Let's Watch This: "Maxine's Christmas Carol" (2000)

NOTE: Please do not take any of the little nitpicks in this review (or any of my other reviews, for that matter) seriously. I write these reviews in the hopes of making people laugh. Those nitpicks are really just dumb little observations that I'm attempting to make jokes out of, not complaints that add to whether or not I like something.

NOTE #2: No disrespect is meant towards anyone who worked on the special I am reviewing today. I'm sure they are all very nice and talented people.

NOTE #3: If you like this special, that is great. Go ahead and like it. I'm not judging you.

Hey, everybody, it's the holiday season! And you know what THAT means, don't you? It means it's time for me to start up the Christmas special reviews! Huzzah!

Do you recognize this character?

If you've ever stepped foot in a Hallmark store, there's a very good chance that you do. But do you know this character's name? For the longest time, I didn't either. It wasn't until very recently that I found out her name is Maxine. She was created by Hallmark artist John Wagner - who based the character on his mother, grandmother and aunts - in 1986 for the Shoebox Greetings card line. Since then, this grouchy-looking old lady and her dog, Floyd, have made mucho moolah for Hallmark, with greeting cards, plush toys, ornaments, and even her own Christmas special. That's right, this cantankerous old lady has made the jump into animation.

A very obscure Christmas special is this. It was written by John Wagner and directed by Tim Eldred, who you might know better for his work on Dragon Tales. It was released direct-to-video on September 12th, 2000... a few months before Christmas, but what are you gonna do? I'm not sure if it ever aired on TV, which might be the main reason for its obscurity. As its name suggests, it's a "modernized" (well, not so much "modern" anymore since it's been two decades since the Y2K thing) take on Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol, because what other Christmas story could you possibly tell with a cranky old curmudgeon like Maxine?

Fortunately, somebody uploaded the special to YouTube. Is it any good, or should some greeting card characters just stay... well, greeting card characters? Let's find out. For my first Christmas review of the year, we're watching Maxine's Christmas Carol!

The special starts off with a look at the town Maxine lives in. The snowflakes are a-fallin', every house is covered with Christmas lights... aside from Maxine's, of course. One neighbor has put up a loudspeaker that plays "Jingle Bell Rock" (which means they owe Buddy the Elf royalties, doesn't it?). Maxine, voiced by Tress MacNeille, retaliates by blaring out some loud and obnoxious rock 'n' roll music from HER loudspeaker, which in addition to demonstrating that she's a Scrooge also demonstrates that she's "not like other old ladies" - yep, THAT stereotype. You know the one. The kind of old lady who does EXTREME SPORTZ and listens to heavy metal bands and stuff.

Honestly, I think it'd be easier to name an animated old lady that DOESN'T fall into the "not like other old ladies" stereotype. The grandma from Hoodwinked, Jon's grandmother from Garfield, Madame Foster, even Granny from Looney Tunes has been turned into this. At what point does it stop being a subversion?

"How come you never smile, Maxine?"

"Because this frown makes millions for Hallmark each year. Why mess with it?"

Maxine receives a package from the town postman, George - which she promptly demands that he throw in a trash can. "Come on, Maxine, don't you have ANY Christmas spirit?" George asks. Maxine's response: "To quote a great, misunderstood genius... BAH HUMBUG!"

Unlike Scrooge, however, Maxine does demonstrate a few seconds later that she's not entirely heartless by defending the kid next door from some snowball-throwing bullies. Afterwards, the boy asks Maxine if she'd like to come over for the big Christmas dinner his parents are throwing the next night. Maxine declines the offer, and for some reason the kid is really, really bummed out about this. I'm not sure why. So the grouch next door "doesn't do Christmas", so what? If she's that much of a grouch, why would you WANT her at your big Christmas dinner? She'd probably complain about the turkey being too dry and crack jokes about your dad's weight the whole time.

Maxine drives off into town, griping about how much she hates Christmas. I think this song summarizes her dialogue during this scene quite well:

After complaining about the holiday season, Maxine heads into a mini-mall, run by two cheery people who gush over how nice the guy who robbed their store the other night was. He DID wish them a "merry merry", after all...

"I bet they won't have... wow! They have it! CANNED BREAD!"

Then it's off to the coffee shop to pick on the barista. I have to say, we're only eight minutes in and I'm already tired of Maxine's griping. That's not a good sign.

This is Floyd. He's basically the Gromit to Maxine's Wallace.

