Let's Watch This - "Delhi Safari" (2012)

So, here's what you guys are probably wondering: what the heck is Delhi Safari? The answer to that question is this... in my opinion, a mediocre-at-best movie. Yeah, I'm gonna try not to be too harsh, but this is not a very good film.

Okay, so Delhi Safari is actually an Indian animated film that was dubbed in English. It was released in 2012, and wound up with a 15% on Rotten Tomatoes. I didn't learn that last little tidbit until AFTER I started watching it so that I could review it. If I had, perhaps I would've known better than to give it a watch.

So, what exactly is so awful about this movie? Let's find out, shall we?

The movie begins at some sort of natural park. A baby leopard voiced by Tara Strong says, "I don't wanna go someplace else... my home is HERE." So we start the movie with a cute animal that's incredibly depressed. Not the best way to start a film, guys...

Then suddenly out of nowhere we cut to earlier that morning and see the baby leopard and his father... uh, practicing their brawling or whatever? I dunno... so anyway, the mother leopard shows up, and... god, this is boring. The only thing it's got going for it so far is the fact that Tara Strong voices the main character.

The Mother Leopard (Vanessa Williams) says that both of them deserve "a smack on the bum". Father Leopard (Cary Elwes) is all "But the kid's gotta learn self-defense!"

The Father Leopard looks like he's high right now.

So the leopard cub, whose name is Yuvi, tells his mom to "chill" and warns his dad that he'll likely be sleeping outside of the cave tonight (two cringe-worthy lines in a row!). Father Leopard says that he knows how to get back on her good side... with a SONG, of course. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay...

As you might have guessed, the song that they sing is pretty lousy. I mean, the Father Leopard isn't a bad singer, but A) the lyrics are dreck and B) what is the point?! Aside from "to get the mother to cheer up".

The Mother Leopard's making that expression because she hates the song
just as much as I do.

Later that day, Yuvi and his father hear a strange rumbling noise. Then they see a tree being uprooted. And many more. And then, a large mechanical monster appears in front of them!

I love the fact that it looks like it has teeth. If their intention was for this to look
frightening, giving it HILLBILLY TEETH was not the way to do it.

The leopards run from the weird Dr. Seuss-esque vehicle in a scene TOTALLY different from that scene in The Lion King with the wildebeest stampede (that was sarcasm, for those that couldn't tell. Seriously, even the music sounds similar). But there are MORE of them! And then they come across a big portion of the, uh, chasm that's being cleared out with bulldozers and giant cranes and crap like that building something.

Yep, this is one of those ENVIRONMENTAL films. You'd think that the human race would've learned by now to protect the environment, but apparently not because pretty much every other year we get an animated film about how we should protect the environment.

Father Leopard decides to save Yuvi by tossing him to his mate. Just in time, too, because then the Father Leopard actually gets shot.







Geez, this movie took a dark turn all of a sudden...

As it turns out, the construction crew is building some sort of... condo, I guess called "Residency Towers". That night, the animals hold a meeting to decide what to do, and the wise old owl (because if an owl shows up in something animated, it's gonna be wise) tells Yuvi that they all have to run away from the natural park. Wait a second, if it's a natural park, why would people be building a condo there? Is that allowed?

And I know this might be considered a nitpick, but where did the owl get glasses?

The other animals all like the idea of running for it, but a monkey voiced by Carlos Alazraqui dubs them all cowards and says that they can't let the humans drive them from their home. Then he and some other monkeys shout "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!"

Oh, and he sounds like Clint Eastwood.
A monkey that sounds like Clint Eastwood. Sure, why not?

Then a bear voiced by Brad Garrett tells the monkey that he's always yammering about war and fighting and blah-blah-blah and that fighting's not the answer to everything. Why are we only introducing all of these main characters NOW?

"I'm smarter than the AV-ER-AGE bear!"

