Let's Watch This: An Episode of "Hi Hi Puffy AmiYumi"

NOTE: Please do not take any of the little nitpicks in this review (or any of my other reviews, for that matter) seriously. I write these reviews in the hopes of making people laugh. Those nitpicks are really just dumb little observations that I'm attempting to make jokes out of, not complaints that add to whether or not I like something.

Let us travel back in time again to the Cartoon Network of the 2000s. This was a very hit or miss time for the channel, with most of the "classic" cartoons that were the reason it was created in the first place (so folks would have a place to watch them) banished to Boomerang and a mixed bag of cartoons whipped up to take their place. This is the decade that gave us Camp Lazlo (which I personally like), Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends (which I've already looked at), Class of 3000 (which I've also already done a review for), Squirrel Boy (which... yeah, you can see where this is going) and billboards for the channel with "I pooted." and "I'm a hot toe picker." written on them.

This makes zero sense unless you've actually watched the episode of Foster's Home
For Imaginary Friends where Bloo says this. If you haven't, search YouTube for "It's Hot in
Topeka".

Cartoon Network aired a LOT of stuff in the 2000s that you don't see folks talk all that much about nowadays. Which gives me a lot of reviewing material for this blog, especially since I actually watched a lot of Cartoon Network and Boomerang during this time period - so even if I've never seen any of the shows, I do remember seeing ads for it, so I'm at least somewhat familiar with it.

Case in point, I remember Hi Hi Puffy AmiYumi being a thing, but I never actually watched a single episode.

For those unaware, this is one of those cartoons that was made to celebrate the fact that a certain celebrity exists - in this case, a Japanese pop rock band called Puffy AmiYumi. Ami Onuki and Yumi Yoshimura are still around nowadays, I don't know how popular they are, but apparently in the 2000s they were popular enough to justify a cartoon being made about them. Here's a photo of the real Ami and Yumi:

You'll notice that they look nothing like the cartoon versions. The animated Ami and Yumi weren't even voiced by them, they were voiced by Janice Kawaye and Grey DeLisle-Griffin. Ami's the cutesy optomistic one, Yumi's the tough sarcastic one. They travel around the world in a tour bus along with their greedy manager Kaz Harada (voiced by Keone Young) getting into weird adventures.

Noteworthy is that the show was produced by Sam Register, who was at the time the vice president of Cartoon Network. It premiered in November 2004, and Cartoon Network hyped the heck out of it. There was merchandise, video games, albums... it even got a float in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. Even the Powerpuff Girls never got THAT.

Then in 2006 the show was cancelled, reruns were taken off the air, and Cartoon Network didn't even bother to air the final few episodes of the third season. Now it's basically just another footnote in Cartoon Network history. If you want to watch the show, eight episodes were released on DVD... in the United States. In Japan and Thailand, the entire series got a DVD release. But the show is also in HBO Max... in Latin America. But you can also find episodes on YouTube... that aren't exactly in the best quality.

Is the show any good? I don't know. Like I said, I've never watched a single episode. But I do know that it has its fans, so maybe I'll wind up liking it. Who knows? We'll be watching the show's second episode, which consists of THREE - not two, THREE - segments. First up, "Talent Suckers"...

After a brief live action segment with the real Ami and Yumi messing around with a video game controller, the episode begins with Ami and Yumi's tour bus driving through Slovakia. Yumi complains to Kaz that the tour bus is lousy.

Well, forty-six seconds in and I can't think of a single joke to make yet. I suppose I could make a joke about how Yumi sounds like an incredibly bored Frankie Foster? Yeah, I've got nothing.

I can't even think of a funny joke to make about this screencap.

Kaz insists that the tour bus is in mint condition... just before the bus gets stuck in some mud. "Yeah. Mint like a toilet cake," Yumi snarks. And just to add insult to injury, there's no cell service, nor does the bus have a spare tire. Which means that Ami and Yumi must walk through the rainy Slovakian swamp to go find help. Why them? Because Kaz is a coward, that's why.

Still can't think of a funny joke to make...

So Ami and Yumi go hiking through the swamp... and then suddenly MUSICAL NOTE SKULLS!

No, really, MUSICAL NOTE SKULLS! Finally, something at least slightly interesting!

You think this is what the sheet music for the songs in Corpse Bride looked like?

The reason for the MUSICAL NOTE SKULLS is because Ami and Yumi hear really bad rock music that sounds like a squirrel being tortured. But maybe whoever's making the music can help them!

