Let's Watch This: An Episode of "Speed Buggy"

NOTE: Please do not take any of the little nitpicks in this review (or any of my other reviews, for that matter) seriously. I write these reviews in the hopes of making people laugh. Those nitpicks are really just dumb little observations that I'm attempting to make jokes out of, not complaints that add to whether or not I like something.

It's been too long since I've reviewed a Hanna-Barbera cartoon. Let's fix that, shall we?

Speed Buggy is another cartoon that owes its existence to Scooby-Doo, Where Are You?. As we've established, that show's popularity led to many, many other cartoons about at least three teenagers and something out of the ordinary - a talking dog, a talking shark, a ghost - solving mysteries. This time, the Fred, Daphne, and Shaggy clones were teamed up with a talking car voiced by Mel Blanc. Other inspirations for the show were Disney's 1968 film The Love Bug and Speed Racer.

The show was created by William Hanna and Joseph Barbera and premiered on CBS in September 1973. One season, consisting of sixteen episodes, was produced. Like most of the Scooby-Doo cash-grabs made during this time period, it didn't reach that show's level of success (though critics apparently liked it). Over the years, it's rerun on channels like Cartoon Network and Boomerang, and Speed Buggy has made cameos in other shows like Johnny Bravo, Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated, and Futurama.

Our main characters: Speed Buggy, Mark, Debbie, and Tinker.

I've watched most of the Scooby-Doo cash-grabs for this blog. As a rule of thumb, the more similar to Scooby-Doo they are, the lousier they are too. Fangface was mediocre at best, and Goober and the Ghost Chasers had nothing going for it. On the flip side, I thought The Funky Phantom was worth a watch, mostly for the Funky Phantom himself. Jabberjaw was okay. I've actually watched several episodes of Speed Buggy before doing this review, and I think it's probably the best of the Scooby-Doo clones. Of course, there are still a lot more that I need to review (I'm sure I'll do Clue Club at some point). Why do I say that? Well, let's watch the eleventh episode of the show, "The Ringmaster", and I'll go into more detail on why Speed Buggy is better than you might think...

The episode starts off with Speed Buggy and his pals Mark (voiced by Michael Bell), Tinker (Phil Luther Jr.) and Debbie (Arlene Golonka) racing in the Bayou 500. You'd think a race in the bayou would involve boats as opposed to cars, what with most of the bayou being water. Of course, Speed Buggy is not an ordinary car. Even aside from the whole "he can talk" thing, Tinker has outfitted him with all sorts of gadgets and abilities. See, he's TOTALLY different from Shaggy - Shaggy isn't a mechanic!

As for Mark and Debbie, yeah, they're pretty much just Fred and Daphne 5.0, but there's one thing worth noting... Debbie is the leader of the team, not Mark. I think there's still ONE episode where she gets captured by the bad guy, but that's it. To be fair, though, Daphne didn't get captured that much in the original show either.

Sure, the Mystery Machine is more iconic, but can it DRIVE ON WATER?

"Keeping us on course in this swamp is like looking for a needle in a wet haystack!" Debbie groans, looking at the map. Then we cut to... a circus tent? Set up in the middle of a swamp? Who are the Ringling Brothers expecting to come see the show, Shrek?

From out of the tent emerges the titular Ringmaster. He plays a pan flute and some animals emerge from smaller tents in front of him: an elephant, a giraffe, a zebra, a gorilla, a cheetah, and a crocodile. The giraffe has a video camera on its head and makes sounds like an injured bird. Y'know, as giraffes often do.

That's an awfully small crocodile. Maybe it's actually a caiman?

The giraffe's video camera, it seems, is there to alert the Ringmaster of anyone approaching his island. And when he sees that Speed Buggy and his compadres are on their way, he is not pleased. You'd think he'd be happier to see what could just be paying customers - I mean, obviously this guy is up to something EEEEEEEEE-VIL, but they have no way of knowing that yet. Paranoid much, Ringmaster?

"Ugh. I've always liked Captain Caveman better."

To prevent the kids' arriving on his island, the Ringmaster raises the drawbridge... which only goes up AFTER Speed Buggy and his friends drive over it. I'm not sure if it's still cool to say "EPIC FAIL", but that's the perfect way of describing what just occured. They drive right up to the guy and he demands to know in his weird accent I can't figure out (I want to say British, but I genuinely have no idea) what they're doing on his island.

Sir Topham Hatt does not approve.

"Don't get uptight, Napoleon! Just give us some directions and we'll leave your precious island!" Debbie declares. Dang, that's a pretty gutsy thing to say. I guess now we know why Debbie's the one who wears the pants in this quartet. Although I'm not sure "Napoleon" is the wittiest thing to call this guy, seeing as he's much taller (unless he's wearing stilts under those pants. That's a distinct possibility).

"You can't leave! You've seen too much!" the Ringmaster snaps. What do you mean they've "seen too much"? They haven't seen anything outside of you. They just got there! They haven't given you any indication that they've noticed the tents, or the animals, or your trapeze artists and clowns assuming you even have them. Speed Buggy tries to drive away, but the Ringmaster orders the animals to stop them, which they accomplish rather easily.

