Let's Watch This - An Episode of "Loonatics Unleashed"

Hoo boy. Readers, do I have a review for you today. Today I am doing a review of a show that is not exactly looked fondly upon.

Let me set the stage for you: it's the 2000s. Warner Bros. believes that the Looney Tunes aren't popular anymore (don't ask). Kids' WB is mainly focusing on action shows at the moment. And you know what cartoon is really popular? That Teen Titans show. Apparently, somebody said, "I know! What if we make the Looney Tunes popular again by making a Teen Titans knockoff starring the most popular Looney Tunes characters?"

And so, in 2005 a show called Loonatics Unleashed premiered. Even before the show came out, it had to put up with criticism, but that didn't stop Warner Bros. from crapping out two seasons of episodes starring the Loonatics. This is not a very well-liked show. There ARE fans of it, of course, but for the most part, it gets a lot of hate. So why am I sitting down to watch it? I don't know. Probably the same reason why I watched those awful Looney Tunes shorts that Larry Doyle produced a few years prior despite almost everybody online saying that they were awful (word of advice - do not watch those shorts. They suck).

The show's premise is this: it's the future, and a meteor strikes the planet of Acmetropolis (yeah...), releasing waves of supernatural energy that cause six teenagers to gain superpowers. These teenagers are the descendants of the most popular Looney Tunes characters. We have Bugs Bunny's descendant Ace Bunny (voiced by Charlie Schlatter), the leader of the team. Then there's Lola Bunny's descendant Lexi Bunny (voiced by Jessica DiCicco), whose purpose is to be Lola Bunny's descendant because Warner Bros. hadn't figured out by now that Lola Bunny does not need to be in everything Looney Tunes-related. There's Danger Duck (voiced by Jason Marsden), Daffy Duck's descendant who's basically just Daffy Duck in all but name. Slam Tasmanian (Kevin Michael Richardson) is the Tasmanian Devil of the group... and that's pretty much all there is to him. He's just Taz except he's purple. Wile E. Coyote's descendant, Tech E. Coyote (Kevin Michael Richardson as well) is the smartest member of the bunch. And then there's Rev Runner (Rob Paulsen), the Road Runner's descendant and the eccentric spazz of the team. Their boss is an alien named Zadavia (voiced by Candi Milo).

And on a side note, a recurring character is a guy named Mr. Leghorn, who I guess (I could be wrong, though) is supposed to be Foghorn Leghorn's descendant. Don't ask me why a rooster has a human for a descendant.

So, today I will be watching the first episode of the show - "Loonatics On Ice". Who knows, maybe I'll be pleasantly surprised...

The episode starts off with Acmetropolis suffering from a heatwave. Then a giant iceberg appears out of nowhere and freezes everything. After that, we cut to the Loonatics in their, uh, giant scepter-shaped tower thing.

What the heck is that thing even supposed to be?

Inside, Tech is eating frozen pizza. He asks Rev where he got it, and Rev reveals that his shtick is that he talks very, very fast. Fortunately, Bugs... I'm sorry, Ace heats up the pizza with his heat vision. Then Tech offers Daffy - uh, I mean, Danger some, but Danger doesn't want to become fat. After Lola, er, Lexi and Slam show up, Zadavia appears and tells the Loonatics that they've got a problem. I'll say they do - their show isn't funny or interesting in the slightest thus far.

I know he's supposed to be Daffy's descendant, but that doesn't mean they
simply HAD to just make him Daffy in all but name...

Here's a question: Ace is Bugs' descendant, while Lexi is Lola's. With that in mind, shouldn't they be siblings? Did Bugs and Lola just reproduce asexually or something? Maybe Lexi is actually descended from Buster and Babs, but I'm pretty sure she's supposed to be Lola's descendant.

"I think there's something wrong with the satellite dish..."

So, Ace (whose Brooklyn accent sounds most like a bad Australian accent than anything) asks Zadavia what the heck is going on. Zadavia informs them that the planet is facing a NEW Ice Age - as a matter of fact, it was, as this came out before Ice Age 2 was released. We get some unfunny jokes (Daffy... uh, I mean, Danger is worried that they'll lose cable, while Lola... I mean, Lexi complains that winter sweaters make her look fat. Nice to see your priorities are in check), and then Bugs... I mean, Ace tells Tech that they're gonna need some of his inventions. Tech gives them all these fire gun things.

