Let's Watch This: An Episode (or Two) of "My Goldfish Is Evil!"

NOTE: Please do not take any of the little nitpicks in this review (or any of my other reviews, for that matter) seriously. I write these reviews in the hopes of making people laugh. Those nitpicks are really just dumb little observations that I'm attempting to make jokes out of, not complaints that add to whether or not I like something.

NOTE #2: No disrespect is meant towards anyone who worked on the show I am reviewing today. I'm sure they are all very nice and talented people.

NOTE #3: If you like this show, that is great. Go ahead and like it. I'm not judging you.

This is another cartoon that I never saw on TV. Apparently, it only aired in the United States on a channel called MyFamily TV, and I don't know if we even HAD that channel. In its home country of Canada, it aired on CBC Television, premiering in September 2006 and receiving two seasons.

My Goldfish Is Evil! is the creation of a Mr. Nicolas J. Boisvert and produced by the Montreal-based animation studio Sardine Productions. The show focuses on an eleven-year-old boy named Beanie (voiced by Sonja Ball). He's got a problem: his pet goldfish, Admiral Bubbles (Stephane Blanchette), is an evil criminal mastermind who wants to take over the world. Every episode has the fish attempting some sort of diabolical plan, with Beanie the only one who can stop it. And whenever he tries to tell his mother, his friends, anyone else, they never believe him. And for some reason it never occurs to Beanie to just flush the stupid fish down the toilet, or feed him to a cat, or sell him to a sushi chef or something.

You can currently find episodes of My Goldfish Is Evil! on YouTube and Tubi. Is it a good show? Well, I could tell you now and save you the trouble of reading the review, but where'd be the fun in that? We're going to watch the third episode of the show, "School Trip to... Aquaworld!". This is My Goldfish Is Evil!.

Beanie's class is at an aquarium called Aquaworld. Beanie snuck Admiral Bubbles in with him so he can see how NORMAL fish act. It doesn't seem to be doing any good, and there's also the risk of the teacher finding out and getting mad because she specifically told Beanie NOT to bring his fish. Maybe it would have been easier for him to just show him some YouTube videos of fish at home.

Speaking of the teacher, she also hands out quizzes for the students to do as they're exploring the aquarium. Okay, what the heck? When I went on field trips, my teachers never made us to quizzes while we were there. When my first grade class went to see a stage adaptation of Junie B. Jones, we just watched the dang play. What kind of teacher IS this?

A clearly very unenthusiastic one, judging from the bored expression on her face.
She needs an "I Really Wish I Weren't Here Right Now" button.

She also tells everyone to partner up, meaning that Beanie has the chance to make a move on his crush, Nia (Alyson Wener). Alas, Beanie sucks at talking to girls, so he just winds up babbling like an idiot in front of her until this other girl named Desmonda snatches him up for herself.

Desmonda is literally just Helga Pataki. She's a tough girl who bullies Beanie but totally has a crush on him. They even have the same hairstyle!

"If we make her a brunette instead of a blonde, she'll be a COMPLETELY different
character than Helga, right?"

So once everyone is paired up, the class heads off to look at fish. But the teacher tells them to put their bags in the locker room, which throws a wrench into Beanie's "show my goldfish other fish so he'll stop misbehaving" plan. So he hides his backpack under his stomach, hoping nobody will notice that he's much fatter now.

Not that Admiral Bubbles is going to make it any easier. When they get to the octopus exhibit, he proceeds to sing an obnoxious song about how great fish are to alert the teacher of his presence.

He's lik an evil version of the fish from American Dad!.

Eventually, the teacher figures out that Beanie has his backpack and searches it for the fish. All she finds is an empty jar full of water, as kids are known to carry around in their backpacks. She tells Beanie to put his bag in the locker room, but as soon as Beanie walks out of the octopus-shaped building, he leaps off the lid of the jar and into a nearby pond. After scooping him back up, Beanie decides to keep Admiral Bubbles in his lunch bag - the teacher didn't say anything about THAT.

But Admiral Bubbles isn't done making Beanie's life harder. He manages to escape the jar AGAIN using only a banana peel (which he makes Beanie slip on) and hides out in a pond full of identical goldfish. Suggestion, Beanie: just leave him in there. He's the aquarium employees' problem now, not yours.

Get a new pet! A nice gecko or something!

But nope, instead of just walking away and leaving Admiral Bubbles in the pond, he presses a button that causes the light in the pond to dim and the fish to start glowing - some goldfish actually DO glow in the dark, but they're genetically modified - except for his. He scoops up Admiral Bubbles again and then joins his class at the stadium where the orcas perform.

Fun fact: most aquariums in the United States do not have orcas. If you want to see an orca in captivity but don't want to leave the country to do it, you'll have to go to SeaWorld. So don't ask me how THIS aquarium got its hands on an orca. Of course, it's a show about an evil talking goldfish, so why bring realism into it NOW?

I would make a joke about him rehearsing for Free Willy 5, but the fourth Free Willy
movie wasn't released until after this episode aired. So I guess he's rehearsing for THAT one
instead.

And then guess what? The goldfish escaped AGAIN. Okay, seriously? Who is this fish, Harry Houdini? Beanie's friend Elwood (Bruce "Binky Barnes" Dinsmore) suggests that maybe he was eaten by the orca, which means that Beanie is free.

Alas and alack, Admiral Bubbles WASN'T eaten by the orcas. No, no, the orcas are actually AFRAID of him. For some reason. Or maybe they're just distracted by that drain in the floor of their tank.

C'mon, just EAT the fish! It's the snack that smiles back!

After escaping the orca tank, Admiral Bubbles starts throwing starfish and sea urchins at the aquarium employees. Then he beats up some moray eels. Beanie figures out that his goldfish is still running amok and enlists the help of Nia and Elwood to find him, but Admiral Bubbles has another trick up his sleeve... or at least he would if he HAD sleeves. He traps Beanie's class and teacher in a "titanic tank" and starts filling it with water.

Dear lord, he's going to drown them! He's going to murder a bunch of kids and a grumpy teacher! I know this fish is evil, but now he's just crossing the line! Suddenly, I have a craving for seafood.

