Let's Watch This: "The Twelve Days of Christmas" (1993)

I like to think that the folks at Goodtimes Entertainment came up with this by asking "Hey, which Christmas song DOESN'T have an animated special based on it yet?".

Now, if the name Goodtimes Entertainment sounds familiar to you, it probably should - their biggest claim to fame is releasing knockoffs of beloved Disney movies, outsourcing the animation to companies like Golden Films and Jetlag Productions. Most of the stuff Phelous has reviewed, they had a hand in. In 1993, Disney even sued Goodtimes - even if these stories are in the public domain, it's obvious that Goodtimes was putting them out in the hopes that they could trick some schmuck into purchasing their Beauty and the Beast VHS under the impression that it's the Disney version. Aside from the Disney cash-grabs, they're also the folks responsible for that OTHER beloved animated adaptation of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (the one with the Eric Idle-voiced fox).

This special, which according to TV Tropes aired on NBC in 1993, is more subtle with its pilfering from Disney... they've never done a movie based on "The Twelve Days of Christmas", but a lot of the character designs are clearly copied from TaleSpin. Like, I don't think it's a coincidence that one of those bears looks a lot like Baloo. The special's director, Masaki Izuka, was the associate producer on several Rankin-Bass productions, such as Jack Frost, their adaptation of The Hobbit, and Rudolph and Frosty's Christmas in July. One of the special's writers, Romeo Miller, also worked with Rankin-Bass a lot, writing a good chunk of their iconic Christmas specials - Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and Frosty the Snowman were both his handiwork. The special's other writer, Glenn Leopold, has worked on stuff like The Snorks, Shirt Tales, and various Scooby-Doo productions.

The other interesting thing about this special? I'm actually doing a review of it before The Island of Misfit Christmas Specials did. That's such a rare occurrence, isn't it? Let's get started!

The special starts off in a library all decked out for the holidays. The partridge ornament on the top of the tree comes to life and starts yammering in a cockney British accent. She's going to be our narrator.

Why does she have a pineapple on her head?

The partridge (voiced by Marcia Savella) pulls out a book called The Twelve Days of Christmas and opens it up to a page with an illustration of a castle. I like how the castle has a giant "C" built into the exterior, presumably because it's the castle of the brave and fearless knight Sir Carolboomer and he wanted everyone to know it. Look, there's even a bunch of flags with a "C" on them, just in case it wasn't obvious enough.

This castle has been brought to you by the letter "C".

Inside the castle, Baloo... I mean, uh, Sir Carolboomer (voiced by Larry Kenney) is vomiting out exposition to his lackey, Hollyberry (voiced by Phil Hartman). He's a Zapp Brannigan-esque arrogant idiot, and he has the hots for the princess of... whatever the name of this kingdom is, Princess Silverbell. He can't understand why she hasn't given him her hand (shouldn't that be PAW, since they're bears?) in marriage yet. Hollyberry says that the princess is very moody.

Sir Carolboomer hasn't quite gotten the hang of the DreamWorks Face.

Then we actually get to see Princess Silverbell (Donna Vivino), who tears up another proposal from Carolboomer and says she's waiting for a guy who can make her laugh. Well, if THAT's the case, do I have the bear for her!

But Carolboomer has a plan to have Silverbell fall head over heels in love with him by Christmas - he'll give her everything her heart desires. He tells Hollyberry to go to the palace and find Silverbell's Christmas list, subjecting him to WHACKY SHENANIGANS as he does so.

Coincidentally, in the castle, Silverbell has just completed her list. She heads off to the throne room to give it to her father, but first she stops at the royal puzzle-maker's chambers, to get the answers to this week's crossword puzzle (her father HATES being stumped). He hands her a scroll that looks exactly like the one she wrote her Christmas list on... gee, I sure hope this won't result in a mix-up!

Hollyberry snatches one of the scrolls. Now, I'll give you one guess as to which scroll he took. Was it Silverbell's Christmas list or the crossword puzzle answers?

"At last, I've found the secret recipe for Gummiberry Juice!"

In the throne room, the king (Earl Hammond) is very confused by the answers that he's been given. A book of poems? A box of paints? A sundial? Those aren't the crossword puzzle answers, they're things that Silverbell wanted for Christmas! Which means - you guessed it - that what Hollyberry has in his paws is not her Christmas list but rather the crossword puzzle answers! I sense the ensuing of hilarity on the horizon!

Incidentally, with his white beard and red coat the king kind of looks like Santa Claus. I wonder if that was intentional, what with this being a Christmas special and all...

"Let's see... 'a company known for producing knockoffs of Disney movies.' Nine letters. Starts
with a 'G'. I should know this one..."