"I don't know how this thing works, but I'm not afraid to use it!"

I suppose now is a good time to talk about the voice work in this show. I gotta hand it to Kevin Michael Richardson, because he's pretty unrecognizable as Tech. Jessica DiCicco and Rob Paulsen are pretty much just doing their usual thing, but I'm okay with that. Jason Marsden's voice for Danger sounds like a cross between Daffy and Max Goof. The only voice here I don't care for is Ace's - I swear that Charlie Schlatter was told to do an impression of Billy West's Bugs, and it sounds really awkward.

Anyhow, they fly over to the iceberg and try to thaw it but it doesn't work. So then they just have Slam fly around the thing multiple times and that melts it down and unfreezes everything. Daffy... I'm sorry, DANGER claims that he can do better and ends up stuck in the ice. Somehow. I don't know.

This is why most birds fly south for the winter.

Oh, and did I mention the one-liners? Because there are a lot of them. Tech says, "What wise guy moved Mount Everest?", then when they're about to thaw the iceberg Ace says, "Snow Cones for everyone!" And after Slam melts the iceberg, Ace says, "Heroes one, Mother Nature nothing!" If you thought Captain Planet and Rover Dangerfield's one-liners were annoying...

From out of the iceberg emerges... some kind of rocket ship, I think? And then from out of the ship emerge these, uh, robot vikings?

Because THIS is what I think of when I think of Looney Tunes.

So because Ace is Bugs minus all the charm, he asks the leader of the robot vikings, "What's up, doc?" The leader of the vikings (voiced by Tom Kenny) introduces himself as Gunnar, and Ace says ANOTHER one-liner: "Gunnar what, go to a vikings convention at the Pacific Center?" Gunnar is all, "NO, YOU IDIOT! WE'RE GONNA TAKE OVER YOUR WORLD!" and Ace just stands there smirking and continuing to make wisecracks, calling them "Frosted Flakes" and that "this is a no-invasion zone." At one point, he even pulls the "Duck season! Rabbit season! Rabbit season!" trick on Gunnar. I am not kidding. They're clearly trying to make Ace an "updated" Bugs, but instead he just comes across as a pale imitation. He's like one of those Sonic the Hedgehog knockoffs from the 1990s.

He even LOOKS like one of those Sonic the Hedgehog knockoffs from
the 1990s...

Anyhow, Bugs Minus All the Charm and Gunnar get into a swordfight, then Bugs Minus All Charm battles Gunnar's ice powers with his heat vision. But the robot vikings have ice hammers that magically create ice. Tech blathers on about how their weapons have some sort of science thing that can create ice or whatever (I honestly couldn't figure out what he was saying during this part) and the Loonatics end up getting frozen.

You know, if the real Bugs Bunny were up against evil robot vikings with ice-generating hammers, I bet he would have been able to outwit them no problem without getting frozen at any point. Just saying.

Gunnar, because he enjoys making annoying one-liners as well, announces, "LET'S PUT THIS CITY ON ICE!" and then he and the robot vikings start freezing up the city again. Fortunately, Daffy... I'm sorry, DANGER... manages to escape... somehow... I think he has teleportation powers... and then Slam manages to break them all out. Danger claims that he would've gotten them out himself if they'd just given him some time to think, to which Ace says, "We had SECONDS, not HOURS, Duck."

Soooooooo... seriously, if Ace and Lexi are descended from Bugs and Lola
respectively, why aren't they siblings?

So they walk around the city making MORE lousy one-liners ("I love what they've done with the place!" Ace says). They get a call from Zadavia, who tells them that these aren't NORMAL vikings - well, DUH - they came here from an inter-dimensional portal and blah-blah-blah. I know this is a nitpick, but isn't it kind of weird that an alien from outer space has a British accent?

Oh, and the robot vikings also have a GIANT ROBOT VIKING DRAGON SHIP with ice-breathing powers, too. Because OF COURSE they do.

