Let's Watch This... Again: An Episode of "Hi Hi Puffy AmiYumi"

NOTE: Please do not take any of the little nitpicks in this review (or any of my other reviews, for that matter) seriously. I write these reviews in the hopes of making people laugh. Those nitpicks are really just dumb little observations that I'm attempting to make jokes out of, not complaints that add to whether or not I like something.

NOTE #2: No disrespect is meant towards anyone who worked on the show I am reviewing today. I'm sure they are all very nice and talented people.

NOTE #3: If you like this show, that is great. Go ahead and like it. I'm not judging you.

My first review of Hi Hi Puffy AmiYumi was my first experience with somebody getting really, really mad that I gave a show they liked a negative review. This show does have a lot of fans, so I knew I'd be ticking off SOMEBODY with my review of it (I dubbed it mediocre, which is hardly the worst thing I've said about a cartoon). After I posted it, I was suddenly attacked by hateful comments from somebody who was really, really mad that I criticized it, many of which I could not repeat here because I'd like to keep the blog PG. I guess this troll just really, really liked Hi Hi Puffy AmiYumi and couldn't stand criticism of it. They also apparently really liked Donkey Kong Country and Sidekick because they posted multiple negative comments on my reviews of those shows too (or maybe they didn't actually care about those shows and just wanted a reason to attack me for some other reason. I have no idea).

This is actually part of the reason I decided to do these "re-reviews" - because if I'm going to decide I don't like a show, I should at least review more than one episode. So far, all these re-reviews have done is make it clear that I didn't just happen to watch one of the weaker episodes the first time - the show really IS as bad as I thought. But I'm gonna keep doing re-reviews anyway, and now it's Hi Hi Puffy AmiYumi's turn.

So what IS Hi Hi Puffy AmiYumi? Well, for those of you who haven't read my first review, there exists a Japanese punk rock band called Puffy AmiYumi, consisting of Ami Onuki and Yumi Yoshimura. Sam Register, who in the 2000s was the vice president of Cartoon Network, thought it'd be a good idea to make a cartoon about them. That cartoon premiered in November 2004 and hoooooooooo boy did they promote the heck out of it. It seemed as though they had a new Powerpuff Girls... until Sam Register left Cartoon Network and they cancelled it without bothering to air the remainder of the show's third season. Even if I don't like the show, I don't think any cartoon deserves THAT. At least air all the dang episodes!

Here are the actual Ami and Yumi. They don't look much like the cartoon versions.

The cartoon Ami and Yumi weren't voiced by Ami Onuki and Yumi Yoshimura themselves, but rather by Janice Kawaye and Grey DeLisle-Griffin. They rode around the world in their tour bus with their manager Kaz (voiced by Keone Young) getting into strange adventures. Talent-sucking vampires, robot clones, aliens... nothing was too out-there for Ami and Yumi to encounter. Originally, I was going to review the fifth episode of the show, but the first segment wasn't giving much material to work with, and the seventh one sounded a bit more... for lack of a better phrase, review-worthy. So we're gonna watch THAT.

Our first segment is called "Surf's Up" (not to be confused with that movie about the penguins).

The episode begins with Ami and Yumi at the beach... or rather, a strip of sand and some blue chunks meant to be water sitting in a white void. I know the intent here was for the art style to be an emulation of the one in UPA's cartoons, but I'm not sure if it quite works. Maybe it's just me...

Anyway, Yumi's sunbathing is interrupted by Ami deciding to channel Crush from Finding Nemo and going, "Duuuuuuuuuuude, we can't be surgin' on a sand when there's righteous swells out there! Let's line up with the other foamers and hang ten!" Half of that didn't even sound like actual surfer lingo to me. But what do I know? I'm not a surfer. I've boogie-boarded, but I've never surfed.

"Whoa, Yumi, I'm really jonesing to go into the soup and ride some gnarly waves! Let's
not be L-7! Woolly bully! Other things that surfers say!"

To translate, Ami wants Yumi to take part in a surfing competition with her. Yumi refuses, claiming that it's hard to look cool standing on "a giant tongue depressor". But Ami whines that if they don't enter the surfing competition, her chances of hooking up with a cute surfer guy are very small... because of course Ami's only reason for wanting to do it is because of a cute boy. She's a teenage girl in a cartoon, after all.

So Yumi agrees, on one condition - that Ami stop with the surfer dude talk. Good on you, Yumi.

The beach's lifeguard is a stick figure? Don't think they're quite qualified for the job...

While waiting in line to sign up, Ami and Yumi encounter a parrot (Nathan Carlson). The peg leg on his foot suggests that he's a pirate (because pirates always have pet parrots), but he talks like a surfer dude. Are there a lot of surfer pirates? Or does he need the peg-leg because one day, while he was out surfing, a shark chomped off his foot? Maybe I'm just thinking too much about a one-off character...