"And the best part is, since I'm a fish, I can't be tried for infantcide! Mwah-ha-ha-
ha-HAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Fortunately, Beanie has figured out what's going on and is swimming through the pipes in scuba gear to foil Admiral Bubbles' scheme. UNfortunately, Admiral Bubbles has enlisted the help of pirahnas to eat Beanie. Again, this is murder. You have officially joined the ranks of Ursula and Sheldon J. Plankton on the list of most vile sea creatures. I think even the octopus from Flipper & Lopaka would be horrified by this.

Beanie manages to get away from the pirahnas and orders Admiral Bubbles to tell him how to save his classmates from drowning, threatening to feed him to the pirahnas if he doesn't. The fish tells him to push the "Emergency Purge" button. Sure enough, the water drains out and the kids are saved.

I was expecting the episode to then have an aquarium employee walk in, assume that Beanie was the one who caused all this trouble, and punish him while Admiral Bubbles gets no comeuppance, because that's usually how these sorts of cartoons go, but thankfully they don't go that route. But Beanie still gets screwed over - basically, he tells the teacher everything that happened after he rejoins the class, and she doesn't believe him and gives him an "F". But then Nia points out he did fill out all the answers on the test, so she raises his grade to a "C". The episode ends with the class leaving the aquarium as it's revealed that Admiral Bubbles managed to free all the sea creatures inside.

Now, this is usually the part of the review where I give my verdict, but when I was posting this, I realized that it was a bit too short for my liking. Maybe you didn't notice, but I did. Do you know what THAT means? It means I'm gonna have to watch ANOTHER episode of this show to pad out the review some more! So, here's the sixth episode of the show, "Sweetheart's Dance!".

The episode starts off with Beanie running through town, dressed in a white tuxedo shirt and holding a bouqet of flowers, with Admiral Bubbles chasing after him in a flying fish tank that shoots lasers. Excuse me, waiter? I'd like to order some context, please.

Admiral Bubbles uses too much eyeliner.

Beanie eventually makes it into the school, where a dance is going on. There's only one other student in there: Nia, and she reveals that she knew Beanie's goldfish is evil all along. What a twist! But wait - how does she know? She pulls off her head to reveal that she's actually Admiral Bubbles in disguise!

I've heard of catfishing, but this is ridiculous.

I don't know if we're supposed to find this funny or creepy. I'm gonna go with the latter.

Then Beanie finds himself in a giant fish bowl. Admiral Bubbles, now gigantic, brags that he's going to keep him as a pet while he takes over the world. Of course, it's promptly revealed that this was all just a horrible nightmare Beanie is having.

Okay, Beanie, word of advice: if your pet is giving you nightmares, maybe you should, I don't know, GET RID OF IT? It's not like this fish is invincible, right?

Are those MUMMIES hanging from the ceiling? Two of Admiral Bubbles' former
victims, perhaps?

Beanie is stressed out for two reasons. One, the school dance is on its way, and he still hasn't found anyone to go with him. Two, Admiral Bubbles hasn't attempted to take over the world in a week, and that makes Beanie very suspicious. ESPECIALLY when his mother mentions something about him ordering a plastogenic thermonuclear device.

As it turns out, Admiral Bubbles ordered an H-Bomb kit. So, just ANYONE can just order kits that allow you to make your own H-Bomb? That seems like a really stupid idea. You're just ASKING for the entire planet to explode if that's your business model. But the mailman is so weirded-out by Beanie's claims that his goldfish is trying to take over the world and his mother hitting on him that he declares whoever ordered it will just have to pick it up at the post office because he's not lugging it upstairs.

At school, Beanie learns that Nia hasn't been invited to the dance yet either. He'd love to ask her, but again, he's too nervous to do so and just babbles like an idiot. Plus, she could turn out to be his goldfish in disguise. After Nia walks off, Helga... oh, I mean DESMONDA shows up and gives Beanie some poison oak and shoving him into a locker before saying she'll see him at the dance.

Ah, young love.

So, what is Admiral Bubbles going to do? He can't just walk into a post office and say he's the one who ordered the H-Bomb kit. Otherwise, people will discover that there's a talking goldfish, and he'll be dissected by scientists or something. To get around that, he builds a robotic human that he will control from inside. Then he hooks the robot up to the TV, which allows him to copy the personality of various TV show characters and transfer them into the robot.

Just be careful you don't switch to the Disney Channel, Admiral Bubbles. You'll wind up
with a robotic human who sings songs by Hannah Montana.

"I'm brilliant! I'd kiss myself, but I'd only make myself jealous!" Admiral Bubbles claims, a statement that makes absolutely no sense. He and his robot head off to the post office, but on the way there, the robot bumps into Beanie's mother... who thinks that he's super-fine.

Oh dear lord. Is this going where I think this is going? Is Admiral Bubbles going to start romancing Beanie's mother? IS BEANIE'S PET FISH GOING TO BECOME HIS DAD?

"You know, I've never noticed it before, but she IS very attractive for a female of
an entirely different species..."

Ee-yup. Admiral Bubbles decides to put his "build an H-Bomb and blow up the world" plan on hold just so he can mess with Beanie's life. Why am I watching a cartoon where a young boy's pet fish is wooing his owner's mother?

And for that matter, how long does he expect to keep this up? What if Beanie's mother wants to meet his parents? What THEN, Admiral Bubbles?

Beanie starts to become suspicious, and as soon as he finds a note next to the fish bowl telling him that his fish went fishing (apparently Admiral Bubbles has no problem catching and eating his own kind?), he figures out what's going on. But of course he's not gonna be able to convince his mother that she's literally being catfished. Okay, technically she's being GOLDfished, but you know what I mean...

Admiral Bubbles starts going on dates with Beanie's mother and volunteers Beanie to clean up dog crap at the park. Then Beanie figures out that somehow he can control what the robot says with the TV remote. What does he do with this information? Nothing. But he does attempt to stop Admiral Bubbles from picking up his H-Bomb at the post office, only for Admiral Bubbles to trap him in a convenient human-sized birdcage - but Beanie still manages to get to the post office before he does and has the H-Bomb kit shipped to Canada. Ha! In your smug orange face, you stupid fish!

