Let's Watch This: An Episode of "Dog City"

NOTE: Please do not take any of the little nitpicks in this review (or any of my other reviews, for that matter) seriously. I write these reviews in the hopes of making people laugh. Those nitpicks are really just dumb little observations that I'm attempting to make jokes out of, not complaints that add to whether or not I like something.

This is the first review I wrote after I went on hiatus earlier this year. Yes, even though I wasn't POSTING on this blog, I was still WRITING posts - see, I like to write my blog posts in advance and then just choose which one I want to post which week, but in February I was pretty behind. I needed to take the hiatus to get back up to speed. When I first started this blog, I probably thought it'd be easy. Just watch a cartoon and do funny commentary on it. Other people online do it, so how hard could it be?

Oh, how wrong I was. It's actually really hard to write a funny review of something. I'm constantly cringing at the reviews I've already posted and thinking there aren't nearly enough jokes in them. And those are just the reviews that actually made it onto the site!

I have a very long list of cartoon shows and animated movies that I tried to write a review of, but wound up scrapping because I wasn't getting enough joke material out of them. Super Robot Monkey Team Hyperforce Go!, Kick Buttowski, ALF: The Animated Series, Heathcliff and the Cadillac Cats, Skippy: Adventures in Bushtown, CB Bears, The Cleveland Show, I can go on and on. I find episodes of the show online, I watch 'em, I try to make jokes, but I can't think of anything funny and I have no idea why. Is it me? Am I just not funny? Or are the shows just not giving me anything to work with? You'd think a cartoon about ROBOT MONKEYS FIGHTING CRIME would give me something, so I'm guessing it's the first one.

I needed something to get me out of this slump. I've found that the hardest cartoons to make jokes out of are the ones that are either just okay or mediocre. And, unfortunately, a lot of really obscure cartoon shows out there - y'know, the ones that I review for this blog - fall into one of those categories. I needed to review something really bad. Something infamous for its crappiness. Problem is, every cartoon show like that I've either already looked at (The Wacky World of Tex Avery, Fish Hooks, Pig Goat Banana Cricket) or have sworn not to touch with a ten foot pole (I'm not rewatching Fanboy and Chum-Chum). So I had to do something else. And y'know what? Sometimes, if you can't find something really bad, you could review something that you already know that you like. If you're already familiar with the characters and plots, it might be easier to think of jokes to make about 'em. Maybe. I don't know.

So, what is Dog City?

Well, it got its start as a TV special that aired as part of The Jim Henson Hour in 1989. The special took place in a city populated by anthropomorphic dogs (natch) and focused on a dog detective named Ace Yu who faces off against mobsters. You can currently find it on YouTube if you'd like to watch it yourself.

I guess the folks at the Jim Henson Company really liked how the special turned out, because they decided to make a Dog City cartoon show as well. However, the show had very little in common with the special aside from the whole "dog detective in a world of anthropomorphic pets" premise. Ace Yu was now Ace Hart (voiced by Ron White), private eye, who faced off against such foes as crime boss Bugsy Vile (voiced by John Stocker) and German-accented Baron Von Rottweiler (Stephen Ouimette). Ace was usually helped in his adventures by love interest Rosie O'Gravy (Elizabeth Hanna) and kid sidekick Eddie (Stuart Stone).

But what really made the show unique was that it had puppets in addition to the animated characters. In-universe, the creator of Ace Hart was a canine animator named Elliot Shag, puppeteered by Kevin Clash of Elmo fame, who would illustrate the episodes as they happened (not how animation works, I know, but just go with it) and interact with Ace. It was sort of like Duck Amuck, except as a cartoon show. Premiering on Fox Kids in September 1992, three seasons of the show and a total of thirty-one episodes were produced. The animation was handled by Nelvana.

After hearing about Dog City online years prior, I discovered that the show could be found on Tubi and decided to give it a watch. And y'know what? I found myself liking it. And I've found that I usually have better luck with writing funny reviews when they're of something I already know that I like than something I've never seen before. So guess what we're reviewing today?

After going through a couple episodes of the show's first season, I decided to review the eleventh episode, "Rocketship K-9". We start off with Ace climbing up a bridge so he can save three innocent puppies playing in a sandbox teetering on the top. I guess the OSHA doesn't have any juristriction in Dog City.

Hurry, Ace! If Cooler gets hurt (c'mon, you can't tell me that white puppy in the grey shirt
doesn't look like Cooler), they'll have to cancel Pound Puppies!

Actually, the puppies' being in danger is the work of Baron Von Rottweiler. The fiend! Fortunately, he is dealt with very easily by his dimwitted assistant fetching the dynamite that he was going to use to blow up the bridge... which instead goes off in front of him. The sandbox falls off the bridge anyway but lands safely in the water, no puppies are harmed, and Baron Von Rottweiler is arrested by literal police dogs.

He's going from the doghouse to the big house.

The day is saved, and the words "THE END" appear on the screen. I know what you're thinking: "Gee, that was a very short episode." But in actuality, the actual episode isn't over yet - we just caught the tail end (no pun intended) of an episode of the in-universe Ace Hart show.

Ace talks to Elliot about how the episode turned out. It's never made clear if Elliot is actually interacting with a sentient cartoon character or if it's all just in his imagination. I prefer to believe that it's the first one, mostly because it's a lot cooler that way.

"So, what's the next episode gonna be about?"

"Well, I just got hired to work on an animated movie called Foodfight!. The studio wants
you to be in it, but they're changing your name to 'Dex Dogtective' and you're gonna be in CGI."

"...Elliot, are you sure about this?"

"What's to worry about? It's not like the film's gonna be a poorly-animated, unfunny mess
filled with product placement, ethnic stereotypes, and jokes totally inappropriate for a children's
movie. I'm sure this Lawrence Kasanoff guy knows what he's doing..."

Elliot admits that he's not quite sure what the next episode of the show is gonna be about. He needs a little inspiration. Boy, I know how that feels. Except that I'm not an animator, I'm just some schmuck who writes reviews of cartoons. Not the same thing at all.

