Pop quiz: how many movies are there about zebras? Well, off the top of my head, there are only five. Three of those are the Madagascar movies (though the zebra is only one of the four protagonists, so it might not count). The fourth is 2005's Racing Stripes, which starred a zebra with the voice of Frankie Muniz who wants to be a racehorse. I actually saw that in theaters. Haven't watched it in years, so I don't recall if it was any good or not. And the fifth is the film we're looking at today - Khumba, a 2013 animated film by Triggerfish Animation Studios (you know, the same studio that made Adventures in Zambezia).
The film is about a zebra with the voice of Jake T. Austin who only has stripes on one half of his body. Is it any good? Well, that's what we're going to find out today. I liked Adventures in Zambezia so I'd say there's a fifty-percent chance of this being good too. Let's get started.
Khumba begins with... Master Mantis from Kung Fu Panda.
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| Where are the rest of the Furious Five? |
As the mantis flies off, a narrator welcomes us to the Great Karoo Desert. "Surviving in these parts isn't easy..." he tells us. "You need to be tough and flexible." I imagine that staying hydrated probably helps, too. Then the narrator says that they built an enclosure of sorts to keep "us in and them out - 'them' being everyone who isn't us". But the mantis gets through pretty easily, so...
Anyhow, it turns out that "us" is a herd of zebras who live at the only watering hole for miles and miles. For years, it was a zebras-only location - "until I came along and changed everything!" the narrator exclaims.
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| I think I know who the film's comic relief character is going to be... |
The zebras are playing some sort of weird game with melons and a tumbleweed. One zebra is being all Mr. Awesome. A few girl zebras are swooning over him. A goofy-looking zebra who's totally supposed to be the comic relief character named Nigel (voiced by Alexander Polinsky) goes off to find the mate of a girl zebra named Lungisa (Anika Noni Rose) who's about to give birth.
The mate, whose name is Seko (Laurence Fishburne) arrives just in time to see that Lungisa has given birth to a cute little baby zebra. Everybody thinks the little guy is cute... until it's revealed that - horror of horrors - he's only got stripes on the front half of his body! The other zebras are horrified, but Seko tells his son not to listen to them.
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| Soooooooooo, it's sort of like Dumbo or Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer but with a zebra? Is that what the storyline is going to be here? |
One younger zebra - this one a girl - arrives and sees the newborn. "He's funny-looking," she says. "I like him." Gee, I wonder if this younger female zebra is going to be the love interest... you know, the Faline to his Bambi, the Nala to his Simba, the Jewel to his Blu... well, okay, you get the picture.
"What do you even CALL half a zebra?" one zebra asks. Another suggests "Zeb", which everybody else finds hilarious. Actually, a zebra with stripes on only the front half of their body is called a "Quagga". Here's a picture of one:
It went extinct in the nineteenth century. If a pair of zebras were able to give birth to a Quagga, you shouldn't be mocking it, you should be amazed that a Quagga exists after the species went extinct. It's like if you saw a tyrannosaurus rex stomping around the middle of, I dunno, North America and instead of being amazed by the fact that it's there you just stand there and mock it for its tiny arms (by the way, if you did that you would likely get eaten, seeing as it's a tyrannosaurus rex and all).
"You are not half a zebra," Lungisa tells her baby. "Your name... is Khumba." Seko concurs - "Our son, Khumba," he says. Nigel then says, "That's nice!" However, the other zebras are still bothered by the lack of stripes on Khumba's back half. One of them says that perhaps it's a sign of an approaching drought. For some reason.
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| Seriously, what is it with cute baby animals in animated productions being mocked for a distinguishing feature that it has? Maybe Khumba, Dumbo, Rudolph, and Nestor the Long-Eared Christmas Donkey should start a support group... |
Well, years go by, and as the years go by the water hole gets dryer and dryer. We see Khumba (Jake T. Austin, as I've stated before) and his love interest, whose name is Tombi (AnnaSophia Robb) racing each other around the zebras' little patch of desert. Tombi wins, and she rubs it in Khumba's face that he got beaten by a girl. However, Khumba isn't bothered by that - he's bothered that other zebras are laughing at him. I'll bet they won't even let poor Khumba join in any of their zebra games, those jerks! "Why do you care what they think?" Tombi asks him, to which Khumba replies, "I DON'T!"
