Let's Watch This: An Episode of "The Roman Holidays"

I've said this multiple times, but if something in animation is successful, you can expect other animation studios to try and cash-in on its success - even if the animation company attempting to cash-in on whatever it is that's successful is the very same animation company who made the successful thing that it's trying to cash-in on in the first place!

Case in point, Hanna-Barbera had a hit with The Flintstones. So they made ANOTHER animated sitcom taking place in another time period, The Jetsons. THAT was really successful too, so they decided to it a THIRD time. The result was a little show called The Roman Holidays.

The Roman Holidays was basically The Flintstones or The Jetsons in Ancient Rome, focusing on a stereotypical sitcom family living in the days of colosseums and gladiators. The head of the family - the Fred of the show - was Augustus "Gus" Holiday (voiced by Wacky Races narrator Dave Willock). He was married to Laurie Holiday (Shirley Mitchell) and they had two kids: teenage son Happius (Stanley Livingston) and kid daughter Precocia (Pamelyn Ferdin). They also had a pet lion, Brutus, voiced by Daws Butler using his Snagglepuss voice (though he didn't really talk - he just said things like "Growl", "Snarl", and "Whimper"). To make the comparisons to The Flintstones even more blatant, they even use animals in place of household appliances every so often. The show premiered on NBC in September of 1972.

Did the show succeed in becoming another Flintstones? That would be a no. It only lasted thirteen episodes before getting cancelled. Unlike Hanna-Barbera's other "sitcom in another time period" shows, it didn't get any spin-offs or movies or anything like that. It got a comic book, though... a comic book that only got four issues, but still. Why did it fail? I don't know. Why don't we watch an episode and see if we can figure out why The Roman Holidays turned out to be a yabba-dabba-dud? Specifically, we'll be watching the episode "Hero-Sandwiched" (I just picked an episode of the show at random). Let's meet the Roman Holidays!

The episode begins at some place called "Tycoonius Industries", which is apparently some sort of bank where they just hand out free money. Is that a thing that banks do? Or at least used to do? Anyhow, Gus complains about how long the line is. Then some robbers show up and steal all the money because robbers do that.

This leads to our first example of Flintstones-style "animals used in place of appliances" joke - the guy behind the counter has an "alarm" that consists of him pulling on a jaguar's tail, causing the jaguar to howl in pain, which in turn alerts a parrot who starts ringing a bell. Even ignoring the fact that this is technically animal abuse, wouldn't it be easier to just ring the bell yourself and have THAT be the alarm?

Oh, hey, the generic "fat thug and skinny thug" duo we've seen in a bunch of other animated things.
It's never two fat thugs or two skinny thugs, is it?

On their way out, they swipe the sash from Gus' toga, and he winds up being dragged along for their getaway. When all the other folks in town see this, they assume Gus is chasing the crooks and start talking about how brave he is. Even the THIEVES think he's chasing after them, and nobody notices the sash connecting Gus to the chariot. Clearly everyone in ancient Rome needs glasses.

Eventually, the thieves are stopped by a traffic cop, and some woman tells him that Gus caught the thieves - one of whom is Fingers Felonius, the city's most wanted criminal. Zhe odds, vhat are zhey?

That's a pretty advanced-looking camera for Ancient Rome.

So now everybody thinks that Gus is a hero. Usually in cartoons, when a character is assumed to have stopped some robbers or saved a bunch of people or something like that, they're all for it and start acting like they're the greatest thing since sliced bread. But Gus? He insists to his family that he is not, in fact, a hero. He might be George Jetson in a toga, but he's not a hero.

Hey, what about the traffic cop? HE'S the one who made the thieves stop. Why isn't HE getting the "he's a hero" treatment?

This screencap of Brutus holding Gus and making that face looks kind of
suggestive out of context, doesn't it?

Brutus kisses Gus, prompting Laurie to quip, "See the way he LIONIZES you?" Nyuck nyuck nyuck. Puns. Then the family gets a visit from landlord Mr. Evictus (Dom DeLuise). Get it? Evictus? Usually, Mr. Evictus is a grouchy fella, but he's actually in a pleasant mood for once. He thanks Gus, for because of his selfless act, he can double the tenants' rent. "It costs extra to live next door to a national hero!" he says.

Oh, great. Now the other tenants are gonna suffer because of Gus.

Was this Dom DeLuise's first voice acting job?

After that, Gus gets a call from his boss, Mr. Tycoonius (Hal Smith). He says that they're going to throw a big dinner in Gus' honor that night. Gus faints. As for me, I'm just wondering why they have telephones in Ancient Rome. I'm no expert on telephones or Ancient Rome, but I'm pretty sure that telephones weren't invented until long after the days of Ancient Rome. I know, I know, it's a cartoon, I shouldn't expect historical accuracy, but still...

Seriously, that's a pretty modern-looking (well, modern-looking in the 1970s, at least) phone
for a show taking place in Ancient Rome.

