You know, say whatever you want about McDonald's, I'll agree that their food isn't that great... but they did have some wonderful advertising. Characters like Ronald McDonald, Grimace, and the Hamburgular stick in our minds because they're colorful, whimsical, and loveable. Which makes it all the more frustrating that you so rarely see these characters nowadays. I'm pretty sure Super Size Me (you know, that documentary that painted McDonald's as EEEEEEEEEEE-VIL and taught the lesson that eating nothing but McDonald's for a week isn't good for you? As if we needed a documentary to tell us that) is to blame for this.
The good news is, it seems as though the characters are making a comeback. McDonald's is currently doing a promotion to celebrate Grimace's birthday, with one or two new commercials featuring him and the other McDonald's characters and a new "Grimace Shake" on the menu (which I've heard lousy things about), which is the main reason I'm posting this review now. Still missing, oddly enough, is Ronald McDonald himself. Maybe he'll show up again at some point.
But before the Fun Police came along and ruined everything, Ronald McDonald and his friends were beloved characters. So it's not too surprising that at one point they decided to do a cartoon about them. Problem was, there was some sort of rule in the 1990s that prevented advertising mascots from having their own shows (which is why a planned show about Chester Cheetah never came to be), presumably because those shows would likely just come across as extended advertisements. So instead, McDonald's teamed up with Klasky-Csupo to do a series of direct-to-video movies starring Ronald and his crew, titled The Wacky Adventures of Ronald McDonald.
The first of these videos was Scared Silly, released in October 1998. After that, five more videos were released before they just... stopped making them. You could buy the VHSes at McDonald's locations, or online at the Klasky-Csupo website's gift shop (which was shut down in 2005). They're now an odd little footnote in McDonald's history, but they do have their fans, and these fans are doing their best to make sure these videos aren't forgotten.
I've been tempted to review one of these Wacky Adventures for a while, but two things have kept me from doing so until now...
1) The blog Nothing But Cartoons already did a hilarious review of Scared Silly and I felt like I'd probably wind up repeating most of their critiques and jokes if I tried to review that or any of the other ones (I'm still kind of afraid of that, honestly).
AND 2) Which one do I do? Scared Silly is out for the reasons I've already brought up, but there's still five more I can look at. FIVE MORE. Do I review the one where Hamburgular is abducted by aliens? The one where they encounter the Loch Ness Monster? The one where Mayor McCheese actually makes a cameo appearance?
Well, finally, I found out that the second video in the series is actually really, really weird. It's the one where they actually answer the question that's been plaguing our minds for years since the character first appeared in commercials for McDonald's milkshakes - WHAT THE HECK IS GRIMACE? So I decided to review that one. Released on January 22nd, 1999, this is The Wacky Adventures of Ronald McDonald: The Legend of Grimace Island.
DISCLAIMER: Animation and All Things Related is not responsible if by reading this post you get a craving for a Big Mac, a McFlurry, a Quarter Pounder, Chicken McNuggets, a Fillet-O-Fish, an Egg McMuffin, or any other type of food that McDonald's sells or has sold in the past. The actual cartoons don't actually have much in the way of advertising for McDonald's food (the closest thing we get is the presence of sentient Chicken McNuggets). If you're really that hungry after reading this, just have a banana or something.
The title card is purple so those that can't read will know the focus of this one is Grimace. |
So, it's a beautiful morning in McDonaldland. The sky is yellow as opposed to blue, a rooster can be heard crowing in the background (or perhaps it's actually saying "HELP! THE FOLKS AT KFC ARE TRYING TO MAKE ME INTO A SIDE DISH!"), the camera tilts awkwardly as it zooms in on Ronald's gloriously cartoony-looking abode... remember when McDonald's restaurants were actually allowed to look fun and colorful like this? Now they all just look like drab brown and grey coffee shops. Whee.
I especially love that the house is shaped like the iconic Golden Arches, just in case you couldn't tell that Ronald McDonald lives there. |
The beginning of this video is actually in live action. We see live action Ronald being woken up by his dog, Sundae (voiced by Dee Bradley Baker), a character you probably don't recognize because he never appeared in any of the ads. He was just made up for the videos. Also, I like how Ronald's bed looks like a giant hamburger, with the cheese, lettuce, tomatoes etc. being the covers.