Meanwhile, Seko is talking to another zebra. He says that if it doesn't rain soon, the zebras will have to leave. By the way, take a look at this rock structure that Lungisa is sitting under right now:
Is it just me, or does it look WAAAAAAAAY too much like Pride Rock? This can't be a coincidence...
Unbeknownst to the zebras, however, the villain of the movie is approaching their grounds. Specifically, this guy:
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| Apparently, the father leopard from Delhi Safari did not take those negative reviews very well... |
Back with the zebras, Seko suggests that, while they wait for the rains, they ration the water. Another zebra, who sounds very much like Hermes from Futurama, likes this idea. "Until the rains come, we'll only drink once a day!" he announces. Some other other, presumably younger, zebras are showing off for the ladies, then they see Khumba and decide to go over and mock him because apparently that's how they get their thrills.
As if Khumba's life isn't sucky enough at the moment, his mother is apparently getting really, REALLY thirsty... judging from the coughing that she's doing, maybe a bit TOO thirsty. Ah, jeez, are they gonna give Khumba the Bambi treatment, too? Hasn't he suffered enough already?
As Khumba walks off, he mutters, "I might be half a zebra, but at least I'm not an ass!" He's referring to Tombi's brother, who's the ringleader of the jerk zebras who were making fun of him. As for me, I'm just shocked that a character in a movie that I'm pretty sure was intended for kids just said the word "ass". Then again, he's hardly the first to do that (coughcoughJiminyCricketfromPinocchiocoughcough)...
For a second, Khumba thinks that his hindquarters have suddenly gained stripes, but as it turns out they're just the shadows of branches on a nearby tree. Then that mantis from before shows up again.
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| PIXAR hasn't made a sequel to A Bug's Life yet. Manny's gotta pay the bills SOMEHOW... |
The mantis starts drawing some sort of map (at least, that's what Khumba thinks it is) in the sand, but before we can get any more information on that Tombi shows up to comfort Khumba. Khumba blames himself for the drought that's been going on. Tombi agrees with me and asks how he could possibly be responsible for the drought. Khumba for whatever reason gets angry and tells her to leave him alone. Before she walks off, Tombi says, "You think you're the only one who has a hard time fitting in?" Apparently Tombi also feels different, but SPOILER ALERT: they're not gonna give us any more detail on that.
Okay, so the mantis returns and flies off through the... briar-fence-thing that the zebras put up to keep them in and other animals out. Peering through it, Khumba is startled by the sight of two gemsbok peering through the briars. "Can you help us?" one of them asks. "Just don't ask me to make it rain," Khumba replies. The gemsbok say that their "wahila" (whatever that means) needs water, and the gemsbok know that the zebras have a big watering hole that they for whatever reason won't share with any other animals so would it be too much trouble to spare some of the water in it? Khumba says that he doesn't know if he's even allowed to talk to outsiders. The gemsboks' "wahila" (who's the one female, so I'm guessing it's their mother or queen or something?) replies that they used to live right alongside the zebras. This convinces Khumba to let them have some of his rations, and he allows them in.
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| Y'know, the gemsbok look like they just stepped out of Kung Fu Panda too... did this film have the same character designer or something? |
As the gemsbok head on in, Khumba sees that there's actually a big, big world outside their little enclosure. But, oh no! That leopard from before is getting closer! But who cares about him, back to the zebras. The other zebras are none too pleased by the fact that there are "intruders" in their enclosure. One of the zebras replies to the gemsboks' pleas that their "wahila" needs to drink by announcing that their watering hole is for zebras only. "This land belongs to ALL OF US," one of the gemsbok insists. Regardless, the gemsboks' "wahila" says that they should go, as clearly the zebras don't remember that they aren't the supreme rulers of the desert.
