Let's Watch This: An Episode of "Weird-Ohs"

NOTE: Please do not take any of the little nitpicks in this review (or any of my other reviews, for that matter) seriously. I write these reviews in the hopes of making people laugh. Those nitpicks are really just dumb little observations that I'm attempting to make jokes out of, not complaints that add to whether or not I like something.

NOTE #2: No disrespect is meant towards anyone who worked on the show I am reviewing today. I'm sure they are all very nice and talented people.

NOTE #3: If you like this show, that is great. Go ahead and like it. I'm not judging you.

Let me take you back in time to the tail end of the 1990s. CGI animation was still in its infancy, more or less, at the time, ESPECIALLY in television. 1994's Reboot was the first half-hour CGI cartoon to be made for television (VeggieTales came first but was a direct-to-video series), and it was successful enough for the studio responsible for it, Vancouver-based Mainframe Entertainment, to produce more CGI shows. Some of them did well... and then you have Weird-Ohs.

Never heard of Weird-Ohs? Well, this thing got its start as a series of assemble-and-paint model kits by the Hawk Model Company, called "Weird-Ohs Car-icky-Tures". You bought one and then built yourself a little bizarre-looking half-human-half-monster thing driving a hot rod. These were thought up by an artist named Bill Campbell, who thought model builders were fed up with having "just another car or plane kit". He made some prototypes, a group of distributors found out about them and loved them, and the Hawk Model Company rushed them into production. You can read more about the model kits here.

There was also a Weird-Ohs board game.

I guess in the 1990s these were still really popular, so Mainframe Entertainment teamed up with Decode Entertainment to unleash a Weird-Ohs cartoon show onto the world in September 1999. The show took place in a town just off Route 66 called Weirdsville, populated by car-obsessed anthropomorphic creatures a la the ones from the model kits. Thirteen episodes were produced, each one consisting of two segments, and the show aired on FOX Family (now Freeform) in the United States and on YTV in Canada. And now... honestly, I don't even know if this thing has a cult following.

You can find episodes of the show on YouTube and the Internet Archive. Is it any good? Spoiler alert: NO. And why is that? Allow me to elucidate while we watch what was apparently the eleventh episode of the show, which consists of the segments "The Cycle of No Escape" and "Head Gasket of the Class" (I say "what was apparently" because Wikipedia doesn't have a full list of episodes, so I have to go off of what Google says). This is Weird-Ohs.

"The Cycle of No Escape" begins with, unsurprisingly, an automobile race. Purple-skinned Portia (voiced by Tabitha St. Germain) is racing against Baby Chassis (voiced by Ian James Corlett), who drives a turbo-charged motorized pram. And I'm just going to get this out of the way, no, I have no idea what species any of these characters are. Are they supposed to be human, or monsters, or aliens, or mutants, or WHAT?

"I'm the baby, gotta love me!"

Baby Chassis wins the race, and then a car falls out of the sky. In that car are her little brother Digger (Kathleen Barr) and his frog-like friend Eddie (Cusse Mankuma), who were testing out the latter's "car launcher". Think of how much they'll save on gas!

Is Eddie the evolved form of a Battletoad?

Digger admits to Portia that he's having car problems - specifically, they need a car before the big auto track meet tomorrow after school. And apparently Portia has ESP because she refuses to let him borrow her car before he even asks her. Just then, another "Weird-Oh" rides up on his motorcycle. His name is Davey (Scott McNeil), and Portia totally has the hots for him. Alas, because of the puddle of oil leaking out of Digger and Eddie's car, Portia winds up making a fool of herself in front of him. Though she probably didn't have much of a chance with him anyway - his true love seems to be his motorcycle, which he calls "Stella" (he's a fan of A Streetcar Named Desire, I guess).

Rule #1 of writing for a teenage girl in a cartoon show: they have to be obsessed with
some hunky guy who they frequently make a fool out of themselves around. See also
Candace from Phineas and Ferb, Trina from Grojband, Susan and Mary from Johnny Test...

After Davey drives off, Portia yells at Eddie and Digger for ruining her love life and says that she would have to blow a "brain gasket" before she lets them borrow her car. This gives Digger an idea...