Anyway, he tells Ami and Yumi about the "mondoo swell wetty" - many have searched for it, but few have found it. If they ride it home, they'll win the competition. "I think that bird's been sniffin' surfboard wax," Yumi tells Ami.

"Are you Puffy AmiYumI? BRAWK! Polly wants an autograph!"

As it turns out, Ami and Yumi are lousy surfers, and suck so much at it that they create a water spout that spits them out far, far out in the middle of the ocean. They have no idea how to get back to the shore. Ami tries to signal for help with her bandana, but then a shark eats it. But wait - is that an ISLAND up ahead? Judging from the fact that it's GREY as opposed to sand-colored, I'm gonna go out on a limb and say "No".

Ee-yup - as soon as they get to the island, they discover that it's actually the head of a whale.

It's been a whale of a day for Ami and Yumi, hasn't it?




Get it? A WHALE of a day? Please laugh. I'm trying so hard...

The whale tosses Ami and Yumi back into the ocean. As if things weren't bad enough for Ami and Yumi, the hot sun causes Ami to go crazy and start hallucinating. She sees the water as creamy milk, she sees pink unicorns drinking from the milk... and, most amusing of all, she sees Yumi as a giant sushi roll. Uh oh, is Ami about to descend into cannibalism?

Reminder: Ami and Yumi are in this mess just because Ami, who has no idea how to surf,
was horny.

Before Ami can devour Yumi alive, they spot a gigantic tidal wave heading their way. It's the "mondo swell wetty" - they found it, and Yumi dubs it their ticket out of here!

And since a tidal wave has shown up, I suppose it's a good time to bring up a fun fact about the episode - apparently, it was originally called "TsunAmiYumi" and was supposed to air on New Year's Eve 2004. But then a few days earlier, the infamous Indian Ocean tsunami occured, and the higher-ups at Cartoon Network thought airing the episode would be in bad taste. I don't know if the episode ever aired in the United States, but according to Wikipedia it did air on foreign networks. Honestly, I think pulling the episode was a wise move (and not just because it's mediocre). Airing it after an actual tsunami likely would've been in extremely poor taste.

Wow, for two people who don't know how to surf, Ami and Yumi sure are good
at surfing.

Also, the wave is sentient. It suddenly gains a face and says "Surf's up, dudes! Right on!" in a stereotypical valley girl voice. First we have talking animals, and now we have sentient waves? What sort of strange world do Ami and Yumi live in?

What is this, Pee-Wee's Universe?

Long story short, they make it back to the island and win the surfing competition. Ami vows to never go in the water again... until she sees those hunky guys from before water-skiing. "Don't even think about it," Yumi tells her. Next segment...

It's a beautiful day in the park. Ami and Yumi are having a blast playing together until they spot Kaz, sitting on a bench, all alone, looking ever-so-pathetic. Ami suggests that maybe he needs a boyfriend, but Yumi brings up the main problem with that idea: who would want to date him? After all, Kaz is cowardly, greedy, sleazy, obnoxious, not particularly attractive... but hey, if somebody like Bluto can find a girlfriend, how hard could it be to find a girl for Kaz?

Yumi declares that there's only one way they can get Kaz a date: giving him a makeover.

Might not hurt to get him some stilts, too, while they're at the mall...

Kaz agrees to the makeover after Yumi tells him that they're paying for it. We get a montage of him trying on different outfits, wigs, shoes, what have you. Eventually, he decides on an outfit that Ami and Yumi both think makes him look like "awesome boyfriend material". This is that outfit:

...I'm sorry, but WHAT? THIS is the look that's gonna get Kaz a significant other? I'm not exactly a fashion expert, but all this does is make Kaz look like a tool. A massive tool. The kind of guy who thinks they're the coolest thing since sliced bread and is wrong. Not to mention he still has that obnoxious personality of his that will likely repel any woman he tries to hook up with. No way any girl is gonna want to...

I stand corrected. This woman, Courtney (Diane Michelle), immediately falls head over heels in love with Kaz for some inexplicable reason, and they go on a date, where Kaz demonstrates why he is NOT boyfriend material. Ami and Yumi, fortunately, are at the restaurant as well to give him romantic advice... and in Yumi's case, threaten him if he doesn't clean up his act. But it doesn't do any good - Kaz might have a new look, but he's still the same sleazy little troll he's always been.

Somehow, even after leaving Courtney with the bill, she STILL doesn't dump is tiny rear end and he drags her to a ballroom where he - you guessed it - continues to make an idiot out of himself. Then it's off to a drive-in movie, where Kaz falls asleep, resulting in Courtney finally and I mean FINALLY ditching Kaz, dubbing him the biggest zero she's ever dated. So what do Ami and Yumi tell Kaz? That he shouldn't have a girlfriend because he's... well, Kaz? Nope. Instead, Ami claims that Courtney is a secret agent who had to ditch Kaz because she's been called away to Siberia. Dang it, Ami, you had ONE JOB!