The gemsbok leave just in time to run into that leopard, who promptly takes one down before deciding he wants to eat a zebra instead. Nigel recognizes the leopard - "It's Phango! He's at the fence!" he exclaims.
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| He kind of reminds me of Shere Khan from the live action remake of The Jungle Book... The Jon Faverau one, not the one with Jason Scott Lee. |
Fortunately, the zebras manage to close the fence before Phango can get in. "We need more branches!" Seko shouts. "Come on, close the gap!" After another unfunny joke involving Nigel, Phango starts talking, and it's revealed that he has the voice of Liam Neeson. "You can't keep them hidden from me forever, Makuro," he snarls. Apparently, Makuro is the name of the lead zebra, presumably the old one that sounds like Hermes.
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| Here's a screencap of him (he's the one in the middle). |
"I can smell your fear," Phango says. "I can almost TASTE IT... if it doesn't rain soon, you will have to let them out..." "If SOMEONE doesn't let him in first!" one zebra snaps - he's referring to Khumba, I guess. Phango plods off, the other zebras leave, and Seko starts chewing out Khumba for putting the herd at risk. In his defense, somebody could've, you know, TOLD Khumba that they can't open the briar-fence-thing because if they do there's a pretty good chance that a psychotic leopard could barge in and devour them all. Just saying.
Khumba visits whose mother, who as it turns out is sick. He gives her some kind of fruit to snack on, and she says that he's just like his father. Khumba denies it - "I'm not like any of you," he says. Working up enough strength to walk out from under Pride Rock, Lungisa tells Khumba why she decided to name him that. "Khumba", as it turns out, means "Skin".
"They say that the first zebras to walk the earth all had the exact same skin," she explains, "With no stripes at all." So, essentially, they were just white horses. But then one day, a brave young zebra took a journey across the vast "currou" (whatever THAT means), and deep inside a huge mountain he found a magic water hole. He swam in it, and when he came out he had stripes on his skin. The other zebras were all "Dude, we want stripes too!" so they all jumped into the magic water hole and gained stripes as well.
Khumba now has an idea. It goes like this -
1) Find magic water hole
2) Gain stripes on his rear end
3) It'll rain, because he and the other zebras still think that his only being a "half-zebra" is what's keeping it from raining despite the fact that it makes no sense
4) As a result, the other zebras will actually LIKE him
5) I dunno, profit?
So he dashes off as his mom says, "Don't you see? They all looked the same..." The story, it appears, was her way of saying that it's good to be different. Maybe she should've shown those other zebras The Sneetches, then this whole mess probably would've been resolved pretty quickly.
Khumba looks at the drawing in the sand that mantis from before drew, and he figures out that it's a map to the magic water hole. Before he leaves, however, he and the other zebras find out that Lungisa has... well, let's just say they did indeed give Khumba the Bambi treatment. It's actually a pretty depressing scene.
And then we cut to a goofy-looking African wild dog wandering around to quirky banjo music. One minute ago it was all sad, and now all of a sudden we've got the humorous antics of a wild dog. Anyhow, the wild dog just so happens to be sniffing around the briar-fence-thing as Khumba is about to leave, and as a result he gets flung into the air as Khumba's walking out and can see the water on the other side.
Eventually, Khumba actually MEETS the wild dog, and it's revealed that he's voiced by Steve Buscemi. I like Steve Buscemi, so having him in this movie is already a great thing for me, but what really impresses me is the performance that he's giving. Usually, when Steve lends his voice to an animated movie, he does something similar to his role as Randall from Monsters Inc. - a really slimy, sinister-sounding thing, even if the character's not evil (Scamper from Igor, the werewolf in Hotel Transylvania). Here, he sounds almost nothing like Randall. In fact, it kind of sounds like he's doing an impression of Larry the Cable Guy. Major props, Steve. Major props.
