Fancast Time: The Haunted Mansion

Even if you've never been to a Disney theme park, there's a very good chance that you've heard of the Haunted Mansion.

This is one of Disney's most popular attractions. They probably weren't the first to do a haunted house at a theme park, but they're definitely the ones who perfected it. I could write an entire post about the history of this ride, but this blog is about animation, not theme parks (although the two subjects overlap a lot), so instead, watch this video.

The Haunted Mansion differs from other haunted house attractions at theme parks in that it's filled to the brim with unique characters and lore. So it's no surprise that over the years there's been several attempts at adapting the attraction. There have been books...

There have been video games...

And of course, there have been movies. Three of 'em, in fact. The first, starring Eddie Murphy, recieved a negative reception from critics and fans of the attraction alike. Same goes for the one released twenty years later, which languished in development limbo (at one point it was going to be directed by Guillermo Del Toro) and was a box office bomb on top of that. In between these films, there was the direct-to-streaming Muppets Haunted Mansion film, which I personally enjoyed. For more information about the multiple Haunted Mansion adaptations, I'm going to recommend another video.

We're probably going to get more Haunted Mansion adaptations at some point, and y'know what? I think it's high-time for an animated adaptation - be it a show or a movie, or even a series of shorts - of the attraction. I know there has been at least one attempt at doing one: Shannon Tindle's pitch for a series, but it was rejected. And, honestly, why ARE all the adaptations of Disney attractions live action anyway? Wouldn't something like a movie starring the characters from the Country Bear Jamboree work better in animation than live action?

Case in point...

So, if they WERE to do an animated adaptation of the Haunted Mansion, they'd need to have a great cast. After all, the attraction has a lot of iconic voice actors lending their voices to it - Paul Frees, Thurl Ravenscroft, Eleanor Audley, Dallas McKennon, even the woman who sang the Star Trek theme song is in it! So, how would I cast as the voices of the nine hundred and ninety-nine happy haunts who live in the mansion? Well, I'll tell you...

The only rule for this cast is, just to make it a little harder on myself, I'm gonna try to avoid using anyone who's actually voiced any of these characters before - so, I can't use Corey Burton as the Ghost Host or Susan Blakeslee as Madame Leota since they already voiced the characters in Disneyland's Haunted Mansion Holiday overlay. Though if I actually WERE the voice director of a Haunted Mansion project, I would indeed just get them back.

Fred Tatasciore as the Ghost Host

How on Earth do you replace Paul Frees as the Ghost Host? Aside from "get Corey Burton", of course. Well, let me tell you a little about Fred Tatasciore. He's a very versatile voice actor, and as somebody who was lucky enough to meet him in 2022, I should mention that he's also an extremely nice guy. He's no stranger to doing voice work for Disney theme park characters - he's the Yeti in Expedition Everest at Animal Kingdom, he recently provided the voice of Buff in the new Country Bear Jamboree at the Magic Kingdom, he can also be heard in Star Tours, the Guardians of the Galaxy ride at Disney's California Adventure, and the Big Grizzly Mountain Runaway Mine Cars in Hong Kong Disneyland. At various conventions, he's demonstrated that he can do a great impression of Paul Frees' Ghost Host, so if I have to choose somebody new to do the voice, I think Fred would be the best choice.

Tasia Valenza as Madame Leota

Madame Leota was hard to figure out. You need to find a voice actress who can pull off a dignified, menacing, almost seductive voice - one that's not too young-sounding but not too old-sounding either. In other words, a voice just like Eleanor "Maleficent" Audrey gave Leota. I cycled through a bunch of different voice actresses and characters with voices like that in my head, eventually deciding to take a listen to the various voices that Batman's foe Poison Ivy has had over the years. I heard a clip of Tasia Valenza's take on the character and found just what I was looking for.

Cree Summer as Constance Hatchaway

This is mostly just me trying to find somebody who sounds close to Kat Cressida's voice for Constance. Listening to it, I think Cree Summer could pull the character off nicely. Her voices for Princess Kitana and Madame Web are good comparisons, I feel - she could definitely hit that right balance of sweet and sinister.

Daran Norris as the Hatbox Ghost

Now we're at the characters in the attraction who don't talk. The Hatbox Ghost, best known for being removed from the Disneyland version in its early days because the whole "disappearing head" effect didn't work right only to return in 2015, doesn't say a word - he chuckles, but that's about it. Apparently, Corey Burton did his voice for some sort of internet campaign, using the same voice he used for the Ghost Host in the aforementioned Haunted Mansion Holiday, but I can't find any clips of that online so I'm gonna have to go in a different direction (plus, I'd rather not have him sound just like the Ghost Host if the Ghost Host is already there). Let's look at this guy's character design: he's got sunken-in eyes, a toothy grin, he's got a top hat and a cloak... he's pretty creepy, and I think a reedy voice, something both sinister-sounding AND comedic, would fit him quite nicely. Steve Buscemi kept popping into my mind, but he seemed a bit too obvious. After racking my brain, I decided to go for an impression of either Peter Lorre or Paul Lynde, both known for their distinct voices. Fortunately, Daran Norris can do both, and demonstrated his ability to do both in TUFF Puppy - he did a Peter Lorre impression for the Chameleon and a Paul Lynde impression for the Meerkat. Thus...

And now, the three most popular residents of the mansion! Stars of fanfic all over the internet, their likeness plastered on merchandise... it's the Hitchhiking Ghosts! Once again, since these guys usually don't talk, we're going to have to look at their character designs and find voices that match.

Maurice LaMarche as Ezra

Ezra is lanky, basically a skeleton, and has sunken-in eyes and a toothy grin like the Hatbox Ghost (you think they're related?). Maurice LaMarche is usually known for deeper voices like the Brain and most of his characters in Futurama (Morbo, Lrrr, Calculon), but he can do higher-pitched roles too. One of my favorite roles of his is Mortimer Mouse, Mickey's obnoxious rival, a character that he's been voicing since Mickey Mouse Works in 1999. It's not a super-high voice, but it's not a super-deep one either, it's more or less in the middle. Ezra is mostly depicted in fanwork as a wisecracking smart-mouth (a la Yakko Warner), and I think Mortimer's slimy, sneaky-sounding voice would fit that personality well

Kevin Chamberlain or Kevin Michael Richardson as Phineas

Okay, so Phineas is pretty chubby. I didn't want a stereotypical "dumb guy" voice (think Patrick Star or Beaky Buzzard), but I still wanted a voice that had some "weight" to it, if that makes any sense. So I have two ideas for this guy.