At the dinner, Gus is presented with a medal. And it's only NOW that he lets the fame of being a supposed hero go to his head. I knew it was only a matter of time. When he gets home, he makes out with his reflection in a mirror. No, really. I think even Zapp Brannigan would be rolling his eyes at that.

In the middle of the night, Gus is woken up by a tiny duplicate of himself who claims to be his conscience.

"I thought consciences looked like crickets..."

"You're beginning to think you ARE a hero!" his conscience complains. "Fooling other people is bad enough, but fooling YOURSELF is a far worse crime! Trying to live up to this hero image could be your downfall!" But we can't have Gus deciding to tell the truth just yet or else the episode will be over in five seconds, so he tells his conscience to bug off.

Gus continues to act like he's basically the Hercules of Ancient Rome as he heads off to work. On his way there, he runs into this guy.

Just look at those teeth!

He introduces himself as "Ten Percentium" (clearly voiced by John Stephenson), an agent, and encourages Gus to go into show business (there's no business like it, after all). "Sign with me and I'll book you on the Johnny Carsonious show!" he boasts. Yes, apparently Johnny Carson existed in Ancient Rome too. I don't know about you, but I'm learning a lot from this cartoon.

You know what I just realized? This episode has the exact same plot as Shark Tale. Should I be concerned about that?

Gus quits his job at the factory, then his conscience shows up again and tries to get Gus to stop acting like such an arrogant moron, but it doesn't do any good. Soon he's appearing on the Johnny Carsonious show alongside superstar "Va Va Glamore". Guess which celebrity SHE'S supposed to be a parody of (hint: it's not Dolly Parton).

This is Johnny Carsonious. He has the ability to make his top half levitate.

Va Va Glamore starts flirting with Gus, and he's totally eating it up despite, y'know, BEING MARRIED. His family is watching the show on TV or whatever the Ancient Rome equivalent of a TV is called, and Laurie is understandably none too pleased to see that.

"I've always had a thing for Fred Flintstone wannabes..."

After the appearance on Johnny Carsonious, Gus goes on a six-month tour. Again, what about the TRAFFIC COP? Shouldn't HE be treated like a hero to? How come GUS is getting all the glory?

And then guess who shows up yet again?

"How many times must I tell you to stop being such a tool?!"

The conscience guilt-trips Gus by showing him how much his family needs him. Since he hasn't been home in six months, Laurie has to do the ironing and washing.

Well, at least the elephant's happy to help her.

And little Precocia has been reduced to standing on the curb selling flowers. And just to add insult to injury, she's allergic to fresh petunias!

I think even Dick Dastardly would look at Gus at this point and go, "Wow, this guy is
despicable."

And what about Happius? He's shining sandals on some street corner!

How does he avoid shining the rest of the foot? That sounds rather difficult with sandals...

Even Brutus is suffering - he's been forced to beg door to door for scraps. And despite his impressive fiddle-playing, he gets a door slammed in his face! What the heck?! If I opened the door and saw a lion standing on two legs playing the fiddle (or ANY type of musical instrument, for that matter), I'd be pretty impressed...

At least he's not hungry enough to start eating people. He IS a lion, after all...

And yet, despite seeing all of that, Gus tells his conscience that he can't quit now - he's due on the Martin Dino show. Gus is such a likeable character, isn't he? I thought the theme song said that we would LOVE Gus. I do NOT "love" Gus. I don't even kinda like Gus.

Is it wrong to say that I hope he gets punched in the face at some point?

Then Gus and Ten Percentium come across a boy selling newspapers. "Extra! Extra! Hero saves Leaning Tower from falling!" he yells. "We got a NEW hero now!" Yes, a guy named Flavio Octavio has been named "Hero of the Year" for preventing the Leaning Tower of Pisa from collapsing, and upon finding this out Ten Percentium tells Gus to take a hike. I probably shouldn't be satisfied by this, but y'know what? Gus still refuses to cancel a booking on a talk show after finding out that his young daughter has to stand on the curb selling something she's allergic to in order to pay the bills (or whatever the Ancient Rome equivalent of bills are). I consider this karma.

Fortunately, this makes Gus realize that he's been acting like a massive tool. "I should've told the truth in the beginning," he moans. But, hey, at least he still has his wife... OR DOES HE?

Okay, that's literally just Fred from Scooby-Doo with a perm.

Yes, the Karma Train just a-keeps on chuggin' down the track - Laurie has hooked up with Flavio Octavio! Likely out of revenge for seeing Gus soak up all that flirting from Va Va Glamore earlier. Gus winds up getting into a brawl with Flavio... and then wakes up. Apparently, everything after the dinner was just a dream. So Gus ISN'T such a massive jerk after all!

Gus tells the entire town that he is not, in fact, a hero. "I'm a phony," he says. But his family is proud of him for telling the truth. Even his boss is proud - he's so proud that he gives him a promotion. The end.

BUT WHAT ABOUT THE TRAFFIC COP?

What's the Verdict?