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| I think I might have found my favorite character in the movie... |
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| "Git 'er done!" |
"I tell you, it works! On ANYTHING! Even a rock!" Skulk announces, holding up a "sample of his work" to prove it. "But if you wanna trek all the way across the carou and back, that's all right by ME." Khumba says that maybe if Skulk shows him how it works, he'll agree to try it. Meanwhile, Tombi (remember her?) is just now finding out that Khumba left. But enough about her, back to Khumba and the Steve Buscemi wild dog.
Skulk tells Khumba that he can have some of his "miracle formula" for the very low price of... a little water for him and his buddies. "I personally know that there's enough water back at your herd to GIVE IT away!" he says. "Saw the wet nozzles with my own eyes! Couldn't hurt for you to ask..." "Believe me," Khumba says, "It COULD. Right now, I'm the last zebra in the world they want to see."
Skulk winds up walking right into the behind of a large wildebeest. Then a British-accented ostrich (Richard E. Grant, who I'm guessing someone at Triggerfish Animation really likes since he also voiced one of the Marbou storks in Zambezia) shows up and insists that he is "an ARTISTE!" after Skulk calls him a feather duster. The wildebeest, whose name is "Mama V" (Loretta Devine), says that she can't remember when the last time she saw a zebra outside the fence was, so Khumba explains to her what's going on.
The next thing he knows, some other African wild dogs show up and channel the Hyenas from The Lion King. Skulk protests that they don't want to eat him 'cause he's their ticket to the water the zebras are hoarding, but the other wild dogs are apparently more concerned with having full stomachs than being well-hydrated. The ostrich, whose name is Bradley, finds Khumba's claim of there being a "magic water hole" a bit strange. "Where IS this water hole?" Mama V asks, to which Khumba replies, "Where the mantis said, I guess!" "The mantis? He spoke to you?" Mama V says.
Bradley says that he saw the mantis once. "He was very complimentary about my feathers!" he boasts. "Maybe not THE mantis, but A mantis! Okay, a stick insect. Point is, he liked my feathers!"
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| Sooooooooooooo, the ostrich is a stereotypical vain British person, and the wildebeest is a stereotypical sassy black woman. Stereotypes - if you make 'em animals, no one is going to complain! |
Mama V beats up all the wild dogs, then Bradley says that instead of all three of them going to find this magic water hole Khumba should just tell him and Mama V where it is because "two's company, three's a... no, two and a HALF is a crowd!" Mama V tells him to "tweak the beak".
Bradley is still suspicious of there being such a thing as a magic water hole, but Mama V believes it. "The mantis is an ancient creature," she tells him. "He knows the secrets of the Karoo. And he must have chosen this little guy for a reason." Ah, so this is one of them "THE CHOSEN ONE!" stories, huh?
So Khumba, Mama V, and Bradley head off. Meanwhile, Seko is wondering where the heck his son is. Tombi tells him that he left and that she's gonna go find him, but Seko replies, "We need brave zebras like you. That's why you need to stay here." He then heads out to find Khumba himself.
Then we cut back to Skulk and the other wild dogs. "When... exactly... did you decide that you were going to hold... a zebra... ransom?" one wild dog asks in a weird stilted fashion. Skulk admits that it was "off the cuff". And then, just to make the similarities that these wild dogs have to the Hyenas from The Lion King even more blatant, Skulk winds up running into Phango. Phango wants to eat him, but a terrified Skulk tries to talk him out of it: "Now you're a sophisticated disorning gourmet type. You are what you eat, right?" He claims that he knows where Phango can find a nice, tasty half-striped zebra to munch on instead of him. It works.
"You scavenge so low on the food chain, you couldn't possibly see his power!" the leopard growls. "I've always been a half-full half-empty kind of guy! So sue me!" Skulk says nervously. Phango demands that Skulk show him where this half-striped zebra is.
At the moment, Khumba and his new friends are crossing a road (in the middle of a desert?). Bradley starts talking about how horrible Phango is. "Did you know that he eats his prey while there's still a heartbeat?" he asks Khumba. "He feeds off their fear. THAT'S how he gets his powers! His SUPERNATURAL powers..." Mama V tells him to put a sock in it and suggests that they set up camp for the night.