The monkey, whose name is Bushrongi (I might've spelled it wrong), goes into a painfully unfunny rant (I swear that the lip-syncing as he's ranting is off, by the way) and tells the bear that he just doesn't get it. "I know all about humans..." he snarls. The bear says that surely not ALL humans are as awful as Bushrongi is making them out to be (and I'm pretty sure that the lip-syncing as HE'S talking is off, too). Then Bushrongi points out that even if they follow the bear's suggestion of just TALKING to the humans, they don't know how to speak their language.

But it turns out that a nearby pigeon (Christopher Lloyd) knows somebody who DOES know how to speak their language!

"Excuse me, could somebody help me find the set of Valiant?"

The pigeon does an unfunny comedy routine that consists of him talking really fast and trying to remember the name of this guy who knows how to talk to humans. Bushrongi keeps insisting that the only way to save their home is through WAR, and then the Mother Leopard tells him to shut up. It's been decided... in two days, they're leaving the jungle.

The next day, Yuvi pays the pigeon a visit and asks him where Mr. I Can Talk To Humans lives. I guess the pigeon's shtick is that his memory is lousy because he needs to be reminded of what Yuvi looks like. Anyhow, the pigeon says that the animal that can talk to humans is a parrot named Alex - the pet of a big film director. Yuvi has a plan.

Then we cut to the bear trying to get the monkey to calm the heck down. This leads to ANOTHER song. This one's not very good either. Heck, the pigeon even agrees with me!

Anyhow, Yuvi puts his plan into motion - he and the pigeon visit Bushrongi and Yuvi is all "The pigeon doesn't think you're the strongest animal in the jungle." and Bushrongi says, "Oh, he DOESN'T, huh?" and promptly points a GUN at the pigeon. And this character is one of the good guys, ladies and gentlemen!

Yuvi clarifies - what Mr. Pigeon said, it would seem, is that if Bushrongi got into an arm-wrestling contest, he would be beaten easily. Bushrongi is all "I'LL SHOW YOU!" and promptly arm-wrestles his equally-hideous monkey henchmen. Then Yuvi is all "I told him that you could rescue this parrot named Alex in the city, but he doesn't believe me!", which gets Bushrongi on board with their rescue plan.

Then we cut to Alex doing... a Bollywood musical number? What?!

Rio this is not.

Okay, so Yuvi, the pigeon, the bear, and the monkeys have somehow gotten to the city already. And there's a fart joke. Classy, fellas. Alex's owner and his girlfriend show up just as the animals are sneaking in, but they manage to grab the parrot and bring him back to their jungle.

Mother Leopard yells at Discount Baloo and Bushrongi for endangering her cub, then Alex launches into an unfunny standup routine. And it took me this long to realize that Alex is voiced by Tom Kenny. The parrot demands to be taken home, but then he and Bushrongi get into an argument.

"I don't know who I find more annoying, the monkey or the bird..."

The bear tells Alex, "Just because you're from the city doesn't mean you're not one of us. Don't forget your jungle heritage." Alex replies, "Take a chill pill, dude." Because people were still saying that in 2012, right? Alex and Bushrongi argue some more, and then Yuvi tells Alex that he's their only hope - if they're gonna reason with the humans, they're gonna need Alex to be their voice. Alas, Alex is an unlikable jerk and says that he doesn't have time to go from human to human trying to reason with them. At one point during his rant, he brings up Delhi, which as it turns out the animals don't know about. Alex replies, "You don't know Delhi?! It's the capital of our country, Bonehead! You know, CNN, IBM, BBC, ministers, committees, kickbacks, blackmail...." God, I can practically hear Tom Kenny cringing as he's recording this character's dialogue.

Blah blah blah, eventually Yuvi realizes that they just have to go talk to Delhi. Alex is still a stubborn jerk, but then the big mechanical monster things show up again to do more tree-chopping-down-ing, which causes the Mother Leopard to have some flashbacks.

The Mother Leopard decides that Yuvi is right - they have to go to Delhi. This results in Bushrongi coming up with a plan. A plan to get rid of the parrot so that the animals will turn to him, and then Bushrongi will finally be able to have WAR!

