Let's Watch This - An Episode of "Corneil and Bernie"

When I was younger, there was a channel called Nicktoons Network.

Now, technically this channel is still around today, but it's a tad different. It was launched in 2002 as a place for Nickelodeon cartoons - or "Nicktoons", as they're usually called - that weren't airing on the network anymore. It's because of this channel that I was introduced to shows like Rocko's Modern Life, Hey Arnold, and The Angry Beavers. Then at some point in the 2010s, things changed. Now it's pretty much just a channel that shows the same shows as Nickelodeon. It's even aired live-action things at some point. Oh, sure, it IS airing a couple shows at the moment that don't air on Nickelodeon anymore... three of them, to be specific: Back at the Barnyard, the 2012 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and Sanjay and Craig. That's it. No reruns of The Penguins of Madagascar or The Wild Thornberrys or T.U.F.F. Puppy or anything like that anymore.

But hey, at least we have TeenNick's NickRewind block (or as it used to be called, NickSplat, or as it was called before that, The Splat, or as it was called before THAT, The 90s Are All That)! Even if it, as of writing, now only airs three shows. Hopefully that changes at some point.

In addition to the reruns, Nicktoons also, in its heyday, aired some original content - some made for the network, others acquired programming. For example, it introduced us Americans to Kappa Mikey, The Secret Show, Edgar and Ellen, Martin Mystery, Shuriken School, Kaput and Zosky, and the show we'll be looking at today: Corneil and Bernie.

What, exactly, is Corneil and Bernie? Well, it's a French cartoon also known as Watch My Chops (whatever that means) about a dog named Corneil much smarter than most people. He can talk, read, write, and surf the internet. Meanwhile, Bernie is a moron who finds out that Corneil can talk - but Corneil is afraid to let anyone ELSE know that he can talk, so Bernie is entrusted to keep his secret. Between 2003 and 2006, two seasons were produced, then in 2014 the show came back with new episodes, but I'm not sure if those episodes ever aired in the United States.

I remember watching at least one episode of the show when it was on Nicktoons, but that was years ago. Does the show still hold up? Let's watch an episode and find out!

Specifically, we'll be watching the episode "Jungle Panic".

Oh, my mistake... it's actually "JungLe PaniC"...

After the theme song, we discover that "Jungle Panic" is, in addition to being the name of the episode, a game show that Bernie likes to watch. There's just one rule - survive for a week on a tropical island. Bernie wants to be on the show, but he's apparently too stupid to write an application himself, so he asks Corneil to do it. This causes Corneil to, uh, have flashbacks to the Titanic... oh-kaaaaaaaaaay.

But then Bernie mentions that he'll be on the show for a whole week. A whole week without this idiot around to drive Corneil nuts sounds good, so Corneil changes his tune and writes up that application.

Why does Corneil's couch look like a giant purple nacho?

After mailing the application, Bernie gets a call from the guy that runs Jungle Panic, who says that he can be on the show - but on one condition. Corneil has to come too. For some reason. "You're so lucky I sent in a copy of this picture!" Bernie exclaims, holding up a picture of them.

I'm just now realizing how much Corneil looks like Odie from Garfield...

"Bernie, there's no way that I'm leaving this apartment for some bug-infested jungle without water or electricity!" Corneil snaps. He's not changing his mind. "No" means "no".

Alas, the Gilligan Cut does its thing and we then see Corneil and Bernie about to board the ship that'll take them to the island. They bid a fond farewell to Bernie's... parents, I think? Anyway, they bid a fond farewell to them and head off on the boat despite how much Corneil doesn't want to. On the island, they are given a speech from some army general wannabe guy. "If there is a problem, set off your distress player and we'll come and get you! BUT, you'll be out of the game!" he barks. "Good luck."

Blue-Haired Idiot is all "Isn't this cool?!", then Corneil notices a camera hidden in a tree. In fact, there are MULTIPLE cameras scattered around the island. "The whole world could discover my secret at any moment!" the dog exclaims. But because Bernie is an idiot, he still refuses to give up and let them go home.