Yes, Kevin Chamberlain is a celebrity. No, he hasn't done much voice acting. But I think he SHOULD do more voice acting, he's actually an actor as opposed to a musician or some random schmuck on YouTube, and he's a GOOD actor (it's generally agreed that his performance as Horton was the best thing about the original Broadway production of Seussical) so I'd say he's far more qualified to do voice acting than, say, Rihanna or Marshmello, and from what I've heard he's a very nice guy. Plus, he has experience doing characters who thrive in a macabre setting - he was Uncle Fester in the Addams Family show on Broadway - AND he's worked for Disney before (he played Bertram in Jessie), and I think his voice would fit Phineas well, so why not?

As for Kevin Michael Richardson, like with Maurice LaMarche he's usually typecast as deeper-voiced characters, but he can do characters with high-pitched voices too. Y'know how in the first few episodes of The Flintstones, Barney had a higher-pitched Jersey-accented voice? That's the voice Kevin does whenever he voices Barney. Call me crazy, but I think that voice would work for Phineas as well. It's high-pitched, but still has a little "weight" to it.

Frank Welker as Gus

Gus is the only Hitchhiking Ghost who speaks in the attraction - before he's seen hitchhiking, he appears singing alongside an executioner ghost and a headless knight. His voice was provided by Candy Candido, an actor who lent his growly voice to several movie characters such as the Indian Chief in Peter Pan, that crocodile under Prince John's employment in Robin Hood, and the apple tree who Dorothy and the Scarecrow tick off in The Wizard of Oz. Who could forget that voice?

So, we need a voice that sounds like Candy Candido's, the joke being that you wouldn't expect such a voice to come out of the teeny-tiny Gus. How about Frank Welker, using the same voice he used for Dr. Claw in Inspector Gadget?

Jeff Bennett or Kevin McDonald as the Caretaker

Let's be honest, if the Caretaker (I believe his official name is Silias Crump) could talk, he'd totally sound like Don Knotts (in fact, the Disney Wiki claims that Don Knotts played him for his brief appearance in the 2003 movie, I dunno if there's any truth to that). So we need a Don Knotts soundalike, and I know two actors who'd be a good choice for that. The first is Jeff Bennett, who served as a voice-match for Don Knotts' character, Turkey Lurkey, in the Chicken Little video game. The second is Kevin McDonald, technically a celebrity but one with lots of voice acting experience (ESPECIALLY for Disney - he's Pleakley, after all)... and when I watched Cats Don't Dance, I noticed that Don Knotts' voice sounds very similar to Kevin's. Of the two, I think I'm leaning more towards Jeff, as I fear Kevin's voice might sound a bit too young-sounding for the Caretaker.

Frank Welker as the Caretaker's Dog

We've already got the master of animal noises in the cast as Gus, so I see no reason why Frank couldn't voice the Caretaker's Dog too.

Sam Ramey, Randy Crenshaw, Jess Harnell, Rob Paulsen, and Jeff Bennett as the Singing Busts

For all of the 2003 movie's flaws, you've gotta admit that casting the Dapper Dans from Disneyland as the Singing Busts was a nice touch. One of the busts, as you know, was voiced by Disney legend Thurl Ravenscroft. Sam Ramey isn't exactly a voice actor, he's a singer, but he DID voice a character in Over the Garden Wall who sounds an awful lot like Thurl Ravenscroft when he sings. Randy Crenshaw, as well, is more of a singer than a voice actor, but he has lots of animation experience, including for Disney, and can be heard singing in films like Thumbelina, The Nightmare Before Christmas, and The Thief and the Cobbler. Plus, they're SINGING busts, so I think I can get away with casting professional singers as two of them. As for the other three, I chose Jess Harnell, Rob Paulsen, and Jeff Bennett because all three of them are great singers. Simple as that.

Now, if my math is correct there are nine hundred and eighty-seven more ghosts living at the Haunted Mansion (nine hundred and ninety-nine in all... but there's room for a thousand), but I'm not going to assign a voice to every single ghost because that would be very hard, and there's no way Disney would pay that many voice actors for one prodution. Fortunately, Fred Tatasciore, Tasia Valenza, Cree Summer, Daran Norris, Maurice LaMarche, Frank Welker, Kevin Michael Richardson, Jeff Bennett, Rob Paulsen, and Jess Harnell are all really versatile, so they could all do double-duty and voice more than one character. If there's money in the budget for a few more, I'd also have Corey Burton, Tress MacNeille, Lauri Fraser, Jeff Bergman, and Scott Innes provide additional voices. Not a bad cast, huh?

Once again, if you have any suggestions of your own for these characters, feel free to post 'em in the comments section below.

Let's Watch This: An Episode of "The Funky Phantom"

NOTE: Please do not take any of the little nitpicks in this review (or any of my other reviews, for that matter) seriously. I write these reviews in the hopes of making people laugh. Those nitpicks are really just dumb little observations that I'm attempting to make jokes out of, not complaints that add to whether or not I like something.

If you're an avid reader of my blog, you probably know that the 1970s saw the greenlighting of many, MANY cartoons that were blatant knockoffs of Scooby-Doo, Where Are You?. We've already reviewed three - first I looked at Jabberjaw, which paired clones of Fred and Shaggy up with clones of characters from Josie and the Pussycats and a wacky talking shark. Then I looked at Fangface, which had the main character as an equivalent for both Shaggy AND Scooby... he was a werewolf. And earlier this year, I looked at Goober and the Ghost Chasers, which was one of the most blatant Scooby-Doo cash-grabs of all because the Scooby equivalent was ALSO a dog.

