Let's Watch This: An Episode of "The Sylvester and Tweety Mysteries"

NOTE: Please do not take any of the little nitpicks in this review (or any of my other reviews, for that matter) seriously. I write these reviews in the hopes of making people laugh. Those nitpicks are really just dumb little observations that I'm attempting to make jokes out of, not complaints that add to whether or not I like something.

NOTE #2: No disrespect is meant towards anyone who worked on the show I am reviewing today. I'm sure they are all very nice and talented people.

NOTE #3: If you like this show, that is great. Go ahead and like it. I'm not judging you.

As I've said before, I'm admittedly not a huge fan of Tweety Bird. Do I dislike him? No. I'd gladly take him over, I dunno, Hubie and Bertie or the Space Jam version of Lola Bunny. I'm just really apathetic towards him.

Clearly Tweety doesn't approve of my apathy towards him.

But for whatever reason, Warner Bros. seems to have it in their heads that he's super-popular. I guess Tweety merchandise just sells really well, I don't know. Still, the amount of focus this character has gotten over the years compared to other Looney Tunes characters that aren't Bugs Bunny or, to a lesser extent, Daffy Duck is really mind-boggling. Look at this list I compiled...

- Remember those Looney Tunes webtoons they made in the 2000s? There was a series of those called "Toon Marooned", where a bunch of Looney Tunes characters were stranded on an island and kept getting voted off, culminating in some sort of race inside a volcano between the two remaining contestants. Tweety won (and, predictably, Daffy was the loser, because this was a 2000s Looney Tunes production).

- In the 1980s, The Bugs Bunny Show was renamed The Bugs Bunny and Tweety Show.

- In 2000, he got his own MOVIE, Tweety's High-Flying Adventure (we'll look at that one another time).

- Apparently, he'll be getting a TV series called Tweety Mysteries on HBO Max at some point.

- And, of course, there's that recent King Tweety movie that, honestly, looks pretty bad.

But wait, wait, wait, back up. There's gonna be a show called Tweety Mysteries? Wasn't there already a show called that? Well, sort of. It was actually called The Sylvester and Tweety Mysteries.

The Sylvester and Tweety Mysteries premiered on Kids' WB in September 1995. It got FIVE SEASONS, each one consisting of episodes about Granny (voiced by June Foray), Sylvester (Joe Alaskey), Tweety (Joe Alaskey as well), and Hector the bulldog traveling the world solving mysteries. Other Looney Tunes characters made appearances every so often - there's even a cameo appearance by obscure Looney Tunes character Cool Cat (y'know, that tiger that looked like somebody just painted stripes on the Pink Panther) in every episode. Sounds great, huh?

Well, maybe you can stomach five seasons of Sylvester trying to eat Tweety and being tortured for it, but I've always found myself feeling sympathetic towards Sylvester... sometimes he's not even doing anything wrong but still gets put through the wringer (Canned Feud immediately comes to mind). But hey, maybe the show will pleasantly surprise me. So, we'll watch the twentieth episode, which consists of the segments "They Call Me Mr. Lincoln" and "Froggone It", and see if there's anything of substance in this show. This is The Sylvester and Tweety Mysteries.

"They Call Me Mr. Lincoln" begins with Granny, Sylvester, Tweety, and Hector in Springfield, Illinois, visiting an Abraham Lincoln museum. Sylvester wants to bring in a truckload of food, but the guard out front won't let him. In fact, he even EATS SYLVESTER'S FOOD RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM. So if Sylvester attempts to eat Tweety (which we all know he will) at some point in this episode, we know who's to blame.

Predictably, Sylvester does indeed attempt to eat Tweety, but some WHACKY SHENANIGANS ensue and he winds up getting knocked out with one of Tweety's yellow feathers in his mouth. Tweety suggests that he and Hector teach Sylvester and his "overactive taste buds" a lesson.

"We gotta hide the body! If anybody finds out what we did, we'll be wooking at
hard time in the swammer!"