And yet, this is STILL less cringe-worthy than My Generation G-G-Gap...

The team's jetpacks have been short-circuited by the ice, so Tech whips out his motorcycles for them to ride. His FLYING motorcycles, that is. They fly around the giant dragon viking ship robot thing allowing it to shoot ice at them until they run out of ammo, then go after them with a ship of their own. "You can say it. I'm a genius!" Tech tells Ace. Yes, but are you a SUPER-genius like Wile E. is? All signs point to "YES". In fact, I think Tech might be my favorite character here.

They try to shoot a torpedo at the vikings, but their ship can FLY, too (so, is this ship the rocket that they came in on?). Fortunately, Tech's ship can fly too. Yeah, I think it's pretty safe to say that this coyote is indeed a super-genius. Slam emulates Donkey Kong and throws Tech's gravity disk things at the Vikings, finally and I mean FINALLY taking them down.

Why do I get the feeling that the only reason the writers gave the Loonatics
motorcycles is that they think kids were still riding motorcycles in the 2000s?

So, as it turns out the vikings' power comes from the horns on their helmets. But apparently these aren't the real vikings, just... I don't know, duplicates of them or something? I honestly have no idea what the heck is going on...

"First we see 'em, now we DON'T! Dis game of Battleship has all been a big distraction!" Ace complains. Fortunately, Rev is somehow able to locate the actual vikings, who are heading for the planetary power grid. If they reach the power core, the planet gets frozen like an ice pop.

As the vikings approach the power core, Gunnar (couldn't you have at least made this guy act like the sort of villain that you'd actually, you know, FIND in a Looney Tunes cartoon?) announces, "LET THE ICE AGE BEGIN!" Apparently this guy got lessons in bad pun-making from Mr. Freeze.

"I AM GENERIC ICE-THEMED CARTOON SUPER-VILLAIN! I WILL
FREEZE THE ENTIRE PLANET BECAUSE THAT IS THE GOAL OF ALL
GENERIC ICE-THEMED CARTOON SUPER-VILLAINS!"

So they use their ice hammer things to freeze the power core. You'd think with how fast Rev is, he would've gotten there before they got the chance to do that, but ah well, the Loonatics show up and fight them while making MORE unfunny one-liners while Tech re-configures the vikings' machine thing to set the vikings on fire, unfreeze everything, and recharge the power core.

Y'know what I just realized? Has there ever been a cartoon short where Bugs
faced off against vikings? Did they ever make a cartoon like that?
If not, they should totally make a cartoon like that.

Back at the Titans' Tower... I mean, the Loonatics' tower thing, Zadavia praises Ace, Lexi, Rev, Tech and Slam for saving the day. Daffy... I mean, Danger is miffed that Zadavia praised everyone but him and complains about this to her, only for her to tell him that he can't change his name. And I will admit, the expression that he makes here IS kind of funny:

Danger realizes that he's in a lousy cartoon.

The end, thank goodness.

Is this show worse than Museum Scream and Cock-a-Doodle Duel? Well, I can't judge a show based on one episode (though I doubt that I'll be watching any of the other episodes since I didn't enjoy this one), so I can't answer that. But was this EPISODE worse than those shorts? Well, no. At least this didn't have a poop joke (I'm serious. Museum Scream had a poop joke. IN A LOONEY TUNE). But was it still bad? Yes, yes it was.

First problem - this show is a Looney Tunes show, and yet it's not funny. The only jokes here are all the painfully unfunny one-liners. Second problem - the characters are not interesting. The voice actors are all doing their best, but the characters themselves are just so BLAH. Their entire personalities can essentially be summed up as "They're Looney Tunes characters except they're also Teen Titans-esque superheroes". Ace is Bugs minus the charm, Lexi is Lola and there's nothing else to her, Danger is blatantly just Daffy except Daffy is funny whereas Danger is not, Slam is Taz in all but name... I admittedly kinda liked Tech, but I think that was mainly because of Kevin Michael Richardson's performance. And Rev is pretty much just there, he doesn't have much in the way of lines or do anything outside of fighting the villains (nice use of Rob Paulsen, guys!). Third problem - at its core, it's just a Teen Titans knockoff. And it's not even a very good one at that. There's no sense of FUN or WHIMSY or ANYTHING that made the Looney Tunes entertaining to watch. It's not the worst Looney Tunes-related thing that I've ever seen, but it's still pretty bad.

