Let's Watch This... Again: An Episode of "Mighty Max"

NOTE: Please do not take any of the little nitpicks in this review (or any of my other reviews, for that matter) seriously. I write these reviews in the hopes of making people laugh. Those nitpicks are really just dumb little observations that I'm attempting to make jokes out of, not complaints that add to whether or not I like something.

Wow, it's been a while since I've done a re-review, hasn't it? I wonder why that is. Let's fix it...

Mighty Max, created by Mark Zaslove and Rob Hudnut, was based on a toyline that was kind of like Polly Pocket but for boys. It premiered in September 1993 as part of a syndicated children's block called "Amazing Adventures" and received two seasons and a total of forty episodes. The premise? I'm going to be lazy and copy-paste the description from my first review: a kid named Max, voiced by Rob Paulsen, gets a small statue of a bird one day in the mail. It's inscribed with Egyptian hieroglyphs that translates to, essentially, "Congratulations, kid. You're the Chosen One. Go to the mini-mall and wait for a sign." Max is so shocked that he drops the statue, and inside as it turns out was a magic baseball cap that allows Max to travel through space and time. Long story short, he winds up meeting a magic fowl named Virgil (voiced by Tony Jay) and a Viking named Norman (voiced by Richard Moll). They travel around the world defending it from such foes as brain-sucking aliens, werewolves, a giant octopus, crazy scientists, etc.

I previously reviewed the twenty-fifth episode of the show, "Tar Wars", in which Max and his compadres ventured into the La Brea tar pits and encountered a caveman and a saber-toothed tiger. I found the episode just okay. That was back in 2019, so today I'm going to review another episode of the show, this one part of the first season: the sixth episode, "Rumble in the Jungle". Will I like this one more? Let's find out!

We start off in the jungles of Africa - somewhere in the Congo, I believe - where Max's mother (Tress MacNeille) is being chased by what appear to be members of Tarzan's fan club. Eventually, they corner her in front of a large rock and carry her off, as per the orders of this gorilla watching from nearby. Who IS this strange ape?

Marvin the Martian called, he wants that thing from the top of his helmet back.

Then we cut to Max, lounging in a hammock in his backyard. So apparently Max's mother just left him at home, by himself, while she went off to Africa? I don't know how old Max is supposed to be, but even if he's a teenager, I don't think leaving him at home alone while you go to ANOTHER CONTINENT is a good idea - his father is never seen or mentioned, so apparently his mother is all he's got. Great parenting, Max's mom!

Suddenly, Max sees an airplane doing some skywriting aimed directly at him. It tells him to go to the library and "turn left at Shakespeare". I assume that somewhere in Max's town there's a street named after William Shakespeare and that's what they mean. Either that or there's a section of the library exclusively for Shakespeare's works and he has to turn left when he finds it.

"Oh, crap, I was supposed to write 'SURRENDER DOROTHY', wasn't I? Ah well,
I'm sure the Wicked Witch will understand..."

We never actually see Max at the library, however, we just cut to him being spit out of a portal in the middle of a Roman colosseum. Virgil and Norman are there too, and Virgil tells Max that his mother is in a "great deal of jeopardy"... according to some scrolls he's reading, that is.

"This scroll says that our show is going to fall into obscurity after it's taken off the air
in 1994. We won't even get a DVD release!"

So off Max, Virgil, and Norman head to the Congo, which is apparently very close to Rome seeing as they're able to get there pretty quickly. Unfortunately, the path they're crossing gives way and they fall into the brush below. After that, they find an abandoned jeep, with a tank still full of gas AND the keys still in the ignition. "This reeks of foul play," Virgil claims. Seeing as you're a bird, shouldn't that actually be "FOWL play"?

Please laugh. I'm trying so hard...

Sorry, Max, you're too young to have a driver's license. I think. I still have no idea
what age you're supposed to be.

Then those George of the Jungle cosplayers we saw chasing Max's mother before show up again and give chase. Max momentarily calms them down with the power of rock 'n' roll (good thing he brought his handheld radio), but then that gorilla in Roman duds shows up again in a zebra-pulled chariot and says in the voice of Dr. Claw that rock 'n' roll is the work of evil spirits. "Must prefer Sinatra," Max mutters. Actually, I think a gorilla's favorite genre of music is swing. Get it? 'Cause they're always swinging on vines? At least in cartoons?

...that was at least sort of funny, right?

A screencap from that cult classic, King Kong vs. Emperor Nero.

Fortunately, my jokes aren't the worst ones here: Norman then randomly chuckles and says, "Monkey see, monkey DO." Apparently, he needs to read up on his primate facts, because as we all know, gorillas are APES, not monkeys. Max, Virgil, and Norman make a run for it, the gorillas and cavemen in hot pursuit, eventually diving into a river to get away. But because it's a river in something animated, it leads to... let's see if you can guess. Is it..

A) A waterfall

B) A gift shop

OR C) The house of Max's weird uncle who collects dirt in jars?

If you guessed B or C, I think you need to watch more cartoons...

And why don't people ever put signs in front of rivers reading "WARNING: THIS RIVER LEADS
TO A WATERFALL. DO NOT SWIM IN IT" or something like that?

Over the falls they go, pleasing the Dr. Claw-voiced gorilla. Of course, as soon as the simians leave they emerge from the water, and Virgil suggests that perhaps Max's mother had the misfortune of running into the gorillas as well. "Let's make like an ape and follow them before they get away!" Max says, and they wind up following them to this charming place:

"This is AMAZING! A whole alternate gorilla civilization!" Virgil clucks. "How extraordinary!" Sneaking inside, they discover that the caveman are the gorillas' slaves, forcing them to build things and tying them to posts when they do things to make them mad.

Wait a minute... intelligent anthropomorphic gorillas enslaving primitive humans? I think it's pretty obvious what science fiction movie this episode was inspired by...

Spoiler alert, Max: it was Earth all along! Those maniacs, they blew up the Statue of Liberty! Darn them! Darn them all to Heck!

"I wanna know...
Can you show me?
I wanna know about these strangers like me..."

One of the cavemen shows Max where his mother is - locked in a cell, having to deal with mosquitos. But before they can get them out, the gorillas show up and the leader is all "OH NO YOU DON'T!".

