually gone through several different mascots. There was a seal at one point, then a mule/kangaroo hybrid called the "Smackin' Bandit", then two kids in boxer shorts and boxing gloves... at one point they even had Quick-Draw McGraw be the mascot. And then, in 1972, the world was introduced to Dig'Em the Frog, the cereal's current mascot... though I'm honestly not sure if he's appeared in a television commercial since the 1990s.

However, at some point in the 1980s, I guess somebody at Kellogg's said, "Hey, this is a cereal with 'HONEY' in the name. Bears are known for eating honey. Why the heck isn't the mascot of this cereal a bear?!" And thus, Dig'Em was briefly usurped by a cartoon bear by the name of Wally.

I like Wally - I like his design, he's animated very well, and I love the voice. He actually appeared in more commercials, I've read - his shtick was basically just badgering kids to let him have some Honey Smacks, but they won't let him because, as many other commercials for many other cereals show, kids in cereal commercials are jerks, especially towards cartoon animals. I have no idea who provided the voice of Wally or who animated him. Wikipedia claims that the ads were animated by Kurtz and Friends (I've talked about them before, you might recall), and I think it's a pretty good possibility as Wally DOES look like a character that Bob Kurtz would design, but you know how Wikipedia is...

So, why didn't Wally stick around? Well, for one thing, apparently people thought that his commercials were too similar to the Trix Rabbit's commercials. Of course, that didn't hurt Chip the Wolf and his pursuit of Cookie Crisp. On top of that, people just wanted Dig'Em back. Students on a college campus staged a day-long demonstration to get him back. Kellogg's even got a letter from some group called "Frog-Aid". Thus, Dig'Em took his rightful place as the Honey Smacks mascot.

Tusk the Elephant (Cocoa Krispies)

Elephants are actually a popular choice of animals to be made cereal mascots. Twinkles, another breakfast cereal, had an elephant for a mascot, and one of Cap'n Crunch's "co-stars" was an elephant named Smedley who shilled for Peanut Butter Crunch. And then there's one of my personal favorite animated cereal mascots that didn't catch on, Tusk the elephant of Cocoa Krispies fame.

Before Tusk, Cocoa Krispies had another elephant on the box - a pink one named (creatively enough) Coco.

In 1963, Coco was replaced by another pink cartoon animal, Snagglepuss.

Then for a while the mascot was a caveman named Ogg who looked like a really ugly Cabbage Patch Kid.

And before any of THEM, the mascot was a monkey named Jose, who apparently got the axe because Mexican-Americans thought he was an ethnic stereotype.

1973 saw the introduction of Tusk, a small brown elephant voiced in at least one commercial by the magnificent Paul Winchell. His shtick was singing, "It's time for Cocoa Krispies, they are so chocolatey... and when I get a taste of them, I trumpet happily!"

Alas, Tusk ended up getting replaced by Snap, Crackle and Pop because I guess Kellogg's decided it would be easier to just have the mascots of Rice Krispies also be the mascots of Cocoa Krispies. I understand it, but I would've liked to see Tusk stick around. Maybe they could bring him back at some point. They could get Jim Cummings to do his voice!

On a side note, some countries (where the cereal is called "Choco Krispis") still use an elephant as the mascot. He's a space-fighter elephant named Commando Melvin (and please do not make any "going commando" jokes. I want to keep this site PG).

Apple Jack (take a wild guess)

I'll be honest, for a while I thought that the only reason Apple Jacks were called that when they didn't taste like apples was so they could have commercials where some character complained that they didn't taste like apples only for the other characters to ignore that because of how good they were. Eventually, I found out that Apple Jacks do indeed have apple in 'em. Which begs the question as to why the ads spend so much time having characters complain that they don't taste like apples, but eh...

Anyhow, when you think of Apple Jacks mascots, you probably think of the Jamaican stereotype that is CinnaMon and the apple who was initially a bad guy but then became CinnaMon's buddy.

But before those guys, Apple Jacks was represented by this fella with an apple for a head and Apple Jacks for eyes, apparently named - wait for it - Apple Jack. In commercials, he was voiced by Paul Frees, no stranger to voicing cereal mascots as he also provided the voice of Toucan Sam. I'm honestly not sure why Mr. Apple-Headed Guy didn't stick around...

Maybe it's just me, but doesn't having a giant apple for a head sound like a pain in the derriere? How would you ever walk through a door? Wouldn't you hit your head on the door frame? How would you buy hats? How would you find a pillow big enough for you to put your head on when you sleep? Heck, how would you be able to hold your head up?

Come to think of it, maybe the reason Apple Jack didn't stick around is because he got tired of the inconvenience of having a giant apple for a head and got some plastic surgery?

The Triple Snack Giraffe (Kellogg's Triple Snack)

Why didn't the Triple Snack Giraffe catch on? Because Triple Snack ITSELF didn't catch on. I haven't even heard of this cereal until recently. Apparently, people didn't like Triple Snack as much as they liked Kellogg's other cereals like Frosted Flakes and Lucky Charms. It contained roasted peanuts, sugar puffed corn and sugar puffed wheat. I'm allergic to nuts, so I wouldn't be able to eat the cereal even if it was still around.

But I still love the Triple Snack Giraffe. I like how confused he is as the boy starts up the musical number. But is it just me, or does the song sound kind of threatening? "If you don't like the peanuts, watch out for the Triple Snack. Triple Snack will get you if you don't watch out..." I'm sorry, but what do they mean by "TRIPLE SNACK WILL GET YOU"? Do I have to worry about a cereal somehow coming after me simply because I don't like the peanuts? It's not MY fault I have allergies!