So what does Admiral Bubbles do next? He convinces Beanie's mother to send Beanie to a boarding school. And because Beanie's mother is an idiot, she decides to do what this guy she just met one day ago suggests. Even though the pamphlet shows a kid CHAINED TO THEIR DESK. While they're visting the school, Admiral Bubbles finds out that they have a science lab and all of the things needed to build a bomb. Fortunately, Beanie manages to take a photo of Admiral Bubbles poking out of the robot and in the process of building the bomb.

Alas, this is not the series finale, so you know Beanie's not actually going to prove
that Admiral Bubbles is evil to anyone.

Instead of immediately running out the door after taking the photo before Admiral Bubbles has the chance to do anything, Beanie stands there and declares that he's going to offer it to a tabloid magazine for a million bucks. Admiral Bubbles declares that he won't get the chance, because when the bell rings, the sound will somehow make the bomb go off and blow the building sky high. Unless, of course, Beanie can find where the chute that he puts the bomb in goes before that. Then, with Beanie distracted, he destroys the photo. Yeah, yeah, act all smug NOW, but even assuming that you make it out of the building before the explosion, chances are you - or rather, the robot - will be dubbed a mad bomber and thrown in prison. Though I suppose he could always just slip out of the robot's head after he gets locked up... jeez, is there ANY way to defeat this fish?!

Well, Beanie doesn't find the bomb, but he manages to stop the bell from ringing. He's managed to save the school, but the stupid goldfish is still romancing his mother in a robot suit. Then Beanie remembers the TV remote thing and uses it to start making the robot spout nonsense and then demand that Beanie's mother make him dinner. Admiral Bubbles can't control the robot, and it makes the mom so angry that she dumps his tailfinned rump.

Okay, Beanie, you're holding the goldfish in your hands. Normally I don't approve of
violence towards fish, but in this case I'll make an exception. Squeeze the little pest
until it pops like a balloon. Either that, or flush it down the toilet.

You're probably thinking "Hey, wasn't this episode supposed to be about a school dance?" Well, the episode ends with Beanie going to the dance and having to get his groove on with Desmonda. Still better than having his fish as his stepdad, at least...

What's the Verdict?

This show sucks. I will say if nothing else that the first episode was better than the second. The second one gave me more joke material, but it was also much creepier and had Admiral Bubbles at his most obnoxious. Both episodes were crap, though. I can't think of anything I liked about this.

The characters? Meh. I really don't like characters who act smug and despicable but never get any comeuppance for it, so of course I'm not gonna like the fish. Let me compare him to the Brain from Pinky and the Brain. The Brain works because, first of all, despite him wanting to take over the world he's not really a villain, he says several times in the show that he wants to do it because he believes he could make the world a better place. Second, he never succeeds. His plans always fail. When he does something genuinely wrong, he gets punished for it. By contrast, you have this fish who's always one step ahead, always making things harder for the kid, and is practically unstoppable. There's a difference between a "love to hate" sort of character and a vile little pest who you want to punch in the face.

Not that the other characters are any better. Beanie is dull, his friends are equally dull, his mother is unlikable (I mean, I know your kid telling you that their pet goldfish is a supervillain is a pretty out there story, but the way she keeps putting him down gets on my nerves), the teacher is a total grouch, and Desmonda is little more than a blatant knockoff of Helga Pataki. None of the jokes are funny. The animation and voice acting are fine, but that's really the only nice thing I can say about the show. It's not even fun to mock. I was expecting a show with a title as absurd as My Goldfish Is Evil! to be at least fun to mock, but nope, it's just straight-up bad.

Rating: One and a half goldfish out of five. A show that flounders.

Here's a fun fact for you: TV Tropes claims that this show is Pinky, Elmyra and the Brain done right. However, I actually found this worse than that show. I mean, Pinky, Elmyra and the Brain is a bad show, but at least it didn't have the Brain putting the moves on Elmyra's mother.

Let's Watch This: An Episode of "Mucha Lucha!"

NOTE: Please do not take any of the little nitpicks in this review (or any of my other reviews, for that matter) seriously. I write these reviews in the hopes of making people laugh. Those nitpicks are really just dumb little observations that I'm attempting to make jokes out of, not complaints that add to whether or not I like something.

This is one of those cartoons that I've probably taken waaaaaaaaaaaaay too long to do a review of. Like, really? I got to Super Duper Sumos before this one?

Mucha Lucha! is the creation of Eddie Mort and Lili Chin for Warner Bros. Animation. It aired on The WB's Kids WB block from August 17th, 2002 to February 26th, 2005, receiving three seasons and fifty-two episodes in all. There was also a direct-to-video film made in-between the second and third seasons. Perhaps the show's biggest claim to fame is that it was one of the first cartoons to be made using Flash.

The show takes place in Luchaville, a town in California (not an actual place, obviously) where everyone is obsessed with the sport... at least I think it's a sport... known as lucha libre. For those unaware, lucha libre is basically the Mexican version of professional wrestling, the main difference being that everybody wears a colorful costume. Our main characters - Rikochet (voiced by Carlos Alazraqui for the first two seasons, with Jason Marsden taking over in Season 3 because Carlos was too busy working on Reno 911), Buena Girl (voiced by Kimberly Brooks), and The Flea (voiced by Candi Milo) - attend the Foremost World-Renowned International School of Lucha, where they study to become Luchadores.

I remember hearing about Mucha Lucha!, I'm pretty sure I saw a few ads for it, but I never actually watched the show. I never watched much Kids' WB in general, I can only remember watching it ONCE and that was at my cousins' beach house. It does have a cult following, though, so who knows? Maybe I'll like it.

We're going to watch the show's sixteenth episode (the third episode of the second season). This is Mucha Lucha!.

The first segment, "Nightmare on Lucha Street", begins on a dark, spooky night. Rikochet has found himself in a strange neighborhood where the sky is crimson, the sidewalk has a mind of its own, and a bizarre genie-like monster won't leave him alone.

There are even pop-up ads for Camp Lazlo appearing at random!