To be honest, The Roman Holidays is another one of Hanna-Barbera's more mediocre shows. It isn't awful or anything, it just doesn't have much going for it. The show does a rather lousy job of hiding its being a Flintstones clone (I think even The Jetsons did more to stand out). The jokes aren't all that funny. The characters? Well, for one thing, it's a bad sign when your character acts like an egotistical tool who neglects his family for a good chunk of the episode. The only thing preventing Gus from being one of my most disliked characters in all of the shows that I've looked at on my blog thus far is that it was all just a dream and he isn't REALLY like that. The wife is basically just Jane Jetson 2.0, not much of a personality and just there to be the loving wife and mother. And the kids and Brutus don't have enough screentime in this episode for me to really judge them.

Look, I'll admit that few of Hanna-Barbera's shows are on the same level, complexity-wise, as Shakespeare or Warner Brothers' cartoons or anything like that. A lot of animated shows aren't (I mean, come on, you can't tell me that My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic is a super-complex show). Hanna-Barbera's shows are carried almost entirely by the characters. The more charm one of their characters has, the better their productions are. Wally Gator, Magilla Gorilla, and Yogi Bear aren't super-complex characters, but they don't NEED to be. They've got friendly personalities, great voices, funny lines, and distinct character designs. They work their way into our minds and stick around for a while because we like them. So what if they don't have as many layers as an onion or an ogre? We don't watch Hanna-Barbera cartoons because we're expecting multi-layered writing. We watch them because goofy talking animals make us laugh.

Bottom line, the characters are the main difference between a good Hanna-Barbera production and a bad Hanna-Barbera production. The more memorable the show's characters are, the better the show is. The characters in The Roman Holidays are dull and unmemorable. My advice would be to just rewatch The Flintstones or The Jetsons instead.

What are we looking at next time?

Let's Watch This: "Tom Sawyer" (2000)

I've never actually read the original Tom Sawyer book. My experience with Tom Sawyer-related things basically amounts to Tom Sawyer Island at Disney World and the episodes of Futurama and The Fairly OddParents where he appears. That's it. However, I am pretty sure that in the original book, Tom Sawyer wasn't a cat.

This film was produced by MGM Animation, directed by Paul Sabella and Phil Mendez. Much like Disney's Robin Hood, it turned all of the book's characters into animals - most of them cats, because I guess cats are easy to draw or something. I probably won't be going into how much the film strays from the book because, again, I have never read it. And I know what you're thinking... doesn't my never having read the book make me unqualified to do a review of an adaptation of it? Well, I've never read the original Little Mermaid story either, but that doesn't stop me from liking the movie. And isn't a rule of good adaptations that they should be enjoyable even if whoever's watching it hasn't read the original book? Or am I just making that up?

Well, anyway, this is Tom Sawyer.

We begin by following a dragonfly to a church, where a pig preacher (voiced by Marty Stuart) is leading a gospel number. Did you know that when Robin Hood was in production, they were originally going to have Friar Tuck be a pig, but they made him a badger instead because they were worried that members of the Catholic Church would be offended? With that in mind, it's kind of odd that we have a pig be a preacher in THIS film...

Everybody's havin' themselves a grand ole time, but then the festivities are interrupted by this guy bargin' in:

Have I ever mentioned how much drool grosses me out?

This is Injurin' Joe, a character who was called "Injun Joe" in the original novel but we can't call him that in a kids' movie because it's politically incorrect. Oddly enough, he's voiced by two people - Hank Williams Jr. and Kevin Michael Richardson. And judging from the fact that he swipes the poor box, I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that he's the villain.

But surely the town sheriff (Pat Corley) and his deputy (Thom Adcox Hernandez) will stop Injurin' Joe, right? Well, actually, no... the sheriff is too afraid that he might hurt them. On the one hand, Injurin' Joe is a big, ferocious grizzly bear and the sheriff is some sort of dog (a bulldog, maybe?), but on the other hand, it's the sheriff's job to stop people from doing evil things. Surely he knew the job was dangerous when he took it.

Boy, Satchel from Get Fuzzy has really let himself go...

Meanwhile, at Mama Odie's house...

That looks like a precarious place to live, doesn't it?

We finally get to see Tom Sawyer himself, voiced by Rhett Akins. At the moment, he's fast asleep, dreaming about being in a Fleischer Studios cartoon.

Puss in Boots after a visit to Jenny Craig.

In his dream, he's a pirate. And he's fighting pirates. Question, did the original book have anything to do with pirates? Like, at all?

What about knights? Because one second later, he's a knight battling a dragon.

Even the horse has stick arms and legs. Not a fan of this art style.

And then he's a cowboy.

Seriously, it looks like the horse's head is going to pop off its body.

And then he's... Ali Baba, I guess, being seduced by what is presumably the only human character in the movie. This raises all sorts of questions... do humans exist in this world of anthropomorphic animals? If so, do the animals know about them? If not, why is this being in Tom's dream human, or at least has a human face?

