Uh, okay... anything else?
Well, okay, maybe 1993 wasn't such a great year for animated MOVIES*, but it was a fantastic year for animated TV SHOWS. And today, we're gonna take a look at a cartoon from 1993 that is fondly remembered but didn't become a huge hit: Mighty Max.
What's the premise? Well, apparently, this kid named Max gets a small statue of a bird one day in the mail. It's inscribed with Egyptian hieroglyphs that translates to, essentially, "Congratulations, kid. You're the Chosen One. Go to the mini-mall and wait for a sign." Max is so shocked that he drops the statue, and inside as it turns out was a magic baseball cap that allows Max to travel through space and time. Long story short, he winds up meeting a magic fowl named Virgil and a viking named Norman. They travel around the world being awesome and defending the Earth from an evil dude named Skullmaster. The show features the talents of Corey Burton, Tim Curry, Tony Jay, Tress MacNeille, Frank Welker, and Rob Paulsen as the voice of Mighty Max himself.
Why didn't this show become a bigger hit? I honestly have no idea. I mean, it doesn't even have a DVD release (yet, anyway). Apparently, the merchandise was more popular than the show itself. Let's watch an episode of this show so we can figure out why it didn't become as successful as some other 1993 cartoons.
The episode that we'll be watching is called "Tar Wars". You know, just like that gag in the movie adaptation of The Flintstones? When they're entering the drive-in at the beginning and there's a poster reading "Now Showing: TAR WARS" outside? And in the Nostalgia Critic's review of it, he complains that he wants to watch "Tar Wars" instead? Remember that?
The episode begins at the La Brea Tar Pits, a place that I have never been to because I don't live in California or anywhere even remotely close to California. Right next to it is a construction site where they're building a subway.
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| No, no, the underground train type of subway, not the sandwich shop type of subway. |
Apparently, they're building the subway so that it'll go under the La Brea Tar Pits, despite the fact that as one of the construction guys points out no way anything's gonna break through a million years of tar and solid granite. Of course, immediately after the guy says that, something does indeed break through the tar and solid granite - this thing!
Anyhow, Max is talking to his mom (Tress MacNeille) on the phone. She wants him to meet her at the museum where I guess she works. But first, he sees Clint Eastwood... only to find out that it's just a cardboard cutout of him.
"Well, might as well go save the world. Probably aren't any movie stars around here anyway," Max says. So he uses his hat to teleport to the La Brea Tar Pits, and almost falls in one only to get saved by Norman (Richard Moll). Virgil (Tony Jay) is there too, and he tells Max that "Danger is near." Max asks in a stupid accent what it is this time that they have to fight, then after some construction guys run out of a large pipe screaming about how there's a monster or a demon or a beast or something starts boasting about how he shall face evil and battle the unknown and blah-blah-blah.
Then Max's mom shows up. "Of all the tar pits of all the cities in the world, she has to walk into MINE," Max quips. It's a reference to Casablanca. Because... that's a movie that exists, right?
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| "Like, zoinks, Scoob! It's Bigfoot!" |
Cut to Max in Hollywood. Like I said before, Max is voiced by Rob Paulsen. And while I love Rob Paulsen as much as the next guy, I will admit, I find it kind of weird that this character who's supposed to be a kid has the exact same voice - or at least a very similar voice - that Rob gave Raphael, a TEENAGE Mutant Ninja Turtle. It's not as bad as, I dunno, when DreamWorks cast Rihanna as a little girl... or when they cast Kevin Hart as a kid... or when Disney cast Sarah Silverman as a little girl... but it's still kind of off-putting. Did they TELL Rob not to sound younger or something?
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| Or rather, a cardboard cutout of a crappy caricature of him... |
Oh, wait, but it turns out one of them ISN'T a cardboard cutout! It's the real deal! But I'm not sure which celebrity it's supposed to be... Max does an Arnold Schwartzenegger impression as he leaves, so I'm GUESSING it's Arnold Schwartzenegger, but I could be wrong.
"Well, might as well go save the world. Probably aren't any movie stars around here anyway," Max says. So he uses his hat to teleport to the La Brea Tar Pits, and almost falls in one only to get saved by Norman (Richard Moll). Virgil (Tony Jay) is there too, and he tells Max that "Danger is near." Max asks in a stupid accent what it is this time that they have to fight, then after some construction guys run out of a large pipe screaming about how there's a monster or a demon or a beast or something starts boasting about how he shall face evil and battle the unknown and blah-blah-blah.
Then Max's mom shows up. "Of all the tar pits of all the cities in the world, she has to walk into MINE," Max quips. It's a reference to Casablanca. Because... that's a movie that exists, right?
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| Quick question - if Norman's supposed to be a viking, why doesn't he have a viking helmet? You've gotta dress for the part, Norman! |
They all go into the pipe and find a large hole that the whatever-it-is that came out of the tar and granite emerged from. And inside that hole is a cavern.
