Let's Watch This - An Episode of "Ned's Newt"

Have you ever noticed that a lot of cartoon shows are really, really weird?

Think about it. A talking yak whose best friend is a kid with a pineapple for a head? A woman gives birth to a chicken and a cow and nobody questions it? There are some pretty surreal cartoon shows out there.

For example, there's the subject of today's edition of Let's Watch This - a little show from the folks at Nelvana called Ned's Newt.

The show's theme song gives some backstory for the show: one day, this kid named Ned wanted a pet. So he went to the pet store and got a newt. Then he discovered that the newt didn't actually DO anything. Well, yeah. It's a newt. What did you expect it to do, solve world hunger?

Anyhow, he went to the pet store and complained to the owner, who promptly gave him a can of "Zippo For Newt", which I guess is some sort of newt food or whatever. Upon eating it, the newt became a newt version of the Genie from Aladdin. And he's voiced by Harland Williams.

Let's watch an episode of the show and see if it's any good. First up, "Mars Dilemma".

The episode begins with Ned's mother (Carolyn Scott) finding out that they have a LOT of tomato soup. All well and good, except that she needs tomato PASTE if she wants to make homemade pizza. So she tells Ned (Tracy Moore) to go to the store and get some tomato paste.

I'm just now realizing that he looks like a cross between Charlie Brown and Numbuh One from Codename: Kids Next Door...

Before Ned goes to the store, he has to feed his newt, whose name is Newton by the way. As a result, Newton goes from a teeny tiny newt to a big blue newt with a large gut and promptly launches into an unfunny comedy routine. Eventually, Ned manages to tell him that he's going to the store so that he can get some tomato paste, which Newton for whatever reason finds hilarious. He claims that if he wants to get tomato paste, he should go to MARS.

"Newton, could you cool it with the random impressions?"
"Nope. When it comes to jokes, that's all I've got."

Newton does an impression of Arnold Schwarzenegger for whatever reason, then explains, "Why do you think they call it the RED planet, Neddo? The moon is made of cheese. Mars is made of tomato paste." Shapeshifting into, uh, I think Leonardo Da Vinci, he add's that Neptune is where you get "that blue stuff you put in your toilet". Ned says that he can't go to Mars - his mom won't even let him go to the movies alone. Newton replies that he's NOT going to the movies alone. "You're going to Mars! With me! And in THIS!" he says, showing off Ned's mom and dad's station wagon.

"Yes, we're going to Mars in a station wagon!
How, I don't know. But hey, it's a show with a big blue talking newt in it,
I'd say that ANYTHING'S possible!"

Something I couldn't help but notice is that Newton is not funny. You'd think that since Harland Williams is doing his voice there'd be some good laughs, but so far he hasn't done anything particularly amusing.

Anyway, somehow Newton is able to convert the station wagon into a spaceship while doing more painfully unfunny impressions. The one problem is that the car is locked - and the keys are in the car, which makes one wonder how exactly they were able to lock the car in the first place. We get a reference to 2001: A Space Odyssey (because... it exists, right?), and eventually they squeeze in through the back door.

There's probably some sort of theory posted online that Newton is in fact just a
normal newt and Ned is just insane.

We get a reference to Alien (because, hey, it's an episode about going to space and that's a thing that exists that also takes place in space, right?) and head out of the garage. As they're cruising down the street, Newton becomes... what is he even supposed to be right now?

I think he's trying to do a Jamaican accent here, for what it's worth...

Newton makes references to Back to the Future and Star Trek as he explains to Ned that he installed a new "pulportion" system fueled by... bread. When Ned asks how bread is going to help them raise into the air, Newton says, "What? You've never heard of RAISIN bread?"

Okay, I will admit that was kind of funny.

They blast off, fly through a hole in the ozone (which does make for a kind of funny visual gag), and we get a reference to The Mask. Fitting, since in the cartoon show based on The Mask, the Mask's shtick was ALSO doing random impressions and shapeshifting every five seconds. Once in space, they stop at a gas station so Newton can use the bathroom and then head over to Mars, which as it turns out IS made of tomato paste. Because this is a cartoon, it's also populated by aliens. "If it's the red planet," Ned says, "How come the martians are green?" Newton replies, "Because they aren't ripe yet!"

