Let's Watch This - "You're In The Super Bowl, Charlie Brown" (1994)

Tomorrow is the biggest day of the year for football fans - Super Bowl Sunday! For those unaware, that's the day that the Super Bowl airs. Everybody watches the Super Bowl... or at least, the majority of people watch the Super Bowl. Some for the actual game, others for the commercials.

And do you know what ELSE the majority of people watch? Peanuts television specials. There's a reason why every year, at least one channel airs It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown around Halloween, then A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving around Thanksgiving, and A Charlie Brown Christmas around Christmas. Because people love those specials. By contrast, nobody liked that 2013 Holiday special with Lady Gaga and the Muppets, hence why that to my knowledge has only aired once (though I think it did wind up on Netflix for a while).

Because people love seeing Charlie Brown and his friends in animated television specials, there have been millions of those things. Some you're likely to recognize if I mention 'em - You're Not Elected, Charlie Brown? Yeah, you've probably seen that (I'm pretty sure they used to air it after It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown). Charlie Brown's All-Stars? You might've seen that once. Now I'll name a few Peanuts TV specials that aren't as iconic - It's a Mystery, Charlie Brown? Have you ever seen that? How about She's a Good Skate, Charlie Brown? No? Well, there's You're the Greatest, Charlie Brown... never seen that? Well, have you watched It's Spring Training, Charlie Brown? Not even once, huh? Well, surely you've seen It's the Girl in the Red Truck, Charlie Brown (which doesn't even star Charlie Brown, by the way) at least once, right? No? Well, how about You Need to Grow a Spine, Charlie Brown? Have you seen THAT one? Of course you haven't, because I just made that one up. But here's one that actually does indeed exist - You're in the Super Bowl, Charlie Brown. Have you seen You're in the Super Bowl, Charlie Brown?

This special, the 37th one starring Charlie Brown to be made, premiered in the January of 1994 as a tie-in with that year's Super Bowl. It's only been released on VHS once. And at participating Shell gas stations. The problem with this is, well, who the heck buys a VHS at a gas station? Is there really anybody who goes to a gas station and says, "Hey, while I'm getting my car's tank refilled, I'll see what the movie selection they have here is like?"

Anyhow, the special never got a DVD release. Why? Well, Warner Home Video - the company that currently has dibs on DVD releases of the Peanuts TV specials - doesn't have distribution rights to it. When Paramount Home Entertainment held the rights to release DVDs of the Peanuts TV specials, THEY didn't have distribution rights to it either. This might be because at one point in this special we see the NFL logo, and the characters wear football helmets with the logos of actual NFL teams on them (for example, we've got Pig-Pen wearing a Green Bay Packers helmet) and as a result if either company were to release it on DVD they'd have to pay royalties to the NFL.

So anyhow, this is a special that exists. And by the way, the title is a big fat lie - the special's not about Charlie Brown and his friends playing in the Super Bowl (though I think that's for the best, since had they did a special with that premise they likely would've pulled a It's Your First Kiss, Charlie Brown and have Lucy cost them the game by pulling the ball away from Charlie Brown). So what IS it about? Well, let's take a look at it and we'll see. This will be just as exciting as watching the actual Super Bowl!

Well, only there aren't any commercials. Nor is there a halftime show. But maybe you can get some buffalo wings to eat as you're reading this. I'll wait.














You back? Good. Let's dive in.

The special begins with Snoopy (Bill Melendez) serving as the coach of a football team consisting of Woodstock and his identical-looking bird friends. They're playing in a tournament for the AFL - that's the Animal Football League. The first rival team to take them on is a bunch of cats.

"Why are we here again, Linus?"
"I have no idea, Charlie Brown. I have no idea..."

I like the design of the cats that the birds are playing against. I especially love how dumbfounded they look... though, to be fair, you'd probably be dumbfounded too if you were clobbered in a football game against tiny yellow birds.

"Sufferin' succotash, we're being beaten by birds!"
"I hate Mondays..."