Take a look at the elephant's face. That expression manages to be both disturbing and hilarious at the same time.

"Smile! You're on Giraffe Camera!"

The Ringmaster traps Speed, Mark, Debbie, and Tinker in a cage and dubs himself the best animal trainer and ringmaster the world has ever known. But he doesn't actually run a circus, which explains the lack of clowns, trapeze artists and cotton candy vendors. No, no - his animals are a prototype of an entire animal army that he's going to use to take over the world.

He demonstrates how he'll do it. He's built a set meant to represent any government building in the world. First, he'll have the giraffe spy on the folks inside the building with his video camera.

"We have incriminating evidence against Richard Nixon! 'I am not a crook'
my spotted rear end!"

The video camera is hooked up to some sort of monitor, showing the Ringmaster that the office is empty. When he points this out to the good guys, Mark says, "Yeah, just like your head!" as opposed to "Of course it's empty, you mook, it's not a real government building."

Next, the Ringmaster sends in the gorilla and the crocodile to sneak into the building, and then the zebra to break down the door... which seems kind of pointless if the gorilla and crocodile have snuck in already, but what do I know, I'm not a supervillain. Then, when the gorilla and crocodile wheel out a safe, he has the elephant jump up and down on top of it to get it open. Uh, one small problem with this: elephants can't jump. No, really. Look it up. 

I know it's stupid to bring realism into a cartoon with a sentient talking car, just thought
I'd bring it up.

Then the cheetah will steal the contents of the safe - top-secret papers - and bring it to the Ringmaster. He boasts that his animal army will be unstoppable. Unless the government brings in a big game hunter, I suppose.

That night, Debbie attempts to bend the bars of the cage they're in, but fails at it for the obvious reason that she is not Hercules or a cartoon gorilla. "Don't just stand there, give me a hand!" she tells Mark and Tinker... to which they start clapping, a genuinely very funny joke.

I like to think that they actually knew what she meant, they're just trolling her. In fact,
that might have been the indication.

Then Tinker gets an idea. He removes Speed's back tires - which Speed comments makes him feel naked, another genuinely funny joke - so that Speed can use them to cut through the floor of the cage like a buzzsaw.

So, do the good guys have a plan to foil the Ringmaster's plot to use animals to take over the world? Nope, they're just going to make a run for it. Can't say I blame them. I mean, they'd be going up against a gorilla, a cheetah, a crocodile, and an elephant. The Ringmaster could just order the elephant to sit on them and they'd be flattened into pancakes. Or he could have the crocodile eat them.

Well, he could have the crocodile eat Mark, Tinker, and Debbie anyway. I don't think it's
possible for a crocodile to eat a car.

Unsurprisingly, Mr. Monopoly's evil twin is not pleased to discover that Speed Buggy and his amigos have escaped. He orders his animals to make sure they do not get off the island, but by this point they're back in the bayou so I guess that ship has sailed. He has the zebra put a giant rock in their path, but Speedy manages to drive on top of the rock and turn the tables on the black and white horse. Good guys: 1, Ringmaster: zilch.

"Suddenly, I feel like Indiana Jones!"

Next, the Ringmaster has the elephant jump off a hill onto Speed and his chums (even though, again, elephants can't jump), only for the elephant to wind up landing on top of the crocodile instead. It's a good thing Speed lives up to his name, otherwise he and his pals would've been stickers on a pachyderm's portly posterior.

"OH, GOD, MY SPINE! I'M IN SO MUCH PAIN RIGHT NOW!"

The Ringmaster sends the giraffe out after that, and by this point Speedy is starting to get tired. So they get the idea to hide under the giraffe's stomach. It doesn't work.

"Hey, that's a private area!"

They make it to the bridge... so I guess they're not off the island yet after all? Anyhow, the bridge is still up, but Speed has the ability to inflate his tires by holding his breath, allowing him to drive on water. "This looks like a job for my frog man!" the Ringmaster declares. Disappointingly, he doesn't mean an actual half-frog/half-human hybrid monster, which would've been pretty cool. He means the crocodile. Which is still cool, but "frog man" seems like a strange thing to call a crocodile.

The crocodile chases them back onto the island, and they decide to hide out in the circus tent... only for the giraffe to spot them anyway. The animals surround them inside, but Debbie gets another idea. If they can steal the Ringmaster's piccolo, maybe THEY can control the animals. But first, it's time for a chase scene with WHACKY SHENANIGANS!

As I've said before, walking across a tightrope is one thing I think you'd have to be crazy
to do. At least without a net or a million fluffy pillows underneath it.

Mark eventually manages to steal the flute... and promptly drops it. Speed Buggy drives over it, which somehow removes its ability to control the animals, as the Ringmaster discovers. Or at least it removes the RINGMASTER's ability to control the animals - Debbie is able to use it to control the elephant. Somehow. I have no idea how that thing works.

"We're fed up with working for peanuts! We demand a raise in pay or we'll maul you like
the wild animals we are!"

After he is subjected to more WHACKY SHENANIGANS, they manage to defeat the Ringmaster. And they even have enough time to finish the race! I guess the other racers were just standing around waiting for them to return to continue. How nice of them.