Just then, who should pop in the door but Artie (puppeteered by Joey Mazzarino), Elliot's number one fan and the character who inspired Eddie. From the way he's dressed, I assume that he's going to a sci-fi convention.

"Take me to your kibble!"

Apparently, Artie has gotten hooked on this show called Moon Doggies of New Litter, and he is indeed on his way to a fan club convention. He invites Elliot to come along, but as Elliot puts it, "Ace Hart comes first."

Next, in barges the superintendent of the building where Elliot lives, Bruno (Brian Muehl), and his dimwitted assistant Bowser (David Rudman). Bruno is freaking out because he thinks Moon Doggies are invading their planet, and Elliot has to explain to him that the "Moon Doggies" he's seen are just fans of a TV show and that there are no such things as aliens. Talking dogs, sure, but ALIENS? Poppycock!

Bruno here is in-universe the inspiration for Bugsy Vile. In fact, the puppet used for him is the very same puppet used in the original Dog City special for the main villain, Bugsy Them. Not only that, but Elliot's puppet is the same puppet used for the special's Ace Yu (who was ALSO performed by Kevin Clash!). Neat, huh?

"And why is everyone singin' about how 'they don't talk about' me?! Sayin' that I've got
a seven-foot frame and rats along my back?!"

Then when Artie emerges from the bathroom in his Moon Doggy getup, Bruno immediately forgets what Elliot said and panics. Clearly Bruno is a few sodas short of a six-pack. After Artie leaves, Elliot is inspired to do an outer space episode. "This is a detective show, kid! I catch bad dogs, not little green mutts!" Ace complains. I'm kind of with Ace - when you send your characters into outer space, it's a pretty big sign that you've jumped the shark. Remember how ridiculous it was when Josie and the Pussycats went into outer space?

But Elliot is insistent, imagining a parody of War of the Worlds where Ace is pursued by UFOS shooting laser beams.

I bet the aliens are from Pluto. Get it? 'Cause that's the name of another cartoon dog?

"ELLIOT, CALL 'EM OFF!" Ace begs as he runs from the aliens. He's also not impressed when he sees that the invading aliens look like giant bugs. Again, I have to agree - aliens looking like bugs isn't very original. Although, as someone who is terrified of bugs, I will admit that it's a great way to make aliens look creepier.

"Can't you at least draw me a can of Raid to deal with 'em or something?"

Elliot agrees to do the show Ace's way because he doesn't have the time to argue over it. So Ace finds himself back in his office, relaxing, not having to deal with extraterrestrials... or should that be extra-terrier-strials?

Does anyone else hear crickets chirping?

Well, anyway, these two big dogs in trenchcoats and fedoras barge in and tell Ace that "Uncle Sparky" wants him. He is taken to the Cape Carnivorous Space Centre and meets a rocket scientist named Wormer Von Hound, who looks like Professor Farnsworth but as a dog. Like, eerily so. Did Matt Groening watch this episode?

"Good news, everyone! I have a fursona!"

Y'know how we've actually sent dogs to space before? Well, the canines in Dog City are one step ahead of us: they've sent dogs to the MOON! But, according to Von Hound, when doggy astronaut Heel Arfstrong landed on the moon, he was promptly attacked by aliens. Ha ha, Ace, Elliot managed to sneak science fiction into the episode after all!

And since this episode involves aliens, I suppose I'm gonna have to include that clip from Bolt somewhere in the review, so here it is:

So now Von Hound wants to send another "astromutt" to the moon. And you'd think sending Ace into space against his will instead of, y'know, an actual "astromutt" would be a dumb idea, wouldn't you? And you'd expect that Von Hound wants to do exactly that because the plot demands it, wouldn't you? Well, you'd be wrong! Actually, Von Hound just wants Ace to find out who's been stealing their office supplies. It's really getting out of hand.

But Ace isn't stupid. When he sees a rocket outside, he tells Elliot, "I know where this is goin'. Somehow, you're gonna get me into that rocket and blasted off, right?" "Why, no, Ace," Elliot claims. "Whatever makes you think THAT?" I do love it when the characters in what I'm reviewing make the jokes for me.

Elliot is shocked to learn that a goofy-looking antennae and nothing more does not a
Teletubby costume make.

The next thing Ace knows, he's inside the rocket. "I hate to do this to him, but someday he'll thank me for it," Elliot says. "I think. And now, the plot thickens!" With his paintbrush, he creates a Russian-accented cat speaking into a walkie-talkie. The cat says that he'll sneak into the rocket, blast off into space, and claim the moon for the felines of Catsylvania. Rule of thumb: if your cartoon show stars dogs and a cat appears in it, chances are the cat will be a bad guy. I think the only cartoon show starring dogs that didn't do this was Puppy Dog Pals.

"And then, I will bottle all of the milk in the Milky Way and bring it back to Earth for the cats
to lap up!"

Unbeknownst to the cat and Ace, somebody else has his eyes on the rocket too. That's right, it's the one and only Bugsy Vile and his gang: Frisky the broad-shouldered chihuaua (James Rankin), Bugsy's dimwitted nephew Bruiser (Howard Jerome), and the psychotic Mad Dog (also Stephen Ouimette). What does Bugsy want with the rocket? Well, he's planning to steal it and make it part of his big criminals-only amusement park, Vile World, the vilest place on Earth.

I hear it's at least more fun than Wesaysoland.

They get into the rocket after Bugsy sticks his credit card in the door... I'm not quite sure how that works, but okay... but they didn't count on Ace being in the rocket. He thinks they stole the office supplies - and if Frisky and Bruiser's taking pencil sharpeners and staplers out of their jackets is any indication, he's on the money. But Bugsy wants the rocket, and he declares that there's nothing Ace can do to stop them from taking it and making a theme park ride out of it.

Of course, he has no idea that the cat from before has somehow gotten into the rocket and is sitting in the captain's seat. He presses the "blast off" button and up the rocket goes.

We have liftoff.

Upon realizing that they're traveling into outer space, all five of the dogs inside the rocket start panicking. "WE ARE HURTLING THROUGH THE COSMOS! GOING TO THE MOOOOOOOOOOOON!" Bugsy exclaims. And not only that, but Frisky thinks he left the stove on! Horror of horrors!