There's also a gag where Ronald wipes the dust off some framed photos of his friends, and then the photos spin around and suddenly they're featuring the animated versions of his friends as opposed to the live action versions.
"Those Klasky-Csupo guys just can't get my nose right..." |
The intro culminates in Ronald trying on random outfits (a firefighter outfit, a spacesuit), which Sundae rejects, before deciding on his usual red, yellow and white duds. Do you think they do that every morning? Ronald goes through a bunch of different outfits we never see him wearing before Sundae says, "Come on, Ronald, just put on the same thing you wear every day."?
So, is that what Sundae just naturally looks like or is he wearing makeup? If it's the latter, I don't think it's right to put clown makeup on your dogs. |
After the intro, we see that it's snowing in McDonaldland, so Ronald is inside working on a ship in a bottle. I have absolutely no idea how anyone actually builds a ship in a bottle. And I never have. I've never even tried, it sounds so incredibly hard. I don't think I could even build a ship OUTSIDE of a bottle.
Apologies if you'll be seeing Sundae in your nightmares tonight. |
Ronald's ship-in-a-bottle-building is suddenly interrupted by a red light (the kind you see on submarines) going off accompanied by what sounds like a bell ringing. Sundae heads over to Ronald's computer and presses a button that causes a really, really creepy-looking CGI Grimace to appear on the screen. Then Ronald, after some WHACKY SHENANIGANS involving him getting his finger stuck in the bottle, comes over to the computer as well.
Even for 1999, this CGI looks awful. |
The creepy CGI Grimace (voiced by Kevin Michael Richardson) tells Ronald that he just got a letter, but he hasn't opened it yet so he doesn't know what it says. He opens it, and it says "Dear Grimace, we need your help. You're our only hope. Save us, please. There's a treasure if you do. Signed, all the Grimaces of Grimace Island."
I do kind of wish they'd put a little more thought into the name of Grimace's species. Just saying "Oh, he's a Grimace" sounds kind of lazy. I think it mainly stems from the fact that at least one of the Grimaces we see later (yeah, spoiler alert) has an actual name, which makes me wonder why Grimace is just named what his species is called.
Anyhow, Grimace Island, Grimace explains, is the original home of all the world's Grimaces. Ronald says that he and the rest of their friends will come with Grimace. "Meet us at the McDonaldland Dock in five minutes," he tells Grimace. Then we get an equally terrifying CGI Birdie (Christine Cavanaugh).
Good gravy, even the graphics in Toy Story were better than this. And that movie came out four years earlier! Also, what's up with that wallpaper? |
And then CGI Hamburgular (Charlie Adler) appears.
There's only so many ways you can say that early 1990s CGI looks bad, so instead I'll just point out that it looks like Hamburgular's head is about to fall off his neck. |
Ronald fills Creepy Klasky-Csupo CGI Being 1 and Creepy Klasky-Csupo CGI Being 2 in as to what Grimace just told him, and they're all "We're in!" and then Ronald and Sundae jumps into their ball pit, which empties out into a slide. Yes, a ball pit that empties out into a slide. Ronald has the coolest house ever.
This slide allows us to transition from live action to animation. And... I'll be honest, despite being absolutely terrified of clowns, I've never been all that freaked out by Ronald. Otherwise, I probably wouldn't have even touched this video with a ten-foot-pole. I bring this up because, while I'm not frightened by live action Ronald, Klasky-Csupo animated Ronald is another story.
I think it's mainly the eyes... |
The slide spits Ronald and Sundae out onto the McDonaldland Docks. Now all they need is a ship, which Ronald provides by taking the ship he was working on earlier out of the bottle and tossing it into the water, causing it to become gigantic.
Wow. How the heck did Ronald do that? Is he a wizard? Is he magic? Actually, wasn't it implied in a few of the ads that Ronald has magic powers? I think even in Scared Silly his magic powers are brought up. This just raises further questions...
Speaking of questions, wasn't it snowing a few minutes ago?
