Let's Watch This: "Jingle Bell Rock" (1995)

Well, it's that time of year again! The turkey has been eaten, the football has been watched, and the malls are filled to the brim with people taking advantage of Black Friday deals, so you know what that means... the holiday season has begun! Although to the majority of humanity, the holiday season began immediately after Halloween, but I prefer to wait until after Thanksgiving to start the Christmas reviews.

Some of the most iconic Christmas specials are based on pre-existing songs. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, Frosty the Snowman, Santa Claus is Comin' to Town... Jingle Bell Rock, on the other hand, is NOT one of the most iconic Christmas specials.

This special was produced by DIC Entertainment, and originally aired on ABC in December of 1995. Since then, it occasionally popped up on Toon Disney and was released on VHS twice. Its only DVD release was as part of a 2008 Christmas compilation by Shout! Factory, which also included the Christmas episodes of Bump in the Night and The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog. Today, it's one of those Christmas specials that very few have ever heard of. Which makes it perfect reviewing material for this blog!

So giddy-up, jingle horse, pick up your feet and... get it? I'm quoting lyrics from the song. Please laugh. I'm trying so hard.

The special starts off backstage at a show called Star Searchers. The show's producer, Jerry LaBello (voiced by Milton Berle), is bragging on the phone to somebody about how he saved Christmas. Ah, yes, I remember that beloved Christmas special where Jerry guides Santa's sleigh through a thick fog... oh, wait, that was Rudolph. Silly me.

I swear I've seen this exact same character design in another cartoon before... I can't
put my finger on which one, though...

Jerry did have a little help from an elf, though. That elf's name was Buddy...

No, no, not THAT Buddy. This Buddy, voiced by Samuel "Double D" Vincent, came to Hollywood with his two other elves named Art (Don Brown) and Richie (Brian Drummond). Maybe they heard Peter Jackson was gonna do an adaptation of Lord of the Rings and wanted to audition for it?

Richie sees a pair of hot girls and says, "How'd you like to deck the halls with THOSE?!". Hoo boy. Less than a minute in and they're already throwing a horny elf at us. That's not a good sign.

And how come Buddy's stuck carrying all the luggage? That seems a bit unfair...

Jerry explains that Buddy had wrote a song. It was called "Jingle Bell Rock". Yeah, that iconic Bobby Helms song was written by an elf. And here's another fun fact for you - a unicorn ghost-wrote War and Peace.

Actually, the story of how Jerry and Buddy saved Christmas starts off at the North Pole, where an accountant elf is telling Santa (Jay Brazeau) that he's bankrupt. This apparently stems from the fact that there are far, far more people on the nice list than the naughty list. In fact, the naughty list only has three people on it: a "H. Stern", a "D. Rodman", and a "B. Packwood". Apparently "B. Packwood" refers to Bob Packwood, an Oregon senator who did some particularly naughty things. I'm guessing that "H. Stern" refers to Howard Stern, but I don't know if he's ever done anything naughty. As for "D. Rodman"... honestly, I'm stumped. No idea who that's referring to.

So, first we have an elf making an innuendo, and then we have a pop culture reference that no one who was born after 1995 is going to get. Yep, this is one of THOSE 1990s Christmas specials...

Why do so many of the elves have purple skin? First Buddy, now this guy. Do the elves
hail from Bluffington or something?

Speaking of pop culture references, the accountant elf then claims that Santa is still giving presents to Madonna. Has Madonna ever done anything that should disqualify her from the nice list? Is that what the joke here is supposed to be?

"But that's what makes Christmas special," Santa insists. "You don't see the looks on peoples' faces when they open those presents... the joy it brings them..." But then the accountant elf complains that Santa should've "enforced his trademark". Now he's public domain. Question: what kid is going to understand any of this, or even be INTERSTED in it? Who sits down to watch a Christmas special and says, "You know what I hope this has? Santa's accountant nagging him about paying the bank and enforcing his trademark!"?

Meanwhile, Buddy is in the reindeer stables playing his electric guitar. I would like to point that Buddy's singing voice is provided by somebody who is clearly not Samuel Vincent and doesn't sound anything like him. I don't even know why they couldn't just have Samuel do the singing, considering I recall him doing a perfectly fine job singing as characters in Littlest Pet Shop and My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic. Heck, he even did Sonic the Hedgehog's singing voice in Sonic Underground.

Buddy's jam session is interrupted by Art summoning him to his office and yelling at him. "We don't need no more Christmas songs!" he barks. "If we did, Santa would ask the head of the music department - ME - for the new song!"