Out of context, this looks like Kaz has fallen madly in love with Ami and Yumi. Now THAT'S
a terrifying mental image...

The segment ends with Kaz getting beaten up by pigeons. Well, at least he's getting some sort of comeuppance...

Segment Number Three, "Brat Attack", sees Ami and Yumi at a rich child's birthday party. Yumi agrees with me and dubs Kaz the worst manager ever for sticking them with such lousy gigs, not helped by the fact that the rich child, Timmy (Grey DeLisle-Griffin), is one of THOSE incredibly wealthy kids. Y'know, those crafted using the Veruca Salt mold. Because remember, kids - if you're rich, you must be a horrible little brat no one will ever want to be friends with!

"Who do you blame when your kid is a brat?
Pampered and spoiled like a Siamese cat?
Blaming the kids is a lie and a shame
You know exactly who's to blame..."

Seemingly nothing pleases Timmy - not the cake, not any of his presents, nothing - except for Ami and Yumi. "I want THEM!" he claims. "I want my very own rock band to play with!" Kaz tells the kid's father (Rob Paulsen) that Ami and Yumi are not for sale, but then the kid's father offers him a ton of money and he, of course, hands them over. And apparently Ami and Yumi have no say in this? Kaz doesn't actually OWN them, does he? You can't OWN people.

It's very tempting to take this screencap and superimpose David Zaslav's head onto Kaz's.

"Kaz, are you NUTS?! You can't just SELL US!" Yumi protests, but Kaz reveals that he can - he shows them part of their contract that says (in Russian) that he can sell them off as though they were his car or something. Why Ami and Yumi don't just tear up the contract and make a run for it, I don't know.

Always read the fine print.

So now Ami and Yumi are for all intents and purposes Timmy's PETS. He destroys their instruments, then starts pelting them with tennis balls. In an attempt to calm the kid down, Ami and Yumi try some art therapy. Alas, that doesn't quite work out...

Reminder: that yellow stuff in the following screencap is PAINT. I know it looks a lot like something else, but it's PAINT.

So no toilet humor, please.

When Timmy starts using his paintball gun on them, they decide to fight fire with fire... or in this case, paint with paint. The end result has the house looking like Jackson Pollock took got his hands on it - but Timmy's dad loves it and gives Ami and Yumi the job of painting the front yard to match. So, art therapy was a bust.

Ami and Yumi try to sneak out that night, but Timmy catches them in the act and turns on the waterworks. He says that they're his only friends, the other kids at his birthday party were just actors his father paid to be there, he's really just lonely and wants REAL friends. So Ami and Yumi agree to show him how REAL friends play together. After another montage, Timmy thanks Ami and Yumi for teaching him the error of his ways and says that they can go home... right after his father gets his money back from Kaz, much to Kaz's dismay. Ah, Kaz getting his comeuppance. How sweet it is.

Maybe you should just stay with Timmy, girls. If your choices are between him and Kaz,
you're a lot better off with Timmy.

What's the Verdict?

I'm sorry, but I'm still gonna have to put Hi Hi Puffy AmiYumi in the mediocre category. I went in with an open mind but I still couldn't find much to enjoy about the show.

Ami and Yumi aren't very interesting characters. Ami is good-natured and a bit dimwitted, Yumi is tough and sarcastic... and that's it. Maybe if the writing were better they'd be more endearing, but as is they're just kind of dull. Being voiced by Janice Kawaye and Grey DeLisle-Griffin is basically all they have going for them. Kaz is just obnoxious. On top of that, most of the jokes fall flat. The only one I kind of found funny was Ami hallucinating that Yumi was a giant sushi roll. "Brat Attack" relied waaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much on the kid shouting to get a laugh out of the audience, which gets very grating after a while. And the animation, even for 2000s Adobe Flash, is bad. Everything from the movements to the character designs just looks so stiff. I think the show would've looked better if it had been animated by hand.

I know I'm basically just repeating the same points I brought up in my first review of this show, but Hi Hi Puffy AmiYumi just doesn't work for me. But like I said at the beginning of the review, if you like it, that's perfectly fine. Go ahead and like it. My opinion is not law.

I don't want to end this review on a negative note, so I'll bring up that next week is the beginning of the holiday season at Animation and All Things Related. That means we can start the Christmas reviews! What will I be looking at this year? Well, I've got some things in mind, but I won't give away what they are just yet. So until then, Happy Thanksgiving! Say, did you know that in Japan, they celebrate Thanksgiving (or as it's called there, Kinrōkansha no Hi) on November 23rd? That means the Japanese have already celebrated Thanksgiving, which means that the holiday season has already begun for them. Merīkurisumasu!

Let's Watch This: An Episode of "Grojband"

NOTE: Please do not take any of the little nitpicks in this review (or any of my other reviews, for that matter) seriously. I write these reviews in the hopes of making people laugh. Those nitpicks are really just dumb little observations that I'm attempting to make jokes out of, not complaints that add to whether or not I like something.