Of course, Alex STILL refuses to come along, but the animals decide to SING ANOTHER SONG in order to convince him to come along. And it just goes on FOREVER. Eventually, Alex decides to help... and wait, Yuvi and the pigeon aren't coming along? But it was their idea!

Anyhow, while the Mother Leopard, the bear, Alex and the monkeys are on the train, Bushrongi considers shooting, then taking a chainsaw to, then using a switchblade on Alex (again, one of the good guys!), but eventually decides against it. The train arrives at a station, and there are people outside freaking out because there are animals on it. How did they find out? Well, apparently Yuvi is there... he followed them, I guess. I'm glad he's here, he's one of the only characters in the movie I kinda like.

The exact moment that Yuvi realizes he's in an awful movie.

Fortunately, the animals are able to escape, and Yuvi says that his dad came to him while he was sleeping. Alex and Bushrongi start going at it again, and this is another scene that consists of Bushrongi acting like a violent psycho, Alex making unfunny pop culture references, and me being tempted to turn this movie off.

Then Bushrongi meets back up with his idiot henchmen and takes a leak. I'm not kidding. That's what he does.

Afterwards, Bushrongi tells the others that if they follow the train tracks, they'll get to Delhi. So they do that, but then they come across a fork in the tracks. Alex says, "Common sense?! NONSENSE! Leave it to the monkey! We could end up in Madagascar!" I can't be the only one who thinks that was intended to be a reference to a certain OTHER animated movie, can I?

Then they meet a bat named Rajool (again, I could've spelled his name wrong) voiced by Brian George. He gives them a map, then Alex says, "Do you have a map to help us READ THE MAP?!" Rajool agrees with me and replies, "Hey, I'd go easy on the sarcasm if I was you."

And guess what?! Then we get ANOTHER SONG! This song serves no purpose other than to reiterate the whole "PROTECT THE ENVIRONMENT, YOU IDIOTS!" moral. Let me make something clear: yes, we should protect the environment. However, we don't need the animated bat to perform an awful song about how we should protect the environment.

Anyhow, then the animals travel through a desert, where they encounter a flamingo (Jason Alexander) who promptly starts up ANOTHER SONG. Seriously?! And we get more singing from Alex and Bushrongi. And let me tell you this, Bushrongi can't sing to save his life.

Mother Leopard asks the Flamingo if he can help them find their way to Delhi. The Flamingo warns them to avoid the caves on the other side of the valley, which are the lair of this evil guy named Kaliah (again, I only THINK that's how you spell his name) and his hyenas. Why are hyenas in cartoons always villains? The only good guy hyenas in cartoons I can think of are Hardy Harr Harr and that one hyena from The Lion Guard.

So the Father Leopard comes to Yuvi in his sleep again. Yuvi tries to wake up the others, but Father Leopard tells him that they won't be able to see him like Yuvi can. "None of them know how close I really am," he says. "Only YOU know." He also tells Yuvi to be extra-vigilant, for Yuvi's enemies are at work... and they, too, might be closer than they appear. For example, Bushrongi is trying to off Alex again.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND then Yuvi, Bushrongi and Alex are ambushed by Kaliah (Dave Wittenberg) and the hyenas.

Seriously, they even LOOK LIKE the Hyenas from The Lion King. How blatant
do they need to be?

Kaliah asks a hyena named Ed... I mean, Pierre what's on the menu, and Pierre is all, "WE'RE EATIN' THOSE GUYS OVER THERE!" Bushrongi tries to summon his idiot henchmen, but they're too scared to fight the hyenas. Fortunately, the Mother Leopard shows up, and heck hath no fury like an animal whose cub is in danger.

And here's a screencap of Ed - errr, I mean, Pierre.

Mother Leopard and the bear - I think his name is Bagga, though I probably should have mentioned that earlier - beat up the hyenas, and Alex defeats one by SCREAMING AT IT. Bushrongi feels guilty that he put Yuvi in danger, and just to add insult to injury, now Alex has laryngitis.

