Let's Watch This: "Scared Shrekless" (2010)

Can you believe that it's been more than twenty years since the first Shrek was released?

I've already talked about the big green ogre a few times on my blog before. There once was a time when this franchise ruled the world. You couldn't go into a toy store without seeing Shrek merchandise. If it was 2004 or 2007, it'd be difficult not to find at least one thing in your local A&P that didn't have him or Donkey on the packaging. Trailers for upcoming DreamWorks movies like Shark Tale and Madagascar would proudly boast that they were from the same studio that brought you Shrek.

And then Shrek the Third came out. And... well, I'll let some quotes from critics sum it up for me...

"The film has little new to offer and the trailers show most of the funny moments." - Scott Chitwood of comingsoon.net

"Shrek the Third isn't awful, but it's bland, with a barrel-scraping averageness." - Peter Bradshaw

"What's lacking is that intangible sense of fun, of inventiveness, of ingenuity, that made the first Shrek something you ran to your friends, grabbed them by the arms and told them they simply HAD to see." - Steven Snyder

I haven't actually seen Shrek the Third in full myself, nor do I want to, but it was enough to get DreamWorks to decide not to make five Shrek movies as they'd initially planned. Instead, they just made FOUR Shrek movies. And a spin-off movie starring Puss in Boots. And a few holiday specials.

And by "a few", I mean "two", because I suppose a Shrek Thanksgiving special or a Shrek Fourth of July special would be really, really stupid. The first of these, 2007's Shrek the Halls, is the more well-known of the two, and still usually gets aired once at some point during each Christmas season. 2010's Scared Shrekless, on the other hand?

I don't know how many times this has been broadcast over the years, but it certainly doesn't air EVERY October. You can, however, find it on Netflix, where it's bundled with Shrek 4D (yes, the ride that was at Universal Studios and a bunch of other theme parks... and released on DVD) and the Monsters vs. Aliens Halloween special (note to self: review Monsters vs. Aliens at some point) as "DreamWorks Spooky Stories".  You can also find it on DVD. Directed by Gary Trousdale and Raman Hui, the special is at this point a footnote in the franchise's history, but I remember liking it well enough.

So, seeing as it's the only Shrek production obscure enough to qualify for a review on my blog - and also because it's the Halloween season - let's take a look at Scared Shrekless... which admittedly isn't nearly as good a pun as "Shrek the Halls". Though apparently they were originally going to call it "Shrek or Treat"...

We begin with a bunch of terrified teenagers running from... Shrek and Fiona's babies. Yes, apparently the movie where they debuted was so bad that just seeing the babies is enough to make people wet their pants. Or maybe they're just reminded of that nightmare Shrek had in the third film about the millions of ogre babies running rampant.

Shrek (voiced once again by Mike Myers) shows up and congratulates the babies on doing such a great job terrifying the teens. He and Fiona (Cameron Diaz) bring their kids back to their house to discover all of their friends waiting for them... Donkey (voiced not by Eddie Murphy but rather by Dean Edwards) is dressed as a jester, Gingy (Conrad Vernon) is dressed as a mummy, the Three Little Pigs (Cody Cameron) are dressed as clowns (making them the scariest thing in the whole special so far), the Wolf (Aron Warner) is dressed as a witch, and Pinocchio (also Cody Cameron) is... pretending to hang himself. Jeez, Pinoke, even for Halloween that's pretty dark...

If Donkey really wanted to scare Shrek, he should've just an ogre baby mask.

(For those unaware, that's another reference to the creepy nightmare scene in Shrek the Third)

Fiona insists that ogres don't get scared. After all, THEY'RE the ones who do the scaring. "And that's why we're the kings of Halloween," Shrek adds. I think Jack Skellington might object to that claim, Shrek. But Donkey and Puss in Boots (Antonio Banderas) have an idea - they'll spend the whole night telling scary stories, and whoever makes it through the night without running out of the house screaming is named the King of Halloween. Everyone is all on board with that.

I think the Three Little Pigs already win. Put clown makeup on 'em and they're far
scarier than Shrek.

Fiona takes the kids out to scare some more trick-or-treaters, and then Shrek suggests that they do their scary story-telling not at his house, but rather in Duloc. Remember Duloc? This is the first time since the first movie that it's been brought up. Apparently, after Lord Farquaad got eaten by Dragon, it became a ghost town.

