Let's Watch This: "The Scarecrow" (2000)

Y'all remember Richard Rich, right? The producer of Alpha and Omega? Director of The Trumpet of the Swan, The Swan Princess, and The Fox and the Hound? Well, today we're looking at another film that he had a hand in. A direct-to-video film called The Scarecrow.

The Scarecrow was released on August 22nd, 2000. It was based on a story called "Feathertop" by Nigel Hawthorne and its stage adaptation, The Scarecrow, by Percy MacKae. Richard Rich was the co-director, the other co-director being Brian Nissen, who'd previously worked with Richard Rich as a writer on The Swan Princess. The distributors? Warner Bros., who were apparently still desperate to cash in on the success of the Disney Renaissance. According to IMDB, this film was originally supposed to be released in theaters, but then that animated adaptation of The King and I flopped and they decided against it.

This is a pretty obscure movie. The fact that it apparently never got a DVD release certainly doesn't help. There are eighteen reviews of the film on IMDB, some good and some bad. I've never seen the movie before so I don't know what side I'll wind up on. But have obscure animated film, will review. Unless it's something that a lot of people have already reviewed, like Foodfight!. I don't think there's anything I can say about it that hasn't already been said by now. But enough yammering, let's watch The Scarecrow.

The film begins with what I assume is the first of many unfunny jokes that this film will throw at us - a witch voiced by an Edie McClurg soundalike (somebody named Christie Albers who doesn't appear to have any other acting credits... or any information about them online at all, for that matter) walks into a nondescript room, establishes herself as the film's narrator with her back turned to the screen, and then realizes that she's facing the wrong way. Nyuck nyuck nyuck.

Apologies for the crummy quality of the screencaps. I couldn't find a higher-quality
version of the movie online.

After that unfunny joke, Winsome Witch here explains to us that she was assigned to a little village called Grisham Heights.

That witch is staring into your soul, and it's creeping me out.

The witch establishes that she's a GOOD witch, not a BAD witch, and shows us her little hut where she lives with her sentient broomstick, Bristles. She is visited by an orphan girl named Polly, who saves all the pennies she finds under the scarecrow in the witch's yard so she can eventually buy her way out of that awful workhouse mill.

Lovely place, isn't it?

The workhouse mill is where you go if you're an orphan or just poor in Grisham Heights. You have to slave away all day making dance stuff (tights, tutus, shoes, what have you) for nothing and the only way out is if you pay the magistrate thirteen pieces of silver. The mill is owned by Count Grisham (voiced by Ray Porter), the most famous dancer in the colonies. Of course, that's because he had the best dance teacher in the colonies - the witch. She ran a dance studio. Apparently witches are just really, really good at dancing. Who knew?

But nobody knew that she was a witch until Grisham found her book of magic spells.

Once you read ONE Harry Potter book, you can't stop reading 'em. They're surprisingly
addictive.

The witch made a run for it, leaving town so that she wouldn't get the ol' "dunk 'em in the water" treatment that they gave witches in those days. But it gets so lonely going into hiding with only a magic broom for company, so one day she decided to bring her scarecrow to life.

And as a side effect of that spell, the little mouse who lives in the Scarecrow's pocket gains the ability of speech. And it has a Brooklyn accent, too. Quite a spell, isn't it?

"I knew I shoulda moved in with my cousin Templeton. I hear he's got a sweet deal
livin' with that pig and the spider..."

The scarecrow (Shawn A. Hoffman) is all excited about the multiple things he can do now that he's alive. He can run through the cornfield. He can throw. He can talk to that Polly girl... oh, wait. The witch tells him that he can't act all alive when there are humans around. If he does, they'll freak out over the fact that there's, y'know, a living scarecrow and from there likely figure out that there's a witch living nearby. But at least he can learn how to dance, even if his dance partner is a sentient broomstick.

Y'know, there being a sentient broomstick makes me realize that I should make some sort of reference to Fantasia, but I can't think of anything funny.

The scarecrow should really stop letting the witch set him up on blind dates.