We then cut to Eddie and Digger getting the blueprints for Davey's motorcycle from Baby Chassis' father (also Scott McNeil)... I'm not sure why he has them. I'm guessing he's the one who built the motorcycle? Anyway, once they have the blueprints, they're able to build a perfect replica of "Stella". The only difference? It's totally under THEIR control. I gotta say, it's pretty impressive that they were able to build something like this. I doubt I could build a motorcycle like that. I don't think I've ever even gotten the hang of making paper airplanes...

I'm just now noticing that the flowers in the garden are actually street signs.
That's a pretty clever sight gag.

"What if Portia thinks that Stella is ALIVE and OUT TO GET HER?" Digger claims. "WHAT? She might be CONFUSED. She might think her MENTAL GEAR PLATE is SLIPPING! She might let us BORROW HER CAR. Heh, heh, heh..." So, yeah. Our protagonist is going to play mind games on somebody. I don't want to make it sound like I'm on Team Portia here, she doesn't seem like a particularly likeable character herself, but... what the heck, Digger?

"I'll be seeing you in your nightmares tonight, kids..."

Eddie then brings up a very good point: he could've just fixed his car in the time they spent building this motorcycle. But he isn't allowed to make sense, so he and Digger just ignore that.

Oh, and then Baby Chassis' father shows up and reveals that Digger and Eddie told them they were building the motorcycle to raise money for orphans. As opposed to, y'know, using it to give Digger's sister a mental breakdown. Wow, these two are VILE, aren't they? And people say that Maggie Pesky is unlikable?

...actually, why is it so important that they borrow PORTIA'S car? Doesn't, like, EVERYBODY in Weirdsville have some sort of vehicle? Can't they just borrow somebody else's?

Digger, please stop with the evil grins. You're really freaking me out.

That night, while hanging out at the local diner, Portia hears the motorcycle revving up outside the window and thinks that Davey is there. But when she runs to the window, she doesn't see anybody. Then she catches a glimpse of "Stella" in another window and wonders if she's seeing things.

I've noticed that ugly characters become even uglier with just the addition of makeup.
Case in point - Portia here. Ugh...

Upon leaving the diner, Portia's life turns into a horror movie as she finds herself stalked by "Stella", who she's convinced is after her even though it's a non-sentient motorcycle. Something tells me Portia is a few sodas short of a six-pack.

The motorcycle eventually "corners" Portia in an alleyway, but she jumps out of her car and actually RUNS THROUGH A BRICK WALL LIKE THE KOOL-AID MAN to get away. Wow, Portia's stronger than she looks. Then Digger and Eddie are subjected to WHACKY SHENANIGANS and wind up being dragged along for the ride as the motorcycle goes on "auto pilot". Portia sees the real "Stella" parked in front of a store and decides to stop running and confront it. When Davey emerges from the store, she tells him that his motorcycle is alive and that it's been stalking her all night, and instead of having her thrown in a mental asylum he tells her that his bike has been with him all day. Upon seeing Eddie and Digger being dragged around by the fake "Stella", Davey (who previously found the remote control after Digger dropped it) puts two and two together.

Digger, you've got some 'splainin' to doooooooooo!

(Fun fact: Ricky never actually said that in I Love Lucy)

Portia promptly sics the fake "Stella" on Digger and Eddie. Even though they deserve it, I'm oddly not very satsified by this. I've noticed that it doesn't feel good watching an unlikable character get their comeuppance when the character triumphing over them is just as (if not more) unlikable, but most cartoons don't seem to realize that.

And that wraps up "The Cycle of No Escape". Next segment...

We start off with Portia dragging Digger to class. Since everyone in Weirdsville is obsessed with fast cars, they don't learn about math or language arts, but rather about how to build automobiles. Even the desks kind of look like hot rods.

Suddenly, class is interrupted by the arrival of this guy who looks like Bluto from Popeye gained the Hulk's powers.

After The WB shut down, Michigan J. Frog started taking steroids. This was the result.