The green-skinned being desperately in need of a manicure introduces himself as Misterioso Grande, lucha lord of the dream world. He wants Rikochet's mask for his collection. I hope the indication here is that he just STEALS other lucha wrestlers' masks instead of, like, EATING them and just having the masks as a trophy. Rikochet won't hand his mask over without a fight, but someone who can shapeshift into anything like Misterioso makes for a very difficult foe.

"Perhaps you'd like to see how ssssssssssssssssssssSNAKE-LIKE I CAN BEEEEEEEEEE!"

Only one thing can defeat Misterioso - an alarm clock! Rikochet wakes up and is relieved that the whole experience was just a dream. His sentient action figure El Rey (Michael Donovan)... yes, there's a toy that's alive in this world, just go with it... tells him to get up so he can use his bed to test out his new wrestling move, the Flaming Garbage Toss.

He sleeps with his mask on? I know lucha is a way of life in this show, but that seems
kind of strange...

At the Foremost World-Renowned International School of Lucha, Rikochet learns from the Headmistress (also Candi Milo) that another student, Penny Plutonium (Tabitha St. Germain), has not been in school for two days. So she sends Rikochet, Buena Girl, and The Flea to see why that is.

The Headmistress is disturbing to look at. I'll be honest, I don't like when cartoon characters have exposed brains. There's a reason why Mojo Jojo always wears a helmet.

I know in this case it's not actually her brain showing, it's just a mask... at
least I think it's just a mask, I could be wrong... but it still grosses me out.

So, why has Penny been absent? It's not because her Uncle Gadget needs her help, but rather, because she had a nightmare about Misterioso Grande, and when she woke up, her mask was missing. The Flea has also heard of Misterioso - "He rules the Realm of Dreams! Which is next to the Land of Napping, and Slumberland-adjacient," he explains. If Misterioso Grande takes your mask in the dream world, you don't have it in the real world.

Fortunately, Penny's dad has been working on a dream machine that can send someone into the Realm of Dreams. Rikochet declares that he will use it to save Penny's mask. How does the machine work? Well, you sit in it, and it gives you a stuffed animal, a nightcap, a mobile, and a glass of warm milk. Then it hypnotizes you with a wheel of spinning sheep. So, really, Rikochet could've just waited until he fell asleep that night to get Penny's mask back, but eh...

"Repeat after me: you will not buy a Serta mattress. You will not put us sheep out of
a job..."

Penny's father also has a monitor that allows them to see and speak to Rikochet in the Realm of Dreams. Rikochet runs into Misterioso Grande rather quickly and demands that he return Penny's mask or face his wrath. But Misterioso, again, is a shapeshifter, and defeating a shapeshifter isn't easy. As I recall, Puss in Boots managed to defeat that shapeshifting ogre by getting him to turn into a mouse and then eating him. Perhaps Rikochet just has to trick Misterioso into turning into a taco or something.

In hindsight, maybe somebody else should've entered the Dream Realm WITH Rikochet?

"You're in a dream! You can do anything you want!" Buena Girl points out to Rikochet. "Let your imagination run free, and your subconsious will find a way to defeat Misterioso Grande!" So Rikochet dreams himself some Plastic Man powers...

"Hammer time!"

Using his imagination, Rikochet battles Misterioso, eventually defeating him by turning into a giant tidal wave (everybody knows that water is a dream-controlling monster's only weakness). Penny gets her mask back, and Misterioso is banished to the Netheregions. Upon leaving the Dream Realm, Rikochet gives a speech about how he defeated Misterioso by turning the nightmare into a sweet dream, and there's nothing as sweet as victory. Penny gives him a smooch on the forehead...

Do we ever see Rikochet without his mask on? I'm imagining that his forehead is
incredibly large. Like, as big as Megamind's.

The segment ends with The Flea being scared off by Penny's dog, who has either been possessed by Misterioso or decided to dress like him for the fun of it. Next segment!

It's the first day of school... just ignore the fact that the characters were shown in school in the previous episode... and unlike every other student on the planet, Buena Girl is very happy. She LOVES the first day of school because everything is so clean and shiny and new. I don't recall everything being clean and shiny on any of MY first days of school. Maybe I was too annoyed by summer vacation being over to notice?

And what is The Flea doing on the first day of school? Eating garbage. As one does.

Ew, has somebody been using the garbage can as a toilet? What else could that brown
glop be?

The garbage doesn't agree with The Flea's digestive system, and he quickly has to go to the bathroom. Problem is, ever since he fought a character called the Masked Toilet in a previous episode, The Flea has been afraid of bathrooms. Have you ever been in a school bathroom? I really don't blame him. I mean, they're not port-a-potty levels of disgusting, but they can be pretty gross.

But while he's in the bathroom, before he can take a dump, The Flea is suddenly ambushed by the Masked Toilet! Of course, as soon as Rikochet and Buena Girl run in, the Masked Toilet has vanished, so they don't believe The Flea when he tells them. Oh boy, it's one of THOSE episodes. Y'know, where one character keeps seeing something spooky but nobody else sees it whenever they try to show them, so the other characters just think the one character who does see it is crazy? Every cartoon needs to do an episode like that at SOME point, I guess...

I gotta say, it was very bold of that kid on the right to base his lucha persona off of
Keo from Yakkity Yak.

But then another student, this one dressed as a scarecrow, encounters the Masked Toilet in the bathroom as well! The Flea ISN'T crazy after all!

Well, maybe he still is. But he was right about the Masked Toilet!

All the other students in the school try to fight the Masked Toilet, but get their clocks cleaned. Wow, these kids must really suck at being lucha fighters if they're getting clobbered by a sentient urinal. What on Earth is this school teaching them? Eventually, the Masked Toilet gives The Flea a message challenging him to a "Full Flush Elimination Match". How does the toilet write without hands? The world may never know.

"P.S.: Your costume makes you look more like a bunny rabbit than a flea."

"A true luchador never runs from a challenge!" Buena Girl tells The Flea. "So LET US GET TRAINING!" First, she shows The Flea and Rikochet a new move she's created allowing her to turn into a plunger. So she has shapeshifting powers now too? And so does Rikochet, it seems, because he turns into a spring. What sort of witchcraft IS this?