Okay, I should probably mention the actual names of the characters right now - the witch's name is Ms. Bee Bee. Which sounds more like the name you give a cereal mascot than a witch. The mouse's name is Max (and he's voiced by Corey Feldman). And the scarecrow's name is... Scarecrow. Very creative.

Well, anyway, soon Scarecrow is the best dancer ever, and he likes to prance around in locations you might have seen before in My Little Pony cartoons.

There's way too much pink in this screencap.

Eventually, Ms. Bee Bee realizes that Scarecrow has fallen in love with Polly, and she knows that if he comes to life around her, she'll freak out and run into town screaming about witchcraft, and then Grisham will find her. So she decides to get the heck out of there, leaving Scarecrow, Bristles, and Max to fend for themselves.

As for Polly (Belinda Montgomery), six years after she first started collecting silver and burying it by the scarecrow's feet, three more orphans - Cooper (Prince Davidson), Farley (Scotty Leavenworth), and Gretchen (Chelsea Parnell) - showed up at the mill and she couldn't bear to leave them. But she whips up a quilt that she can sell, which will give them the last few pennies they need to get the heck out of that mill. However, first she'll have to get their boss, a fat grouchy guy named Cheswick (somebody named Paul Masonson), to agree to let her go down to the market to sell that quilt.

I really hope there's some Laser-Guided Karma coming this guy's way at some point
in the movie...

The mill workers all sing a strangely cheery song about how they're slaves. Yes, our first musical number is about slavery. Cheswick's got a whip and everything. My question is, why don't the mill workers all just gang up on Cheswick and beat the crap out of him? They've got him completely outnumbered, and I doubt he'd put up much of a fight what with him being a fat dumpy guy and all.

Also, there's a gag here about how Cheswick's stomach is sentient. It's just as weird as it sounds. And at the moment, his sentient stomach wants sausage, so he sends Polly out to get some. Which allows her to head down to the market and sell that quilt, ripping off Belle from Beauty and the Beast as she does so.

"I want adventure in the great, wide somewheeeeeeeeeeeeeere..."

So as she heads through town, we learn that EVERYONE who lives in Grisham Heights hates Count Grisham. Again, if that's the case then why don't you just revolt? You're an entire town, and he's just one guy! All you have to do is whack him over the head with something and somehow get him as far away from your town as possible. Surely it can't be THAT hard...

Polly manages to sell the quilt and finally get that piece of silver she and the orphans need to get out of the mill. Once she returns to the mill, one of Grisham's servants, Wooden (David Llewellyn), shows up to take her to Grisham's mansion. It's here that we get some more exposition - Count Grisham totally has the hots for Polly, but she would rather eat hot coals than marry him. But when Wooden says that he's willing to make it worth Polly's while "for the children", she decides to pay Grisham another visit.

Cut to Grisham's mansion. He's hoping to use one of the love spells he learned from Ms. Bee Bee to make Polly fall head over heels in love with him. But first, he has to test it out on his maid.

Meh, still a better love story than Bee Movie...

It's also here that we learn Count Grisham is a gigantic narcissist, because he has a million mirrors in one room allowing him to look at his reflection everywhere he turns. I think even Gaston would be rolling his eyes at this.

Seriously, who owns this many mirrors?

Grisham tells Polly that if she marries him, he'll let the orphans whose names he doesn't remember live with them in his mansion, where they'll have all the comforts of home. But then he spots the penny she received from that quilt she sold, and that makes him MAD. He knows that if she gets enough money, she'll be able to buy her way out of the mill. It sure is a good thing he's in cahoots with the crooked guy who runs the mill, so he can tell him to find the money and destroy it.

We cut to Cheswick searching Polly's room for the money, and he actually says "Show me the money!". Twice. Yes, it's a reference to Jerry Maguire. Because, hey, it exists, right? But Polly and the orphans manage to get him out of their hair by flattering him. Now all Polly has to do is sneak out to where the scarecrow is and put the penny with the others she's saved up. Unfortunately, Cheswick spots her in the act and sneaks out after her with his dog.

Meanwhile, Scarecrow - remember him? He's still in this movie - is singing an awful song. When he, Max, and Bristles see Polly approaching, Scarecrow says that tonight he's actually going to talk to her. What's the worst that could happen?