Sure enough, Carolboomer now has the crossword puzzle answers, all of which are the things mentioned in "The Twelve Days of Christmas". One partridge, two turtle doves, three French hens, etc. What kind of weird crossword puzzle WAS this? What, were the clues "The _________ Family (1970s sitcom)" and "A duo of half-bird half-reptile creatures"?

"By my sword! Princess Silverbell has some strange desires..." he muses before deciding that every day for twelve days, she must be brought a present from her list. He puts Hollyberry in charge of getting all those things, threatening him with his sword if he doesn't get them all. And so, one disturbing wild take later...

I think Hollyberry gets the point. Get it? POINT? 'Cause it's a sword, and it's pointy? I amuse myself...

Hollyberry sets out to get all the gifts. First, he finds that partridge in a pear tree, and delivers it to the princess along with some sheet music for "The Twelve Days of Christmas", so she can sing the lyrics as they're being delivered. So, wait, does the song already exist in this world and that's where the crossword-puzzle maker got the idea for the answers? Or did Carolboomer create the song himself? A bear wrote "The Twelve Days of Christmas"? Next you'll be telling me that an elf wrote "Jingle Bell Rock".

"I don't even LIKE pears!"

Silverbell rejects the gift, but Carolboomer isn't too phased when Hollyberry tells him that. He thinks she's just playing hard-to-get. Thus, he sends Hollyberry to find two turtle-doves, which he accomplishes and brings to Silverbell the next day. He also brings back the partridge, since the lyrics are "on the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me two turtle-doves AND a partridge in a pear tree". When you think about it, that means by the twelfth day of Christmas, whoever it was that's singing had twelve partridges in twelve pear trees. I sure hope they liked pears...

Oh, by the way, every time Hollyberry brings the princess a new gift, we cut to the king realizing that whatever the gift is = the answers to his crossword puzzle. Just in case you were wondering if he'd ever get that crossword puzzle done.

I kind of wish the animators had made the turtle-doves actual turtle/dove hybrid creatures. That
would've been amusing, even if it would've been scientifically inaccurate. Ah well...

"Tell Sir Carolboomer I am NOT impressed!" Silverbell snaps, but Carolboomer still doesn't get the hint. He tells Hollyberry (doesn't that sound like a girl's name?) that tomorrow he shall bring her THREE gifts... well, technically six: the partridge, the two turtle-doves, and the three French hens. So he finds three French hens, and you can tell they're French because they're eating French bread and what I assume is Escargot. Did he go all the way to France just for those hens? Wouldn't it be easier to just find some random chickens, slap berets on them, and SAY that they're French?

Is that CHOCOLATE-COVERED escargot? Sounds disgusting, but so does eating snails as a whole...

Hollyberry gets the hens to come with him by dressing like Bert from Mary Poppins and speaking in a French accent. He brings them to Silverbell, but she continues to be unimpressed, even with the accompaniment of a bear doo-wop band. Nor is she impressed by the four calling birds he brings the next day.

"I snatched them from the Enchanted Tiki Room. I know stealing from Disney is risky, but
hey, this IS a Goodtimes production..."

Next up are the five golden rings (ba-dum-bum-bum) and fortunately there just so happens to be a giant wearing five golden rings (ba dum-bum-bum) nearby. To get to the giant, Hollyberry must climb a large beanstalk. Fairy tale references, nyuck nyuck nyuck. Weirdly enough, the giant is human - or at least human-like, the only human-like being in a special otherwise populated by anthropomorphic bears and talking birds. Does that mean humans still exist in this world? Is this just a bears-only kingdom?

Okay, so Hollyberry winds up getting injured, but he manages to get the rings and bring them to Silverbelly. She's actually impressed... until he brings out the birds. Regardless, Carolboomer thinks they're getting somewhere.

Incidentally, I already said that Carolboomer looks like Baloo, but now that I think about it, he also kind of looks like Tummi Gummi. So that's TWO Disney characters whose designs Goodtimes pilfered.

Of course, Disney DID recycle Baloo's design themselves for Little John in Robin Hood and the
bear in Bedknobs and Broomsticks...

The next day, Silverbell is visited by a bear who's a parody of Michael Jackson. I did not make that up. He's there not only to fill the "1990s Christmas special pop culture reference" quota, but also to tell her that Hollyberry's bringing her six geese-a-laying. One of them lays an egg - which Silverbell promptly pelts at Hollyberry. I don't know whether or not I love or hate the fact that this special has a Michael Jackson Bear in it.

Although I don't think Michael Jackson ever wore such puffy sleeves...