Okay, that was kind of funny too. Ned doesn't think so, however.

They enter a store and buy some tomato paste, only to discover that it tastes awful. Newton suggests that they go to "the corner store" instead. Wah wah wah wah waaaaah...

Back on Earth, Ned's dad (Peter Keleghan) finds him in his car with Newton, who's shapeshifted back into a regular newt. Ned's dad doesn't notice that the car is now a spaceship and flies off in it. Hopefully, Ned doesn't tell his folks about how he flew to Mars in the station wagon with his blue shapeshifting newt, because otherwise he might be on his way to a mental asylum...

I would also like to point out that during that cartoon, nothing really happened. Ned tries to get to the store, he gets derailed by Newton, Newton does an unfunny comedy routine, they go to Mars but don't like the tomato paste there... in fact, do they even get any tomato paste in the end? It doesn't feel like anything was really accomplished.

The second cartoon in this episode is called "Saturday Night Fervor".

At Ned's school, a girl he likes named Linda (Tracy Ryan) is elected the "Spring Queen" of their "Spring Festival Dance". And Ned is one of the nominees for the "Spring King" - the other being a much more popular kid named Rusty (Jonathan Wilson).

Ned returns home and is greeted by Newton - what else? - trying way too hard to be funny.

Ned's just as annoyed by Newton as I am.

One unfunny comedy routine later, Ned tells Newton that he wants to be the Spring King to Linda's Spring Queen but he has no chance of beating Rusty. Newton then becomes Ned's campaign manager, and none of the other kids question the giant blue newt dressed as a bandleader banging a drum.

"Vote for Ned!"
"Okay. Who are we to argue with a giant blue newt?"

The votes are counted, and it's a tie between Rusty and Ned. Rusty suggests that, since it's a dance, they make the best DANCER the Spring King. The teacher (also Carolyn Scott) loves the idea - they'll have a contest at the dance! The one problem, of course, is that Ned can't dance as well as Rusty can. Gee, I wonder what's going to happen next... will his giant talking newt help him become a great dancer in a way that involves him making a million unfunny jokes?

The answer to that is YES. Yes, that is exactly what's going to happen. Case in point...

Make up your own joke here, I've got nothing.

Long story short, Newton teaches Ned how to dance, and we cut to the Spring Festival Dance, where Newton is disguised as a potted plant.

"Feed me, Ned!"
(Hey, if the newt can make pop culture references, I see no reason why I can't.
In fact, I'm amazed that they DON'T make a Little Shop of Horrors reference here).

The dance contest begins, and Ned does pretty well until his pants fall down (no, really. That's what happens). Rusty mocks him and then Newton does an impression of Don King for some reason. And no, people STILL don't question the giant talking newt.

Look at how bored Rusty is right now... "I'm being shouted at by a giant blue newt
doing an impression of Don King. Eh, not that unusual."

Newton's idea is to put on an enormous stupid-looking outfit, then have Ned stand on his shoulders - that way, Newton will do the dancing and it'll look like NED is doing it. No one will ever know!

Of course, nobody questions why Ned is suddenly much larger as he re-enters the room. Ned and Rusty have their dance-off, but then - D'OH, the "Zippo For Newt" is wearing off, and this results in Newton changing back into his smaller, non-anthropomorphic self!

"WHAT ARE THE ODDS, I SAY?!"

Regardless, Ned wins - but he's too exhausted to dance with Linda now. The end.

This is a very strange show. And not only is it a strange show, it's also a very weak show. Some of the jokes ARE kind of funny, but when a joke fails, it really fails. It's pretty much just a few minutes of Harland Williams trying to be funny but being bogged down by the lousy script. The characters aren't really interesting, Newton can get annoying, and it seems to believe that being weird automatically equals being FUNNY. And, no. No it doesn't. Sorry. That being said, like with Squirrel Boy I've seen far worse cartoons.

And remember, if you buy a pet newt and the pet store owner gives you a can of "Zippo For Newt"... well, then I hope you like unfunny impressions.