And why is it trying to seduce him? Does Tom have a thing for humans, despite being
a cat?

And then he's an Indiana Jones knockoff, swiping a gem from a tribe of African natives. Yes, it's just as racist as it sounds. We swapped out "Injun Joe" for "Injurin' Joe", and yet THIS was allowed in.

I'll spare you a screencap of the natives.

Tom is woken up by his Aunt Polly (Betty White). He lives with her and his half-brother Sid (Dean Haglund). He also has a pet frog named Rebel (Dee Bradley Baker), who Polly and Sid are grossed out by. "I thought you made it perfectly clear that you didn't want wildlife in the house!" Sid whines. So, there are non-anthropomorphic animals in this world of anthropomorphic animals? I suppose it's not too bad since we haven't seen any anthropomorphic frogs yet, but it's still a headscratcher. It can't just be that only the mammals are anthropomorphic like in Zootopia, we see anthropomorphic birds too.

Also, what kind of frog is that supposed to be? The coloring suggests a poison dart, but they're native to South America so I don't know what one would be doing in Missouri, and physically it resembles a bullfrog...

"Binyah binyah!"

Polly throws Rebel out the window, then complains about how he smashed one of her flowerpots despite the fact that it was her own fault for tossing him out the window in the first place. Sid demonstrates that he's a snide little pain in the rear by telling Tom not to be late for school or else he'll tell their aunt. Though, honestly, I think the big round glasses, hairdo, and bow tie made it pretty clear already that he's one of those "nasty little snitch at school" type of characters.

I swear I've seen a character who looks just like him - same hairstyle and all - in another cartoon,
but I can't put my finger on WHERE...

On their way to school, Tom and Sid come across Huckleberry Finn, a fox voiced by Mark Wills who Sid dislikes because he's always loafin' around fishin' all day instead of getting a good education. Tom insists that Huck doesn't even HAVE to go to school because he's already so smart, to which Sid claims that he's gonna tell Aunt Polly about this. "I like being a snitch!" he declares, chuckling to himself as he leaves. Sid's only been on-screen for, like, five minutes and already I find him incredibly annoying. I know I'm supposed to, but still...

"How should we design Tom?"
"I dunno, maybe take the cat from Oliver and Company and give him hair, then stick
some clothes on him..."

Tom decides to spend some time with Huck instead of following Sid to school. We learn that Huck doesn't take baths - he sees them as a waste of water, since no matter how many baths you take you're just gonna have to take another one. I bet he smells really bad then. Tom tells him about his weird dream, which Huck dubs a "premonition" as he's heard that Redbeard the Pirate buried his treasure around these parts. "I betcha it's in the Boneyard!" he says with a smirk. Upon hearing that, Tom wets his pants. What is the Boneyard? Are we going to get any sort of explanation as to what the Boneyard is?

"Don't ask my why I wear overalls but can't be bothered to put on a shirt. We're animals, it's not
like clothin' is a requirement for us anyhow..."

Then two more cats show up. They are Rebecca "Becky" Thatcher, Tom's love interest voiced by Hynden Walch, and her father, Judge Thatcher, voiced by Wayon Jennings. And upon learning that Rebecca will be attending his school starting that very day, Tom is suddenly super eager to get to school because his being head over heels in love trumps his hatred for the place.

Rebecca reminds me a lot of Jenny from the Secret of NIMH sequel. Most of it probably
stems from the fact that they're both voiced by Hynden Walch, but they have the same color scheme
and general role in the movie too. Odd, isn't it?

Tom sneaks into the school building without the teacher, Mr. Dobbins, noticing. Mr. Dobbins is some sort of bird... I'm guessing a turkey, and he's voiced by Richard Kind. Alas, Sid decides to alert Mr. Dobbins of Tom's being late.

Okay, question - if this guy is supposed to be a turkey, why does he have the coloring of a
GOOSE? Turkeys aren't light grey. Of course, they don't talk, have hair, or wear clothes either, so...

Mr. Dobbins punishes Tom by... forcing him to sit with the girls. Horror of horrors. He doesn't mind, because this gives him the chance to put the moves on Becky.

"Are we in the sandbox? 'Cause I'm diggin' you..."

Side note, I always find it really distracting when cartoons give animals human hairstyles. I think it's because animals like cats are already covered with fur, so it makes me wonder which parts are considered "fur" and which parts are considered "hair". That, and it just looks weird. Could be worse, though... at least it's not like Gadget from Chip 'n' Dale Rescue Rangers, where the "fur" parts are skin-colored, which makes it look like they don't have fur at all outside of the hair on their heads...

Incidentally, Tom's flirting with Becky makes him a bit unlikeable seeing as we promptly lean that he's ENGAGED to another student, Amy Lawrence (Clea Lewis). Which is odd, seeing as they're kids... at least I think they're kids. None of the voice actors are making any sort of effort to actually SOUND like kids. If they go to school, they have to be teenagers at the very least.