Well, actually, I've made a list of the worst that could happen. In no particular order, they are...

1) She could think that she's hallucinating the talking scarecrow and has gone insane
2) Even if she doesn't, if she goes through town telling everyone about a talking scarecrow then THEY could think that she's gone insane and have her thrown in a mental asylum
3) Even if they don't, they could come to the conclusion that the scarecrow is possessed by a demon or an evil spirit and call an exorcist
4) Or they could just set the scarecrow on fire to chase out the demon or evil spirit
5) Somebody could eventually make a really, really dull animated movie about the scarecrow starring Corey Feldman as the voice of the mouse

Max is awfully big for a mouse, isn't he?

Okay, so Polly shows up to add the coin to the other fifty-two - which, if my math is right, should be enough to get her and the three orphans out of the mill. Little does she know that Cheswick and his dog are spying on her, and as soon as she leaves, they head over and dig up the coins. Now they can destroy the coins, and Polly and the orphans will be stuck working at his mill FOREVER, heh-heh-heh...

But Scarecrow ain't having none of that, and after a brief struggle he punches Cheswick in the face. Bristles whoops the dog, and then Scarecrow actually talks to Cheswick. "You don't want this jar..." he says, "Because I am ONE. BAD. SCARECROW!" I have to admit, this scene is pretty awesome.

"Let's just say there's a reason why they make so many horror movies starring scarecrows..."

Cheswick runs off screaming, and then Scarecrow starts speaking in cringe-worthy modern slang. "Way to rap some skull, Brist!" he says. "You're bad, too, baby! Gimme some wood!"

Before you all put your minds in the gutter, I should remind you that Bristles is a broom and ergo is made of wood. Ergo, "Gimme some wood" actually means "Give me a high-five" (like how some people say "Gimme some skin").

Max points out that soon the townsfolk are going to be coming Scarecrow's way with torches now that they know there's a living scarecrow... actually, maybe they can use this to their advantage. Just have the Scarecrow go up to Grisham and do a repeat of his "I am ONE. BAD. SCARECROW!" act. Grisham will then wet his pants and run out of town never to return. Problem solved! Heck, why doesn't Max just scurry up to Grisham and tell him to leave town and never return? Surely he'd be just as freaked out by a talking mouse as he'd be a living scarecrow...

Anyhow, Scarecrow decides that since Polly's money isn't safe there, he'll just sneak into town and give it to her. But first, he's going to sing about how much he loves her but there's no way he can actually be with her because he's a scarecrow. Actually, all jokes aside, the song isn't that bad.

"Craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawling in my burlaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap..."

So, as Scarecrow, Max, and Bristles are heading into town, we cut to Cheswick telling Grisham about the scary talking scarecrow he encountered. Unsurprisingly, he doesn't believe him and has him dragged out of the room, presumably to be thrown in the local insane asylum.

How will Grisham get his hands on Polly's money now? Easy - he'll have his pet bird of I have no idea what species find it. What is it with animated movie villains having pet birds? Jafar, Maleficent, Shan-Yu, this guy... I suppose the smuggler guy from Rio could count too even though his pet bird was the film's main villain? Are birds really that evil? Did that Alfred Hitchcock film just do a lot of damage to their reputation?

Also, this is a small thing, but why is the bird brown on the VHS cover when he's
magenta in the movie?

Scarecrow has Bristles deliver the money outside Polly's window, but he forgets the whole "tap on the window to let her know that the money's there" part of the plan upon seeing another broom. Dang it, Bristles, you had ONE JOB!

So Scarecrow just throws a rock at the window. It works, Polly opens the window... for a second, and then closes it without seeing the money. Wah wah wah wah wah. And just to add insult to injury, then the magenta-plumed bird shows up and snatches up the money. And just to add even MORE insult to insult to injury, Cheswick shows up with his dog to do some scarecrow-chasing. After getting away, Scarecrow says that they have to get Polly's money back. Max's response? "Two words, Scarecrow - TI-TANIC!"