Did they ever make a Happy Meal toy based on this ship? And if not, why DIDN'T they? |
After Ronald starts talking like a sailor and Sundae complains (most of Sundae's dialogue in these videos consists of complaining, just a head's-up), Grimace, Hamburgular, and Birdie show up along with Franklin (Alex D. Linz). Who's Franklin? Well, he's another character who never appeared in any McDonald's ads and was made up for the videos. Ronald and the gang befriended him in the first one, Scared Silly. His shtick is that he's the son of a scientist/inventor guy.
I suppose now would be a good time to talk about Klasky-Csupo's takes on the characters. Grimace looks okay, but I really am not a fan of the way Birdie looks. She barely even resembles her live action counterpart. This is what Birdie looks like in the ads:
And this is what she looks like here:
Such a hideous redesign, and the really annoying personality they gave her in these videos doesn't help. She's been turned into a really naggy, snobby character. The first joke involving her here is that she brought along a trunk full of expensive French perfume that she's forcing Grimace and Franklin to carry.
Hamburgular, too, looks very little like his live action counterpart. This is what live action Hamburgular looks like:
And here's Klasky-Csupo Hamburgular:
I don't think they were even TRYING to make him resemble the live action Hamburgular. He looks more like Chuckie Finster than anything.
Anyhow, Grimace brings up the treasure that's supposedly on Grimace Island, unaware that somebody else with an interest in treasure is lurking nearby...
Look, it's everybody's favorite McDonald's character: Pointy-Toothed Bearded Pirate Guy! |
The pirate (Bruce Weitz) walks into the McNuggets (Pamela Adlon, Lisa Raggio, and Charlie Adler), another set of characters who never appeared in the ads. I mean, there WERE the sentient McNugget Buddies, but they didn't have beaks, combs, wings, and legs so I'm guessing these fellas aren't supposed to be the same characters. Also, they look more like potatoes or yams with chicken parts than they do McNuggets.
Though, to be fair, the McNugget Buddies looked a bit more like potatoes than Chicken McNuggets too... |
The spawn of Mr. Potato Head and Chicken Little are excited to be meeting a pirate and shout "WE WANNA BE PIRATES! WE WANNA BE PIRATES!". The pirate says that first they'll have to talk to his boss, One-Eyed Sally. One of the McNuggets says "I feel salty already!", which out of context sounds kind of amusing.
And now, back to Ronald and his friends, who are aboard their ship and have begun their voyage. Franklin asks Grimace if he's ever been to Grimace Island before, to which Grimace says no. He doesn't even know where it is. "You're a Grimace! Shouldn't every Grimace know where Grimace Island is?" Hamburgular asks. "THAT would be way too logical," Sundae snarks.
Grimace explains that according to Grimace legend, no one else in the whole world knows where Grimace Island is.
"And this is the story of what happened to my extra pair of arms. You see, after the 1970s, I found out about this thing called 'plastic surgery'..." |
Grimace said the word "legend", so as you might have guessed we're now going to hear what the titular "Legend of Grimace Island" is. You see, years and years ago, there was Grimace Island...
Years and years ago, the world was also purple. It's just common knowledge. |
Grimace Island was a happy place. A place where nobody fought or yelled, or invited yellow ducks to come dance with them in the "Grimace Festival". What did they have against yellow ducks? What, were they just not purple enough for them?
And why do they all live in giant beehives? |
Then, one day, the island was invaded by a native tribe. And yes, they are incredibly racist stereotypes.
They're just mad because they think the Grimaces stole their noses. |
The racist stereotype natives were mean to the friendly Grimaces. They wanted the Grimaces' treasure, and knew that the Grimaces were not very brave, so they took it and never came back. They never even said "Thank you", the scoundrels.
But the joke's on them, because they didn't get ALL of the Grimaces' treasure. To make sure that the natives didn't come back, the Grimaces did a "big Grimace dance" that shook the island so much it actually snapped free from the ocean floor and drifted far, far away. That way, no one could hurt them or steal the treasure they had left because they couldn't find them.
Little do Ronald and his friends know that they're being followed...
Dun dun dun. |
Specifically, by the evil pirate One-Eyed Sally (Billie Hayes) and that pirate from before, whose name is revealed to be Blather. They want the treasure for themselves. Also, the McNuggets have tagged along, singing "We're a bunch of pirates! We're a bunch of pirates!" until Sally tells them to shut up. This is a Running Gag, and it just gets funnier and funnier every time they come back to it.
It turns out that One-Eyed Sally is the one who wrote the letter that Grimace recieved. "I knew that Grimace and his friends would sail to save the Grimaces," she says, "And lead us right to the legendary Grimace Island, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!"
Some hairdo that One-Eyed Sally has. |
And now, back to the good guys. Grimace reminds us that he doesn't know where Grimace Island is, so actually finding it might be really, really difficult. Then Hamburgular notices something in Grimace's butt pocket. Yes, Grimace has a pocket in his butt. I guess Grimaces need a place to put their wallets too, even if they don't wear clothes...
I didn't know Grimace was a marsupial. |
As it turns out, in addition to the butt pocket, Grimace also has a magic map to Grimace Island that his great-great grandmother gave to him. Birdie offers to read the map since birds have an expert sense of direction, which is how they migrate every year. Franklin points out that Birdie doesn't migrate, to which she says, "Details, Franklin, details!"
Here's a question: what kind of bird IS Birdie? I mean, I know she's an "early bird", but what is her exact species? The yellow coloring suggests a canary, but the beak looks more chicken-ish than canary-ish to me. Live action Birdie kind of looks like Big Bird, so maybe she's the same species as him? I believe HIS exact species is a "bigus canarius" (look it up).
Also, Franklin has awfully huge lips... |
Birdie flies up to the crow's nest (fitting, what with her being a bird and all) with the map and tells Ronald that they have to go south. And then we get our first musical number! Is it a GOOD musical number? Well, no. But the way that Franklin, Hamburgular, and Grimace dance while they're singing is kind of funny at least.
(Please sing the following to that "I'm a Lumberjack and I'm Okay" song) "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, weeeeeeeeeeeee're restaurant mascots and we're okay! Buy a Big Mac at McDonald's today!" |
After the musical number, Hamburgular does some fishing and gets a bite that nearly pulls him overboard. What kind of monster fish has he caught? Not a fish at all, but a WHALE!
A whale with lips almost as large as Franklin's, in fact! |
The whale launches our heroes' ship into the air with its blowhole. Grimace now wants to go home, but Birdie urges him not to let "a hot-tempered fish" ruin his quest to help the Grimaces. As I just stated, whales are not fish, so apparently Birdie doesn't know much about marine biology.
After that, we cut back to the submarine. We hear the McNuggets singing "We're a bunch of pirates! We're a bunch of pirates!" and then Sally shouting "QUIET!". And then... back to our heroes. I guess they just wanted to remind us that there were pirates in this movie.
I don't know what that sparkling stuff is supposed to be. Sea foam, maybe? |
The weather starts getting rough, and the tiny ship gets tossed. "THIS IS NOT WHAT I IMAGINED WHEN YOU INVITED ME ON THIS TREASURE VOYAGE, RONALD MCDONALD!" Birdie shouts. Fortunately, Ronald has the power to "blow this storm away" (apparently Ronald has an incredible lung capacity) and climbs up to the crow's nest... only to get struck by lightning and blasted overboard. Wah wah wah wah wah...
Cut back to the pirates. We get the "We're a bunch of pirates! We're a bunch of pirates!" "QUIET!" gag again, and then we cut back to the good guys. Ronald is flying around on a hang glider... don't know where he got it, maybe he conjured it up with his magic powers... and Grimace tries to throw him a life preserver, only to fall overboard as well.
"Can you believe the Hang Glider Shop didn't have one in red and white? It would've matched the sails so well!" |
Ronald lands on Grimace's tummy, then notices a gigantic wave heading their way and asks Grimace if he surfs. Grimace says no, but apparently he CAN shapeshift into a surfboard. Okay then.
This leads to another musical number involving the weather suddenly clearing up, Ronald suddenly wearing a Hawaiian shirt, and there suddenly being a stereotypical cartoon island consisting of a mound of sand, a palm tree, and Ronald's friends dancing. Make up your own joke here, I've got nothing...
Seriously, is this all in Ronald's head? Is he hallucinating? What is going on here?
After that little Big-Lipped Alligator Moment, Ronald and Grimace wind up surfing right into the submarine's periscope. Sally gets mad at Blather for letting Ronald find them, then the submarine knocks into the ship, sending Ronald and Grimace back onto the deck. Then the ship goes through a field of pointy rocks, then it's attacked by a kraken. Yes, there's a kraken in this movie too.
Dang it, Zeus, did you HAVE to say "Release the Kraken!"? What did Ronald and his friends ever do to YOU? |
Then the Kraken goes after Sally's submarine, and it's revealed that she's a big fat fraud. She doesn't have one eye. She has TWO. Unless her one eye can just swap sockets at random.
YOU'RE A PHONY! |
Sally tries to feed Blather to the Kraken, and then Ronald's ship gets caught in a whirlpool. Because I guess the ocean isn't done messing with them yet. Tell me, when do the sharks, underwater mine field, leak in the boat, and gigantic angry Poseidon wielding a trident show up?
Fortunately, Ronald brought scuba diving suits for everyone because I guess it doesn't hurt to be prepared, and they all jump off the boat and into the whirlpool because... I don't know. They re-emerge in a weird sort of cave with paintings that look like Grimace and eyes peeking out of the darkness.
Boy, thirty-nine screencaps. I think this is a new record! |
They are greeted by the Grimaces, and it's time for another musical number!
Grimaces love to welcome newcomers to their island with elaborate music videos. |
This song consists of the Grimaces doing some sort of weird tribal dance and singing in gibberish while Ronald and his friends flap their arms like chickens. After the song, everyone is suddenly back underground and Grimace tells his friends that the other Grimaces want them to follow them. However, despite the warm welcome they recieved, King Gunga (also Kevin Michael Richardson), the ruler of the Grimaces, tells them that no one is allowed to visit Grimace Island. "But we won't do you any harm, your high Grimace-ness!" Ronald insists. "Besides, Grimace's letter told him to come!" Upon seeing the letter, the king says that it wasn't written by any Grimace. Grimace Grimace Grimace Grimace Grimace. Wemble.
"Everybody knows that Grimaces can't write!" |
Then Two-Eyed Sally and Blather show up. Apparently Ronald and his friends know about her. Somehow. "I wrote that letter knowing THAT silly Grimace would lead me right to YOU silly Grimaces and your legendary treasure!" Sally explains. "NOW HAND IT OVER OR ELSE!" "Duh, you can't have that treasure! It's not yours!" Grimace protests.
"And by the way, I DON'T EVEN LIKE BIG MACS!" |
King Gunga tells her to just follow the trail to the cave where the treasure is kept. Despite this, Sally still wants to shoot them all. Dang, she's about to commit Grimacide. She tells the McNuggets to fire the cannon, but of course they don't want to do that and bail on her. But then Blather fires the cannon, so...
Actually, the cannon doesn't do any actual damage. It shoots fish. Mackerels, according to Ronald. This was Sally's plan to get rid of the Grimaces? Have it rain fish on them? Sally is the world's lamest pirate. Even the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything have more dignity than her.
Okay, I know this is a really obvious joke, but... "HOLY MACKEREL!" |
Believe it or not, the Grimaces are actually INTIMIDATED by Sally and her cannon full of fish. Sally and Blather head off to find the treasure, and Grimace blames himself for what happened. Ronald gives him a pep talk - he doesn't even have to FIGHT the pirates. He can just tickle them until they go away. Grimace points out that he's a coward, to which Ronald says that he's "the bravest coward we know".
Ronald's head looks way too small for his body. |
His confidence boosted, Grimace declares that he will stop the pirates with the power of tickling. King Gunga gives him a feather he can use, and our heroes head off to do some pirate-defeating. But they'll have to hurry, because the pirates have already gotten to the cave where the treasure is.
Y'know what would be kind of funny? If the treasure turned out to be something Sally considers worthless. Like, a year's supply of French fries or something. Though I suppose that would qualify as advertising for McDonald's food...
Grimace and the gang show up just as the pirates are trying to open the treasure chest. Grimace is all "STEP AWAY FROM THE TREASURE OR GET TICKLED!" to which Blather points the cannon at him and he instantly surrenders. Even though, as we've established, the cannon doesn't do any actual harm. It just shoots fish. Is mackerel just like Kryptonite to Grimaces or something?
This is what is known as an EPIC FAIL. |
Sally ties the good guys up and subject Hamburgular and Grimace to tickle torture. Fortunately, the other Grimaces actually do something and show up wielding their own feathers.