Or maybe not. They follow the sound of the music and come across... punk rocker vampires. The leader of which has a Jamaican accent for some reason. Okay, three things here... number one, everybody knows that cartoon vampires live in TRANSYLVANIA, which is in ROMANIA, not Slovakia. Number two, why does one of the vampires have a Jamaican accent? Is he a reggae vampire too? Did the writers just think that a Jamaican-accented vampire would be funny? Or is that Jamaican accent actually a really bad Transylvanian accent? Number three, one of the vampires doesn't have a nose. Where is it? How does he smell things?

Just think of all the Twilight jokes I'll be able to make now that we have some vampires
in this episode.

The vampires introduce themselves as the "Talent Suckers"... presumably, they're called that because when it comes to having talent, they suck. Thank you, I'll be here all week.

Ami and Yumi tell them about their bus troubles, and the vampires say that they'd be happy to help them - right after they play a little song for them, that is. I guess since the show is about musicians, they're required to include at least one musical number in every episode.

Rock musicians have the ability to warp reality as part of their performances. It's just
common knowledge.

After that completely pointless five seconds of a song, Ami and Yumi realize that the vampires are very, very close to going all "I vant to suck your blood!" on them and make a run for it, but the vampires stop them in their tracks. They faint. Now it's time for the vampires to indeed do a little blood-sucking...

Nosferatu this ain't.

So now Ami and Yumi aren't just rock musicians, they're VAMPIRE rock musicians! Now THIS is a cool idea for a cartoon show! Except that they're not, in fact, vampires when they come to. They don't have fangs or pale skin. And the title of the episode already gave away the "twist" that the vampires sucked out their TALENT, not their blood.

Okay, so Ami and Yumi make it back to their bus and tell Kaz that they've been attacked by vampires, only for him to point out to them that they don't look like vampires. There are no bite marks on their necks, they still have reflections, and they're not tempted to suck Kaz's blood (though it would've served him right). "So, if the vampires didn't take our souls," Ami says, "What DID they take from us?" Well, Ami, perhaps I should remind you that the vampires called themselves the "TALENT Suckers". Which seems to imply that they suck, y'know, TALENT.

Actually, it takes Ami and Yumi a few seconds to realize that the vampires stole their talent. We get a few seconds of them just standing there thinking while a horrid rock song that sounds like the Jeopardy theme but isn't because Cartoon Network doesn't want to get sued blares in the background. Methinks Ami and Yumi are a few sodas short of a six-pack. The cartoon Ami and Yumi, that is. I'm sure the real Ami and Yumi are very smart.

Just think, this whole mess could have been avoided if Kaz had just brought a spare tire
with them.

Now that Ami and Yumi have no talent, Kaz attempts to tear up their contract. Fortunately, Ami is having none of that. "YOU got us into this mess, and YOU'RE going to get us OUT OF IT!" she snaps. You go, Ami. Though I personally think you'd be better off without Kaz as a manager. He sucks. And not in the way that vampires do.

Ami, Yumi and Kaz head to a place called the Gloomy Sunday, which the vampires mentioned was the coolest place in Slovakia. But Kaz doesn't head inside with them because he, uh, just saw a pay phone he can use to call a tow truck or something. See what I mean about Kaz sucking? He sucks so much that I'm not even going to include a screencap of him in this review.

Inside the Gloomy Sunday...

THREE! That's THREE vampires with no musical ability! Ah, ah, ah!

Ami and Yumi are outraged to discover that the vampires are playing a mangled version of one of THEIR songs. Yumi tries to stop them with... a toilet plunger. Wow, she's even dumber than I thought she was before. Didn't she or Ami think to bring some garlic or a wooden stake with them or SOMETHING? Or at least a Nestle Crunch bar?

The vampires summon some more vampires to surround Ami and Yumi, but before any blood-sucking can presumably get started they hear the doorbell ringing. Turns out Kaz ordered a pizza. But guess what he got on the pizza? Garlic, of course! "What do you know? Kaz actually did something USEFUL," Ami points out. I do love it when a character in something I'm reviewing makes the jokes for me.

Hooray, Yumi got to use her stupid toilet plunger.

Ami and Yumi get their talent back and make a run for it. They replace the tire with a record... which actually WORKS, because cartoon logic. Which kind of makes me wonder why they didn't just do that before (I mean, aside from "because then there'd be no plot"). And it's revealed that Kaz is a vampire now. Oh, goody, does that mean Ami and Yumi can expose him to sunlight and get a new manager who isn't such a sleaze?

Next segment...

It's a beautiful day in Mexico, where you know that Ami and Yumi are because there's a plane flying around with a banner reading "WELCOME TO MEXICO" attached to it, just in case somebody watching this was an idiot and didn't pick up on the fact that this episode would take place in Mexico from the title being "Ole!".