When Sylvester comes to, he takes the feather out of his mouth and assumes that he's succeeded in eating Tweety at long last. Quick, somebody look out the window to see if Porky Pig has gained the ability of flight.

"Eat your heart out, Wile E. Coyote!"

Then he spots Abraham Lincoln's toothpick on display and decides to use it. But as he's picking his teeth, a tall, shadowy figure wearing a stovepipe hat enters the room to confront him. Spoiler alert: it's Tweety and Hector in disguise. But since Sylvester is apparently a moron, he assumes that it's Abraham Lincoln's ghost, sticks the toothpick in his pocket, and runs out of the museum.

I didn't know Abraham Lincoln wore suspenders.

After that, a tour group comes in. When the tour group sees that Abe's toothpick has been stolen, she calls up the Illinois Buerau of Floss and Toothpicks. Okay, first rule of writing a mystery show - you don't show us the culprit stealing whatever it is that the characters are trying to find at the begining of the episode. If you do, there is no mystery.

Anyhow, Granny uses her magnifying glass to find Sylvester's pawprints on the cushion where the toothpick once sat. I expected her to realize that, y'know, Sylvester stole the toothpick, but instead she assumes that whoever stole the toothpick also took Sylvester hostage.

Not much of a detective, is he?

So now Sylvester thinks that the police are after him for eating Tweety. Adding to his stress is that Abraham Lincoln's likeness is everywhere, so he feels like Abe is watching him. A lot of trouble could've been saved had that stupid guard just let Sylvester bring in his food.

Isn't Abe ripping off Uncle Sam's shtick?

Sylvester eventually winds up running into a giant Abraham Lincoln animatronic. I haven't actually been to Illinois, so I gotta ask, are there really that many Abraham Lincoln posters, signs, statues, etc. scattered around Springfield? Or is this just something the cartoon made up to torture Sylvester?

And hasn't it occurred to Sylvester that it's kind of weird Abe's ghost would care so much about his eating Tweety? Was Abraham Lincoln just a huge Tweety Bird fan?

Well, eventually Sylvester has a creepy hallucination where he's pursued by a gigantic Abraham Lincoln who apparently wants to eat him. Remember what I said earlier about usually feeling more sympathy for Sylvester than Tweety? Yeah, I think the psychological mind games that Tweety and Hector are causing Sylvester here are far worse than what Sylvester did. I mean, I'm not saying I want to see him actually EAT Tweety, but this seems like a pretty harsh punishment.

"I'll teach you to always skip Great Moments With Mr. Lincoln whenever you visit
Disneyland!"

Eventually, Sylvester winds up being swallowed by Abe and we get a scene with him falling into the guy's stomach. Thankfully, they don't go all Museum Scream on us and have him be digested so they can make an unfunny poop joke. Instead, Sylvester winds up on a sardine can sobbing about how sorry he is for eating poor, little, "defenseless", actually pretty sadistic Tweety. Then we get the once-an-episode Cool Cat cameo.

So why did Abe eat Cool Cat? I know I shouldn't bring logic into a stress-induced
hallucination, but I couldn't think of a funny joke to make here.

Oh, and I spoke too soon about them not going all Museum Scream on us. Abe takes a dump and we see Sylvester being flushed down a toilet. Not quite as cringe-worthy as "Are you okay, puddy tat? You wook pooped!", but still not particularly funny.

After snapping out of his acid trip, Sylvester decides to give himself up. He runs back to the museum, and as soon as he gets there Tweety spots the toothpick in his pocket and gives it to Granny. Mystery solved, or at least it would be if there actually WAS a mystery.

"Hooray! I did absolutely nothing!"

Then Sylvester discovers that Tweety is alive. He's extremely relieved... and then is immediately overcome with the desire to eat the little yellow sadist. But then Hector shoots a tomato at his face with Abraham Lincoln's "salad shooter". Tweety gets no comeuppance for causing Sylvester so much anguish and trauma, and the episode ends.