Grojband (say the name out loud and tell me what it sounds like) is a Canadian cartoon produced by Fresh TV, the same guys who do the seemingly endless parade of Total Drama shows (note to self: review Total Drama Island at some point), and animation company Neptoon Studios. In fact, the founders of Neptoon Studios, Todd Kauffman and Mark Thornton, are the show's creators.

The premise? A thirteen-year-old by the name of Corey Riffin (voiced by Lyon Smith) starts a band called (what else?) Grojband with his three best friends: the tomboyish Laney Penn (Bryn McAuley) and non-identical twin brothers Kin (Sergio Di Zio) and Kon Kujira (Tim Beresford). Problem is, Corey's not great at thinking up lyrics for their songs. What to do? Easy - they get Corey's older sister Trina (Alyson Court) worked up so she can get all emotional and write her thoughts down in her diary, then secretly take inspiration from the diary entries to whip up a new song! This might sound awful to you, but Trina is a jerk so you probably won't feel sorry for her.

The show aired on Teletoon in Canada and on Cartoon Network in the U.S. It only received twenty-six episodes, but does have a cult following - just look at how long its TV Tropes page is! I've never seen a single episode, of course, but I think it's obscure enough for me to do a review of it. Which episode should I review? Judging from the show's Wikipedia page, there are plenty of really out there episodes that would make for great reviewing material... maybe the one where they run into pirates? The one where Corey buys a new guitar which happens to be evil? The one where Kon for some reason comes to the conclusion that he's a dog? So many choices... I know. I'll do a review of the seventh episode, which consists of the segments "Creep Away Camp" and "Zoohouse Rock". This is Grojband!

Our first segment starts off with Corey, Laney, Kin, and Kon arriving at Camp Screamley, a campground full of bats, alligators swimming in murky green water, and jack-o-lanterns... which I guess means this is a Halloween episode. I guess it's kind of silly, in that case, that I'm reviewing it a month after Halloween, but y'know what, I'm okay with that.

Kin is the skinny twin with the glasses, Kon is the fat one with the freakishly large
head. Remember that now.

Every year, Corey explains, kids come from miles around to be traumatized by the "Acoustic Combat Creepshow", a battle of the bands to decide "the best campfire scare-band". Corey is determined to have THEIR band be the winner. There's just one problem: Trina is a camp counselor there, and she's of course going to use that to her advantage.

Accompanying Trina is Mina (Denise Oliver), her good-natured but spineless best friend/toady. Think of her as the Phoebe to her Helga, or the Marcie to her Peppermint Patty.

Fun fact about Trina: her hair is actually a wig made of bubble gum. That's why it's
pink.

Actually, there isn't just ONE problem, there's TWO problems. The other one is that the Newmans, Grojband's doppelganger gender-opposites, are also in the competition.

It was nice of the creators to save their fans the trouble of giving the characters the
Rule 63 treatment.

For those of you who don't know what Rule 63 is, Google it. Don't worry, it's not disgusting.

"You brought us to a camp where your sister is the boss of us AND we have to compete against our mortal enemies?!" Laney demands. "Well, it doesn't sound as good when you say it out loud..." Corey says sheepishly, but he's confident that their scary campfire song is gonna toast the Newmans' like a marshmallow... crap, now I'm craving a s'more and I'm writing this review at 9:47 in the morning. But since Trina is the... judge, I guess, beating the Newmans is going to be very, very hard.

In fact, according to Mina, Trina signed them up to be counselours at this camp just so she could destroy Corey and his band... and also because she wants to get close to a hunky kid named Jeremy... I mean, Gill... I mean, Nick Mallory (Graeme Cornies) who also happens to be a lifeguard there.

For some reason, I really struggled not to make comparisons to Candace from Phineas and Ferb
with Trina, mainly because she's really not that similar to Candace.

To beat the Newmans, Grojband must enlist the help of Blade Stabbington. Who is Blade Stabbington? According to Corey, he's the "campfire metal master", and he can turn any cheery kids' song into a pile of nightmares. His work includes such classics as "The Enormous, Multiple-Eyed Spider Crawled Up the Camper's Back", "If You're Possessed and You Know It, Spin Your Head", and "Mary Had a Little Lamb... Who Happened to Be a Vampire".

Legend has it that Blade established a campground just like the one they're at now, in a spooky forest near a swamp, and he lives in a creepy old lighthouse. Corey's plan is to find Blade, have him scare Trina so bad that her brains leak out her nose and into her diary to give them lyrics for a spine-tingling campfire song. It's foolproof!

For those unaware, Laney's voice actress, Bryn McAuley, was also the voice of Caillou at
one point. Yep, Laney is Caillou. Wrap your head around THAT one...

And wouldn't you know it, they find Blade Stabbington... who turns out to be a mild-mannered British-accented chap in a pink apron. He's a gardener now. Maybe he can whip up a song about evil posies.