Let's Watch This - An Episode of "Squirrel Boy"

During the 2000s... specifically, from 2004 to around 2009... Cartoon Network was in a strange place. All of the "classic" cartoons (Tom and Jerry, the Hanna-Barbera stuff, Looney Tunes) were pretty much banished to Boomerang, their iconic Cartoon Cartoons like The Powerpuff Girls, Johnny Bravo, and Dexter's Laboratory were chugging along until the cancel hammer went down on them, and the shows that were making their debut were a mixed bag. On the one hand, we got this...

And we got this...

On the other hand, we got this...

And this, which I enjoyed in my youth but upon rewatching discovered that it didn't hold up very well...

Ah yes, and remember THIS? Cartoon Network's attempt to cash in on the success of Nick Jr. and Playhouse Disney?

And then, in 2006 Cartoon Network spawned a show called Squirrel Boy. Created by Everett Peck of Duckman fame, Squirrel Boy is a show that might sound familiar to you: a kid and some sort of non-human sidekick who's a mischievous jerk get into WHACKY SHENANIGANS. That could perfectly summarize several other cartoon shows.

This time around, the non-human sidekick is a squirrel with the voice of Invader Zim. It's a strange little show that I'm sure you're eager to see me review.

Per usual, I decided that a good place to start would be the first episode of the show. First up, "A Line in the Sandwich".

The episode begins with Rodney (Richard Steven Horvitz) watching TV. He's bored. He sees an advertisement for something called a "Fobject" (it's a fun object!). Then Andy (Pamela Adlon) shows up and now HE wants a "Fobject" too.

"Andy, I just realized something... aren't we just knockoffs of Mac and Bloo?"

Rodney tells Andy that they must get a "Fobject" because they're "dangerously close" to playing with some of Andy's toys twice. The one problem is that they don't have any money. Andy's father (Kurtwood Smith) then comes in, and he's not too thrilled by the fact that Andy is letting Rodney eat his sandwich. Rodney says it's okay - "Andy's hands are clean."

Are you laughing yet?

Rodney announces that the sandwich is delicious. Apparently, it's due to the "Secret Sauce" - an old family recipe. Rodney then gets the idea to make MORE sandwiches and sell them for money so that they can buy a "Fobject". Andy then says, "Cool-mungous!" Is that a thing that kids were saying back in the 2000s?

Anyhow, Rodney and Andy find a cart that Andy's dad sold something in during his youth. Rodney for whatever reason dresses up as Cap'n Crunch.

"Crunchatize ME, cap'n!"

They manage to make a profit in just a few hours. "So now we can buy a Fobject, right?" Andy asks. Rodney says that instead, they'll save their money until they've made double it and buy TWO "Fobjects". And he's got a few ideas on how Andy should make the sandwiches. He claims that the sandwiches aren't why people are coming. Andy then says that people aren't coming simply because of his hat. Rodney finds this statement hilarious.

For the rest of the night, Rodney won't shut up about the stupid hat. Like, when he's asleep, he goes "SNOOOOOOOOORE... THE HAAAAAAAAAAAAAT... SNOOOOOOOOOOORE..."

The next day, Rodney is STILL insisting that people are only giving them money because of the hat. Andy finally snaps, tells Rodney to make the sandwiches himself, and leaves. I really don't blame him by this point.

Rodney, as it turns out, stinks at making sandwiches. Andy then proceeds to annoy Rodney by talking to the hat as opposed to the squirrel that's wearing it. And it goes on - he actually pretends that his baseball cap is alive, too. Rodney says, "Well, fine! I've got my loyal vacuum cleaner, snare drum and oversized pair of underwear! So friends are the least of my problems!"

Andy has officially snapped.

After a painfully unfunny conversation with "Cappy", Andy decides to make things right with Rodney, who is currently walking around with the vacuum cleaner, snare drum and oversized pair of underwear. He has a fantasy sequence in which the cart comes to life and EATS HIM IN A SANDWICH (yeah...), and then a pigeon (Carlos Alazraqui) shows up out of nowhere and explains that the fantasy sequence was a metaphor.

"I'm surprised that metaphor sequence didn't include your stupid hat!"

Of course, Rodney still hasn't gotten it through his thick head that the hat isn't the reason why people are buying their sandwiches. Thus, he decides to sabotage their business.

Oh yeah, and this whole scene with the pigeon? It was all a dream.