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| "And to this day, you can still hear the laughter of the deranged guy with a hook for a hand on dark, cold nights..." |
And then, out of absolutely nowhere, Bradley does a MUSICAL NUMBER. I am not kidding. He's not even singing for half of it, he's just talking to music. The song is about how he once lived on a farm, but the others "ostracized" (get it?) him for being "an artiste" or whatever.
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| I know that I already made this joke in my review of Delhi Safari, but... Rio this is not. |
After the song, Khumba asks what Mama V's problem is. Hopefully SHE won't sing about it, too. Mama V sadly says that it's not important where she's from, sometimes it's best to just, in the words of Timon, put your past behind you. Meanwhile, Phango is still looking for Khumba... as is Seko, and when he sees Phango's pawprints, he becomes nervous.
Cut to the next morning. The mantis is practicing his yoga, and he overhears Khumba, Mama V, and Bradley yammering as they continue on their way. Khumba takes a pause to stare at... uh, a large fruit salad?
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| Great, now I'm thinking about the Wiggles... |
Khumba spots three peaks that were definitely on the map that the mantis provided for him. Meanwhile, Tombi is showing the other zebras that very map... which Nigel messes up 'cause he's a wacky comic relief character. Ha ha ha ha ha.
Then Seko returns. He tells the others that he's positive Khumba got eaten by Phango. Everybody's bummed out, but Tombi insists that Khumba might still be alive. And then her dad acts like a massive donkey's rear end and says that, hey, now that he's gone maybe it'll finally rain.
We then get a montage of Khumba, Mama V, and Bradley treking to the mountains, but then they get caught up in an antelope stampede. Because I guess they're not done aping The Lion King yet. Fortunately, the antelope are able to stop via a slow-motion shot. Yeah, there are a lot of those in THIS movie, too.
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| What is it with CGI animated films that I review and slow-motion shots? |
The antelope, who have strange accents that I honestly can't identify, explain that they're "immigrating" because there isn't any water. This scene is pretty much a few minutes of the antelope yammering in their weird unidentifiable accents before they help Khumba and Mama V break down the fence in front of them.
Back to the zebras. They're at each other's throats because there's not enough water to go around - in fact, the water hole is pretty much empty. This makes Tombi's dad realize that, hey, Khumba's stripes didn't have anything to do with the rain. Who would've thunk?! Tombi says that they should leave, but her dad points out that Phango's out there, and now that he knows what zebra tastes like he'll likely eat them all as well. So that's the end of THAT suggestion.
Khumba, Mama V, and Bradley, meanwhile, have found the magic water hole. Good, does this mean that the movie's almost over? Because I feel like I've been watching it for hours now...
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| That's not a magic watering hole, that's the swimming pool at the Grand Floridian. |
Khumba and Bradley start swimming in it, but Khumba doesn't gain any stripes. However, they DO wind up attracting the attention of some other animals - one of which is a meerkat voiced by Dee Bradley Baker.
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| He looks like a cross between Timon and Sid from Ice Age. |
"Welcome to Ying's Animal Sanctuary!" the meerkat greets them. This is where all sorts of African animals can live, be free, and not have to worry about Phango and his evil ways. When Khumba emerges from the water, the animals see that he's only half-striped, and they all think it's COOL. Including this rabbit:
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| "Hey, can you help me find my way back to the Hundred Acre Wood?" |
"Now, the show is at 5:00 sharp," Discount Timon explains. "So if you want food, play to the camera, be on time, and on your game." Khumba insists that he, Bradley, and Mama V should keep moving because this water hole clearly isn't the MAGIC water hole. He's not giving up. He KNOWS it's out there.
As it turns out, the rabbit (voiced by Jeff Bennett) knows where it is, but before he can tell them the show begins. A group of tourists in a jeep show up and start taking photos of all the animals. And one of the meerkats takes a leak. Classy, fellas.