"A very merry Unbirthday to you all!"

Apparently, as time went on Blade found it harder and harder to scare kids, presumably because the world is so scary already (Donald Trump is our president again, for crying out loud!). But Corey gives Blade an inspirational speech and he agrees to help them out - right after a training montage.

Oh, and did I mention his pet rat? He has a pet rat. Who bites Laney's face at one point. Ouch.

I sure hope he's not rabid...

Meanwhile, Trina is making plans to have Nick fall madly in love with her (because she's such a catch, isn't she?) via a romantic boat ride. And instead of having one of them just row the boat themselves, Trina forces Mina to get in the water and push the boat. Unfortunately for Trina, there are no singing crabs around to set the mood, so her chances of getting a kiss from Nick are preeeeeeeeeeeeeetty small.

I love the bored expression on his face.

Trina's attempt at wooing Nick is interrupted by the arrival of Blade and Grojband, who give Mina a scare - resulting in her jumping into Nick's arms, much to Trina's fury. She angrily tackles Blade and they both fall into the water. When Trina emerges, she looks like this:

A scene from the little-known sequel to The Creature From the Black Lagoon - The Teenage
Daughter of the Creature From the Black Lagoon.

Mina and a taco-craving Nick flee, and Trina is so enraged that she decides to write about it in her diary.

"Dear diary: I HAVE BEEN POSSESSED BY THE DEVIL!"

After a frog emerges from Blade's lungs and warns the others not to go in there (it makes sense in context. Kind of), Grojband totally creams the Newmans and their weak song about clown ghosts who are also dentists. Blade decides afterward to return home to the "terror nebula"... yes, Blade turns out to be an alien, and his lighthouse is a rocket ship. Okay then...

Wait, Corey and his pals got their song lyrics from what Trina wrote in her diary after her attempt at getting a kiss from Nick failed. But the song's lyrics were all about nightmares and gloom and stuff. Trina wrote all that in her diary? I would've expected her to write "Dear diary: I signed up to be a camp counselor because hunky Nick Mallory is working as a lifeguard at the very same camp, but my attempt at making him fall madly in love with me failed because a crazy Mad Hatter lookalike popped up and tried to scare us, then after I tackled him we fell into the lake and I emerged looking like a swamp monster. Also, Nick might actually be in love with Mina."

Is the "fear nebula" where Donald Trump is from, too? It would explain so much...

Next segment!

"Zoohouse Rock" starts with Kin and Kon creating a "mus-sage chair", a massage chair made from speakers and amplifiers that apparently both creates music AND gives you a massage at the same time. When Kin attempts to use it, however...

Wah wah wah wah waaaaaaaaaaaaaaah...

Then who should show up but... a bear! Oh, wait, it's not a real bear, it's just Corey in a bear costume. I didn't know Corey was a Furry.

...not that there's anything WRONG with being a Furry. I'm not judging anyone who's into this sort of thing.

"Can you believe the Country Bears rejected my audition?!"

Why is Corey dressed like a bear? Well, the other day, they were all talking about potential costumes for the band... Kin and Kon's idea was to wear hats that matched their socks, but Corey thinks it would be a much better idea for them to all dress like Yogi's relatives. There have been tons of huge animal costume acts, after all... Porka Polka (two pigs in lederhosen), for example!

You can't fool me - those are actual pigs, not people in costumes. Everybody knows
that pigs love polka music.

Laney isn't thrilled by the idea of dressing as C-Bear's rock group, but then Corey offers her a bear hug... because of course Laney is into Corey. If you're the best friend of a cartoon show's main character and you're the opposite gender of them, you have to be in love with them. It's Cartoon Rule Number 5.

I guess you could say that she just can't BEAR to say "no" to Corey. Get it? Can't
BEAR to? I amuse myself...

So now Grojband's members are all wearing bear costumes! Now they can join the ranks of such beloved bear musicians as the Country Bears and the Michael Jackson Bear from The Twelve Days of Christmas! Why, they'll be playing in Woodland Valley before they know it!

Y'know what they should call themselves? The Teddy Grahams. That sounds like a good
name for a band.

Their practicing is interrupted by who else but Trina, who unplugs their instruments and tells them that they're playing so loud Mina can't hear herself think when she tells her to think. She also says that she's having a party that night and that they're gonna have to clear out the garage, but Corey is all "No way! This is OUR garage too, so you're just gonna have to put up with us." This makes Trina MAD!

While she and Mina are trying to think of a way to save their party from Grojband's presence, Trina overhears the mayor of their town (Kedar Brown) lamenting that nobody goes to the local zoo anymore because the animals there are "boring". If they can't find a way to boost admission, the zoo will go bankrupt - he never should've bought that diamond-encrusted unicorn cage. This gives Trina an idea...

Huh. She really HAS been possessed by the Devil...

