Let's Watch This - An Episode of "Turbo: F.A.S.T."

I remember first hearing the premise of DreamWorks' 2013 movie Turbo. A snail wants to race in the Indy 500. I thought to myself, "Well, it sounds like a weird premise, but let's wait until the first trailer comes out. Maybe it'll look good." And then the trailers came out, and I thought it looked good, so I decided to go see it in theaters. And you know what? I liked it!

Alas, the film didn't do very well at the box office, but that didn't stop DreamWorks from making a show about it - the very first cartoon that they developed for Netflix. The show takes place after the movie, is animated in Flash as opposed to CGI (which in my opinion was probably for the best, considering how bad the CGI in their previous shows like The Penguins of Madagascar and Kung Fu Panda: Legends of Awesomeness was), and only two members of the original film's cast - Michael Patrick Bell and Ken Jeong - so, for example, instead of Ryan Reynolds we've got Reid Scott as Turbo. I remember watching one or two episodes of the show when it first came out and liking them, but does it still hold up? Let's find out! The episode that we'll be looking at today is the premiere episode, "Crazy Fast".

After returning home from... some sort of racing world tour, I guess... Tito (Amir Talai) and Turbo are greeted by that annoying old lady from the movie (Ken Jeong), though thankfully she's not in the episode that much. Tito tells Turbo that he's got a big surprise for him... specifically, this.

I know this is admittedly a nitpick, when did Tito find the time to build this?

"I call it Starlight City," Tito says. It's a tiny city for Turbo and his snail friends to hang out in. It's got everything from a city hall to a movie theater to a skate park, and even one of those plastic owls to keep the birds away (which doesn't do any good). Tito eventually spots Turbo's brother Chet and places Turbo next to him. Chet (voiced by Eric "Man of a Thousand Voices" Bauza) is still miffed that Tito thinks he's Turbo's girlfriend.

Chet tells Turbo (Reid Scott) that there's something he wants to show him. "Everybody wanted to thank you for making the city possible," he explains, "So we all got together and made you..." Turbo manages to guess it before Chet can finish - his very own racetrack!

Even in their TV shows, DreamWorks characters can't resist making
the DreamWorks Face.

Not only that, but the snails are all throwing Turbo a surprise homecoming race! Turbo meets back up with his crew - for those of you who haven't seen the movie, there's...

- Whiplash; the awesome Samuel L. Jackson snail (now voiced by John Eric Bentley)

- Burn; the girl of the team who has the hots for Chet (Grey Griffin)

- White Shadow; the fat one who thinks he's Mr. Super-Stealthy and provided one of the best jokes in the movie (Michael Patrick Bell)

- Smoove Move; the Snoop Dog snail who's movin' so fast the whole world's goin' in slow-motion, baby (now voiced by Phil LaMarr)

- and Skidmark; the enthusiastic blue Ben Schwartz-voiced snail, making him the very first blue cartoon animal that Ben Schwartz has ever voiced, years before he provided the voice of Sonic the Hedgehog (now also voiced by Amir Talai).

And there's also an announcer snail named Mel Shellman (voiced by Daran Norris). Here's a screencap of him:

How does a snail grow a mustache?

And while I'm asking questions, is it really necessary for the other snail in the booth
to be wearing headphones? What good are they for an animal that doesn't have ears?

"Long time to the S-Double-E, y'all!" Smoove Move says. "Let's light this place up!" Turbo announces, and the race begins. Quickly, Turbo discovers that this track isn't exactly like the one in the Indy 500. For example, there are hills made of sand called "Moguls", loop-de-loops, S-Turns in a field of tomato plants, and presumably also large pits full of hungry alligators. Suddenly, the color palette turns entirely to shades of red and orange, which as we all know means that something intense is going to happen. Sure enough, the race is interrupted by this guy.

"I auditioned to star in Antz and DreamWorks didn't give me a single callback!
Since you've also a DreamWorks character, I decided to take my anger out on YOU!"

This is Hardcase (Diedrich Bader), a tiger beetle who considers himself the fastest insect on the planet. "Are you faster than a grasshopper riding on a cheetah?" Skidmark asks him. Chet, upon looking up the tiger beetle to see if Hardcase is telling the truth, finds it funny that Hardcase is related to the stinkbug. Ah yes, and it's revealed that Skidmark is kind of a conspiracy theorist. After Chet discovers that, indeed, tiger beetles are the fastest of all bugs, Skidmark says, "If the internet says it, it MUST be true... unless, that's just what the internet WANTS US to think!"

Hello, new potential meme...

"This is all very fascinating, but why are you here?!" Whiplash demands to know. Hardcase explains that he's ticked-off that Turbo has the AUDACITY to be faster and more famous than him. Instead of Turbo simply telling Hardcase that it's not his fault Hardcase hasn't done anything with his life like Turbo did, they trash-talk each other for a few minutes and eventually decide to have a race - a race, according to Hardcase, for Turbo's title, a trophy, and the whole town. Why Hardcase wants to be the king of a city for snails, I don't know.

