Let's Watch This: An episode of "Ozzy & Drix"

In 2001, Warner Brothers released a movie called Osmosis Jones.

The film was a combination of live action and animation, telling the story of a guy played by Bill Murray who's an unhygienic slob, unaware of the weird animated world that's featured inside his body. The titular character, a white blood cell cop named Osmosis "Ozzy" Jones voiced by Chris Rock, teams up with a cold pill named Drix voiced by David Hyde Pierce to defeat an evil virus voiced by Laurence Fishburne. It was a box office bomb, it received a fifty-five percent rating on Rotten Tomatoes, and Chris Rock apparently admitted in a 2017 interview that the film didn't turn out as well as he'd hoped. He would have more success in the animation world as the voice of Marty from Madagascar. I would recommend watching the Cartoon Hero's review of the film, which can be found here. The Nostalgia Critic also did a review of it, but it's less of a review and more of him and his crew attempting to parody Inside Out while comparing that movie to Osmosis Jones, so it's really not worth watching.

Regardless of the film's failure, somebody felt that the film had potential to make a great TV show, and so in 2002 a show called Ozzy & Drix premiered on Kids' WB.

Ozzy & Drix takes place after the movie, but unlike the movie it's entirely animated. The first episode has Ozzy and Drix getting sucked out of Bill Murray's character's body via a mosquito and winding up in the body of a high schooler named Hector Cruz. They still fight crime inside the body. The show was less violent and more family-friendly than the film. Since Chris Rock and David Hyde Pierce were either too busy to reprise their roles or just too expensive for the showrunners to get, Ozzy and Drix were now voiced by Phil LaMarr (who's also filled in for Chris as the voice of Marty from Madagascar in smaller projects like video games and commercials) and Jeff Bennett respectively. While we're on the subject of voices, the show had a very impressive cast, with Jim Cummings, Brad Garrett, Rob Paulsen, Kimberly Brooks, Patrick Fraley, Frank Welker, Kevin Michael Richardson, Billy West, Jess Harnell, Tara Strong, Henry Winkler, Charlie Adler, Cree Summer, and Kath Souice among the folks to lend their voices to it. The show ran for two seasons, making for a total of twenty-six episodes. And the theme song is a horrid rap.

And what better episode of a show about the human body to watch than the show's Very Special Episodetm about smoking? "When There's Smoke" it's called. Now, Very Special Episodes tend to be an easy target for reviewers because of how heavy-handed and/or preachy they can be (remember Captain Planet's episode about AIDS?). But they CAN be done well (Arthur managed to do a surprisingly effective episode about 9/11, for example), so who knows? Maybe this won't be so bad after all...

"When There's Smoke" begins with Hector (Justin Cowden) and his friends playing basketball. Little does Hector know that inside of him, in the City of Hector, everyone is having a fun day at the park. The city's mayor, teenaged Paul Spryman (Alanna Ubach), welcomes everyone to the city's annual "Air Fair", the day where they celebrate air. After all, without air they wouldn't be able to breathe. Why is the mayor a teenager? I don't know, maybe they explain that in a previous episode...

Did you know that in the movie, the mayor was voiced by William Shatner? I know that
doesn't really have to do with anything, I just couldn't think of anything else to say here.

Ozzy, who's seated at a table with Drix, comments that if Paul doesn't stop yakking soon, they're gonna have to rename the festival the "HOT Air Fair". Drix's pet dog germ Dander takes a sip of Ozzy's soda (or whatever the soda equivalent in this place is) and burps in Ozzy's face. Burping: it's automatically funny. Oh, wait, no it isn't. Sorry.

"Eugh, dog breath!"

Actually, considering that Dander was actually formed from the saliva of Hector's pet
dog, would that mean he smells like dog breath ALL the time?

Paul announces that the Air Fair's finale will be a performance by the hottest new band inside of Hector, Metabolica. Get it? It's like Metallica, but... yeah, sorry, I won't explain all the jokes.

In the real world, Hector and his Rob Paulsen-voiced best friend Travis Lum are talking about how Travis hasn't washed his gym clothes in months (he's hoping to beat the record, which is six months). Then their attention is suddenly grabbed by two shady-lookin' ninth graders hiding under the bleachers. I smell the episode's antagonist!

No, Hector, don't fraternize with the ninth graders hiding under the bleachers! They're
ALWAYS the ones that get the main character hooked on drugs or smoking or whatever
in these Very Special Episodes!

Travis encourages Hector to go over and talk to Shady Ninth Grader Who's Totally Going to Get Hector Smoking (his name is Jude, but I'm just going to call him Shady Ninth Grader). Predictably, Shady Ninth Grader (Rino Romano) offers Hector a cigarette. Hector is reluctant to take it, but of course Shady Ninth Grader starts taunting him. Don't give in, Hector!