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| Shouldn't there be a Fraggle around here somewhere? |
"I don't think any movie stars live in this part of town," Max says as they all explore the cavern. Max's mom asks what it is that they're looking for. Virgil says that he doesn't know, but he's sure that they'll recognize it when they find it. They find some cave paintings which Max's mom identifies from being from the Mesesoic Era. Then they find a big ribcage and Max says, "Maybe whoever lived down here ran a rib joint!"
Why is it that every line Max has is so cringe-worthy? Seriously, I should like this character... I mean, he's voiced by Rob Paulsen! But so far, I just find him annoying.
By the way, the mom is lagging behind, and she winds up encountering the whatever-it-is. The others hear her yelling and rush to the rescue.
Why is it that every line Max has is so cringe-worthy? Seriously, I should like this character... I mean, he's voiced by Rob Paulsen! But so far, I just find him annoying.
By the way, the mom is lagging behind, and she winds up encountering the whatever-it-is. The others hear her yelling and rush to the rescue.
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| Here's a screencap of Virgil. In my opinion, he's the best character on the show. |
They find the mom, and then the whatever-it-is jumps out at Max.
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| There's something about this screencap that's making me uncomfortable... |
"If I'm not mistaken, and I rarely am, he is neanderthal, a living specimen of human history," Virgil says. Norman decides to battle the neanderthal (voiced by Ron Perlman), and they have themselves a little brawl... and by that, I mean Norman gets his rear end handed to him.
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| "BAMM-BAMM! BAMM-BAMM! BAMM-BAMM!" |
Virgil comments, "He appears to have superhuman strength. Perhaps Norman is in over his head." Normally I would say "No, ya THINK?", but I'm not gonna do that. Virgil is just too awesome.
But then the Neanderthal saves Max's mom from a falling boulder. Turns out he's not a monster, just misunderstood. He offers Max dinner, but Max says that he's "trying to cut down on million-year-old mammoth meat." |
| Dang it, now I want one of those Turkey Legs that they sell at Disney World... |
"We must communicate with this caveman to learn what is happening here!" Virgil the Bird of Awesomeness says. Max then asks the caveman NOT what is happening here but rather what Betty Rubble does to keep her shapely figure. Fortunately, Virgil can communicate with the caveman. He's just that awesome. Oh, and the caveman's name is Gorr. I think. I could've spelled it wrong. Max, of course, makes ANOTHER reference to The Flintstones by calling him "Fred".
Max's mom points out the cave paintings. "They seem to tell a story," she says. "Perhaps this is the clue we've been searching for," Virgil suggests. And because he's awesome, he manages to translate the cave paintings for the audience - a million years ago, a strange meteor landed in the tar pits, and it gave Gorr immortality and incredible strength.
But the meteor gave these same powers to something else... specifically, a saber-toothed tiger that presumably just so happened to be nearby. And guess what emerges from the darkness?
Max's mom points out the cave paintings. "They seem to tell a story," she says. "Perhaps this is the clue we've been searching for," Virgil suggests. And because he's awesome, he manages to translate the cave paintings for the audience - a million years ago, a strange meteor landed in the tar pits, and it gave Gorr immortality and incredible strength.
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| Here we see some high school's mascot showing off how much cooler it is than OTHER high schools' mascots. |
Gorr and the saber-toothed tiger start going at it. Norman helps out, too, but eventually they all decide that the tiger is unstoppable and make a run for it. Eventually, Max gets an idea - once they're outside, they find a giant rock and use it to block the entrance to the pipe before the tiger can follow them out. Too bad the tiger just breaks through the rock as though he's the Kool-Aid Man or something. D'oh.
The tiger runs off towards the city, and Virgil points out that they must stop it before it... I don't know, eats Brad Pitt or something. They won't be able to run as fast as him, so they hail a taxi. I like how the taxi driver isn't at all freaked-out that there's a caveman and a saber-toothed tiger in modern times. Maybe he thought Gorr was just some guy in a costume or something?
The tiger runs off towards the city, and Virgil points out that they must stop it before it... I don't know, eats Brad Pitt or something. They won't be able to run as fast as him, so they hail a taxi. I like how the taxi driver isn't at all freaked-out that there's a caveman and a saber-toothed tiger in modern times. Maybe he thought Gorr was just some guy in a costume or something?
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| The taxi driver's voiced by Rob Paulsen too, by the way. He also voices one of the construction workers at the beginning. |
Eventually, Gorr decides to just chase the saber-toothed tiger on foot. Then we cut to... this.
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| Are these guys supposed to be caricatures too? |
Anyhow, they follow the tiger to a hotel. Gorr battles with it some more, Max makes a reference to Guns 'n' Roses, the tiger climbs a curtain and jumps on a chandelier, which promptly falls to the ground (why do chandeliers in cartoons always fall to the ground?), and eventually the tiger runs off, Gnorr in hot pursuit, to an amusement park called "Galaxy World". Virgil suggests that maybe the park is the tiger's old hunting ground.