Considering how many pop culture references Max made in "Tar Wars", I fully expect
him to make a Planet of the Apes reference himself at some point.

The gorillas take them to the alpha male of the pack, voiced by Jim Cummings, who does not believe their claims that they come from "beyond the valley". The one in Roman gladiator garb insists that Max and his crew "bring evil thoughts" and that they must be eliminated. "Might doesn't always make right, Bonzo!" Max snaps (for those unaware, this is a reference to the 1950s film about a chimpanzee Bedtime For Bonzo). "We can do things in our world you guys never even DREAMED OF!" For example, they have telephones and laws and airplanes. On the other hand, the gorillas don't have Twitter. Or Discord. So who's better off?

"They bring evil sorcery! They must be destroyed before their words and deeds harm us!" the roman gladiator gorilla declares. The alpha male, however, isn't sure what to think, so he tells them to just lock Max, his mom, Virgil, and Norman up until he makes his decision.

So when does he start singing "I Wanna Be Like You"?

The good guys are able to escape their cell with ease, then Norman gets to quench his thirst for violence by attacking the gorilla guarding it. Then they run into that caveman who helped them before. He gives Max a rock, which as Maxine can tell you make great gifts. In return, Max gives the caveman a comb. "Gee, I hope this doesn't mean we're engaged or anything..." he says, the first line out of his mouth that I actually find funny.

But as they're trying to escape, a gorilla spots them and sounds the alarm. It seems like the gorillas have them trapped... even though one of them is a big, strong Viking who effortlessly plowed through a bunch of the apes just a few seconds ago, but seeing them gives the primitive human slaves the determination to rise up against their gorilla captors, pelting them with rocks and stuff. Is this what they call "gorilla warfare"? Ba-dum kssssh.

"If you have any poo, fling it NOW!"

Eventually, Norman manages to topple over the giant stone gorilla head on top of the temple they're standing on, sending it falling down onto the apes, but even THAT isn't enough to take them out. Geez, I know gorillas are strong, but they're not made of iron. Fortunately, the alpha male shows up and tells everyone to knock it off - but he's still going to have the good guys executed. Max insists that if they just let them leave, they'll never return to the Kingdom of the Apes, but the roman gladiator gorilla... y'know what, since they never mentioned this guy's name, I'm going to call him Larry... doesn't believe there is anywhere outside the kingdom for them to go. "It was only twenty to one! You wouldn't be so tough by yourself!" Max tells him. "Fair enough!" Larry snaps. "I'll fight YOU!" Dang it, Max, what have you gotten yourself into?

"C'mon, couldn't we settle this over a tall frothy glass of Um Bongo? They drink it in the
Congo, don't they?

Max knows that he's no match for, as Virgil puts it, a bloodthirsty eight-hundred-pound gorilla wanting to tear him limb from limb, but don't worry, he has a plan. He asks Virgil for their "portal map", and as soon as Virgil hands it to him, he... makes a run for it. Did he really need the portal map to do that? Well, anyway, he finds the jeep from before and drives off in it, but Larry still manages to catch up. Fortunately, the portal map tells him where to find a portal he can send Larry through.

When Max returns, the alpha male offers to let him take the throne, but Max says he just wants to head home and get a pizza. And for the gorillas to treat the cavemen as equals. The alpha male agrees. Huzzah!

Oh, and in case you're wondering where the portal send Larry to... well, it's SOMEWHERE in the middle of the desert, we know THAT. My headcanon is that it's what eventually became the actual Planet of the Apes. This was a prequel the whole time.

"Dang it, I forgot to TiVo my soap operas..."

When Max gets home, he tells the audience about gorillas and how they're the largest primates on earth. Did you know that there are only 50,000 lowland gorillas and only 320 mountain gorillas left in the whole world... not counting his Aunt Matilda, of course (I hope his mom didn't hear him say that)? "Always do what you can to help the world's wildlife," he tells us. Unless they're anthropomorphic warriors who enslave cavemen and want to have you executed, of course.

What's the Verdict?

I personally liked this episode of Mighty Max better than "Tar Wars". Max was a lot less annoying (I actually found a couple of his quips funny!) and there were a lot less pop culture references. I'm shocked they resisted the urge to make a Planet of the Apes joke. Plus, this episode has Jim Cummings lending his voice to it, and you know what a big fan of him I am. I do wish Virgil had a bit more to do, because he's pretty awesome, and I would've liked some sort of explanation as to how this tribe of anthropomorphic gorillas actually got started... why did these gorillas evolve but seemingly no other jungle animals did? Why are the humans still primitive cavemen?

If you'd like to watch Mighty Max for yourself, you can find episodes on YouTube in varying quality. Apparently, there wasn't ever a DVD release and I don't think it's on any streaming platforms, so that's the only way you can watch it right now. Enjoy.

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Let's Watch This... Again: An Episode of "Hi Hi Puffy AmiYumi"

NOTE: Please do not take any of the little nitpicks in this review (or any of my other reviews, for that matter) seriously. I write these reviews in the hopes of making people laugh. Those nitpicks are really just dumb little observations that I'm attempting to make jokes out of, not complaints that add to whether or not I like something.

NOTE #2: No disrespect is meant towards anyone who worked on the show I am reviewing today. I'm sure they are all very nice and talented people.

NOTE #3: If you like this show, that is great. Go ahead and like it. I'm not judging you.

My first review of Hi Hi Puffy AmiYumi was my first experience with somebody getting really, really mad that I gave a show they liked a negative review. This show does have a lot of fans, so I knew I'd be ticking off SOMEBODY with my review of it (I dubbed it mediocre, which is hardly the worst thing I've said about a cartoon). After I posted it, I was suddenly attacked by hateful comments from somebody who was really, really mad that I criticized it, many of which I could not repeat here because I'd like to keep the blog PG. I guess this troll just really, really liked Hi Hi Puffy AmiYumi and couldn't stand criticism of it. They also apparently really liked Donkey Kong Country and Sidekick because they posted multiple negative comments on my reviews of those shows too (or maybe they didn't actually care about those shows and just wanted a reason to attack me for some other reason. I have no idea).

