Let's Watch This: An Episode of "Wayside"

NOTE: Please do not take any of the little nitpicks in this review (or any of my other reviews, for that matter) seriously. I write these reviews in the hopes of making people laugh. Those nitpicks are really just dumb little observations that I'm attempting to make jokes out of, not complaints that add to whether or not I like something.

This is another show that I remember hearing about, but never actually watched. Actually, I don't think I even saw ads for it - my exposure to it was by reading about it in Nickelodeon Magazine and Jerry Beck's 2007 Nicktoons book. I dunno, maybe I did see an ad for it at one point while watching SpongeBob, but I feel like I would've remembered that... I mean, I remember the ads for Yakkity Yak where the announcer claimed that "Nickelodeon is getting stupid!", I have a pretty good memory when it comes to ads for cartoons.

Okay, okay, so what exactly is Wayside?

Well, in 1978, a Mr. Louis Sachar wrote a book called Sideways Stories From Wayside School. The book was about a school that was supposed to be one story high and thirty classrooms long, but the guy who built it got mixed-up and built the school sideways - it's thirty stories high, with one classroom on each floor. Except the nineteenth floor, which he forgot to put in. That book spawned several sequels, the most recent of which came out in 2020. I haven't read any of the books.

At some point in the 2000s, somebody at Nelvana got the idea to adapt the show as a TV movie for Teletoon. After the movie's premiere in 2005, the book series became a cartoon show. The show premiered on Teletoon in June 2007 before airing on Nickelodeon in the United States - does that mean it technically doesn't qualify as a Nicktoon?

Like the books, Wayside takes place in a school that might as well have been designed by M.C. Escher, but a very common criticism of the show is how much it deviates from the books. For example, a character named Todd whose shtick is that he always gets in trouble despite not doing anything wrong is made the new student at Wayside, trying to figure out how to get the hang of going to such a bizarre school. Two seasons, making for a total of twenty-six episodes, were made before the show was cancelled, and since then reruns have aired in Canada. Both the pilot movie and the first season were released on DVD in 2007 and 2008 respectively. I expect both DVDs are out of print - maybe you can find them on Amazon or something, I dunno. But what luck, every episode of the show has been uploaded to YouTube!

Now, deviating from the original book when adapting one into a cartoon show has its risks (see my reviews of Bunnicula and Scaredy Squirrel), but I'm not going to immediately dub the show lousy just for being a bad adaptation of a book series that I've never even read. I'm going to judge it on whether or not it's a good cartoon as a whole. Plus, the show did receive positive reviews from critics, so it's got that going for it at least... though apparently Louis Sachar himself didn't care much for it outside of the animation.

We'll be watching the ninth episode of the show - I just picked an episode at random - to see if Wayside is a fun show, if a weak adaptation, or a cartoon that deserved to fall to the wayside. Heh, see what I did there? This episode consists of the segments "Principles of Principals" and "Teacher's Parent Conference"...

The episode begins with Todd (voiced by Mark Rendall) and his classmates taking a spelling test. But instead of spelling NORMAL words, they're spelling animal sounds and random sound effects that the teacher, Mrs. Jewls (Kathy Laskey), is making. Oh, Wayside, what a wacky school you are.

I want to know the story of the kid in the elf costume. What's their deal?

And how is anybody supposed to reach that door floating around near the ceiling? I don't
see any stairs...

Todd's desk starts falling apart, but fortunately Mrs. Jewls and her basketball-playing goldfish fix it. Okay, Comedy 101, guys... sometimes, weirdness works best when you have at least SOME sort of explanation for it. You can't throw a basketball-playing goldfish at us at random. It's like telling somebody the punchline of a joke without telling them the rest of the joke.

I'm guessing the idea of the goldfish is that they're supposed to be the class pet. Honestly, though, I think in this case something weirder WOULD'VE been funnier. Why not something that you'd NEVER expect to see as a class pet? Like, I don't know, a snow leopard or a gorilla or a hammerhead shark?

Does the goldfish talk, at least? That'd help it fit the "out of the ordinary class pet"
quota.

"Nothing works right in this school!" Todd complains. "The desks, the pens, the pencil sharpener... when I'M principal, I'm gonna fix things around here." You see, Todd entered Principal Kidswatter's "Principal For a Day" Contest, much to the horror of his classmates. Just out of curiosity, has any school ever actually had a contest or a special day where one student is randomly selected to fill in for the principal? I don't recall any of my schools ever having something like that, but I swear there was at least one other cartoon to do this plotline...

Also, I like how the mascot of Wayside School is a platypus. That's pretty funny.

Who the heck gave the job of Principal to a guy whose name is KIDSWATTER? That'd be
like marrying a woman whose name is I.M. Agolddigger.

Since Todd is the only student who entered the contest, he's dubbed the winner, which means that he is Principal For a Day! Principal Kidswatter (Kedar Brown) tells him that he's made a list of tasks for him to complete. A very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very long list.

I wonder if Task #1 is "get that nineteenth floor built"...

Before Todd can get started on those tasks, Maurecia (Denise Oliver) shows up and tells him that she was sent to his office for passing notes in class. A note with "I HEART TODD" written on it. You see, one of Maurecia's main character traits is that she's so totally into Todd. And when he rebuffs her affections, she punches him. Totally girlfriend material right there.

"TELL ME MOOOOOOOOOOOORE ABOUT MY EYES!"

Next, Todd heads to the cafeteria, where the lunch lady (Jayne Eastwood) is chasing around a chicken with a cooking pot on its head. He wants to improve on the lunch menu, but she says it's already been taken care of - she's making delicious sweat sock stew. Cafeteria food, am I right? I'm afraid I can't relate to this one, because I almost always brought my lunch to school from home.

Wait, if she's making "sweat sock stew", why was she chasing around a chicken? Is chicken an ingredient in "sweat sock stew"? I wouldn't know, I've never had it.

You know she's a lunch lady because she's fat and old. All lunch ladies in cartoons
are fat and old.

Todd suggests that the lunch lady serve the kids pizza instead, and hands her a take-out menu... which she promptly takes a bite out of, commenting that it needs cheese, sauce and pepperoni. That's a pretty funny gag.

Todd gets to work on all of the tasks Kidswatter assigned him. He stamps forms, he fixes toilets (because Kidswatter is too lazy to call a plumber, it would seem), he teaches the shark in the school's swimming pool the difference between a seal and a human being on a surfboard... this is another gag I think is pretty funny, and a nice reference to how most shark attacks occur because they see humans on surfboards and mistake them for seals. Alas, most people assume sharks actually like to eat humans because of Jaws. Strange, seeing how I don't believe the release of The Birds led a lot of people to believe that CROWS eat people... maybe it's because crows don't have sharp teeth?

Hey, wait... is this implying that before now the school has had many of its students attacked by this shark because he mistook them for seals? If so, that's pretty dark...

"Remember, Stephen... fish are friends, not food."

"What about dolphins?"

"Eh, dolphins are fair game."

DISCLAIMER: animationandallthingsrelated.com does not endorse violence toward,
or the eating of, dolphins.

Eventually, Todd makes it to the last thing on the list: vacuuming the schoolyard. He shows Louis the yard teacher (Sergio Di Zio) that he's made a few improvements to the school. For example, he's taught the cows to disco dance.

Yeah, I forgot to mention, there are cows at this school. I believe this is something from the books.

These Chik-Fil-A commercials are getting more and more surreal...

Then Todd's vacuuming up what looks like a pink piece of scrap paper causes the entire school to start tilting on its side. Now only he can keep it from falling over.

Suddenly, I have the urge to play Jenga.

Now Todd knows how it feels to be Atlas.

Fortunately, Maurecia (what kind of name is that anyway? It sounds like a fusion of "Maurice" and "Marcia", two names that probably shouldn't be combined) shows up with more love notes for Todd, which he chews up and uses to keep the school from tipping over (it makes sense in context. Sort of)... for a few seconds. Then it starts tilting again.

Mr. Kidswatter returns, and he manages to save the school with the power of origami. This somehow convinces Todd that Kidswatter is a better principal than him. NEXT SEGMENT!

Todd has received his report card, and he's terrified to open it. Since Mrs. Jewls always sends him home early on the kindergarten bus, surely she must have given him a bad grade. But then Maurecia tells him that it's not STUDENT Report Card Day, it's TEACHER Report Card Day, where the students grade the teachers.

Todd becomes very, very excited to hear that... and judging by the creepy music and evil expression on his face, this probably isn't going to end well for Mrs. Jewls...

Then he got an idea. An awful idea. Todd got a wonderful, awful idea.

Wait, how can something be wonderful and awful at the same time? It's a paradox!

Mrs. Jewls collects everyone's report cards, and it's here that we learn she has magical powers. She can give herself elf ears and conjure up a pillow for one snoozing student with a snap of her finger. She must be a witch! Or a wizard, or a sorceress or whatever. Or maybe it's just cartoon logic and I shouldn't think about it too hard.

Then Mrs. Jewls collects Todd's report card, which is mostly A-Plusses... until she gets to the bottom and sees that he wrote "Classroom skills need improvement. See me after class." Then she shrinks down in size - another demonstration of her magical powers, or is Todd actually becoming a giant?

Or maybe it's a visual metaphor for Todd making her feel small? You be the judge.

Everyone is horrified by Todd's telling Mrs. Jewls to see him after class - which, Todd points out, means that she won't be able to send him home early on the kindergarten bus. What Todd doesn't know is that whenever a teacher gets a report card like the one he gave Mrs. Jewls, they need a parent-teacher conference... or rather, a teacher's parent conference. Which means that Todd must meet Mrs. Jewls' father, circus performer Papa Jewls.

"YOU'RE the Blob? I was expecting somethin' a lot scarier..."

Papa Jewls, with his pink beard and Popeye-esque arms, is not pleased by Todd's claiming that his daughter isn't the best teacher ever. So he's gonna pull her out of Wayside and have her teach a private school because he wants her to "give the best education she can give".

Todd begs Maurecia, Dana (Lisa Ng), and Myron (Martin Villafana) for help. They tell him that the problem is HIM, and that the only way Mrs. Jewls can be a better teacher is for HIM to be a better student. Which means that it's Training Montage Time, complete with a song that sounds very much like "Eye of the Tiger"!

Studying? What's THAT?

When Mrs. Jewls returns, Todd gives her an apple and flowers, has his hand raised all the time thanks to an arm brace, and says that he can't wait to ride home on the kindergarten bus. "My, what an improved attitude!" Mrs. Jewls exclaims. "That teacher's parent conference really helped!" Then all the other students shower her with apples and flowers as well, and when Papa Jewls sees this he decides to let her stay at Wayside. And Todd even gets to make her ride home on the kindergarten bus every day for a month. I'd complain about how this means that Todd basically learned nothing, but Mrs. Jewls actually enjoys riding on the kindergarten bus. And she decides to have him ride home on the kindergarten bus every day.

I believe, Todd, that this is what is known as "karma". Granted, Mrs. Jewls did send him home on the kindergarten bus multiple times for no reason before, but there really does come a point where you are no better and just act spiteful for no reason.

"Oooooooh, I really shouldn't have eaten that sweat sock stew..."

What's the Verdict?

As somebody who, again, has never read the books and finds Nelvana's output to be a mixed bag (for every Dumb Bunnies there's a Ned's Newt), I wasn't sure what to expect with Wayside. Honestly, though, I thought it was pretty good. The animation is solid, which is quite refreshing after the fidgety Flash animation of Sidekick and Scaredy Squirrel. Most of the jokes were funny. My one complaint is that we have an entire classroom of these eccentric kids, and yet in the episodes I watched they don't get any focus. Todd is fine, but the other students seem a lot more interesting. I wanted to see more of them. Will I be watching any more of Wayside? I'm not sure. But I am interested in reading one of the books now...

Here's a question: why are there so many cartoon shows focusing on school? Think about it. Most if not all kids HATE school. And most if not all kids like to watch cartoons when they're not at school, don't they? So... if kids hate school, why would they enjoy a cartoon set at school, a place that they hate? Do animation companies think that having the characters in their shows go to school would make them more relatable to kids? Or is it an executive mandate thing?

Or are all these school-set cartoons actually supposed to be propaganda? Is the idea that if kids watch these cartoons set in school, they'll actually start to LIKE school?

Eh, probably not.