"Noooooooooooooo springs! Hee hee hee hee hee!"

Training doesn't go so well (among other things, The Flea winds up with his head stuck in the training dummy toilet!), so I'm not filled with confidence regarding The Flea's ability to fight the Masked Toilet. Maybe he should call a plumber. Are the Mario Brothers avaliable?

And, sure enough...

So, just a recap, everybody: scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock smashes scissors, toilet pummels flea, and tidal wave clobbers green-skinned shapeshifter.

Eventually, however, The Flea finds the key to victory: his bowel movements! He... well, it's not shown what he does, but whatever it is, it's pretty disgusting. He wins the fight, but the episode ends with him making another enemy: the Masked Pencil Sharpener!

What's the Verdict?

Mucha Lucha! is kind of like El Tigre in that the fun mostly comes from how over-the-top it is. Sure, the characters aren't super-interesting, but they're likeable enough. The animation is... well, typical 2000s Flash, but I've seen far worse. The jokes... every so often there's a chuckle-worthy moment, but a lot of them fall flat. I think my biggest complaint is that we don't get enough time in the first segment to watch Rikochet deal with the dream realm, so his fight with Misterioso feels rushed. By contrast, the second segment with the Masked Toilet seems longer than it should be - you could've trimmed the training stuff, at least. Still, it's a show where a recurring villain is a SENTIENT TOILET WEARING A LUCHADORE MASK. It's just so out there that it's hard not to be charmed by it.

So all in all, it's not a GREAT show, but I found it fine for what it was. You don't even have to be a fan of lucha libre to enjoy it.

Rating: Three and a half masks out of five. Mucha entertaining.

And now, a word from our sponsor. This review has been brought to you by...

Isn't it so frustrating when you order something, or are expecting a package from somebody you know, and it takes forever to arrive? You wait and you wait and you wait... what's taking it so long? Sure, the folks at UPS are doing their best to get it there, but they're only human. Human beings aren't known for their speed.

We at Speedy Gonzales Delivery, on the other hand, ARE known for our speed. The fastest mouse in all of Mexico will get your package to you in the blink of an eye. Or at least in a few minutes. Seven, tops. You'll be amazed at how quickly it's on your doorstep. But don't take OUR word for it. Here are a few comments from satisfied customers...

"Narf! I ordered a gift for my friend Brain on Monday night and Speedy Gonzales had it delivered to us before we could even start Brain's newest plan to take over the world! Thanks, Speedy Gonzales Delivery! Poit!"
- Pinky the Mouse,
ACME Labs

"Those new weapons I ordered from stuffninjasuse.com got here in just five seconds thanks to Speedy Gonzales Delivery. Not only was I pleased, but my sons Raphael, Michelangelo, Leonardo, and Donatello were as well. I highly recommend trusting them with your package."
- Master Splinter,
The Sewers of New York City

"Not only were my books delivered mere seconds after I'd ordered them, but they were in great condition too!"
- Geronimo Stilton,
New Mouse City (not to be confused with New YORK City) 

Speedy Gonzales Delivery: when it absolutely, positively has to be there ahora mismo.

Let's Watch This: An Episode of "Teacher's Pet"

NOTE: Please do not take any of the little nitpicks in this review (or any of my other reviews, for that matter) seriously. I write these reviews in the hopes of making people laugh. Those nitpicks are really just dumb little observations that I'm attempting to make jokes out of, not complaints that add to whether or not I like something.

The day I wrote this review, I originally attempted to write a review of Mega Babies. After so many reviews of cartoons that were simply mediocre, I figured I needed to review something really bad to keep the blog from getting monotomous. Problem is, I really couldn't find anything funny to say about Mega Babies - it was horrible, but all I could think of to say was "This is disgusting!" over and over again. Plus, I didn't want to subject my readers to the gross imagery in the show, but the only way to do THAT would be to do a review with no screencaps, which wouldn't be very visually interesting. So instead...

Teacher's Pet is one of Disney's best 2000s cartoons, I'd honestly put it above their more popular stuff from that era like The Proud Family and American Dragon: Jake Long (not that I don't like the latter, I just think Teacher's Pet is more fun). What really helped it stand out was its distinctive art style: that of Gary Baseman, one of the show's three creators - the other two being Bill and Cheri Steinkellner. Even if you've never heard his name, you have to have seen his work SOMEWHERE. He's the guy who did the artwork for the Cranium games.

In my house, we had Cranium Cadoo.

Premiering on ABC as part of its One Saturday Morning block on September 9th, 2000, the show focused on a nine-year-old boy named Leonard Helperman, voiced by Shaun Fleming, and his pet dog Spot, voiced by Nathan Lane. Leonard already has an embarassing experience at school every day because his mother, Mary Lou Helperman (voiced by Debra Jo Rupp), is his class teacher. But things get even WEIRDER for him when Spot decides he wants to go to school too. Spot disguises himself as a boy named Scott Leadready II and joins the class. Even though he's just a dog wearing human clothes, everybody falls for it... presumably because everyone else in this world is already pretty bizarre-looking. Eventually, Leonard finds out that the new kid is his dog, but reluctantly allows Spot to continue the charade. Hilarity ensues.

In 2002, the show was moved from ABC to Toon Disney. Two seasons and a total of thirty-nine episodes were produced. It even got a movie that served as the finale. In theaters! Which was a box office bomb, but still, even Phineas and Ferb never got a theatrical movie!

For years, only one of the show's episodes - the pilot - was released on VHS or DVD, as a bonus feature on the DVD release of the movie. Aside from that, after reruns went off the air you'd have to look on YouTube or Dailymotion to watch the show, at least until Disney got them taken off YouTube for copyright infringement. Fortunately, the entire series is now on Disney Plus. Which means that I've been able to rewatch the show and rediscover how great it is.

So, what makes Teacher's Pet such a fun show? Let's watch the fourth episode, "A Lick is Still a Kiss", and I'll elaborate a little. This is Teacher's Pet.