"WHY WEREN'T YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU AT ELF PRACTICE?!"

After that, Santa gathers all the elves and reindeer together to tell them that Christmas is in jeopardy. Unless he can find a way to restore their finances, he has no choice but to let them go. The elves will have to get jobs elsewhere, and there aren't that many job opportunities for elves. Then again, maybe Rice Krispies is hiring. Snap, Crackle and Pop could always use a fourth member of their group.

Actually, there WAS a fourth member of their group at one point. His name was Pow. No, really, look it up.

Quite a hairstyle Mrs. Claus has...

Buddy suggests to Art and Richie that they can help Santa by going out to earn some money in the real world. "I'm not gonna stand around here and watch Christmas disappear! I'm gonna do something!" he declares. Art initially dubs this a stupid idea, but then Richie jokingly brings up the possibility of Buddy actually saving Christmas and getting a big promotion and Art is all "Oh heck no! I'M gonna save Christmas and get that promotion!".

We then cut to Buddy pulling a gigantic sleigh stuffed with huge bags of... whatever it is those elves are bringing with them while Art and Richie just sit there in the sleigh being lazy. Some friends you've got there, Buddy. None of the reindeer were wiling to pull the sleigh for them? Did they even bother asking?

Buddy must be incredibly strong if he can pull that sleigh by himself.

Eventually they arrive in Hollywood... I sincerely hope that poor Buddy didn't have to pull that heavy sleigh all the way from the North Pole to California... and we get a repeat of the "Richie wants to 'deck the halls' with hot girls, if you know what I mean, wink wink, nudge nudge" joke. Because it wasn't disturbing enough the first time.

Oh, but that's not the ONLY joke about Richie being horny that they throw at us! He also opens up a magazine, faints upon seeing the centerfold, and says, "Huh-huh-huh! She'd get awfully cold at the North Pole!" Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew...

I'm just now noticing that Richie seems to have two pairs of eyebrows...

Side note, Buddy's guitar appears to be sentient. He calls it "Peggy Sue" and it looks like it has a face. I have many questions about this. However, I will be willing to let them go unanswered if Buddy goes all El Kabong on Art and whacks him over the head with it.

"I should've accepted that job with the shoemaker. He NEVER would've treated me
the way Art does..."

Art and Richie head to a motel. "It's gonna be eighty degrees above zero! Y'know, we've got a sauna down the hall, and the cable actually works! I could get used to Christmas like this!" Art says as he relaxes by the pool. Meanwhile, Horny Richie hits on a girl, but she fortunately isn't going to take his un-politically correct behavior lying down and squirts sunscreen in his face. She's also not too phased by the fact that there's, y'know, an ELF out and about. As for Buddy, he's out trying to sell his song, but he's not having much luck. That is, until he finds the building where Star Searchers is filmed and sees a sign reading "AUDITIONS TOMORROW" out front...

Art is on board with the audition, because he thinks it'll lead to him becoming famous and making mucho moolah. Oh, and there's another joke about Richie being horny. Is that just his shtick? That he's the elf equivalent of Howard Wolowitz?

"Giggity!"

While waiting in line, Buddy hears singing and discovers a redheaded girl sitting on a nearby bench. Her name is Holly (Kathleen Barr), and she's supposed to be auditioning for Star Searchers as well, but she's too nervous. "I love to sing, just not in front of people," she admits. But Buddy gives her a pep talk, and she decides to give it a try...

Calling it, this character's introduction is going to lead to another joke about Richie
being horny.

But as soon as she walks out on stage, she becomes nervous. So nervous, in fact, that her feet vanish!

Sorry, couldn't resist pointing out the animation error...

Then she imagines the two people in the audience - Jerry (remember him?) and his assistant (also Kathleen Barr) - in their underwear (don't worry, I'll spare you the screencap) and her stage fright vanishes. After her performance, Jerry, who is promptly revealed to be her uncle, immediately selects her for the show. Hooray for nepotism.

Now it's time for Buddy to audition, but before he can walk onstage, Art and Richie grab him and swipe his guitar. They've got their OWN Christmas song that they're gonna perform at the audition, and as far as they're concerned, Buddy is nothing more than their roadie. There's just one problem with this - they are awful musicians.

Like, even the parrot from Dehli Safari was a better singer than them.

Despite the fact that Art and Richie suck at music-making, Jerry actually selects them to be the final act for that night's show. Yes, really. Upon hearing this, Buddy decides to head home.