Now, at this point in the franchise, Scooby-Doo and his pals weren't encountering real ghosts and monsters yet - it wasn't until the 1980s that they started running into actual ghosts. The ghosts were always just guys in costumes. So this show actually has a pretty unique premise for a Scooby-Doo cash-grab: what if the ghost-chasing kids had a real ghost for a sidekick?

The Funky Phantom starred Jonathan Wellington "Mudsy" Muddlemore, the ghost of an American patriot from the Revolutionary War, voiced by Daws Butler using the same voice he used for Snagglepuss (and the lion from The Roman Holidays). He and his ghost cat, Boo (voiced by Julie Bennett), were freed from the inside of a longcase clock by three teenagers who'd stumbled upon it trying to get out of the rain: Skip (Mickey Dolenz), April (Kristina Holland), and Augie (Tommy Cook), and their dog Elmo (Jerry Dexter). They drove around in a dune buggy - not Speed Buggy, this one didn't talk - and solved crimes, most of them involving ghosts.

The show premiered on September 11th, 1971. Only seventeen episodes were produced, and despite the show generally being brushed off as another lame Scooby-Doo knockoff nowadays, Mudsy himself seems well-liked enough to warrant appearances in shows like Harvey Birdman, Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated, and Jellystone!... not that any of those shows treated him with any dignity. Now, just because a show is a blatant Scooby-Doo cash-grab doesn't automatically mean I'm not going to like it. I liked the one episode of Speed Buggy that I've seen and found Jabberjaw okay. Who knows, maybe I'll like The Funky Phantom too?

So... since it's October, that month of the year when we celebrate Halloween and so I post reviews of cartoons starring ghosts, monsters, etcetra, we're going to watch the fourth episode of the show, "Who's Chicken?". As Mudsy would say, it's Funky Phantom time!

The episode starts off with a truck for "Chicken Delicious" driving down the road. Here's a fun fact for you: in 1968, a few years before this show premiered, they started opening Yogi Bear's Honey Fried Chicken restaurants, where you could munch on fried chicken surrounded by fiberglass statues of Yogi (you can find an article about the restaurants at cartoonresearch.com - only one still exists today). I wonder if the folks at Hanna-Barbera were at all tempted to do a little cross-promotion, but decided against it.

Maybe it was just too hard to fit "Yogi Bear's Honey Fried Chicken" on the side of the truck...

Then we see these two charming characters, who it should be pretty clear are the episode's antagonists. "That truck should be due any time now!" the one in the chicken costume snarls in the unmistakable voice of Don Messick (it's sort of a fusion of his voices for Papa Smurf and Vulture from the 1981 Spider-Man cartoon). "Hurry it up! Get that tree across the road!"

Wow, that's the worst Blue Falcon costume I've ever seen.

So these two, and this other guy, chop down a tree and push it down on the road to block the truck's path. When the truck stops, the guy in the chicken suit jumps onto the tree and starts squawking and waving his arms like... well, I wouldn't say a chicken. More like an escapee from a mental asylumn.

"BRAWK! Ignore the human mouth under my beak, please! I'm a real bird, I swear!"

The confused driver of the truck gets out and demands that this strange not-quite-bird not-quite-human-either creature get out of the road. Then one of the other guys grabs the driver and drags him off.

Then we cut to Augie's garage, where Augie and Elmo are lifting weights. He encourages Skip and Mudsy to do it as well, but Mudsy dubs this a preposterous idea - how much exercise could a two-hundred-year-old ghost need? As for Boo, he decides to sabotage Elmo. He's a cartoon cat, and Elmo is a cartoon dog. They can't help it, they're required to mess with each other.

I think it's just the lack of an outline, but that bicycle in the background looks like
it's just painted on the wall.

Just then, April runs in and shows Augie that day's newspaper, its headline about the mysterious "Chickenman" on the loose. I can't hear them say "Chickenman" without thinking of Toy Story 2 and Rex's "IT'S THE CHICKENMAN!" line. Apparently, this "Chickenman" has been robbing supply trucks for the Chicken Delicious chain of "eating houses". Maybe he's the CEO of KFC, and he's trying to eliminate the competition?

"Hey, where did my eyebrows go?"

"Don't worry, Augie, you'll get used to not having them. I sure did."

"Hey, at least you're the only human here with pupils, April."

"I just now noticed how long your neck is, Skip. It's like a giraffe's, even."

"Chickenman? You sure that isn't YOU, Skip?" Augie asks with a smirk. Jeez, way to be a jerk, Augie. Mudsy then says that this situation "sounds like FOWL play", because if you're doing a cartoon where a chicken plays a prominent role you've gotta make that pun at some point.

April spews out some exposition about the owner of Chicken Delicious being her uncle, Henry Fowler. Skip says that he'll help April stop the Chickenman, to which Augie says, "You? HAW! If HE's going, I'D better come too. 'Cause with HIM along, your helper is gonna need HELP." Y'know what, I've decided that I don't like Augie. He treats Skip with total disrespect. I want Skip to punch him in the face.

I'm just now noticing that Augie and Skip basically have the exact same face (Augie's chin
and nose are just larger).

Fortunately, while Skip doesn't pucnh Augie in the face, he dishes it back out - he says that with Augie coming along, they'll have plenty of hot air if they need it. Snap. And of course Mudsy, Boo, and Elmo are coming along too. The six of them head to Henry Fowler's office in their dune buggy. When Augie wonders what anyone would want with a truckload of frozen chicken, Mudsy declares, "A bird in the fist is worth two hydrangeas! Ha, ha, ha." I don't get the joke here. Is the punchline that he got the expression wrong? I mean, I know a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, but I'm not even sure what THAT expression means either.