"TELL ME MOOOOOOOOOOOOORE ABOUT MY EYES!"

Rebel winds up sneaking into the school - probably because Mr. Dobbins left the window open like an idiot - and as a result we get some WHACKY SHENANIGANS involving him jumping into Mr. Dobbins' mouth and down his throat. Get it? He's got a frog in his throat? Nyuck nyuck nyuck.

This is a wonderful screencap because, out of context, it's unclear just WHAT, exactly, is going on.

After the torturing of Mr. Dobbins concludes, Tom and Becky do some more flirting. Reminder: Tom is engaged.

I just realized something. Tom is a cat. As in a TOMcat. I see what they did there. Come to think of it, why didn't they call the movie Tomcat Sawyer? Did they think it was too on the nose or something?

Are you FELINE the romance that's goin' on between these two?

Get it? FELINE? Because they're... yeah, I'll show myself out...

Through a montage, we see that Judge Thatcher don't approve of Tom havin' a thing for his daughter. For some reason. Maybe he knows that Tom's engaged?

The next day, Tom wants to do some fishing, but Aunt Polly has put him in charge of painting her boat while she and Sid go out for the day. The solution - trick some of the other kids (most of whom are clearly voiced by Dee Bradley Baker) into thinking that painting a boat is fun, fun, fun so that they'll ask if THEY can do the painting for him. He does this through song... and by "song", I mean he and the other characters speak in rhyme to some bouncy music.

Why the heck does the turtle have hair? Turtles do not have hair!

Say, wasn't it a FENCE Tom tricked somebody into painting for him in the book?

Eventually, Becky shows up, and she and Tom do some more flirting. His girlfriend who looks like a cat version of Lila from Hey Arnold is, understandably, not pleased. Fortunately, Tom gets his comeuppance for being a two-timer when Becky tricks him into kissing Rebel.

And Rebel didn't even turn into a prince.

That night, Tom and Rebel sneak out to meet up with Huck and do some treasure-huntin'. They go to the Boneyard, which as it turns out is some sort of cemetery. But they're not the only ones there. Injurin' Joe is forcing a dog voiced by Don Knotts to dig for the treasure as well. And guess who else is there? The town deputy! "This here belongs to the county!" he declares upon seeing the treasure chest.

Then the film takes a really dark turn as Injurin' Joe actually kills the deputy. No, he doesn't tear him limb from limb as you'd expect a big ol' grizzly bear to do, he throws him through the air and he slams his head on a tombstone. Still, that's pretty dark. Maybe they should've called this guy Murderin' Joe.

Not only that, but he also leaves the Don Knotts dog... well, okay, his name is Mutt Potter, I suppose I should probably mention that because just calling him "the Don Knotts dog" sounds lazy... in the pit with the deputy's badge so that everyone will think Mutt killed the deputy. Tom and Huck manage to get away, but Rebel isn't so lucky. Don't worry, he's not killed like the deputy was. Still, being the hostage of a ferocious bear doesn't exactly sound like much fun.

Injurin' Joe really needs a manicure.

Tom knows that if Injurin' Joe finds out he and Huck were the ones who saw what he did to the deputy, they will likely suffer the same fate. So they decide not to tell anyone what they saw. Meanwhile, Sheriff Fu Dog is woken up by a note wrapped through a rock flyin' through his window. The note reads "Mutt Potter is out cold in the ol' boneyard. He sure needs help. Unknown friend..."

The sheriff goes to the boneyard and, of course, assumes that Mutt killed the deputy despite his insistence that he doesn't remember anything. "You're gonna HANG, Potter!" he snarls. "You're gonna HANG from the HIGHEST TREE!"

Becky arrives early at school and sneaks a peek at Tom's test paper. As usual, he got an "F". Then she accidentally spills ink all over it. Tom tries to help clean it off with his tail, but winds up smudging it more. Becky's all "I'm in so much trouble!". Tom suggests that she do what he always does - lie. "You mean, not tell the truth?!" Becky gasps. Yes, Becky, that's basically the definition of lying.

"Lie?! As in, MAKE SOMETHING UP?!"

When Mr. Dobbins shows up and sees the spilled ink, Amy tattles on Becky (shouldn't that be Sid's job?), but Tom claims that HE spilled the ink and he has the ink on his tail to prove it. Mr. Dobbins punishes him by whacking him on the behind with a ruler multiple times. Apparently, it was okay to do that when the novel was first released. These days, Mr. Dobbins would be lucky not to get a pink slip.

"Feel the wrath of my ruler, Offbrand Danny from Cats Don't Dance!"

After school, Huck warns Tom that he thinks Injurin' Joe is on to them. This makes Tom very paranoid, and eventually he winds up running right into Becky again. You know what that means - MORE FLIRTING! Oh, and Amy just so happens to be nearby. I don't even get it. If Tom already has Amy, why does he even need to put the moves on Becky? What does Becky have that Amy doesn't?