This is actually part of the reason I decided to do these "re-reviews" - because if I'm going to decide I don't like a show, I should at least review more than one episode. So far, all these re-reviews have done is make it clear that I didn't just happen to watch one of the weaker episodes the first time - the show really IS as bad as I thought. But I'm gonna keep doing re-reviews anyway, and now it's Hi Hi Puffy AmiYumi's turn.

So what IS Hi Hi Puffy AmiYumi? Well, for those of you who haven't read my first review, there exists a Japanese punk rock band called Puffy AmiYumi, consisting of Ami Onuki and Yumi Yoshimura. Sam Register, who in the 2000s was the vice president of Cartoon Network, thought it'd be a good idea to make a cartoon about them. That cartoon premiered in November 2004 and hoooooooooo boy did they promote the heck out of it. It seemed as though they had a new Powerpuff Girls... until Sam Register left Cartoon Network and they cancelled it without bothering to air the remainder of the show's third season. Even if I don't like the show, I don't think any cartoon deserves THAT. At least air all the dang episodes!

Here are the actual Ami and Yumi. They don't look much like the cartoon versions.

The cartoon Ami and Yumi weren't voiced by Ami Onuki and Yumi Yoshimura themselves, but rather by Janice Kawaye and Grey DeLisle-Griffin. They rode around the world in their tour bus with their manager Kaz (voiced by Keone Young) getting into strange adventures. Talent-sucking vampires, robot clones, aliens... nothing was too out-there for Ami and Yumi to encounter. Originally, I was going to review the fifth episode of the show, but the first segment wasn't giving much material to work with, and the seventh one sounded a bit more... for lack of a better phrase, review-worthy. So we're gonna watch THAT.

Let's Watch This... Again: An Episode of "Loonatics Unleashed"

NOTE: Please do not take any of the little nitpicks in this review (or any of my other reviews, for that matter) seriously. I write these reviews in the hopes of making people laugh. Those nitpicks are really just dumb little observations that I'm attempting to make jokes out of, not complaints that add to whether or not I like something.

NOTE #2: No disrespect is meant towards anyone who worked on the show I am reviewing today. I'm sure they are all very nice and talented people.

NOTE #3: If you like this show, that is great. Go ahead and like it. I'm not judging you.

I'm really not sure why I bother with these re-reviews. The second episodes of Ned's Newt and My Gym Partner's a Monkey that I reviewed weren't any better than the ones I reviewed the first time, so why should I expect Loonatics Unleashed to be any better the second time around?

That being said, I know that this... strange little piece of Looney Tunes history does have its fans (or at least it did at one point), and as we've established it's not completely fair to judge a show based on one episode. To fully judge if a show is bad, you need to watch at least TWO episodes of it (or four, if it's one of those shows where each episode is two segments). So here we go again...

For those of you who never read my previous review of the show, Loonatics Unleashed came to be when Looney Tunes Back in Action underperformed because it was given a crappy release date against other family movies, some good (Brother Bear) and some bad (the live action Cat in the Hat. No, I don't know why that did better than Looney Tunes Back in Action either), and poorly advertised. Warner Bros., for some inexplicable reason, came to the conclusion that the film didn't do better because people didn't like the Looney Tunes anymore. What to do? Well, the same year that Looney Tunes Back in Action came out, Teen Titans premiered on Cartoon Network. And since everybody loved Teen Titans, somebody got an idea: "What if we did a Teen Titans knockoff with Looney Tunes characters?".

I can name several reasons why doing a Teen Titans-esque action cartoon with Looney Tunes characters - or rather, their descendants - is a dumb idea. It's like putting Rocky and Bullwinkle in Gargoyles or something. But Warner Bros. did it, and 2005 saw the premiere of Loonatics Unleashed on Kids' WB. Even before the show came out, the world took one look at it and said "This looks stupid." Two seasons were made before the show got the axe in 2007. Since then, the Loonatics have only popped up to be made fun of in shows like Wabbit: A Looney Tunes Production and the Animaniacs reboot.

According to TV Tropes, the show had a chaotic production schedule - animator Chris Duncan complained that they had to finish an episode in just one week, whereas showrunner Ron Myrick said that the art directors somehow believed that they were in charge of the show and demanded that Warner Bros. let them be as dark as possible for a Saturday morning cartoon. This might have contributed to the show only receiving twenty-six episodes.

Okay, so what's the plot of the show? Well, in the year 2772, the planet of Acmetropolis gets a meteor thrown its way, and the meteor releases waves of supernatural energy that cause six random teenagers to gain superpowers. Those teenagers are...

- Bugs Bunny's descendant Ace Bunny (voiced by Charlie Schlatter), who's basically what happens when you stick Bugs and Sonic the Hedgehog in a blender and suck out all the charm.
- Danger Duck (Jason Marsden), Daffy Duck's descendant who's literally just Daffy in all but name.
- Slam Tasmanian (Kevin Michael Richardson), who is the Tasmanian Devil. That's it.
- Lexi Bunny (Jessica DiCicco), the descendant of Lola Bunny... who for some reason is not related to Ace at all, even though logically, if Ace is Bugs' descendant and Lexi is Lola's, then the only possible explanation for their existence is that Bugs and Lola had children... unless Lexi isn't actually Lola's descendant but rather just a clone of her...
- Tech E. Coyote (also Kevin Michael Richardson), Wile E. Coyote's descendant and the smart guy of the team, and the only character I recall kind of liking.
- Rev Runner (Rob Paulsen), the Road Runner's descendant. Unlike the Road Runner, he speaks English, his shtick is that he talks really fast, but he's fortunately not nearly as annoying as other characters who talk really fast (coughcoughPinkiePiecoughcough).

In the first season, the Loonatics themselves were five of the only six characters who had anything to do with Looney Tunes - the sixth being a Foghorn Leghorn-esque guy named Mr. Leghorn (if he's meant to be Foghorn's descendant, does that mean Foghorn married a human being?!). The second season fixed this by bringing in descendants or knockoffs of other Looney Tunes characters like Porky Pig, Sylvester and Tweety, and Yosemite Sam, as well as throwing in more nods to the franchise's history and some more jokes. Did this improve the show at all? Well, today we'll be watching the seventh episode of the show's second season (and the twentieth episode overall), "The Hunter", to find out. This is Loonatics Unleashed - take two.