So how's Maxine, the female equivalent of the Grinch, going to spend her Christmas Eve? Eating microwave burritos and watching kung fu movies... or at least trying to, since It's a Wonderful Life seems to be on every channel. Didn't Elmo Saves Christmas also have a "the only thing on TV is It's a Wonderful Life" joke? Did it really air on TV that much during the 1990s? If so, no wonder they couldn't find a TV station to air this...

By midnight, Maxine has fallen asleep. But something strange is going on... the box that she received earlier is starting to shake like there's something in it. Eventually, it bursts open and a cloud of purple mist starts pouring out of it. What's in that box, a genie?

Fun fact, that's what it looks like when a Grimace Shake makes you gassy.



Did I just make a fart joke? What is the matter with me?

Emerging from the box is... wow, if that's a genie, it's the ugliest one I've ever seen.

Well, maybe not THE ugliest... it's not nearly as scary-looking as Will Smith's Genie.

When Maxine wakes up, she's not at all surprised by the fact that there's a GHOST IN FRONT OF HER. She simply goes "Who are you? And what the heck do you want?" as if they're a door-to-door salesman or something. The ghost explains that she is Marlene, the world's stingiest office manager and Maxine's former employer - according to Maxine, she was killed when a crate of memo pads fell on her head. She laments that ordering a bunch of office supplies over the years brought her nothing but misery (kind of like being on Twitter... or reading my blog, for that matter), and now she's doomed to wander the earth warning others not to do the same thing.

"Be warned, Maxine... once you step into your local Staples, it has its hooks in you.
Don't spend all your money on their merchandise! THE STUFF AT OFFICE DEPOT IS MUCH
BETTER!"

So, yeah. Marlene does the whole Jacob Marley shtick - before the night is through, she tells Maxine, she will be visited by three more ghosts, and if she doesn't stop being such a crab and rediscover the spirit of Christmas, she'll end up sharing her fate for all eternity. Maxine doesn't get the hint and simply makes a bunch of wisecracks.

You know, Maxine being called "crabby" makes me think of Lucy Van Pelt, who prided herself on being crabby. I bet Maxine is Lucy's idol or great-grandmother or something.

Well, whether Maxine likes it or not, she's getting Christmas Caroled. And who should show up a few seconds later is the Ghost of Christmas Past, here a stereotypical valley girl named Tiffani.

"Like, OMG! I'm the Ghost of Christmas Past! Isn't that so tubular? Other 1990s slang!"

"See, what happens is, as soon as I find my stupid hat," Tiffani explains, "We go flying back through time and space, and even though it, like, totally messes up my hair, it's soooooooo way cool!" She transports Maxine and Floyd to what Maxine describes as looking like a sappy Christmas card, but is in fact the town where Maxine spent her youth.

So, what turned Maxine into such a Christmas-hater? When she was little, she was waiting in line to see Santa Claus, only for an elf to come out and say that they're closed and that Santa doesn't want to see her. Ouch, who says that to a kid? That elf's a piece of work. Must be one of those South Pole elves...

"Sorry, kid. I gotta get to Elf Practice. If I'm not there, the head elf's gonna yell at me
like he did to Hermey and it'll wind up an internet meme..."

When little Maxine sneaks into the tent, all she finds is a janitor, who she tells what she wants for Christmas: peace on Earth. Sorry, little Maxine, but I don't think we'll ever have that. Not as long as social media is a thing, at least...

Next Maxine, Tiffani, and Floyd watch as little Maxine gives homemade Christmas presents to three other girls... who promptly, and very rudely, reject them. "It was a wake-up call. To think I thought those phonies were my friends," Maxine declares, and Tiffani is so horrified that she quits being a Ghost of Christmas Past and goes back to haunting malls - right after witnessing little Maxine's horrible transformation into the greeting card-selling cranky-pants she is today.

Frightening, isn't it?

After Maxine and Floyd arrive back home, the next ghost pops out of the TV. This one's a monk aboard a flying carpet. I feel like this is offensive in some way...

Well, at least it's not a poltergeist. Usually, when a ghost emerges from your TV, it's a poltergeist.
That's how it went, right? I've never seen that movie...

"I have been sent here to BLOW AWAY your negative aura of crabbiness and fill you with the joys and the healing and the now that we call Christmas," this ghost, the Ghost of Christmas Present, says. Maxine threatens to give him the finger - I wouldn't, Maxine, this is a kids' movie. At least I think it is... off they go!