I notice that everyone took off their costumes before they arrived at Duloc. Well, the Wolf still has his witch's hat on, but that's about it. I wonder why that is...

"I thought Duloc was bought out by the Walt Disney Company and turned into a
theme park."

"Nah, they just sent Farquaad a cease-and-desist letter..."

Pinocchio brings up that he's heard Duloc is haunted by Farquaad's ghost - perhaps a reference to the aforementioned Shrek 4D? If so, wasn't Farquaad's ghost extinguished or whatever at the end? Does Pinocchio just not know this? But nobody is willing to forfeit, so in they go. Donkey makes a reference to House of Wax, because it wouldn't be a Shrek production without some pop culture references, and then Shrek notices the Information Booth from the first film that was a parody of "it's a small world". It's more or less the same, except it's in desperate need of repair and the dolls now sing about how run-down and creepy Duloc is. Was it reprogrammed? Or are the dolls actually sentient?

I prefer the second option. It makes the scene that much funnier (in a "this really shouldn't be as funny as it is" kind of way).

"Please end our suffering."

So everyone gathers in Farquaad's castle, and Pinocchio wants to tell the first story. Wolf correctly guesses that it's about how one time he got trapped in a petting zoo.

...okay, I'm going to need more information. Why would Pinocchio consider that scary? What exactly could any of the animals that live at a petting zoo do to somebody who's made of wood? What, did a goat try to eat him? Was it a BEAVER petting zoo or something like that?

Well, we don't get any more info, because Gingy interrupts to say that HE has a story for them all...

Gee, I wonder what horror movie THIS is going to be a parody of...

Gingy's story begins with him paying a visit to the Muffin Man in a glum mood. Apparently, his girlfriend kicked him out... something about being "too into himself". I guess being the mascot of Wal-Mart went to Gingy's head. Fortunately, the Muffin Man (Conrad Vernon) can bake him a NEW cookie girlfriend... you think this is going to be the same girlfriend who got eaten by Santa Claus in Shrek the Halls? That would be an interesting call-back.

Food (no pun intended) for thought: Gingy was made by the Muffin Man, wasn't he?
If the Muffin Man makes a gingerbread girl, wouldn't she technically be Gingy's sister?

So they get cooking, and Gingy insists that they add a lot of sugar to make sure this gingerbread girl is extra sweet (ba-dum-kssssh). After some Frankenstein references, the gingerbread girl is baked and brought to life. And she has the voice of Kristen Schaal.

The gingerbread girl declares that she and Gingy will be together forever. Montage time!

I wonder how they're drinking that, since, y'know, they don't have digestive tracts.

Or do they? I don't know much about gingerbread person anatomy...

Gingy is very happy... until his girlfriend starts getting a bit too smothering. So instead of simply asking her in the nicest way possible to be a bit less clingy, he decides to impatiently ask her to "leave him alone for like thirty seconds". Jeez, Gingy, no need to get so snappy with her. You're gingerbread, not a ginger SNAP.

The gingerbread girl still doesn't quite get the hint, so Gingy decides to make a run for it. Alas, his girlfriend catches up with him and laments that she wasn't trying hard enough to make him happy. One thing leads to another, and Gingy winds up kicking her into a mixing bowl.

Dang. Gingy has a body count.

"When you get to some gluttonous kid's stomach, tell 'em that Gingy sent you!"

Gingy returns home, surprisingly nonchalant about the fact that he just committed homicide... and I like the detail of his remote control being a PEZ (the candy, not the dispenser). Unbeknownst to him, the mixture that his girlfriend fell into is being baked...

The result: an army of gingerbread girls marching towards his house like zombies, chanting "Together forever. Together forever..." Here's hoping Gingy is into this sort of relationship.

"Where the heck is Cookie Monster when you need him?!"

Gingy claims that the zombies ate him, which sends the Three Little Pigs running out of the castle going "Wee, wee, wee!". The wolf walks out after them because they're his ride. Shrek, of course, sees through Gingy's lie and asks how, if they ate him, he is still there. Realizing that he's been caught with his hand in the metaphorical cookie jar (these jokes just write themselves), Gingy runs out of the castle. And just to make the scene even funnier, as he's leaving he calls them "Doody-heads".