The episode starts off with an Acmetropolis "Intergalactic Prison Ship" blowing up, followed by one of the smaller ships on it that look like handheld vacuum cleaners flying off towards the planet. Quick question, are we supposed to assume that Acmetropolis is the same thing as Earth? Or is it actually the Save-Ums' planet? Oh, no, did the Save-Ums go extinct because of that meteor?!

I feel like this is what Earth is eventually going to look like if we keep polluting it. Why hasn't
anybody listened to the Lorax?

The spaceship lands above the Acmetropolis Museum, and out falls a previous Loonatics Unleashed villain, Massive (originally voiced by Michael Clarke Duncan but now voiced by Kevin Michael Richardson). He's a-yearnin' to do some destruction - and steal a few paintings, presumably because he's a connessiuer of the fine arts.

Fortunately, who should show up but Ace, Danger, Tech, and Slam. Massive blasts Danger, because Danger's being the Daffy equivalent means that he must fill the role of "character who gets put through the wringer despite doing very little to deserve it aside from being arrogant" that Daffy usually filled in 2000s Looney Tunes productions (see also Duck Dodgers in Attack of the Drones, where Daffy does nothing wrong and gets violently punished for it). Though Danger does wind up knocking into Ace and sending them both flying off a building, so at least he's not the only one taking his lumps.

Okay, so which Looney Tunes character is THIS guy the descendant of? Don't tell me,
I wanna guess it... Gossamer?

After taking out the other Loonatics (where are Lexi and Rev, by the way?), Ace zaps Massive with his laser beam eyes. I wonder, does shooting laser beams from your eyeballs hurt? "Well, Mr. Big and Tall, looks like it's just you and me!" Ace exclaims... or IS it? Not too far away, a mysterious figure materializes on the roof of a building with a gun.

Iron Man?!

The mysterious figure starts talking... and even with the weird filter over it, it's very easy to tell that his voice is that of Elmer Fudd. If they were planning to make this guy's being Elmer's descendant a surprise, they blew it.

So, does he like mutant rabbit stew, or is he a vegetarian who just hunts for the sport of it?
Elmer's reason for hunting varied from short to short, so who knows what this guy's deal is...

We then get the theme song, which in the second season was turned into a horrible, horrible rap. The singer's not even SINGING, he's just SHOUTING and half the time I can't even make out what he's saying. Even Huey, Dewey and Louie's Tasty Paste rap was better than this.

After that, we see Ace still battling Massive, still unaware of Elmer's descendant's presence. Maybe that's because Elmer's descendant is taking his sweet time firing at him. He finally does fire... just as Danger pushes Ace out of the way. It's then revealed that Elmer's descendant doesn't use bullets, he uses those arrows with suction cups on the end. Really? Even Elmer used actual bullets.

Sorry, Danger, looks like it's Duck Season.

The arrow, upon making contact with Danger's rump, sends him flying onto Ace, allowing Massive to get away. Then Danger falls asleep.. for some reason, I guess being a Daffy Duck wannabe really tuckers you out. "Let's get Sleepin' Beauty back to HQ," Ace tells Slam and Tech in his bad Brooklyn accent.

As soon as the Loonatics leave, Elmer's descendant unmasks, revealing himself to be the Loonatics equivalent of Elmer Fudd. Wow, what a twist this would be if we didn't already hear his voice, which was clearly that of Elmer's. Specifically, it's Billy West, who was the official voice of Elmer in the 2000s. I'm not sure why they don't use him as Elmer anymore... not that Jeff Bergman and Eric Bauza's takes are bad, it's just an oddity considering Billy is widely regarded to be the best Elmer voice since Arthur Q. Bryan.

Here's something else for you to wrap your head around: if Elmer has a descendant, that means he had children. He got MARRIED. Well, he did have a wife in at least one short so I guess him being married isn't so hard to believe, but Elmer having kids?

Do you think there are descendants of Tiny Toon Adventures characters in Acmetropolis too?
I know there's a fan theory that Lexi is descended from Buster and Babs...

Ace and Danger pay a visit to the aforementioned prison ship, where various villains they fought in previous episodes of the show are being held. Among them is Otto the Odd (Dee Bradley Baker), who was the bad guy of an episode somebody already did a review of so if you want an idea of what this guy's story is, just read that.

Ace and Danger pay a visit to the Joker's younger brother, who for obvious reasons
he doesn't like to talk about.

The three of them trade unfunny barbs for a few seconds, then Ace and Danger meet up with the warden and talk about how Massive escaped. Daffy... I mean, Plucky... I mean, Danger gets electrocuted because like an idiot he decides to touch some sort of electric prison cell bars that the prison ship uses.

Then Ace and Danger head back to the Loonatics' headquarters, where they see a news report about some artist going missing after his paintings were stolen from the Acmetropolis Museum. Elmer's descendant is walking up the side of the building, talking about how he's going to "flush the wabbit out of his hole". Okay, Not-Elmer, you do realize you're not just hunting a rabbit in the forest, right? You're in a futuristic city, hunting a rabbit who has SUPERPOWERS. We saw before that your stupid arrows don't actually DO anything, so it's not like shooting at Ace will actually harm him in any way. There's a pretty good chance that he'll blast you with his laser beam eyes or something. Sheesh, and I thought Beaky Buzzard was a dimwit (no offense, Beaky - you're a fun character. You should've been in Space Jam 2).

I mean, Bugs is a force to be reckoned with, but at least he doesn't have superpowers (except
for in that one short where he was Super-Rabbit, but Elmer wasn't in that one, so...).

Before Not-Elmer can fire at Ace, his plan is thwarted when Taz... I mean, Slam goes crazy and does... something in an attempt to get his hands on Danger's food. Then Lexi sees Massive on TV, robbing a western museum where a singing cowboy and his robo-horse live. "Let's jet!" Ace says, and off they head to the museum... except for Slam and Rev, who were left back at HQ to get tabs on Massive. I said it in my previous review, but Rob Paulsen is completely wasted in this show.

