Let's Watch This: An Episode of "Grojband"

NOTE: Please do not take any of the little nitpicks in this review (or any of my other reviews, for that matter) seriously. I write these reviews in the hopes of making people laugh. Those nitpicks are really just dumb little observations that I'm attempting to make jokes out of, not complaints that add to whether or not I like something.

Grojband (say the name out loud and tell me what it sounds like) is a Canadian cartoon produced by Fresh TV, the same guys who do the seemingly endless parade of Total Drama shows (note to self: review Total Drama Island at some point), and animation company Neptoon Studios. In fact, the founders of Neptoon Studios, Todd Kauffman and Mark Thornton, are the show's creators.

The premise? A thirteen-year-old by the name of Corey Riffin (voiced by Lyon Smith) starts a band called (what else?) Grojband with his three best friends: the tomboyish Laney Penn (Bryn McAuley) and non-identical twin brothers Kin (Sergio Di Zio) and Kon Kujira (Tim Beresford). Problem is, Corey's not great at thinking up lyrics for their songs. What to do? Easy - they get Corey's older sister Trina (Alyson Court) worked up so she can get all emotional and write her thoughts down in her diary, then secretly take inspiration from the diary entries to whip up a new song! This might sound awful to you, but Trina is a jerk so you probably won't feel sorry for her.

The show aired on Teletoon in Canada and on Cartoon Network in the U.S. It only received twenty-six episodes, but does have a cult following - just look at how long its TV Tropes page is! I've never seen a single episode, of course, but I think it's obscure enough for me to do a review of it. Which episode should I review? Judging from the show's Wikipedia page, there are plenty of really out there episodes that would make for great reviewing material... maybe the one where they run into pirates? The one where Corey buys a new guitar which happens to be evil? The one where Kon for some reason comes to the conclusion that he's a dog? So many choices... I know. I'll do a review of the seventh episode, which consists of the segments "Creep Away Camp" and "Zoohouse Rock". This is Grojband!

Our first segment starts off with Corey, Laney, Kin, and Kon arriving at Camp Screamley, a campground full of bats, alligators swimming in murky green water, and jack-o-lanterns... which I guess means this is a Halloween episode. I guess it's kind of silly, in that case, that I'm reviewing it a month after Halloween, but y'know what, I'm okay with that.

Kin is the skinny twin with the glasses, Kon is the fat one with the freakishly large
head. Remember that now.

Every year, Corey explains, kids come from miles around to be traumatized by the "Acoustic Combat Creepshow", a battle of the bands to decide "the best campfire scare-band". Corey is determined to have THEIR band be the winner. There's just one problem: Trina is a camp counselor there, and she's of course going to use that to her advantage.

Accompanying Trina is Mina (Denise Oliver), her good-natured but spineless best friend/toady. Think of her as the Phoebe to her Helga, or the Marcie to her Peppermint Patty.

Fun fact about Trina: her hair is actually a wig made of bubble gum. That's why it's
pink.

Actually, there isn't just ONE problem, there's TWO problems. The other one is that the Newmans, Grojband's doppelganger gender-opposites, are also in the competition.

It was nice of the creators to save their fans the trouble of giving the characters the
Rule 63 treatment.

For those of you who don't know what Rule 63 is, Google it. Don't worry, it's not disgusting.

"You brought us to a camp where your sister is the boss of us AND we have to compete against our mortal enemies?!" Laney demands. "Well, it doesn't sound as good when you say it out loud..." Corey says sheepishly, but he's confident that their scary campfire song is gonna toast the Newmans' like a marshmallow... crap, now I'm craving a s'more and I'm writing this review at 9:47 in the morning. But since Trina is the... judge, I guess, beating the Newmans is going to be very, very hard.

In fact, according to Mina, Trina signed them up to be counselours at this camp just so she could destroy Corey and his band... and also because she wants to get close to a hunky kid named Jeremy... I mean, Gill... I mean, Nick Mallory (Graeme Cornies) who also happens to be a lifeguard there.

For some reason, I really struggled not to make comparisons to Candace from Phineas and Ferb
with Trina, mainly because she's really not that similar to Candace.

To beat the Newmans, Grojband must enlist the help of Blade Stabbington. Who is Blade Stabbington? According to Corey, he's the "campfire metal master", and he can turn any cheery kids' song into a pile of nightmares. His work includes such classics as "The Enormous, Multiple-Eyed Spider Crawled Up the Camper's Back", "If You're Possessed and You Know It, Spin Your Head", and "Mary Had a Little Lamb... Who Happened to Be a Vampire".

Legend has it that Blade established a campground just like the one they're at now, in a spooky forest near a swamp, and he lives in a creepy old lighthouse. Corey's plan is to find Blade, have him scare Trina so bad that her brains leak out her nose and into her diary to give them lyrics for a spine-tingling campfire song. It's foolproof!