She calls up the mayor and tells him that she just so happens to have music-playing bears in her garage. Yes, Trina just sold four human beings - one of them being her BROTHER - to a zoo. I think even Lucy Van Pelt would draw the line at doing that to Linus...

And where the heck are Corey and Trina's parents? Don't they have any say in this?

Heck, where are Laney's parents? Or Kin and Kon's? Do they know their children have
basically been abducted by the mayor?

After Grojband is thrown in a cage at the zoo, Corey tries to explain to the mayor that they're not actually bears, but he doesn't believe them. And apparently the mayor is a total idiot, because he doesn't find it at all weird that these "bears" can talk (we did see a talking frog in the previous segment, so maybe all animals can talk in this world?). Nor does he notice the faces of human children sticking out of the bears' mouths.

"These living conditions are unBEARable!"



Sorry, I couldn't help myself...

"I s'pose you're all wearing people costumes under your bear skins!" the mayor quips, leading Kon to believe that under their "people skin", they're actual bears (clearly Kon isn't exactly the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree either). He promptly unzips his "people skin" to make sure... disturbing, but it confirms that he's not in fact a bear wearing a person costume under a bear costume.

The mayor orders them to start playing their instruments and saving their zoo, or else he'll have their heads mounted to a wall. Also very disturbing, even without taking into account that these are teenagers he's talking to.

"This is not our kind of gig! We've gotta get these costumes off!" Corey declares. Complicating things is the presence of an actual blue-furred bear, who starts growling when he sees Corey try to remove his costume. Why is the bear blue? I don't know, why is Eek! the Cat purple?

Tummi Gummi went down a dark path after The Adventures of the Gummi Bears.

Kin announces that he's got a crazy plan that just might work, to which the bear says "Oh no he di-in't!". Ah, so THAT'S why the mayor didn't question the bears being able to talk - bears CAN talk in this world!

Kin sticks some Not-Mentos into the lock on the cage, then pours soda on the Not-Mentos, hoping for an explosion. It doesn't work - if only they could reach the other vending machine at the zoo... it gives out crowbars. Meanwhile, Trina and Mina are getting ready for their party. Nick Mallory shows up and tells them he can't come to the party because he has to deliver pen pal letters to the animals at the zoo. Trina then claims that she's throwing an "animal costume party". Hmmm, I wonder if she's regretting getting her brother and his friends thrown in the zoo now...

When Nick arrives at the zoo, Corey begs him for help. Fortunately, Nick Mallory will do anything to help innocent bears, so he enlists the help of everyone who would otherwise be going to Trina's party to stage a protest. Again, this makes Trina, who's dressed as a unicorn now, MAD!

Your Pinkie Pie costume needs work, Trina.

Now there's a big crowd outside Grojband's enclosure chanting "FREE THE GRIZZLIES! FREE THE GRIZZLIES!" Trina shows up and tries to get Nick's attention, only to grab the attention of the Mayor - and y'know how he mentioned buying a diamond-encrusted unicorn cage earlier? Let's just say that Trina is about to learn a thing or two about karma...

Ha ha, serves her right.

Now that there's a crowd AND a unicorn at the zoo, it won't go bankrupt. Trina starts writing in her diary again, and once it falls into Corey's hands... er, paws... Grojband has the lyrics for a new song, inspiring the protesters to free all the animals... all the wild, very angry animals. Hundreds are injured. Trina, meanwhile, gets a happy ending even though she doesn't deserve one by hooking up with a hunky kangaroo. The heck?

What's the Verdict?

Y'know, this was actually kind of good. The animation is decent, there's some genuinely funny jokes... I do have two complaints, though. For one, the characters aren't super-interesting. Most of them basically have one personality trait and that's it. Problem number two, I would've liked some more music in a show about a rock band. But all in all, I found Grojband a surprisingly fun show, certainly better than other Canadian Flash-animated cartoons I've looked at like Sidekick and Scaredy Squirrel.

If you'd like to watch Grojband for yourself, you can find episodes on YouTube, Dailymotion, and the Internet Archive. Good thing, too, because apparently the only DVD releases were in Australia. Even the cartoon's own country doesn't get the episodes on DVD? I'm not sure what sense that makes...

Let's Watch This: An Episode of "Invasion America"

This has been on my "to review" list for a long time. When you think of DreamWorks shows, you probably think of the ones spun-off from their animated movies, don't you? The Penguins of Madagascar, the various Kung Fu Panda shows, Turbo F.A.S.T., etc.? But, before DreamWorks made a name for themselves doing CGI animated movies with pop culture references and celebrity voices, they dipped their toes into cartoon series. Their first cartoon, Toonsylvania, aired on Fox Kids. Their second cartoon is the one that we'll be looking at today: a little show called Invasion America.

This show was created by Harve Bennett (of Star Trek fame) and Steven Spielberg himself, who also served as executive producers, and served as a way for The WB to cash in on the success of The X-Files. Television executives, it would seem, agreed with that pigeon from Bolt...

