Let's Watch This: "The Tangerine Bear: Home in Time For Christmas!" (2000)

NOTE: Please do not take any of the little nitpicks in this review (or any of my other reviews, for that matter) seriously. I write these reviews in the hopes of making people laugh. Those nitpicks are really just dumb little observations that I'm attempting to make jokes out of, not complaints that add to whether or not I like something.

This is another one of those Christmas direct-to-video movies that I remember watching with my family years ago once, not knowing that since then it would become a footnote in animation history. You're familiar with Hyperion Pictures, right?

Even if you don't know they're name, you must be familiar with their work. They gave us The Brave Little Toaster, Rover Dangerfield, Happily Ever After: Fairy Tales For Every Child, and even The Proud Family. But do you recall their 2000 co-production with Artisan Entertainment, The Tangerine Bear: Home in Time For Christmas!?

This, one of four Christmas movies made by Hyperion (the others being Jingle Bells, We Wish You a Merry Christmas, and O' Christmas Tree, all released in 1999), was directed by Bert Ring, who in addition to his work for Hyperion also served as a storyboard artist on shows like Goof Troop, Darkwing Duck, and Bonkers. It wasn't until I started writing this review that I discovered The Tangerine Bear was actually based on a book - a book written by the same guys who created Maggie and the Ferocious Beast. Remember that show?

I've never read the book, but I do remember watching this movie for the first time. I think I attempted to watch it again years later, but only watched the first couple minutes for some reason. My guess is that the movie's being direct-to-video (I don't know if it ever aired on TV) plays a part in its obscurity. And that stinks, because this is a good movie. Ah well - I guess I'll just have to do my part to make more people aware of its existence by doing a review of it. This is The Tangerine Bear: Home in Time For Christmas!.

The movie begins many Christmasses ago at a teddy bear factory, its smokestacks squashing and stretching and its silo with a teddy bear face on it standing tall among the city of giant cheese graters...

The lesser-known Build-a-Bear SWEATshop.

The gates of the sweatshop swing open - which I guess means that either somebody forgot to lock them and there's a breeze tonight, or there's a G-G-G-G-GHOST! - as our narrator, Trisha Yearwood, starts singing. We head inside the workshop and discover that it's fully automated - teddy bears are riding conveyor belts and being carried by mechanical arms. There's a joke about how AI will apparently take everyone's jobs that I could make here, but nah, I think we're all fed up with hearing about AI.

Because nothing says "Christmas review" like jokes about sweatshops and AI, right?

The teddy bears go through a machine that gives them smiling mouths before being packed into boxes by a human worker - I guess the factory isn't fully automated after all - and shipped off to Toys R Us, Target, WalMart, etc. But occasionally, when workers become weary after multiple hours of overtime, mistakes are made... for example, a mouse could sneak into the factory and no one could notice. Even if they did, though, what harm is a little mouse going to do?

Hey, it's Rat from Pearls Before Swine!

The mouse climbs onto a table and nibbles at the worker's lunch, and when he finds out, he is MAD! While trying to get away, the mouse climbs onto the head of one bear about to enter the smile-giving machine, and accidentally tips it over. As a result, he enters the smile-giving machine wrong-side-up, which gives him a mouth upside-down. The worker doesn't notice, and the bear is packed up with the other bears and driven in a truck to Kroll's department store. Interesting that they chose to parody Kohl's for their department store name instead of a more popular store like Macy's.

Inside the truck, one bear, Theodore (voiced by David Lander), gathers up the bears and tells them to "fluff up that fur and turn up that smile". Then the bears launch into a musical number... and the driver of the truck doesn't hear them singing for some reason?

I had no idea that teddy bears were so good at choreography.

After the song, the bears reach their destination: the magnificent ten-story department store Kroll's.

I'm not sure if there are any Kohl's buildings that look like this. If there are, please fill
me in...

They're lined up on a shelf for customers to pick 'em up and take 'em home. All day long, the bears are picked - except for our main character, that bear with the upside-down smile. By Christmas Eve, he's the one bear remaining. He doesn't understand why nobody wants him. After all, people pay for things that nobody wanted all the time... like a live action remake of Lilo and Stitch, to use a recent example.

Check out that guy wandering around the store in the cowboy hat. Where do you think you are,
a dude ranch?