For those unaware, Laney's voice actress, Bryn McAuley, was also the voice of Caillou at
one point. Yep, Laney is Caillou. Wrap your head around THAT one...

And wouldn't you know it, they find Blade Stabbington... who turns out to be a mild-mannered British-accented chap in a pink apron. He's a gardener now. Maybe he can whip up a song about evil posies.

"A very merry Unbirthday to you all!"

Apparently, as time went on Blade found it harder and harder to scare kids, presumably because the world is so scary already (Donald Trump is our president again, for crying out loud!). But Corey gives Blade an inspirational speech and he agrees to help them out - right after a training montage.

Oh, and did I mention his pet rat? He has a pet rat. Who bites Laney's face at one point. Ouch.

I sure hope he's not rabid...

Meanwhile, Trina is making plans to have Nick fall madly in love with her (because she's such a catch, isn't she?) via a romantic boat ride. And instead of having one of them just row the boat themselves, Trina forces Mina to get in the water and push the boat. Unfortunately for Trina, there are no singing crabs around to set the mood, so her chances of getting a kiss from Nick are preeeeeeeeeeeeeetty small.

I love the bored expression on his face.

Trina's attempt at wooing Nick is interrupted by the arrival of Blade and Grojband, who give Mina a scare - resulting in her jumping into Nick's arms, much to Trina's fury. She angrily tackles Blade and they both fall into the water. When Trina emerges, she looks like this:

A scene from the little-known sequel to The Creature From the Black Lagoon - The Teenage
Daughter of the Creature From the Black Lagoon.

Mina and a taco-craving Nick flee, and Trina is so enraged that she decides to write about it in her diary.

"Dear diary: I HAVE BEEN POSSESSED BY THE DEVIL!"

After a frog emerges from Blade's lungs and warns the others not to go in there (it makes sense in context. Kind of), Grojband totally creams the Newmans and their weak song about clown ghosts who are also dentists. Blade decides afterward to return home to the "terror nebula"... yes, Blade turns out to be an alien, and his lighthouse is a rocket ship. Okay then...

Wait, Corey and his pals got their song lyrics from what Trina wrote in her diary after her attempt at getting a kiss from Nick failed. But the song's lyrics were all about nightmares and gloom and stuff. Trina wrote all that in her diary? I would've expected her to write "Dear diary: I signed up to be a camp counselor because hunky Nick Mallory is working as a lifeguard at the very same camp, but my attempt at making him fall madly in love with me failed because a crazy Mad Hatter lookalike popped up and tried to scare us, then after I tackled him we fell into the lake and I emerged looking like a swamp monster. Also, Nick might actually be in love with Mina."

Is the "fear nebula" where Donald Trump is from, too? It would explain so much...

Next segment!

"Zoohouse Rock" starts with Kin and Kon creating a "mus-sage chair", a massage chair made from speakers and amplifiers that apparently both creates music AND gives you a massage at the same time. When Kin attempts to use it, however...

Wah wah wah wah waaaaaaaaaaaaaaah...

Then who should show up but... a bear! Oh, wait, it's not a real bear, it's just Corey in a bear costume. I didn't know Corey was a Furry.

...not that there's anything WRONG with being a Furry. I'm not judging anyone who's into this sort of thing.

"Can you believe the Country Bears rejected my audition?!"

Why is Corey dressed like a bear? Well, the other day, they were all talking about potential costumes for the band... Kin and Kon's idea was to wear hats that matched their socks, but Corey thinks it would be a much better idea for them to all dress like Yogi's relatives. There have been tons of huge animal costume acts, after all... Porka Polka (two pigs in lederhosen), for example!

You can't fool me - those are actual pigs, not people in costumes. Everybody knows
that pigs love polka music.

Laney isn't thrilled by the idea of dressing as C-Bear's rock group, but then Corey offers her a bear hug... because of course Laney is into Corey. If you're the best friend of a cartoon show's main character and you're the opposite gender of them, you have to be in love with them. It's Cartoon Rule Number 5.

I guess you could say that she just can't BEAR to say "no" to Corey. Get it? Can't
BEAR to? I amuse myself...

So now Grojband's members are all wearing bear costumes! Now they can join the ranks of such beloved bear musicians as the Country Bears and the Michael Jackson Bear from The Twelve Days of Christmas! Why, they'll be playing in Woodland Valley before they know it!

Y'know what they should call themselves? The Teddy Grahams. That sounds like a good
name for a band.

Their practicing is interrupted by who else but Trina, who unplugs their instruments and tells them that they're playing so loud Mina can't hear herself think when she tells her to think. She also says that she's having a party that night and that they're gonna have to clear out the garage, but Corey is all "No way! This is OUR garage too, so you're just gonna have to put up with us." This makes Trina MAD!

