Let's Watch This - "The Moo Family Holiday Hoedown" (1992)

Christmas is gettin' a-closer, but there's still plenty of time for me to post another review of an animated Christmas special. And this one has even more cow puns than Wild West C.O.W.-Boys of Moo Mesa.

You're probably wondering just who the Moo Family actually are. Well, they're the brain children of the folks at Calico Entertainment. How they came up with this, I don't know. Maybe somebody working there just one day drove by a farm and said, "Hey! Why don't we do a Christmas special starring a family of anthropomorphic cows?"

You probably recall that Calico Entertainment is also responsible for the infamous Bubsy cartoon pilot. And not only were both productions directed by the same guy, a Mr. Tom Burton, it also features many of the same voice actors. This might be considered a turn-off for some people, but you'll be happy to know (I'm guessing, anyway) that this special is much better than the Bubsy pilot. Does that mean that it's any good? Let's find out...

The special begins with the voice of Rob Paulsen exclaiming, "And now, Moo TV is proud to present, live from the beeeeeeee-yeauiful island of Cowaii, THE MOO FAMILY HOLIDAY HOEDOWN!" 'Cowaii'? They couldn't think of a more clever pun than that? I gotta admit, though, I wasn't expecting a special about farm animals to take place in Hawaii... uh, I mean COWaii... as opposed to, say, Kansas or something...

Why do their "hooves" have fingers? That's not how hooves work!

Okay, so I guess the Moo Family is a family of hillbilly cows who are also famous musicians. And this special will also feature "Santa Cow" (okay, that's a LITTLE better than "Cowaii", but still not particularly funny) and his ace sled jockey, Chuck Steaker. A cow with "steak" in his name? Kind of a dark joke, isn't it?

It's then revealed that the announcer is a chicken named Chick Bantam (who, as I've said before, is voiced by Rob Paulsen), our host for the evening. He introduces the Moo Family.

I'm surprised that at no point during this special does anybody say
"UDDERly" as opposed to "UTTERly".

The Moo Family does a not particularly good song (the Country Bears they aren't). Daddy Moo (Brian Cummings) is annoyed by his son T-Bone (Rob Paulsen again) playing the electric guitar, and eventually they notice that Baby Moo (B.J. Ward) has climbed to the top of the Christmas tree. I like how it's revealed after the tree falls on top of Daddy Moo that it's just a cardboard cutout - I gotta admit, I wasn't expecting that.

After the musical number, Chick dubs the Moo Family "steerific" and "cowlossal" (see what I mean about the cow puns? I hope you find 'em funny, because there are a lot of them) before getting out a crude-looking horse puppet he calls "Melvin the Mustang". "Say, Melvin, did you like that Christmas song?" he asks Melvin. "It makes me feel like singing a real MULEtide carol!" Melvin replies. Chick tells him to go ahead, but Melvin can't - he's feeling a little HORSE. Was this written by Fozzie Bear or something?

Backstage, Daddy Moo (who, by the way, sounds like a cross between Pete and Yosemite Sam) demands to know A) what T-Bone was doing out there with those amplifiers and B) why he has a "cowlick", as Momma Moo (Tress MacNeille doing her best Clarabelle Cow impression) points out. "It's the nineties, Pop! This is how all teenagers in cartoons from the nineties look!" T-Bone replies. "You're always bustin' my chops! Keep your horns on, don't have a human, man."

I kind of agree with Daddy Moo, to be honest... T-Bone DOES look pretty stupid with that "cowlick".

Isn't his hair technically a Mohawk... or, as the Moo Family might say,
a MOOhawk... as opposed to a cowlick?

After that, we cut back to Chick and Melvin's not particularly funny act (though we're probably not actually supposed to find it funny), and then Chick announces that it's time for the revelation of Santa's new turbo-sleigh. They'll be going live via "saddle-lite hookup" (wouldn't the pun "saddle-lite", while kind of clever, be more fitting in a cartoon about horses?) to the North Pole to join another member of the Moo Family, Patty Moo (B.J. Ward), for an interview with Santa Cow (Jim Cummings) and Chuck Steaker (Patrick Fraley). "It's not the technology that matters, Patty," Chuck boasts. "It's the sled jockey who makes them." Meanwhile, I'm just wondering where Santa's reindeer are. They weren't rendered obsolete when Chuck invented this new "turbo-sleigh", were they? Then again, it's entirely possible that this "Santa Cow" character isn't supposed to be the same guy as Santa Claus, but merely their cow equivalent. Who knows?