One boy picks the bear out... but then changes his mind upon seeing the frown on his face. Apparently, that frown is the entire reason why nobody's buying the bear - even though he's incredibly cute otherwise. I'm having difficulty buying the idea that nobody would want this bear just because he's not smiling.

Eventually, the bear is placed on the - cue the dramatic music - DISCOUNT TABLE.

He's fifty-percent off?! THE HORROR!

"What's a discount table? What am I doing here?" the bear asks in the voice of Jonathan Taylor Thomas. Perhaps the other toys on the discount table can fill him in. Say hello to Louie Blue (voiced by Marlon Wayans), a stuffed monkey who hasn't been bought yet even though everyone presumably thinks that monkeys are the funniest thing ever.

Is he going to start singing "I'm Blue"?

Also on the discount table is Dolly (voiced by Clea Montville), a creatively-named doll who presumably hasn't been bought because she isn't a Barbie. It's hard being a non-Barbie doll in this time period. They can't ALL have dreamhouses in Malibu.

It's only now that the bear sees his reflection in a large bucket and realizes that his smile is upside-down. We get another song. In the morning, Louie and Dolly are bought by a little girl and after spending the day sitting between a pot without a lid and a umbrella without a handle, the bear is dumped into a steamer trunk and taken to a place "one stop away from where missing socks end up". So... one stop away from George Sanderson's back?

You can hear this image, can't you?

Specifically, our hero is taken to Winkle's Emporium, located in a forgotten part of town. The owner of the store, Mr. Winkle (Tom Bosley), sells secondhand goods. Good for him. I love secondhand stores - especially the ones that sell old books. I highly recommend seeking one out.

Fat Albert has aged pretty well, hasn't he?

Mr. Winkle places the little bear in the shop window between a jack-in-the-box and a mermaid clock. When he heads upstairs to get some sleep, the jack-in-the-box (Howie Mandel) and mermaid clock (Jenna Elfman) introduce themselves. The jack-in-the-box's name is... you'll never believe this... JACK. He's claustrophobic, so he's afraid to go in his box. And the mermaid clock's name is Lorelei.

I guess nobody bought Jack because his pointy nose is a safety hazard. Seriously, you could
put somebody's eye out with that thing!

Also living in the shop is a bird who lives in a cuckoo clock, simply known as Bird (David Hyde Pierce). Methinks the scriptwriters weren't super-creative when it comes to names for the characters.

I'm so, so tempted to make a Niles Crane joke.

According to Jack, the street that Winkle's sits on, River Street, used to have the best stores and everybody shopped there. Now everybody takes the bridge over to the shopping malls. You ain't seen nothin' yet, Jack - just wait until online shopping is a thing.

The bear decides that he needs a chair to sit in, so he goes to get one, despite Lorelei and Bird's warnings that Mr. Winkle's bulldog, Virgil (Jon Polito), takes his job as head of security in the shop very seriously. Regardless, the bear says that Virgil is probably very nice if you take the time to get to know him. But Virgil, like most bulldogs in cartoons, has a bit of an attitude problem.

"You got two choices, punk. You can either walk away from the chair, or you can be my new
chew toy."

Unfortunately, while negotiating with Virgil, the bear accidentally knocks over a vase, smashing it to pieces. This makes Virgil MAD, and it's chase scene time! 

For the next few nights, the bear and his new friends entertain each other by telling stories and singing songs. And every day, they sit in the window, and the sun turns his fur a nice shade of tangerine. This horrifies him - teddy bears are supposed to be BROWN, right?

I don't think he has anything to worry about. I mean, the Care Bears come in a variety of different colors and they sell like hotcakes. And how about Winnie the Pooh? He's yellow.

Hey, just put on a hat and a necktie and people might just assume you're a Fozzie Bear doll.
It's not like you look any less like him than actual Fozzie Bear dolls do.

"Now I'm two-tone. Tangerine on the front and still brown on the back," the bear laments. He decides to give himself an even tan... er, an even fade... and eventually succeeds in making himself tangerine all over. And thus is born the Tangerine Bear. His friends call him Tangie.

Eventually, it's Thanksgiving... wait, a whole year has flown by already? It was Christmas Eve just a few scenes ago. Well, anyway, Mr. Winkle declares that tomorrow everyone will start doing their Christmas shopping. I admire him for not putting up the Christmas decorations in October like all the other stores do.