While she and Mina are trying to think of a way to save their party from Grojband's presence, Trina overhears the mayor of their town (Kedar Brown) lamenting that nobody goes to the local zoo anymore because the animals there are "boring". If they can't find a way to boost admission, the zoo will go bankrupt - he never should've bought that diamond-encrusted unicorn cage. This gives Trina an idea...

Huh. She really HAS been possessed by the Devil...

She calls up the mayor and tells him that she just so happens to have music-playing bears in her garage. Yes, Trina just sold four human beings - one of them being her BROTHER - to a zoo. I think even Lucy Van Pelt would draw the line at doing that to Linus...

And where the heck are Corey and Trina's parents? Don't they have any say in this?

Heck, where are Laney's parents? Or Kin and Kon's? Do they know their children have
basically been abducted by the mayor?

After Grojband is thrown in a cage at the zoo, Corey tries to explain to the mayor that they're not actually bears, but he doesn't believe them. And apparently the mayor is a total idiot, because he doesn't find it at all weird that these "bears" can talk (we did see a talking frog in the previous segment, so maybe all animals can talk in this world?). Nor does he notice the faces of human children sticking out of the bears' mouths.

"These living conditions are unBEARable!"



Sorry, I couldn't help myself...

"I s'pose you're all wearing people costumes under your bear skins!" the mayor quips, leading Kon to believe that under their "people skin", they're actual bears (clearly Kon isn't exactly the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree either). He promptly unzips his "people skin" to make sure... disturbing, but it confirms that he's not in fact a bear wearing a person costume under a bear costume.

The mayor orders them to start playing their instruments and saving their zoo, or else he'll have their heads mounted to a wall. Also very disturbing, even without taking into account that these are teenagers he's talking to.

"This is not our kind of gig! We've gotta get these costumes off!" Corey declares. Complicating things is the presence of an actual blue-furred bear, who starts growling when he sees Corey try to remove his costume. Why is the bear blue? I don't know, why is Eek! the Cat purple?

Tummi Gummi went down a dark path after The Adventures of the Gummi Bears.

Kin announces that he's got a crazy plan that just might work, to which the bear says "Oh no he di-in't!". Ah, so THAT'S why the mayor didn't question the bears being able to talk - bears CAN talk in this world!

Kin sticks some Not-Mentos into the lock on the cage, then pours soda on the Not-Mentos, hoping for an explosion. It doesn't work - if only they could reach the other vending machine at the zoo... it gives out crowbars. Meanwhile, Trina and Mina are getting ready for their party. Nick Mallory shows up and tells them he can't come to the party because he has to deliver pen pal letters to the animals at the zoo. Trina then claims that she's throwing an "animal costume party". Hmmm, I wonder if she's regretting getting her brother and his friends thrown in the zoo now...

When Nick arrives at the zoo, Corey begs him for help. Fortunately, Nick Mallory will do anything to help innocent bears, so he enlists the help of everyone who would otherwise be going to Trina's party to stage a protest. Again, this makes Trina, who's dressed as a unicorn now, MAD!

Your Pinkie Pie costume needs work, Trina.

Now there's a big crowd outside Grojband's enclosure chanting "FREE THE GRIZZLIES! FREE THE GRIZZLIES!" Trina shows up and tries to get Nick's attention, only to grab the attention of the Mayor - and y'know how he mentioned buying a diamond-encrusted unicorn cage earlier? Let's just say that Trina is about to learn a thing or two about karma...

Ha ha, serves her right.

Now that there's a crowd AND a unicorn at the zoo, it won't go bankrupt. Trina starts writing in her diary again, and once it falls into Corey's hands... er, paws... Grojband has the lyrics for a new song, inspiring the protesters to free all the animals... all the wild, very angry animals. Hundreds are injured. Trina, meanwhile, gets a happy ending even though she doesn't deserve one by hooking up with a hunky kangaroo. The heck?

What's the Verdict?

Y'know, this was actually kind of good. The animation is decent, there's some genuinely funny jokes... I do have two complaints, though. For one, the characters aren't super-interesting. Most of them basically have one personality trait and that's it. Problem number two, I would've liked some more music in a show about a rock band. But all in all, I found Grojband a surprisingly fun show, certainly better than other Canadian Flash-animated cartoons I've looked at like Sidekick and Scaredy Squirrel.

If you'd like to watch Grojband for yourself, you can find episodes on YouTube, Dailymotion, and the Internet Archive. Good thing, too, because apparently the only DVD releases were in Australia. Even the cartoon's own country doesn't get the episodes on DVD? I'm not sure what sense that makes...