So Rodney decides to get rid of the hat. He meets up with Andy, who suggests that they try their hand at sandwich-making again so that they can get the money for the "Fobject". And it turns out that Andy threw out the secret sauce. Instead, they shall be using LARD.

The new sandwiches are unpopular, but Andy and Rodney don't give a rat's tail and decide to play baseball. And it turns out that Rodney got a twelve-pack of the stupid hat and believes that it makes him a better baseball player. The end.

Next we have "Tree For Two" (I'm not gonna bother posting the title card because it's the exact same one as the one for "A Line in the Sandwich").

The episode starts off with Andy about to launch a model rocket. Rodney tells him, "My squirrel sense says something's wrong. And my squirrel sense is never wrong. Unless it's really really really really really really really really wrong." He then proceeds to smash up the, uh, tail-fin things, then decides to launch it right next to a tree. Why? Well, if they launch it next to a tree, they'll know how high it goes because they'll have something to compare it to.

Of course, the rocket winds up getting stuck at the very top of the tree. Tell me, will this result in Rodney and Andy getting into WHACKY SHENANIGANS as they try to get it down? All signs point to "YES".

Andy notices a "conveniently-located kiosk" with information about the tree. Which is the tallest tree in the park. The kiosk plays a video about a squirrel who attempted to climb the tree but wound up getting injured. Because Andy is an idiot he still thinks it's a good idea for Rodney to climb the tree.

That is one ugly-looking bird...

The bird pecks at Rodney's head after he screams at it, and of course WHACKY SHENANIGANS ensure. This causes Rodney to make it to the top of the tree. Andy's dad shows up and tries to get him to hang out with him, Andy tries to hide the fact that the rocket is stuck at the top of the tree, and we get an unfunny gag where another bird regurgitates food into Rodney's mouth.

And, okay, I will admit there's one joke here that I did laugh at. Andy's dad sees Rodney falling out of the tree and puts two and two together. With a chuckle, he says, "Well, that's not as bad as I thought." And we get this:

Rodney lands on a lower branch and has a strange fantasy sequence where two wood gnomes show up and help him get to the top of the tree. And believe it or not, this fantasy sequence is even weirder than the one in "A Line in the Sandwich".

"I can see my house from here!"

The wood gnomes tell him that he must ask their king for help. Said king shows up... and actually, it's just Andy's dad in a crane. Rodney is so freaked-out that he jumps out of the tree. Andy's dad just says, "I don't wanna know..." and rescues the rocket.

Andy and his dad launch the rocket again, which ends up swooping up Rodney just as he's about to reach the ground. And wouldn't you know it, it ends up in that tree again. And the episode ends with Rodney having another fantasy sequence with the wood gnomes.

Yeah...

What's the Verdict?

I can sum up Squirrel Boy in three words: TRYING TOO HARD. It throws every cliche found in a Cartoon Network cartoon during the 2000s at us in an attempt to be funny and it all falls flat. Andy and Rodney are pretty much just the same sort of characters as Mac and Bloo, the random sound effects, the bizarre nature of the whole thing... sometimes I got a laugh out of the show, and Richard Steven Horvitz is clearly doing his best with the material that he's given, but the show is just so blah. It reeks of 2000s Cartoon Network. I've seen far worse cartoons, though.

Let's Watch This: An Episode of "The New Woody Woodpecker Show"

Today, we'll be looking at a show starring a certain cartoon bird. Can you guess who?

Be honest. You're probably hearing the laugh right now, aren't you?

In 1940, the world was introduced to a lunatic woodpecker named Woody. I believe that I was introduced to Woody through one of his cartoons (Pantry Panic, to be precise) appearing on a DVD I got of random cartoons that are in the public domain. As an animation buff, I would buy a LOT of DVDs like that. I'm pretty sure that I also got a DVD box set of Woody's cartoons, but I'm not sure if I ever watched it.

Like most cartoon characters from the Golden Age of Animation, Woody hasn't been as popular since, I'm not sure, the 1980s. Well, except in Brazil. He's super-popular there. He was once the mascot of the Universal Studios theme parks, and while you can still find him there, it seems that (ugh) the Minions have upsurped him as the mascot(s). He had a balloon in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. In 2000, he became the mascot of the Honda Motorcycle Racing Team. He makes cameos in films like Who Framed Roger Rabbit, The Time Machine, and We're Back! A Dinosaur's Story. And in 2017, THIS came out.