Back inside the city of Hector, Ozzy smells something strange in the air. Smoke appears above the citizens' heads. Ozzy recognizes it as cigarette smoke, which I guess means Hector decided like an idiot to light one up.

Hector, you moron.

Ozzy runs onto the stage and tells everyone to run for their lives because the smoke is toxic. "In an orderly fashion, of course!" Drix adds. The citizens all start panicking, and as if things couldn't possibly get any worse, this guy shows up.

What is that thing, a Pokémon?

And then this character shows up, too.

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that this character has a lot of fanart on the internet.

And then this character.

Nice gut you've got there, buddy.

And then this guy, voiced by Tim Curry with an Australian accent.

Somebody needs a manicure.

Ozzy tells Drix that the four evil dudes are some of the chemicals of cigarette smoke. The Pokémon-looking guy's name is Tar (Frank Welker), the gas girl's name is Carbon Monoxide (Tara Strong), the pinheaded guy with the gut's name is Butane (Jeff Bennett), and the skeletal guy with the long nails and the extremely large forehead is named Nick O'Teen (get it?). They all climb into their car, and Drix tries to freeze them but Butane blocks his ice blast with his fire blast, which not only allows them to get away but means that I can't make an "I WAS FROZEN TODAY!" joke.

Hector arrives back at his house and tries very hard not to let his mom know that he's been smoking. Meanwhile, Butane tells Nick O'Teen that if they're gonna stick around the city of Hector, Nick's gotta get Hector to keep smoking. "All I have to do is figure out who's in charge here," Nick snarls, then Carbon Monoxide shows him a flyer featuring Mayor Paul with Metabolica.

Speaking of the mayor, he's currently messing around with his hair while Ozzy tells him about Nick and his ways of making people addicted to smoking.

Since Ozzy was originally voiced by Chris Rock, I suppose I should make an Oscars joke.
But I won't.

"Remember the time Hector couldn't stop eating Mondo Choco Bars?!" Ozzy tells Paul. "He ate 'em until he hurled and he STILL wanted more!" The Police Chief (Jim Cummings) points out that there's a difference between chocolate bars and cigarettes - namely, chocolate tastes good while cigarettes stink - so is there really a chance of Hector becoming addicted to cigarettes? "Perhaps I can elucidate," Drix pipes up as he begins to draw on a piece of paper. "Tobacco smoke contains nicotine, which causes the release of the neurotransmitter dopamine, signaling the body to experience pleasure."

"No, it's not a piece of cauliflower. You all really stink at Pictionary."

Paul then rudely insults Drix for no reason whatsoever by demanding to know why he's so boring. How the heck DID this kid become the mayor?

"Let me bottom line it for you," Ozzy says. "If Nick gets control of the brain, Hector won't be able to resist smoking and we are FINITO!" "He CAN'T get control of the brain 'cause I control it!" Paul replies. My confidence level is hanging by a thread right now (and presumably Ozzy's is too). The Police Chief then says that he'll put some guys on patrol in the neck just in case any toxins get in. Then Paul heads off to the Metabolica concert.

I still don't get why anybody would elect Green-Skinned Bart Simpson here mayor of their city.
What, was his campaign slogan "YOU COULD DO WORSE" or something like that?

The next day at school, Hector runs into Shady Ninth Grader again. He gives him a bootleg CD of some band's performance at an awards show and says that later they can listen to it after lunch... in some place called the "smoking lounge". Dun dun dun!

Hector still isn't one hundred percent sure if smoking is such a good idea, but Shady Ninth Grader tells him not to be "such a wuss". I was under the impression that "wuss" is a swear. How'd they get away with it here?

The city of Hector is starting to look more like the city of Kool-Aid to me.

Ozzy, Drix, and Dander are driving around the city in search of the toxins. They see a pile of ashes that was presumably at one point a car, and Ozzy puts the pedal to the metal and drives over to ask this girl named Maria (Tasia Valenza) who I'm guessing is supposed to be Ozzy's love interest if she's seen the toxins around.

I actually had to check to see if this was supposed to be the same character as Ozzy's
love interest in the movie. It's not (they don't even look that much alike), but it's pretty clear
that this girl is supposed to be a Suspiciously Similar Substitute.

Dander then picks up the toxins' scent - they went into the South Bound Diaphragm. "Nick's not goin' for the brain! He's goin' for the guy who RUNS the brain - the MAYOR!" Ozzy exclaims. And considering what an idiot Mayor Paul is, corrupting the mayor probably won't be a problem for Nick.