Say hello to Leaky Boat Louie (Mark Acheson), who somehow became the school's vice principal and wants to see the essays for the school's "Principal For a Day" contest. As you'll recall, one of the episodes of Wayside that I reviewed did this exact same plotline. As did an episode of Recess, too, I believe. I don't recall any of my schools ever having one of these contests. Must just be something that happens in cartoons. Like when you skip school and it just so happens that they had a surprise carnival on that day for some reason.

In this case, the principal is out on business, so whichever kid wrote the best essay is going to become Principal for the day. Apparently, Portia is the only student who actually submitted an essay. But Digger, who didn't even know about the contest until now, is all "I MUST BE PRINCIPAL FOR A DAY!" and hastily writes an essay to enter. Regardless as to how crappy his entry turns out, Portia's essay documenting how she would "reshape the bloated school bureaucracy into a more effective system" is rejected by Leaky Boat Louie (can't say I feel sorry for her). But Digger manages to clinch the victory by writing "I can sum up what makes Weirdsville High so great in one word: Louie." Remember, everyone, you can get whatever you want just by playing to somebody's ego.

I wonder why nobody else submitted an entry. Maybe they didn't know about the contest
either?

So Digger is now Principal For a Day, and Portia is MAD! His first order of business is to give all the teachers the day off and appoint Eddie as his right-hand man. Portia protests that Digger will destroy the entire school, but Baby Chassis' dad, who's their teacher, says, "It's only for one day. How much harm could he do?" Methinks this guy isn't very genre-savvy.

"I DECLARE WEIRDSVILLE HIGH... A FUN ZONE!" Digger shouts. Suddenly the kids are riding around the school in bumper cars, toilet paper is hanging from the ceiling, and all Digger has to do to keep Louie from blowing his stack is by sucking up to him. And when Portia tries to protest, she gets a detention for yelling at the principal. "THERE'S NO YELLING ALLOOOOOOOOOOOWED!" Louie roars.

I'm just now realizing who Digger reminds me of: Crazy Frog. Do you remember Crazy
Frog? He always gave me the willies...

Next, Digger extends lunch hour and makes food fights mandatory, and Portia is still getting bent out of shape over it. Like I said before, I can't really side with either character here - even if Portia is technically in the right, she's incredibly unpleasant and there's no indication that she would've been a better Principal For a Day than Digger would.

So how does Portia plan to dethrone Digger? According to the "school by-laws", the principal must maintain the school's academic standards. But once again, Digger flatters Louie into letting him do whatever he wants, and besides, he tells Portia he's going to teach a class himself. Specifically, he and Eddie took the motor Baby Chassis' father was showing off earlier and removed all the "boring safety features" - including the steering wheel - to turn it into a "super souped-up masterpiece". The result: WHACKY SHENANIGANS!

I think I know why my school never did a "Principal For a Day" contest. To prevent things
like THIS from happening...

Digger, Eddie, and Portia are eventually saved from the flying desk by a brick wall. Louie announces that Digger will have to stay after school to fix all the damage... or will he? Louie gets a call from the superintendent. Apparently Portia reported a disturbance at their school, and the superintendent is holding Louie responsible. Thus, HE has to stay after school to fix all the damage too. So once again, Portia comes out on top and it's not satisfying at all.

What's the Verdict?

This was bad. Really bad. I can't think of one thing it has going for it. The characters are unlikable, especially Digger and Portia - who, reminder, are two of the leads. The animation is unappealing to look at, much like Pet Alien they're desperately trying to do cartoony squash-and-stretch in CGI but the time and budget just weren't there. Most of the jokes fall flat, I think there was ONE joke I found kind of funny but even then it was done much better in an episode of Jimmy Neutron. It's pretty obvious why this only got thirteen episodes. I would not recommend watching Weird-Ohs, there are far better cartoons out there.

Incidentally, looking at the model kits it seems that most of the characters in this show did indeed originate from them as opposed to being created for the show. But none of them looked anything like they did in the show. Here's what Davey (the "way out cyclist") looked like:

And here's the model kits' version of Eddie:

Even Digger got his start in the model kits, and he looked like this:

I wonder why they reinvented them for the show. Maybe these original designs were just too hard to pull off in CGI or something? Or maybe they were all too similar-looking? Bit of a headscratcher...