Gee, I was under the impression that this episode would take place in Italy!

Ami and Yumi are at a bullfight. Ami says that she hopes the bull won't get hurt. Usually in cartoons, the bull comes out of the arena fine, it's the matador who gets hurt (in a comedic non-fatal fashion). However, from my understanding most actual bullfights involve the bull being murdered. No, really. Look it up. Ami must be more knowledgeable about bullfights than you'd expect somebody who took a few seconds to realize vampires called the "TALENT Suckers" stole her and Yumi's TALENT to be.

All the best matadors wear slices of pizza on their shoulders.

As the matador and the bull do their thing, Kaz returns from the snack bar with every single kind of food that is the color red. Ami and Yumi tell him to put the food down before the bull sees it, but Kaz also happens to be wearing a red poncho. Why stop there? Why not have Kaz get a bad sunburn, or have that plane from before fly overhead and dump red paint on him or something?

For those unaware, this is a joke about matadors riling up bulls by waving a red cape at them. Actually, it's not the color of the cape that makes the bull charge, it's the fact that the matador is WAVING it. But if this leads to Kaz getting beaten up by the bull, I'll forgive any inaccuracies.

I can not, however, forgive the fact that the bull doesn't seem to have ears. Bulls have ears,
animators.

Alas, Yumi moves Kaz out of the way, and the bull winds up smashing into the stand. This attracts the attention of quite possibly the most blatant Mexican stereotype in any cartoon EVER. Seriously, just look at this guy:

Not pictured: the mariachi band that follows him around. That isn't a joke, he actually
has a mariachi band following him around.

This offensive stereotype is the mayor of whatever Mexican town it is that Ami and Yumi are visiting, and he dubs them "Master Matadors" - and gives them the job of defeating the most terrifying bull ever, El Diablo. "Doesn't anybody just say 'Thank you' anymore?" Yumi complains.

The Frito Bandito explains that every year, El Diablo blows into town, disgracing their matadors. Ami says that she can't condone violence against helpless animals, and Yumi makes up some crap about her being allergic to sharp, pointy horns. Not that it does them any good - the townspeople carry them around like they're gods or something and then toss them into a local casa.

Now would be a good time to mention that the backgrounds in this show - and in this episode particularly - are pretty lousy. I mean, just look at this one:

It's just a poorly-drawn house standing out in a drab green background with some ugly plants scattered about. You can't even tell when the sky ends and the ground begins. I've seen more detailed backgrounds in Diary of a Wimpy Kid books.

The casa that Ami and Yumi are stuck in is more like a jailhouse, with bars on the window and everything. Fortunately, Yumi just so happens to have a saw in her boot to take care of those bars. How convenient. Wouldn't it be really uncomfortable to walk around with a saw in your boot?

That night, they spot a burro and try to sneak over and ride it out of town. Yes, a burro. I guess the Mexican stereotypes aren't done being thrown at us. In fact, that burro's not even a burro at all - it's a pinata. And a bunch of townsfolk run over and start whacking it with sticks. So then they try escaping via hot air balloon... which Senor Estereotipo Ofensivo and his mariachi band are already in. Tell me, when do Ami and Yumi stop at the local cantina for some tacos and burritos and spicy Mexican boys trying to make the moves on them? No, better yet - why don't you have them go to Taco Bell, do the Mexican Hat Dance, and sing about how funny George Lopez is?

This is, like, The Chipmunk Adventure levels of stereotypical.

After that, Ami and Yumi try digging a tunnel... only to wind up in the middle of a fountain that looks like part of a Mayan temple. Even the Mexico pavilion at EPCOT is less stereotypical than this!

So Ami and Yumi give up on trying to get the heck out of Mexican Stereotypeland and agree to do the bullfight. This is where we actually get to see El Diablo in all of his gigantic, purple, weirdly buff glory.

Well, on the bright side, at least THIS bull has ears...

Ami and Yumi get chased around the arena by the bull for about a minute, we get some unfunny gags, then just when it seems like Ami and Yumi are going to be... what exactly does the bull plan on doing to them, anyway? Eating them? Bulls are herbivores. Well, anyway, Kaz shows up in their tour bus, which he's redecorated to look like an even bigger bull, and upon seeing that El Diablo gets all freaked out. Because Kaz defeated El Diablo, the Biggest Mexican Stereotype in Any Cartoon Ever dubs HIM the new "Master Matador", the mariachi band plays again, and then the segment just... stops.