Okay, wait, wait, wait. Hold on. When exactly does this movie take place? I don't think it's ever straight-up stated, but according to Wikipedia, the original story took place in the seventeenth century. The Titanic sank in 1912. How the heck does a mouse in the seventeenth century know about something that occurred in the 1910s? What, is he a time-traveling mouse?

Then Max spots Cheswick coming their way with a torch. Scarecrow suggests that maybe if he were to disguise himself as a totally normal human being, he could get a job in town. "Who am I, Max Factor?!" Max snarks. I had to look this one up - apparently, Max Factor is a cosmetics company that was founded in 1909. Again, how the heck does a mouse in the seventeenth century know about something that wouldn't exist for years after the events of this movie?

Scarecrow wishes that he were human. Fortunately, a Deus Ex Machina shows up in the form of a magic flying feather.

That doubles as a projector, apparently.

The magic screen that the feather conjures up contains the blurry image of Ms. Bee Bee, who explains that the feather appeared because he made a powerful wish. He just has to put the feather in his hat, which will give him the appearance of being human. He won't really be human, of course, it'll just be an illusion, but eh, it's good enough. So he does that and turns into this guy:

Why does the human version of Scarecrow not look anything like him? They couldn't have at least given him the same hair color?

Well, anyway, Cheswick barges in and finds NOT the talking scarecrow but this guy who claims to be named Master Feathertop. Cheswick and the dog figure out that this guy is the scarecrow and that he can become human, as magic talking scarecrows are known to do. But predictably, Grisham's guards don't believe his claims, so they drag Cheswick off to the mental asylum.

So now all Scarecrow has to do is walk up to Polly and introduce himself. But there are two problems with this... one, he has to keep his hat on. The second he takes it off, he turns back into a scarecrow. Two, his reflection in the mirror is that of his scarecrow self, not his human self.

I wonder if Grisham's having a million mirrors in one room will be a problem for Scarecrow
at some point in this movie...

Scarecrow tells Bristles to keep Cheswick away (which likely shouldn't be too hard if I'm correct about his being thrown in the loony bin) and Max to make sure the feather stays in his hat. And then they're off to get the money back - but what's this? The hologram returns, allowing Ms. Bee Bee to say that real life will only be Scarecrow's when he's willing to give his life for another.

And now, back to Grisham! He's got the money and he's ecstatic that now Polly won't be able to stop him from getting what he wants. Meanwhile, Cheswick is forcing Polly and the orphans to scrub the floors... wait a minute, you mean he STILL wasn't thrown in the mental asylum?!

Jut then, Polly and the orphans hear music coming from outside. Going to the window, they see Scarecrow... uh, I mean, Master Feathertop dancing around and drawing a crowd. His plan to get the money back? Dress Max in drag and have him dance for the townsfolk. Again, there's an easier solution to your problem, Scarecrow...

STEP 1) Locate Grisham's mansion

STEP 2) Go inside and find Grisham

STEP 3) Take off your hat, revealing yourself to be a living scarecrow

STEP 4) Do a repeat of your "I am ONE. BAD. SCARECROW!" act for him

STEP 5) Watch as he runs out of the mansion terrified out of his wits

STEP 6) Return the money to Polly

STEP 7) Scare off Cheswick while you're at it

I mean, it's not exactly rocket science.

Can't you at least stick some dynamite in Cheswick's pants or something?

Come to think of it, did they even HAVE dynamite in the seventeenth century?

Wooden (who the heck names their kid that?) shows up with an announcement: Grisham is having a dance contest and the prize for first place is fifty-two pieces of silver, hintidy-hint-hint-hint. There's only one rule: couples only. Each person must have a partner. So Scarecrow/Master Feathertop asks Polly to be his partner. Only problem is, Polly can't dance. But Scarecrow can teach her how.

I can't think of a funny caption to make about this screencap, so instead, here's a scarecrow
joke: what does a scarecrow drink with?



His straw. Get it?

Max steals the feather so Scarecrow can't get into any more shenanigans. Gee, I sure hope Cheswick isn't around to see the sentient scarecrow running around... oh, look. He is. And he's figured out that the feather allows the scarecrow to disguise himself as a human. Fortunately, Bristles makes sure that Cheswick and his dog are the victims of WHACKY SHENANIGANS.