"FREE HUGS!"

Ace points out to Elliot that they agreed on no science fiction crap in this episode. But Elliot found a loophole: blasting Ace to the moon isn't science FICTION, it's science FACT. "Come on, Ace, wouldn't you rahter howl ON the moon than howl AT the moon?" he suggests. I like how Elliot has a mischevious streak. Ace is just lucky Elliot hasn't started redesigning him at random. Otherwise, he could wind up looking like THIS:

Ace's little outer space adventure is interrupted by the return of Bruno and Bowser, who enter wearing pans on their heads and claiming that they're ready for the "Moon Doggies" this time. Apparently, Bruno doesn't even recognize Elliot with that antennae on, because when Elliot tells him that they're not being invaded by aliens, he says that the "Moon Doggy" is trying to "scramble [their] brains". "Someone obviously beat me to it," Elliot mutters.

Bruno also assumes that Elliot's waffle iron is a "Moon Doggy communicator" disguised as a common household appliance. He also sticks his paw on it like an idiot, and when Bowser accidentally turns it on, he winds up in serious pain. No wonder Elliot based one of his characters off of Bruno - he's practically a cartoon character already!

"Hey, don't blame ME. I TOLD you to leggo my Eggo..."

Once Bruno and Bowser leave, Elliot can get back to animating. Von Hound contacts Ace and screams at him for stealing the rocket, but Ace tells him that HE didn't steal it, BUGSY did. Bugsy claims that he's not stealing it either, although that was his original intent. But if HE didn't steal it, WHO did?

Of course, we know it was the cat... or rather, the horrifying dog-like alien he turned into!

"Hi, kids! I'll be seeing you all in your nightmares tonight!"

Ace tells Elliot to get rid of the "sci-fido", and Elliot turns the alien back into the cat. Bugsy and his gang fight the cat, and while this is going on, Ace notices a sign reading "IN CASE OF STUPIDITY, PRESS BUTTON" - a button that I think we ALL could use in this day and age. He presses the button, and the sign slides up to reveal a ray gun, which he promptly zaps the others with. It doesn't kill them, of course - the good guys of 1990s cartoon shows aren't allowed to kill people, for obvious reasons - it just freezes them. And somehow everyone in Dog City has already learned that Ace is going to the moon... I guess news travels fast in Dog City... so Ace can't back out now. It's off to the moon for him!

Ace takes charge, because he's seemingly the only one here with a level head. Bugsy and his gang are willing to listen to him, the cat not so much. He turns on a lunar rover... quick question, why would anthropomorphic dogs design a robot to look like a NON-anthropomorphic dog? I find that confusing...

They're playing "Go Fish". I guess the writers thought having dogs playing poker was too obvious
a joke...

...and gets it to eat Bruiser, Frisky and Mad Dog and fly out of the rocket with them inside it. Don't worry, they pop up in episodes after this, so we know they got back to Earth somehow. Maybe they hitched a ride in a UFO or something.

For some reason, the cat doesn't attempt to get rid of Ace and Bugsy as well. All three of them land on the moon... or at least, what they THINK is the moon. It's actually a hungry alien that's going to eat them for a midnight snack!

"HOW DARE YOU PUNY DOGS DISTURB MY SLUMBER! SAY HELLO TO MY
DIGESTIVE TRACT!"

"That's ENOUGH, Elliot!" Ace barks. Aw, come on, Ace, let Elliot spice up the episode a little. Alas, Elliot concedes, and the moon changes back to normal. They find the remains of the previous spaceship that brought Heel Arfstrong to the moon. Who could have done this? Why don't we ask the giant robot?

"I claim this moon in the name of the Autobots!"

"ELLIOT! Enough already with the space monsters!" Ace complains, but Elliot tells him that the robot isn't a space monster (another loophole! Elliot is great at finding them). It's being controlled by Baron Von Rottweiler's dimwitted minion from earlier, who takes them to his master's secret air-filled dome on the moon.

Okay, okay, hang on. How did Von Rottweiler escape the police and wind up on the MOON? Did he steal another rocket? Did he manage to contact aliens and have them pick him up? HOW?

See what happens when you deny Elliot the chance to put in aliens, Ace?

Adding to the confusion, after conquering the moon, Von Rottweiler built a doomsday device and is going to blow up the earth with it. Because... I don't know, it obstructs his view of Venus, maybe? He'll only spare the earth if he's allowed to take it over (and get an episode of Ace's show all to himself. You'll have to talk to Elliot about that, Von Rottweiler).

Ace... defeats Von Rottweiler with remarkable ease. Kind of anti-climactic, don't you think?

Hey, Ace, Blue left one of her pawprints on your suit. It must be a clue!

So the day is saved... except that no it's not, because Ace accidentally presses the button that launches the doomsday device. Oh, nice going, Ace. Fortunately, Ace manages to save the earth by telling Von Rottweiler's dimwitted assistant to fetch the missile. Downside: now it's heading for the moon, so now Ace, Von Rottweiler, Bugsy, the cat, and Heel are going to go ker-blooey instead. They all run into the rocket and blast off, grabbing Von Rottweiler's assistant and the lunar rover with Frisky, Bruiser, and Mad Dog in it on the way back to Earth, narrowly avoiding the missile's reaching the moon and blowing it up. The Earth's tides promptly shift, the kid in the DreamWorks logo now has nothing to sit on, and werewolves all over the world (do werewolves exist in a city where everyone is already an anthropomorphic dog?) are vanquished.

Ka-boom.

Ace returns to Earth a hero, and just as Elliot is finishing up the episode, Bruno and Bowser show up with a police dog and tell him to arrest Elliot for being a "Moon Doggy". Fortunately, the cop isn't an idiot, but he IS a fan of the "Moon Doggies", and as a result of that and Artie returning with his pals, Bruno faints.

Elliot has a surprise for Ace. He's going to get the key to the city - but that city isn't Dog City. Suddenly, Ace is sitting in front of a crowd of aliens. "Submitted for your approval... Ace Hart, private eye, dog. He went sniffing for glory in outer space..." Elliot says, doing his best Rod Serling impression. "But he found himself... barking up the wrong tree. A national hero in... the Hydrant Zone." "ELLIOT, GET THEM AWAY FROM MEEEEEEEEEEE!" Ace shrieks. Sorry, Ace, but you can't fight the dog holding the brush.