Back at the North Pole, the remaining elves are giving Santa and Mrs. Claus the money they have in the hopes that it'll help them pay the bank. Alas, it's not enough to save Christmas. But the accountant elf has another idea - turn Santa's village into a time-share!

I notice that the accountant elf seems to go back and forth between being purple and
having a normal skin color.

At the bus station, Buddy meets a boy (Eric Pospisil) who gives him his lucky baseball glove as a Christmas present. This reminds him that he came to Hollywood so he could SAVE Christmas, not give up on it. There's still time for him to help Santa. Problem is, that means helping Art and Richie.

So he heads back to the building where they're putting on Star Searchers and begs Art and Richie to perform his song instead of the cacophony of noise they did before. Art's response is to crumple it up and let the wind blow it away. Coincidentally enough, it winds up blowing right into Holly's room.

This looks really, really creepy out of context, doesn't it?

Holly tells Buddy that his song is the best Christmas song she's ever heard. "The WORLD should hear it!" she exclaims. She suggests that they sing it together on Star Searchers. So they go to tell Jerry about the song... only to overhear him talking on the phone about how Holly is sure to win because he intentionally picked the worst act ever (i.e. Art and Richie) to go up against her. Yes, Star Searchers is rigged.

"Didn't you think I was good enough to win on my own?!" Holly asks Jerry before storming out of his office. Art and Richie, who also overheard Jerry saying that they're horrible musicians, are also troubled by this turn of events... well, Art is, anyway. Richie is seemingly too stupid to realize they've been played for chumps. But then Art gets an idea...

His idea, as it turns out, is to use LIP-SYNCING. He hides a tape recorder that plays a beautiful cover of "Jingle Bells" in his guitar, and he and Richie lip-sync to it. The fiends!

Well, on the bright side, at least there haven't been any more jokes about Richie being horny...

While Tweedlescum and Tweedledimwit are performing, Buddy and a repentant Jerry try to get Holly to come out of her dressing room. "I've heard you sing and you've got real talent! It doesn't matter what your uncle did!" Buddy insists. But it seems futile, especially since Art and Richie apparently have it in the bag. Holly tells Jerry to let Buddy perform in her stead, but Buddy says he won't do it without her.

So they go out and perform "Jingle Bell Rock"...

Accompanied by musical notes obviously colored digitally and then superimposed onto
the animation cel, resulting in them sticking out like a sore thumb.

...and win the prize money. As for Art, he accidentally shows Jerry the tape recorder.

Busted.

Buddy and Holly make the cover of a magazine, perform in a gigantic arena filled with cheering people, release a hit single CD, film a music video, and even cause palm trees to start dancing! I didn't know you could do that.

All together now - MEH, STILL A BETTER LOVE STORY THAN BEE MOVIE...

Thanks to Buddy, Santa has the money to keep all the elves and un-cancel Christmas. Art is demoted to cleaning up the reindeer stables. Buddy becomes the head of the music department. And the special ends with the funniest joke in the whole thing - we see Jerry talking on the phone about how he saved Christmas, and when whoever's on the other end says that it sounds like he's taking too much credit, he just says, "That's what producers do." And then we get the credits for the executive producers. I see what they did there.

What's the Verdict?

Platypus Comix claimed in their review of the special that Jingle Bell Rock didn't become a big holiday hit because ABC only aired it once - and they ran it after a repeat of the Family Matters episode where Laura sees Urkel naked (something that I'm sure EVERYBODY wanted to see, right?). However, there's another reason why the special didn't catch on. That reason is, it's not very good.

I mean, it's not awful, but it's mediocre at best. It's one of those Christmas specials that tries to be "hip" and "modern" - you can tell it was made in the 1990s, because it features the same sort of humor that shows like Animaniacs made a popular thing in cartoons: dated pop culture references and characters being horny. Very few of the jokes are particularly funny. The characters aren't interesting, with Art in particular being incredibly grating. And I'm honestly not a fan of the super-angular art style. I highly doubt there was much demand for ABC to run it again even if they wanted to.

Incidentally, I looked the special up on IMDB and discovered that the special's three writers have some impressive things on their resume. Two of them, Cliff Ruby and Elana Lesser, worked on Balto and Cats Don't Dance. The other, Phil Harnage, was a story editor for Street Sharks. I'm not sure how getting three writers who clearly have talent together resulted in this lump of coal. Of course, I'm also not sure how getting John Vitti to write a Looney Tunes short resulted in Cock-a-Doodle-Duel...