When they get to the office, Henry Fowler - who, natch, looks similar to Colonel Sanders - laments that he's been forced to close down all but one of his "eating houses" because of this rassafrassin' Chickenman. Then a guy named Angus barges in and frets over the Chickenman ruining their business. What makes him so sure? Easy - he's gotten a message from the Chickenman himself:

Okay, I've seen enough Scooby-Doo episodes to know that this guy is definitely the guy dressing up as the Chickenman because he has a bone to pick with Mr. Fowler. Maybe it's just because he's clearly voiced by Don Messick as well (although it's not the same voice he does for the Chickenman - he sounds more like Zilly from Dastardly and Muttley in Their Flying Machines) and that he's wearing a green suit (what color is the Chickenman again?).

"WE'RE RUINED, I TELL YOU! WIPED OUT!" Angus shrieks. "WHERE'S THE POLICE?! I PAY TAXES! I WANT PROTECTION!" When he leaves, Mr. Fowler explains that Angus isn't one of his employees, but rather the owner of a chain of roast beef restaurants. Very su-SPI-cous...

Fortunately, April has a plan to catch this Chickenman (who is totally going to be Angus. Just sayin'). By the way, for some reason Mudsy decided to turn invisible while the others were talking to Mr. Fowler. I guess it's because he thinks Mr. Fowler would be freaked-out by the presence of a g-g-g-g-GHOST, even a friendly one. Casper had the same problem.

"Hey, wait, if there's an empty seat next to Skip, why are you guys crammed in the back of the
buggy?"

"Uh... there's more legroom?"

April's plan, apparently, is to work at the one remaining Chicken Delicious eating house (did people EVER call restaurants "eating houses"?) and catch the Chickenman when he shows up. Mudsy has a better idea: "Retreat, I say! Make tracks for the hills! The foothills! Abandon all ships, even!"

Why is Mudsy so afraid? First of all, he's already a ghost, so it's not like the Chickenman could harm him even if he tried. And second, even if they don't know that this Chickenman is just a guy in a chicken suit, it's still for all intents and purposes a giant chicken. All they have to do is lure it into the deep-fat fryer and presto, one cooked Chickenman. Anyhow, even though nobody aside from April is on board with the plan (not even Augie - if it's because he's too scared like Mudsy, he really has no right to mock Skip for his cowardice).

That night, they start their first shift at Chicken Delicious, with Mudsy initially being invisible but revealing himself when the customers ask how their entrees are floating around the room by themselves.

He also dubs himself their "ghost host" - even in the 1970s, people were making references
to Disney theme park rides.

The customers, of course, freak out at the sight of a g-g-g-g-GHOST and flee the eating house. Not long after, a truck pulls up to Chicken Delicious, and in that truck are the Chickenman and his henchmen, who are disguised as normal Chicken Delicious truck drivers. When Skip sees the henchmen, he tells them to put what's in the truck in the rear, since they're swamped out front - and to make sure that Chickenman doesn't get it. Oh, the irony.

Of course, the henchmen aren't DELIVERING anything - they're STEALING chicken from the eating house. When they drive off with their stolen cargo, Mudsy and Boo emerge from the box of frozen French fries they loaded onto the truck. They're being ghost-napped! Wait, what were they doing in a box of frozen French fries?

I mean, I know WHY they were in the box - so that WHACKY SHENANIGANS could
ensue, but it's still a headscratcher...

Unaware of the ghostly presence, the henchmen meet back up with the guy who likes to dress as the Corn Flakes rooster. "Head for the hideout! We'll get rid of all of it!" the Chickenman declares. Overhearing this, Mudsy gets mad. "All right, you three! Put 'em up, put 'em up! Your goose is cooked, Chickenman! BASTED, even! I gotcha cornered!" he says, even though they still have no idea that he's in their truck. "What am I sayin'? I'm in a pickle! I gotta keep an eye on 'em, and let the others know where I am! Or I'm a cooked ghost!"

...how exactly does one cook a ghost?

Back at Chicken Delicious, Skip, Augie, April, and Elmo discover that they've been cleaned out and that clearly those two guys in the truck are behind it. Elmo figures out that Mudsy and Boo were probably taken by them too. April dubs him a smart dog, to which Augie says, "Yeah, smart like his master." "Well, if he's smart like his master, then we'd better go in the opposite direction!" Skip quips, prompting April to scold him and Augie for mocking each other. Good on ya, April.

As for Mudsy, to make sure that the others can find him and Boo, he leaves a trail of frozen French fries - M-shaped French fries, even.

Has McDonald's ever tried making M-shaped French fries? If not, they should - that
would be really cool.

"If Daniel Boone ever hears about this, I'll be guffawed out of the colonies! All thirteen of 'em!" Mudsy moans. "Or maybe I'm just stupid-stitious..." But it works, the others spot the trail of French fries and follows them to a billboard for "Rangs Fresh Eggs" - which, fortunately, lifts up and allows them entry into the dark and spooky forest that the truck drove through to get to the parked train where the bad guys are going to unload all the stuff they stole. They're putting it in refrigerated boxcars.

Well, on the bright side, if some hobo ever hitches a ride on that train, they're gonna
have quite a meal.

"Hmmm. That means they're planning to ship that stuff someplace," Skip points out. Augie tells Elmo to scout on ahead, and the dog walks right into a toolshed - and right into the Chickenman.

"Ruh-roh!"

Elmo runs back to the others, only for the Chickenman to follow him and discover Skip, Augie and April. "Stop those kids!" he tells his henchmen, who give chase on their motorcycles.

"Getcha motor runnin',
Head out on the highway..."

After some running around, Skip sends one henchman smashing into the back of a train, while Augie and Elmo do the old "paint a tunnel on a solid wall" (or in this case, a stack of crates full of eggs) to take out the other one. Then the good guys hide out in one of the boxcars, only for the Chickenman to trap them inside. Augie and Elmo start bickering again. On the bright side, the boxcar that they're trapped in turns out to be the very same one that Mudsy and Boo are hiding in. So there's THAT.

The train starts moving, which means that the good guys have failed in their mission to stop the Chickenman... or HAVE they? Skip reminds Mudsy that, since he's a ghost, he can just walk through the wall of the boxcar and pull the coupling pin. For some reason, the fact that Skip had a good idea really steams Augie up.