"Heh heh heh... ain't I a stinker?"

What's the Verdict?

So that's Dog City, and as you might have guessed, the best thing about it is the combination of live action and animation. It's a very unique idea for a show - an animator actually drawing the show as we watch it and interacting with the main character - and allows for a lot of great jokes. But the animated segments... y'know, the actual cartoon... are fun as well. Nicely animated, cool characters, good voice acting, and and I like how, unlike Fish Police, they actually utilize the fact that the characters aren't human. You don't get that much of it in this specific episode, but the show actually uses the characters being dogs to do some unique gags and storylines. For example, the first episode is about Ace trying to find who's stealing everybody's squeaky toys.

What's my main problem with the show? Well, in Season 3 things sort of got away from the Ace Hart stuff. Suddenly every episode had the stories interrupted by a segment starring some other character, including some that weren't even from Ace's show. I don't care about Artie's toy rabbit or the cat thief who outwits the dumb dog security guard, I came here for Ace Hart. Couldn't you at least put these segments in after Ace's storyline has wrapped up? Nonetheless, I still highly recommend checking out Dog City. Seek it out if you haven't already.

Rating: Four flea collars out of five. A doggone good cartoon.

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Let's Watch This... Again: An Episode of "Sidekick"

NOTE: Please do not take any of the little nitpicks in this review (or any of my other reviews, for that matter) seriously. I write these reviews in the hopes of making people laugh. Those nitpicks are really just dumb little observations that I'm attempting to make jokes out of, not complaints that add to whether or not I like something.

NOTE #2: No disrespect is meant towards anyone who worked on the show I am reviewing today. I'm sure they are all very nice and talented people.

NOTE #3: If you like this show, that is great. Go ahead and like it. I'm not judging you.

Y'know what we haven't done on this blog in a while? A re-review!

Sidekick, created by Todd Kauffman and Joey So for Nelvana, does have a great premise for a cartoon: after so many cartoons about superheroes, how about one about superheroes' SIDEKICKS? Sure, Robin already got his time in the spotlight as the leader of the Teen Titans, but aside from that, there hasn't been much focus on the superheroes' faithful young companions. In this show, kids go to a school called the Academy For Aspiring Sidekicks and learn how to be sidekicks.

The main character, Eric Needles (voiced by Miklos Perlus), is the sidekick of superhero Maxum Man (Ron Pardo), who is currently missing. His best friends are the dimwitted villain's henchman wannabe Trevor Troublemeyer (Christian Potejza), the vain and bossy Vana Glama (Stephanie Anne Mills) who Eric totally has the hots for even though she can't stand him, and Kitty Ko (Denise Oliver), a sweet-natured and highly-intelligent Asian girl who is desperately in love with Eric but he's too stupid to notice, and who I also found to be the best character on the show, the only one I actually kind of liked, and the one who I thought would make a much better protagonist. Other characters include headmaster Professor Pamplemoose (Patrick McKenna) and Maxum Man's sentient computer Maxum Brain (Tony Daniels).

I will say in Sidekick's defense that it has more going for it than something like Scaredy Squirrel or Spliced. However, I wasn't that impressed by the previous episode of the show I watched. But who knows? Maybe I'll like this one better. We're going to watch the thirty-seventh episode of the show, which consists of the segments "The Land Before Grunk" and "I, Sidebot". This is Sidekick... again.

Our first segment is "The Land Before Grunk". It begins with Eric's class learning about the world's first supervillain, Grunk, via a puppet show. No one could stop Grunk because he had an army of dinosaurs (who could apparently breathe fire, unless whoever's putting on this puppet show thinks that dinosaurs and dragons are the same thing)... until Maxum Man arrived. Seeing as Professor Pamplemoose says that Grunk was around millions of years ago, Maxum Man must be tremendously old.

And if that puppet is any indication, he's aged tremendously well!

Using his prehistoric freeze breath, Maxum Man froze Grunk for all of eternity... or until a really hot day, at least. Then, Professor Pamplemoose tells the class that he's going to take them all on a field trip to see Grunk... after a grueling three-hour bus ride through the desert.

Wait, the frozen supervillain is currently being held in a DESERT? Y'know, a place where it gets very, very HOT? Where there's a pretty good chance that the ice containing him could MELT? That's like trapping Hansel and Gretel in a prison cell made of gingerbread.

Just curious, do they ever explain why Pamplemoose has green skin?

Apparently, whoever chose to place the frozen Grunk in a desert wasn't so stupid after all - he's hidden in an ice cave, which deserts do indeed sometimes have (often formed in lava tubes). Since Eric and Trevor were asleep during the puppet show, they have no idea what they're even doing in the desert, much to Pamplemoose's ire. If Grunk were freed, he claims, they would all be doomed and cavemen and dinosaurs would roam the earth once again. Wouldn't it just be one cavemen, or does Grunk have a bunch of brothers frozen in ice too?

Well, anyway, as his classmates head to the gift shop, Eric stupidly decides to throw a small rock at the frozen Grunk. And even though his rock-throwing skills are miniscule, it does cause a crack to start forming in the ice. A few seconds later...

Jeez, we're already three minutes in and already chaos has ensued. Pacing is a thing, guys.

"THANKS, DUMB-SHAPED KID, FOR RELEASING GRUNK," Grunk tells Eric from atop his tyrannosaurus rex (yes, yes, dinosaurs and cavemen did not co-exist, it's a cartoon, they can take some historic liberties). Upon hearing that, Vana has to be restrained from punching Eric... and, honestly, while it has been previously established that Vana has anger issues, I don't blame her for wanting to clobber him. Then Grunk steals Eric's sandwich, which makes Kitty MAD! "Nobody steals from my Eric!" she declares... even if Eric has a habit of getting her name wrong. As those of you who read my previous review of the show might recall, Eric is a tool.

Huh, Grunk has green skin too. I wonder if he's Pamplemoose's ancestor or something.