Then Becky and Amy start singing. For whatever reason, Becky's singing is done by Lee Ann Womack and Amy's singing is done by Alecia Elliott. Did they think that Hynden Walch and Clea Lewis couldn't sing or something? Did they just want to get more country singers into the film somehow?

Well, eventually Becky finds out that Tom is, y'know, engaged and she's pretty mad. That's what you get for being a two-timer, Tom.

That night, Tom and Huck head off to bring a ham to Mutt in the hopes that it'll help him remember what happened the night that Injurin' Joe killed the deputy. Too bad they just so happen to be walkin' by Brer Fox's den...

"That Brer Rabbit won't get away this time. I'm gonna catch him and then I'm gonna eat him
or hang him or skin him or maybe throw him in the briar patch!"

...I mean, Injurin Joe's lair, and he overhears them. As does Rebel, who hops out of the lair to find them, Joe in pursuit.

Wait, if pigs are anthropomorphic in this world, where did they get the ham? Did Tom and Huck...
you know?

After bringing Mutt the ham, Tom, Huck, and Rebel are pursued by Joe through the woods, but they manage to get away via a convenient raft. Presumably, they are swept out to sea, and eventually wash up on an island. When the sun rises, they discover a pile of rocks that just so happens to look a lot like Redbeard's ship...

Boy, this movie is long...

And instead of being concerned that they're stranded on a deserted island with no food or shelter, or that Mutt is still going to get hanged, or that Injurin' Joe is still running free, Tom and Huck have themselves a musical number about friendship, prancing around through a Technicolor landscape where EVERYTHING IS ALIVE. Flowers, clouds, leaves, even the water! THE WATER IS ALIVE. I hate to steal a line from the Nostalgia Critic, but... it's like Pee-Wee's Earth!

Sentient water should not be that terrifying.

Seriously, this whole sequence MUST BE SEEN TO BE BELIEVED. By the time we get to the leaf-breathing dragon showing up, you'd be forgiven for thinking you're on acid.

And why does the dragon have a beak? I know that's hardly the strangest thing in this
musical number, but still...

So after whatever the heck we just watched, we see Aunt Polly, Sid, Becky, the sheriff, Judge Thatcher, and that skunk kid finding the remains of Huck's raft and Tom's boot. They form themselves a search party and, fortunately, eventually drift by the island where Tom and Huck are. Tom and Huck try to get their attention, but are unable to. So, first thing in the morning, Tom says, they're gonna swim back and let them know they're okay... why do they have to wait until morning? Why not try and swim after the rafts right now? Is it just easier to swim in the daylight or something?

But wait, Huck points out. Injurin' Joe is still looking for them, right? Tom says that they'll disguise themselves and live in storm cellars like outlaws. So, wait, hang on... they want to let the townsfolk know they're okay, but they want to disguise themselves and essentially live like outlaws? Why don't they just tell the sheriff "Hey, Injurin' Joe is the one who killed the deputy, and now he's out for us!"?

Well, in the morning, they wind up crashing their wake. So everyone knows that they're still alive. But what about Mutt? He's still gonna get a noose around his neck. Tom wants to clear his name, but Injurin' Joe shows up at the lynching. If he blabs, Injurin' Joe will have his neck. What will Tom do?

Oh, of COURSE he does the right thing. "Injurin' Joe did it!" he shouts. Joe chases after him and Huck, and the sheriff actually decides to do something about it.

I know bears are big, but are they really THAT big? Is Joe just abnormally large? Or are the rest
of the characters just small?

Long story short, Joe winds up falling through a bridge and into the river. And the river leads to a waterfall because of course it does. Tom and Huck are heroes. Tom and Becky sneak away from the party to do some spelunking... jeez, shouldn't the movie be over by now? The bad guy's been defeated, Mutt's been saved, where the heck are the credits?

At one point during this scene, Tom and Becky see a skeleton. A skeleton that looks more
like a human's than an animal's. This just makes things more confusing.

The others eventually notice that Tom and Becky snuck off and head to the cave to rescue them. And then we get another song. Seriously, shouldn't the movie be over? What is the purpose of this scene? Oh, so they can find that treasure Tom was so determined to get his paws on.

And, as it turns out, for the actual climax. You see, Injurin' Joe somehow survived hurtling over a waterfall and just so happened to land in that very same cave.

Seriously, even for a BEAR Joe looks abnormally large...

Blah blah blah, more chasing, Tom and Becky wind up back in the hot springs of Nickelodeon slime, and the others show up just in time. Huck sics a flock of bats on Joe, allowing Tom and Becky to get away. Then water starts rushing in. Water and rocks. Lots and lots of rocks. One of which clobbers Joe. So, he can survive a waterfall but a ROCK takes Joe out. Okay then...

After that, the roof caves in and this is the result:

A skylight. Not sure how that's impressive...

Amy hooks up with Huck, leaving Tom free to hook up with Becky. Sid is punished for the crime of being a snitch. All's well that ends well.

What's the Verdict?