It's another glorious morning in the Helperman household. In walks Mary Lou, who has a surprise for the Helpermans' pet cat, Mr. Jolly (David Ogden Stiers). He assumes that she's taking him to the vet and hides in his food bowl. Yes, he's actually able to fit in there. Cartoon physics, everybody.

"I hate Mondays."

The best way I can describe Mary Lou Helperman is that she's Linda from Bob's Burgers done right. I frequently see Linda praised for not being the stereotypical naggy cartoon mom who's much smarter than her husband. Well, Mary Lou ALSO isn't the stereotypical naggy cartoon mom who's much smarter than her husband (in fact, Leonard's father never even shows up). She's ditzy, she's cheery, she's a goof, but she still feels like a functioning member of society whereas Linda is a total moron. When Linda speaks, I often find myself wondering how she's even survived for this long. You don't get that with Mary Lou.

Anyhow, Mary Lou is NOT taking Mr. Jolly to the vet. The surprise is a collar with a bell on it. All the stylish cats are wearing them.

I like that dog clock hanging up on the wall. Where can I get one of those?

"Don't despise me because I'm beautiful!" Mr. Jolly tells the Helperman's surly pet bird, Pretty Boy (Jerry Stiller), after he insults his smell. Alas, the constant ringing of the bell soon gets on Mr. Jolly's nerves. Even the doorbell ringing sends him into a frenzy.

Leonard answers the door, and who should be there but his crush, Leslie (Mae Whitman). She asks if she can borrow a cup of milk. Before Leonard can get her one, he realizes that he's standing in front of her in his pajamas and, like Mr. Jolly, freaks out.

Hey, it could be worse. At least you're not in your underwear.

Spot covers for Leonard while he dashes into his room to put some clothes on. He returns, desperately trying to be cool but I'm sorry, it's really hard to be cool when you're wearing a shirt with pineapples on it. And when your hair is styled to look like a rooster's comb. Unless the "Chicken Run character at a luau" look is what you're going for.

I wonder why Mary Lou has a normal skin tone but her son is as white as a stick of
chalk. Maybe he's just really, REALLY pale?

After Leslie leaves, Spot comments that whatever she smeared on her lips today tasted like lemonade with just a hint of mint. Leonard is still too embarassed by the fact that Leslie saw him in his pajamas. By now, it should be pretty obvious that Leonard is basically the Disney equivalent of Charlie Brown. Complete with him not having a normal dog like everyone else.

Spot's being blue is probably the LEAST strange thing about him.

Later, Leonard and Spot... I'm sorry, Scott Leadready II... arrive at school and see the cool kids hanging out. Scott suggests that they ask them what kind of pajamas THEY wear (it makes sense in context), but Leonard is terrified of even speaking to them. "I just don't know how to hang with those guys, okay? I always feel like, they think I'm the teacher's kid so they don't want to say anything around me, then I don't know what to say, then they ignore me, and I end up feeling like a dork," he laments. Scott urges him to give it a try anyway, and guess what? They wind up talking about Leslie and how shiny her lips are. Leonard tells them that she's wearing pink lemonade lip gloss, which tastes exactly like actual pink lemonade with just a hint of mint. This makes the cool kids very impressed. I guess they really like pink lemonade...

"It's so much cooler than REGULAR lemonade! It's PINK, for Fonzie's sake!"

Now, most of this show's episodes can be summed up as thus: Leonard gets into trouble because of Spot's good intentions. Case in point, Leslie marches up to Leonard while they're in class and demands to know why he claimed that he kissed her on the lips. So now she's mad at him, even after he insists that he never said anything of the sort. Then the other kids in class start spreading a rumor that goes from "Leonard kissed Leslie on the lips" to "Leonard murdered Leslie's pet hippo with paper clips". Scott assures Leonard that it'll blow over by recess... just before Principal Strickler (Wallace Shawn) shows up and drags Leonard to his office.

Between this, A Goofy Movie, and Chicken Little, it seems that Disney really likes
casting Wallace Shawn as the voice of principals.

For the crime of spreading a rumor - the fact that the other kids in his class spread the rumor as well is completely ignored - Leonard is threatened with being expelled and sent to the School For Losers. Scott tries to defend him, but it doesn't seem to be doing any good. Leonard points out that he didn't say that he kissed her, just that her lip gloss tasted like pink lemonade, but Principal Strickler thinks there are only two ways he could know that: one, he kissed her, or two, he uses the same lip gloss. The only way Leonard can prove his innocence, he claims, is by showing up tomorrow with the lip gloss in hand.

Furthering Leonard's embarassment, now the class is talking about how Leonard wears his mom's lip gloss. Scott tells them to stop with the rumor-spreading and gives a big speech about how it hurts people. Back home, Leonard and Scott search for the lipstick in Mary Lou's makeup drawer while Pretty Boy mocks humans for not just secreteing like birds do.

"I was an angry bird before the app made it cool!"

Mary Lou doesn't have pink lemonade lip gloss, and a trip to the drugstore leaves Scott and Leonard empty-handed as well. So they go to the grocery store, where Scott buys a salmon ('cause it's pink), some lemons, vegetable oil (for the gloss), and minty bubble gum. Correct me if I'm wrong, but don't most supermarkets have lip gloss in stock? There's usually a whole aisle for body products. Heck, why doesn't Scott just ask Leslie if he can borrow her lip gloss? Seems a lot easier than making it from scratch.

So how does their homemade lip gloss turn out? Well, it does this to Scott's lips...

Disturbing, but still not as disturbing as Mega Babies.

"I guess I'll just have to go to the School For Losers," Leonard groans. But Scott isn't giving up yet. He remembers that Leslie has the very lip gloss they're looking for. So does he go to her house and ask if he can borrow it? No, no, that would be too obvious. Instead, he and Leonard carry a ladder over to her house, allowing Scott to sneak into her room via the window and steal the lip gloss. But Scott can't help taking his sweet time, and he hears the doorknob turning. Uh oh...