Now only Shrek, Donkey, Puss, and Pinocchio remain. Puss wants to tell the next story, but Donkey butts in and begins to tell a story of his own...

So, let me guess... this one is based on Jaws, right?

Donkey's story, much like Gingy's, takes place on a dark and stormy night. He and Puss need to find a place to say. Fortunately, there's a nearby motel that looks like a giant boot. I assume the caretaker is a little old woman who has so many children she doesn't know what to do.

An already-annoyed Puss is irritated by Donkey's repeatedly referring to him as his "sidekick", but Donkey won't let him get a word in edgewise. Instead, he subjects him to Psycho references.

Jeez, Donkey...

Donkey claims that the caretaker murdered Puss, but Puss objects - clearly he was well aware of the approaching danger and grabbed his sword before the caretaker could do anything... but then Donkey showed up and saved him!

And guess what?! The caretaker is actually Prince Charming (voiced not by Rupert Everett but rather by Sean Bishop) in disguise! He's packing heat, and he wants revenge! "I want revenge!" he declares.

He's really mad that he wasn't invited back to appear in Shrek Forever After.

Prince Charming zaps Puss with a magic wand, but Puss is all "No way, that wouldn't happen!" and claims that he repelled the attack and leapt to safety... which, according to Donkey, is exactly what Prince Charming WANTED him to do!

PLOT TWIST!

Charming laughs, just like a crazed maniac... by which I mean he says "Ha ha ha ha HAAAAAAAA!", and then pulls a lever that sends Puss falling down the trapdoor and through the mouth of a gigantic creepy-looking plywood cutout. Makes sense to me, I don't know why YOU'RE confused.

However, Puss complains that this is incredibly unrealistic.

Is that supposed to be a likeness of Prince Charming? It doesn't LOOK like him...

Instead, according to Puss, he woke up. It was all just a dream. Also his bed was on the ceiling.

It's a good thing cats always land on their feet... oh, wait, that was just a rumor spread by dogs.

And then the lights go out. Puss seizes the opportunity to turn the tables on Donkey - when the lights come back on, DONKEY is the one taking a shower, leading to quite possibly the best part of the entire special. Are you ready for this? Okay...

Donkey pulls back the curtain and screams upon seeing the danger approaching. It's a gigantic donkey-eating waffle! It's packing heat and it wants revenge! "I WANT REVENGE!" it declares.

"LEGGO MY EGGO!"

Donkey runs... but how far can you run when you're standing on a plate covered in butter? And wearing a pink tutu? And a sombrero? "NOOOOOOOOOO! PLEASE, PLEASE! I'LL SWITCH TO PANCAKES!" Donkey exclaims as the donkey-eating waffle eats him alive.

I declare Puss the winner just for giving us this alone.

But Donkey gets the last laugh by having Pinocchio spray Puss with water, sending the cat running out of the castle. After that, we cut back to Shrek's house, where the Three Blind Mice are walking on a turntable unaware that they aren't in Duloc. Aw, no scary story about them? Surely you can do something with the farmer's wife as the villain. I mean, she cut off their tails with a carving knife. She clearly had some issues...

Well, anyhow, Shrek decides to tell a story himself. I don't think anything could top the gigantic donkey-eating waffle, but let's see what he's got...

And THIS one surely must be a parody of Friday the Thirteenth, right?

According to Shrek, some weird things were going on to a little boy who lived nearby, so Shrek decided to pay the boy a visit and see if he could get to the root of the problem. Since Geppetto (Sean Bishop) is the boy's father, it should be pretty obvious who that little boy is...

This segment allows us to finally get something that the previous two Shrek productions have lacked - Disney references! Seriously, for a franchise that exists mainly so Jeffrey Katzenberg could have an excuse to vent his frustrations towards Disney, I don't think there were ANY Disney references in Shrek the Halls. I guess it's because Disney doesn't have a whole lot of iconic Christmas-themed movies. Here, not only does Geppetto's house look very similar to his house in the Disney adaptation of Pinocchio, but there's a cat who bears a striking resemblance to Figaro snacking on a goldfish very much like Cleo.

"Figaro looked at Cleo, with hunger in his eye...

Then gobbled her up. The end."

Shrek heads upstairs to find Pinocchio having a spazz attack. His head spins around - Shrek dubbing this the result of his head not being screwed on just right - and then he says, "When you wish upon a star, you get lots of stuff!"