The flamingo and his wife (Jane Lynch) tell the animals to go to this wise old hermit named Baba or something, who turns out to be a turtle. Because as we all know, the wisest animals in animation after owls are always turtles.

Boy, Master Oogway has really let himself go...

The solution to Alex's problem, according to the turtle, is a compound consisting of chickory mustard seed, the bark of a tree ground very fine, saffron, and crap like that. Bushrongi is chosen to collect all the ingredients, and we are treated to scene after scene of Bushrongi collecting them and getting into WACKY SHENANIGANS. That night, Bushrongi gets into an argument with his two idiot henchmen.

And it just keeps going and going... seriously, it just feels like the whole movie is dragging on forever and ever.

It turns out that Alex's "laryngitis" got better and I guess he was just pretending otherwise because he found it hilarious seeing Bushrongi get into WACKY SHENANIGANS. Bushrongi is so enraged that he starts chasing after Alex, but ends up ticking off some bees (the leader of which is ALSO voiced by Cary Elwes).

Oh, and did I mention all the slow-motion shots? Yeah, there are a million of THOSE in this movie, too.

Fortunately, the animals come across a... mine shaft? At least, I think it's supposed to be a mine shaft? The bees follow them in, but Yuvi sees a sign with a mine cart on it, so they go in the direction that the sign is pointing in and climb aboard a mine cart.

"Isn't this just like that scene from Indiana Jones?"
"No, no! It's completely different! Really!"

The bees are STILL after them, Bushrongi and Alex are still arguing, Mother Leopard is still mad at Bushrongi, and because they're in a mine cart they end up going on a roller coaster ride. I've admittedly never been in a mine, are mine cart tracks really like this? You know, like roller coasters? Yuvi, Mother Leopard and Bagga end up flying out of the cart, but Alex's foot is stuck, which Bushrongi considers karma. Eventually Bushrongi and Alex end up flying out of the mine and onto the ground below. The bees bug off (pardon the pun) and Bushrongi and Alex realize that they were jerks.

That night, the animals meet a tiger (Troy Baker) who explains that he's the only tiger left in the area thanks to those pesky humans, and he's pretending to be a cat in order to avoid being hunted as well. Alex gives a big speech about how he now realizes how important it is to save our jungles, only for Mother Leopard to announce that they're not going to Delhi - she believes that all humans are evil and she doesn't want anyone else getting hurt. Then Yuvi sees his father again, and this time Bagga can see him too. He tells Mother Leopard that she just has to look in Yuvi. I will give credit where credit is due, this IS an admittedly decent scene, mainly due to the performances that Tara Strong, Tom Kenny, Troy Baker, and Brad Garrett give.

Long story short, everyone can see the Father Leopard now, and they go on their way accompanied by (sigh) ANOTHER SONG. Eventually they arrive in Dehli and the Mother Leopard comes up with a plan (after a long rant from Bagga about how they don't have a plan) - to jump out of the truck that they're hiding in and freak everyone out, causing them to pursue them and then some guys from CNN with video cameras show up. This is Alex's cue to sing a song about how the jungles need to be protected. That doesn't work, then Alex tells the others that the song was just him getting their attention and gives a big speech in which he begs the people to listen to what the song was about as opposed to just laughing at the singing parrot.

After a montage, the Prime Minister arrives to hear what the Tom Kenny-voiced parrot has to say. Alex tells the people that millions of animals are coming to attack them, and that they won't stop until all humans are either extinct or in a cage. Then he says that this isn't true, but wouldn't it be terrifying if that DID happen? "Because that's how you made US feel. Every day. For CENTURIES. You ATTACK us, with your GUNS, your BULLDOZERS, your POLLUTION," the bird says. "Do you think that we feel nothing? Isn't our habitat our HOME?" And again, I gotta admit, this is a pretty powerful scene. Props to Tom Kenny.

