Let's Watch This: An Episode of "Grossology"

NOTE: Please do not take any of the little nitpicks in this review (or any of my other reviews, for that matter) seriously. I write these reviews in the hopes of making people laugh. Those nitpicks are really just dumb little observations that I'm attempting to make jokes out of, not complaints that add to whether or not I like something.

Look, I'm just gonna be blunt here: I don't like gross-out humor. Snot, drool, barf, farting, that sort of thing... maybe I'm just an oversensitive ninny, but I've never found it funny. I just find it disgusting. With that in mind, this show having the word "Gross" in the name doesn't exactly fill me with confidence.

Okay, okay, what exactly IS Grossology? Well, you see, it started as a 1992 children's book written by Sylvia Branzei. The book's Amazon page dubs it a "guide to all things gross". The book spawned a couple sequels, some CD-ROMs, a traveling exhibition, and - of course - a TV show. The Grossology show, developed by Simon Racioppa and Richard Elliott for Nelvana, premiered on YTV in Canada on September 29th, 2006. In the United States, the show's first season aired on Discovery Kids, then the second season aired on Qubo. Fifty-two episodes were made.

I've never read the original Grossology books, but from my understanding the series has very little in common with them aside from the name and subject matter. It focuses on two teenage secret agents named Ty (voiced by Michael Cohen) and Abby Archer (voiced by Krystal Meadows), who work for the Department of Grossology, a secret government bureau that handles all the problems too disgusting for anyone else to want to get involved with. Usually these problems involved a supervillain who has something to do with a bodily function or something like that. Sounds repulsive, doesn't it?

But this isn't just a gross-out show, no, no... it's also EDUTAINMENT! According to TV Tropes, anyway. I assume this means the show teaches the kids watching at home about head lice and farting while Ty and Abby fought the villains weaponizing them.

I don't know how big of a fanbase this show has. I found some fanart on DeviantArt and a few posts praising the show on Tumblr, so there are SOME fans at least. As for me, I've never watched the show - like I said, I don't like gross things in my cartoons. But who knows? Maybe I've misjudged it. Maybe it's actually really good. We'll be watching the ninth episode of the show, "It's Gotta Be the Shoes", to find out.

SUGGESTION: Don't read this review while eating something. Probably not the best idea.

We start off with two basketball players in the locker room. One of them takes off his shoe, complaining about how much his feet hurt, and shows us his smelly sock. Okay, I guess that's not TOO disgusting...

I mean, the sweat stain's a little gross, but aside from that, I can stomach it.

Then he takes off his sock and DEAR LORD WHAT IS THAT?!

What is going on with his foot?! Does playing too much basketball turn your foot into a sea lamprey?! Particularly disgusting is how there is GREEN SLIME leaking out of it. Is there a scientific name for this? Is it Nickelodeon-itis?

After that bit of nausea-inducing imagery, and the theme song, we are treated to a commercial for basketball shoes called KVK1s. Instead of Michael Jordan, the ad stars basketball player Keith Van Kobbler. Oh, I get it. Van Kobbler. Sounds like "cobbler". And cobblers make shoes. At least when they don't have elves doing all the work.

Abby and Ty are watching the ad with two friends whose names I don't know at the mall. Ty isn't fooled by the commercial's claims that the shoes will automatically make you the new Shaquille O'Neal, saying, "If a scientist is the best, it's not because he has the coolest test tubes." But the two friends and Abby are completely suckered in.

Or maybe Abby just has the hots for Keith Van Kobbler. It's a little unclear.

We then see Abby at a basketball court, where she has to put up with the annoyingness of Paige, her snobbish popular girl rival - basically the Sharpay of Grossology. Her voice actress, Melissa Altro, also provided the voice of Muffy Crosswire from Arthur, ANOTHER character whose shtick was that she was an obnoxious snob more often than not. So it's kind of like Muffy in her teenage years.

Muffy... I mean, Paige has on a pair of KVK1s, and she's all too happy to rub it in Abby's face that she has them and Abby doesn't. Apparently, the contour fitting of the shoes gives your foot "a tight, foamy hug", each shoe has a spray that creates optimum humidity for maximum comfort, the insoles massage your feet, and there's even a stereo accessory that allows the shoes to play music.

That stereo looks more like an iPod to me (maybe it IS and Paige just said "stereo"
so Apple doesn't sue the showrunners).

AND the shoes have "super-bounce capability" - which means that the soles inflate. Ty still thinks it's ridiculous that everyone wears the shoes just because some pro athlete wears them, but Abby is totally getting suckered in (or at least tempted to buy the shoes just to make Paige shut up).