"Why would I ever agree to that?!" Turbo demands. "Because if you don't," Hardcase snarls, "My boys will tear this city apart!" This is the cue for Hardcase's tiger beetle henchmen to show up and act all scary and threatening and whatever. Turbo believes that he shouldn't have accepted the challenge, but to be fair it was either that or let the tiger beetles destroy the city. And he had difficulty with the track before, how will he ever be able to beat Hardcase?! Whiplash gives him a pep talk - "We built this track," he says, "We can teach you how to run it!"

First, White Shadow teaches him how to handle the "Moguls", but Turbo ends up flying into a dumpster. Next, Burn teaches him how to handle the loop-de-loops, but Turbo fails at that too. Then Smoove Move tries to teach him how to do the S-Turns, but Turbo doesn't listen and winds up getting hurt again. All this bums Turbo out... he becomes convinced that he's never going to beat Hardcase. Chet tries to give him a pep talk, but when he does, Turbo finishes all of his sentences and realizes that in order to win this race, he'll have to, as the Beatles would put it, get by with a little help from his friends. "Leave it to Turbo to give a pep talk to himself," says Chet.

And then Tito and the old lady show up again.

She's TWO annoying stereotypes at the same time!

We get a training montage set to "Eye of the Tiger", and then Turbo asks Whiplash if he thinks he's ready. This causes Whiplash to go into a rant where he tells Turbo to go crazy. Turbo is very confused. As am I, by the way.

"I AM THE SAMUEL L. JACKSON SNAIL! AND THUS, EVEN THOUGH HE
DIDN'T REPRISE HIS ROLE FOR THE SHOW PRESUMABLY BECAUSE OF HOW BUSY
HE IS, I AM REQUIRED TO GO ON A RANT!"

Soon it's time for the big race. Hardcase is all, "I'm gonna win!" and Turbo's all "I don't think so, pal!" and White Shadow is all, "I'm a massive idiot!" The race begins, and Turbo does well on the "Moguls", but Hardcase blatantly cheats and yet for whatever reason is not disqualified. Turbo handles the loop-de-loops just fine, and while in the Tomato Plant S-Turns, he makes THIS face.

Hooray, another new potential meme...

Hardcase does some more cheating by shooting tomatoes Turbo's way, but Turbo still does fine. Soon Turbo is in the lead. Hooray! But, OH NO! Hardcase has another trick up his sleeve - he has his beetle henchmen block Turbo's path by knocking down the jumbotron! Hardcase is all, "Bwa-ha-ha, I can jump over this and you can't, so I guess I'm gonna win!" but then Turbo realizes that he can use what he learned from his friends to get over this obstacle. So that's just what he does.

Turbo wins! And then his shell explodes (Skidmark TOLD HIM not to get it wet). But Hardcase decides to sic his beetles on the town anyway just for the heck of it. Turbo and his friends fight them off, but they're outnumbered. Nothing can stop Hardcase... except for the tiger beetle's natural enemy, a spotted yellow-backed tree frog, which they can suddenly hear approaching. This scares Hardcase and the beetles off. Of course, there isn't actually a frog - the sound was coming from out of Smoove Move's speakers. He got the idea from A Bug's Life.

The episode ends with Turbo and his pals deciding to call themselves the "Fast Action Racing Team". Then they realize that their acronym is "F.A.R.T.", so they decide to call themselves the "Fast Action STUNT Team" - or "F.A.S.T.", hence the title of the show - instead.

While Turbo FAST isn't my favorite TV show based off a DreamWorks movie (that honor goes to The Penguins of Madagascar), it's got a lot going for it. Good animation, good voice-acting, funny jokes, and it manages to keep you invested in what's going on. It managed to get three seasons, all of which I think can still be found on Netflix (I could be wrong, though). If you're a fan of the movie, I say give it a watch. If you haven't seen the movie, I'd recommend watching the movie first, and if you like it, THEN giving this show a watch.

P.S. - I think Amir Talai's voice for Skidmark sounds like Dee Bradley Baker. Just an interesting observation.

Well, that's two positive reviews in a row... I'm not sure if you guys prefer my positive reviews or my negative reviews, but I suppose I should probably review something really crappy next time to balance things out.

How about we make a game out of this? I'm not going to straight-up TELL you what my next review is gonna be like I normally do. Instead, I'm going to give you three hints.

HINT NUMBER ONE:
The show is from the 2000s.

HINT NUMBER TWO:
The show aired on Nickelodeon in at least one part of the world.

HINT NUMBER THREE:
The show is named after a pre-existing song.

Can you guess what my next review is gonna be?