It works - the Prime Minister gives a press conference to save wildlife and stop deforestation. An animal rights law is made, the new condo is cancelled, everyone's happy, the end.

And here's a picture of the cute leopard cub to end this review on a positive note.

So, is Dehli Safari a good movie? Yeah, no. There's a lot to dislike about it. The animation is mediocre (though I've seen worse). The songs are awful. The jokes aren't funny. Many of the characters are either boring (the Mother Leopard), unlikable (Bushrongi) or annoying (the flamingos). Talented people like Christopher Lloyd, Jason Alexander, and Carlos Alazraqui are wasted (especially Christopher Lloyd - why couldn't the pigeon have come along?). And the film blatantly plagiarizes The Lion King several times. But I will say this - near the end of the film, it DOES get a little better. The message is solid. I admittedly kind of liked the leopard cub and the bear. And Tara Strong, Brad Garrett, and Tom Kenny give good performances. So, yeah, there are some good things about it, but all in all I don't think this movie is worth your time.

One more thing - protect the environment and animals. PLEASE. It's their planet too. And if you don't, we'll likely get even more movies like this.

P.S. I like how Yuvi - who I'm pretty sure is intended to be the film's main character - isn't even featured on the poster at the top of the review. Clearly it was much more important to have Bushrongi's two idiot sidekicks and the flamingos on there than the film's MAIN CHARACTER. Yeah...

P.P.S. I also like how they've got Jane Lynch in the top billing when her character barely did anything of importance. Could've put Tara Strong, Tom Kenny, and/or Carlos Alazraqui's names in the top billing, too. Just saying.

Let's Watch This - An Episode of "My Gym Partner's a Monkey"

As I've said before, Cartoon Network was in a strange place during the 2000s. Classic cartoons - the reason why the channel was made in the first place - could only be found on Boomerang, and shows like The Powerpuff Girls and Johnny Bravo had come to an end, to be replaced by a mixed bag of children's programming. Remember Squirrel Boy? That show is from this era. Tickle U? Also from this era. And who can forget their attempt at launching into LIVE ACTION PROGRAMMING?

"Dude, what would happen... if Cartoon Network started airing live action programming?"
"Dude, that's a stupid idea. It's the CARTOON NETWORK. It's supposed to air CARTOONS."
"Dude, I don't care! There's money to be made here! Maybe. I don't know."

This eventually came to an end in 2010 with the premiere of Adventure Time, launching the channel into a new era of quality entertainment... that came to an end just a few years later. After 2013, Cartoon Network entered another "Dork Age". For example, they became obsessed with airing this show...

I admittedly think the hatred for this show is overblown, but yeah, it's pretty bad.

And then they unleashed THIS abomination onto the world...

This show is the reason I spent much of 2015 and 2016 hating Tom Kenny.
Yes, this show actually made me hate Tom Kenny for a while. I am not kidding.

And the shows they were airing that people actually LIKED - Adventure Time, Steven Universe, etc. - barely got any airtime. Boomerang wasn't doing so hot either, it started airing cartoons that were still airing on Cartoon Network (despite the fact that the whole point of Boomerang was for it to air shows that Cartoon Network wasn't airing anymore) and barely even aired much in the way of old cartoons. Remember when Boomerang aired Wally Gator cartoons? Yeah, me too.

But anyhow, back to the 2000s. 2006 (the same year that Squirrel Boy was unleashed onto the world) saw the premiere of a show called My Gym Partner's a Monkey.

I hate having to quote the Nostalgia Critic, but I have to say this: MONKEYS AREN'T FUNNY. Characters like, say, Mason and Phil from the Madagascar movies aren't funny simply because they're primates. And yet, since... I don't know, the 1960s... people have automatically assumed that "Primates = Instant Laughs". I'm guessing that's how this show got made (or at the very least why it's called My Gym Partner's a Monkey as opposed to My Gym Partner's a Wombat or My Gym Partner's a Coati or something like that).