"U MAD, AUGIE?"

So Mudsy teleports outside of the boxcar (he can only walk through walls when he's invisible) and pulls the coupling pin. Downside, now the six of them are marooned on a runaway boxcar, and the Chickenman and his goons are right behind them! They manage to pull the boxcar's brakes, but they still have to deal with their "fine feathered fiend" as Augie puts it, who chases them into a warehouse full of theatrical costumes and props.

Despite being the Daphne equivalent, April takes a page from Fred's book and suggests that they set a trap for Foghorn Leghorn's evil twin. First, Mudsy walks up to the henchmen and scares them just by appearing in front of them and saying, "To coin an old cliche... boo!"

"AUGH! A GEORGE WASHINGTON COSPLAYER!"

They hide from Mudsy in a chest, which he traps them inside, which is April's cue to lure the Chickenman into their trap.

"Drat! How did they know that my one weakness was ropes?!"

As they hoist the Chickenman high into the air, his mask falls off and yep, it's Angus in that Chanticleer get-up. Even if I hadn't suggested it beforehand, you probably would've figured it out by yourself.

To be fair, there were mysteries in Scooby-Doo where it was equally obvious who the culprit
was.

They never specify just what Angus' goal was, but I think we can deduce that he wanted to sabotage Chicken Delicious so everyone would eat at his roast beef restaurants. Jeez, you never see the folks who run Arby's trying to sabotage Taco Bell. But anyway, the day is saved, and the episode ends with Augie making fun of Skip again. Laugh it up, Augie - joke's on you, at least Skip's voice actor is a member of the Monkees. Granted, your voice actor also voiced Biff in Jabberjaw, so that should count for something...

What's the Verdict?

I should admit first and foremost that I chose this episode to review because of how silly the premise sounded (I thought it would give me the most joke material). It's very hard to make a giant chicken scary, and I think the folks at Hanna-Barbera were aware of that. I'm guessing other episodes of the show were much spookier.

Honestly, I found The Funky Phantom pretty good, even if the Scooby-Doo cash-grab part is blatant (they even use the same music!). Much like with Jabberjaw, it's the Funky Phantom himself that carries the show on his shoulders. He's such a charming character... a friendly ghost, hailing from the Revolutionary War, with the voice of Snagglepuss? How can you not like THAT? Skip, Augie, and April themselves are pretty dull characters, but Augie and Skip at least feel less like Fred and Shaggy than, say, Mark and Tinker from Speed Buggy (which I do plan on reviewing at some point, for those wondering) do - but did they have to make Augie so argumentative? I can't help but wonder if they didn't put much effort into making the teens interesting in these shows because they knew we were just gonna watch it for the funny ghost, or the wisecracking shark, or the talking car, or whatever.

As far as the animation goes, it's basically the same as any other Hanna-Barbera 1970s show - the art style and backgrounds are nice, but errors abound. In one scene, Augie, Skip, and April briefly vanish while Elmo is telling them about the Chickenman. Unsurprisingly, the funniest lines come from Mudsy, most of the other jokes fall flat. So, yeah. While I wouldn't say The Funky Phantom is Hanna-Barbera's BEST show, it's worth watching at least one episode of. Watch it for Mudsy like I did. You can find episodes of the show on the Internet Archive.

Y'know what Warner Bros. should do? They should make a show where Mudsy, Jabberjaw, and Captain Caveman drive around in Speed Buggy, getting into hilarious hijinks and solving mysteries in their usual bumbling way. No Fred, Daphne, and Shaggy knockoffs, just the four of them. That would be fun, wouldn't it?

Let's Watch This: An Episode (or Two) of "The Wacky World of Tex Avery"

NOTE: Please do not take any of the little nitpicks in this review (or any of my other reviews, for that matter) seriously. I write these reviews in the hopes of making people laugh. Those nitpicks are really just dumb little observations that I'm attempting to make jokes out of, not complaints that add to whether or not I like something.

NOTE #2: No disrespect is meant towards anyone who worked on the show I am reviewing today. I'm sure they are all very nice and talented people.

NOTE #3: If you like this show, that is great. Go ahead and like it. I'm not judging you.

You know who Tex Avery is, right?

If you're a big fan of animation, you should. Tex is one of the most influential animators who ever lived. His cartoons were known for how absolutely deranged and bizarre they were: lots of surrealist humor, fourth wall shattering, sight gags, that sort of thing. He helped create characters like Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, and Porky Pig for Warner Brothers, and also created characters like Droopy, Red Hot Riding Hood, and Screwy Squirrel for MGM. A lot of cartoons made since the Golden Age of Animation owe a lot to Tex.

Now, in the 1990s, Tex's influence was still present in animated MOVIES (Aladdin and Hercules, for example, both have gags that wouldn't be out of place in Tex's cartoons), television shows not so much. All the new Looney Tunes productions at the time based their styles of humor and takes on the characters from Chuck Jones' shorts, and a lot of comedic cartoons were either following the Animaniacs mindset of "pop culture references and risque humor = instant laughs" (The Spooktacular Adventures of Casper, for instance), trying too hard to be hip and cool with the kids, yo (coughcoughQuack Packcoughcough) or just doing their own thing (The Angry Beavers is a hilarious show, but I would hesitate to say it's similar to Tex's work). So doing a cartoon that reminds the world of what Mr. Avery brought to the table sounds like a good idea on paper, right?

A few things made The Wacky World of Tex Avery, created by the good folks at DiC Entertainment, doomed from the start. Most notably, this show had absolutely nothing to do with Tex or his characters - there's no Droopy, no Screwy Squirrel, certainly no Looney Tunes characters. Apparently, they originally wanted to use his characters, but they couldn't get the rights. Their solution? Make a bunch of new characters inspired by characters from Tex's cartoon shorts, name one of them after Tex, and rely mostly on aping Tex's style. The show premiered in France on September 3rd, 1997 and then aired in syndication in the United States in November. One season of sixty-five episodes was produced.

Each episode of The Wacky World of Tex Avery featured three segments. You had...