The show's plot? In the 1980s, an alien named Cale-Oosha (voiced by Lorenzo Lamas), the ruler of a planet called Tyrus, believes that his uncle the Dragit (Tony Jay) wants to establish contact with the people of Earth. But the Dragit actually wants to invade Earth and conquer those puny Earthlings because of course he does. Cale refuses to do that, and a civil war gets started. Eventually Cale and his bodyguard Rafe (Edward Albert) escape to the Utah desert and meet a human woman named Rita (Kath Souice). After living on Earth for a few years, Cale returns to Tyrus. In the present day, the Dragit finds Rita and her young son David (Mikey Kelley) and all sorts of chaos ensues.

The original plan was for Invasion America to air on Kids' WB, but it was deemed too dark and violent for kids, so The WB aired it in prime-time. It premiered on June 8th, 1998... and promptly got cancelled after thirteen episodes because most people were going on vacation in the summer instead of watching television. To this day, the show hasn't gotten a single home video release, nor is it available on any streaming services.

Did Invasion America deserve to fail? Let's find out, shall we? Since this show has an overarching plot, I figured I should probably review the first episode, "The Legend", so I have some sort of idea what's going on. This is Invasion America!

The episode starts off in the scenic Utah Badlands. Just as the sun sets and night falls on the Beehive State (nicknamed that because the early pioneers that lived there considered themselves as hardworking as bees... hey, if I can't be funny, I should at least try to be educational), a helicopter appears, taking photos of random animal bones it can find. Eventually, it lands in front of a cave, and out step Major Phillip Stark (Greg Eagles) and Sergeant Angie Romar (Kristy McNichol), who meet up with a guy voiced by Jim Cummings (which automatically makes the show more awesome) who's checking out a dinosaur skeleton... or at least what LOOKS LIKE a dinosaur skeleton. I think the indication is that it's actually the skeleton of an alien that resembles a dinosaur. Say, wasn't there an episode of Chip and Dale Rescue Rangers with dinosaurs that were actually aliens? Maybe this fossil is of a dinosaur from that planet.

Before we can get any more information about this mysterious fossil, we cut to Glenport, Massachusetts. It's here that we meet our main character, David. As he does some nifty gymnastics, his inner monologue tells us that he's always been a loner, different from the other kids, and he doesn't know why. Probably because main characters of cartoons that happen to be teenagers are social outcasts more often than not. It's kind of a rule.

Maybe the other kids are just jealous of his epic gymnastics skills.

David's pal Jim (Rider Strong) enters and after some banter between them, they go for a motorcycle ride through the country. David's driving, even though five seconds ago he claimed that he isn't allowed to take Driver's Ed. Isn't that illegal?

"Getcha motor runnin', head out on the highway..."

Apparently it is, because a police car starts chasing after them, and David pulls over. Nah, I'm just kidding, he keeps going and we get a chase sequence. Because David is COOOOOOOOOOL, and COOOOOOOOOOOOL teenagers have no respect for the law. Just ask Jim Hawkins from Treasure Planet.

Of course, Sheriff Oozes Awesomeness here doesn't agree.

"My large forehead does not approve of this situation."

David reveals that this sheriff's name is Rafe... say, isn't Rafe also the name of Cale-Oosha's aforementioned bodyguard? I wonder if this guy is secretly an alien. Considering that after his little confrontation with David he wonders how long he can keep "this secret" from him, I'm gonna go out on a limb and say "yes".

It's flashback time! Seventeen years earlier, we see a spaceship painted the same colors as a Coca-Cola advertisement flying through space. Inside the spaceship are all these humanoid figures speaking in a weird made-up language. Fortunately, there are subtitles. Unfortunately, they're in Spanish, so I still have no idea what the humanoids are saying.

I'll have to make up my own translations. I'm going to assume that "Dragit, prepardos
para lanzamiento a Tierra." is Spanish for "Dragit, I look like a girl."

Actually, according to Google Translate, it's Spanish for "Dragit, ready for launch to Earth."

The spaceship unleashes these smaller red spaceships that head for Earth. Then it's revealed that the aliens CAN speak English... or, as they call it, "Earth-Speak". Two of the aliens are Cale-Oosha and the Dragit, and they're talking about how they're going to visit the Dragit's Earth facility. Rafe is there, too, and he gives Cale a magic glowing glove "to remind [his] uncle that [he] is the ruler".

"I love the Power Glove. It's so bad."

At that very moment, a blonde-haired woman is driving around the Utah Badlands in a Jeep, and she winds up being a front-row spectator of one spaceship's landing at the Earth facility. The aliens on board are greeted by Tyrusian air force general Colonel Konrad (Leonard "Mr. Spock" Nimoy), who takes Cale on a tour of the place... and promptly lets it slip that they're getting ready for "the invasion" and that the Dragit (not just ANY Dragit, THE Dragit) gave them the order to do that.