They manage to win the race, but it wasn't easy for Speedy - he had to tow all those circus wagons behind him. Inside those wagons are the Ringmaster, who's going to jail, and the animals, who are going to the zoo.

I like how nobody in the crowd seems at all confused by this.

What's the Verdict?

Speed Buggy is a fun show. Like most of Hanna-Barbera's work, it's so unapologetically goofy that it's hard not to enjoy it. And as far as Scooby-Doo clones go, it manages to stand on its own the most. Likely because instead of ghosts and monsters, the characters go up against crazy supervillains. Of the characters, it's Speed Buggy himself who I like the most, followed by Debbie. Mark and Tinker are good too, but the Fred and Shaggy similarities are pretty blatant. Debbie feels distinct enough from Daphne in a way that, say, April from The Funky Phantom doesn't. And she has a lot of great lines. But let's be honest, it's Speedy who we came to watch, and it's hard not to love him. He may very well be the cutest cartoon car I've ever seen. Plus, he's voiced by Mel Blanc, so he has that going for him too.

Of course, the show isn't flawless (what is?). The animation has several errors, but I've seen far worse. But as a whole, I think Speed Buggy is better than the internet gives it credit for and deserves better than to just get lumped in with other examples of Hanna-Barbera copying itself when the internet feels like taking the studio down a peg. And, honestly, even if a show was made to cash in on the success of another, extremely popular show, does that automatically make it bad? I mean, The Owl House was clearly greenlit to cash in on the success of Gravity Falls but a lot of people really like THAT show*!

If you'd like to watch Speed Buggy for yourself, you'll need either MeTV Toons or the show's DVD release. There aren't any full episodes on YouTube or the Internet Archive, and the only streaming services it's on are ones that I don't have.

Rating: Four needles in a wet haystack out of five. One of Hanna-Barbera's better 1970s cartoons.

* Please note that I consider The Owl House okay myself (I'm not a huge fan of it, but it's fine for what it is), but you can't deny that it was another show greenlit by Disney to cash in on the success of Gravity Falls. Granted, the shows themselves probably aren't THAT similar, but the whole "mysterious goings-on and magic stuff" premise, the wacky and quirky female lead, and the presence of Alex Hirsch as a character are certainly eyebrow-raising.

Let's Watch This: An Episode (or Two) of "My Goldfish Is Evil!"

NOTE: Please do not take any of the little nitpicks in this review (or any of my other reviews, for that matter) seriously. I write these reviews in the hopes of making people laugh. Those nitpicks are really just dumb little observations that I'm attempting to make jokes out of, not complaints that add to whether or not I like something.

NOTE #2: No disrespect is meant towards anyone who worked on the show I am reviewing today. I'm sure they are all very nice and talented people.

NOTE #3: If you like this show, that is great. Go ahead and like it. I'm not judging you.

This is another cartoon that I never saw on TV. Apparently, it only aired in the United States on a channel called MyFamily TV, and I don't know if we even HAD that channel. In its home country of Canada, it aired on CBC Television, premiering in September 2006 and receiving two seasons.

My Goldfish Is Evil! is the creation of a Mr. Nicolas J. Boisvert and produced by the Montreal-based animation studio Sardine Productions. The show focuses on an eleven-year-old boy named Beanie (voiced by Sonja Ball). He's got a problem: his pet goldfish, Admiral Bubbles (Stephane Blanchette), is an evil criminal mastermind who wants to take over the world. Every episode has the fish attempting some sort of diabolical plan, with Beanie the only one who can stop it. And whenever he tries to tell his mother, his friends, anyone else, they never believe him. And for some reason it never occurs to Beanie to just flush the stupid fish down the toilet, or feed him to a cat, or sell him to a sushi chef or something.

You can currently find episodes of My Goldfish Is Evil! on YouTube and Tubi. Is it a good show? Well, I could tell you now and save you the trouble of reading the review, but where'd be the fun in that? We're going to watch the third episode of the show, "School Trip to... Aquaworld!". This is My Goldfish Is Evil!.

Beanie's class is at an aquarium called Aquaworld. Beanie snuck Admiral Bubbles in with him so he can see how NORMAL fish act. It doesn't seem to be doing any good, and there's also the risk of the teacher finding out and getting mad because she specifically told Beanie NOT to bring his fish. Maybe it would have been easier for him to just show him some YouTube videos of fish at home.

Speaking of the teacher, she also hands out quizzes for the students to do as they're exploring the aquarium. Okay, what the heck? When I went on field trips, my teachers never made us to quizzes while we were there. When my first grade class went to see a stage adaptation of Junie B. Jones, we just watched the dang play. What kind of teacher IS this?

A clearly very unenthusiastic one, judging from the bored expression on her face.
She needs an "I Really Wish I Weren't Here Right Now" button.

She also tells everyone to partner up, meaning that Beanie has the chance to make a move on his crush, Nia (Alyson Wener). Alas, Beanie sucks at talking to girls, so he just winds up babbling like an idiot in front of her until this other girl named Desmonda snatches him up for herself.

Desmonda is literally just Helga Pataki. She's a tough girl who bullies Beanie but totally has a crush on him. They even have the same hairstyle!

"If we make her a brunette instead of a blonde, she'll be a COMPLETELY different
character than Helga, right?"