That evening, Scarecrow/Feathertop teaches Polly how to dance, allowing them to perform the mandatory Animated Movie Made to Cash In On the Success of the Disney Renaissance Romantic Duet That Tries Desperately to Be "A Whole New World" or "Can You Feel the Love Tonight" But Fails: y'know, the film's equivalent to "Far Longer Than Forever" from The Swan Princess or that one song from Quest For Camelot.

The romantic mood is eventually spoiled by Grisham showing up to ask Polly to the dance. Also, he now has dark gray hair when in earlier scenes, it was brown. Polly tells him that she's going with Feathertop, so he angrily goes, "Well, that's GREAT! You kids are gonna have the time of your LIFE! We're gonna have MUSIC! And... PUNCH! And lots of CRACKERS with those little cheesy SWIRLS ON 'EM! ALL RIGHT! OHHHHHHHHH-KAY THEN! We'll SEE YOU THERE!" I love the way Ray Porter is delivering his lines here.

"And by the way, 'Feathertop' is a STUPID NAME!"

Grisham sends his guards after Scarecrow/Feathertop, and as he's trying to get away his feather is stolen by... oy, it's Cheswick again. I've really had enough of this guy. Fortunately, Bristles manages to get rid of Annoying Comic Relief Villain and his dog. Again. This part of the movie is extremely formulaic. Cheswick tries to expose Scarecrow, Bristles subjects him and his dog to WHACKY SHENANIGANS, lather, rinse, repeat.

Scarecrow escapes into the mill, but eventually winds up in Grisham's clutches. "I SUGGEST... you leave TOWN... FEATHERDUSTER!" Grisham snaps. "Unless, of course, you'd rather DIE!" And then...

...we cut to the dance contest. Wait, what did Grisham do with Scarecrow? We're not gonna follow up on that?

I like this gag with Grisham giving out mugs with his face on them.

Everybody dances to a FUN-KAY song that sounds really out of place in a film taking place in the seventeenth century. When Feathertop doesn't show up, Polly decides to dance with Grisham because he promised her all fifty-two pieces of silver if they win, allowing Grisham to try out that magic dance that makes whoever he's dancing with fall in love with him on her. But then Feathertop finally DOES show up! What took him so long?

Feathertop and Polly do a bunch of dances that I'm pretty sure weren't invented until after the seventeenth century, then Wooden rewards them with the fifty-two pieces of silver. Then they decide to get married! Even though they've only known each other for, what, two days?

Feathertop is whisked back to the mansion by Grisham's goons, where Grisham chews him out for humiliating "the greatest dancer in the Milky Way". "YOU! With all your SILLY LITTLE TWITCHY, GOOFY, JIVY, HIP-HOP TRASH!" he rants. "You should've left town per my suggestion, FeatherCHUMP!" And his anger only increases when he finds out that Feathertop and Polly are getting MARRIED. "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?! TAKE A LOOK! LOOK AT ME!" he shouts, pulling a rope that lifts up all the curtains covering the thousands of mirrors surrounding the room. Uh oh, is this the part where he figures out that Feathertop = sentient scarecrow?

"Boy, this is the worst Hall of Mirrors ever."

Yep. It's the part where he figures out that Feathertop = sentient scarecrow all right. And he goes into hysterics upon finding that out. AND he figures out that Ms. Bee Bee had something to do with it as Feathertop/Scarecrow runs out of the mansion. So he commands his bird to get the feather, which he does.

Pictured: the most entertaining character in the movie.

I love how Grisham isn't at all freaked out by the fact that there's a sentient scarecrow running around. Must be because he already knows that there's a witch.

The next day, while Polly is waiting in the chapel for the wedding to begin, Scarecrow is being tied to a stake by Grisham, who uses the feather to disguise himself as Feathertop. He brags that he's going to marry her, and then send her and the orphans straight back to the workhouse mill. And just to make sure Scarecrow won't escape and stop his evil plan, he starts a fire around the field.

"How about a little fire, Scarecrow?!"

