Let's Watch This: An Episode of "Street Sharks"

Time to talk about another one of those Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cash-ins that were commonplace in the 1990s.

Street Sharks premiered in 1994, the creation of David Siegel and Joe Gallani. What's it about? Well, there's this guy named Dr. Robert Bolton (voiced by D. Kevin Williams), and he's a university professor. He and his partner, Dr. Luther Paradigm (J. Michael Lee), create a machine known as the "gene-slammer" that can make sea animals anthropomorphic. But Dr. Paradigm wanted to use the machine for his eeeeeeeeeeeeevil plans, so he kidnaps Dr. Bolton and turns him into a m-m-m-m-monster, but he's able to escape. Dr. Bolton has four sons, and when they go searching for their father Dr. Paradigm decides to mutate THEM, too, because I guess he's just that sadistic. So he turns them all into anthropomorphic sharks. Thus, the titular Street Sharks were born - great white shark Ripster (Lee Tockar), hammerhead shark Jab (Matt Hill), tiger shark Streex (Andrew Ranells), and whale shark Big Slammu (also D. Kevin Williams). Dr. Paradigm constantly comes up with evil schemes to destroy the Street Sharks, and they in turn near-constantly foil said evil schemes. Also, the theme song rocks.

Soooooooo... is the show any good? Well, it managed to get three seasons, which is pretty impressive for a "lesser-known" cartoon. Most of the reviews of the show that I've seen on IMDB were positive (I only saw two negative ones). And clearly somebody who worked on Pinky and the Brain liked the show, seeing as one of the Street Sharks (specifically, a miscolored Jet) made a cameo in one episode. On the flip side, Robot Chicken did a less than flattering spoof of the show, but I guess that's par for the course.

Today, we'll be watching an episode of Street Sharks and see which side I fall on. Ready? Good! In today's edition of "Let's Watch This", let's watch the ninth episode, "Road Shark".

The episode begins with the sharks and their friend, killer whale mutant Moby Lick (I don't know who does his voice), playing video games. Jab wins one, then proceeds to shout "Jawsome!", which I guess is the sharks' equivalent of "Turtle power!". As it turns out, the games were invented by the sharks' friend Bends (Jim Hoggart), who then proceeds to show them this cool car that he invented. "Check out these wheels! Far-out, dude!" Moby Lick exclaims.

This is admittedly a small thing, but wouldn't calling the whale mutant "Moby Lick" make more sense if he were a WHITE whale mutant? I haven't read Moby Dick, but I'm pretty sure he wasn't an orca.

Then again, I'm pretty sure he wasn't a mutant either, so...

Ripster hops aboard his motorcycle and challenges Moby to a race. This results in about a minute of them racing around an abandoned stadium while the other sharks cheer them on. Not much to say about it.

Where's your helmet, Ripster?! Riding a motorcycle without a helmet is DANGEROUS!

Eventually they wind up running afoul of an oil slick. Moby winds up flying out of the stadium and Ripster is stuck slipping and sliding around. Meanwhile, some dude in a helicopter starts acting like a sports commentator. "Here comes the BIG ONE!" Slammu shouts (yeah, there are a lot of one-liners in this show) before slamming his fists onto the ground, which causes an earthquake which in turn causes Ripster to go flying off the motorcycle, but fortunately the other sharks catch him.

"Hey, dudes, isn't it kind of weird that we wear pants but don't bother to put on shirts?"

"Heeeeeeeeey, how'd you like my dismount, fellow Finsters?" Ripster asks the others. Apparently "Finsters" is what the sharks call themselves, but it just put this mental image in my head:

Bends saves Moby from crashing into a power plant, but his car isn't so lucky. The power plant explodes, no doubt plunging the entire city into a blackout because that's the way it usually works in cartoons. Once that's over, Bends shows Ripster a new motorcycle that he invented. It's apparently able to leap the Grand Canyon in a single bound. In response, Ripster spouts a bunch of 1990s slang, culminating in "FIN-TASTIC!"

"Fish are friends, NOT FOOD!"

But that's not all - Bends reveals that his video games actually transform into vehicles! The sharks then proceed to start throwing things at Streex just because he made a quip that his fin looks "jawsome". What the heck, guys? He understandably announces that he's outta there and leaves to go do some rollerblading in the sewers.

Meanwhile, at the evil lair of the evil Dr. Luther Paradigm, said evil doctor is telling his henchmen about this latest evil plan because he's evil. "Divide and conquer! That, my subservient seviants, is how we'll do it!" he boasts.

It's probably just the bulky suit, but... is it me, or is this guy's head about five sizes
too small for his body?

Here are said henchmen. The drill-nosed fish mutant guy's name is Slash (Terry Berner), and the giant crustacean dude's name is Slobster (D. Kevin Williams). Methinks that they're basically the Bebop and Rocksteady of the show. Why does Slash have a drill for a nose? Is there a rare drill-nosed fish that I don't know about?

Why not make him a sawfish? That's an actual fish with something that could
hypothetically be used as a weapon for a nose.

Anyhow, Dr. Paradigm's evil plan is to split up the sharks and then incarcerate them in... a truck. His evil plan is to trap them in a truck. Y'know, call me crazy, but I think the sharks could easily free themselves from a truck. Even if it's made of reinforced steel or whatever, they look pretty strong. They could probably just bite through it, if nothing else.