It seems like every time I think that "live action movies based on cartoons" trend has come to a halt, we get ANOTHER ONE.

This movie, which features the great Eric Bauza as the voice of Woody, got a theatrical release in Brazil but ended up being straight-to-video in America. Critics and animation buffs on the internet tore it apart. But on a positive note, thanks to this film Woody's popularity seems to have come back a little - in 2018, a series of web cartoons starring Woody premiered online, with Eric Bauza reprising his role.

But long before all of this, there was a previous attempt at reintroducing Woody to the youth of America. 1999 saw the premiere of The New Woody Woodpecker Show.

"Hey, kids! It's me, Woody Woodpecker! You probably remember me from... uh, is Cartoon Network still airing my cartoons?"

The show debuted on the now-defunct FOX Kids programming block on May 8th. It featured an impressive cast - which included Mark Hamill, Elizabeth Daily, Nika Futterman, Blake Clark, Rob Paulsen, Kevin Michael Richardson, and Billy West as the voice of Woody. Three seasons were made until the show was cancelled after fifty-three episodes. While I haven't been able to find much behind-the-scenes information about the show, according to TV Tropes the staff had to put up with censorship and Executive Meddling. For example, Woody wasn't allowed to peck people on the head because... I guess they considered that too violent or whatever? Some episodes apparently weren't aired in the US, and only one episode has been released on DVD. The show used to be on Netflix, but now if you want to watch it you have to go to Hulu or YouTube.

Which is how I'm going to be watching an episode of this show - specifically, the first episode - so that I can review it on this blog. And since I'm somebody who's only seen, like, one of the original Woody Woodpecker shorts, I would recommend taking my opinion on it with a grain of salt.

So, according to Wikipedia the first short in the first episode of this show is called "Wiener Wars".

Get your minds out of the gutter.

So, the episode starts off with Woody (again, voiced by Billy West) running over to a hot dog stand run by a guy named Joe (Jess Harnell). After Joe gives him a hot dog, Woody discovers that Joe is planning on selling the cart, much to his horror.

"If you sell the cart, I'll have to buy hot dogs at the STORE!
And cook them MYSELF! And I'm too lazy to do that!"

Joe tells him that there's another hot dog cart nearby, run by Wally Walrus (also voiced by Billy West). "I'll never eat at Wally's!" Woody announces. "After all, he's my arch-enemy! Or maybe Buzz the Buzzard is. One of those guys."

Woody then tells Joe that HE'LL buy the cart. The one problem is that it'll cost him five hundred bucks (why so expensive?). Wally, meanwhile, is not thrilled by the fact that his arch-enemy is now his competitor in the hot dog-selling business. On a side note, am I the only one who doesn't think Wally looks all that much like a walrus? He just looks like a bald guy with tiny tusks.

Maybe he actually IS a human, and people just call him "Walrus" because of the mustache?
I don't know, maybe?

So after Woody sells a couple of wieners, Wally sends him and his cart flying off a dock and into the ocean. Of course you know this means war, and Woody uses a fire extinguisher to soak Wally. Thus begins a straight-up WAR between Woody and Wally. Like, with the weapons and tanks and everything.

And one of them can't just find another street corner becaaaaaaaaaause?

Long story short, a businessman gets covered in ketchup and mustard and thinks that the combination of the condiments is delicious. He announces that he, Woody and Wally are going to make millions. But wouldn't you know it, having Woody work with the character that is, for all intents and purposes, the Elmer Fudd to his Bugs Bunny isn't exactly the best idea, and their feuding results in the factory exploding with geysers of ketchup and mustard. Woody tricks Wally into feeding him hot dogs, and the short just, um, ends. No, really. It just ends.

Next up is Chilly Willy in "Electric Chilly".

Most of the Chilly Willy shorts follow this plotline: Chilly is cold. He tries to get warm. This short is no exception. It starts off with Chilly ordering an electric blanket by stuffing a ton of money into a mailbox (don't ask me where a penguin gets money) and it arrives within seconds via helicopter. Even though that's not how ordering something works in the slightest, but it seems pointless to bring realism into a show with a talking woodpecker in it.

How did this character not become more popular? Just look at how cute he is!