So once everyone is paired up, the class heads off to look at fish. But the teacher tells them to put their bags in the locker room, which throws a wrench into Beanie's "show my goldfish other fish so he'll stop misbehaving" plan. So he hides his backpack under his stomach, hoping nobody will notice that he's much fatter now.

Not that Admiral Bubbles is going to make it any easier. When they get to the octopus exhibit, he proceeds to sing an obnoxious song about how great fish are to alert the teacher of his presence.

He's lik an evil version of the fish from American Dad!.

Eventually, the teacher figures out that Beanie has his backpack and searches it for the fish. All she finds is an empty jar full of water, as kids are known to carry around in their backpacks. She tells Beanie to put his bag in the locker room, but as soon as Beanie walks out of the octopus-shaped building, he leaps off the lid of the jar and into a nearby pond. After scooping him back up, Beanie decides to keep Admiral Bubbles in his lunch bag - the teacher didn't say anything about THAT.

But Admiral Bubbles isn't done making Beanie's life harder. He manages to escape the jar AGAIN using only a banana peel (which he makes Beanie slip on) and hides out in a pond full of identical goldfish. Suggestion, Beanie: just leave him in there. He's the aquarium employees' problem now, not yours.

Get a new pet! A nice gecko or something!

But nope, instead of just walking away and leaving Admiral Bubbles in the pond, he presses a button that causes the light in the pond to dim and the fish to start glowing - some goldfish actually DO glow in the dark, but they're genetically modified - except for his. He scoops up Admiral Bubbles again and then joins his class at the stadium where the orcas perform.

Fun fact: most aquariums in the United States do not have orcas. If you want to see an orca in captivity but don't want to leave the country to do it, you'll have to go to SeaWorld. So don't ask me how THIS aquarium got its hands on an orca. Of course, it's a show about an evil talking goldfish, so why bring realism into it NOW?

I would make a joke about him rehearsing for Free Willy 5, but the fourth Free Willy
movie wasn't released until after this episode aired. So I guess he's rehearsing for THAT one
instead.

And then guess what? The goldfish escaped AGAIN. Okay, seriously? Who is this fish, Harry Houdini? Beanie's friend Elwood (Bruce "Binky Barnes" Dinsmore) suggests that maybe he was eaten by the orca, which means that Beanie is free.

Alas and alack, Admiral Bubbles WASN'T eaten by the orcas. No, no, the orcas are actually AFRAID of him. For some reason. Or maybe they're just distracted by that drain in the floor of their tank.

C'mon, just EAT the fish! It's the snack that smiles back!

After escaping the orca tank, Admiral Bubbles starts throwing starfish and sea urchins at the aquarium employees. Then he beats up some moray eels. Beanie figures out that his goldfish is still running amok and enlists the help of Nia and Elwood to find him, but Admiral Bubbles has another trick up his sleeve... or at least he would if he HAD sleeves. He traps Beanie's class and teacher in a "titanic tank" and starts filling it with water.

Dear lord, he's going to drown them! He's going to murder a bunch of kids and a grumpy teacher! I know this fish is evil, but now he's just crossing the line! Suddenly, I have a craving for seafood.

"And the best part is, since I'm a fish, I can't be tried for infantcide! Mwah-ha-ha-
ha-HAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Fortunately, Beanie has figured out what's going on and is swimming through the pipes in scuba gear to foil Admiral Bubbles' scheme. UNfortunately, Admiral Bubbles has enlisted the help of pirahnas to eat Beanie. Again, this is murder. You have officially joined the ranks of Ursula and Sheldon J. Plankton on the list of most vile sea creatures. I think even the octopus from Flipper & Lopaka would be horrified by this.

Beanie manages to get away from the pirahnas and orders Admiral Bubbles to tell him how to save his classmates from drowning, threatening to feed him to the pirahnas if he doesn't. The fish tells him to push the "Emergency Purge" button. Sure enough, the water drains out and the kids are saved.

I was expecting the episode to then have an aquarium employee walk in, assume that Beanie was the one who caused all this trouble, and punish him while Admiral Bubbles gets no comeuppance, because that's usually how these sorts of cartoons go, but thankfully they don't go that route. But Beanie still gets screwed over - basically, he tells the teacher everything that happened after he rejoins the class, and she doesn't believe him and gives him an "F". But then Nia points out he did fill out all the answers on the test, so she raises his grade to a "C". The episode ends with the class leaving the aquarium as it's revealed that Admiral Bubbles managed to free all the sea creatures inside.

Now, this is usually the part of the review where I give my verdict, but when I was posting this, I realized that it was a bit too short for my liking. Maybe you didn't notice, but I did. Do you know what THAT means? It means I'm gonna have to watch ANOTHER episode of this show to pad out the review some more! So, here's the sixth episode of the show, "Sweetheart's Dance!".

The episode starts off with Beanie running through town, dressed in a white tuxedo shirt and holding a bouqet of flowers, with Admiral Bubbles chasing after him in a flying fish tank that shoots lasers. Excuse me, waiter? I'd like to order some context, please.

Admiral Bubbles uses too much eyeliner.