- Tex Avery, a cowboy loosely based on a character created NOT by Tex Avery but rather by Bob Clampett - Red Hot Ryder from Buckaroo Bugs. Voiced by the great Billy West, Tex repeatedly faces off against the villainous Sagebrush Sid (also Billy West).

- Pompeii Pete (voiced by Ian James Corlett), a diminuitive Roman centurion who survived a volcano's eruption by being preserved in lava and now lives in the modern world. He doesn't seem to have any trouble adapting and mostly just serves as an way to put a guy named Dan (Alec Willows) through the wringer, whether he deserves it or not.

- Einstone (also Ian James Corlett), an inexplicably German-accented caveman and the world's first inventor. Whenever he tries to teach the other cavemen how to use his inventions, "hilarity" ensues.

- Genghis (Lee Tockar) and Khannie (Cree Summer using her Elmyra Duff voice), a lion and panda cub respectively. Genghis is a warlord trying to conquer places, but wherever he goes, he runs into Khannie, who always manages to foil his plans.

- Freddy the Fly (Billy West again), a hobo fly whose very presence ticks off a fat short-tempered billionaire named Amanda Banshee (Scott McNeil).

- Maurice (Terry Klassen) and Mooch (Maurice LaMarche), a chick and a fox respectively. They're basically just Tweety and Sylvester except they're a chick and a fox instead of a canary and a cat. And also Maurice has a Swedish accent. And also they're not funny. By the way, Tex Avery didn't even create Sylvester or Tweety, I don't think he even directed any Sylvester and Tweety cartoons.

- Power Pooch (Phil Hayes), a dog who gains superpowers after licking a superhero's shoe and fights the forces of evil with his kitten sidekick, Little Buddy (also Lee Tockar).

The Wacky World of Tex Avery is generally regarded as being crap by everyone who's watched it. Apparently it did better outside of the U.S., in places where Tex isn't quite as well-known. Currently, you can find it on Tubi, and I believe it's also airing on the channel MeTV Toons. For years, it's been sitting there begging for me to do a review of it, but I was afraid to. Not just because of how bad I've heard it was, but because I feared that maybe I'd actually wind up LIKING it, or finding it just okay, and that would mean I have weird taste in cartoons. It doesn't help that TV Tropes claims that most people have said it's not that bad. But, regardless, I knew that I would have to do it EVENTUALLY, and after so many reviews in a row of things that I found either okay (Robotboy, The Replacements) or mediocre (The Get-Along Gang), which I've found don't make for particularly funny reviews, I decided that I needed to review something that was supposedly really, really bad, if only to make my blog less monotonous.

Did I enjoy The Wacky World of Tex Avery? Spoiler alert: NO. I mean, for crying out loud, just look at the intro:

I think that summed it up, but today, I did something a little different. I've decided to review TWO episodes, not one, the second one consisting of three different segments than the first. I think this'll help me judge the show better. Or maybe I'm just a glutton for punishment, either or. We'll be watching the fourth episode first, then the tenth episode after that. This is The Wacky World of Tex Avery.

Our first segment, starring Tex Avery, is "Bottleneck Bear".

We start off with Tex strolling along, playing a guitar and singing "Oh My Darling Clementine". Before Huckleberry Hound can show up and sue him for copying his shtick, Tex realizes that he's near the house of his much hotter girlfriend Chasity Knott (Kathleen Barr), and he's not gonna pass up the chance to suck face with her.

The 1990s: the decade that told us it was okay to be attracted to a cartoon character.
See also Lola Bunny, Hello Nurse, Jasmine, Esmeralda...

There's just one problem - to get to Chasity's house, he has to walk past the cave of a bear. A bear with an attitude problem.

"I'm surlier than the a-ver-age bear!"

The bear beats the crap out of Tex, then crumples him up into a ball and sends him flying. He lands in a hole occupied by a rabbit who is clearly meant to be Bugs Bunny but he isn't Bugs Bunny because he's owned by another company.

See, he's PURPLE, not grey. That makes him a totally different character!

"I'd like to see him try that again!" Tex claims as he tries to walk by the bear's cave once again. And the bear... well, he doesn't quite try it again. He just EATS Tex. Well, cartoon over. Eh-buh-dee-eh-buh-dee-that's all, folks.

Oh, of COURSE Tex is alive - he's a cartoon character, after all. He's sitting in the bear's stomach, waiting to be digested. Take a look at what the bear's been eating. Yogi Bear just eats the food inside pic-a-nic baskets, this bear has eaten the whole basket, the picnic blanket, an umbrella... dear lord, I wonder if he ate the picnickers too, and we just don't see them because they've already been digested.

And why am I making so many Hanna-Barbera jokes in a show based on Tex Avery's
work?

Tex starts a fire and then escapes through a convenient door in the bear's stomach. I gotta say it, there's an episode of Timon and Pumbaa that did the "bear has a door in his stomach" joke better. Then he fills the bear's stomach with gasoline, causing an explosion. The bear's pretty mad now, but before he can pound Tex, a whistle goes off, prompting Tex to announce a "union break". Then another bear shows up, gives him demerits for not taking a union break, and puts him on probation. Are you laughing yet? I'm not.

We get a chase scene that culminates in Tex getting tossed into the rabbit's hole again, and then Tex decides to dress up like Goldilocks. Apparently, the Bear Union states that if you're a bear, you can't hurt Goldilocks unless she's in your house. Before the bear can even do anything to Tex, his cave gets taken away by the Bear Union. Okay, now I'm honestly on the bear's side. Becoming homeless seems like a pretty harsh punishment.

After that, the bear grabs what he thinks is Tex and shoves a pot of honey on his head. And then a beehive. And then three bowls of porridge. And then he starts hitting him with a club... which Tex hands to him. Uh oh, if THAT'S Tex, then who's he attacking?

"Bamm! Bamm! Bamm! Bamm! Bamm!"

(Look, ANOTHER Hanna-Barbera joke. Why AM I making so many of them?)

As you probably could have guessed, it's that bear from the union who kept giving him demerits. As a result, he has to... become Chasity's maid? I don't get the joke here...