They go on this attraction called "Pigzilla", starring what appears to be a cross between a wild boar and a dinosaur... and a dragon, considering it has fire breath. In Galaxy World, the pork roasts YOU!
We're back at the La Brea Tar Pits. Max uses a construction vehicle called a "loader" (the one with the big shovel at the front of it) to dig that meteor that caused this whole mess out of the tar. It attracts the tiger, and then... get ready for this... a bunch of mammoth skeletons emerge from the tar. Max breaks something in the loader and that causes the meteor to fall back into the tar. And that causes the mammoth skeletons to fall apart and slide back into the tar - Max's plan has been, to put it bluntly, an epic fail.
Gorr saves Max from being saber-toothed tiger food, and he and the tiger fall into the tar pit. "He was probably the world's first superhero..." Max says. Virgil agrees, but tells Max that Gorr lives on, protecting the world from the unstoppable saber-toothed tiger. "And I thought I had a tough job," Max says.
Then we cut to Max sitting in a chair by the pool talking to somebody named "Felix" on the phone. Really? That's it? That's how it ends? With Max still complaining about his not seeing any movie stars? Really?
Okay, that actually isn't how it ends... we then get Max telling us that the La Brea Tar Pits actually DO exist, they're the result of crude oil making it to the surface or something like that. A bunch of fossils have been uncovered there, including those of a saber-toothed tiger. Max then jokes that if only braces had been invented back then, nyuck nyuck nyuck. The end.
Well, that was... okay. The jokes weren't funny, but that's my only real complaint... well, that and the episode did drag a little. Just when you think they're finally gonna defeat that tiger, it turns out - nope, we've gotta keep the episode going for a few minutes longer. Also, the ending sucked. And Max is annoying. But hey, it had Virgil. He's awesome. Though he's an owl in a robe with the voice of Frollo, so I guess that's to be expected. Would I recommend watching it? Uh, maybe... if you like action cartoons, I guess.
Let it go, random dinosaur. Let it go...
* Once Upon a Forest, for what it's worth, really isn't that bad of a movie. But it WAS a flop (though that's mainly because it was released around the same time as Jurassic Park), so...
They go on this attraction called "Pigzilla", starring what appears to be a cross between a wild boar and a dinosaur... and a dragon, considering it has fire breath. In Galaxy World, the pork roasts YOU!
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| "I'M guh-geh-eh-guh-geh-GOING TO DESTROY YOUR CITY, puh-peh-eh-puh- peh-PUNY HUMANS! Eh-buh-dee-eh-buh-dee-eh-buh-dee-THAT'S ALL, FOLKS!" |
Max refers to the tiger as "Tony the Tiger", which makes me hungry for Frosted Flakes. Then the tiger pounces from the top of Pigzilla's head and we get more tiger-battling. Eventually, Max runs into Gorr, who whacks the tiger with his club... into C-3PO and R2D2. I'm not kidding. C-3PO and R2D2 show up!
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| Well, okay, it's not ACTUALLY THEM... it's just a pair of robots that look very much like C-3PO and R2D2. But come on, no way is that a coincidence. This HAS to be a reference to Star Wars. |
The tiger gets distracted by a projected comet, and while flash photos are being taken it runs off. Max is all "We've gotta find him!" and then Virgil points out that even if they do, how will they stop him? It's pretty much invulnerable! But Max has a plan...
Gorr saves Max from being saber-toothed tiger food, and he and the tiger fall into the tar pit. "He was probably the world's first superhero..." Max says. Virgil agrees, but tells Max that Gorr lives on, protecting the world from the unstoppable saber-toothed tiger. "And I thought I had a tough job," Max says.
Then we cut to Max sitting in a chair by the pool talking to somebody named "Felix" on the phone. Really? That's it? That's how it ends? With Max still complaining about his not seeing any movie stars? Really?
Okay, that actually isn't how it ends... we then get Max telling us that the La Brea Tar Pits actually DO exist, they're the result of crude oil making it to the surface or something like that. A bunch of fossils have been uncovered there, including those of a saber-toothed tiger. Max then jokes that if only braces had been invented back then, nyuck nyuck nyuck. The end.
Well, that was... okay. The jokes weren't funny, but that's my only real complaint... well, that and the episode did drag a little. Just when you think they're finally gonna defeat that tiger, it turns out - nope, we've gotta keep the episode going for a few minutes longer. Also, the ending sucked. And Max is annoying. But hey, it had Virgil. He's awesome. Though he's an owl in a robe with the voice of Frollo, so I guess that's to be expected. Would I recommend watching it? Uh, maybe... if you like action cartoons, I guess.
Let it go, random dinosaur. Let it go...
* Once Upon a Forest, for what it's worth, really isn't that bad of a movie. But it WAS a flop (though that's mainly because it was released around the same time as Jurassic Park), so...
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