Then we get two disgusting jokes in a row! First of all, Grunk falls in love with Kitty. Reminder, he's a million-year-old caveman and she's... at least twelve, right? This is all sorts of wrong. Then we get a joke involving Trevor FARTING IN KITTY'S FACE. Ew.

Even Bee Movie was a better love story than this!

Grunk promptly kidnaps Kitty, and her friends pursue him in Maxum Man's car... I guess Eric already has a driver's license even though he's... again, at least twelve. "You've just stolen my one true love!" Eric shouts. Of course, he's not referring to Kitty. He's referring to the sandwich. Honestly, Kitty, what do you see in this guy? On the bright side, Eric does promptly get stomped on and then eaten by the t-rex.

Hooray! This means Kitty can be the new protagonist!

And because Trevor is a tool too, his reaction to seeing his best friend get eaten is to cheerfully say, "Cool!" Kitty demands that Grunk bring Eric back ASAP, so the t-rex barfs Eric out. I'm sorry, but I still find it really disturbing that Grunk is in love with someone who's clearly a teenager at the oldest. They really didn't think this plot point through, did they?

Vana is annoyed that Grunk is attracted to Kitty instead of her, because apparently she has a thing for cavepeople? And Eric's still more upset over the sandwich than he is over Kitty being kidnapped. Kitty needs to get some better friends.

While Eric and Trevor are working on a plan to stop Grunk, poor Kitty is trapped in a cage being hit on by someone several decades older than she is. Eventually, Eric and Trevor show up, dressed in Maxum Man costumes. But Grunk has an ultimate weapon he can use against them. Y'know how owls often cough up pellets with mouse bones and stuff in 'em after they eat? Well, t-rexes do that too... or maybe it's actually just their poop. Either way, disgusting.

Jeez, how many people have those t-rexes eaten? Maybe now we know what happened
to Maxum Man...

Eric and Trevor dodge the t-rex crap, and Grunk... gets confused and gives up. Normally, I'd complain about this being anti-climactic, but there are two reasons why I won't. First of all, if the alternative is him throwing more poop at them, I'll gladly take this instead. Second, HE might be giving up, but the t-rexes aren't.

It initially seems like the t-rexes eat Eric and Trevor, but instead they just put them in the cage with Kitty. But when Eric sees that Grunk still has his stupid sandwich... who is he, the Rob Paulsen-voiced alien from Lilo and Stitch: The Series?

Anyway, he gets an idea: he calls up Vana, but she refuses, even though these are her BEST FRIENDS. What, is she still bitter that Grunk didn't fall head over heels in love with HER? I'd say you dodged a bullet, Vana. Fortunately, Eric gets another idea. He tells Vana that, actually, they don't need her, they have Kitty, who's so much braver and smarter and better than she is (I mean, he's not wrong). Sure enough...

"Yabba-dabba-doo, punks!"

Vana manages to defeat the t-rexes - and even BLOWS ONE UP FROM THE INSIDE, maybe that's just the animal-lover in me talking but I find that pretty gruesome. "EAT ICE, CAVEMAN!" she shouts before zapping Grunk with her freeze-gun, trapping him in ice once again... and also Eric, Trevor, and Kitty as well. Oh, and Eric's precious sandwich, can't forget THAT.

"I WAS FROZEN TODAY!"

I'm going to assume that Vana eventually came back and freed Eric, Trevor and Kitty with an ice pick, because all three of them are okay in the next segment...

Today, the class has a guest speaker: this old guy who tells them that they won't have to risk life and limb assisting superheroes anymore. He picks up one kid and starts using him to wipe his butt... ANOTHER thing that is wrong on a number of levels...

He introduces Laser-Operating Individual Digital Sidekicks (L.O.I.D.S. for short). They're flying robots that will be assisting the superheroes instead of the sidekicks. Pamplemoose dubs the students obselete and closes the academy.

It should be pretty obvious why I chose to review this episode in particular. Nowadays, companies are obsessed with AI and want to use it to replace human employees - ESPECIALLY those that work in the animation industry. At some point, I might wind up reviewing a cartoon made or written entirely by AI. I really hope everyone calms down about AI before that happens, but something tells me this episode is going to serve as a cautionary tale that nobody listened to. By the way, I never use AI when writing my blog posts - so if you see a spelling error, a grammar error, or a joke that's not funny in the slightest, that's on me.

I guess the appeal of AI for these companies is that you don't have to pay it like you do
employees. Because I'm sure it's SUCH A HASSLE for Disney, the company that makes billions
of dollars a year, to pay their animators, rihgt?

Unlike all the other students, Eric is THRILLED that he's been replaced by a robot. Kitty is dismayed because if the school closes, how will she see Eric? He suggests that she can just visit the mansion, which gives Kitty the idea to sneak into the mansion while Eric is sleeping and... capture his farts in a jar?

Okay, Kitty, you're still the best character on the show, but this is a big no-no.

Why would she even WANT his farts, anyway?

"I won't stand for this! No machine can replace ME!" Vana declares. But Eric is still thrilled - now they won't have to fail tests and put their lives in danger... but then it occurs to him that if he's not a sidekick, he might not be able to live in the Maxum Mansion anymore. He'll have to go back to the orphanage! And he's so tired of singing "It's the Hard-Knock Life"!

Sure enough, Maxum Brain tells Eric when he gets home that he's no longer staying in the mansion. Now he'll have to go stay with Trevor, who's started invention EEEEEEEEEEVIL things like a "funday device" that spreads doom in a "fun way". Even ignoring that, bunking with Trevor probably isn't the best idea, what with his pet gargoyles around too.

Note to self: review Gargoyles at some point...

After recruiting Kitty's help and getting Eric's clothes back off-camera (they were previously taken by Maxum Brain because they were property of Maxum Man or whatever, hence why he was shirtless in the previous screencap), Eric and Trevor go visit Vana, who has calmed down by doing light reading, knitting, and making exact replicas of the L.O.I.D.S. out of her earwax. Yeah, it should be pretty obvious that she's basically a ticking timebomb - and when Eric asks for her help, she snaps like a twig and suddenly becomes incredibly buff.