And just so we're clear - if you like this show, THAT IS FINE. Go ahead and like it! I'm not judging you! Just because I dislike it doesn't mean that I'm going to give people a hard time about liking it.

To close off this review, here's a picture that perfectly summarizes my reaction to this show:

Back to the Drawing Board - Disney Sequels That We Very Nearly Got

Okay, I know that in my most recent post I said that my next review would be of Loonatics Unleashed. But I didn't say that my next POST would be a review of Loonatics Unleashed. The review is coming, but first, here's another edition of Back to the Drawing Board, where we look at things that didn't even get a bit of test animation.

If you're a child of the 2000s, you're probably familiar with Disney's batch of direct-to-video sequels. From 1994's Aladdin 2: The Return of Jafar to 2008's The Little Mermaid 3: Ariel's Beginning, Disney released a ton of straight-to-DVD follow-ups to a good chunk of their animated films. Some of them even made it into theaters. Who cares if a film didn't need a sequel? It got one anyway. Now, some of these genuinely were pretty good...

But the ones that aren't good really are not good.

With all of the direct-to-video sequels that we DID get, it's interesting to look at a list of the ones that didn't get off the ground. And guess what we're going to be doing today?

Now, I'm perfectly aware that there are a few articles on other sites about this already. But hey, when has being unoriginal ever stopped me before?

Chicken Little 2

I found this on the Disney Wiki. I'm pretty sure it's fanmade, but here it is anyway.

Chicken Little is widely-regarded as one of the weakest entries of the Disney Animated Canon, but I myself do not hate it. I mean, yeah, it's by no means a MASTERPIECE, but I like Chicken Little, Abby, Runt, and Fish as characters and several of the jokes genuinely ARE pretty funny ("CURSE THESE GENETICALLY TINY LEGS!").

That being said, I don't think we really need to see the further adventures of Chicken Little and his friends. Which of course didn't stop the folks at Disney from coming very, very close to making a sequel. I've heard that it was going to be called either Chicken Little 2: Mission to Mars or Chicken Little 2: The Ugly Duckling Story. Judging by the name, I'm guessing that this would've been about Chicken Little and his friends going to Mars. I guess their mindset was, "Well, hey, if it worked for the Brave Little Toaster..."

Oh, and apparently there was also going to be a love triangle between Chicken Little, Abby, and a French sheep. Abby would've felt that she was at a disadvantage and given herself a makeover. I think it's pretty obvious how this would've worked out: Chicken Little would've chosen Abby over the sheep and Abby would've learned that it's best to be yourself and blah-blah-blah... NEXT SEQUEL!

The Jungle Book 3

I couldn't find any concept art for The Jungle Book 3, but I figured I had to
put at least ONE picture in this section, so have this.

I plan on making a more detailed review of The Jungle Book 2 at some point, so I'll just say right now that I don't think that it's particularly good. That being said, their planned thirdquel (is that a word?) does sound like it might've been pretty interesting.

See, they were gonna have Baloo and Shere Khan get captured by poachers and taken to a Russian circus or something. Mowgli and the gang would've rescued them, and Shere Khan would've pulled a Heel-Face Turn and become a good guy. If nothing else, this one DOES sound like it'd be a little more engaging than The Jungle Book 2.

Ironically enough, the plot of this is kind of similar to what the plot of The Jungle Book 2 was originally going to be... specifically, it would've focused on Baloo falling in love with a female bear and having to rescue her from poachers.

On a somewhat related note, I distinctively remember reading another early synopsis for The Jungle Book 2 about Baloo meeting Mowgli's daughter or something. I don't remember the name of the website, but I'm pretty sure I didn't imagine it...