Beanie eventually makes it into the school, where a dance is going on. There's only one other student in there: Nia, and she reveals that she knew Beanie's goldfish is evil all along. What a twist! But wait - how does she know? She pulls off her head to reveal that she's actually Admiral Bubbles in disguise!

I've heard of catfishing, but this is ridiculous.

I don't know if we're supposed to find this funny or creepy. I'm gonna go with the latter.

Then Beanie finds himself in a giant fish bowl. Admiral Bubbles, now gigantic, brags that he's going to keep him as a pet while he takes over the world. Of course, it's promptly revealed that this was all just a horrible nightmare Beanie is having.

Okay, Beanie, word of advice: if your pet is giving you nightmares, maybe you should, I don't know, GET RID OF IT? It's not like this fish is invincible, right?

Are those MUMMIES hanging from the ceiling? Two of Admiral Bubbles' former
victims, perhaps?

Beanie is stressed out for two reasons. One, the school dance is on its way, and he still hasn't found anyone to go with him. Two, Admiral Bubbles hasn't attempted to take over the world in a week, and that makes Beanie very suspicious. ESPECIALLY when his mother mentions something about him ordering a plastogenic thermonuclear device.

As it turns out, Admiral Bubbles ordered an H-Bomb kit. So, just ANYONE can just order kits that allow you to make your own H-Bomb? That seems like a really stupid idea. You're just ASKING for the entire planet to explode if that's your business model. But the mailman is so weirded-out by Beanie's claims that his goldfish is trying to take over the world and his mother hitting on him that he declares whoever ordered it will just have to pick it up at the post office because he's not lugging it upstairs.

At school, Beanie learns that Nia hasn't been invited to the dance yet either. He'd love to ask her, but again, he's too nervous to do so and just babbles like an idiot. Plus, she could turn out to be his goldfish in disguise. After Nia walks off, Helga... oh, I mean DESMONDA shows up and gives Beanie some poison oak and shoving him into a locker before saying she'll see him at the dance.

Ah, young love.

So, what is Admiral Bubbles going to do? He can't just walk into a post office and say he's the one who ordered the H-Bomb kit. Otherwise, people will discover that there's a talking goldfish, and he'll be dissected by scientists or something. To get around that, he builds a robotic human that he will control from inside. Then he hooks the robot up to the TV, which allows him to copy the personality of various TV show characters and transfer them into the robot.

Just be careful you don't switch to the Disney Channel, Admiral Bubbles. You'll wind up
with a robotic human who sings songs by Hannah Montana.

"I'm brilliant! I'd kiss myself, but I'd only make myself jealous!" Admiral Bubbles claims, a statement that makes absolutely no sense. He and his robot head off to the post office, but on the way there, the robot bumps into Beanie's mother... who thinks that he's super-fine.

Oh dear lord. Is this going where I think this is going? Is Admiral Bubbles going to start romancing Beanie's mother? IS BEANIE'S PET FISH GOING TO BECOME HIS DAD?

"You know, I've never noticed it before, but she IS very attractive for a female of
an entirely different species..."

Ee-yup. Admiral Bubbles decides to put his "build an H-Bomb and blow up the world" plan on hold just so he can mess with Beanie's life. Why am I watching a cartoon where a young boy's pet fish is wooing his owner's mother?

And for that matter, how long does he expect to keep this up? What if Beanie's mother wants to meet his parents? What THEN, Admiral Bubbles?

Beanie starts to become suspicious, and as soon as he finds a note next to the fish bowl telling him that his fish went fishing (apparently Admiral Bubbles has no problem catching and eating his own kind?), he figures out what's going on. But of course he's not gonna be able to convince his mother that she's literally being catfished. Okay, technically she's being GOLDfished, but you know what I mean...

Admiral Bubbles starts going on dates with Beanie's mother and volunteers Beanie to clean up dog crap at the park. Then Beanie figures out that somehow he can control what the robot says with the TV remote. What does he do with this information? Nothing. But he does attempt to stop Admiral Bubbles from picking up his H-Bomb at the post office, only for Admiral Bubbles to trap him in a convenient human-sized birdcage - but Beanie still manages to get to the post office before he does and has the H-Bomb kit shipped to Canada. Ha! In your smug orange face, you stupid fish!

So what does Admiral Bubbles do next? He convinces Beanie's mother to send Beanie to a boarding school. And because Beanie's mother is an idiot, she decides to do what this guy she just met one day ago suggests. Even though the pamphlet shows a kid CHAINED TO THEIR DESK. While they're visting the school, Admiral Bubbles finds out that they have a science lab and all of the things needed to build a bomb. Fortunately, Beanie manages to take a photo of Admiral Bubbles poking out of the robot and in the process of building the bomb.

Alas, this is not the series finale, so you know Beanie's not actually going to prove
that Admiral Bubbles is evil to anyone.

Instead of immediately running out the door after taking the photo before Admiral Bubbles has the chance to do anything, Beanie stands there and declares that he's going to offer it to a tabloid magazine for a million bucks. Admiral Bubbles declares that he won't get the chance, because when the bell rings, the sound will somehow make the bomb go off and blow the building sky high. Unless, of course, Beanie can find where the chute that he puts the bomb in goes before that. Then, with Beanie distracted, he destroys the photo. Yeah, yeah, act all smug NOW, but even assuming that you make it out of the building before the explosion, chances are you - or rather, the robot - will be dubbed a mad bomber and thrown in prison. Though I suppose he could always just slip out of the robot's head after he gets locked up... jeez, is there ANY way to defeat this fish?!