SOMEONE's been skipping Leg Day.

"THOSE ROBOTS DON'T STAND A CHANCE!" Eric shouts... only for him and his friends to learn the hard way that they do. One of the L.O.I.D.S. effortlessly ties them to a lamppost. "CURSE THESE BRUTAL MECHANICAL MARVELS!" Kitty exclaims, prompting the L.O.I.D.S. to at least give her a pillow. But what's this? The superheroes of their town have shown up to save the day! Even THEY know that robots can't replace REAL sidekicks! Hooray!

Oh, wait. Never mind. The L.O.I.D.S. tie up the superheroes too.

I want to know more about the blonde-haired cyclops girl. What's HER story?

"There's only one thing left to do!" Eric says - NOT invent yogurt shoes, like Trevor guesses, but go to the evil side of town and enlist the help of the worst supervillain the world has ever known! Who could that be? Lex Luthor? Doctor Octopus? Elon Musk?

Nope, it's this guy named XOX (Ron Rubin) - the evil alter-ego of Trevor's father. He explains that since the L.O.I.D.S. replaced all the superheroes and sidekicks and took the fun out of being bad, he decided to quit villainy and start a band! I assume his bandmates are recurring villains who appeared in other episodes of the show.

I want to know about the green-skinned muscle-bound guy on the drums, too.

Eric and the others manage to play XOX like a fiddle and get him to help them take down the L.O.I.D.S. - in turn, he enlists the help of every other supervillain in town. And so the L.O.I.D.S. are defeated and the day is saved.

Just kidding. The L.O.I.D.S. are too powerful for THEM, too.

The words "EPIC FAIL" are coming to mind...

Since the L.O.I.D.S. are unstoppable, everyone decides to pack up, leave the city and build a new one where they can continue their superhero/supervillain/sidekick thing and never speak of the L.O.I.D.S. again. Huzzah! Of course, Trevor stupidly suggests that maybe they should build robots to do their work for them. I expected everyone to slap him for being such an idiot or at least shout "NOOOOOOOOO!" at the top of their lungs, but nope, everyone starts to think it over.

So I guess this implies that they're going to do the episode over and over again - build robots, find themselves unable to defeat them, leave town and build another one, lather, rinse, repeat.

What's the Verdict?

I'm still gonna have to put Sidekick in the mediocre category. I actually think one of the segments in the previous episode I reviewed, "Match Dot Com", was better than either of the episodes I reviewed here. There's only so many times you can say that Kitty is the only likeable character or that most of the jokes (mainly the ones involving Trevor) aren't funny before the review starts to become repetitive. Good voice acting and the occasional clever gag - I particularly like how the episode ends with them abandoning the town and building another one, even if it's a bit of an anti-climax - save the show from being a complete waste of time, but I still wouldn't recommend watching it.

Incidentally, y'know how I keep saying that the show would be better if Kitty were the protagonist? According to Wikipedia and TV Tropes, she WAS originally supposed to be the protagonist. Why'd they change it? We don't even NEED Eric, Trevor and Vana - just do a show about Kitty learning how to be a sidekick at the academy and getting thrown into bizarre situations as a result. That would've been so much better!

Let's Watch This: "Rolie Polie Olie: The Great Defender of Fun" (2002)

Do you remember Rolie Polie Olie?

There's a very good chance that you do. Produced by Nelvana and created by children's book author William Joyce, the show ran on Playhouse Disney from 1998 until 2004, taking place in a world that would've felt right at home in a Fleischer Studios cartoon - except it was in CGI and all the characters were robots. I loved this show when I was younger - I was lucky enough to be in its target audience during the time when Playhouse Disney had a lot of really great shows. Bear in the Big Blue House, Stanley, The Book of Pooh, Out of the Box... fortunately, you can find all of these shows on Disney Plus now, but it's not quite the same.

Rolie Polie Olie was a pretty popular show, if not to the same level of popularity as Bear in the Big Blue House. But it did have one thing that Bear didn't have - a movie. In fact, it got TWO movies! Both of them straight-to-video, but still, a movie's a movie. 2002 saw the release of the first Rolie Polie Olie movie, Rolie Polie Olie: The Great Defender of Fun.

I remember watching this movie when it came out on DVD, and liking it well enough, but I haven't seen it in years. Does it hold up? Well, I found the film on YouTube (which is convenient, since it doesn't seem to be on Disney Plus and I no longer have the DVD), so why don't we find out?

The movie begins in a galaxy full of sentient planets and stars, triumphant music playing in the background, before we come across... what I could only possibly describe as nightmare fuel.

Seriously, that clown head with the purple skin alone is gonna appear in my
nightmares, I just know it...

This, a narrator tells us, is the faraway "Galaxy of Goofs", and it's been invaded by a dark force. The master of gloom, the pirate of pleasure, the worstest, baddest bot in the universe (the narrator's words, not mine)... Gloomious Maximus! He's nasty, he's diabolical, and worst of all, he's voiced by James Woods! AAAAAAAAAAAUGH!

...uh, is that blood on his chin?

With his "Un-Funarators", which kind of look like the speaker horns from gramophones, he can suck the fun out of EVERYTHING! In other words, he's the Rolie Polie Olie equivalent of those guys who complain about cartoon mascots being used to advertise sugary cereal to kids. Y'know, the people we have to blame for the Trix Rabbit being out of a job?

Gloomious uses his "Un-Funarators" to suck the fun out of the Galaxy of Goofs' residents. Fortunately, who should show up to save the day but Spaceboy and Spacedog, who are basically Rolie Polie Olie and his dog Spot but blue and dressed in chrome. They will defeat Gloomious by... laughing at him. Apparently this villain's weakness is laughter. Ah well, it's better than being defeated by SNEEZING...

"Astro Boy can suck it!"

All of this is just a TV show that Olie, his sister Zowie, and his square-shaped friend Billy Bevel are watching. The narrator tells them to help Spaceboy and Spacedog by laughing as well. It works, the creatures of nightmares are filled with fun again, and even Gloomious' minions are yukking it up. Gloomious is all "DRAT! I've been foiled by LAUGHTER!" and leaves.