Thinking quick, Spot takes off his clothes and just acts like a dog. Leslie is very surprised to see Leonard's dog in her room, but at least he and Leonard aren't in even bigger hot water. As for Mr. Jolly, he's saved from having to hear that infernal ringing when Pretty Boy helps him remove the collar and dumps it in a trash can. But now he thinks it's too quiet, so Pretty Boy has to dig through the trash and find the collar. "Cats! Next time, leave 'em off the ark!" he shouts.

Leslie returns Spot to Leonard and makes it clear that she still hates his guts. On the bright side, Spot managed to grab the lip gloss on their way out, which means that Leonard can prove his innocence. Principal Strickler dubs him cleared, preventing Leonard from being sent to the School For Losers, and that night he tells Spot that he's learned a valuable lesson: NOT to never ever repeat what his dog says again, but to never answer the door again wearing cowboy pajamas. The next day, Leslie apologies to Leonard for everything... and sees Leonard in his firetruck pajama bottoms. But, aside from that, all's well that ends well... until Leslie realizes that her lip gloss is missing. Unless Spot somehow managed to return it to her house before she finds out, she might come to the conclusion that Leonard stole it.

Don't worry, Leonard. You're still not as much of a loser as the Leonard from The
Big Bang Theory.

What's the Verdict?

I wouldn't say this is the BEST episode of Teacher's Pet, but if you're just starting to watch the show, it's a good way to dip your toes in.

There's so much to love about this show. First of all, it's funny. Very, very funny. Most of that obviously stems from the delightfully hammy performances that Nathan Lane, Jerry Stiller, and David Ogden Stiers give, but the writing is incredibly sharp. The animation is well-done, with Gary Baseman's distinctive art style giving the show a unique look and allowing for some out there visuals without being too disgusting or disturbing.

...well, for the most part.

And the characters? Spot could've easily been another Newton, this annoying wacko who frequently causes problems for the kid and gets away with it. But two things help Spot avoid falling into that category. One, he has good intentions, and two, he usually fixes his mistakes. Leonard makes for a nice, sympathetic lead, and the other characters are fun as well (particularly Pretty Boy and Mr. Jolly).

So, yes, I recommend giving Teacher's Pet a watch if you haven't already. Now, whether or not you should watch the MOVIE as well, I don't know. I haven't watched it since 2004. Most of the internet seems to like it, though. Just start with the series, okay?

Rating: Five firetruck pajama bottoms out of five. After watching one episode, you'll sit up and beg for more.

Let's Watch This: An Episode of "The Secret Show"

NOTE: Please do not take any of the little nitpicks in this review (or any of my other reviews, for that matter) seriously. I write these reviews in the hopes of making people laugh. Those nitpicks are really just dumb little observations that I'm attempting to make jokes out of, not complaints that add to whether or not I like something.

Ah, the golden age of Nicktoons Network! Back when it had original shows in addition to classic Nickelodeon stuff and wasn't just another place for SpongeBob and Loud House reruns. I've already looked at their acquired programming of Corneil & Bernie and Kappa Mikey, but it's been too long since I've dived into the strange shows that aired on Nicktoons, but wasn't actually made by Nickelodeon, in the 2000s. And one cartoon that I, personally, think of when I think of Nicktoons Network is The Secret Show.

The Secret Show is the creation of Tony Collingwood, originally premiering on CBBC in the United Kingdom on September 16th, 2006 before winding up on Nicktoons Network in the US the following year. If there's one thing the United Kingdom is known for (aside from the obvious stuff like tea, crumpets, and the Beatles), it's spies - both in real life and on the silver screen. So what British child WOULDN'T want to watch a comedic cartoon about spies? Heck, what AMERICAN child wouldn't want to watch a comedic cartoon about spies?

The show focused on the secret organization U.Z.Z. (that stands for "Umbo Zim Zam"). Their two top agents, Anita Knight (voiced by Kate Harbour) and Victor Volt (voiced by Alan D. Marriott), are sent by their commanding agent, whose codename is "Changed Daily" (Keith Wickham), to defeat various villains bent on world domination. Their main enemy? T.H.E.M. (which stands for "The Horrible Evil Menace"), run by the diabolical Doctor Doctor (also Kate Harbour) and her team of agents known as the Expendables. Fifty-two episodes, and two seasons, were produced.

I feel like I might've watched The Secret Show once or twice, but I'm not sure if I've ever watched a full episode. However, the show seems pretty well-liked by those who remember it online, and Keith Dawkins, Nicktoons' vice president at the time, dubbed the show hilarious and claimed that he laughed out loud when he read the first script. That should count for something. While the show was never released on DVD here in the United States, it is avaliable to watch - you'll have to pay for it, however - on Amazon Prime Video, and somebody was nice enough to upload all the episodes to the Internet Archive. In other words, it's once again time for me to tackle a show that's been on my "to-review" list for a while!

We're going to watch the twenty-first episode of the show, "Mr. Atom". This is The Secret Show.

...or is it? When I clicked on the episode I wanted to review, I didn't get any spies or espionage. Instead, I get this lady and her pet rabbits welcoming me to "The Fluffy Bunny Show"!

Happy very early Easter, everybody!

The lady (Kate Harbour) starts singing and playing her mandolin, then all of a sudden this strange contraption on wheels sends her flying and carries off the rabbits. Then a guy in a nice suit and sunglasses (Special Agent Ray, voiced by Martin Hyder) runs in and says that this timeslot is needed urgently for The Secret Show! How strange.

This is how every episode of the show starts. I'm pretty sure there was another cartoon that did something like this before it, but the joke still works - this show is so secret it doesn't even have a timeslot.

"What do I say here again? 'LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!'?
No, that's not it..."

After the opening sequence, the episode itself starts off with Anita already in trouble. She's tangling with a supervillain known as... pause for dramatic effect... The Chef! He probably has some evil scheme involving awful-tasting food.

Though his cooking couldn't possibly be any more disgusting than his chest hair.
Eugh...

Fortunately, Victor shows up to save her, but The Chef isn't going down without a fight... or without using his eggbeater hand on Victor. Oh, wait, never mind - all Victor has to do is beg for him not to scramble his brains and The Chef politely surrenders. If only ALL cartoon villains were so easy to defeat...