Plot twist - Rev isn't actually a descendant of the Road Runner at all. He's the great-great-great-
great-great-great-grandson of Ogden from Channel Umptee-3. Y'know, since Rob Paulsen
voices both characters.

Ace, Lexi, Danger, and Tech go inside the museum and search for Massive... who, wouldn't you know it, has stolen the robo-horse. Unbeknownst to them, Not-Elmer is there, too.

In addition to fine artwork, Massive is also a fan of pony rides!

I like how Not-Elmer doesn't seem to even notice that Massive is there. Like, sheesh, Not-Elmer, Ace is kind of in the middle of something. How about waiting until he defeats the big blue-skinned guy to blast him? Of course, his attempt at shooting Ace - this time with a net - winds up taking out Danger instead.

Once again, Massive gets away. "That wascally wabbit is pwoving a tougher adversary than I pwedicted!" Not-Elmer complains. "No matter. Electro J. Fudd is the gweatest hunter who ever lived!" See, he actually DOES have a name. But eh, I'm just going to call him Not-Elmer, because that's all he is. Elmer except he's not Elmer. Back at the Loonatics' headquarters, Tech reveals that he did a body-scan of Danger and found something very strange. It's a hair that doesn't belong to him or any of us!

...wait, is the hair supposed to be Not-Elmer's? Seems unlikely, seeing as Elmer is bald so his identical descendant is likely bald too. Or is that helmet Not-Elmer wears actually covering up flowing locks?

Or did that hair actually come from Massive? Massive isn't bald, after all...

Tech ran the hair through his DNA reconstructor, and the analysis tells them that the hair does indeed belong to Not-Elmer... who still appears to be bald outside of his armor, but I'm admittedly not one hundred percent sure if that weird patch of brown on his head is a helmet or if he just has hair the same color as the suit he's wearing. Lexi knows who Not-Elmer is, and that he comes from a long line of famous hunters. Elmer is famous in this world? Lexi even says that "the Fudds have been great hunters since the beginning of time" - anybody familiar with Looney Tunes can tell you that Elmer is not a great hunter. Unless this is one of those times when the Looney Tunes characters are actually just actors, is Elmer famous for being a hunter who never actually succeeds at killing anything?

Does Elmer even want to kill Bugs? He cries or at least feels bad whenever he thinks he's killed Bugs, and whenever he shoots Daffy, Daffy is fine afterwards, he just needs to readjust his bill. Is Elmer's idea of a fun hobby going around shooting animals with completely harmless guns?

Actually, if Bugs has descendants, that's a pretty good indicator that Elmer never actually succeeded in blasting him (again, assuming that he actually WANTS to harm Bugs).

Seriously, what is that thing on his head? A helmet? Hair? A wig?

Making things even MORE confusing, Lexi shows the others some of Not-Elmer's ancestors, the first of whom is Elmer Fudd himself. Apparently, he's known for hunting down the world's biggest squirrel. Though from the looks of it, it seems that the world's biggest squirrel had the upper hand.

I don't remember THIS Elmer Fudd cartoon...

After that, there was Elmer's... son, I guess, who hunted aquatic mammals - before an encounter with a giant walrus who... I dunno, ate him? I know walruses can attack people in self-defense, but I don't think they EAT people. Of course, if you want to bring REALISM into this, rabbits can't talk, so...

"The time has come," the Walrus said, "To talk of other things..."

Then there was Ahab J. Fudd, who hunted a mysterious great whale... and was promptly gobbled up by it. I hear he's living with Pinocchio now.

Okay, they literally just gave us the exact same joke three times. A Fudd is
pointing his weapon at some cute little animal, unaware that a much larger, angrier
animal is behind him. A little variety with your humor would be nice.

And there was also a caveman Fudd who hunted the woolly mammoth - and was stepped on by one. But what could he possibly be hunting in Acmetropolis? No time to answer that, Massive's robbing a cookie factory now! Because... I guess he likes cookies?

Actually, why did I say that? Of course he does. Everybody loves cookies!

Where the heck is Rev?

Here's another question: is Ace considered a legal citizen in Acmetropolis? I mean, he's a rabbit, but he doesn't live in a hole in the forest like Bugs. If he IS a legal citizen, wouldn't that make Not-Elmer here hunting him illegal? Even if Not-Elmer does succeed in killing Ace, he will go to jail.

Well, anyway, they go to the cookie factory and - you guessed it - Not-Elmer is spying on them. "I wove it when a pwan comes together! That wabbit's pwaying wight into my hand!" he says. How come he's only focused on Ace? Lexi's a rabbit too.

When they head inside the factory, Massive starts pelting cookies at them, which results in Slam channeling his inner Cookie Monster. "Slam, you're despicable," Danger complains. Lay off him, you Daffy wannabe - who WOULDN'T do the same thing if they were in Slam's position? The other Loonatics attempt to fight Massive (which allows Rev to finally have a line in this episode), but they all get their clocks cleaned, with Danger in particular being subjected to shenanigans that are so whacky. Seriously, even Duck Dodgers is more competent than this duck. Tech eventually manages to fire a gun at Massive...

"THIS is for shelving Coyote vs. ACME!"

...which causes Massive to make this face...

"HERP-A-DERP!"

...and then he explodes. Not-Elmer emerges from the giant vat of brown sludge he got knocked into (probably should've mentioned that), and then Ace says "Meh, what's up, Fudd?"

And what does Not-Elmer do? He flees, despite the fact that he has a perfect opportunity to blast Ace right now. It seems that the reason Massive exploded is because he was a robot this whole time, and he has a flash drive in his head that just might contain some useful information for Tech.

Not-Elmer, meanwhile, realizes that whenever he has Ace right where he wants him, Danger screws it up. "Seems that I've been hunting the wong woonatic," he says. "Now it's DUCK SEASON!"

Actually, Not-Elmer, it isn't Duck Season OR Rabbit Season. It's Goat Season. Just ask Bugs...

Ace did some snooping and found out that the singing cowboy who owns the western museum and the woman who owns the cookie factory also vanished around the same time that the artist whose paintings got stolen did. What's the connection between a hunter and a robotic duplicate of a blue-skinned guy? "Well, hunters ARE known for their DECOYS," Ace says. This is the closest that the episode comes to being clever.