Remember, all you folks unlucky in love: if Tex can get a significant other, one much hotter
than him at that, ANYONE can!

Okay, next segment...

"Sitter Jitters" stars Maurice and Mooch. Maurice's parents are going out for the evening, and they've hired a babysitter for their son. Mooch, eavesdropping, sees this as an opportunity to have him for dinner. So he kidnaps the babysitter and takes her place. Which involves dressing in drag.

If that's a lady, I'm a Vermicious Knid.

After Maurice's parents leave, Mooch heads into the kitchen to get Maurice some ice cream... and also prepare a nice soup to eat the chick in. There are exactly two jokes in this scene: cutting onions makes Mooch tear up, and the chickens' freezer for some reason has a penguin in it. Neither one is funny.

Next, Mooch attempts to whack Maurice with a giant mallet, but fails at it. Maurice assumes that this means his babysitter wants to play "War". I genuinely don't know if he's aware that Mooch wants to eat him and is just playing along so he can subject him to WHACKY SHENANIGANS or if he's genuinely this dumb. I'm guessing it's the first one, that's usually how it goes in cartoons like this.

I don't think I've ever owned a Super Soaker. That's not particularly interesting, but
I couldn't think of anything else to say here.

It's eight o'clock, which means it's time for Maurice's bath. Mooch pours the contents of the soup pot he prepared earlier into the tub, but when Maurice jumps into the hot broth, he's perfectly fine. When a confused Mooch sticks his finger in there, we get a joke that was probably meant to be funny but instead just comes off as painful:

Ouch. And, also, ew.

Question: is it even legal for Mooch to eat Maurice when they're both anthropomorphic? Like, Sylvester and Tweety were still pretty anthropomorphic too, but they were still essentially a cat and a bird. They didn't wear clothes, they were kept by Granny as pets instead of living in houses that they owned themselves, Sylvester's trying to eat Tweety was clearly just cat instinct more than anything. But Maurice and Mooch are clearly just as anthropomorphic as, say, Porky Pig is. Wouldn't Mooch be charged for infantcide? And if he's a legal citizen in a world full of other anthropomorphic animals, isn't there some other way he can get food? Can't he just go to a supermarket or something?

Mooch's next attempt to eat Maurice results in the whole bathroom being flooded, and we get one of those Scooby-Doo-esque gags where the characters run in and out of doors on opposite sides of each other. Long story short, Maurice eventually manages to trap Mooch in his own crock pot, shrinking him down to the size of a Barbie doll.

Declaring that Maurice's parents will be hearing from his lawyer, Mooch storms out of the house... and is promptly attacked by the babysitter he mugged earlier. The end. Let's see what Freddy the Fly is up to...

"Flychiatry" begins with Amanda doing much damage to her dollar sign-shaped house in an attempt to kill Freddy. She really hates flies, more so than anybody probably should. Eventually, some guys in an ambulance show up and drag her out of her house in a straightjacket. I feel like we're being given the punchline to a cartoon without being shown the setup first.

The ambulance also looks like a limousine for some reason? I guess it's supposed to
be a joke about how Amanda is rich? Maybe?

At the mental asylum, a psychiatrist with the voice of the Brain has to listen to Amanda rant for what seems like an eternity about Freddy. He eventually deduces that this fly is nothing more than a figment of her imagination, a manifestation of whatever is bugging her (ba dum kssssh). She dubs herself cured and goes back to her mansion, where she sees Freddy again and thinks that she's relapsing. Thus begins a few minutes of the same joke being told over and over again: she sees the fly, she pinches herself and says that there is no fly, the fly vanishes and she thinks she's just imagining him, lather, rinse, repeat.

I guess this qualifies as a "fly in my soup" gag. They probably felt required to do it
at least ONCE.

Eventually, Freddy calls up the psychiatrist, and when he shows up he realizes that if he can see Freddy too, the fly must be real after all. Amanda does not take that well, and chases him around the house hungry for psychiatrist blood. Fin.

Well, that sucked. Let's watch the tenth episode, which begins with the Genghis and Khannie segment "Greek-a-Boo":

Genghis is a barbarian, crossing the Mediterranean Sea. His crew consists of Attila the Hun lookalikes, and they're planning to conquer Greece.

Apparently, Genghis is inspired by the lion from Tex's 1947 cartoon Slap Happy Lion. I don't
care much for that short - it's one of those cartoons where a smug jerk torments someone
for the heck of it, is always one step ahead of them, is unescapable no matter how hard the
tormentee tries, and winds up getting off scott-free.

Upon arriving in Greece, Genghis proclaims that he'll conquer it using a trick he learned while conquering Troy. He'll use a Trojan Horse... or rather, a Trojan PIG. Pigs are funnier than horses, I guess?

Well, at least it's not a Trojan MONKEY. You know how funny everyone thinks monkeys are...

His plan is to give the pig to the Greeks as a gift, with them hiding inside it, then they'll jump out and conquer 'em. Who answers the door when they attempt it? Khannie, who declares that she'll burn it as a sacrifice to the gods of Olympus. Haven't her parents taught her not to play with matches?

I know Maurice is the Tweety Bird knockoff here, but I can't help but wonder if Khannie
was inspired by him too. They have the exact same head shape.

So she sets it aflame and sends it tumbling down the hill. Greeks: one, Genghis: nada. Next, he builds a Trojan PUPPY, because who could turn down a puppy? Problem is, Khannie says she can't let the giant puppy in until it "does its duty" - or rather, its DOODY. Yes, this show that desperately wants to be Tex Avery's work has toilet humor in it. Nyuck nyuck nyuck.

After emerging from the Trojan Dog's rear end, Genghis and his crew are surrounded by Greek guards, wrapped up in newspaper like fish, and tossed over a cliff. Genghis' next plan is to hide in a giant wooden Statue of Liberty. Khannie puts the statue... where the actual Statue of Liberty is located. Okay, I guess that's... KIND OF funny?