Just then, the two get a call from the head of the Bureau of Grossology, simply known as The Director (Paul OSullivan), who tells them that they have a situation at the basketball arena - a "festering fungus-filled" situation. "Cool!" Ty and Abby exclaim, clearly having a much better appreciation for disgusting things than I do. It's time to get suited up!

Yeah, Paige might have cool shoes, but does she save the world on a regular basis? I didn't
think so.

Somehow, ALL of the basketball players have wound up with what Abby dubs the nastiest case of Athlete's Foot in history. Hmmm, it looks like they were all wearing KVK1s before they got them. Juste une coincidence?

Ty takes a closer look at the KVK1s and discovers that they're all filled with fungus. Abby suggests that they take a sample to their friend Lab Rat for analysis. Lab Rat (Deven Mack) works as tech support for the Bureau of Grossology... which from now on I'm just going to call B.O.G. because it's a lot easier to type... and is basically the Wade to Ty and Abby's Kim Possible.

Apparently, this character's design was actually inspired by Deven Mack's appearance.
That's pretty neat.

Lab Rat explains what Athlete's Foot is. The fungus it creates chomps on old skin cells and then starts to multiply... and I don't mean it starts doing arithmetic. It causes dry skin, intense itching, inflammation, and blisters. Suddenly, I don't feel so bad about never being super-athletic anymore. "But why were so many different strains of fungi found in one shoe?" Lab Rat asks.

Ty thinks that the KVK1s have something to do with the Athlete's Foot, but Abby is all "No way, Keith Van Kobbler would never let that happen!" Ty says that there's only one way to find out for sure - do some snooping. So it's off to the shoe store they go. And once they get there, Abby buys a pair of KVK1s, claiming that it's "research". Uh huh, sure. I'm sure that's also why she's cuddling a giant cardboard cutout of Keith Van Kobbler, too.

Honestly, I've seen people with more disturbing crushes on celebrities on the internet.

While Abby is fawning over the cardboard cutout, she mentions that they live in Keith Van Kobbler's hometown, and that he went to Ringworm Junior High like they do, which is why they're building a statue of Keith Van Kobbler. I do wonder if that will be an important plot point...

Before they can do any more snooping (or, in Abby's case, fawning over a cardboard cutout), Ty and Abby must head to class. On the way there, they discover that everyone in school has the foot fungus as well - and that includes Paige. And what were they all wearing beforehand? KVK1s! Abby insists it's just a coincidence, to which Ty says, "You'd better hope so - you tried those shoes on too!"

Back home, Abby tells their parents that she needs a pair of KVK1s... despite how obvious it is that they cause foot fungus. Something tells me Abby's a few sodas short of a six-pack. Question for anyone who's seen more episodes of the show - do Ty and Abby's parents know that they work for the B.O.G.? Or is this one of those "we have to keep it a secret because [REASONS]" kind of shows?

Also, why do so many cartoon dads wear sweater vests?

It's a good thing their parents won't buy Abby the shoes, because Lab Rat's done an analysis on a brand new pair of KVK1s bought by the B.O.G. for research purposes and it turns out they're just as fungus-filled as the used ones from the locker room. And just because you have the fungi on your feet doesn't necessarily mean you'll get Athlete's Foot - the conditions have to be juuuuuuuuuuuust right, just like the conditions of a foot inside a KVK1. "It's like they were MADE for the job!" Lab Rat claims. "These shoes are the cause of the funky feet!"

Ty suggests that they go to the shoe factory, which is completely automated, and look for clues. Here they find robotic arms attached to a conveyor belt dunking the soles of the shoes in some sort of swirling rose gold goop. When Ty scans the goop with his... handheld computer thing, he discovers that it's a mixture of the super-fungi they found in the shoes AND locker room. Abby declares that Keith Van Kobbler will freak out when he's informed of somebody sabotaging his shoes. I could chalk this up to her being naive, but I dunno, just because Keith's promoting the shoes doesn't necessarily mean he KNOWS that the company making them is using them to spread Athlete's Foot. Of course, I already know from the episode's Wikipedia description that he does, but I'm just trying to understand her perspective.

I love Ty's expression here.

Then they find an office that, judging from the basketball trophies and framed jersey on the wall, must be the office of Keith Van Kobbler. "Why would Van Kobbler have an office in the shoe factory if he's just a spokesperson?" Ty asks. And why are there photos of new basketball players on the rise, wearing KVK1s, on the wall with giant red "X"s on them? Basketball players who have recently gotten Athlete's Foot?