Olie and Zowie's mother enters the room and reminds them that it's Zowie's birthday party tomorrow (plot exposition!), then on TV, Spaceboy tells the audience that Gloomious has a new weapon called a "Super-Powerful, Ultra-Gloomerator Glum-Beam" and to call the "Spaceboy Hotline" if they get in a jam. I assume this is more exposition. Also, Blogger's spell-check is getting a pretty good workout from this post.

I'm guessing Billy wouldn't be offended if you were to call him a "blockhead".

Olie, Billy, and Zowie send out invitations for Zowie's party via tiny rockets, because why not? One of the rockets leaves their planet's atmosphere and goes into space - and it's heading right towards a ship that looks a lot like the one Gloomious Maximus was piloting in the show Olie, Billy and Zowie were watching...

Hmmm...

And guess who's piloting that ship? Why, Gloomious Maximus, of course! He's not just a character in a TV show? Does he play himself in the show and then just go out to do evil stuff? Or is the Gloomious Maximus in the show an imposter? I wonder if he's ever considered suing for defamation of character.

Anyhow, the rocket winds up aboard the ship, and when Gloomious reads the invitation inside he makes it his goal to ruin Zowie's birthday party. But first, he's going to sing an awful song about how much he hates fun.

I believe this song is called "The Karens' National Anthem".

Back on the Polies' planet, Olie and Billy have invented what looks like a Nerf gun that shoots bubbles (SpongeBob would love that). Olie's dad and his Uncle Gizmo show up with an invention of their own - a handy-dandy energy refibulator, which can synthesize anything's energy into a powerful ray. For instance, it can take the yummy taste of cookies (does something's taste really quality as "energy"?) and make a yummy ray.

Question: how come some of the robots in this show have hair and others don't? Does Olie
ever feel self-conscious about being bald?

Olie explains that he wants to give the bubble-blowing gun to Zowie for her birthday, but he was hoping it would be a special super-silly ray instead. "Maybe you just haven't got enough silly in it yet," his dad suggests. Perhaps they could use the energy refibulator to refibulate the energy of them being silly and create an actual silly ray.

You're probably wondering why Uncle Gizmo is an Elvis impersonator. I'm wondering that too. Do robots in outer space even know who Elvis is? We never see any humans in this show, but the planet Olie lives on isn't supposed to be Earth (at least I don't THINK it is), so I doubt we're supposed to assume that humanity went extinct or anything.

Anyway, the robots all act silly, and the energy refibulator does its thing and turns the bubble-blowing gun into a gun that blows bubbles that make people act silly. I really hope such a device doesn't fall into the wrong hands...

"Spider-Bot, Spider-Bot, does whatever a Spider-Bot does
Can defy, gravity, when he acts, real silly
Look oooooooooout, he is a Spider-Bot..."

"It works! This is gonna be the A-Number-One-bestest present I ever gave Zowie!" Olie declares. When he and Billy bring up Gloomious Maximus, Olie's dad and Uncle Gizmo reveal that they know about Gloomious Maximus too. When they were small, they watched Gloomious on a show called The Willy and Wally Jolly Hour. Who are Willy and Wally Jolly? Why, only the greatest Defenders of Fun ever. They also looked much more human than any of the other robots we've seen. In fact, they kind of look like prototypes for Rodney Copperbottom, another William Joyce-created robot character.

Wow, Gloomious Maximus hasn't aged a day since then.

...wait a second. DO robots age?

Meanwhile, Gloomious fires his Glum Beam at Olie's hometown of Polieville, which will put everyone to sleep, leaving them powerless to stop him from sucking the fun out of their lives. It doesn't seem to have any effect on Olie, Billy, Zowie, or Spot, but Olie's dad and Uncle Gizmo turn blue and become very, very tired. "It's like they've been... Gloomerated," Olie points out. "Time to call the Spaceboy Hotline!"

Olie calls up the hotline and tells Spaceboy - who ALSO exists and isn't just a TV show character, apparently - about what's going on. He tells Olie that he, Billy and Zowie weren't affected by the Glum Beam because they were wearing party hats, which deflected the beam's power. "Try to keep your chins up! I'll be there as fast as I can!" he declares. Until Spaceboy gets there, Olie decides that they'll have to be Great Defenders of Fun just like Willy and Wally. Oh yeah, and Olie and Zowie's goofy grandpa Pappy shows up, but he's been "Gloomerated" too.

Becoming "Gloomerated" is what happens when you spend too much time on Twitter.

Boy, these jokes are just writing themselves...

Pappy might have been "Gloomerated", but his seemingly sentient dentures haven't for some reason, which is a good thing because Olie, Billy, Zowie, and Spot are gonna need all the help they can get - especially since Gloomious' ship has arrived! Zowie decides to cheer up the "Gloomerated" bots by tickling them, and Olie, Billy, Spot, and the dentures head to the park to stop Gloomious from sucking the fun out of everything.

They use the silly bubble-blowing gun to make Gloomious' minions act silly, but it doesn't work on Gloomious himself. After a rousing game of Keep-Away and the dentures biting Gloomious' posterior, Spaceboy and Spacedog show up to help, as do Zowie and the remainder of the Polie clan, now de-Gloomerated. "We'll laugh you right out of Polieville, Gloomious Maximus!" Mrs. Polie declares.

Gloomious' one weakness - jokes about his weight. When he sits around the house,
he SITS AROUND THE HOUSE.

"Too many laughs! Too much happiness!" Gloomious says, but then he manages to get his hands on the silly ray/bubble blowing gun. Remember what I said about hoping that device didn't fall into the wrong hands? Well, as Gloomious heads back to his ship with the gun, he makes it clear that he has eeeeeeeeeevil plans for it. Olie is bummed that he doesn't have a present for Zowie now, but Zowie says, "Me no need present. Me want Olie happy." Then Mr. Polie gets bitten on the butt by the dentures (they must be very powerful dentures if they can bite characters made of metal).