There isn't anything really "bad" about Tom Sawyer. The animation's good, most of the voice actors do a fine job, and the songs are decent. However, the film does have a few problems. For one thing, it's long. Very, very long. There are a couple pointless scenes that could've easily been taken out. Even the trippy musical number with the sentient water. On top of that, Tom, Huck, and Becky are kind of dull. Making the characters animals was a nice touch, but there's not much variety - it's mostly cats and dogs. Why couldn't they have made the Sheriff, I dunno, a raccoon or a weasel or something? Or made Amy a mountain lion or a bobcat?

Still, as a whole I think the film is okay. Like I said, I haven't read the original book so I don't know how many liberties this adaptation took (other than the whole "they're all animals" thing). Maybe somebody who's actually read the book can fill me in.

What are we reviewing next time?

Let's Watch This: An Episode of "Pink Panther and Sons"

It's a common thing in cartoons - you want to give your character a kid sidekick or two, but you don't want to imply that an iconic cartoon character, y'know, did the nasty. What to do, what to do? Then you come up with a solution... don't give them a son, give them a nephew! Yep, you saddle them with a nephew or niece, likely never bothering to explain where exactly said nephew or niece's parents are. Examples of this include (of course) Donald Duck's nephews, Mickey Mouse's nephews, Inspector Gardget's niece, Popeye's nephews, and Woody Woodpecker's nephew and niece.

However, there ARE exceptions to this. Perhaps the most well-known example is Goofy, who starred alongside his son Max in such productions as Goof Troop and A Goofy Movie (though he also has a nephew who appears in a couple comic books). Sylvester the Cat also had a son, Sylvester Jr., and he's... relatively well-known, I guess? But did you know that the Pink Panther also had kids? Two of 'em, in fact.

Pink Panther and Sons was actually NOT made by the Pink Panther's home studio of DePatie-Freling Enterprises (as it existed as an in-name-only enterprise at the time after being absorbed by Marvel Productions), but rather at Hanna-Barbera Productions, with Friz Freling serving as a producer. It premiered on NBC in 1984, then moved to ABC in 1986. The show focused on the Pink Panther's kids, preteened Pinky (voiced by Billy Bowles) and toddler Panky (voiced by B.J. Ward) and their friends the Rainbow Panthers, a gang of technicolor panther cubs. They consist of purple panther Chatta (Sherry Lynn), green panther Murfel (Shane McCobb), yellow sports-obsessed panther Rocko (Frank Welker), orange construction worker panther Annie O'Gizmo (Jeannie Elias) and blue panther Punkin (B.J. Ward). They do stuff, occasionally running afoul of a group of bullying lions known as "the Howl Angels". Episodes include...

- Pinky and one of the bully lion dudes compete in a bike race. Predictably, the lion dudes cheat.

- The panthers and the lions play baseball.

- The panthers explore a house that's apparently haunted.

- The panthers renovate their clubhouse, then, um, Panky is abducted by aliens.

- One of those Prince and the Pauper parody episodes seen in like a million other cartoon shows.

Yeah, just a bunch of stock cartoon plots.

Why exactly does Pink Panther and Sons exist? Well, my best guess is that they felt having a bunch of cute panther cubs running around would result in mucho merchandising sales (noticeably, the panther cubs look more like Care Bears than they do the Pink Panther). Twenty-six episodes of the show were made before the show got cancelled, and the Pink Panther's sons and the Rainbow Panthers were never seen or heard from again. While there are of course people who look back on the show fondly, I've seen the show pop up on a few lists of Hanna-Barbera's worst shows. One such list states that "There’s a few things that make Pink Panther and Sons probably the worst cartoon Hanna-Barbera ever made. The sheer irritation factor of the Rainbow Panther characters cannot be overstated. They all have overstated vocal tics and they all speak in high-pitched simpering voices that could easily be used to cut glass. To help keep the animation cheap, every episode is loaded down with long, rambling dialog sequences that are completely unbearable."

What are MY thoughts on the show? Let's find out! We'll be watching the episode "Take a Hike".

The episode begins with the Pink Panther ditching his sons and their friends on the side of the road. Great parenting, Pink Panther!

Oh, my head. The episode just started and I just said something nasty about one of my favorite cartoon characters. I feel dirty.

Anyhow, the panthers are apparently there to go hiking. And the Pink Panther isn't hiking with them because... I don't know. Maybe he just wanted to get out of this cartoon.

By the way, Rocko sounds like Sheldon from Garfield and Friends. I know they're both
voiced by Frank Welker, but still...

Punkin shows off his camera, which he brought along so he could take pictures for his class project. They head off on their hike, and eventually arrive at a river with a rickety old unsafe bridge. Oh, no. How will they ever cross it? Well, from what I've read some panthers are able to swim. So you could hypothetically just SWIM across the river.

Here's a question, though admittedly it might be considered a nitpick: how come the Pink Panther's sons talk, but the Pink Panther himself (usually) doesn't? And how come they wear clothes, but the Pink Panther himself (again, usually) doesn't?