Why does the Dragit want to invade the Earth? Because he thinks Earthlings are a threat to the Tyrusians. "Earth is a war-like planet with weapons of mass destruction," he claims. "Most of which are in this place called 'America'. The only thing Americans respect is superior force. We will use this place to support such a force."

Honestly, Cale should've known that the Dragit was evil. Those eyebrows totally
give it away.

The Dragit goes all Mark Zuckerberg and insists that they need to expand, but Cale declares, "There will be no invasion." But the Dragit and his minions aren't going to just abandon those invasion plans so easily, and if that means committing treason, they're okay with that. It's not even treason, the Dragit claims, it's revolution. Totally different.

"For the revolution!"

"For the revolution!"

"For the revolution!"

"For the revolution!"

"For the revolution!"

"For the revolution!"

"For the revolution!"

"For the evolution! Uh, I mean, revolution..."

"Dang it, Steve, we rehearsed this ten times!"

The laser guns start a-blasting and eventually Cale and some other invasion-hating Tyrusians make a run for it. Cale and Rafe manage to escape in one of the smaller ships (which repeatedly switched back and forth between 2D and early 1990s CGI, distractingly enough), but they're not out of the woods yet. They still have to deal with... pausing for dramatic effect... the MANGLERS!

What are the Manglers? Well, if you stuck the Xenomorph from Alien and the velociraptors from Jurassic Park in a blender, a Mangler is probably what you'd get. I imagine that the Dragit wanted to use them are part of his invasion plan - Earthlings are probably powerless against these ferocious sharp-toothed beasts. Then again, if we could domesticate wolves and make dogs, maybe we could domesticate these guys too?

They really don't like being compared to Xenomorphs, as Cale and Reif learned the
hard way.

Cale is rescued by the blonde-haired woman in the Jeep, whereas Rafe is cornered on the top of a building by the Manglers - at least until he jumps off and blows the place sky-high. As for Cale and the blonde-haired woman, they wind up making a helicopter explode. The Dragit and Konrad believe that they destroyed Cale. I bet when he eventually ruins their plans for invasion, they're gonna feel really stupid.

Cale and the blonde-haired woman take refuge in a cave, where Cale reveals to her that he's an alien... and the blonde woman reveals that her name is Rita. Romantic music starts up... oh jeez, is this going where I think it's going? Is Cale actually David's father?

"Fun fact: Mars isn't the only planet that needs women..."

Well, before any Tyrusian mating rituals can get started, a Mangler shows up and attacks Cale. This is where that magic glove Rafe gave Cale earlier comes in handy (no pun intended). It has some sort of weird Mangler-KOing powers.

And guess what? Rafe is alive!

Rafe's voice informs us that in the days ahead, Rita would become a guide to Cale... and a friend... and much more. Yes, it turns out that Cale and Rita DID wind up having a kid together. I was initially disappointed that they made the main aliens in the show just look like humans, but honestly, if they were going to have one of them marry a human being I think that might've been for the best.

I mean, could you imagine if Rita wound up marrying and having a kid with, I dunno,
Roger from American Dad? THERE'S a creepy mental image...

Alas, Cale is eventually needed back on Tyrus, which means he must leave his wife and son - otherwise, when the Dragit finds them, they'll be in great danger. We end on two creepy guys watching them from the shadows as the words "To Be Continued..." appear on the screen. Maybe I'll review the second episode of the show, maybe I won't. For now, I'll have to leave the review on a cliffhanger. Sorry...

What's the Verdict?

This was good. I legitimately thought this was good. Decent animation, great voice acting, genuine suspense and drama... this show had the potential to be a big hit!

So why wasn't it a big hit? Well, for one thing, airing it during the summer was probably a bad idea. There's a reason why new seasons of TV shows start up in autumn - people are more likely to be home and watching television regularly when the weather gets chillier (though apparently this began because it helped automobile advertisers promote their new car models). Of course, there are a lot of cartoons that premiered BEFORE fall and were huge hits - Futurama first premiered in March, SpongeBob SquarePants and Family Guy in May, and Cow and Chicken in July - so there had to be another reason. My theory? Maybe the world just wasn't ready for a serious animated show yet. Look at most of the cartoons that aired in prime time during the 1990s: most if not all of them were comedic. Everyone wanted to cash in on the success of The Simpsons, which was a comedy, so they made comedic cartoon shows. This didn't always work either (see also Capitol Critters), but most cartoon shows in the 1990s as a whole were humorous by nature. The only cartoon shows from the 1990s I can think of that took themselves seriously were superhero cartoons, which I imagine became popular because people already knew and loved the main characters from comic books and movies.

If Invasion America premiered nowadays, where more serious cartoons are beloved BECAUSE they take themselves so seriously, I think it would be a bigger hit. But alas, as is it's just a cartoon that could've been something great if people just gave it a chance. Who knows? If the show had been more successful, maybe it could've had a big impact on animated shows as a whole. Food for thought.