Well, Beanie doesn't find the bomb, but he manages to stop the bell from ringing. He's managed to save the school, but the stupid goldfish is still romancing his mother in a robot suit. Then Beanie remembers the TV remote thing and uses it to start making the robot spout nonsense and then demand that Beanie's mother make him dinner. Admiral Bubbles can't control the robot, and it makes the mom so angry that she dumps his tailfinned rump.

Okay, Beanie, you're holding the goldfish in your hands. Normally I don't approve of
violence towards fish, but in this case I'll make an exception. Squeeze the little pest
until it pops like a balloon. Either that, or flush it down the toilet.

You're probably thinking "Hey, wasn't this episode supposed to be about a school dance?" Well, the episode ends with Beanie going to the dance and having to get his groove on with Desmonda. Still better than having his fish as his stepdad, at least...

What's the Verdict?

This show sucks. I will say if nothing else that the first episode was better than the second. The second one gave me more joke material, but it was also much creepier and had Admiral Bubbles at his most obnoxious. Both episodes were crap, though. I can't think of anything I liked about this.

The characters? Meh. I really don't like characters who act smug and despicable but never get any comeuppance for it, so of course I'm not gonna like the fish. Let me compare him to the Brain from Pinky and the Brain. The Brain works because, first of all, despite him wanting to take over the world he's not really a villain, he says several times in the show that he wants to do it because he believes he could make the world a better place. Second, he never succeeds. His plans always fail. When he does something genuinely wrong, he gets punished for it. By contrast, you have this fish who's always one step ahead, always making things harder for the kid, and is practically unstoppable. There's a difference between a "love to hate" sort of character and a vile little pest who you want to punch in the face.

Not that the other characters are any better. Beanie is dull, his friends are equally dull, his mother is unlikable (I mean, I know your kid telling you that their pet goldfish is a supervillain is a pretty out there story, but the way she keeps putting him down gets on my nerves), the teacher is a total grouch, and Desmonda is little more than a blatant knockoff of Helga Pataki. None of the jokes are funny. The animation and voice acting are fine, but that's really the only nice thing I can say about the show. It's not even fun to mock. I was expecting a show with a title as absurd as My Goldfish Is Evil! to be at least fun to mock, but nope, it's just straight-up bad.

Rating: One and a half goldfish out of five. A show that flounders.

Here's a fun fact for you: TV Tropes claims that this show is Pinky, Elmyra and the Brain done right. However, I actually found this worse than that show. I mean, Pinky, Elmyra and the Brain is a bad show, but at least it didn't have the Brain putting the moves on Elmyra's mother.

Let's Watch This: An Episode of "The Mr. Peabody and Sherman Show"

NOTE: Please do not take any of the little nitpicks in this review (or any of my other reviews, for that matter) seriously. I write these reviews in the hopes of making people laugh. Those nitpicks are really just dumb little observations that I'm attempting to make jokes out of, not complaints that add to whether or not I like something.

NOTE #2: No disrespect is meant towards anyone who worked on the show I am reviewing today. I'm sure they are all very nice and talented people.

NOTE #3: If you like this show, that is great. Go ahead and like it. I'm not judging you.

All right, I know this is an unpopular opinion, so get ready to type insults in the comments section... I don't like DreamWorks' 2014 Mr. Peabody and Sherman movie.

Do I hate it? No! Do I think it's worth watching at least ONCE? Sure. Are there things I like about it? Of course. But there's a lot that keeps me from being a fan. I've already talked about how little I like Ty Burrell as Mr. Peabody (every time he talked, all I could hear was Phil Dunphy), but my main problem is that it takes itself very seriously, which I'm not sure something based on a segment from Rocky and Bullwinkle should do. You're taking a cartoon about a genius dog and his pet boy traveling through time and helping historical figures and playing it for drama? I don't think that EVER could have worked. Just so we're clear, I'm not saying that the film should be non-stop jokes and zany antics - the George of the Jungle movie is a goofy comedy that doesn't take itself seriously, but it still has heart. Mr. Peabody and Sherman prioritizes emotion over humor. And I'm honestly not sure what Mr. Peabody's character arc in the movie was even supposed to be... is it that he should be more open with affection or less overprotective of Sherman?

But I know a lot of people love the movie. The critics, in particular, were thrilled by it... which didn't stop the film from underperforming at the box office. But DreamWorks wasn't done with Mr. Peabody yet. Like most of DreamWorks' films in the 2010s, it got a Netflix show.

Serving as both a reboot of the original "Peabody's Improbable History" segments and a spin-off of the movie, the show was developed by David P. Smith and premiered on Netflix on October 9th, 2015. Unlike the movie, this show was 2D, with DHX Media providing the animation. Mr. Peabody was now voiced by Chris Parnell, but Max Charles reprised his role as Sherman. Most of the characters created for the movie that weren't in the original segments (Sherman's girlfriend, her parents, the evil social worker) don't show up. Like the original segments, Mr. Peabody and Sherman traveled through time and met historical figures, but now they also hosted a variety show with other historical figures serving as the guests.

