Let's Watch This: An Episode of "Quack Pack"

During the 1990s and 2000s, there was a rather obnoxious trend in animation. It was taking an old cartoon character or two and "updating them" in an attempt to make them more "hip" or "relevant" or whatever. The idea, I guess, was that kids wouldn't like them as they were because they were from "the old days" and in order to reintroduce them to a new generation, they had to have them ride a skateboard or play an electric guitar or say "Radical, dude!" or whatever. This is what gave us Bugs Bunny rapping and the embarrassingly bad Yo Yogi!. Even nowadays, you still see it every so often. And it NEVER WORKED OUT. You know that cliché where the teenager's parent attempts to be "cool" by singing a rap song or speaking in dated teen lingo which results in the kid being embarrassed in front of his friends? This was just like that.

Not even Disney was immune to this. During the 1990s, in particular, they had a really bad habit of trying to be hip and failing. For example, they released THIS...

And they also made a little show that we'll be looking at today. A show by the name of Quack Pack.

Quack Pack was Disney's attempt at making Huey, Dewey and Louie cool. Specifically, they made them teenagers wearing dumb 1990s youth clothing. They're still stirring up trouble for their uncle, beloved Disney character Donald Duck. He and Daisy work on a show called What in the World - Donald's a cameraman (or should that be cameraDUCK?), Daisy's a reporter.

The show's intro gives us a pretty good idea as to what the show's like. It starts off with Donald setting up a projector to play his old cartoons accompanied by hokey music. But then Huey, Dewey and Louie come in, knock the projector screen out of the way, and bring in a big-screen TV playing clips from the show as the music suddenly becomes a rock 'n' roll song. It screams, "Look at how LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME Donald is! He's not with the times! He's not HIP! COOL! BODACIOUS! Whatever the kids are saying nowadays! Now, Huey, Dewey, and Louie - THEY'RE cool!" This, despite the fact that Donald is far more popular than Huey, Dewey or Louie ever were. There's also the fact that there is absolutely no way one could make the word "QUACK" sound cool. Did they really think the kids watching at home would hear the theme song's lead singer claim that he feels like quacking and immediately decide to start quacking? Was that their plan here?

I remember watching, like, two episodes of Quack Pack years ago and finding it blah. But I know there are in fact people who like this show, so who knows? Maybe there's actually something of substance here. Get ready to quack, folks, because we're watching the episode "Tasty Paste".

The episode begins with Huey (voiced by Jeannie Elias), Dewey (Pamela Adlon), and Louie (Elizabeth Daily) watching a commercial for the "Glazar Quasar Destructor Center", which I assume is sort of a cross between laser tag and Chuck E. Cheese. They can't wait to go... provided their "Uncle D" (that's what they call Donald in this show) doesn't forget that he promised to take them there. Louie insists that he won't forget, but I smell a Gilligan Cut coming on!

Wouldn't you know it, Donald (Tony Anselmo) forgot that he promised to take them there and now he's got a date with Daisy (Kath Souice). But he wants to make it up to them, so he gives them some money and tells them to "have fun". But Daisy tells him that money won't fix the situation, so he takes the money back. Thanks for ruining Donald's attempt at making it up to his nephews, Daisy.

It's so jarring seeing Daisy wearing a skirt. It's like seeing Donald wearing
pants.

Huey, Dewey and Louie drown their sorrows at the local diner, but find that they don't have the money to pay for their "yak burgers". "Put it on our tab," Huey tells the waiter, an ethnic stereotype of some kind named Gwumpki (Pat Fraley). I'm honestly surprised they didn't have him say "put it on our BILL" as a reference to that old joke. I guess they thought it was too obvious or something?

One interesting thing of note is that Quack Pack actually features HUMANS alongside the ducks. In past Disney Afternoon shows like DuckTales and Goof Troop, incidental characters that weren't ducks would be anthropomorphic dogs that were basically just humans with some dog features. Same goes for the Donald Duck comic books. I believe they were called "Dogfaces". Here, we have human beings.

Had this been an episode of DuckTales, this guy would've been a Dogface.

And why am I just now noticing that "Dogface" sounds like a racial slur?

"Being broke MUNCHES!" Dewey complains, because "munches" was apparently slang for "isn't a good thing" at one point. Then Gwumpki, invites the boys to try his newest recipe - green glop. He calls it "Tasty Paste".

"I knew that we shouldn't have come to the Nickelodeon Café."

The boys understandably refuse to eat something that looks like Lloyd's vomit, but Gwumpki offers them three hundred dollars if they DO eat it, so they change their minds. So the moral of today's story is that bribery is a great way to get ahead in life.

But it turns out that the "Tasty Paste" is actually TOXIC WASTE, and upon eating it Huey, Dewey and Louie become terrifying mutants! Horrified, Donald sues Gwumpki for every last cent that he's got. And then the X-Men get involved!

Okay, obviously I'm just kidding. Disney wouldn't own the X-Men until years later. Anyhow, they try the paste and find that it actually tastes really, really good. They offer to buy the recipe from Gwumpki for only three bucks. Because Gwumpki is apparently an idiot, he agrees.