The show's plot is this - Adam Lyon (voiced by Nika Futterman) once went to a perfectly normal middle school with human students, but then one day a spelling error results in people thinking that his surname is "Lion" and he gets sent to a school for animals. He befriends a gorilla named Windsor (Rick Gomez), a python named Slips (also Rick Gomez), a toucan named Lupe (Grey Griffin), a giraffe named Ingrid (also Grey Griffin), and a spidermonkey named Jake (voiced by Tom Kenny, because if it was made by Cartoon Network in the 2000s, there's a very good chance that Tom Kenny's in it. He even lent his voice to bumpers for that Tickle U thing). Episode plotlines include...

- Everyone thinking Slips is spreading a virus after he sheds his skin

- A platypus voiced by Gilbert Gottfried showing up at the school and being revealed to be an alien

- Adam getting scorn because his job requires him to wear a gorilla costume

- Jake getting sent to a school for plants (don't ask)

- And a parody of High School Musical for some reason

Yeah, it's a strange little show with three main sources of humor. In order, they are...

1) "Monkeys = Funny"

2) "Butts = Funny"

AND 3) "Characters Acting Like Idiots = Funny"

Despite all of this, the show was apparently popular enough that it got FOUR SEASONS. Maybe it's actually much better than it looks? Spoiler alert: NO. Why is the show less fun than a barrel of monkeys? Let's find out.

We'll be watching two episodes today: "Chew On This" and "The A Word".

After the theme song (which mainly consists of Adam trying to carry a tune and failing at it and Jake shouting "MONKEY! MONKEY! MONKEY!"), "Chew On This" begins with Adam waiting in line to get lunch from the cafeteria. The lunch lady, an elephant named Mrs. Tusk (Cree Summer), gives him a dirt and worms sandwich, but Adam turns her down. At the cafeteria table, Jake offers Adam some of HIS dirt and worms sandwich, but Adam turns him down too. "This cafeteria never has anything for ME to eat!" he complains.

Is it just me, or does Jake not look anything like an actual spider-monkey?
Honestly, I'm surprised that they even bothered to specify what species of monkey
he was at all...

Then we cut to Gym Class. The coach is a fish whose shtick is that she's a girl very obviously voiced by a man (Brian Doyle-Murray, to be precise). Because that's always funny, right? Though I will admit that Lupe getting hit with the punching bag did get a chuckle out of me, so there's that.

Adam is failing miserably at chin-ups (to be fair, though, chin-ups are HARD). He admits to Coach Bryan Doyle-Murray that he's feeling a bit lightheaded, which gets the coach all worked up. "CODE BLUE! CODE BLUE!" he shouts into a megaphone, and soon Adam is in the nurse's office.

In the Nurse's office, the nurse (Grey Griffin) gets worked up when Adam admits that he didn't eat lunch that day and claims that he has an eating disorder. Then Adam is sent to the office of the school's guidance counselor, Mr. Mandrill (Maurice LaMarche). "I'm just not gonna eat twigs and bugs for lunch!" he tells Mr. Mandrill, which gets Mr. Mandrill all worked up, too. "He's on a hunger strike!" Mr. Mandrill exclaims. Then Adam winds up in the principal's office, where Principal Pixiefrog (also Maurice LaMarche) responds to Adam's saying that he doesn't want to cause any trouble, he just wants to be able to eat SOMETHING at lunch by - of course - getting all worked up because he thinks ADAM IS PLANNING TO SUE THE SCHOOL. I am not making that up.

Soon, the lunch menu in the cafeteria looks like this...

Quick question - are any of the students at this school COWS? If so, I really hope
none of them look into what the hamburgers in the cafeteria are made of...

