Let's Watch This - An Episode of "Class of 3000"

Let's talk a little about what I like to call "Celebrity Toons". You probably haven't heard of a "Celebrity Toon" before, but it's what happens when a celebrity decides that they want to make their own cartoon show starring themselves. Usually, this results in a cartoon where the entire premise is that it's some celebrity but they're animated. Examples of this include Life With Louie, starring Louie Anderson...

Jackie Chan Adventures, which from what I've heard is actually pretty good (though it should be noted that Jackie didn't voice himself, but he still appeared in the show's live action segments)...

And of course, 1991's Rover Dangerfield, which features Rodney Dangerfield as a dog and way too many one-liners to list here.

In 2006, musician Andre "3000" Benjamin of the hip-hop group OutKast decided that HE wanted to be a cartoon character, so he teamed up with the guys at Cartoon Network to make a little show called Class of 3000.

Class of 3000 premiered in 2006. It focuses on a jazz musician named Sunny Bridges, voiced by Andre, deciding that he hates being a celebrity and moves back to his hometown of Atlanta, where the local School of Performing Arts just so happens to be THIS CLOSE to shutting down its music program. Long story short, Sunny meets the kids who are part of the music program and decides to become their music teacher.

I remember seeing ads for this show, but until now I've never watched a full episode. It just didn't look interesting to me. Maybe because when the show was on I had no idea who Andre Benjamin was (and to be honest, I'm STILL not familiar with the guy at all). Apparently there was one episode where the kids all turn blue (I don't wanna know why that happened), and that's pretty much all I know. Oh yeah, and there's one episode where they show a clip from a classic Quick-Draw McGraw cartoon and they had Tom Kenny redub Quick-Draw's voice for some reason. And let me tell you, Tom Kenny, despite how talented he is, does a really bad Quick-Draw impression (maybe I should stop reviewing Cartoon Network shows from the 2000s so I don't have to keep criticizing Tom Kenny).

But apparently the show was pretty well-received, so who knows? Maybe there's something of substance here. Let's watch the episode "Too Cool For School" and see if it's any good.

Of course, before the show actually begins, we have to sit through its intro sequence. It's loud, obnoxious, and set to a horrible... rap song, I think? My expectations are getting significantly lower.

The episode starts off with Sonny and the kids... uh, climbing a snow-covered mountain. Okay. I suppose I should probably introduce all the kids: there's Lil' D (voiced by somebody named Small Fire), who's Sonny's biggest fan and the unofficial leader of the kids. Then there's Madison (Jennifer Hale), a moron who's always happy-happy-happy and also a lunatic. Y'know, just like THIS obnoxious character:

Strike two, show. Stike two.

Anyhow, then there's Tamika (Crystal Scales), the stereotypical sassy African-American girl because stereotypes. Kim and Kam (both Janice Kawaye) are twins who are the exact opposite in personality. Phillip P. Phil (Phil LaMarr) is kind of eccentric and also an inventor. And finally, there's Eddie, a rich kid who's voiced by Tom Kenny (because this was during the time period when the people at Cartoon Network became obsessed with Tom Kenny and shoehorned him into every show they made) not even bothering to actually sound like a child.

So anyway, Lil' D complains about how cold it is. Tamika throws a snowball at him. Kim complains about how her snow boots are getting snow on them, apparently not understanding the point of snow boots. Eventually, they all reach a cave where they meet some monks. Sonny knows the monks, and he tells them to "Do that thing y'all do."

I don't know why, but I feel like I should find the designs of those monks offensive.

The monks, as it turns out, can hold a note for hours without ever stopping for a breath, a technique that they call "circular breathing". Eddie claims that he can already hold a note without stopping for a breath, then demonstrates... and he fails. Nyuck nyuck nyuck. It's then revealed that Sonny actually brought the entire mountain to his backyard so that the monks could teach the kids "circular breathing" - and it sure was a lot of work. Okay, I will admit that was kind of funny.

"Wouldn't it have been easier for us to just fly to Tibet?" Kam points out. "Yep. But y'all wouldn't have made it back in time for third period," Sonny replies.

After that, the kids arrive back at school and talk about how cool Sonny is and how the rest of the school is so boring in comparison. For example, their science teacher, Mr. Bohr (also Tom Kenny). You know he's boring because his name sounds very much like "Mr. BORE". And also he kind of sounds like Ben Stein.

He also has a nose that even Toucan Sam would be jealous of.

Mr. Bohr demonstrates how incredibly boring he is by mixing two liquids that, when mixed together, do not explode but rather do nothing. Lil' D suggests that, instead, they do an experiment with liquid carbonite, but Mr. Bohr tells them that they don't have the scientific training to fool around with a chemical like liquid carbonite. "This liquid carbonite is chilled to an extremely low temperature," he says. As Mr. Bohr yammers on, he keeps tapping the jar like an idiot, and eventually it tips over and spills all over him. The result? This.

"I WAS FROZEN TODAY!"

Kam is all, "Now we don't have a science teacher! This sucks!", to which Kim is all, "Hey, why don't we replace Mr. Bohr with a COOL science teacher?!" They could get a FAMOUS teacher, like Sonny! Kam thinks of Albert Einstein, Phillip thinks of a robot who looks like Albert Einstein, and Madison thinks of... a live action rabbit. I guess this is supposed to be a joke about how stupid she is. I say "supposed to be" because jokes in their very nature are funny whereas this gag wasn't.

You know what? Let me guess how the rest of the episode is going to go down - the kids are gonna get a science teacher who lets them do whatever they want, they're gonna goof around with dangerous chemicals, eventually they all learn a valuable lesson about not goofing around with dangerous chemicals, and the episode ends with the revelation that they never bothered to unfreeze Mr. Bohr. That's what's gonna happen, right? If it does, I at least hope that something blows up. Things in cartoons blowing up are always funny.

Kim suggests that they get some hot stud named Grayson Brooding, who's currently filming a Jurassic Park knockoff. He's voiced by Jeff Bennett, so that's one good thing I can say about this cartoon. Kam points out that Grayson is just an actor and ergo probably wouldn't make a very good science teacher, but Kim says that according to her magazine Dreamy Actor Digest, he's the "dreamiest actor ever this week" or whatever despite the fact that just because somebody is "dreamy" doesn't mean that they would make a good science teacher. Regardless, they ask Grayson and he initially thinks it's a dumb idea but after some convincing decides to help them. Oh, and we get a gag about one of the kids acting like a chimp. Because this was Cartoon Network in the 2000s, the studio that thought primates automatically equaled humor. See also My Gym Partner's a Monkey.

It kind of looks like his top half is about to fall off his bottom half.

So now Grayson Brooding is their science teacher and predictably he doesn't teach them a ding-dang thing. But the kids don't give a crap because of how cool the guy is. "Now we got TWO cool celeb teachers!" Lil' D announces. "Too bad we don't have a fun celebrity for History Class," Eddie points out. Kinda funny how the Tom Kenny-voiced main character in a 2000s Cartoon Network show is the one who's had the least number of lines so far. So predictably, the kids decide to replace their HISTORY teacher with an exciting celebrity as well. Methinks a moral for them to learn is on the horizon!

Phillip suggests that they get some race car driver named Bobby Jack, but Kim doesn't have his phone number. But then it occurs to her - Sonny (remember him? He's still in this episode) has the same model of phone as her, and HE probably has Bobby Jack's number, so she decides to steal Sonny's phone and leave HER phone in its place. Yeah, steal the cool teacher's phone. That's a great thing to do, you ungrateful kid.

This is Bobby Jack. He too has an extremely long nose.

They're able to get Bobby Jack to be their new History teacher, and he too isn't much of a teacher. But again, the kids don't care because their teacher is a cool celebrity.

Pictured: five idiot kids. And some lockers that, judging from the wrinkly lines,
are in desperate need of some ironing.