Seriously, it's incredible how much ease the birds have in taking the cats down. Also, during this scene the animators apparently got lazy because they just replay the same exact clips of the birds pummeling the cats. They don't even try to hide it. Eventually, the birds win and they celebrate by dousing Snoopy with "Chirpade".

After that, we cut to Charlie Brown (Jimmy Guardino) and Lucy (Molly Dunham). Lucy has a football. You know the drill... she's all "I'll hold the football, and you come running up and kick it." And then he's all "I'm not that stupid, and I find the fact that you think I'm that stupid insulting to my intelligence. You're gonna pull it away and then I'm gonna hurt myself." Then she talks him into it, blah-blah-blah, "This time I'm gonna kick that football clear to the moon!"

Before Charlie Brown can kick it, however, they're suddenly interrupted by Peppermint Patty (Haley Peel), Marcie (Nicole Fisher), and Franklin. Peppermint Patty has a flyer for a "Punt, Pass and Kick" Contest, and she thinks that they should all enter. The first prize is a new bicycle and a trip to the Super Bowl. Marcie says that she sucks at football and that if she entered, she wouldn't win. Linus (who A] showed up while Peppermint Patty was talking and B] is voiced by John Christian Graas) then takes a look at the flyer and points out that it says whoever wins will get a chance to be in the finals at the Super Bowl. Then Lucy takes a look at it, and Charlie Brown tries to kick the football while she's distracted... alas, she pulls it away again, and Charlie Brown hurts himself. Rats.

Marcie says that she's not sure if she wants to go to the "Splendid Bowl" anyway, and then we cut to Charlie Brown and Linus doing some practicing.

Is it just me, or is that football unusually large? Seriously, just look at it.
It's almost as big as Linus' head!

While they're practicing, they wind up running into a girl who Linus and Charlie Brown are instantly smitten by. How many times now has Linus met some girl who he's instantly smitten by? I swear, it's happened to him even more than it's happened to Charlie Brown. He should learn by now that these romances with one-shot characters never work out.

I love Charlie Brown's expression here... is he trying to look seductive?
Because that's what I think he's trying to do...

The girl introduces herself as Melody Melody (Crystal Kuns). "I've been watching you," she says. "For years now, actually." Well, okay, she doesn't actually say that last part, but wouldn't it have been creepy if she had?

They go to an ice cream shop for hot fudge sundaes, and Charlie Brown and Linus tell Melody Melody about the contest. She says that she'll be rooting for them. Linus replies by dubbing Melody Melody the most beautiful girl that he's ever seen. But enough about that, how are the birds doing?
Well, now they're playing against a team of dogs.

"Hey, uh, Ted?"
"Yeah, Fido?"
"Isn't it kind of weird that those birds have a dog - as in, one of US - for a coach?"
"Yeah, but hey, our coach is a rhinoceros. Who are WE to judge?"

(NOTE: I know that the TV Trash review of this special already pointed this out.
Please forgive me for my uncreativity)

Of course, the birds clobber the dogs, too. And we get more reused clips - in fact, I'm pretty sure they even reused some animation from the earlier scene with the cats. Disney isn't the only company to recycle animation, it would seem. Also, at one point a dog makes this face:

The birds win again, and once again Snoopy gets doused with Chirpade. "And remember," the announcer says (yeah, there's an announcer, too. I should've brought that up earlier), "Chirpade is all-natural, so you should feel free to go au naturel." A joke about being naked. Classy, fellas. Real classy.

Then we finally get to see that contest that they've been building up to this whole special. Everybody is warming up - Linus is doing jumping-jacks AND having a spazz-attack at the same time, Charlie Brown is doing this weird thing with his arms, that kid in yellow is, uh, imitating a chicken and Lucy is touching her toes.

Though in this screenshot, it looks more like she's holding her pants up...