Adam is ecstatic that the cafeteria is finally serving things that he can eat, but the other students aren't as thrilled. Jake eats his empty tray. Adam is all "How can you know that it's bad if you haven't even tried it?" to which Jake shouts, "OKAY! KNOCK OFF WITH YOUR PEER PRESSURE, MR. PEER PRESSURE MAN!" and tries a bite. After that, he faints... and then yells, "WHOAAAAAAAAA! THAT'S DELICIOUS!" Why must Jake shout everything that he says? SHOUTING EVERYTHING IS NOT FUNNY EITHER.
So the other animals try their food, too, and they love it. Of course, now ADAM doesn't have any food, and when he goes to get more, Mrs. Tusk tells him that they're sold out. Wah wah wah wah wah...

Adam then runs into Principal Pixiefrog. He's all "So you're not going to sue us now, right?" To which Adam says, "Lawsuits? I just want a corn dog." This freaks Principal Pixiefrog out, and he gives Adam HIS corndogs and runs off shouting, "DON'T SUE US!"

"I'm merrily on my way to nowhere in particular!"

In Gym Class, we see that everyone is now very, very fat. The shark looks like Jabba the Hutt, Lupe looks like that boomerang bird from Angry Birds, and Jake burps because this was the 2000s, when we all became convinced that burping was automatically hilarious. Adam is the only student in the school who's not morbidly obese. Chairs are being broken, for crying out loud. Jake even falls through the floor - but he's okay. "The tremendous girth of my massive bottom broke my fall!" he tells Adam.

Then everyone in the school wants some of Adam's potato tots. Thus, we get that whole "everybody marches towards the main character chanting like zombies" cliche. Adam gets an idea - he climbs up a vine and tells the fatties that the first animal to climb up after him can have his tater tots. "EVERYBODY GRAB A VINE! WE'LL PULL THE CEILING DOWN TO GET THOSE TOTS!" Jake yells. So everyone tries that. But then Adam points out that if the ceiling falls, they'll all get hurt, and the school will get sued. This snaps Principal Pixiefrog out of his junk food-addicted craziness and he tells the other animals to stop.

Adam then says that there should be no more human food in the cafeteria. Principal Pixiefrog agrees... but only if Adam gives him his tater tots. Then Adam makes this face:

I'm not going to say that this should be a meme. It's not funny enough to be one.

Soon everyone is outside, running off all that excess fat. Except for Jake, who has enslaved Adam. Ha ha?

I was not expecting to see THIS in that Planet of the Apes reboot...

And the episode ends with a close-up shot of Principal Pixiefrog's giant rear end. Don't worry, I'll spare you the screencap.

Next up, it's "The A Word".

Adam has an autographed poster of some pop star named "Truffles Duvall" and he thinks that Jake is going to "go bananas" (get it?) when he shows it to him. He wins up running into that shark I mentioned before - his name is Bull Sharkowzki, by the way (and he's voiced by Phil LaMarr) - who gets all agitated and prepares to beat the crap out of Adam.

Then we cut to Jake. He sings one of Truffles' songs and then starts flirting with a poster of her. Adam then shows up, and we see that Bull did indeed beat the crap out of him. AND took his poster. "You really need to learn to stand up for yourself, man!" Jake says. Then Jake, because he's an idiot, promptly forgets that Adam just got beaten up and asks Adam what's new with him. "Jake, I got beat-up by Bull Sharkowzki! All I did was accidentally bump into him and he totally went ape on me!" Adam yells.

Jake becomes depressed because Adam used the phrase "went ape". Why does he care? He's a monkey, not an ape. Anyhow, Jake runs off sobbing and then Lupe and Ingrid show up. Lupe explains to Adam that Jake is "muy sensitivo" and Ingrid suggests that Adam apologize to Jake. Thus, Adam goes off to apologize. Then Lupe yells at Ingrid for hogging the conversation or whatever.
Adam finds Jake and apologizes, but Jake is STILL ungodly depressed. And he makes this face:

Seriously, UGHHHHHH...

Jake tells Adam that now he has a NEW best friend. Specifically, a football. "He actually CARES about my feelings!" Jake insists. "You're really starting to freak me out, Jake," Adam replies (well, that makes two of us). Then Jake pelts Adam with the football.

