Let's Watch This: An Episode of "Galaxy High School"

We're really getting obscure today! We're gonna be looking at a show that was basically a precursor to Lloyd in Space. Sort of. I mean, they both mainly focused on aliens going to school.

Anyhow, Galaxy High School exists.

Found this on IMDB. Oddly, the humans on the poster look nothing like
the humans in the actual show. Maybe this was early concept art?

This show was created by none other than Chris Columbus, who you probably know better as the director of two Harry Potter movies. It aired on CBS in 1986, but for whatever reason only lasted thirteen episodes. Fortunately, all thirteen episodes managed to get a DVD release.

The show's plot is explained via the theme song: there are these two kids in high school. One of them, Doyle Cleverlobe (voiced by Hal Rayle) was a skilled athlete beloved by all. The other, Aimee Brighttower (voiced by Susan Blu), was the smartest girl in school but not very popular. They're chosen (presumably at random) to be transferred to a high school in outer space called Galaxy High School, located on an asteroid named Flutor.

Personally, I wouldn't want to go to a high school in space. I get homesick very easily. Which reminds me, did Doyle and Aimee's parents have any say in this? Do they at least have some way of keeping contact with their kids? Are the kids living in space? If so, where? Or do they have some sort of vehicle or machine that allows them to travel back to their homes on Earth at the end of each school day? What if they get sick or injured? And what if the alien nurse doesn't know how to treat a human? Will the aliens running the school have to abduct a human doctor? How are they even able to breathe in space when they don't have spacesuits on? And most importantly, IS THEIR MAIL BEING FORWARDED TO WHEREVER IT IS THAT THEY'RE LIVING?

Well, anyhow, today we'll be watching the first episode of Galaxy High School to see if the show's any good, or if it deserves to languish in obscurity. Said first episode is fittingly titled "Welcome to Galaxy High" and was written by Chris Columbus himself. Let's get started, shall we?

The episode begins with Doyle and Aimee arriving at Galaxy High. Doyle quickly demonstrates his main character trait - he thinks that he's hot stuff and the greatest thing since sliced bread - by telling Aimee not to follow him around. If she does, she might scare off all the hot alien girls that Doyle thinks will worship the ground he walks on. They wind up getting sucked by one of these transportation tube things...

Boy, only one minute in and already I'm reminded of Futurama...

...and wind up getting spit out in front of this guy. Everyone, say hello to Milo de Venus (David L. Lander).

Peter Griffin after a bite from a radioactive spider.

Milo offers to give them a tour of the school. All over the place there are weird-looking aliens, allowing the character designers to have some fun. Doyle continues to be a jerk to Aimee. A likeable character he is not thus far.

They arrive at their lockers, which as it turns out are sentient (and are both voiced by Henry "Wilbur the Pig" Gibson). Aimee's is friendly, Doyle's has an attitude problem.

Dang, I wish the lockers at MY school were sentient. It would've made trying
to remember a combination much easier.

After that, it's off to the gymnasium, which is also sentient. A girl's gym class is going on at the moment, which gets Doyle excited because he's horny and thinks of himself as hot stuff. But the girls don't give a crap about Doyle - they're excited over Aimee's presence. According to Milo, the male population at Galaxy High outnumbers the females three to one. Must make school dances really difficult.

This is Booey Bubblehead. Get it? She's a literal airhead?

At homeroom, we get to meet the school principal, Ms. Biddy McBrain, voiced by Pat Carroll. You probably know her best as the voice of Ursula from The Little Mermaid, but she also lent her voice to Jon Arbuckle's grandmother in the Garfield TV specials.

You think she's related to Douglas from Lloyd in Space?

Ms. McBrain summons a blackboard that ALSO turns out to be sentient. Boy, this place is a regular Pee-Wee's Playhouse isn't it?

He also talks like a game show host, which automatically makes him awesome.

The blackboard tells Aimee that since she has such good grades, she'll be receiving a Galaxy High School scholarship. And to help her get to her classes, she also gets an awesome car!

Wait, so she's going to drive a car through the school's hallways? I don't know about outer space schools, but in Earth schools I'm preeeeeeeeeeeetty sure that driving a car down the hallways is frowned upon.

I don't have a driver's license and am also absolutely terrified of driving, but if
I did and I wasn't, I would totally want that car.

Doyle, meanwhile, has crappy grades and is irresponsible and lazy, so he'll have to take a part-time job at Luigi's Luna Pizza Parlor to pay for his tuition. So now a human surrounded by aliens and robots works at a pizza place. I gotta admit, I wasn't expecting Doyle to be a precursor to Phillip J. Fry.

He even has a similar hairstyle.

But they're at least willing to give him a scooter. And it's not even a COOL, futuristic scooter like you usually see in these science-fiction shows. It's... well, just LOOK AT IT:

Wah wah wah wah waaaaaaaaaaaaaah...