"What's the big deal about Thanksgiving anyway?" Jack asks, echoing the thoughts of retailers all over the world. Tangie explains that Thanksgiving is about being with the people you love. And here I always thought it was about watching football and eating until you explode. Hopefully Mr. Winkle can make a few sales so he can pay the rent. Otherwise he'll have to close the store. Perhaps the toys can help by cleaning the window...

While they're cleaning the window, Tangie has another encounter with Virgil. He asks Virgil why he's such a grump, and Virgil admits that he's tired of working security every night. Tangie might not have been able to reform him yet, but the cleaning of the window results in people stopping by to peek in and buy something. Danny Zuko even pops in the store to buy Lorelei!

Guess you could say that Lorelei is gonna be part of his world.

(Hey, I had to make a Little Mermaid joke in the review SOMEWHERE)

As for Virgil, he runs out to play with some other dogs, and returns after Mr. Winkle heads up to bed covered with snow and ice. Tangie encourages a reluctant Jack and Bird to help him unlock the door and let Virgil in. "It's so good to be home... with my friends," Virgil says. To paraphrase a song from another animated film about sentient toys, they've got a friend in Virgil. Now he can help them decorate the shop!

I wonder if anybody's going to buy that swordfish hanging up on the wall.

Because the display in Mr. Winkle's window is so impressive, EVERYBODY on River Street starts decorating their windows and stays open every evening until Christmas. People are spending money - including at Winkle's. When December 23rd rolls around, Virgil takes Tangie, Jack, and Bird out to see all the Christmas decorations. Unfortunately, a BLIZZARD starts up, and
Tangie falls off the wagon! Fortunately, Santa Claus - who looks a lot like Mr. Winkle, who it was established was playing Santa in a children's party - finds him.

Taking all bets! Is this Mr. Winkle, or the REAL Santa Claus?

Santa brings Tangie back to Winkle's, much to his disappointment - he thought he'd be brought back to the North Pole and delivered to a child as a Christmas present. I'm still having difficulty buying the idea that NOBODY would want to buy Tangie. Look at him! So what if he has an upside-down mouth? He's adorable!

But wouldn't you know it? The next day, a guy (Keith Langsdale) shows up and says that he'd like to buy the little bear in the window. He's a collector of rare toys, and because Tangie's mouth is upside-down (and his tangerine color), he's become very, very valuable. He's going to buy Tangie and Jack for two hundred dollars. Well, I guess Mr. Winkle doesn't have to worry about paying the rent after all...

Mr. Winkle says that the bear and the jack-in-the-box are not for sale. "You see, sir, every night I climb the stairs to my small apartment... I eat my supper, read my paper, and go to sleep. And the best part of my day is spent right here, in my shop, with these little fellas and Virgil, my dog. They're my friends... and family," he explains. "In fact, they're the only family I have." Fortunately, the guy understands. Thank goodness it wasn't Al from Toy Story 2 who walked into the shop. He would've just stolen Tangie and Jack and made a run for it. They would've wound up in a museum in Japan!

I still think Mr. Winkle looks like Fat Albert.

"We've been home all along and we didn't know it!" Jack exclaims happily. And so Tangie realizes that he's part of a family and how great it is to be home in time for the holidays (see what I did there?). The moral of this story is that sometimes the thing you're looking for is right in front of you all along. And that being different can make you special.

Meanwhile, Lorelei is probably sitting on Danny Zuko's mantle, watching him and his girlfriend make out on the couch while It's a Wonderful Life plays on TV for the twelveth time that month.

What's the Verdict?

This is a nice little movie. I like the characters, the animation is good, and it's refreshing to see an animated Christmas ANYTHING made from around this time period that has actual sincerity and sweetness to it. For contrast, this came out the same year as Maxine's Christmas Carol - which, for those who don't remember, relied mostly on wisecracks and pop culture references in a desperate attempt to be "modern" or whatever. They could've easily had Tangie make references to, I dunno, Seinfeld and NSYNC or whatever, but they didn't. They have my respect for that alone. The songs are a mixed bag, but I didn't HATE any of the weaker ones.

I do have one few complaint, though it's not about the movie itself. There are a couple of uploads of this film on the Internet Archive, and I chose to watch the one that appeared to be in the best quality. It wasn't until AFTER I'd written the review that I discovered this upload has several scenes and lines of dialogue cut out - including Virgil and Jack's character arcs! So, if you're going to watch The Tangerine Bear, and I suggest that you do, make sure the upload you watch is this one.

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