Oh, and say hello to another one of Dr. Paradigm's henchmen, the evil squid mutant fella Killamari (D. Kevin Williams again). Get it? It's like calamari, which is made from octopus, but it's Killamari 'cause he's a villain? Puns.

I wish he'd put some pants on.

Okay, so as it turns out Dr. Paradigm's plan is a bit more well though-out... there are cells inside the truck made of "arcabium carbon steel" or something like that - impossible for a shark to bite through, heh heh heh…

The bad guys drive off in their green Optimus Prime, and then we cut to Streex about to ski/rollerblade down a roller coaster track. So how much is anybody else willing to bet that he's gonna be the first shark to get captured?

Wait, are those roller skates or ice skates that he's wearing?

As he's skiing, he saves a little girl from getting run over by the truck that the bad guys are riding in, alerting them to his presence. They attack, but as he's brawling with them Streex calls up the other sharks on his phone and tells them that he needs their help. "We're bookin', boys!" Ripster shouts, hopping aboard his motorcycle. Off they head through the sewers in their vehicles, shouting things like "SHARK ATTAAAAAAAAACK!" and "FEEDING FRENZY!" and other things that I'm sure the writers were hoping would become popular catchphrases.

Meanwhile, the bad guys have caught Streex in... a net.

"Oh, no! It's one of those Anti-Ninja Turtle Knockoff Nets that I've heard so much
about! What are the odds?!"

But that turns out to be a dumb idea, as he simply tears through the net with his sharp shark teeth. We get some more brawling, but Killamari manages to take Streex down with the venom-filled arrows that he can shoot out of his hands. "Don't worry, shark..." Dr. Paradigm says as Slash and Slobbster load the shark into the truck. "The fun's just begun for you. Once you're strapped down in my lab, I'll genetically reprogram you from a STREET Shark to a SLAVE Shark..."

The other sharks don't show up until after the truck has driven away (some vehicles Bends whipped up for them if they apparently move very, very slowly), but fortunately Jet spots the truck overhead and they follow it. Dr. Paradigm tries to lose the sharks, but fails. So he tells his henchmen to take them down, but the sharks easily defeat them while spouting more one-liners. I haven't even MENTIONED half of the one-liners in this show.

"You're under arrest for shark-napping and for being a generic cartoon supervillain!"

Eventually, the computer in the truck that apparently controls it starts to malfunction. The result - the truck starts sending cars in its way flying as Dr. Paradigm's voice becomes higher and his face starts to become more and more fish-like for some reason.

Yeeeeeeeesh, is he turning into the octopus from Flipper and Lopaka?

Dr. Paradigm decides to eject himself from the truck while Ripster hops into the driver seat of the truck to rescue Streex. Meanwhile, Moby is fighting Killamari. It's kind of like a live show at SeaWorld, except Shamu is on steroids.

And also, you're on acid. Lots and lots of acid.

With Slammu's help, Moby is able to take down the squid mutant. But then Slash and Slobbster try to send a billboard crashing down onto them, but Slammu foils that plan and then Moby sprays them with water. Ya ever notice that Slash and Slobbster suck at being henchmen? Like, I think even Scratch and Grounder would be slapping their foreheads at their incompetence right now.

Eventually the truck arrives at some train tracks, but Jet is able to grab it with the hook from his... flying vehicle of some sort, preventing it from going out of control anymore. But in cartoons, where there are train tracks there are likely also to be trains, and sure enough...

Ee-yup.

Fortunately, Jet manages to reroute the train before the episode can go all Mr. Toad's Wild Ride on us. Ripster tries to bite through the bars of Streex's cell, but is unable to. Thus, he tells Jet to lead Moby and Slammu over to the truck ASAP. Once he does, Moby and Slammu are able to ram the truck off the train tracks. But alas, Dr. Paradigm shows up again in his helicopter and clamps a grappling hook onto the truck. Jet fires a laser at the back of the truck, popping it open like a soda can, as Streex finally comes to. They and Ripster escape the truck just as it goes flying off a cliff - taking Dr. Paradigm with it - and explodes.

Back at the shark's headquarters, Moby hops aboard the motorcycle and announces that it's time to jet. As he drives off, Jet says, "There goes one whale of a guy! JAWESOME!" Then they all start laughing despite the fact that what Jet said wasn't funny. The end.

WHAT'S THE VERDICT?

I really didn't know what to expect with Street Sharks, but, honestly, it's another one that I'm gonna put in the "okay" category. Yes, it's incredibly cheesy. And yes, it's a huge Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cash-grab. But it's got cool character designs, good animation, great voice acting (well, except for whoever voiced the little girl... no offense towards her, but an actress she is not) and it manages to be genuinely compelling. Plus, it's got crime-fighting sharks. CRIME-FIGHTING SHARKS. How can you not like a cartoon that has CRIME-FIGHTING SHARKS in it?

As far as Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles wannabes go, I didn't find it quite as good as Road Rovers or Wild West C.O.W.-Boys of Moo Mesa, but if you like those shows I wouldn't say no to giving Street Sharks a watch. If you want to watch it, the whole show has been uploaded to YouTube.

You know, with how popular the Ninja Turtles still are, I'm surprised that nobody's ever tried to reboot any of these shows made to cash in on it, as many of them were surprisingly better than expected.

Then again, knowing today's producers they'd likely bring Street Sharks back by making a live action film adaptation of it starring really ugly-looking CGI sharks voiced by whatever celebrities are popular at the moment. Don't tell me they wouldn't do that. They totally would.