"I wanna go back to Earth!" Doyle complains, but Ms. McBrain tells him he can't - Galaxy High School is his last chance to graduate. Makes me wonder, if Doyle's grades were so lousy, how did he wind up winning the chance to go to a high school in space? Was it just a random pick, or did his Earth teachers just want to get him out of their hair?

After that, Doyle walks through the halls grumbling about how much he hates this school, then winds up running afoul of this alien dog.

He should carry around one of those "BEWARE OF THE DOG" signs with him.
Y'know, just as a warning.

We get some WACKY SHENANIGANS as the dog chases Doyle around the school - at one point he runs through what looks like an alien kindergarten class... which is weird, seeing as high schools and kindergartens usually don't share the same building - but Milo saves him. Milo explains that the dog, whose name is Sludge (Patrick Fraley), is the school janitor. And he loves Earthlings... if they're properly salted, that is. More WACKY SHENANIGANS ensue after Sludge tries to fix a pipe, then it's off to the school cafeteria, where Aimee meets this guy.

Presumably, he exists so the toy companies have at least one character they can make
plushes of.

He introduces himself as the Creep (voiced by Danny Mann), and he's fallen head over heels for Aimee. Honestly, she could do worse. For example, Doyle.

Speaking of which, Doyle tries to befriend some jocks, but as it turns out they ain't too fond of Earthlings. "Earth STINKS!" the Foghorn Leghorn-esque one barks.

"Now look here, boy, we don't like, I say, we don't like Earthlings at our school! They're
the scum of the Earth!

Heh, scum of the Earth! That's a joke, boy! You missed it! Flew right over your head!

Boy's about as sharp as a sack of wet mice..."

The jocks demonstrate their hatred of Earthlings by launching Doyle into a French fry-making machine. This is the result:

Look on the bright side, Doyle. Now you can star in commercials for McDonald's.

Milo explains to French Fry Doyle that he ran afoul of the Bonk Bunch, led by the brutish Beef Bonk (John Stephenson). Fortunately, he knows someone who can help get Doyle back to normal - Professor Icenstein (Howard Morris doing a Ludwig Von Drake impression, because all cartoon scientists have to be German even if they're aliens), who hails from the planet Frostor and has to keep his classroom cold or else he'll melt.

I like how his beard appears to be made of ice.

It takes a few tries, but Professor Icenstein manages to get Doyle back to normal. Meanwhile, Aimee's new friends take her "style shopping", which is basically her getting a makeover.

Sorry, Aimee, but I don't think the Cheetah Girls are all that popular nowadays.

As that's going on, Doyle heads to the pizza parlor, where he now works as a waiter. There's a gag where he serves anchovy pizza to an anthropomorphic fish who I swear I've seen before in an episode of SpongeBob SquarePants.

"Can you tell us how to get back to Bikini Bottom?"

We also get to meet Doyle's new boss, Luigi La Bounci (also Howard Morris). He has a stereotypical Italian accent and looks like a cross between Mr. Spacely and Phil from Hercules. I think this is where the character designers ran out of ideas for cool-looking aliens, because this guy is for all intents and purposes a human. He doesn't even have a weird skin tone. Maybe he actually IS human?

"I don't take-a kindly to-a Mario jokes!"

One of the tables that Doyle winds up serving is one where Aimee and her friends are sitting. Doyle is all "Wow, you look hot now!" despite the fact that Aimee wasn't all that unattractive before her makeover. She wasn't even particularly NERDY-looking. So I don't know what Doyle's deal is.

Then he runs afoul of Beef Bonk again, who challenges him to a game of "Zuggleball" the next day. Milo explains that Zuggleball is basically hockey, except the puck is alive.

One of Beef's buddies is the referee, which is a pretty good indication that Doyle's
in trouble.

Cut to the next day. Everyone is gathered to watch Doyle and Beef get it on. In an amusing sight gag, not only is the "puck" alive, but so are the "nets" - they're whales!

Whales with a straw in place of a blowhole. And a shark fin.

Eventually Doyle and Beef are tied, but just to ensure his victory Beef smashes Doyle's stick. In response, Doyle picks up the "puck" and throws it into the whale's mouth. Apparently there ain't no rule against that in Zuggleball. Doyle wins, and starts sucking up to Aimee. Aimee introduces him to his new girlfriend - her gossip-obsessed friend with multiple lips! The end.

Still a better love story than Bee Movie.

WHAT'S THE VERDICT?

Honestly, I kind of liked Gravity High School. A nice variety of character designs, creative twists on what would normally be high school clichés, reasonably funny jokes, and some great voice acting. I particularly liked Howard Morris' performance as Professor Icenstien. Too bad this show didn't get another season, because I think it had potential.

One more thing...

I haven't even SEEN that movie, the screencap just reminded me of the meme.