Apparently, most of the turbo-sleigh is strung together with bailing wire and spare tractor parts. And apparently Chuck is a massive idiot because he hasn't even tested it, so this will be its first time up. Santa Cow isn't too pleased to hear that. "THE FIRST TIME UP?! WHAT ARE YOU, NUTS?!" he shouts.

"My sled jockey is a pompous idiot! WHY AM I JUST REALIZING THAT NOW?!"

The turbo-sleigh is revealed, and we get some early nineties CGI. Chuck decides to "see what this heifer can do", but wouldn't ya know it, it ends up going haywire. Guess you should've, I don't know, TESTED IT, eh, Chuck?

Chick announces that everyone is doing their part to find Chuck - for example, T-Bone is searching for Chuck with his "ham radio". To help clarify the complexities of this situation, Chick introduces science expert Dr. Albert Holstein (also voiced by Jim Cummings doing his best Ludwig Von Drake impression). "First," Dr. Holstein explains, "We've gotta analyze this predickle-a-ment. This is how the whole mess got started. First, the one cow jumps over the moon! Zappo! He's over the moon! That's one cow!" I think I'm going to like this Dr. Holstein. Of course, much of that probably stems from the fact that he's voiced by Jim Cummings.

So anyhow, Dr. Holstein goes into a ramble about cows trying to fly, and apparently this causes gravity to get confused (like me), which causes a "mootation" in the time/space continuum. "And you know what THAT MEANS?" Dr. Holstein demands. "Well, I'm not so sure myself. But I think it means Christmas gets one day ahead of itself! So every year, Christmas will be TOMORROW!"

Any particular reason this special couldn't have been all about him? Seriously, this entire special could've just been about this guy rambling about cows attempting to fly and I would've been satisfied.

Maybe Disney should buy the rights to this special so they can make a TV
special co-hosted by Dr. Holestein and Ludwig Von Drake. I'd watch that.

Then T-Bone gets a "Hayday" call from Chuck. Dr. Holstein dubs this impossible because according to his "cowculations", Chuck is somewhere "over the horn of Africow". Or maybe he's somewhere "near the Moosissipi River". I'm starting to wonder if the writers got a big book called "One Thousand Jokes About Cows" or something and THAT'S what inspired them to make this special.

But then T-Bone spots Chuck flying out of the sky - and he's headed straight for the barn! He ends up crashing, but don't worry, he's fine - just a bit dazed. "Bulldacious landing, dude!" T-Bone compliments him. Momma Moo asks if he's sure that he's all right, to which Chuck responds, "Me? No problemoo." The turbo-sleigh, meanwhile, is totaled. Apparently, there's a problem with the "cattle-lytic converter". But that's nothing that Dr. Holstein can't fix. They still need a power source to get the machine off the ground, but T-Bone has an idea: they can use his "mega-powered" amplifiers! Chuck loves the idea, and Daddy Moo starts acting like just a few scenes ago he wasn't chewing out T-Bone for using those amplifiers.

So we then cut to them fixing the sleigh. Daddy Moo suggests that they bring in the "automoobile" for extra power. That "automoobile" wouldn't happen to be a CATTLE-ac, would it?









Hey, if the writers can make cow puns, then so can I. Momma Moo tells him that Grandpa Moo (Patrick Fraley) is one step ahead of him. The one problem with this is that Grandpa Moo drives about as well as Mr. Toad, and he ends up smashing the car into the sleigh. Don't worry, it apparently doesn't do much damage.

Baby Moo then spots her bottle on top of one of the amplifiers (how it got up there, I don't know) and climbs up to grab it. Uh oh, I smell SHENANIGANS!

"What do you say we stampede out of here?" Chuck suggests after hopping inside the turbo-sleigh. Dr. Holstein says that the gauge will have to reach "maximum cow-power" to get up into the air, so T-Bone has to "hoof it". Daddy Moo gives him a "helping hoof", and then Momma Moo points out that Baby Moo is about to fall off the giant tower of amplifiers. Daddy Moo runs to save her, but she ends up in Momma Moo's arms, while Daddy Moo is the victim of SHENANIGANS!

But it worked! In fact, the explosion from the amplifiers somehow "mootated" the turbo-sleigh and the Moo Family's "automoobile" into a single contraption with hover power (and a great paint job). This means that EVERYONE can go to the North Pole to visit Santa Cow! I'm pretty sure that's not how amplifiers work, but eh, if the characters are happy then who am I to complain?