Then it's a bear barbershop quartet showing up in the castle to announce that Hollyberry's bringing Silverbell seven swans-a-swimming in an inflatable kiddie pool. She tells him that if he brings one more bird into her palace, she'll have his head cut off. I know she's allergic to feathers, but still... overreaction, much?

Hollyberry tells Carolboomer that he's throwing in the towel, mainly because he wants to keep his head. Carolboomer doesn't take it very well.

"Boo-Boo TOLD ME not to steal that pic-a-nic basket... 'Mr. Ranger isn't gonna like it,' he
said... why didn't I listen to him?"

Hollyberry is stuck between a rock and a hard place. If he goes back to the palace, Hollyberry chops his head off. If he doesn't, Carolboomer chops his head off. The partridge encourages him not to give up, mentioning that Silverbell wants someone to make her laugh. Say, if she's the narrator, does that mean she knows what Silverbell REALLY wants for Christmas? If so, why doesn't she fill Hollyberry in?

Well, anyhow, on the Eighth day of Christmas, Silverbell is visited by bear versions of... the Supremes? The Pointer Sisters? I'm not sure... and Hollyberry, bringing her eight maids-a-milking eight cows. Fortunately, she doesn't chop off his head - she just squirts him with milk straight from the cow's udder.

What does he bring her the next day? Nine drummers drumming. Natch.

All of whom look exactly alike. I wonder if they're clones...

Silverbell sends him flying, hoping that on the tenth day of Christmas she won't have to worry about any more stupid gifts. She is wrong.

Today's gift? Nine bagpipe-blowing bears (he couldn't find ten, so he had to fill in) and a bear version of Elvis. Okay, two things... one, bagpipe music and Elvis seems like a weird combination (maybe Elvis actually did play the bagpipes in his spare time, I don't know). Two, I thought it was "ten lords a-leaping", not ten bagpipers a-bagpiping.

Oh, let him be (oh, let him be) your teddy bear, Silverbell.

Only two days to go. Next gift on the list is eleven ladies dancing. Wait, wasn't it NINE ladies dancing and TWELVE drummers drumming?

Why am I suddenly reminded of the "Dance of the Hours" sequence from Fantasia?

All of a sudden, Silverbell is starting to warm up to Hollyberry, and Hollyberry is falling for the princess. Then she winds up getting knocked into the geese's nest and she hates his guts again. Wah wah wah wah WAAAAAAAAAAH...

One day left - the twelve lords-a-leaping (again, shouldn't it be TEN lords-a-leaping and twelve pipers piping?). So he heads to the "House of Lords" and gives the twelve lords in side new boots to wear... boots with chili pepper insoles. Once the insoles heat up, the lords start a-leaping. "Now that's a hot one!" Silverbell quips, sending her into hysterics. And remember how she wanted to marry someone who would make her laugh?

Wait, if she laughed at her own joke, does that mean she's going to marry herself?

"I know we haven't shared one second of screentime, but we are very much meant to be! Let's
get married!"

Carolboomer is all "Huzzah, I'm going to marry Silverbell!" to which Silverbell tells him that she's not in love with him, she's in love with Hollyberry. I think we all saw this coming a mile away.

"I think Rudolph's nose just exploded behind me!"

And that's how Hollyberry won the heart of a princess, with the help of bear versions of Michael Jackson and Elvis. As for Carolboomer, I think he went on to star in The Jungle Book 2.

What's the Verdict?

Considering Goodtimes' reputation, I wasn't expecting this to be very good. And, yeah, I wouldn't call it GOOD, but I wouldn't call it bad either. The ending is pretty abrupt, most of the jokes aren't funny, and the plot kind of drags. And, I gotta ask, why exactly ARE all the characters bears? I don't think they ever call attention to the fact that they're bears... you could've made them ANY type of animal (pigs, mice, gorillas, kinkajous, what have you) and it wouldn't have made a difference. Maybe Masaki Izuka just likes bears?

But like I said, it's not BAD. The animation is okay and the voice actors all do a fine job. Plus, it's hard for me to hate something that has a Michael Jackson Bear in it. It's just so corny, I can't help but not love that part. Would I reccommend watching it? Probably not, but as far as Christmas specials go, you could do a lot worse.

Here's an interesting fact for you - one of the voice actors in this special is Frank Simms, the voice of the Craver in the Honey Comb cereal commercials. This, combined with the fact that Carolboomer's voice actor, Larry Kenney, has also provided the voice of Count Chocola and Sonny the Cocoa Puffs Bird, makes me wonder what a Christmas special starring cereal mascots would be like. So long as it's not A Foodfight Christmas, it might be interesting...