Unlike the other contestants, Bernie doesn't seem to give a rat's tail about building a shelter or finding food or whatever. Fortunately, Corneil has an idea - he'll simply drive the other two contestants off the island, meaning that Bernie will win and they can go home. It's GENIUS!

He manages to freak out one contestant with their distress flare, then lets the other contestant hear him talk and convince him that he's gone insane.

I love the pose and expression on this guy here.

Meanwhile, Corneil's idiot owner is hungry. He sees a bird (not sure what kind... it's hard to tell with this art style) and chases after it.

I'd probably run like heck too if this guy were chasing after me.

Okay, so as it turns out, Corneil's plan wasn't to get rid of the other contestants so that Bernie could win... it was to get rid of them, then tell Bernie that the island is dangerous and that they should leave now. But Bernie refuses - they came there to win, and that's what he's gonna do. "So THAT'S your survival plan?!" Corneil demands. "YOU CAN'T EVEN WRITE A LETTER WITHOUT ME, SO HOW DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING TO SURVIVE IN A JUNGLE?!"

"YOU THINK YOU CAN GET ALONG BETTER WITHOUT ME, DO YA?!" Bernie replies. "ALL RIGHT, CORNEIL... FROM NOW ON, IT'S EVERY MAN... OR DOG... FOR HIMSELF!" Corneil is just fine with that. As am I. He'll likely do better without this moron around.

Then it starts raining, because of course it does.

Day 2 of Jungle Panic and Bernie is putting all of his energy into winning. "But Bernie is going to have to overcome some daunting challenges if he's going to win!" the host announces. For example, building a hut... which he fails at. And making a fire... which he attempts to do in the rain. Ice Age did this joke better. Just saying.

Now let's see how Corneil is doing...

Pretty darn well, I'd say.

Bernie goes begging Corneil for help. Corneil wants to make a deal with him - all Bernie has to do is set off his distress flare and he can have some of Corneil's food. Bernie agrees, but the distress flare winds up going out of control, destroying a camera and Corneil's burrow. Fish Lips is more concerned that now he can't have any of Corneil's food.

Bernie admits that Corneil was right and that he can't do it on his own. Corneil says that he'll help Bernie, but first they have to get rid of the cameras... which they accomplish by pelting mud at them.

Look at the clashing art styles... Corneil looks like he was designed by Bob Kurtz (I think it's mainly the eyes) and Bernie looks like he came from a Klasky-Csupo cartoon.

The guy who runs Jungle Panic sends paramedics to the island, where they discover Corneil and Bernie with a small cabin and a windmill.

And a strangely-colored palm tree, too.

One of the paramedics tells Bernie that a crew will be coming to fix the cameras. After they leave, Corneil becomes angry - he and Bernie agreed that they would go back on the first boat. But Bernie is, as we've established before, an idiot and STILL wants to win. And just to add insult to injury, the mud on one camera has dried up and comes off, zooming in on Bernie just as he's talking to Corneil about how he can talk and no one is watching them and how he built the cabin.

Seeing this on TV, Bernie's... again, I think that's his dad but I could be wrong... calls up Jungle Panic and informs them that Bernie's now as mad as a March Hare and begs them to do something. Soon Corneil is in a raft that's about to head off for home, watching two crew members drag Bernie onto the raft protesting that he's not crazy. The end.

This is another show that I'm gonna put in the "okay" category. I like Corneil. Bernie can get kind of annoying, but I can stomach him for the most part. The show isn't a laugh riot, but it IS kind of funny. There isn't much I can say about it aside from "it's okay".

NOTE: After watching the episode, I did some research and found out that those two aren't Bernie's parents, nor is Corneil Bernie's dog. They're Corneil's owners, and Bernie is merely his pet-sitter.

P.S. I still don't know what "Watch My Chops" means.