Whoever built that sign could've used the wood to actually, y'know, FIX
the bridge. Just sayin'.

"Now we can't get to the forest!" Rocko complains. Fortunately, Chatta knows of a sturdier bridge downstream that they can cross. But as the panthers are walking off, Panky is distracted by a grasshopper and runs off in the opposite direction. The good news is, he has a grip on a thread on Pinky's sweater, and thus Pinky notices this and reins him back in.

Who the heck names their kid "Panky" anyway?

Predictably, Panky winds up getting distracted again - first by a butterfly, then by a baby eagle - and winds up wandering off. As Panky is interacting with the baby eagle, Pinky finds out again that his baby brother has vamoosed. "Oh, terrific! I spend half my day looking for that kid!" he complains. So now the hike is on hold until they can find Panky.

Say, I wonder what the Pink Panther is doing right now. It's gotta be much more interesting than this.

Anyhow, we get some WACKY SHENANIGANS involving Chatta shouting through a megaphone and the others getting knocked into a river. Pinky suggests that they split into search parties of two. Meanwhile, a bald eagle - presumably the parent of the chick - notices Panky with its chick and gets MAD.

Here's a tip, eagle - for dry, red eyes, Clear Eyes is AWESOME.

It grabs the chick and places it back in its nest with its other chicks, then places Panky in the nest too so he can hang out with the chicks... this is so boring. I can't think of a single joke to make about this.

Okay, now back to Pinky and his friends. Punkin wanders into a cave and complains that it's too dark in there for him to see anything. I know black panthers can see in the dark, but apparently blue and pink panthers can't. But blue and pink panthers can talk and walk around on their hind legs while black panthers can't, so I guess it kind of evens out?

Pinky suggests that he use the flash on his camera. I guess neither of them thought to bring a flashlight.

I swear they use this exact same animation of Pinky talking at least four times throughout
the episode.

Predictably, the cave winds up being the home of a large bear - and when Punkin uses the flash, it ticks off the bear (because large bears in cartoons that aren't one of the main characters are always ticked off by the main characters somehow. It's just inevitable), and it gives chase. And I'm pretty sure that they just pilfered the character design of Lumpjaw from Fun and Fancy Free for this bear, because... well, this is what Lumpjaw looks like:

And here's what the bear in this episode looks like:

Pinky and Punkin climb up a tree to escape the bear, then Pinky uses the liverwurst and sauerkraut sandwich in Punkin's backpack to get rid of it. Huzzah, the episode actually had a conflict for a few seconds.

I notice that some of the panthers have colored irises and some of them don't. That's not
particularly interesting, but I couldn't think of a funny joke to make about this screencap.

Pinky tells Punkin to go find his dad to help them. Hurray, the Pink Panther's coming back! Oh, wait, never mind. Punkin promptly runs into a tree, then falls into a river. Darn, here I was expecting the Pink Panther to actually appear in the episode again. I mean, his name IS in the title of the show, right?

Meanwhile, Chatta and Annie find Panky in the eagles' nest, and Chatta tells the others. "How will we get him down from THERE?" Rocko asks. Well, you could always just climb up the tree. Even ignoring for a second that real panthers are perfectly capable of climbing trees, we saw Pinky and Punkin climb a tree just a few minutes ago. Then they hear Punkin calling for help. And wouldn't you know it, the river leads to a waterfall. Because rivers in cartoons ALWAYS lead to waterfalls. No exceptions.

The good news is that even if Punkin DOES go down the waterfall, he'll inevitably survive.
After all, he's A) a cartoon character and B) one of the main characters.

Pinky's plan to save Punkin is a bust, but fortunately he's rescued by the eagle. The other panthers start cheering.

"HOORAAAAAAAAY! WE ACCOMPLISHED NOTHIIIIIIIIIIING!"

So everyone is happy, Annie takes a photo of Panky, Punkin and the Eagles, and the episode comes to an end.

What's the Verdict?

This was so incredibly blah. I don't want to sound rude, but there is nothing of substance here. First of all, the Pink Panther? The beloved cartoon character that has his name in the show's title? Yeah, he's barely in it at all. He shows up for, like, five seconds at the beginning. Instead, we have to focus on his sons and their five stupid friends. And none of them are interesting at all. Not one of the jokes made me laugh. None of the things that make the Pink Panther cartoons so great are featured. It's basically just a generic "group of kids" cartoon. There was no reason for them to slap the Pink Panther's name and likeness on it, other than I guess because they thought it would draw people in. Just... watch some Pink Panther cartoons instead, okay? Trust me, it's a much better way to spend your time. Heck, watch the 1993 show where the Pink Panther talked or the 2010 show Pink Panther and Pals instead. Say what you will about them, but they're still much better than THIS.

It's a shame, too, because I love the Pink Panther AND Hanna-Barbera, so you'd think a Pink Panther show produced by Hanna-Barbera would be right up my alley. Ah well...