The AristoCats 2

When it comes to Disney movies from the 1970s, The AristoCats was never one of its more popular ones. Heck, even nowadays it seems as though a lot of people regard it as one of Disney's weaker efforts (not to the same extent as Chicken Little, but still). But one thing is keeping the film from being part of the "films Disney doesn't care about even if they aren't even bad films" pile that Robin Hood, The Black Cauldron, and Brother Bear are currently sitting on - Marie (who's not even the main character of the film) is incredibly popular in Japan. I'm not sure how popular she is in America, but Disney seems to think she is. Hence, she gets tons of merchandise while the film's other characters get jack-squat. Personally, I've always preferred Berlioz myself.

How come Berlioz doesn't get as much merchandise as Marie
does? Just look at how cute he is!

So surprise, surprise, this planned sequel to The AristoCats would have focused on Marie. Specifically, she and her brothers were to face off against a jewel thief on a luxury cruise ship. She also would've gotten a love interest (to be honest, I've always liked the fan-couple of Marie and Oliver from Oliver and Company - what do you think the odds are that they would've just used him?*).

Interesting fact - at one point in development of The AristoCats, Thomas O'Malley
had stripes. Is it just a coincidence that they gave him stripes in the concept art?

According to Tod Carter, "This film went through multiple scripts and different incarnations and probably didn't really have a clear vision in the beginning. Our goal was to create that vision and tell a solid story. With the exception of retaining the main characters, we were given a good deal of freedom to create original story." He also said that the ship would've had a cast of characters from places like France, Scotland, England, Spain, places like that to give the film a "European flair".

Now, this one was actually VERY CLOSE to being made. I've heard that voices were being recorded for it - John Goodman was apparently going to voice Thomas O'Malley, and I think Jack Black was going to voice Scat Cat. If that's true, I hope they at least received paychecks. I don't know who the other voices were.

Ah yes, and originally the film was going to be traditionally-animated, but somewhere in production it became a CGI production - and if it sounds weird that they were going to make a CGI sequel to a hand drawn-animated movie, remember that Michael Eisner, who was the CEO of Disney at the time, also wanted to remake classic Disney films like Pinocchio and Dumbo in CGI in order to prove that it was "better" than hand drawn animation** (hmmm, a CGI remake of a hand-drawn Disney film? Doesn't that sound familiar?). Tod Carter admitted that he's not a fan of converting characters to CGI (unlike Disney, who LOVES IT) because "there is an importance in designing for your target medium." According to Tod, had they gone this route the characters wouldn't have had the same softness, which is essential to the characters' charm. Judging by this thing I found online, I'm gonna have to agree - characters from The AristoCats look kind of iffy in CGI:

 

Some characters should really just stay hand-drawn.

Dumbo II

This is another "we were THIS CLOSE to getting it!" project. You probably know that the 2001 Dumbo: 60th Anniversary Edition DVD features a sneak peak of the film. And then the project (obviously) got cancelled, meaning that Disney probably feels pretty stupid for putting that sneak peak on the DVD now.

Dumbo, nobody wants to see your rear end.

Apparently, the film would've taken place ONE DAY after the events of the first film. The circus would've received more baby animals - two bear cubs, a zebra, a hippo, and an ostrich - and they, along with Dumbo and Timothy, would've gotten stuck in New York and having to find their way back to the circus.

I can smell the plush toy sales already!

According to his resume, Broadway performer Danny Rutigliano (whose other connection to Disney is performing Timon in the Broadway adaptation of The Lion King) was to provide the voice of Timothy. I wonder if they were planning on having Dumbo talk in the movie like that Dumbo's Circus show did. Probably not, but I wonder how people would've reacted if they had.

Hercules II: The Trojan War

I was under the impression that Hercules (while a film that I personally like) wasn't exactly looked at positively by Disney. It under-performed at the box office (but to be fair, so did Fantasia), Greeks hated it for playing fast and loose with their mythology, and they don't acknowledge it that much today. Of course, it DID get a TV series (which amusingly enough did indeed have an episode called "Hercules and the Trojan War"), so what do I know?

Anyhow, Hercules II would've focused on Hercules and Meg living in Athens with their daughter, Hebe. When Hercules discovers that his old friend Helen was kidnapped by Paris of Troy, he would've rallied the Greek Army to go and saved her. I don't know how far into production this got before it was cancelled.