Well, maybe Genghis can conquer New York instead. Or at least see a Broadway show
(I bet he'd love The Lion King).

Upon returning to Greece, Genghis discovers that they can get in simply by finding the key under the welcome mat. They head inside and run into Khannie, who somehow drags them into taking part in her play. After more unfunny jokes, we cut to this fat guy who I'm guessing is supposed to be Zeus, who's watching the play on TV. He dubs the lion an awful actor and cancels the show. The end.

"Ugh, they call THIS a tribute to Tex Avery? I'm watching something else. Maybe
Cow and Chicken is on..."

Next segment...

"Toothpaste Pete" casts Dan as a bank robber, who hides out from the cops in a dentist's office. He tells the receptionist that he has a toothache, so she calls for the dentist's assistant. I'll give you five guesses who that assistant is.

The dentist's waiting room has a potted cactus in it. I'm not sure what the joke there
is, but I'll admit it's sort of funny too, if only for how "out there" it is.

Let's be honest, going to the dentist is awful enough already, but all this short does is demonstrate how much Pete should not be a dentist's assistant, which begs the question as to how he got the job in the first place. He burns a hole in Dan's head, plays his teeth like a xylophone, and while attempting to clean them SCRUBS DAN'S FACE OFF. Congratulations, cartoon, you are making me feel sorry for a BANK ROBBER.

Eventually, Pete manages to remove all of Dan's teeth, and when he complains that he wants them back fills his mouth up with cement and sculpts replacement teeth out of it. Dan runs away screaming, Pete continues to babble in Italian, and I'm still not laughing.

Our third segment stars Einstone.

It's a rainy day in Not-Bedrock. While Einstone is attempting to invent an electric whoopie cushion (I don't know either), the other cavemen are bothered by a leak in their cave's roof. He tells the cavemen to get a lot of tar and meet him on the cave's roof - they'll use the car to cover the leak. But the cavemen just pour the tar all over themselves, and eventually create an even BIGGER hole in the roof out of stupidity. "Zhese morons have zhe I.Q. of a ROCK!" Einstone complains. "On second thought, I doubt zhey're zhat evolved!"

They make Patrick Star, Linda Belcher, Dudley Puppy, Pinkie Pie, Peter Griffin, Ralph Wiggum,
Zapp Brannigan, Stimpy, and Cosmo from The Fairly OddParents look like members of MENSA.

So they try again. First, he puts some sticks, palm fronds, and bricks over the hole. Then he tells the cavemen to pour the tar over it. Instead, they pour it over themselves again. Honestly, Einstone, why did you even bother enlisting their help?

Enraged, Einstone glues the three dimwitted tar-covered cavemen to the cave's roof. Problem solved... oh, wait, there's another leak. Well, no time to worry about that now, Einstone decides to invent the microwave, the dishwasher, and the toilet.

Pictured: where this show belongs.

Blah blah blah, it takes a few minutes to get the cavemen to understand how using a toilet works, and eventually Einstone makes a decent amount of money by making it a pay toilet. "Zhere's no business like BUSINESS business!" he tells us. The end.

What's the Verdict? (Finally!)

Y'know, if this show weren't meant to be a tribute to Tex Avery, I'd probably just brush it off as one of those cartoons that's bad, but not the worst thing I've ever seen. But the fact that it was meant to be a tribute to one of the most influental animators of all time makes it so much worse than it really is.

Ignoring that, as previously stated, it really has nothing to do with Tex aside from one of the characters being named after him, this show feels nothing like Tex's work. It doesn't LOOK like Tex's work - most of that is probably because they used digital ink and paint over the original cartoons' hand-painted backgrounds, but the characters look more like they jumped out of The Ren and Stimpy Show than anything. Second, the jokes suck. There aren't any of the clever sight gags. The dialogue isn't witty at all. Every so often we get a wild take, but they feel very restrained compared to the ones in a Droopy or Red Hot Riding Hood cartoon. Every single attempt at slapstick falls flat. There's barely even any squash-and-stretch! The characters? I can't think of one I actually liked. They're all either dull and unfunny (Tex Avery himself), incredibly annoying (Pompeii Pete), unpleasant (Amanda), or knockoffs (Maurice). The voice actors are trying their best, but even they can't make the characters more fun to watch.

Do you know what this is? Remember those crappy Larry Doyle-produced Looney Tunes shorts Warner Bros. made in the 2000s? Y'know, Museum Scream and Cock-a-Doodle-Duel and the other four? Those shorts that were so bad Warner Bros. cancelled the ones that hadn't been completed yet and decided not to release them in theaters like they'd been planning? Imagine if Larry Doyle and his crew somehow got to be in charge of an Animaniacs reboot. That's The Wacky World of Tex Avery. My suggestion: seek out the cartoons actually made by Tex Avery instead. You can find most of them online (a few are on Dailymotion, some of them are on Vimeo). You'll have far more fun watching shorts like Happy-Go-Nutty, Dumb-Hounded, and Magician Maestro than you will watching this garbage.

To end this review, I looked up the writers of these episodes to see what else they've worked on. They've got pretty impressive resumes... Drew Daywalt wrote for Timon and Pumbaa and Buzz Lightyear of Star Command. Henry Gilroy wrote episodes of 2 Stupid Dogs, Taz-Mania, Jackie Chan Adventures, Kim Possible, El Tigre, and even a lot of Marvel cartoons. Jeffrey Scott worked on DuckTales, TaleSpin, Muppet Babies, Goof Troop, the 1980s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, The Save-Ums!, and Dragon Tales. As for Mike Fontanelli, he seems to be more of an animator than a writer, doing character designs for shows like Tiny Toon Adventures and SpongeBob SquarePants (though he did write two cartoons for House of Mouse). All four of these guys (I couldn't find any information about Michael Patrick Dobbins, he's likely done better work elsewhere too) clearly have talent, so what on Earth happened here?

Further reading:
- A 2011 review of the show by a Mr. Martianinvader
- The Terror of Tiny Toon's 2014 review of the show

And no, I'm not doing a re-review of the show, so don't even ask.