I honestly can't think of a funny caption here... so instead, I'll just say hi.

At the North Pole, Chick announces that Santa Cow will be able to go on his Christmas tour as planned thanks to the Moo Family. Although I would like to point out that Grandma Moo (Tress MacNeille) did jack-squat to help save Christmas - in fact, she only had one line in the whole special. Come to think of it, Patty didn't do anything to help save Christmas either. But eh...

And so we end on another song and Santa Cow wishing us a merry Christmas and a happy "moo year".

So, what do I think of The Moo Family Holiday Hoedown? Honestly, I was pleasantly surprised. I mean, it's certainly no A Charlie Brown Christmas, but it's actually a lot less corny than I expected it to be. If nothing else, it had decent voice acting and I really liked Santa Cow and Dr. Holstein. I'd recommend giving it a watch, if you can stomach all of those cow puns.

Further Reading:
Platypus Comix's review of the special

Let's Watch This - The Berenstain Bears' Christmas Tree (1979)

First things first: yes, I did indeed have to look up how "Berenstain" was spelled.

Now that that's out of the way, MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYBODY! I love Christmas! It is indeed the most wonderful time of the year. You've got gift-giving and gift-receiving, great food, crowded shopping malls, and of course Christmas movies, TV specials, and TV show episodes. And with so, so many of those to choose from, I have lots of reviewing material for holiday seasons for years to come.

The hard part, of course, is that there's already Platypus Comix's The Island of Misfit Christmas Specials, which already does humorous reviews of obscure Christmas specials. In fact, today I'm reviewing a special that very site has already reviewed. I'm not expecting my review to be better than theirs, but I'm hoping that it'll at least keep you entertained.

Now, let's talk about the Berenstain Bears - Mama, Papa, Sister and Brother.

Yes, apparently some bears decided to give their cub the name "Papa" long before they had any idea that he would have cubs of his own. And there were also some bears who decided to give THEIR cub the name "Mama" long before they had any idea that SHE would have cubs of her own. Also, Brother was originally named "Small Bear" before Sister was born. Ignoring the fact that Mama and Papa seriously called their cub "Small Bear" instead of giving him an actual name, they were seriously too lazy to think of names for their cubs and just decided to call them "Sister" and "Brother"? Do bears just suck at giving names to their cub or something?

The four (now five) bears made their debut in 1962 and since then there's been toys and stage shows and museum exhibits and entire sections of theme parks based on them, and of course they've wound up on television as well (it was announced in 2009 that a movie about them was in production, but I'm not sure if it still is). You probably remember the 2003 show simply called The Berenstain Bears on PBS Kids, but predating that show is ANOTHER cartoon that first aired in 1985 on CBS, also simply called The Berenstain Bears. And predating THAT were some television specials starring the Bears, the first of which we'll be looking at today - The Berenstain Bears' Christmas Tree, which aired in 1979.

Here's a fun fact for you before we begin... I typed up the first draft of this review all the way back in 2016. However, I thought the review wasn't funny in the slightest and deleted it. Which was a pretty stupid thing for me to do - I mean, the reviews that I HAVE posted on this blog weren't funny either, but I still posted them!

Anyway, on with the review... it's the holiday season in Bear Country. Mama (Pat Lysinger), Brother (Jonathan Lewis) and Sister (Gabriela Glatzer) are preparing for the season by decorating their house when Papa Bear (Ron McLarty) comes in with a large salmon. He ends up tripping on a roller skate, resulting in WACKY SHENANIGANS!

"Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelp meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..."

The only think left to do is get a Christmas tree. A big fat tree full of needles and crannies and nooks. A tree that they can put their billions of Christmas crap on.

Papa's fashion sense is... let's just say, lacking.

Thus, Papa and the cubs decide to head out and find themselves a tree. Mama doesn't go with them, for some reason, but as they're leaving she advises them to buy their tree from local Christmas Tree salesbear Grizzly Gus. Papa, of course, doesn't want to do that - he wants to go out and chop down a tree himself!

As they head off, the narrator (also Ron McLarty) tells us - even though it's pretty obvious already - that Papa's not exactly the sharpest tool in the shed. "I will find the right tree if it takes us a week!" Papa boasts, even though Christmas is apparently  only hours away. Who the heck buys a Christmas tree on the day before Christmas?!

Then we get a strange musical number with Papa and the cubs prancing around with dancing trees and stuff like that. I always appreciate a good Disney Acid Sequence, but geez, the Bears can't sing at all. I can excuse the cubs since, you know, they're kids, but Papa is starting to sound like a bad Tony the Tiger impression.