When Adam wakes up, he finds a flyer with Jake's image on it reading "WANNA BE MY NEW BEST FRIEND? ASK ME HOW." In fact, there are flyers like that all over the school grounds. He runs into Ingrid and Lupe, who are standing in line for the audition to be Jake's best friend (apparently things didn't work out with the football). Ingrid tells Adam that he really let Jake down, even though ADAM MADE AN HONEST MISTAKE AND APOLOGIZED TO JAKE, ONLY FOR JAKE TO REJECT HIS APOLOGY. It's not Adam's fault Jake is an over-dramatic lunatic.

Anyhow, Ingrid goes on to say that it's probably just not in Adam's human nature to realize that animals have feelings too. Adam then starts crying even though, again, Jake is being incredibly over-dramatic. Again, I don't even know why Jake cares - he is not an ape. He is a monkey. I mean, yeah, they're both primates, but so are humans, and we don't care if people use the phrase "went ape".

Also auditioning to be Jake's best friend is a zebra who offers him a Truffles DuVall tank top. This gives Adam an idea as to how to become Jake's best friend again. At this point, I'm not sure why Adam even WANTS to be Jake's best friend again.

Wow, Marty from Madagascar was a real dweeb back in middle school...

Adam's plan is to get back that autographed poster from the beginning of the episode. He thinks that Bull took it after beating him up, so he goes to find Bull - and gets beaten up again (offscreen). But he got the poster back! Even though it's now in two pieces. There's just one problem: Bull wrote "I HATE TRUFFLES DUVALL AND GRRRL POWER STINKS" on the poster, and Jake thinks that Adam wrote it. Then Jake makes this face...

Again, I say UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH...

And then he makes THIS face...

Double UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH...

Jake announces that he never wants to see Adam again, and then an elephant who sounds exactly like Hermes from Futurama throws Adam out of the line. Lupe tells Adam that he needs to learn to take "No" for an answer. Yeah, or maybe Jake needs to learn to let Adam EXPLAIN and not just jump to conclusions. Ingrid says that she can't think of anything that Adam could POSSIBLY do to make Jake like him again - aside from introducing Jake to Truffles Duvall herself, that is. This gives Adam an idea.

I was expecting Adam to actually find Truffles Duvall and introduce Jake to her, but that's not what he does. Instead, he dresses up like Truffles Duvall. Because I really needed to see Adam in drag. Thank you for that. Adam as Truffles Duvall claims that Adam called her and asked her to tell Jake that he's his best friend and that he's very very very very very sorry and blah-blah-blah. But Jake realizes that Adam doesn't SMELL like Truffles Duvall and attacks him, putting two and two together and realizing that it's, in fact, Adam.

Adam tells Jake to just accept his stupid apology already and that he didn't know that "going ape" was considered an insult. Then Jake tells Adam that he doesn't consider "going ape" to be an insult - it's "the ultimate monkey compliment". He was just jealous that Adam said it about Bull and not him. Why he didn't just EXPLAIN THAT TO ADAM BEFORE, I don't know.

Adam is understandably furious that he went through all that for such an incredibly stupid reason and announces that Jake is no longer HIS best friend. So then the episode ends with Jake groveling to Adam and Adam telling him to go away. OH THE IRONY!

What's the Verdict?

Jeez, was that dull. I can't think of one positive thing about it. The jokes are not funny. The characters range from really annoying to just straight-up boring. Tom Kenny and Grey Griffin sound like they're just going through the motions here. Even Maurice LaMarche isn't bringing anything to his characters. Maybe all three noticed how awful the scripts were and didn't think it was worth the effort?

The show throws every cliché from every other show on Cartoon Network at the time at the viewer in the hopes of getting a laugh out of the viewer, and it doesn't work. It's just a dull, dull show with nothing that helps it stand out from any of the other shows that Cartoon Network was crapping out.

And now, to end this review on a positive note, here's a clip from a Cartoon Network show starring a monkey that's actually, you know, GOOD: