Let's Watch This - The Berenstain Bears' Christmas Tree (1979)

First things first: yes, I did indeed have to look up how "Berenstain" was spelled.

Now that that's out of the way, MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYBODY! I love Christmas! It is indeed the most wonderful time of the year. You've got gift-giving and gift-receiving, great food, crowded shopping malls, and of course Christmas movies, TV specials, and TV show episodes. And with so, so many of those to choose from, I have lots of reviewing material for holiday seasons for years to come.

The hard part, of course, is that there's already Platypus Comix's The Island of Misfit Christmas Specials, which already does humorous reviews of obscure Christmas specials. In fact, today I'm reviewing a special that very site has already reviewed. I'm not expecting my review to be better than theirs, but I'm hoping that it'll at least keep you entertained.

Now, let's talk about the Berenstain Bears - Mama, Papa, Sister and Brother.

Yes, apparently some bears decided to give their cub the name "Papa" long before they had any idea that he would have cubs of his own. And there were also some bears who decided to give THEIR cub the name "Mama" long before they had any idea that SHE would have cubs of her own. Also, Brother was originally named "Small Bear" before Sister was born. Ignoring the fact that Mama and Papa seriously called their cub "Small Bear" instead of giving him an actual name, they were seriously too lazy to think of names for their cubs and just decided to call them "Sister" and "Brother"? Do bears just suck at giving names to their cub or something?

The four (now five) bears made their debut in 1962 and since then there's been toys and stage shows and museum exhibits and entire sections of theme parks based on them, and of course they've wound up on television as well (it was announced in 2009 that a movie about them was in production, but I'm not sure if it still is). You probably remember the 2003 show simply called The Berenstain Bears on PBS Kids, but predating that show is ANOTHER cartoon that first aired in 1985 on CBS, also simply called The Berenstain Bears. And predating THAT were some television specials starring the Bears, the first of which we'll be looking at today - The Berenstain Bears' Christmas Tree, which aired in 1979.

Here's a fun fact for you before we begin... I typed up the first draft of this review all the way back in 2016. However, I thought the review wasn't funny in the slightest and deleted it. Which was a pretty stupid thing for me to do - I mean, the reviews that I HAVE posted on this blog weren't funny either, but I still posted them!

Anyway, on with the review... it's the holiday season in Bear Country. Mama (Pat Lysinger), Brother (Jonathan Lewis) and Sister (Gabriela Glatzer) are preparing for the season by decorating their house when Papa Bear (Ron McLarty) comes in with a large salmon. He ends up tripping on a roller skate, resulting in WACKY SHENANIGANS!

"Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelp meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..."

The only think left to do is get a Christmas tree. A big fat tree full of needles and crannies and nooks. A tree that they can put their billions of Christmas crap on.

Papa's fashion sense is... let's just say, lacking.

Thus, Papa and the cubs decide to head out and find themselves a tree. Mama doesn't go with them, for some reason, but as they're leaving she advises them to buy their tree from local Christmas Tree salesbear Grizzly Gus. Papa, of course, doesn't want to do that - he wants to go out and chop down a tree himself!

As they head off, the narrator (also Ron McLarty) tells us - even though it's pretty obvious already - that Papa's not exactly the sharpest tool in the shed. "I will find the right tree if it takes us a week!" Papa boasts, even though Christmas is apparently  only hours away. Who the heck buys a Christmas tree on the day before Christmas?!

Then we get a strange musical number with Papa and the cubs prancing around with dancing trees and stuff like that. I always appreciate a good Disney Acid Sequence, but geez, the Bears can't sing at all. I can excuse the cubs since, you know, they're kids, but Papa is starting to sound like a bad Tony the Tiger impression.

If you time it right, you can pinpoint the exact moment that Papa snaps.

The song also features some dancing lobsters. Are lobsters a particularly Christmassy thing? I dunno, but I love the design of these guys, so I'll allow it.

Hey, it's a Lobster Quadrille!

The narrator then says that Papa is forgetting something: Christmas is more than just tinsel and sugar-nut bars and the tree, it's about giving and thinking of others and blah-blah-blah.