If you time it right, you can pinpoint the exact moment that Papa snaps.

The song also features some dancing lobsters. Are lobsters a particularly Christmassy thing? I dunno, but I love the design of these guys, so I'll allow it.

Hey, it's a Lobster Quadrille!

The narrator then says that Papa is forgetting something: Christmas is more than just tinsel and sugar-nut bars and the tree, it's about giving and thinking of others and blah-blah-blah.

Why are the Bears so freaked out?
Well, this IS a Christmas special, so maybe they just ran into a red-nosed
reindeer or a living snowman or something like that?

The bears find a great tree, although I'm not sure if it'll fit in their house. But before Papa can chop it down, Sister points out that it's inhabited - by a skunk, some squirrels, a grouse, a break-dancing chipmunk, and twenty-six crows who promptly go all Alfred Hitchcock on the bears. Surprisingly, the skunk doesn't spray Papa. Usually, if you're in a cartoon and you run into a skunk, it sprays you.

Boy, who would've guessed that Flower from Bambi had a temper?

So off the bears go, with Papa boasting about how he will find them the right tree even if it takes them a million years. There's a gag here where they remind us of just how stupid Papa is by having him ask Brother what his name is - which, as it turns out, is Papa Q. Bear. The question as to why some bears named their son "Papa" before he had cubs of his own remains unanswered (I know that I already brought that up before, but hey...).

Snow begins to fall as the Bears sing that song from before again. Alas, the dancing trees and trippy visuals don't reappear, although we do have Papa shouting "CHOCOLATE-COVERED SNAILS!"

Oh yeah, and there's this Running Gag where Papa's eyes do this.

They find another tree, and Papa is all, "I'M A-CHOPPIN' IT!" But wouldn't you know it, this tree happens to be the home of an eagle. And a hawk.

"What do you say, Ted? I take the cubs, you take the fat one?"
"It's a deal."

And a great snowy owl.

Methinks that one too many people asked him how many licks it takes to get
to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop...

And a wolf that honestly looks more like a gray wildcat than a wolf.

I think it's the whiskers that are throwing me off...

The eagle, as it turns out, is a tad psychotic, as it swipes Papa's ax and chases the Bears with it.

Okay, I know this is an obvious joke, but what the heck...
"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE'S JOHNNY!"

The snow, it's a comin'-down, and it's already up to the Bears' gizzards. Papa, of course, doesn't get the hint that, hey, maybe they should head back and just buy a tree from Grizzly Gus, and keeps rambling on about how he's gonna find the best Christmas tree in the history of Christmas trees.

And then he finally DOES find a tree. This time, however, he's smart enough to check if the tree is inhabited before chopping it down. As it turns out, it is - by a family of snowbirds dressed like the Bears. They're decorating a twig with seeds.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH! A GORG!"

This makes Papa finally realize that Christmas isn't about the tree or how Christmassy you are, it's about thinking of others. So he spares the tree and tells the cubs that they'll just buy their tree from Grizzly Gus. The cubs for whatever reason aren't satisfied by this. Nonetheless, Papa whips up some makeshift skis for them to use for them to head down the mountain with.

Magical skis, in fact, considering that they can use them to fly.

But, D'OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH! Grizzly Gus is fresh out of trees. That's what happens when you wait until the day before Christmas to get a tree. Not to worry, though - the animals decided to thank the bears for sparing their homes by decorating the Bears' house. And as if that wasn't enough, the Christmas Star appears, bringing bears from all over to bask in the Christmas awesomeness.

Or maybe a satellite exploded or something?

Everybody sings a song about what Christmas is REALLY about... and as it turns out, the animals can talk too. Wait, if they can talk, why didn't they just calmly explain to the Bears that they didn't want them chopping their tree down instead of attacking them?

"God bless us, every one!"

And then the special ends with the Bears about to scarf down that salmon. Sister points out that this goes against the whole "thinking of others" moral, but Papa's hungry, so he doesn't give a rat's tail. The end.

My apologies for whatever nightmares this screencap causes you.

While this is no A Charlie Brown Christmas, it is, I will say, a pleasant little special. The animation is... okay. The voice acting is... okay. The songs are... okay (even if Papa can't sing). It's got a good moral. I'm not sure why it hasn't re-aired all that often.

Sooooooo... was this review funny? Like, at all? I'm hoping that it's funnier than my first, now-deleted review.

P.S. Here's a link to that aforementioned Platypus Comix review of the same special.