Somebody get Huey and Dewey to a barber, because their "cool 1990s teenager"
hairdos aren't doing it for me.

Though it could be worse... at least they didn't give one of them a MOHAWK...

So the Three Radical 1990s Teen Ducks set up a stand for their "Tasty Paste", and Daisy winds up being their first customer. Much like the boys, she's initially reluctant to eat what could easily be mistaken for swamp muck, but upon tasting it she becomes addicted to the stuff, giving Kath Souice the chance to ham it up in the recording booth.

"ME CRAVE MORE TASTY PASTE!"

She tells Huey, Dewey and Louie that she'll give them some airtime during What in the World to advertise their "Tasty Paste" - that is, if they'll give her all the Blended Shrek she can eat. "CRISP!" the boys exclaim. "Crisp"? Is that something that teens were saying in the 1990s? Was that ever a thing?

So then we get a commercial for "Tasty Paste". And because this was from the 1990s, it's a rap song. A really, really bad rap song. Because Disney is hip and fly with the kids, yo.

Depressingly, this isn't even the first time that Huey, Dewey, and Louie have rapped.

Soon the stand is swarming with folks who want to get their hands on the snack that looks like it was scooped out of Mike Wazowski's toilet. And it isn't long before their stand gives way for an actual restaurant. People just can't get enough of the boys' delicious Grinch Glop. And presumably Gwumpki gets none of the money they make despite the fact that he's the guy who created the stuff in the first place.

You know, I'm much more interested in seeing what Donald is doing right now
than I am seeing Huey, Dewey and Louie sell Mark Chang's puke. Whatever happened
to Donald, anyhow?

Huey, Dewey and Louie become rich.

Their Uncle Scrooge would be so proud... if it weren't for the fact that
he's not in this show.

"Tasty Paste" becomes so popular that eventually they make a theme park about it and it's reported that a two-headed alien that looks like Elvis loves it too. I'm not kidding, look at this screencap:

Okay, I want to know the story of this "2-Headed Elvis Alien". Can the rest of the episode just focus on him now?

Then we are treated to, get ready for this, A TRAILER FOR AN HONEST TO GOD MOVIE ABOUT "TASTY PASTE". It includes scenes like this:

Meh, still a better love story than Bee Movie...

After... THAT, we cut to Huey, Dewey, Louie, and Donald climbing out of a limo. Yeah, remember Donald? He's still in this show. The nephews show him the mansion that they bought with their millions, and he shouts, "You don't need a house THAT BIG! What a waste of cash!" But they reply that it's not THEIR house... it's HIS. THEIR mansion is the one next to it. That's enough to make Donald change his tune.

"Buying ONE mansion is a waste of cash, but buying TWO? THAT'S
what I call a good use of your money!"

Alas, the boys become so busy being the head of a corporation that's biggest claim to fame is selling Larry the Cucumber Juice, they don't have time to spend with poor "Uncle D".

I can't think of a funny caption for this one, so... yeah, make one up and
post it in the comments section below.

Daisy returns so she and Donald can do an episode of What in the World about "Tasty Paste". She's eaten so much of the stuff that she's become... well, y'know that "Big Chungus" meme that's been flying around since... 2018, I think? Well, say hello to the Disney equivalent of that meme. Ladies and gentlemen, Daisy Chungus:

And now, in yet another desperate attempt at making you laugh, I present to you... THE TOP TEN JOKES THAT I CAN MAKE ABOUT THIS SCREENCAP! Apologies in advance to the overweight...

Number Ten - I'm not going to say that Daisy is fat, but when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND THE HOUSE.

Number Nine - Daisy is hoping to audition for Fantasia's "Dance of the Hours" segment.

Number Eight - I think even Jabba the Hutt would look at Daisy and go, "You need to lose some weight."

Number Seven - If that duck got cooked, it could feed the entire city of Chicago (I just chose a city at random)!

Number Six - I once knew a duck who was so fat, she had her own gravitational pull!

Number Five - I bet Stewie Griffin is going to start following her around with a tuba.

Number Four - SOMEBODY needs to go on a diet.

Number Three - I hope she doesn't start dancing, or else she could cause an earthquake.

Number Two - You see, the joke here is that a character who usually isn't incredibly fat is now incredibly fat.

AND THE NUMBER ONE JOKE THAT I CAN MAKE ABOUT THIS SCREENCAP IS...

"Dat'll hold him alwight! Hehheheheheh... PHOOEY!"

And now, to make up for all of those fat jokes I just made, here's a skinny joke - I once knew a guy who was so skinny, he could loan himself out to arts and crafts stores as a pipe cleaner. Hey, I didn't say it was a GOOD skinny joke.

So, as you might have guessed, the boys have become drunk with power. They refuse to do an interview for What in the World, which they just so happened to have bought that morning, and they've also decided that from now on the show will only do "Tasty Paste"-related stories. This makes Daisy MAD!

Last fat joke, I promise...



I can't be the only one who thinks Daisy is tempted to eat them, am I?