Linus notices Melody Melody standing nearby. He's all "I bet she's rooting for ME!" and then Charlie Brown is all "Nuh-uh, she's rooting for ME!" and then Linus is all "I love her even more than Sally loves me!" Speaking of which, I'm just now realizing that Sally's not in this special. Where IS she? I know the comics established that she's not particularly good at football, but still...

After that, we cut to Lucy dancing like a marionette before running onto the field to go first in the contest. She manages to throw the ball twelve feet and three inches, but fails epically at kicking it. There's something satisfying about that.

Next it's Franklin's turn, and we discover that his last name is "Armstrong". Huh. Who knew? Maybe if he wins, it'll make up for the fact that in this special he doesn't have any lines. He throws the ball twenty-seven feet and six inches, then kicks it sixty feet and two inches. Peppermint Patty goes next, and after throwing the ball she starts dancing for some reason. "TWENTY-EIGHT FEET, FOUR INCHES!" the kid who's in charge of measuring the distance that the ball goes (also voiced by John Christian Graas) shouts. Then Peppermint Patty kicks it seventy feet and eight inches.

Pig-Pen goes next (no, we don't get to find out his real name. The announcer just calls him "Pig-Pen"). He throws the ball twenty-four feet and three inches, then kicks it forty-five feet and two inches. Marcie goes next, and we find out that HER last name is "Johnson".

Even Marcie looks surprised that we're actually learning her last name.

She throws it eighteen feet and six inches, then can't bring herself to kick it - "What did it ever do to me?" she points out.

Charlie Brown's up next. He throws it SEVENTY-TWO FEET AND SIX INCHES, then he kicks it SEVENTY FEET AND FOUR INCHES. What's this? Charlie Brown actually successful at something?! It must be my birthday!

Linus goes, and he throws it seventy-two feet and eight inches, then kicks it seventy feet and eight inches. "He did it! He did it! He beat Chuck Brown!" Peppermint Patty says. "Chuck Brown"? Doesn't she usually just call him "Chuck"?

Well, it seems as though Linus is going to win this... until the announcer says that there's one more contestant: Melody Melody! She throws it eighty feet and six inches before kicking it seventy-two feet and eight inches - or, as Charlie Brown puts it, "to Kingdom Come." Linus is humiliated, and believe it or not, we actually get to see the announcer. An adult. In a Peanuts cartoon. Technically this isn't the first time, but it's still pretty jarring.

It's just so WEIRD...

Melody Melody wins the bike and the ticket to the Super Bowl. "So long, Linus! Watch me on TV!" she says in a rather annoying fashion before riding off. So, essentially, the whole point of this subplot with Melody Melody was so that the special could end with Linus feeling like trash? What?

Actually, the special's not over yet. Remember the birds? Now they're playing against bison. Bison that look nothing like actual bison. THIS is what an actual bison looks like...

And here are the bison that appear in the special...

Forgot to take a screencap, so I had to find a picture on Google Image Search...

They look like a cross between Binky Barnes from Arthur and the main monster from Where the Wild Things Are.

As you might have guessed, the birds beat the bison and we get more reused clips and animation. Lucy shows up and tells Coach Snoopy that his game plan is all wrong. Ah yes, and at one point the announcer makes a reference to that "Where's the beef?!" thing that apparently was still popular in 1994. Then Lucy gets Chirpade dumped on her. Also very satisfying.

Then we cut to Charlie Brown and Linus at the brick wall. Linus is still bummed out that his dream girl was just leading him on and dubs himself too trusting. Charlie Brown brings up what Lucy said earlier about how you can't go through life not trusting anyone... just as Lucy shows up with a football. The end.

Boy, was that dull. The reused animation and clips, the lack of plot, the whole thing just reeks of BLAH. Is it the worst Peanuts special that I've ever seen? No. At least it's not as frustrating as It's Your First Kiss, Charlie Brown or Happy New Year, Charlie Brown. It's just very blah.

To end this review, here's a link to TV Trash's review of the special. It's much better than mine.

In fact, here's another review of this special that's a lot better than mine. And another. Maybe I should've given you the link to those earlier instead of making you read mine. Ah well...