Side note - I'm not a huge fan of Joe Alaskey's Tweety. As talented as he was, his Tweety literally just sounds like a slightly higher version of his Bugs Bunny. Maybe it would've sounded better if they pitched it up like they did Mel Blanc's.

So, yeah. That stunk. Let's see if "Froggone It" is any better.

This episode finds the gang in downtown Burbank, where Granny is showing off her car to a bunch of car enthusiasts. Just then, she notices a commotion going on over at the Warner Brothers studio lot. Oh, goody, we're going to get some self-promotion, aren't we?

Oh, and take note of the sign with "Pass Gas" written on it. Yes, there's a fart joke in a Looney Tunes production. Huzzah.

Did Yakko, Wakko, and Dot get loose again?

After Tweety makes a reference to Surfside 6 (because... hey, it exists, right?), Granny, Tweety, Sylvester, and Hector head over to the studio to see what's going on. Apparently "the frog" has been kidnapped and is being held for ransom.

Okay, this might require an explanation for those who were born after the 1990s and don't use the internet much (or at least don't use it to look up things about a now-defunct television network)… the mascot of The WB was Michigan J. Frog, a character who first appeared in the Looney Tunes short One Froggy Evening. He starred in bumpers, promos, what have you for the channel, merchandise of the character was made, and he even appeared in other 1990s Warner Bros. cartoons like Tiny Toon Adventures and Animaniacs. Today, he's basically a footnote in Looney Tunes history. I think his most recent appearance was in an episode of Wabbit (remember that show?).

Oh, and Sylvester makes another attempt to eat Tweety. Hector stops him by knocking him out with a Cool Cat backscratcher.

I call bull. There's no way Warner Bros. was selling Cool Cat merchandise in their stores
in the 1990s. Especially when there were so many t-shirts with Tweety's face on them taking up
room on the shelves.

Granny asks a guy driving a golf cart who the last person to see Michigan was. The guy says that nobody saw him that day at all, but they did hear him singing in his trailer. He drives her, Sylvester, Tweety, and Hector around the lot, allowing Granny to make a bunch of references to Warner Brothers' past. Hector urinates on a giant fire hydrant (more toilet humor, nyuck nyuck nyuck).

At one point, Sylvester spots a rat scurrying into one soundstage and gives chase. If he can't eat Tweety, maybe he can settle for eating a rodent. Unfortunately, as we've established the universe hates Sylvester.

Ouch.

After the rat knocks a gigantic stone statue over so that it crushes Sylvester, we cut to Granny and Tweety searching Michigan's trailer for clues. Tweety finds a tape recorder, but apparently Granny can't understand what Tweety's saying so he's not able to inform her of it.

Wait, was Granny unable to understand Tweety in the original shorts? I could've sworn that she could understand him just fine. Maybe I'm just misremembering...

There's a reason why this show isn't called The GRANNY, Sylvester and Tweety Mysteries...

Tweety turns on the tape recorder, and it starts playing a tape of Michigan singing, which gets everybody's attention. It's not much help, but then Sylvester gets hit with a videotape, presumably from the kidnappers. After picking it up, Granny warns Sylvester not to get lost around the lot, or else Warner Bros. will put him in another basketball movie.

Wow, they just gave Space Jam the middle finger. I'm so used to seeing people act as though it's the Holy Grail of cinema that it's pretty jarring to see an official Warner Brothers production mention it in a negative light.

Anyhow, they play the tape and it shows Michigan being forced to sing about how the folks at Warner Bros. should give his kidnappers the contents found in Building #310.

"Oh, pleeeeeeeeeeeease don't make me appear in Space Jam 3..."

So they load everything inside Building #310 into a pickup truck. Sylvester makes another attempt at eating Tweety, only to wind up falling into the back of the truck with the stuff.

Here's a question: why does Sylvester even bother going after Tweety? He's TINY. I doubt the bird would make that much of a meal, and I don't think it's worth all the pain, torment, and (in the case of the previous episode) psychological trauma Sylvester goes through. Then again, maybe Sylvester's just picked up on the fact that the universe hates him so much that any other attempts at getting food will be met with failure as well...