The one problem here is that Chilly only has one outlet, so he can't have both his blanket AND his TV plugged in at the same time. The solution? He goes all the way to the house of Smedley the dog (Billy West again), who is ALSO watching TV, and uses the outlet that HIS television is plugged into to plug in his blanket.

I like how Chilly tips his hat to Smedley before he waddles off.

"You like how I unplugged your TV just as the announcer
was about to reveal the secret ingredient to the recipe?
That wasn't a coincidence. I totally planned that."

So, yeah, you can see where this is going, right? Smedley unplugs the blanket so he can plug his TV back in, and when Chilly goes back over to his house to plug the blanket back in. Smedley apparently knew that he would do this and boarded up the door, but Chilly gets around that by just sticking the doorknob in the wall and instantly creating a door that way. Apparently Chilly has magic powers or something?

The expression that this dog is making right now is honestly freaking me out...

Smedley unplugs the blanket again, and is in the process of boarding up his whole house as Chilly shows up, enters the house via the door that he magically conjured up, then presumably plugs his blanket in there.

Smedley is too big to use Chilly's door, so he somehow uses the chimney to get into the house. How the heck does he fit? The pipe is skinny and he's, to put it bluntly, not.

Quick question - what kind of dog is Smedley supposed to be? A Saint Bernard?
He doesn't look a whole lot like one, but hey, Wally doesn't look a whole lot like a walrus...

Anyhow, when he gets inside, Chilly's asleep, so he decides to bring Chilly back to his house, then sees that there's a good movie on TV and sits down to watch. While he's doing that, Chilly wakes up and seizes the opportunity to go back to Smedley's house and plug his blanket back in.

Oh, and thank goodness Chilly just so happens to have a garage door opener under his hat. Lucky him.

Is Chilly's hat just a TARDIS or something?

Once Smedley discovers that Chilly has plugged the blanket in again, he gets agitated despite the fact that he wasn't even watching HIS television when Chilly unplugged it to plug his blanket back in. He's so angry, in fact, that he decides to blow up Chilly's igloo. Because that's not an overreaction at all!

"NO ONE unplugs my TV!"

Spoiler alert: this backfires on Smedley, and he ends up sinking into the icy water. And then about five seconds later he's back watching TV in his house, and as a result of this Chilly's blanket is unplugged, and this time Smedley locked Chilly's magic door that he'd used to get inside. No matter, though - Chilly uses the doorknob to open the entire front wall of Smedley's house up, then unplugs the TV so that he can plug his blanket back in. Then he somehow opens up a small door in Smedley's stomach. At this point, I'm fully convinced that this penguin is magic.

Let's be honest, you'd probably be making that expression too if somebody
opened up a door in YOUR stomach.

Smedley decides to trap Chilly inside his TV, but that backfires on him as well, as Chilly uses his magic powers to change the channel just as Smedley's about to find out if he has a winning lottery ticket. So the moral of today's story, I guess, is that you shouldn't only have one outlet in your house. That, or don't mess with penguins. The end.

Finally, we have "Woody and the Termite".

The cartoon begins with Mother Nature (Betty Ward) telling Woody that he hasn't been pecking enough and tells him to get pecking or, according to Woody, she'll "demote him to a chigger" (whatever that means). Thus, Woody decides to buy an "uber-termite" named Lester (Pamela Adlon) from a scientist to create holes in trees for him. Lester, of course, is uncooperative and starts devouring entire trees.

"No termite is gonna make a dodo outta THIS woodpecker!"

Blah blah blah, Woody fights Lester but Lester comes out on top, until Woody comes up with a plan. That plan, as it turns out, is to put steel on the trunk of a tree so Lester can't bite it. But alas and alack, Lester gets around that.

Yeah, this is gonna be one of THOSE shorts. You know, where a little jerk with zero likable qualities torments our protagonist and constantly comes out on top every time the protagonist tries to fight back. Kind of like that Sylvester short "Canned Feud". Remember that short? The one where he's tormented by a mouse who wants to make him starve?

Woody uses invisible paint to make the forest invisible, but that rassa-frassing termite outsmarts him AGAIN, then proceeds to devour his house. Fortunately, Woody traps him in a jar and takes him back to the scientist. I love the really threatening way he says "I'm taking you BAAAAAAAAAAAAACK..."