Reason Number Seven Thousand Why Sally is a Pathetic Villain: she's going to be defeated by TICKLING. The only thing more pathetic than that is being defeated by SNEEZING. |
Sally and Blather escape into the cave, Ronald and his friends are freed, and King Gunga gives a speech about how important bravery is and blah-blah-blah. Borrowing another feather, Grimace stands at the entrance to the cave so when Sally and Blather come out, they won't be able to escape his tickling... even though they could probably just walk around him, but eh.
"YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" |
Grimace then proceeds to deliver the greatest line in the whole movie: "YOU ARE VERY RUDE PIRATES!" Yeah, that's telling them, Grimace. And believe it or not, Sally and Blather are actually INTIMIDATED by this. Then he says, "I want you to be nice or go back to where you came from and leave the Grimace treasure alone! Or else I'll use this! I'll give you to the count of three! Uh, one... duh, uh, two... " And so the pirates leave.
Gee, if only Grimace were in Aladdin. Then, when Jafar tried to take over Agrabah, he could've just held up a feather and said, "You are a very rude royal vizier! I want you to be nice or go back to where you came from and leave the people of Agrabah alone!" and everything would've been hunky-dory.
For defeating the loser pirates, King Gunga presents Grimace with the treasure of Grimace Island - the Golden Cup of Grimace Bravery.
"It's great for drinking milkshakes out of!" |
So now it's time to go home. But wait, the ship vanished after they came across the whirlpool, so how are they going to get home? With a Deus Ex Machina, of course - a basket pulled by butterflies.
It's a good thing Ronald and his friends apparently don't weigh that much. |
On the flight home, Franklin notices Sally and Blather in a rowboat surrounded by shark fins, which I guess means that they'll be eaten, and the animated segment concludes with one of the McNuggets mentioning how much he loves eyepatches. That's it? That's the joke we're going out on?
We cut back to live action Ronald and live action Sundae arriving back at their live action house. And then we see Ronald and his friends watching home movies! Yes, Hamburgular, Grimace, Birdie etc. are all gathered in Ronald's live action house... except we don't see them because I guess they didn't have the other costumes with them when they were filming these live action segments (that, and I'm trying to imagine Franklin in live action... jeez, that'd be even creepier than Klasky-Csupo Ronald). Instead, we just see their shadows. Although the "home movies" do feature the live action Grimace costume, so there's that, I guess?
The weird thing is, those shadows don't LOOK animated... |
I think most if not all of the footage in the "home movies" is taken from actual McDonald's ads. I think. I could be wrong. We see Grimace as a baby, Grimace's parents and great-grandmothers, and Grimace doing ballet. There's not much to say here, aside from Hamburgular commenting that Grimace has his great-grandmother's "fat ankles".
So is that it? Well, no. We end on Ronald poking his head out of a porthole and telling the audience that he hopes to see them the next time they go to McDonald's. I don't think I've EVER seen Ronald in person any of the times I've ever been to McDonald's. Maybe I did and I just don't remember?
What's the Verdict?
I personally liked this despite its flaws. Yes, Klasky-Csupo's character designs are ugly, and yes, the songs are bad, but there's something just so oddly charming about the whole thing. I appreciate that there's not as much promotion for the actual McDonald's restaurants as you'd expect (at no point do they ever even say the words "Happy Meal"). The voice actors all do a good job. Most of the jokes are pretty funny. And, come on, how can you hate a video that has Ronald taking down a giant squid and Grimace defeating pirates by threatening to tickle them? It brings to mind a simpler time for McDonald's, when the restaurants and their advertisements were actually allowed to be, y'know, FUN. I'd recommend watching at least one of these Wacky Adventures of Ronald McDonald videos for yourself (I think you can find them all on YouTube) even if you don't like McDonald's food.
Ba-da-ba-ba-baaaaaaaaaaa.
Billie Hayes..a pre-1970s veteran! She'd made quite the impression on us in Sid and Marty Krofft shows,like 1969-70's PUFNSTUFFas Witchiepoo*, and 1971-72 LIDSVILLE as Weuinie Genie
ReplyDelete*though even more established icon Martha Raye played Wit chiepoo in the 1970 mvie, the only Krofft-based flick based then.