Let's Watch This: An Episode of "Hercules: The Animated Series"

In 1997, Disney released Hercules.

Of the animated films that make up the Disney Renaissance, Hercules might be the black sheep. It didn't make nearly as much money as its predecessors, was torn apart - particularly by Greeks - for how inaccurate it is towards the myths it was based on, and Disney hardly acknowledges the film nowadays. And yet, despite all of this, Disney still thought the film had the potential to make a great TV series.

And that's how we got Hercules: The Animated Series (or just Hercules, as it's usually called).

Hercules: The Animated Series premiered August 31st, 1998 and ran for two seasons, making for a total of sixty-five episodes. Unlike Disney's other TV shows based on their movies like Aladdin: The Series and The Legend of Tarzan, the show doesn't take place after the movie but rather in the middle of it - specifically, when Hercules is a teenager, training with Phil. When Herc's not training to be a hero, he's going to high school. Actually, I think this might've been one of the first Disney cartoons where the main character goes to high school (you know how many of those there are).

They managed to get a good chunk of the original voice cast back - Tate Donavan, James Woods, Matt Frewer, Bobcat Goldthwait... alas, Danny DeVito was too busy to reprise his role as Phil. Fortunately Robert Costanzo, the guy they got to fill in for him, does a spot-on Danny DeVito impression. On top of THAT, they were able to get tons of celebrities to lend their voices to this show: French Stewart, Jennifer Aniston, Lisa Kudrow, Merv Griffin, Jason Alexander, Jane Leeves, Jim Belushi, Craig Ferguson, Richard Simmons, Peri Gilpin, David Cross, Kathy Najimy, Steven Wright, Leslie Mann, Vince Vaughn, Cary Elwes, Will Ferrell, Sarah Michelle Gellar, David Hyde Pierce, Mandy Patinkin, Betty White, Jennifer Love Hewitt... this was apparently a pretty big deal back in the 1990s. Nowadays, not so much, what with most cartoon shows' casts being about ninety-percent celebrities and ten-percent professionals (don't get me started on that).

Of course, the show DID give us a plot hole - in the movie, you'll recall, Hades sent Pain and Panic to off Hercules after turning him mortal. They failed, and decided to just TELL Hades that they finished him off. Hades didn't find out he was alive until years later, AFTER Herc had completed his training with Phil. And yet in the show, Hades knows that Herc is alive and makes many attempts to get rid of him. According to TV Tropes, the showrunners knew that didn't make sense but just wanted to have fun with the settings and characters. I've also heard that one of the last episodes addressed this by having Hades, Pain, Panic, and maybe Hercules too get doused in water that made them forget the events of the series, but I could be wrong about that.

Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, is Hercules: The Animated Series any good? Disney's always been a bit hit-or-miss with their TV spinoffs of animated movies. Sometimes it works out...

Other times, not so much...

Let's find out which category their Hercules show falls into. We'll be watching the episode "Hercules and the Techno Greeks" (is that supposed to be a pun on "techno geeks"?).

The episode begins with the show's narrator, whose name is Bob, telling us that the Greeks' city-states were the wonder of the ancient world. There was Athens; birthplace of the modern government, Sparta; birthplace of military science (and a meme), and Arcadia; birthplace NOT of video arcades as its name would suggest but people from Arcadia (ga-doy). Then the Muses show up and basically do the same thing that they did at the beginning of the movie - show up and tell the narrator to go suck an egg. I'm guessing this was how every episode of this show began, with them just recycling this joke from the movie in the hopes that people would still find it funny (you might recall The Emperor's New School doing the exact same thing).

Anyhow, the Muses bring up a place called "Abacus Valley" that the narrator claims to have never been to.

Or maybe it's actually "ABA<VS VALLEY"?

The Muses sing a crappy techno song called "Techno Greek" about how in Abacus Valley there lived some guy named Numericles who invented the concept of math. So for those of you, like me, who hate math and weren't particularly good at it in school (and yet I still somehow managed to get good grades?), now we know who to blame for it. Problem was, these guys also existed...

Centaurs really shouldn't go shirtless.

Every Friday, a rowdy gang of Centaurs - half-human, half-horse - pillages Abacus Valley. Numericles is fed up with those rassa-frassin' Centaurs and announces that they'll pay someone to get rid of them.

Cut to... what I'm guessing is supposed to be the school that Hercules attends. They're all reciting poetry, but one student, an Amazon named Tempest (voiced by Jennifer Jason Leigh), isn't really into it. "An Amazon is prime for ACTION!" she boasts. "We strike first and ask questions later... assuming our enemy still has a TONGUE!"

Hello, character who I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess has lots of inappropriate
drawings of her likeness on DeviantArt.

Oh, and say hello to Hercules' two friends, who weren't in the movie and made up for the show. The boy is Icarus (voiced by French Stewart), the guy who, if you ever looked at Greek Mythology in your Language Arts class at some point (like I did), you should know is famous for flying too close to the sun and getting burned. He's Hercules' best friend and a massive idiot. The girl is Cassandra (voiced by Sandra Bernhard), a girl who's basically a prophet and the sanest of the bunch. Icarus has the hots for Cassandra, but for obvious reasons, she's not interested.

I guess Cassandra is supposed to be a stand-in of sorts for Meg, since she couldn't be
in the show what with it taking place before Hercules met her and all.

Actually, there WAS an episode of the show where Meg appeared, but I believe she and
Hercules both got doused with that same water that made them forget the events of the episode.

Hercules recites his poem, which is all about being a hero. The teacher tells him that he didn't put enough passion into it, so he adds some more and everybody loves it... except Tempest, who says that she hates Hercules and this class. "I don't belong in this pathetic school..." she complains as class is dismissed. "I belong in BATTLE." Then she accidentally kicks Hercules into a statue of Atlas (the guy who carried the Earth on his shoulders, for those unaware), resulting in some WHACKY SHENANIGANS.