And as if the boys weren't being bad enough, they casually mention that they've cut Daisy's salary in half. An understandably ticked-off Daisy announces that she and Donald are quitting the show. Huey, Dewey and Louie don't care. Yes, they have officially become a trio of Michael Eisners/Bob Igers/some other CEO who's infamous.

The boys call up some guy on their... video phone, I guess, to fill them in as to how their new "Tasty Paste" factory is coming along. It's fully-automated, maximizing profits while eliminating the cost of labor. Alas, that means the guy in the video has been fired too, and he vows to get REVENGE.

Fitting that the guy is sitting in a dumpster...

Meanwhile, Donald is still trying to spend time with the boys, but they refuse to play "Quasar Combat" with him... or do ANYTHING with him, for that matter. They're just too busy. So instead, they've hired three random dudes dressed like them to hang out with him instead. 

Why is this so disturbing?

They also keep calling him "Ronald", further showing that money and power have corrupted them, turning them into eeeeeeeeeevil money-obsessed scoundrels. Just like the people currently running the Disney corporation.

I honestly would've preferred having them become mutants and terrorize people
by this point...

A horrified Donald runs out of the room. Meanwhile, that guy from the video sneaks into the "Tasty Paste" factory to get his REVENGE. "I WILL DESTROY THEIR MACHINERY! AND THEIR 'TASTY PASTE' EMPIRE!" he announces, laughing like an insane lunatic.

But wait! How can we make this all the more absurd?! Oh, I know - let's have a bolt of lightning zap a pile of "Tasty Paste", bringing it to life and turning it into some sort of "Tasty Paste" MONSTER?

Sure. Okay. We can do that. Can't possibly make the episode any more ridiculous than it already is.

Beware of the Blob!

So now there's a giant, confused-looking blob of "Tasty Paste" rampaging through the city. Huey, Dewey and Louie don't give a crap upon seeing this on TV. For some reason. They don't even look surprised by it. But then they hear that a giant bloodthirsty mob has gathered outside "Tasty Paste" Headquarters, and THAT'S what makes them nervous.

I don't know about YOU, but I consider this to be karma.

How can Huey, Dewey and Louie solve this problem? Easy - according to Huey, they'll throw money at it. Specifically, they find the "Tasty Paste" Monster and offer it a billion dollars to go to another country (apparently making lots and lots of money resulted in them becoming idiots too). Predictably, that fails, so they go to their "Uncle D" for help.

Donald has a plan - they'll use their "Quasar Combat" guns to destroy the monster. It works - and by "it works", I mean it succeeds in blowing the monster up, but then it regenerates into MORE "Tasty Paste" Monsters.

Wah wah wah wah wah...

And the Slimer Clones have the ability to merge back into one giant "Tasty Paste" Monster that heads for City Hall. Fortunately, they come up with another plan... a plan that involves Donald dressing in drag. Donald lures the monster back to the "Tasty Paste" Factory, where they suck it into one of the machines. The day is saved!

Alas, it takes the boys' entire fortune to pay for the damages to the city that their "Tasty Paste" caused. But at least they still have each other and the monster is out of the picture, right?

Wrong-o, Chongo.

Say, didn't I see this guy before in a Scooby-Doo episode?

And so Huey, Dewey and Louie were eaten by the monster. The end.

Just kidding. It turns out that it was all just a dream. Huey, Dewey, and Louie never actually became rich off of a cross between Jello and radioactive sludge, become a trio of Bob Igers, and get attacked by a giant monster. Huey fell asleep at the diner and imagined all of that.

Then Donald and Daisy show up. Donald still felt bad about letting the boys down, so he and Daisy decided that instead of a REGULAR date, they can all go play "Quasar Combat". But before they go, Gwumpki emerges from the kitchen with a batch of his newest recipe - "Tasty Paste". Upon seeing this, Huey runs out of the diner screaming. But Daisy tries some, discovers that it's delicious, and... well, you can see where this is going. The end.

I hope Donald really DID stock up on "Quasar Combat" guns, because something
tells me that he and his nephews are gonna need them...

What's the Verdict?

I'll admit, Quack Pack wasn't nearly as bad as I expected it to be. Don't get me wrong, it's not a GOOD show. It's incredibly cheesy, and its attempts at being "hip" and "cool" and whatever are painfully lame. But I've seen far worse shows. The biggest problem, I feel, is that Huey, Dewey and Louie are left to carry much of the episode without Donald. And without Donald, or Scrooge McDuck for that matter, they really aren't interesting enough to carry a show. I don't know if I would recommend Quack Pack, but it's tolerable.

And, hey, if nothing else, at least Disney never tried to "update" Donald's nephews again, right? Like, I dunno, turning Huey and Dewey into clones of Dipper from Gravity Falls and Louie into a greedy jerk, giving them the voices of random celebrities despite the fact that it's very jarring hearing those voices come out of characters that are intended to be kids, teaming them up with a duck version of Mabel who screeches every other line and is ALSO voiced by some random celebrity whose voice doesn't fit a character that's intended to be a kid, and stick them in a show that desperately wants to be Gravity Falls and doesn't do a very good job of hiding it?

Oh, yeah. They did indeed do just that.