But we still have one more segment to sit through!

Here we see Ami and Yumi signing autographs before returning to their dressing room to find... babies crawling around and causing property damage. Kaz enters and explains that these babies are part of his latest attempt to increase Ami and Yumi's fanbase (and, of course, the size of his wallet).

Are the babies just abnormally large, or is all the furniture in Ami and Yumi's dressing room
small?

He calls them... the Mini-Puffs. I'm not one hundred percent sure what his plan is... maybe he watched Muppet Babies and decided that if doing "baby" versions of the Muppets worked out well, then surely doing "baby" versions of Ami and Yumi would be a huge success. Yumi is annoyed, but Ami insists that the cute little babies won't ruin their superstar lifestyle. So how long until she eats those words?

I think dressing up your baby like this qualifies as some sort of abuse.

So the babies do their first performance, which consists of them "playing instruments" and babbling... and that's about it. "Hey! I'M supposed to be the cute one here!" Ami snaps. The crowd eats it up, and Kaz informs Ami and Yumi that the Mini-Puffs will be coming on tour with them... with Ami and Yumi serving as their babysitters. They already agreed to it in a subsection of the contract that they signed. Always read the fine print.

I have to ask, why exactly do Ami and Yumi stick with Kaz? Surely they can find a new manager.

"What are we going to do with all of this Hi Hi Puffy AmiYumi merchandise now that the
show's been cancelled?"

"Who cares? Just chuck it into the fire with all of the Squirrel Boy merchandise that nobody
is buying..."

Later, while Kaz is counting all the Mini-Puffs merchandise he's going to sell, we get a montage of Ami and Yumi failing miserably at being babysitters. Question - where exactly are these babies' parents? Are they aware that Kaz is trying to profit off their childrens' images? Is Kaz a baby-snatcher?

Ami and Yumi really are helpless, aren't they? I can understand needing to be saved
from vampires and a bull, but they're just BABIES. It's not like you're trying to raise
a great white shark or something...

This goes on for FIVE DAYS, and Ami and Yumi complain to Kaz that the babies are running them ragged. Kaz (after letting one of the babies drive the bus - because that's TOTALLY a good idea, isn't it?) tells them to shut up and stop whining because they're being paid very well for "a couple of nannies". Ami has to remind him that they're, y'know, the pop stars he is the manager of, to which he just shrugs and says, "Nope. Doesn't ring a bell."

So finally and I do mean FINALLY Ami and Yumi tell Kaz that they're quitting and that he can take care of the Mini-Puffs himself. Right on, girls.

Now they're free to do poorly-animated wild takes.

Then Ami and Yumi realize that they just quit being Puffy AmiYumi and become convinced that the babies tricked them into letting them steal their "totally awesome pop star life". Again, I question as to why they can't just find a new manager. Does Kaz just own the Puffy AmiYumi name and brand too? Does he own their likenesses? Can he continue to use their likenesses, or are Ami and Yumi allowed to sue him for that? I'm not sure how the music business works...

Kaz, meanwhile, is having difficulty getting the babies to do what he wants. Ami and Yumi show up and tell him that they'd be HAPPY to help him with the Mini-Puffs... on one condition. That he sign a contract. After that, Ami and Yumi sing the babies a lullaby and get their fame back. And apparently that contract included a subsection about Kaz now being their slave. Not exactly the comeuppance I was hoping for, but eh, it's better than nothing.

What's the Verdict?

Why do so many of the cartoons that I review wind up being mediocre? It's easier to make jokes about something that's awful than it is to make jokes about something that's just mediocre. Case in point, this. Hi Hi Puffy AmiYumi has a lot of problems. The animation is really bad - the lousy backgrounds, stiff movements, and equally stiff character designs add up to something that's not fun to look at. Ami and Yumi are really dull protagonists. Kaz, meanwhile, is really unlikeable - like, the sort of character you want to punch in the face because they're so sleazy and obnoxious. Say what you will about Mr. Krabs, but he's at least entertaining in his over-the-top greed. Very few of the jokes are funny. And, oh yeah, one of the segments features a million offensive Mexican stereotypes. I will say that Janice Kawaye and Grey DeLisle-Griffin do their best with the lame script that they've been given, but aside from that, there's really not much of substance here. I can see why the show didn't catch on, but as far as bad Cartoon Network shows go, I'd gladly watch this over something like My Gym Partner's a Monkey.

I hope the real Ami and Yumi have gone on to better things, because I'd hate for this cartoon to be the thing that torpedoed their career. It probably didn't, but then again I don't know much about the music industry so I wouldn't know for sure.