Woodpeckers actually eat termites, so Lester should consider himself lucky
that Woody is just taking him back to the scientist as opposed to having
him for lunch.

The scientist gives him some seeds that'll instantly grow trees, allowing Woody to regrow the forest, then dresses as Lester's father to get him to get those holes in those trees. It works! But guess what, this ALSO backfires on him as now Woody is forced by Mother Nature to do all of the Termite's duties. D'oh.

This is another show that I'm gonna put in the "meh, it's okay" category. While not a laugh riot, there wasn't anything awful about it. It's mainly carried by Billy West's voice acting. The only short that I didn't really like was "Woody and the Termite", which stems from the fact that it was really frustrating seeing Woody tormented by that stupid bug. Who knows, maybe I'll review another episode of this show at some point.

Let's Watch This - An Episode of "Road Rovers"

If there's one thing that I've learned, it's that if something is successful, expect others to try to cash in on the success of it. And nowhere is that more true than in the wonderful world of animation. A lot of cartoons are made for one reason and one reason alone: to cash in on the success of something else. For example, the success of Muppet Babies resulted in The Flintstones Kids being made. And it should be pretty obvious that Scooby-Doo's popularity is the reason why Fangface exists. And then there are the Ninja Turtle clones. When the first Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon premiered in the 1980s, EVERYBODY wanted a slice of its toy-selling money-making pie.

Literally.

And as a result, many more cartoons where the plot is "anthromorphic animals or whatever fight evil-doers" were created, mainly during the 1990s. And we ended up getting shows like Biker Mice From Mars, Street Sharks, the Mighty Ducks cartoon, and the show that we'll be looking at today - Warner Brothers' Road Rovers.

"Heroes with a cold nose! PUPPY POWER!"

Premiering in 1996, Road Rovers focuses on dogs - specifically, the pets of world leaders - who become anthropomorphic crime-fighting pooches. The leader of the pack is Hunter (voiced by Jess Harnell), an American mutt who serves as the nicest member of the team. Then there's a British collie named Colleen (Tress MacNeille), the only girl on the team and the character who we're obviously supposed to see as Hunter's love interest. There's also a German doberman named Blitz (Jeff Bennett), who sounds like Arnold Schwartzenegger and acts kind of like Zapp Brannigan. The Donatello of the group is a Siberian husky named Exile (Kevin Michael Richardson). And then there's Shag, a sheepdog who's the muscle of the group and a crazy rottweiler named Muzzle (both voiced by Frank Welker).

It aired for one season on the Kids' WB before being cancelled in 1997. Why didn't the show catch on? Well, maybe kids thought the idea of crime-fighting dogs was too absurd or something.

Then again...

I admittedly haven't seen a single episode of this show before - which makes it, in my opinion, ripe for a review. Today, we'll be looking at the episode "Where Rovers Dare". Why that episode? You'll see as we go along...

The episode opens with a narrator informing us that the nations of Katzenstok and Eisneria lived side by side in harmony. A golden bridge linked the two companies. But then they went to war, for some reason, and the nations collapsed.

Yeah, it should be pretty clear what the joke here is, right? Katzenstok = Jeffrey Katzenberg and Eisneria = Michael Eisner. For those not in on the joke, I would recommend searching "Michael Eisner and Jeffrey Katzenberg" online.

The only remnant of these ancient civilizations is a scepter that's located in Katzenstok - but it ends up being stolen. This does not help with the tension between Katzenstok and Eisneria. And just to add to the joke, the leaders of these two nations (voiced by Rob Paulsen and Victor Brandt respectively) even LOOK LIKE Jeffrey and Michael.

"No, Shark Tale was NOT a blatant attempt to cash in on the successs of Finding Nemo!"
"Yes it was! And while I'm at it, Antz was an enormous knock-off of A Bug's Life that you only made so that you could blackmail PIXAR!"

So Katzenburg shouts that if Eisneria does not return the scepter by noon the next day, it's war. A United States representative (Tress MacNeille) reassures them that they've got their best men looking for the scepter. And by "men", I mean "dogs".

Then we cut to Hunter and Colleen riding sleds and being chased by some guys on snowmobiles. Exile and Shag show up in their, uh... big tank thing... what is this thing supposed to be?