Fortunately, Bristles and Max spot the smoke and fly in to save his life. He sends them to deal with Grisham... and doesn't go with them for whatever reason? Maybe he's too heavy for the broom to carry? Then again, if he's stuffed with straw how heavy could he be? Well, anyhow, Max flies off on Bristles to I guess snatch the feather, but that pesky bird shows up to make things harder for them. It takes about a minute, but they're finally to take the bird out with the help of Mr. Bell.

PWNED! People still say that, right?

Max snatches the feather just as Grisham is walking into the chapel, and as a result he doesn't look like Feathertop anymore. But he's still all "Marry me!" and Polly is all "NO WAY!" and then Grisham tells the magistrate to marry them anyway but he refuses. Meanwhile, Max rushes the feather back to Scarecrow, who I guess managed to escape the flames, and tells him that Polly is free. "You're a scarecrow. And you'll always BE a scarecrow," the mouse insists. "You have to let her go."

So Scarecrow walks off all sad, and meanwhile, back at the mansion, Grisham is having a temper tantrum. "I'm gonna do a BAD, BAD THING!" he roars. By that point, even Wooden decides to make a run for it. He heads straight for the mill, where he tells Polly and the orphans that Grisham has gone cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs and that they're in terrible danger if they stay in town. Fortunately, Bristles overheard Grisham's plotting and fills Scarecrow/Feathertop in as to what's going on.

And what is Grisham's plan? Well, the bridge is the only way out of town, so of course if Polly wants to leave town she'll have to cross it. Thus, he has his goons take apart the bridge... while he's still standing on it. I think by this point he's just too crazy to realize that might not be such a great idea. I mean, at one point he actually does a little dance on the bridge and shouts "SHIVER ME TIMBERS!". He's clearly insane by this point.

Maybe The King and I would've been more successful if the bad guy had been as much fun
as this one.

Scarecrow/Feathertop shows up and tries to keep the bridge from suffering the same fate as that one in London, but Grisham isn't having that and they get into a brawl. Eventually, Grisham winds up falling to his doom, and thanks to Feathertop, Polly and the kids make it across the bridge. But it seems as though Scarecrow/Feathertop didn't survive the bridge's destruction.

Oh, of COURSE he's alive. He, Max and Bristles manage to climb out of the canyon where Polly and the kids are waiting. And he's trying to tell her that he's actually not human, but then Polly points out that he forgot his feather. Y'know, the feather that allows him to look human? Now, tell me, what does Scarecrow/Feathertop look like in this screencap - a scarecrow or a human?

Just look at the goofy expression on his face. Hello, new potential meme.

When Scarecrow takes off his hat, he's still human. So now he's free to marry Polly without that whole "actually being a scarecrow" thing get in the way. Remember what Ms. Bee Bee said earlier about how real life will only be Scarecrow's when he's willing to give his life for another?

A magic wave spreads through the town of Grisham Heights, turning it into... Swingtown. Kind of a dumb name.

Swing music was invented in the 1920s. Doesn't this movie take place in... ah, the heck with it.

Everybody dances awkwardly to swing music, Ms. Bee Bee brings another broom to life so Bristles can have a girlfriend, and Cheswick (ugh) makes one more attempt to snatch that feather... which Feathertop doesn't need anymore, thus making him look like even more of a crazy person. Hopefully he's finally gonna be thrown in that insane asylum.

What's the Verdict?

This is a mixed bag of a film. It started off pretty dull, but after Scarecrow gets his hands on that magic feather things get more interesting. There are some decent songs, the animation is decent, and the voice actors all do a fine job. Grisham is fun to watch, too. He's not a particularly interesting villain, but they actually give him some funny lines and he delivers them in such an over-the-top way that it's hard not to laugh at least once when he's onscreen. He's like the animated version of the villain from Warriors of Virtue.

I wouldn't say this is one of the best animated films ever, but I wouldn't go so far as to say it's BAD. I'm sure kids would like it fine. I wouldn't expect anything Disney-quality, though.

And since scarecrows are kind of Halloween-related, I'm qualifying this as a Halloween review. My next review will be of something that actually takes place on (or at least around) Halloween, I promise.

Further reading:
- The Media Baron's review of the film