Four seasons and a total of fifty-two episodes were produced. The show managed to snag two Annie Awards and a couple of Emmys as well. It has since been removed from Netflix, so if you want to watch it you either need a streaming service called Kidoodle.TV or go to the Internet Archive. I'll be using the latter. I know the chances of me liking a TV show based on a movie I don't like are pretty slim, but I can name several times I've liked a movie but hated the TV show it spawned (see also Kung Fu Panda: Legends of Awesomeness), so who knows? We're going to watch the third episode of the show. This is The Mr. Peabody and Sherman Show.

The episode starts off with Mr. Peabody and Sherman figure skating. They've invited the father of modern figure skating, Jackson Haines, to judge their routine.

Hey, Sherman, Elton John called. He wants his glasses back.

They do their fancy figure-skating routine, which culminates in Mr. Peabody falling through the ice because Sherman was taking care of his Tamagotchi instead of catching him. Remember the Tamagotchi? I think it's still a thing, but it's not quite as popular nowadays. I guess everyone realized that digital pets aren't as much fun as real pets. Even if digital pets don't poop on your carpet.

I never had a Tamagotchi. I think my older sister had one at some point, but I could
be wrong.

"Sherman, we've been over this. Having a pet is a HUGE responsibility," Mr. Peabody says. Plus, Sherman is already Mr. Peabody's pet... oh, wait, that was the ORIGINAL version of these characters, where the joke was that instead of a boy having a pet dog, it was a dog having a pet boy. The DreamWorks version of Mr. Peabody is Sherman's adopted father. How else would they be able to throw manufactured drama over Mr. Peabody not being a good father in our faces?

Next, it's time for the portion of the show where Mr. Peabody and Sherman actually do the time-traveling. But first, an appearance from Mrs. Hughes, their... secretary or whatever, who emerges from a giant venus flytrap with a portal in it? Yeah, I don't know either.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but could we please go back to the figure skating?

After that, Mr. Peabody tells us via flashback how he and Sherman met the explorer Marco Polo (voiced by Nolan North). You know who Marco Polo is, right? Venetian mechant and explorer, traveled the Silk Road in China, namesake of the popular pool game? THIS version of Marco Polo has a Brooklyn accent for some reason and is wandering around eating food from street vendors. You see, there's a legend that Marco Polo is the guy who brought noodles to Italy from China, so he's the reason we have spaghetti. This, from what I've read, is false - pasta already existed in the Mediterranean before he came around. I suppose I should complain about this show's not being historically accurate, but that seems kind of pointless for a show where a dog can talk and travel through time.

Eugh, those armpit hairs.

Instead of noodles, however, Marco Polo plans on bringing back... bok choy. Y'know, that food that's basically just cabbage. He doesn't even know what a noodle is. So Mr. Peabody and Sherman bring him to the most famous noodle shop in all of China. "Marco Polo don't put nothin' in his face that ain't got a face," Marco Polo claims. Even though about five minutes ago he was talking about how great bok choy is, and bok choy doesn't have a face either.

Will Mr. Peabody and Sherman get Marco Polo to eat noodles? We'll have to find out later, because Mr. Peabody interrupts the flashback to introduce the audience to Charles Darwin. He's brought with him a dodo bird, a quagga, and a woolly mammoth that looks more like Sidney the elephant from Terrytoons (if you don't know who that character is, look it up).

I've heard that scientists are actually trying to bring back the woolly mammoth.
You think they'll ever accomplish that?

Charles Darwin explains that these animals became extinct because they were all dumb as a rock. I'm doubtful. If being incredibly stupid is all it takes for an animal to go extinct, how come humans are still alive? Charles Darwin is also kind of a jerk, because he tosses the dodo into the air just to let it fall on its face (y'know, because he can't just say the dodo can't fly, nobody's gonna believe THE FATHER OF EVOLUTION on that). AND he wheels in an inflatable pool full of hot tar for the woolly mammoth to drown in. Fortunately, Sherman has taken a liking to the mammoth and he advises it not to take a dip. Ha! In your face, Darwin!

Did you know that woolly mammoths used their curved tusks to dig up the ground? Hey,
if I can't be funny, I think I should at least try to be educational.

Sherman begs Mr. Peabody to let him keep the mammoth, but Mr. Peabody says no. For one thing, it's hard to house-train a mammoth and he doesn't want to wake up one morning and find a mountain of crap on the living room rug. But also Mr. Peabody thinks HE'LL be the one walking him and feeding him and getting him chew toys. And those are all things SHERMAN should be doing for HIM. Y'know, since he's a dog.

"I tried, boy! But my... FATHER... doesn't approve of our LOVE!" Sherman tells the mammoth. Mr. Peabody, how could you be so cruel? Separating your son and the enormous prehistoric pachyderm that he's clearly formed a bond with? But Sherman is clever and simply HIDES the mammoth behind the set. And Mr. Peabody doesn't notice the mammoth's trunk peeking out from over the wall. So much for being the world's smartest dog.