Predictably, the kids now want to have a celebrity teach them ENGLISH, too. Kim makes another phone call and soon they're being taught English by a game show host. "There's new celebrities here every minute!" Madison exclaims. Their dance teacher is now a giant robot from some movie, and their biology teacher is now a parody of the Kool-Aid Man. They're both voiced by Maurice LaMarche (as is the game show host, by the way).

Sonny, meanwhile, has finally figured out what the heck is going on and confronts Kim for stealing his cell phone and using it to call up a bunch of celebrities to be their teachers. He correctly points out that the celebrities aren't exactly "teachers"... Sonny might be a celebrity, but he's actually, you know, TEACHING THE KIDS. Kim's justification is, "But at least they're all famous!" I think that's the motto of whoever is in charge of voice-casting for today's animated movies and cartoon shows - so long as they're famous, it doesn't matter if they can actually voice act.

Sonny's having none of your crap, Kim.

More and more celebrities keep showing up at the school, and with them lunatics who won't give Sonny a moment to relax.

"AAAAAAAAAUGH! IT'S THE PURPLE PEOPLE FROM THE PLANET
PURPULON!"

However, eventually the kids that are not Kim start to grow bored of Bobby Jack's way of teaching, and the halls are so crowded with papparazzi that they can't get to their lockers. "This crowd of people is full of people!" Madison complains. "Maybe all of this would be worth it if the celebrities were good teachers," Kam admits, "But they're not! In fact, most of them are at a grade level significantly below ours!" The kids decide to go find Sonny, as surely HE'LL know what to do.

Well, it would seem that the kids have learned a lesson, haven't they? Boy, I sure didn't see THAT coming...

Meanwhile, Sonny walks into the teacher's lounge to find the teachers packing their things and complaining about how they've all been replaced by celebrities. Terrence McGovern, Frank Welker, and Grey Griffin know how THAT feels. "This is ridiculous!" Sonny says. "You guys are GREAT teachers, these celebrities ain't qualified to replace you!" Thus, he decides to find Kim, eat the cell phone that she's using to get all of these celebrities, and read her the riot act. Alas, Kim's still not getting the message, so Sonny is all "I'm outta here!" and leaves. And since he took the phone, Kim can't find another celebrity to take his place!

Kim is finally realizing that Sonny was right - "Of course Sonny was right! He's ALWAYS right!" Lil' D says in response. Then Phillip picks his nose. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha this is bad comedy.

The kids all go to Sonny's house and are greeted by a monk. He tells them that Sonny is "chilling in his vegetable garden", so they go out to the garden and discover that Sonny has become a farmer.

How is the horse supposed to pull that cart if there's a hat over his eyes?

Sonny tells them that he prefers the simple life of a farmer to teaching music to kids. He'll only come back if the other teachers can get THEIR jobs back too. Kim starts concocting a plan to make the celebrities WANT to leave...

The plan, as it turns out, is to go on TV and tell the celebrities that Sonny Bridges thinks that teaching is yesterday's news - FARMING is the hot new thing! We then get a music video starring Sonny and the kids about how cool farming is.

 

And yet, this is STILL better than the Powerpuff Girls reboot.

Believe it or not, this actually works - the celebrities all bail on the school to become farmers, and Principal Jeff Bennett begs Sonny and the other teachers to come back. The kids have learned a valuable lesson, the sun drives away in a limousine (I'm not kidding), and Mr. Bohr is still frozen but nobody cares. The end.

I'll admit that Class of 3000 wasn't as bad as I expected it to be, but I would not call it a good show. Sunny's kind of cool, I guess, but the kids are unlikable and blatant stereotypes, the jokes aren't funny, the songs are bad, and - ironically enough, given the plot of the episode - the show seems to think that having a big celebrity like Andre Benjamin lending his voice to it will help it stand out, and it doesn't. It's still yet another mediocre at best Cartoon Network show from the 2000s that I don't think anybody will look at with as much fondness as they do a show like The Powerpuff Girls or Dexter's Laboratory. But hey, if you actually DO like it, that's fine.

Cartoon Network - and every other animation studio in the world (DreamWorks, I'm looking at you) - could learn a lesson from this show and this episode: celebrities do not automatically make something better. Class dismissed.