Wow, they're not even TRYING to be subtle with the Disney references anymore. How long until a mouse with red shorts and his own theme park shows up?

Pinocchio kicks Shrek in the face multiple times, then falls asleep. That was remarkably easy, wasn't it? Oh, wait, he's lifting off the bed...

I hear alien abductions are a big problem in Far Far Away.

Shrek turns around, discovers that Pinocchio is being lifted up by strings ('cause he's a puppet, get it?) and takes out a pair of scissors. "You never have this problem with sock puppets..." he mutters as he cuts the strings. So what's Pinocchio's problem? He hears voices in his head telling him what to do. And right now, they're telling him to barf on Shrek!

How exactly is a puppet capable of barfing? I was expecting them to make a joke about how the "barf" is actually tree sap or maple syrup 'cause he's made from the wood of a maple tree or something, but nope. It's never specified just what, exactly, Pinocchio just spewed on Shrek.

Shrek should've never taken Pinocchio to eat at Arby's.

Pinocchio spazzes out again, crawling around on the ceiling and reciting expressions about birds... not sure what birds have to do with Pinocchio, but eh... and eventually Shrek gets fed up and punts him out the window. He falls down a large flight of stairs, and upon landing he discovers just what, exactly, was causing him to go crazy. Turns out, there was a Jiminy Cricket parody in his head.

Well, that explains it. ANYONE would go crazy if there was a bug crawling around in their head.

"Could you help me find my way onto the set of Antz?"

The cricket explains that he's Pinocchio's conscience, and he was the one telling him to do things like barf on Shrek and climb on the ceiling. Of course, Pinocchio winds up stepping on the cricket because that's the go-to joke for most Pinocchio parodies - the cricket gets squashed, stepped on, or swatted in a humorous fashion. Even the Shrek Broadway musical had a joke about Pinocchio's conscience getting splattered on a windshield in it. Mind you, the original book did have Pinocchio smash the cricket with a hammer, so it's not even that clever of a joke.

Pinocchio claims that the story is a load of ogre poop and that he never had any bugs in his head. But then Shrek takes out a cricket and he runs out of the castle screaming.

"I told you we shouldn't have watched Geppetto."

So now it's down to just Shrek and Donkey. Donkey insists that Shrek can't scare him, to which Shrek brings up the rumors of Farquaad's ghost supposedly haunting his old stomping grounds... Donkey claims that he doesn't believe in ghosts, which is weird because he actually encountered Farquaad's ghost in Shrek 4D... I suppose that it's best we just don't think about it too much...

But then strange things start going on. Chairs move around on their own. A carving of Farquaad's face suddenly gains an angry look. And then a suit of armor becomes possessed by a spirit with glowing yellow eyes. Zoinks! It's Farquaad's ghost!

And it doesn't look anything like Farquaad's ghost from Shrek 4D!

Donkey flees, and of course it turns out that there is no ghost - the suit of armor was controlled by the ogre babies, with some help from Fiona and a pair of fireflies. After celebrating their success, they go pelt the Seven Dwarfs with eggs. The end.

What's the Verdict?

I personally like Scared Shrekless. Ogres and fairy tale characters just lend themselves really well to a Halloween special, and when you combine that with some hilarious writing, you've got a fun time on your hands. This special is genuinely funny - I particularly loved Prince Charming's cameo, the donkey-eating waffle, and the Disney references (which I found weren't too mean-spirited - more "let's make jokes about a far more iconic version of Pinocchio" than "let's make fun of Disney because Katzenberg is still holding a grudge"). It's neat that they brought Duloc back, and I have to give a lot of credit to Dean Edwards, whose Eddie Murphy impression is spot-on. It is kind of disappointing we don't get to hear how Pinocchio (maybe his story could've been about Pleasure Island), the Wolf, or the Three Little Pigs would tell a scary story... but I guess that would've dragged the special out a little. I recommend giving Scared Shrekless a watch if you're a fan of the movies... or at least the first two.

One more thing... I have some more Halloween special ideas for DreamWorks. How about a Madagascar Halloween special called "MadagaSCARE"? I dunno, could work. Or an Over the Hedge Halloween special where the animals raid candy from trick-or-treaters? That movie is really underrated.