Tweety tells Hector that they have to get Sylvester out of the truck before he ruins Granny's plan. Fortunately, he jumps out of the truck as soon as the kidnapper shows up to collect the stuff from Building #310. And we finally get to SEE the kidnapper...

…it's a fly. A giant fly. Sure, why not?

Okay, let's see where they're going with this...

Tweety says that he'd expect the giant fly to be more attracted to Jerry Springer's talk show. I should complain about how dumb and pointless that joke was, but eh, at least that joke actually had a punchline as opposed to just "Hey, Surfside 6 was a thing! That's funny, right?".

Granny says that a six-foot tongue would strike terror into the heart of ANY frog - ergo, this must indeed be the one who "toad-napped" Michigan. I dunno, don't frogs EAT flies? I think if a frog saw a giant fly, their reaction would be less "terror" and more "MUST EAT!". Then the fly grabs Granny with its tongue and takes her back to its eeeeeeeeeeeeeevil lair. Looks like Granny's plan, whatever it was, was an epic fail.

You had ONE JOB, Granny.

Now, if you have no idea what exactly is going on here... join the club. We've got ice cream.

The fly explains to Granny that he wanted the contents of Building #310 because that's the studio barber shop. Okay, and that still explains nothing. But then Sylvester shows up, chasing after that stupid rat from before, and winds up attacking the fly... to which Granny scolds him. I shouldn't have to point this out to you, Granny, but Sylvester is for all intents and purposes SAVING YOU FROM A GIANT FLY.

After Tweety shows up, it's revealed that the fly isn't a fly at all. It's actually the president of "the United Cueball Network".

And he would've gotten away with it, too, if it hadn't been for that meddlin' cat.

Why did he kidnap Michigan? Well, he's tired of being bald, and he heard about a cure for baldness that involves rubbing a live frog on your head... and two hundred gallons of hair tonic. That still doesn't explain why he wanted everything in the studio barber shop, but maybe he figured he should have a backup plan in case the "rubbing a frog on his head" plan didn't work. Actually, now that I think about it, why did he need to dress up as a fly to kidnap Michigan? I know Granny claims that frogs are afraid of giant flies and their six-feet tongues, but I just called shenanigans on that.

So the president gets arrested, and the episode ends with Tweety and Hector singing with Michigan. Personally, I'm shocked that we had a whole episode taking place on the Warner Bros. movie lot and they didn't make one reference to Animaniacs. Surely they were tempted.

I don't know about you, but I'll gladly take this over having the episode end with
Sylvester suffering again.

What's the Verdict?

The Sylvester and Tweety Mysteries is hardly the worst cartoon Warner Bros. whipped up in the 1990s, but I wouldn't go so far as to say that it's good. Most of the jokes aren't funny - they mainly consist of the sort of pop culture reference that thinks just mentioning something that exists is automatically funny (sort of like the ones you'd find on Animaniacs) and toilet humor that doesn't belong in a Looney Tunes production. The slam at Space Jam was pretty funny, though, I'll give them that. And like I said, watching Sylvester get abused and psychologically tortured is not funny. Call me oversensitive, but it just makes me feel sorry for him. Not to mention the first episode didn't even have a mystery in it.

As far as Looney Tunes TV shows go, you can do a lot better. I recommend watching Duck Dodgers instead. This, I feel like they could've pulled off the "Granny, Sylvester and Tweety solve mysteries" idea better. Or maybe they should've just had the show star another Looney Tunes character. There were cartoons where Daffy was a detective, weren't there? Or how about having the show be about Pepe Le Pew solving mysteries? Or Elmer Fudd? There's some comedic potential there.

Oh, wait. Elmer isn't as marketable as Tweety Bird, so the show COULDN'T star him. Do they even MAKE Elmer Fudd merchandise nowadays? Did they EVER make Elmer merchandise?

Well, he got a Chia Pet at least...