Why are the Bears so freaked out?
Well, this IS a Christmas special, so maybe they just ran into a red-nosed
reindeer or a living snowman or something like that?

The bears find a great tree, although I'm not sure if it'll fit in their house. But before Papa can chop it down, Sister points out that it's inhabited - by a skunk, some squirrels, a grouse, a break-dancing chipmunk, and twenty-six crows who promptly go all Alfred Hitchcock on the bears. Surprisingly, the skunk doesn't spray Papa. Usually, if you're in a cartoon and you run into a skunk, it sprays you.

Boy, who would've guessed that Flower from Bambi had a temper?

So off the bears go, with Papa boasting about how he will find them the right tree even if it takes them a million years. There's a gag here where they remind us of just how stupid Papa is by having him ask Brother what his name is - which, as it turns out, is Papa Q. Bear. The question as to why some bears named their son "Papa" before he had cubs of his own remains unanswered (I know that I already brought that up before, but hey...).

Snow begins to fall as the Bears sing that song from before again. Alas, the dancing trees and trippy visuals don't reappear, although we do have Papa shouting "CHOCOLATE-COVERED SNAILS!"

Oh yeah, and there's this Running Gag where Papa's eyes do this.

They find another tree, and Papa is all, "I'M A-CHOPPIN' IT!" But wouldn't you know it, this tree happens to be the home of an eagle. And a hawk.

"What do you say, Ted? I take the cubs, you take the fat one?"
"It's a deal."

And a great snowy owl.

Methinks that one too many people asked him how many licks it takes to get
to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop...

And a wolf that honestly looks more like a gray wildcat than a wolf.

I think it's the whiskers that are throwing me off...

The eagle, as it turns out, is a tad psychotic, as it swipes Papa's ax and chases the Bears with it.

Okay, I know this is an obvious joke, but what the heck...
"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE'S JOHNNY!"

The snow, it's a comin'-down, and it's already up to the Bears' gizzards. Papa, of course, doesn't get the hint that, hey, maybe they should head back and just buy a tree from Grizzly Gus, and keeps rambling on about how he's gonna find the best Christmas tree in the history of Christmas trees.

And then he finally DOES find a tree. This time, however, he's smart enough to check if the tree is inhabited before chopping it down. As it turns out, it is - by a family of snowbirds dressed like the Bears. They're decorating a twig with seeds.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH! A GORG!"

This makes Papa finally realize that Christmas isn't about the tree or how Christmassy you are, it's about thinking of others. So he spares the tree and tells the cubs that they'll just buy their tree from Grizzly Gus. The cubs for whatever reason aren't satisfied by this. Nonetheless, Papa whips up some makeshift skis for them to use for them to head down the mountain with.

Magical skis, in fact, considering that they can use them to fly.

But, D'OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH! Grizzly Gus is fresh out of trees. That's what happens when you wait until the day before Christmas to get a tree. Not to worry, though - the animals decided to thank the bears for sparing their homes by decorating the Bears' house. And as if that wasn't enough, the Christmas Star appears, bringing bears from all over to bask in the Christmas awesomeness.

Or maybe a satellite exploded or something?

Everybody sings a song about what Christmas is REALLY about... and as it turns out, the animals can talk too. Wait, if they can talk, why didn't they just calmly explain to the Bears that they didn't want them chopping their tree down instead of attacking them?

"God bless us, every one!"

And then the special ends with the Bears about to scarf down that salmon. Sister points out that this goes against the whole "thinking of others" moral, but Papa's hungry, so he doesn't give a rat's tail. The end.

My apologies for whatever nightmares this screencap causes you.

While this is no A Charlie Brown Christmas, it is, I will say, a pleasant little special. The animation is... okay. The voice acting is... okay. The songs are... okay (even if Papa can't sing). It's got a good moral. I'm not sure why it hasn't re-aired all that often.

Sooooooo... was this review funny? Like, at all? I'm hoping that it's funnier than my first, now-deleted review.

P.S. Here's a link to that aforementioned Platypus Comix review of the same special.