At the Diaphragm, we discover that Nick has the ability to turn people into his gray zombie slaves, which he promptly does to each member of Metabolica. Then he disguises himself, goes on stage and sings (because if you have Tim Curry voicing a villainous character, you've gotta have him sing. It's just common knowledge) about how nicotine is addictive and unstoppable. And as he's singing, smoke seeps into the audience and turns them all grey and mind-controlled like the Metabolica guys. Jeez, this episode took a creepy turn all of a sudden.

Fortunately, Ozzy and Drix show up before Nick can get away.

I'm just now noticing that Ozzy's car has... what are those things on the bottom? Tassels?

"This here's a no-smokin' area!" Ozzy shouts, getting out his gun. Slipping into his car, Nick tells his henchmen to get rid of Ozzy and Drix, then meet him at the brain's "pleasure center". First Butane melts Ozzy's gun with his fire breath (he hates it when that happens), then Tar shoots a tarball at Drix's arm cannon thing, clogging it up and making him peeved. He still tries to fire at them, but it... well, let's just say it backfires.

Oh, good, now I can finally make an "I WAS FROZEN TODAY!" joke.

Ozzy initially finds himself completely outnumbered, but finally manages to blow up Tar, Butane and Carbon with a little help from High Voltage. Drix thaws out, and Ozzy announces that they have to get to the "pleasure center". Alas, Nick and the brainwashed Mayor Paul have gotten there first.

Is it just me, or does "pleasure center" sound incredibly dirty?

When did Nick turn into a Xenomorph?

So, the pleasure center turns out to be this center of the brain where everything that gives Hector pleasure - skateboarding, ice cream, and music for example - are held. "It's time to give him something NEW to crave!" Nick snaps before he turns into, uh, this thing...

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEES! THE POWEEEEEEEEEEER! THE UNIVERSE IS MINE
TO COMMAAAAAAAAAAAAND! TO CONTROOOOOOOOOOOOOL!"

Say, didn't they initially consider having Tim Curry voice Jafar before Jonathan Freeman
was cast?

He begins to corrupt the pleasure center, but in the real world, Hector runs into another student and HIS love interest (the Maria to Hector's Ozzy, one could say) named Christina (Kimberly Brooks). Christina chews him out for smoking and announces that if he's stupid enough to smoke, she's smart enough to stay away from him. After that, Hector meets back up with Shady Ninth Grader, who invites him into the "smoking lounge"... which is just that area behind the bleachers where this big crazy mess got started.

Ozzy and Drix arrive at the entrance to Hector's brain, which is being guarded by police officers who Nick brainwashed. Drix distracts them by dressing in drag, allowing Nick to sneak inside. Alas, once he gets inside he's restrained by the brainwashed Police Chief. Nick starts bragging about how he's unbeatable.

Okay, let me guess how this is going to end... Shady Ninth Grader is gonna offer Hector another cigarette. Hector realizes that, hey, smoking is bad for you and refuses. This causes Nick to lose his power over Hector or whatever.

Pictured: Ozzy and the face of pure evil. Oh, and Nick.

Eeyup. Hector refuses to smoke another cigarette and walks away, much to Nick's outrage. The cigarette that Nick created inside the pleasure center explodes like a firecracker, Nick starts to shrink down, and the brainwashed Police Chief and Mayor Paul snap out of it. Then Drix shows up.

And he's still dressed like Edna Mode.

Nick continues shrinking until he's the size of a bug. He shouts that he's unbeatable, but Ozzy delivers an epic one-liner: "I don't think so. See, all folks gotta do is put their feet down!" As he says this, he steps on Nick, defeating the diabolical personification of smoking and how awful it is once and for all.

Hector tells Christine that she was right, smoking is awful and does awful things to you. Ozzy is still confused as to how Nick was defeated if he couldn't stop him. "I guess Hector did it himself!" Drix says with a smile. The end.

What's the Verdict?

Y'know, I was actually pleasantly surprised by this episode. I went in expecting to cringe, but it was actually much better than I thought it would be. Not GREAT, but still pretty good. It manages to tell the viewer that smoking is something you should not do without being too heavy-handed about it. The voice actors all do a good job (although Tara Strong is pretty much wasted as Carbon, a character who only has one line). And I'll admit, it actually got pretty creepy there near the end.

I doubt that I'll be watching any more episodes of Ozzy and Drix, but I think most people would like it. If you want to watch it, though, I would recommend checking out the movie first.

And remember - to quote Donatello, drug dealers are dorks. Don't smoke. Seriously, don't do it.