"Look at what da animation community is sayin' about us on Toonzone.com!"

So, what is Not-Elmer's goal? Maybe he's got some sort of collection going on, and all that's left to complete it is to nab the top crime-fighter in Acmetropolis. Danger claims that the top crime-fighter in Acmetropolis is HIM, but as we've established, he's not even in the top five. "It's time to turn the tables on the hunter and make HIM the huntEE!" Ace declares.

What is Ace's plan? He'll stand out in the open and wait for Not-Elmer to show up and make his move. The others will just hide until he arrives, giving Daffy... I mean, Danger plenty of time to stew over not being the best crime-fighter ever.

Allow me to summarize everything Danger says: "Blah blah blah I'm just Daffy in all
but name. Blah blah blah I have an ego the size of the sun. Blah blah blah I'm so incompetent
I make Captain Underpants look like the Green Lantern. Blah blah blah."

As part of his rant, Danger complains that ducks get no respect - all they get is sent to a Chinese deli where they're cooked and sold upside-down in a glass cage. Apparently it's legal to cook and eat anthropomorphic ducks?

Of course, Ace's plan fails because Not-Elmer fires his net gun at DANGER, not him. He traps Danger in a net covered with "anti-quacking gel" and takes off with him back to the prison ship, where he sticks him in the same cell as Otto... who he was working for, I guess? Okay, sure. We can throw that out there.

Wow, the guys running this prison ship gave Otto a pretty large cell...

This is where all the paintings went. We get cameos from Granny, Sylvester and Tweety (Tweety's has him in drag, so I guess Warner Bros. still couldn't figure out in the 2000s if he was a boy or a girl).

That's a nice suit Sylvester is wearing.

Apparently the warden is a robot as well, allowing Otto to take charge of the prison ship. And Otto also somehow immobilized another clown. In fact, he also immobilized the artist, the western museum owner, and the cookie factory owner. And he plans to do the same to Danger - as the greatest screw-up of all time! With an anvil on his head, to remind us that this is a Looney Tunes production.

So, this twist came the heck out of nowhere. Otto's brief appearance at the beginning
was not enough foreshadowing.

And, of course, since he is apparently the galaxy's greatest hunter, Otto's gonna freeze Not-Elmer too. Out comes the machine that Otto uses to freeze people, and with another unfunny line from Danger, he and Not-Elmer make a run for it.

Oh, and Pepe Le Pew and Penelope Pussycat got frozen too. So some Looney Tunes characters still exist in the same time period as the descendants of their fellow Looney Tunes characters? Are Pepe and Penelope time-travelers?

So did Otto consider Pepe and Penelope the greatest cartoon characters of all time?
I know I'm putting way too much thought into a cameo, but I'm starved for material here.

Eventually, Not-Elmer gets zapped with the freeze ray, but since he's wearing armor, he's unharmed. And then Ace finally shows up. Just Ace, I don't know where the other Loonatics are. How did Ace find them? He knew someone was collecting the best of all time, and he thought "Who's the best collector of all time"? So the day is saved, right?

Nope. Otto zaps Ace with the freeze ray. Maybe Ace should've just zapped Otto with his laser beam eyes instead of talking about how he figured out his scheme.

"I WAS FROZEN TODAY!"

Oh, wait. Never mind. The Ace who got zapped was just a robot. The actual Ace shows up with Lexi, Tech, Slam, and Rev. They trap Otto in a net and then Ace says "Eh, what's up, Doc?" for no reason other than because he's Bugs' descendant. Honestly, hearing him say that feels wrong to me. This rabbit isn't even fit to lick Bugs' boots, which he doesn't wear.

So the day is saved NOW, right? Nope, Otto was a robot too. Danger blasts Otto before he can use the freeze ray on Ace, and he winds up getting zapped by the freeze ray himself. Oh, the irony.

And even though Not-Elmer did a Heel-Face Turn, he still has to go to jail. Sorry, Not-Elmer. All the frozen people are unfrozen, one of whom Lexi has the hots for despite the fact that she's a rabbit and he's a human being.

Of course, if Foghorn Leghorn's descendant is a human, maybe interspecies romance
is just a normal thing in this world...

And then Danger accidentally gets frozen. I assume the others unfreeze him offscreen, because otherwise they'd be super lousy friends.

What's the Verdict?

Well, I will say this wasn't quite as bad as the FIRST Loonatics Unleashed episode I watched, but there still is nothing of substance here.

All the problems I brought up in my first review still run rampant - the jokes aren't funny, the characters are either dull and uninteresting or annoying knockoffs of beloved Looney Tunes characters, it's a blatant Teen Titans wannabe, and Rob Paulsen is completely wasted. Adding in more Looney Tunes characters and references didn't do anything to improve the show, if anything it just highlights even more why the show doesn't work. The Looney Tunes characters, be they the actual characters or their descendants who are just them in all but name, do not belong in an action cartoon where we're supposed to take them seriously. Elmer Fudd is not an evil villain who we want to see brought to justice - he's an antagonist, yes, but he's just too dimwitted and not vicious enough to be a threat and who we like seeing Bugs mess with because it's funny, not because we find it cathartic. I could see Yosemite Sam or Marvin the Martian maybe managing to be threatening (and even then I'm on the fence about that), but Elmer? Not so much. The closest he's ever come was What's Opera Doc?.

Good things about this? Well, the animation is fine and the voice actors are all doing their best with what they were given (although I would hesitate to call Danger one of Jason Marsden's better roles). But as a whole the show has nothing going for it. You want my advice? Watch Duck Dodgers instead. The show, not that aforementioned crappy Attack of the Drones short. Maybe I should do a review of that show at some point...

Speaking of Duck Dodgers, I have a confession to make: you know that episode where Daffy, Porky, and Marvin fought a virus that turned people into Elmer Fudd clones? That episode made me afraid of Elmer Fudd for a while. Yes, really. Go ahead and judge me.

Let's Watch This... Again: An Episode of "Ned's Newt"

It's time for another re-review! You probably recall that in 2019, I did a review of a Nelvana cartoon called Ned's Newt. I didn't care much for it.