Victor and Anita rendevouz back at U.Z.Z. Headquarters with Changed Daily... or, as he's called in this episode, Pinky Woodle... and brilliant scientist Professor Professor (Rob Rackstraw). According to Changed Daily/Pinky, it was not Victor who defeated The Chef but rather Mr. Atom - not to be confused with Atom Ant.

I think this guy is supposed to be based on John Cleese. Or maybe an Easter Island head
disguised as John Cleese. Either or.

Who is Mr. Atom? He is the smallest secret agent in the world. Even smaller than Inch High, Private Eye. He's so small, he makes Thumbelina look like Ginormica from Monsters vs. Aliens. Victor, of course, does not believe that Mr. Atom - currently standing on Professor Professor's finger - actually exists. Hasn't he ever read Horton Hears a Who? It's entirely possible for there to be people that small. In fact, a very tiny person, so small that no one can see them without a microscope, might actually make a great secret agent. They could sneak into bad guys' lairs and foil them undetected.

This does, however, raise a question - how come seemingly everyone EXCEPT Victor can see Mr. Atom without the use of a microscope? Do they all just have much better eyesight than he does?

"Pull my finger, Victor!"

Mr. Atom demonstrates how he defeated The Chef by climbing inside of Victor's nose. Good thing Victor doesn't have a head cold and his nose isn't all clogged up, that would probably make it more difficult to travel inside. Upon entering Victor's brain, he humiliates Victor by making him act like a chicken. Why exactly does everyone think the funniest thing one can do to a person is make them act like a chicken? I mean, aside from "because chickens are funny, LOL".

When Mr. Atom climbs out of Victor's head, Victor accidentally steps on him. Don't worry, he survives - he's a cartoon character, after all. And he does not think very highly of Victor and vows revenge. You see, like most very short people, Mr. Atom has a very short temper. Not only is he mad at Victor, he's also mad at Professor Professor for calling him a "nasty little man", and at Anita simply because she called him short. But that's not an insult, it's a statement of fact. It's like if Shrek were insulted because somebody called him green.

Methinks Mr. Atom has a Napoleon Complex.

Mr. Atom enters Pinky's head and has him say that they shall rue the day they ignited the wrath of the smallest secret agent in the world. Then he announces into the intercom that the base is now at "alert level code CUSTARD" and that Victor, Anita, and Professor Professor are to be eliminated. Uh oh...

Yep, he definitely has a Napoleon Complex.

The three of them make a run for it. "We have to get Mr. Atom out of Pinky Woodle!" Professor Professor exclaims. But HOW? Well, they could always shake pepper in Pinky's face and get him to sneeze him out. But Professor Professor has another idea.

Well, I wouldn't have jumped straight to zapping Pinky's head with a ray gun, but whatever
floats your boat...

The strange invention Professor Professor zaps Pinky with is actually an enlarging ray, and it turns Pinky into a giant. "Fly! Fly up his nose!" he urges Victor and Anita. "Fly up Pinky Woodle's nose and get Mr. Atom!" Of course! It's a foolproof plan! Sort of.

Quite a few people were baffled when John Cleese was cast to play King Kong, but
he actually pulled the role off quite well.

Victor and Anita manage to fly into Pinky's nose, but the agents fly in after them. Eventually, they wind up in the brain, and Professor Professor explains what's going on to the agents who aren't flying around in Pinky's head. Pinky, meanwhile, is stumbling around the city like Godzilla with a mustache, and he's heading straight for the ocean. Mr. Atom blames Victor for what's going on, because it's totally his fault that Mr. Atom took control of somebody's brain and attempted to have them eliminated. Bafflingly, Anita takes his side.

"Look, I can't help it if this guy goes around the size of a pea's smaller brother's... little... small... thing! I couldn't see him!" Victor points out. While they're bickering, Professor Professor zaps Pinky with the enlarging machine again, this time SHRINKING him so small that he winds up in Professor Professor's eye. And you thought having an EYELASH in your eye was annoying, didn't you?

"I feel like I'm running in circles!"

Anita forces Victor to apologize to Mr. Atom. Nobody forces Mr. Atom to apologize to them for what was basically ATTEMPTED MURDER, but he acknowledges that he has difficulty controlling his temper. It's an inferiority thing.

At the moment, Pinky has left Professor Professor's eye and is wandering down the celebral cortex. Note the bunny hiding among the brain matter - there are bunnies hiding all over the place in this episode. I guess nobody told them that "The Fluffy Bunny Show" had been pre-empted.

Hey, now he really IS pink-y! That's sort of amusing.

If he enters the celebral cortex, Professor Professor's head will explode. Y'know, like Donald Trump's probably would if somebody told him that he's basically done nothing to fix whatever problems our country has. But Mr. Atom has a plan - he, Victor, and Anita attatch suction cups to parts of Pinky's brain, which gets it working again and he manages to stop himself from biting down on that stringy bit connecting both sides of the brain. The day is saved.

Pinky makes it out of Professor Professor's brain, everyone else in turn makes it out of his head, and they're all returned to their normal sizes off-camera. The moral of today's story is to be nice to small people, they have feelings too and will violently retaliate against you if you do something to tick them off.

What's the Verdict?

Well, I personally found myself liking The Secret Show. It's a very funny show, with...

...hey, who are you guys? How did you get in here? What do you mean the show is so secret that I'm forbidden from doing a review of it? It's MY blog, I... what are you doing?! Put me down! I have to finish the review! LET GO OF ME!

What's the Verdict?

Secret Mountain Fort Awesome is not worth your time. The characters are disgusting, the art style is repulsive, and the jokes aren't funny at all. As I've said before, surrealism is not a substitute for good writing, and if a show is going out of its way to gross you out, it's likely doing something wrong. I do not recommend watching Secret Mountain Fort Awesome at all. There are far better Cartoon Network shows from this era worth your time.

What do you mean this wasn't the show I was originally reviewing? What's that? Something called "The Secret Show"? About spies and a guy the size of a gnat? Nope, never heard of it. And I'm not just saying that because I have a bunch of U.Z.Z. members holding me at plasma blaster-point. In fact, I don't even know what the U.Z.Z. is. What does that stand for, "United Zucchini Zesters"?