"If you start singing 'A Whole New World', I'm jumping off this thing..."

The Ghost of Christmas Present (how come the Ghost of Christmas Past gets a name, but the Ghost of Christmas Present doesn't?) takes Maxine and Floyd to a Christmas party, where everybody is having a great time because Maxine isn't there. "Don't you feel that need to be loved?" the Ghost of Christmas Present asks her. "You bet!" Maxine says. "Where's Mel Gibson?"

What is it with Tress MacNeille-voiced characters having a thing for Mel Gibson? In hindsight, Maxine, you're probably lucky that Mel Gibson ISN'T there.

But not everybody is jazzed about Maxine's absence. This is the big Christmas dinner that the boy from before, whose name is revealed to be Billy, invited Maxine to. Since she didn't come, Billy is bummed (rhyme not intended). "You don't want him to have a terrible Christmas, do you? Like the one YOU had when you were his age? Remember?" the Ghost of Christmas Present asks Maxine. Maxine claims that Billy will get over it, to which the ghost asks, "Did YOU?"

I still don't get why Billy is so emotional over Maxine not wanting to attend a Christmas
party. Is she his grandmother or something?

Well, the first two ghosts failed at putting some Christmas spirit in Maxine. Maybe they should've sent the Shirt Tales to handle things. But there's still one ghost to go... but first, a UFO appears over Maxine's house. Yes, this adaptation of A Christmas Carol has aliens in it. Sure, why not?

Your Scroogeiness, Maxine, has made Marvin the Martian very angry. Very, VERY angry.

After getting beamed up into the UFO, Maxine and Floyd encounter three aliens who look like a fusion of Casper the Friendly Ghost and Roger from American Dad!. The aliens, who can talk without moving their lips, dub themselves the Ghosts of Christmas Future and say that they're going to show Maxine the consequences of her rejecting Christmas... which results in Maxine making a probing joke because of course it does.

"Let us make this quick. We are supposed to appear in the Futurama Christmas special as well."

The aliens take Maxine and Floyd to... the Planet of the Apes?

Because... hey, it exists, right?

"Whoops. Too far," one of the aliens says, and then they go back a little to the year 2025... which, coincidentally enough, is next year. In this future, Maxine discovers that Billy is now a rich CEO who hates Christmas... all because a crabby old lady didn't want to come to his family's Christmas party. And that's it. That's all it takes. Maxine doesn't need to see her own tombstone to really get the hint. She admits that she's gonna have to be nice if she doesn't want Billy to wind up like this.

The aliens take Maxine and Floyd to Billy's house, back in the present, so she can go to the party and make Billy's Christmas. Billy gives her a present - a homemade present, that is. "They're the best kind," Maxine says... but for the love of Rudolph, don't stop buying gifts from Hallmark!

And what does the present turn out to be? A painted rock! Because who doesn't like painted rocks? Maybe that's what I'll give everyone this year. Painted rocks.

"It's a great, big, beautiful old rock!"

So Maxine has learned to like Christmas... but the other 364 days, she's still going to be a grouch. After all, being a grouch is what made her such a big moneymaker for Hallmark. The special ends with her throwing a snowball at the camera.

What's the Verdict?

I've noticed a pattern with these really obscure Christmas specials... the more "irreverent" they try to be, the less likely they are to become the next A Charlie Brown Christmas. I already brought this up in my reviews of Holidaze, Ozzie the Elf, and Jingle Bell Rock, but it bears repeating - having a bunch of pop culture references and snark in your Christmas special isn't going to make it more "relevant" and "modern", if anything it's going to make it an even bigger product of its time. Most of the dialogue is just Maxine making annoying wisecracks, a good chunk of the jokes aren't funny, and the attempts at sentimentality (mainly the stuff involving Billy) fall flat and feel very half-hearted. It's almost like making a character whose whole shtick is being crabby a holiday special is a bad idea. It worked for Garfield, but Garfield has a whole comic strip to show that he's not entirely a grouch. Maxine has greeting cards and that's it.

But I will say this in the special's defense: it is a very well-made special. The animation is good. Tress MacNeille is giving it her all. But I still wouldn't recommend watching Maxine's Christmas Carol. There are far better Christmas specials worth your time. And I think it's for the best we didn't get a Maxine Thanksgiving special or a Maxine Easter special too.

Oh, and here's one more fun fact for you: this special got a stage show adaptation, just like The Happy Elf. So clearly SOMEBODY must have watched it and liked it.