Then somebody in that jeep shoots Bradley with a tranquillizer dart. And then we get... uh, this...
No, I have no idea what that was all about.
Mama V and the rabbit tell Khumba to run, so that's just what Khumba does, the jeeps in hot pursuit. Eventually, they're able to catch him. However, with a little help from the rabbit, he escapes. Sooooooo, that entire scene was pretty much pointless.
"There is only one who knows the way," the rabbit tells Khumba. "Seek the black eagle... if you DAAAAAAAAAAAARE..." So off Khumba, Mama V, and Bradley head.
Then we cut back to Tombi and Seko. Tombi still thinks that they should leave, believing that even with Phango around they've got a better chance of survival out there. "I don't know why I stay either..." Seko admits. "There's nothing left for me here..." He decides that they've all been hiding behind that fence for too long. Speaking of things being too long, isn't this movie over YET?
We cut to Phango still on the trail of Khumba, and then we cut back to Khumba, Mama V, and Bradley. Bradley is complaining about how they had to leave the animal preserve where he could be a star, then goes into an existential crisis. Eventually, Khumba and Bradley enter some crags inhabited by crazy rock hyraxes who apparently worship the Black Eagle. One unfunny scene later and the mighty Black Eagle finally arrives... but before we can finally see this Black Eagle guy, we have to cut back to the zebras. Seku tells Tombi's dad that they're leaving and that he hopes he'll be coming with them. "The herd needs both of us," he says. How does Tombi's dad reply? I don't know, before he does we suddenly cut back to Khumba!
"WHY DID YOU COME HERE?!" the Black Eagle (Roger L. Jackson) demands to know. "To see the freak of nature for yourself?! The only WHITE BLACK EAGLE?!" Khumba says that he needs the eagle's help.
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| He looks a bit more brown-ish than white in this screencap, honestly... |
"And why should I help YOU?" the Black Eagle snarls as he prepares to shove Khumba off a cliff. "Because if I don't find the magic water hole and earn my stripes, the zebras won't have any rain!" Khumba exclaims. The Black Eagle tells him to go, but then Khumba goes all "We're not that different, you and I" on him and he decides to tell Khumba where he can find the magic water hole. He must go through the Valley of Desolation, then the abandoned farm, go around the salt pan, and he'll find it. Oh, and here's something else: it's apparently in Phango's cave.
"There was a time when he was the outcast of the litter," the Black Eagle explains. "Born blind in one eye. Abandoned by his own kind. Little did they know that his blindness would give him a sense of smell like no other leopard before him." As a result, he became a great hunter and got his revenge. What any of this has to do with the magic water hole, I don't know.
Back to the animals at the preserve. The meerkat kids are bummed that Khumba left, but the rabbit explains that he's in "a class all his own" - and so is HE. "We belong OUT THERE! WITH KHUMBA!" he announces. The animals decide to go follow Khumba in the hopes that they'll find a clean water hole. Then we cut to the zebras leaving their enclosure thing. Nigel continues to act annoying. We cut back to Phango for a second, then back to Khumba, Bradley and Mama V. After making it through the valley, they come across the abandoned farm. At the farm, they're ambushed by a deranged sheep (Catherine Tate). Once they evade her, she tells them that Phango's gonna get them if they go to the mountain where the water hole is. And this is where the truth comes out.
Bradley and Mama V are horrified by the idea of going to Phango's cave - turns out he once ate Mama V's baby. Khumba apologizes to them for dragging them out this far before sadly trotting off by himself.
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| Is the sheep wearing another sheep's skull? That's pretty gruesome, isn't it? |
Then we get a montage of Kumba being all sad and moping and doping before cutting to Bradley and Mama V being worried about him. Can we have the Steve Buscemi-voiced wild dog back? He was, like, the one bright spot in this movie...
Phango then shows up and pursues Bradley and Mama V around the valley, demanding to know where Khumba is. Bradley accidentally lets it slip where Khumba is going, and after a pleased-as-punch Phango prowls off, Mama V suggests that they go find Khumba and warn him.