Ned's Newt was the creation of Mike Burgess and Andy Knight. It premiered on Teletoon in Canada in October 1997, then in the United States it premiered on Fox Kids in 1998. Three seasons were produced, but apparently only the first season aired in the U.S.

What is the plot? Well, a kid named Ned (voiced by Tracy Moore) has saved up enough money to buy a pet. When he gets to the pet shop, he finds the only thing he can afford is a newt, so he buys one and names it Newton. Then he becomes annoyed that the newt doesn't do anything but sit on a rock in his bowl. It's a newt, Ned, what did you expect it to do? Card tricks?

He goes to the pet shop and complains to the owner, who gives him a can of "Zippo For Newt" pet food, warning him not to give his pet too much. So, Ned feeds Newton a little of the stuff and... nothing happens. He leaves the can of "Zippo For Newt" by the bowl and goes to bed, and in the middle of the night Newton climbs out of his bowl and helps himself to the stuff. Thus, Ned discovers the reason WHY you shouldn't give a newt too much "Zippo For Newt" - it causes them to become giant shapeshifters who constantly make unfunny pop culture references.

Newton is voiced by comedian Harland Williams, except for a couple episodes of the fourth season where he stopped showing up to recording sessions and voice actor Ron Pardo filled in. Most episodes focus on Newton dragging Ned into some sort of outrageous escapade, and as soon as Ned gets into hot water the effects of "Zippo For Newt" wear off and Newton's back to being a normal newt, absolving him of all blame while Ned gets punished. Because who DOESN'T love cartoons where a character gets another character into trouble and gets away with it? Also, Ned tries not to let Newton be discovered by anyone, even though that'd make it a little easier to explain the outrageous shenanigans he gets into (nobody's going to believe a giant talking newt made him do it if he tells them that). Maybe he's afraid that if people find out about Newton, he'll get captured by scientists and tested on in a lab or something? Of course, at least twice throughout one of the episodes I previously reviewed, Newton was around other people and they never questioned the presence of a giant talking newt - he was wearing clothes but it was still preeeeeeeeeeeetty obvious that he wasn't human - so I don't know what Ned is so worried about.

The episode I watched previously was the show's fourth, which consisted of the segments "Mars Dilemma" (in which Ned and Newton go to Mars to get tomato paste, which is apparently what Mars is made of) and "Saturday Night Fervor" (in which Newton tries to help Ned impress a girl he likes at the school dance). I didn't care for either episode, but I know there are some folks who look back on the show fondly, so it's entirely possible I just happened to watch one of the weaker episodes. We'll be watching the ninth episode today, which consists of the segments "Help Me, I'm Bald" and "Planes, Trains and Newtmobiles", to see if I judged the show too hastily.

"Help Me, I'm Bald" starts with Ned trying to style his hair - all two stands of 'em. I don't think it's ever specified in the show why Ned is bald. Maybe he's the descendant of Dopey from Snow White? The baldness thing is genetic? Plus, it'd explain the big ears...

I'd say his being bald is likely Newton's fault, but the theme song shows that he was bald
when he bought Newton, so that can't be it...

Newton, doing an impression of a radio disc jockey, suggests that Ned take him to school. Ned refuses, reminding Newton that every time he takes him to school, he causes trouble. Plus, y'know, giant talking newt, and Ned does not want Newton to get captured by scientists and dissected.

Actually, come to think of it, if the thing that makes Newton a wacky talking shapeshifter is a mass-produced pet food, how come there aren't more giant talking newts in this world? Perhaps there are, and Ned just so happens to be the only kid in his town or state to have a pet newt. Actually, there is another episode where Newton meets another pet newt who he feeds "Zippo For Newt", so make of that what you will...

Sometimes, Ned really regrets not buying a fish from the pet store instead.

Honestly, maybe Ned SHOULD bring Newton to school with him. The only other option is leaving him to cause havoc at home. "At school I can LEARN about people! Their DREAMS! Their HOPES!" Newton insists, to which Ned suggests that he learn about people by watching TV. Newton can do that.

Newton spends the day watching commercials for products that supposedly improve peoples' lives, which he finds very informative. And then he actually BUYS those products, thinking that now he finally understands human beings. And then he does a Peter Lorre impression for some reason. I guess it's because Peter Lorre is one of those celebrities whose voices everybody recognizes even if they've never seen any of his movies.

Actually, if Newton doesn't know much about human beings, how does he know who Peter Lorre is?

Maybe he caught a Boo Berry commercial while watching TV and he's actually doing an impression
of HIM?

Then some guy with a vacuum cleaner shows up at the door to try and sell it to Newton, but Newton hijacks his sales pitch. After about a minute, the guy does what anybody would do if they encountered Newton and his unfunny shenanigans and makes a run for it.

Quick question, where exactly are Ned's parents while all of this is going on? Is it ever established if they have jobs?

"So, Ted, did you make your sales quota today?"

"Well, I ALMOST did... then I knocked on one door and this big blue newt answered
and started torturing me."

"...Ted, I think you've been working too hard."

When Ned returns home, Newton declares that he's learned so much about humans. And now he's going to make Ned whole again. "I'm gonna make you into a real boy!" he says, turning into Geppetto.

Y'know, I think I'm beginning to see why Harland Williams stopped showing up to recording sessions. He probably realized how bad the material he was being fed was and decided to bail.

Even Drew Carey was a better Geppetto than Newton.

How does Newton plan to "make Ned whole again"? With decorative plates. Yeah, I don't know either. But Ned decides to go along with whatever Newton's plan is. Ned, you fool.

It's at this point I figured out that this episode doesn't have a plot. So far it's just eight minutes of Harland Williams bombing at stand-up (and Harland Williams is a successful stand-up comedian so I blame the weak material rather than him). Why is the episode even called "Help Me, I'm Bald" when there hasn't been a single reference to Ned being bald so far?

Ned agrees with me and declares that Newton is driving him crazy, but Newton still doesn't get the hint, eventually showing off all the crap he bought from infomercials to Ned. He also signed Ned up for several invaluable services. And how did he pay for all that? He didn't, so he and Ned promptly wind up receiving a bunch of bills.

Newton's expression here is the only funny thing in this episode thus far.