Oh, look, Keith Van Kobbler just slipped out from behind the cardboard cutout of himself he has in his office. Perhaps HE could shed some light on the situation.

Who on Earth keeps a cardboard cutout of themselves in their office anyway?

Abby promptly goes gaga over Keith, but Ty demands to know why he's intentionally giving anyone who buys his fancy new shoes foot fungi. "What? Why would VK do such a thing?" Keith asks. "If someone is spiking VK's shoes, VK will have to stop them. VK thinks that we should work together to solve this mystery before anyone else gets hurt. What do you say, kids?" But first, he suggests a game of one-on-one and tosses a basketball their way... a basketball that promptly explodes, tying up Ty and Abby like a girl from a cartoon show on DeviantArt.

Still think he's just an innocent pawn here, Abby?

Yep, Keith's evil. But Abby just assumes Keith thinks they're the ones who are sabotaging his shoes... okay, seriously, how stupid IS Abby? "VK's at the top of his game! And when all these ball players get laid up with Athlete's Foot, no one will ever be able to break VK's records!" Keith gloats. "So THAT'S what you're up to! You're eliminating the competition!" Ty exclaims. What's more, Keith says that the first shoes were a test, and that next he shall send his shoes to stores all over the world! And he's going to dunk Ty and Abby in the vat of "fungus broth". How despicable. I bet LeBron James would never do this to HIS fans...

There's a flaw in Keith's plan, though... won't the world eventually realize, like Ty and Abby did, that everyone who got the foot fungus just so happened to get them from wearing KVK1s? And then stop buying them?

Maybe Keith just thinks everyone else in the world is as dumb as Abby.

As they travel down the conveyor belt, Abby laments that someone she was a huge fan of turned out to be a jerk. I would compare this when I found out that Tom Kenny was an insensitive jerk, but A) I've learned that saying bad things about Tom Kenny is a great way to get hateful comments sent my way, and B) at least Tom never did anything as awful as intentionally giving people Athlete's Foot. Fortunately, Keith put KVK1s on Ty and Abby's feet before he left, and they manage to make the soles of their KVK1s inflate, causing them to clog up the machine they're about to go into and then explode, sending Ty and Abby flying to safety. On the downside, Abby now has Athlete's Foot.

I think even Mort from Madagascar would find this episode disgusting.

Keith is now at the school, preparing to give a big speech before the unveiling of his statue, when Ty and Abby show up and confront him over, y'know, the evil scheme. He fights them with a basketball that ricochets around the room as though it were made of Flubber, destroying whatever it touches - including Ty and Abby's slime-shooting guns. And also a Deluxe Edition of KVK1s that have rockets in them. How will they ever beat him? Well, Lab Rat did mention earlier that Keith doesn't play defense. So they start pelting him with whatever balls they can find. Volleyballs, tennis balls, footballs... and eventually Abby does a slam dunk and traps Keith in the net.

Looks like Keith Van Kobbler has been Keith Van Klobbered.

We cut to Ty and Abby at home, watching hockey on TV, when their parents enter the room and reveal that they got them... AVA1s, not KVK1s. They're kind of like KVK1s, but they're pink and presumably do not cause foot fungus. And that's about it.

Wait, what happened to Keith? Does the world find out that he intentionally gave everyone foot fungus to eliminate the competition? Are they still putting up a statue of him at the school? Are they still selling KVK1s in stores? No sort of explanation as to how the foot fungus problem got solved? Okay, then.

So what have we learned today? Well, I've learned a few things...

- Basketball players are evil.
- Being popular at school is worth getting foot fungus.
- You can intentionally give people Athlete's Foot and just get a slap on the wrist.
- Abby is dumb as a rock.
- Just because a show is gross doesn't automatically mean it's bad.

What's the Verdict?

I thought Grossology was okay. Alright animation, great performances from the voice actors, a couple of chuckle-worthy moments, likeable characters (aside from the ones we were meant to dislike), certainly better than something like Ned's Newt or Spliced. What's my main problem with it? Well, as you might have guessed, I don't like looking at peoples' fungus-infested feet. And since other episodes of the show focus on bad guys who weaponize farting, snot, vomiting, and pink-eye (among other things), I doubt I'll be seeking out any more episodes of the show. But like I said, it's fine for what it is, and I wouldn't suggest that anyone NOT watch it. Just be prepared to be disgusted, okay? I give it three stars out of five. If you'd like to watch Grossology yourself, you can find episodes on YouTube.

Oh, and on the off-chance you DID read this review while you were eating something... my apologies. But hey, you can't say I didn't warn you.