I like Hercules' pose here. It's like he's trying to emulate Super Mario.

Then Tempest notices a flyer asking for a "Sword For Hire" (presumably put there by the people of Abacus Valley), and she's totally into that.

We then cut to Hercules, Cassandra and Icarus in Abacus Valley themselves. They're there because Cassandra's abacus got smashed during the WHACKY SHENANIGANS with the statue, and they need to get it fixed. Icarus loves the place because everyone there is an even bigger geek than him.

And also like Icarus, when the guy at the Abacus Store sees Cassandra he immediately has the hots for her and starts acting like a stereotypical dweeb who can't talk to girls. Basically a precursor to Leonard, Howard and Raj from The Big Bang Theory. Although he looks a bit more like Stuart than any of them to me...

"Bazinga!"

Meanwhile, Numericles is interviewing Tempest for the job of Centaur-Beater-Upper. Speaking of which, the Centaurs show up again. Two of them are voiced by Clancy Brown and Bill Faggerbake. Y'know, Mr. Krabs and Patrick Star. Too bad they didn't get Tom Kenny and Roger Bumpass to voice two of 'em too, that would've made the SpongeBob connection even better.

Hercules takes out the centaurs before Tempest has the chance to, which makes her MAD. Hercules is appalled when he hears that she's charging the citizens of Abacus Valley to protect them. "You can't CHARGE to defend the defenseless!" he protests. After thinking it over, Numericles decides to go with Hercules because he doesn't have to pay him, making Tempest even angrier.

"Nerd joke. Nerd joke. Nerd joke."

"My vengeance will be... painfully... agonizingly... VENGEFUL!" she tells Numericles before storming off. "No complimentary tote bag for YOU!" he calls after her. She goes to this place called "The Feedbag", which is run by this goat-esque guy who sounds like the Robot Devil from Futurama.

I can't help but wonder (no pun intended) if Tempest is intended to be a parody of Wonder Woman. I haven't read any Wonder Woman comics, she's an Amazon too, right?

You think this guy is related to Phil?

The Feedbag, as it turns out, is basically a bar for Centaurs. The Clancy Brown-voiced leader of the Centaurs, Blotox, challenges her to a brawl... and promptly gets his horse's rear end handed to him. The other Centaurs are impressed, and the Bill Faggerbake-voiced one says that according to the Centaurs' bi-laws, Tempest beating the crap out of Blotox makes HER their new leader. This gives Tempest an idea - she can use the Centaurs to get revenge on Hercules and Abacus Valley!

Cut back to Hercules, Icarus and Cassandra. Icarus is trying to fix Cassandra's abacus... and fails miserably. Hercules' "beeper" (a bluebird) tells him that Abacus Valley needs his help, so off he heads. Once he arrives, it turns out that the Centaurs aren't attacking the place - they just wanted to test his "response time". Then the Muses show up to sing another crappy Techno song about how the Abacus Valley guys keep summoning him to do miniscule stuff like getting rid of mice and squirrels.

Okay, I know where this is gonna lead... the Abacus Valley guys are gonna keep bothering Herc like this, and then when Tempest and the Centaurs finally DO attack and they summon him, Herc won't believe them. Y'know, just like in The Boy Who Cried Wolf. But, for now, Hercules encounters Blotox, who's crying about how the other Centaurs replaced him with a hot chick.

"Look on the bright side. At least they didn't trap you in a maze."
"No, that's a MINOtaur. They're the ones that look like bulls."

Hercules offers Blotox the chance to be his deputy and protect Abacus Valley. "Blotox, you CAN learn to be good!" he says. We get a training montage, like the one in the movie except Herc has to be the trainer since Phil isn't in this episode. Meanwhile, Tempest and the other Centaurs are preparing for their surprise attack - this time they'll be attacking on MONDAY, not Friday, so the Abacus Valley guys won't know they're coming.

Herc introduces Blotox as his new deputy to the Abacus Valley guys, but they're all afraid of him. "There is nothing in this world that would make me allow a FILTHY CENTAUR to protect our valley!" Numericles claims. Jeez, way to be racist, Numericles. But then Tempest and the other Centaurs charge in, and Numericles immediately does a 180.

"I'M the most attractive character on this show!"
"No, I'M the most attractive character on this show!"
"No, I am!"
"No, I am!"
"No, I am!"

Hercules and Tempest start swordfighting, but Herc decides to cut the fight short when he sees the Centaurs pursuing Icarus and Cassandra. Then that dude from the abacus store pops out of a vase and starts hitting on Cassandra.

Uh, is he starting to turn into Glenn Quagmire?

Hercules takes out the Centaurs via dumb luck, leaving Tempest to face off with Blotox. Fortunately, Blotox manages to defeat her. Tempest storms off, and now Blotox is the leader of the Centaurs again. And now the Centaurs work as security for the people of Abacus City. The end.

WHAT'S THE VERDICT?

Is Hercules: The Animated Series any good? Well, I personally thought this episode was pretty good. Would I go so far as to say it's better than the movie? No. But it's certainly one of Disney's better spin-off shows. I really like the Centaurs, and the jokes all land quite well. The animation, of course, is a massive downgrade from the film. And the episode feels empty without Phil in it, but that's admittedly a nitpick. If you like the film, I highly suggest giving the show a watch.

Just don't go into the show expecting to learn a thing or two about Greek mythology. It's about as accurate to those myths as Frozen is to the original Snow Queen story by Hans Christian Anderson. By which I mean, not at all.

So, what are we reviewing next time?

Hoo boy...