Olie, Zowie, Billy, Spot, and the dentures are heroes, and Pappy is so happy that he starts tap-dancing. But he winds up busting his "happy gear", which means he can't dance. To make matters worse, they're being interviewed on TV, and Gloomious is watching them, so when he sees this he gets an idea... an awful idea... Gloomious has a wonderful, awful idea...

Curse you, movie, for making me crave cake at 9:16 in the morning.

While Mrs. Polie is finishing up the cake for Zowie's party, Dr. Geary the Gyropractor shows up to help Pappy. He fixes the happy gear, and Pappy can dance again. So, pointless conflict - torpedoed. Let's celebrate with a musical number!

Be warned - once this song enters your head, it will never leave.

I wonder what the mindset was behind making the Polies' house a giant teapot.

Alas, Pappy's happy gear starts acting up again, but all sorts of mail comes in to help fix the problem - a new Happy Gear, a can of oil, etc. None of it seems to work, though. At least until they try the hyperactive giggling pickle (yes, that's in the movie. I did not make that up).

Gloomious' minions drop off another rocket at the house, and when they open it up, out pops a tiny storm cloud that zaps Pappy with lightning and messes up his happy gear once again. Why don't they just use the pickle again? It worked the first time.

Instead, Olie decides that they have to get the silly ray back - then they can just ZAP Pappy back to being happy. Or, y'know, just use the pickle again. But considering that Gloomious' minions are sabotaging the party, culminating in them sending Zowie and Pappy flying away with a giant balloon, maybe it'd just be easier to take down Gloomious once and for all.

"Ground control to Major Tom..."

Mr. and Mrs. Polie hop into their flying car (which looks suspiciously similar to the one George Jetson drives) and go after Pappy and Zowie. They'd better hurry, because Gloomious' minions are on their tail. Eventually, Pappy and Zowie wind up floating right into the clutches of Gloomious, and thanks to his minions' messing with a directional signpost, Mr. and Mrs. Polie are sucked into a wormhole - which, amusingly, is actually shaped like a worm.

Olie, Billy and Spot head into space themselves in a rocket ship they've constructed, followed by Uncle Gizmo on his flying motorcycle. Olie, Billy and Spot make it into Gloomious' ship, and when Gloomious is all "You aren't going anywhere!" Olie reveals their secret weapon - the hyperactive giggling pickle!

"NO, PLEASE, I'M ALLERGIC TO PICKLES!"

While Gloomious is dealing with the pickle, they manage to swipe back the silly ray and fix Pappy for the third time. Everybody heads home, including Mr. and Mrs. Polie who finally make it out of that wormhole. Birthday party time!

So, the day is saved, Gloomious is defeated, Zowie has a great birthday... but wouldn't you know it, the film STILL isn't over. Gloomious has now decided to PULL THE ENTIRE PLANET THAT OLIE LIVES ON TO THE GALAXY OF GLOOM. Dude, know when to throw in the towel. Fortunately, he pulls the planet by a little green planet where two... alien robots, I guess, called the Littlegreens live, so Olie calls them up to ask them if they know what's going on.

Oh, look, there's a beautiful full Gloomius Maximus head in the nights sky...
wait a minute.

Next, Olie calls up the Spaceboy Hotline, but Spaceboy's busy at the moment. So then Mr. Polie gets the idea to pull the planet back to its original spot with his car and Uncle Gizmo's motorcycle. Unfortunately, Gloomious' ship is much more powerful. Fortunately, Spaceboy and Spacedog see what's going on and fly over to help Mr. Polie and Uncle Gizmo. Unfortunately, Gloomious manages to knock Mr. Polie and Uncle Gizmo out by pelting them with bowling balls. Fortunately, the planet that the land on is the very same planet that Willy and Wally Jolly call home. Huzzah!

How does a robot grow a mustache?

The effects of the Galaxy of Gloom are already taking effect, and the Polies are starting to turn into a bunch of Eeyores. But then they get a call from Spaceboy, who tells them that they need more turbo power. Then Mrs. Polie gives Olie another idea - if they get Gloomious' happy gear going again, maybe his heart would grow three sizes. In the meantime, Mrs. Polie and Pappy enlist the help of everyone in Polieville to get the planet away from the Galaxy of Gloom, and Olie and Zowie enlist the help of various Polieville kids to act silly so the energy refibulator can add more silliness to the silly ray. Once it's nice and silly, they give the ray to Pappy just as he's about to take off into outer space.

So now it's basically a tug-of-war for the planet Polie.

If a planet actually WERE pulled to another location in the galaxy, would the clouds
come with it? I legitimately have no idea, I'm not a science expert...

"Cheer up, Gloomious!" Olie says, channeling his inner action movie hero, as he, Billy, and Zowie arrive in Gloomious' ship with the silly ray. Gloomious threatens to suck the fun out of Billy if they don't hand over the ray, but Billy urges Olie to blast him with as many bubbles as possible. Gloomious is overwhelmed, and despite his best efforts winds up being scrubbed of all gloomy thoughts. He even starts LAUGHING, and agrees to let the Polie planet go.

Then Zowie invites Gloomious to her birthday party, and - I know I already made this joke, but it fits the situation perfectly - Gloomious' heart grows three sizes. Or rather, his happy gear starts working. He's so happy he starts singing.

The movie ends with everybody dancing in a conga line to the moon. Make up your own joke here, I've got nothing.

What's the Verdict?

I'm glad I rewatched this. It's hardly Oscar-worthy, but it's a fun little movie. My only complaint is that it's needlessly long. There's a lot of padding that could have easily been taken out - like, did we need to be tricked into thinking that Pappy's happy gear was fixed TWICE before it got messed up again? Also, the songs were kind of weak. Still, it has everything that makes the show good - likeable characters, decent animation, and a cheeryness about it that, in today's more bitter and cynical world, is desperately needed. If you have kids, show 'em Rolie Polie Olie - start with the show, then this movie. They'll probably like it. As for the OTHER Rolie Polie Olie movie, The Baby Bot Chase, we'll look at it another time.

This review is brought to you by... a stick.

It's a stick. You can go outside and find one. And there's so many things you can do with a stick! You can poke things with it, you can feed a beaver with it, you can throw it for your dog to fetch... look, not EVERY review on this blog can be brought to you by something funny.