"Newton, this is JUNK! It's all junky junky garbage worthless JUNK!" Ned complains. Knowing that his parents will assume that HE bought all that stuff, he frantically tells Newton to help him hide all of it. But wouldn't you know it, the "Zippo For Newt" wears off and Newton is just a normal newt again. Either that or he just turned back into a normal newt voluntarily because he's okay with throwing Ned under the bus. I guess I can add this to my list of Reasons Why Newton is a Horrible Character:

1) He's annoying

2) He doesn't even look that much like a newt

3) Nothing that comes out of his mouth is funny

4) He's loud

5) He feels like somebody watched Aladdin and desperately wanted to do their own version of the Genie without understanding why the Genie worked

6) He wastes the talents of Harland Williams

7) He gives newts a bad name

8) He gives amphibians as a whole a bad name

9) He has no problem throwing Ned under the bus

10) Did I mention how annoying he was? Because he's very annoying

Ned's parents come in, but instead of assuming that Ned bought all the useless junk like you'd expect them to, they think THEY bought each other those things as anniversary presents, then proceed to each give Ned a dollar. But then they notice the bills...

So, yeah. Ned gets into trouble after all. We can add "constantly gets Ned into trouble and suffers no consequences" to the list of Reasons Why Newton is a Horrible Character. Next segment!

I really hope at some point Ned tells Newton, "Here's a good idea. Have a POINT. It makes things much more interesting for the listener!". It'd be a pointless pop culture reference, but at least it'd be cathartic.

Anyhow, "Planes, Trains and Newtmobiles" begins in the middle of the hot, hot desert. There's a gag where a frill-necked lizard eats a vulture... I notice that the show is actually funnier when Newton ISN'T onscreen... and then Ned's family shows up in an RV. They're on a road trip, and Ned is bored. So he gets out a packet of "Travel Zippo"...

No. No, no, no, no, NO. Bad idea, Ned. Do not feed Newton any of that stuff. There are much better ways to cure boredom.

Put down the packet, Ned. Put it down. Keep it AWAY from Newton's mouth...

Alas, he feeds it to Newton and it's WHACKY NEWTON ANTICS TIME. Don't blame me when Newton eventually blows up the RV or demolishes Mount Rushmore and frames YOU for it, Ned.

"This isn't sunscreen on my nose. It's seagull poop!"

Newton finds a bingo sheet next to his bowl. According to Ned, you cross off stuff on it that you see from the car. Problem is, there's no picture of a thousand miles of sand, so playing it isn't much fun. By the way, how come Ned's parents don't hear Newton's loud and obnoxious yammering?

Anyhow, the RV (or "Mega-Camper", as Ned calls it) stops at a gas station. Ned says that his parents told him not to leave the RV, but Newton is all "Come on, who are you gonna listen to, them or ME?". Before Ned can decide, Newton grabs him and drags him out of the RV. And wouldn't you know it, this leads to Ned's parents driving off without them.

I warned you not to feed Newton any of that "Travel Zippo", Ned. WHY DIDN'T YOU LISTEN
TO ME?!

There's one joke here that I'll admit I did find pretty funny. Ned and Newton start hitchhiking, and they see something approaching. Newton says it's just a mirage, and then you see a typical cartoon mirage - palm trees, a pool of water, that sort of thing - drive by. I'll give the cartoon that.

After crawling through the desert, Ned and Newton stumble upon a big pointy metal hut that they take shelter inside. But it's actually a rocket ship, and inside Newton sees a picture of a rocket with smoke coming out of its rear. Because Newton is an idiot, he assumes that it's the button that turns on the air conditioning and presses it.

"GET... ME... DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWN!"

The rocket lands in Russia. Ned is afraid that his parents will be worried about him, but if you can believe it, they STILL haven't noticed that he's mysteriously vanished. To get back, Ned and Newton hop aboard a boat... a boat that gets caught in a storm at sea and starts to sink. Which shouldn't be too bad for Newton, since he's an amphibian and all...

Sinking to the bottom of the ocean, Ned and Newton discover Atlantis. Yeah, okay. We can throw Atlantis into the episode all of a sudden.

"Starfish Bucks". Huh. A pop culture reference that's actually kind of funny...

Newton somehow causes Atlantis to rise back to the surface by... tripping on somebody's fishing wire? Huh?

Then Ned and Newton manage to borrow a sleigh from Santa Claus. How'd they do that? In the pet shop, Newton explains, he roomed with Rudolph's brother, Reardolph. His back end lit up. I'm not sure what the joke there is supposed to be.

"I also knew Rudolph's other brother, Rusty. He helped save Christmas, too. Brought
some kid to the North Pole to help the elves with computer trouble."

But once again Newton manages to screw things up and they fall out of the sleigh and into a pyramid. And then an Egyptian subway pulls up... just go with it... and we get a montage of Ned and Newton traveling.

Blah blah blah, the "Zippo" wears off just as Newton has taken on the form of a hot air balloon that Ned is riding in, turning him back into a regular newt and sending Ned into a free fall. Ned falls through the RV's sunroof, his parents none the wiser. He tells them he was playing Bingo.

What's the Verdict?

Ned's Newt is mediocre at best. And most of that falls on the fact that the titular character, Newton, is obnoxious. You have to be very careful when writing a WHACKY CHARACTER WHO DOES WHACKY STUFF 'CAUSE THEY'RE SO GOSH-DARN WHACKY - when done poorly, they're not funny, just irritating. Newton's entire purpose as a character is to mess things up for Ned and do failed comedy routines. I just wound up wondering why Ned would even want him around. Does the series finale have Ned feeding Newton to a flock of herons or something? Because I would like to see that episode.

But I will say this, the show's production values are good. The animation is solid, the voice actors (aside from Harland Williams, who's bogged down by a horrible script) do a fine job, and the theme song rocks (although I object to its claim that Newton is "where the fun is at". That is a big fat lie). If the most prominent character weren't so annoying, this could've been a very good show. If you'd like to watch it for yourself, it's streaming on Tubi and Pluto TV.

Fun fact - author and cartoonist Edward Gorey claimed in a 1998 interview that he thought this was "the greatest". Opinions are opinions, of course, but I still have to raise an eyebrow.