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| God, I'm so bored by this movie that I can't even think of a funny joke here... |
Meanwhile, Khumba collapses from exhaustion in the desert, but fortunately the gemsbok's "wahila" shows up and saves him from being baked under the hot sun. Then we cut back to the Black Eagle and his hyrax worshippers. And then we cut back to the other zebras. They see storm clouds approaching, then run into the animals from the preserve. One of the meerkat kids says that they're following Khumba. Upon hearing that his son is alive, Seko announces that he's going ahead and tells the rest of the herd to follow the rabbit.
Khumba has arrived at the mountain where Phango lives. The storm's a-comin' and a bolt of lightning sets a tree aflame.
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| With any luck, fire will turn out to be the only thing that Phango is afraid of... You know, just like in The Jungle Book. |
We see the sheep again, then the gazelles, and then... hooray, Skulk's back! He winds up teaming up with the sheep. Meanwhile, Bradley and Mama V arrive at the mountain, and they see Seko running by. "Who's he?" Mama V asks.
Khumba comes across some cave drawings that depict zebras gaining their stripes from the magic water hole. He works up the courage to head inside Phango's cave, and a few minutes later Seko, Mama V and Bradley arrive at the entrance to the cave. Bradley does some stupid Kung-Fu moves.
Tombi and all the other animals arrive at the flaming branch. They have no way to get through it, so all they can do is hope that Khumba will make it out okay. Speaking of which, Khumba finally meets up with Phango and finally finds the magic water hole that will give him stripes.
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| You can tell that it's magic because it's glowing. And also it's green. Magic water is always glowing and green. |
However, then Khumba realizes that if he goes into the water hole, he'll look just like everybody else, and that being different is a good thing and blah-blah-blah. Then Phango snarls, "It was foretold that a half-striped zebra would be born... and make one of us the most powerful leopard that ever lived! But I killed my own clan so that I... could have YOU..." Khumba makes a run for it, Phango in hot pursuit, and eventually he's cornered at the magic water hole.
"You are the half... the half that will complete me..." Phango growls (which sounds reaaaaaaaally dirty to me). "You can't change who you are, Phango!" Khumba says. Phango replies, "There's only ONE WAY TO FIND OUT!" and pounces, knocking them both into the water. The cave starts to crumble, and soon everyone down below sees water rushing out of it. And soon, Phango and Khumba emerge from it as well.
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| Could Khumba just defeat him already so I can end this review? PLEASE? |
"You're getting under my skin, Khumba!" Phango snaps. Khumba does some jumping from rock to rock as the zebras below cheer him on. One thing leads to another, and eventually Phango ends up falling to his doom. Upon seeing this, Skulk says, "Nice knowin' ya."
But then Khumba winds up falling, too. Everybody gets all sad, it starts to rain, depressing music plays, but of course it turns out that he's okay. Everybody's happy, the magic water hole was apparently bogus as Khumba didn't gain any stripes, but that's okay because Khumba has learned a valuable lesson about how being different is good, the zebras' little slice of desert is now open to ALL animals, the sheep is still insane, Nigel is still an idiot, Jake T. Austin receives a paycheck and I can finally end this review. THE END.
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| Who rubbed Vaseline on the camera lens? |
Oh, wait. The review's not over. I still need to say what I thought of the movie.
WHAT'S THE VERDICT?
I can sum this film up in one word: BORING. The movie just drags on and on, I honestly felt like it would never end. There are some good things, of course - Steve Buscemi, Jeff Bennett, and Liam Neeson all give great performances, and the animation's solid. But very few of the characters are interesting, the jokes aren't funny, the story's cliched, and the entire film is dull as dirt. This is without a doubt the most boring animated film I've reviewed for this blog yet. If you want to watch a movie by Triggerfish Animation Studios, you'd be better off watching Adventures in Zambezia.
Phew... that's it. The review is over. Nothing more to see here, folks. Move along...
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