I think Mr. Peabody needs new glasses if he can't see the literal elephant in the room.

It isn't until Sherman starts listing pet names that Mr. Peabody notices the mammoth's trunk and reveals the whole thing to the audience. And now, back to the Marco Polo story!

Apparently, Marco Polo's finickyness reminds Mr. Peabody of when Sherman was a baby and wouldn't eat his vegetables. He would simply read him a book about another finicky eater and Sherman would inhale the broccoli. For legal reasons, he can't read the book on this show, so he wrote his own: a parody of Green Eggs and Ham. Long story short, Marco Polo eats the noodles and loves 'em.

"And I will eat them on the go.
And I will eat them in the snow.
And I will eat them 'neath the sky.
And I will eat them in Shanghai.
And I will eat them in Beijing.
They are a most delicious thing!
And I will eat them with a yak.
And I will eat them as a snack.
And I'll eat them with grated cheese.
And with marinara sauce, please.
I'll take them back to Italy!
I like them, Mr. Peabody!"

So they go back to the noodle shop so Marco Polo can get the recipe, but the Chinese stereotype who runs the shop will only give it to them if they compete in three challenges. What are these three challenges? We'll have to find out later, because we cut back to Sherman and Mr. Peabody arguing over the mammoth. Their argument is interrupted by their downstairs neighbor and resident stereotypical sassy black woman, Christine (Da'Vine Joy Randolph), barging in and doing this with her dog:

"The mammoth needs to be in his own environment with the proper climate, the right kind of food, and familiar animals! The Ice Age!" Mr. Peabody says. After all, if they don't return him to the Ice Age, how will Disney be able to continue milking the franchise, even after they shut down the studio that made the films? Why, no, I'm not still bitter about that at all.

Then who should show up but ANOTHER stereotype. This time, it's an Indian swami riding a magic carpet.

Meanwhile, Christine is still French-kissing her dog.

Mr. Peabody tells the swami to help Sherman return the Woolly Mammoth to the Ice Age. Instead, Sherman turns the apartment into a winter wonderland, with saber-toothed tigers and giant beavers and even neandrethals walking around. How did he accomplish this? I don't know. I guess the implication is that the swami has some sort of mystical genie-like powers and can grant wishes.

All it needs is for Elsa to show up and start singing "Let It Go".

After that, we continue with the flashback. Everything turns into one of those martial arts movies where the lip-sync doesn't match up (which Sherman points out). Their first challenge is to walk across a floor comprised of the tops of large swaying noodles, holding a cup of water. And also the noodles are being boiled, but they're being cooked al dente which makes them both hard and soft... I'm just gonna take Mr. Peabody's word for it, I'm not a culinary expert. They manage to get across when Mr. Peabody uses one of the noodles to swing across the room.

The next challenge is for them to, while holding an egg and preventing it from cracking, fight "noodle warriors" wielding fortune cookies and eggroll nunchucks. I can't help but find this offensive. Did I turn on an episode of Chop Socky Chooks by mistake?

And why do the "noodle warriors" have purple skin? Did they eat Willy Wonka's gum
or something?

Sherman defeats the "noodle warriors" by eating their weapons. Challenge number three is for them to take a measuring cup full of flour to the middle of the room - after they've been spun around and the room is filled with flour. To solve THIS challenge, they invent the game "Marco Polo".

"Each challenge was a secret ingredient!" Mr. Peabody says, and thus Marco Polo learns how to make noodles, preventing the world from not knowing what rigatoni is. After the flashback, we see Mr. Peabody use his skating skillz from the beginning of the episode to save Sherman from a saber-toothed tiger cub. Or, rather, its mother.

Diego's girlfriend from the fourth and fifth Ice Age movies is mad she wasn't invited back
for Ice Age 6.

The mammoth saves them, and Mr. Peabody decides to let Sherman keep him after all. I'm guessing the mammoth doesn't show up in any of the following episodes. Which is too bad, because having a woolly mammoth around would make this show a lot cooler.

What's the Verdict?

This is a mixed bag of a show. On the one hand, it manages to avoid most of the problems that the movie has... namely, it doesn't take itself so seriously. The focus is entirely on the jokes. Downside: most of the jokes aren't funny. This is what the show considers a funny joke:

Being disgusting is not the same thing as being funny.

It doesn't help that Sherman is extremely Flanderized here. In the film, and the original segments, he was a normal little kid. He was not loud, obnoxious, and stupid - three words that I think best describe him here. Basically, he's been turned into Chowder (right down to the large appetite!). They even both frequently make over-the-top bizarre expressions for the sake of WACKINESS. I considered making screencaps of each one, but I didn't, so you'll just have to take my word for it.

The animation is pretty good, every so often there's a chuckle-worthy moment, and I much prefer Chris Parnell as Mr. Peabody to Ty Burrell (even if he still doesn't sound much like Bill Scott). If you enjoyed the movie, I'd say give the show a watch. If you liked the original segments but didn't care for the movie, I'd avoid it. It's hardly the WORST reboot of a Jay Ward cartoon, though. I think we all know what show THAT honor goes to...

Rating: Two and a half woolly mammoths out of five. You'll wish you could travel back in time and warn yourself not to watch it.