It kind of looks like an airplane on wheels...

They end up flying off a cliff, and it's revealed that the vehicle is actually a helicopter. And they didn't just fly away to escape the bad guys before becaaaaaaaaaaause?

The bad guys' snowmobiles can fly too, apparently, and they end up shooting down the helicopter. Which then converts into a snowmobile. Yeah, it's one of THOSE kinds of vehicles. Eventually Exile gets rid of the bad guys with his laser vision and they meet up with Blitz and Muzzle at the Rovers' plane. And as it turns out, Hunter has the scepter, which apparently is why those evil dudes were chasing them.

Speaking of which, those evil dudes? They show up again. The Rovers take off, but the evil dudes take off after them in their flying snowmobiles. Where the heck does somebody GET a flying snowmobile? I agree with Hunter, I want one of those.

The evil dudes shoot down the plane and the dogs flee into a nearby village. I know what you're thinking: just who ARE these evil dudes? Well, I have no idea, so why are you asking me?

Hunter puts Shag in charge of guarding the scepter... specifically, guarding it with Blitz's life.

Is it just me, or does Shag kind of look like a polar bear here?

At the Pentagon, a general informs the woman from the United Nations that the Rovers were shot down in a nation called Ovitsnai, which is apparently an EEEEEEEEEEVIL nation led by an EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL guy named Colonel Gustav Hovac (George Dzundza). As it turns out, Gustav is the guy that sent those evil dudes after the Rovers.

Is this guy supposed to be a caricature too?

Not only that, but he also had the scepter stolen in order to send Katzenstok and Eisneria into war. Why? Well, he's selling supplies for the war to the leaders of Katzenstok and Eisneria. Once they blow each others' nations into pieces, he'll swoop in and take over the entire region. He tells his Lituenant (Brian George) that it's pathetic how they were outsmarted by dogs and that HE WANTS THE SCEPTER AND HE WANTS IT NOW.

We get a scene where some wolves show up in the village, which confuses the evil dudes, then Liteurant Whatshisname announces that they're going to flush the Rovers out by demolishing the village. Speaking of which, doesn't anybody LIVE in this village?

I like the gag where Blitz keeps trying to warn Hunter about the tanks, only for Hunter to think that he's thanking him for giving him a dog biscuit.

To escape the evil guys, the Rovers - plus a wolf that they rescued - jump inside a truck (at least, I think it's a truck... I could be wrong, though). There's a gag where Shag has to go to the bathroom. I feel his pain... if I had a dollar for the number of times that I'VE had to go to the bathroom while in the car, I would be rich.

The Rovers end up being cornered by the evil dudes as General Havoc arrives. He's all "GIVE ME THE SCEPTER!", but the Rovers are saved by a pack of wolves.

"I have not been this humiliated since that time I was defeated by that rascally rabbit!"
Come to think of it, if they'd sent Bugs to get the scepter this whole episode would've been over in five minutes.

Then some helicopters that the general from before sent show up to rescue the Rovers. One of the pilots (Rob Paulsen) informs Mission Control that they found them. General Havoc gets arrested (and he would've gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for those meddling dogs), war is averted, and the leaders of Katzenstok and Eisneria return the scepter to its original location (did I mention that the scepter is shaped like a wolf's head?), which causes the golden bridge to rise out of the water. And then, just in case you didn't realize what this was all supposed to represent, we get this.

And according to the narrator, the region became known as "The Happiest Place on Earth". Part of me wonders if this was Warner Brothers' way of saying, "See, we don't REALLY hate Disney! Those jokes we made about it on Animaniacs were just that! Jokes!"

So that was Road Rovers, and I gotta say, I'm not sure why this show didn't catch on. Maybe people had difficulty looking past the fact that it was an obvious Ninja Turtles cash-in, but for a cash-in it's still a decent show. Good voice acting, decent animation, and I personally found the Disney references amusing. I recommend checking the show out.

Of course, I'm only scratching the surface when it comes to Ninja Turtle clones... I have plans to review the Mighty Ducks cartoon, Street Sharks, and Wild West C.O.W.-Boys of Moo Mesa. But for now, I'll say this: those Road Rovers are good dogs.