Side note, this is yet another cereal that had a Hanna-Barbera character for the mascot at one point. Apparently, before the Triple Snack Giraffe came along, the cereal featured an image of Yogi Bear's pal Boo-Boo on the box.

Waldo the Wizard (Lucky Charms)

Yes, believe it or not, at one point General Mills actually got rid of Lucky the leprechaun. Lucky actually got replaced as the mascot of the cereal that SHARED HIS NAME. Why? Well, apparently kids got tired of Lucky. For some reason.

So they decided to replace him with Waldo the Wizard, who proved less popular than Lucky. It wasn't his fault, poor guy, it's just that Lucky did not need to be replaced. Thus, Lucky regained his place on the box just a year later. The lesson here? If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Fun fact: Waldo was designed by Disney animator Phil Mendez, who also worked on such cartoons as Kissyfur, Foofur, and The Lionhearts, as well as animated movies like FernGully: The Last Rainforest, Quest For Camelot, and the 1992 Tom and Jerry movie.

Sorry, no commercial this time - I couldn't find an ad featuring this guy.

The Sprinkle Spangles Genie (Sprinkle Spangles)

Speaking of cereal mascots with magic powers, 1993 saw the release of Sprinkle Spangles cereal from General Mills. It consisted of star-shaped sweetened corn puffs sprinkled with... well, sprinkles. It didn't last very long.

Regardless, the cereal also allowed the Genie from Aladdin to get some work in-between the first movie and the direct-to-video sequels... oh, wait, that's not the Genie from Aladdin. It's just a blatant knockoff of him. But he's purple instead of blue, so apparently Disney didn't care.

"You wish it, I dish it," he would say in the ads, and then grant children, according to the side of one box, "what they want most." Apparently what kids in these commercials wanted the most was a cereal with sprinkles on it. I guess cereal with CHOCOLATE wasn't enough for 'em, huh?

But on a positive note, the voice of the genie was provided by none other than Dom DeLuise. And a character being voiced by Dom DeLuise makes them impossible to truly dislike.

The Freakies (Freakies Cereal)

Why didn't these characters become as iconic as other cereal mascots like the Trix Rabbit and the Honey Nut Cheerios Bee? I'll tell you why - because they're HIDEOUS. I know, I know, they're called "The Freakies", so I guess that's to be expected, but still... UGH. Next mascot!

Simon the Quangaroo (Quaker Oats' Orange Quangaroos)

While I don't think Quisp and Quake have ever reached the same level of fame as, say, Toucan Sam, they seem juuuuuuuuuuuuuust famous enough to avoid getting a spot on the list. Alas, the same can't be said for the mascot of Quake's spin-off cereal, Orange Quangaroos.

What's a Quangaroo? Well, it's like a kangaroo... but it's orange. That's pretty much it, really. It's an orange kangaroo. So why don't they just call it an orange kangaroo? Probably because "Orange Kangaroos" isn't as catchy a name for a cereal. Simon is a Quangaroo, hailing from a land known as "Orangeania", a fitting mascot for an orange-flavored cereal.

Simon starred alongside Quake in ads, mainly because Quake's cereal had recently been discontinued before Orange Quangaroos came onto the scene. Why? Well, in commercials, Quake was pitted against Quisp over whose cereal was better. In 1972, Quaker Oats held a vote to see which cereal was better, and the public chose Quisp, so Quake got the axe. However, Quisp's being so popular let to Simon's downfall, as Quisp was selling better than Orange Quangaroos in stores, mainly because consumers couldn't agree on whether or not the cereal tasted good. So Orange Quangaroos became discontinued too. Orange you glad you know that now?

My apologies for that awful joke.

Waffleo Bill and His Horse (Ralston Waffleos)

A rule with cereal mascots seems to be that if they're from a cereal not from Kellogg's, General Mills, Quaker Oats, or Post, they're probably not gonna be the next Cap'n Crunch. Case in point, Waffleo Bill and his horse, who shilled for Ralston's Waffleos.

Waffleos made their debut in 1979, a sweetened cereal with artificial maple syrup flavor. I guess the cereal didn't catch on because kids didn't see a point in eating a cereal that tasted like waffles for breakfast when they could actually eat waffles for breakfast. Presumably, this is also why there aren't any pancake-flavored cereals.

As a result, this goofy cowboy with a mustache that gives even Yosemite Sam's a run for its money and his guitar-playing horse ended up on the Island of Misfit Product Mascots. Waffelo Bill and his horse were voiced by Bob Sarlatte (also the voice of Dirk the Daring in the Dragon's Lair Saturday Morning Cartoon show) and Rick Cimino respectively.

Bixby Beaver (Kellogg's Crunchy Loggs)

Bixby here was the mascot of a 1970s cereal known as Crunchy Loggs, a strawberry-flavored corn and oat cereal. I don't know why this cereal didn't catch on. Maybe because kids didn't think eating logs sounded particularly appetizing?

So that's ten animated cereal mascots that didn't catch on. For various reasons. For those that read this whole post and now have a craving for cereal, my apologies. Especially if the cereal that you're craving has been discontinued like at least half of the cereals on this list.

Hopefully, someday, animated cereal mascots will make a comeback. Every so often I do see the most iconic ones (Tony the Tiger, Toucan Sam, etc.) in new ads, so there's THAT, I suppose. Though hopefully they don't redesign them all for no reason. Y'know, like they did with Toucan Sam...

Please, please, PLEASE be a temporary redesign...