It is worth noting, however, that Disney DID get to make a direct-to-video sequel to Hercules in 1998, though. This was Hercules: Zero to Hero, which was just a compilation of episodes from the show bridged by segments featuring Hercules and Meg looking through Herc's yearbook. Just like how Tarzan and Jane was literally just three episodes of the Tarzan TV show bridged by a story about Jane trying to figure out what to get Tarzan for their anniversary. Kind of makes you wonder if they were considering making that a trend.

This was the only home media release of any episode(s)
of the TV series. Fortunately, the whole show is on Disney+.

Pinocchio 2

There have actually been non-Disney sequels to Disney's Pinocchio - specifically, there's Filmation's Pinocchio and the Emperor of the Night (which featured the voices of Scott Grimes, Ed Asner, and Frank Welker... and got Filmation sued by Disney, too)...

And Belvision Studios' Pinocchio in Outer Space (which focused on Pinocchio and a "twurtle" named Nurtle going to outer space to defeat a giant space whale. I am not kidding).

Could Disney's own Pinocchio sequel have topped those? Well, it got cancelled, so we'll never know. In fact, all we DO know about this one is that the story would've had Pinocchio question why life is unfair sometimes. Which is incredibly vague. Who knows, maybe it would've been about Pinocchio and Jiminy Cricket going to Japan and joining a group of ninjas, then fighting a giant catfish voiced by Brad Pitt or something. And now somebody's probably going to write that fanfiction.

Or maybe they would've just taken the lazy route and remade Pinocchio and the Emperor of the Night. Filmation had closed by this point, and the movie's still kind of obscure, so who was gonna complain?

The Seven Dwarfs

Okay, so this is technically a prequel, not a sequel, but eh...

"The Seven Dwarfs" was to be directed by Mike D'lsa (who worked as an animator on films like Hercules and Home on the Range) and written by Evan Spilotopoulos (who actually helped write many of the other direct-to-video Disney sequels). The film would've explained how the Seven Dwarfs met (Dopey and Grumpy would've begun the movie living in a village full of dwarves, and then they would've gone on an adventure and met the other dwarves from there) and how the Evil Queen (whose name would've been revealed to be Narcissa) would've taken the throne from Snow White's father. Ah, yes, and it would've been CGI. Here's a piece of concept art featuring CGI Dopey.

Kind of creepy, isn't it?

As production went on, the film became focused on Dopey, because he and Grumpy are the only dwarves that Disney seems to care about (and even then, they might care about Dopey a little more than Grumpy - notice how Dopey's kid showed up in that Descendants film, but Grumpy's kid did not?***). Eventually Mike D'las left the project, and eventually Disney decided to cancel it. However, we did eventually get to see what the lives of the Seven Dwarfs were like before Snow White came along - Disney's television series The 7D, which I have not seen a single full episode of. But I've heard great things about it!

For those of you too lazy to read all that, here's a summary: Disney almost had its own direct-to-video version of Lord of the Rings starring the Seven Dwarfs.

UPDATE: I have found an animation test for the film! Give it a watch, it's pretty funny.

Say whatever you want about John Lasseter, but if he did thing one thing right, it was putting a stop to the direct-to-video sequels (otherwise, we probably would've had The Jungle Book 7 or The Princess and the Frog 3 or something by now). It is a shame that Disneytoon Studios had to close a few years afterward, because it could've been used for bigger and better things. But hey, at least Disney's days of making awful sequels is behind them!

Uh, okay, let me rephrase that... Disney's days of making awful ANIMATED sequels is behind them...

Never mind.

* Probably not very likely, but hey, they were originally gonna have Cruella DeVille be the villain of The Rescuers, and Penny from that movie was originally going to be the girl that adopts Oliver in Oliver and Company, so...

** Plus, there are at least two CGI direct-to-video sequels to TV specials that were stop-motion. So there's that...

*** While I'm on the subject of that... even if we can accept that somebody had a kid with Dopey, why is the son of Dopey, who's a dwarf, human? Did Dopey marry a human? Who is Dopey's wife?