Let's Watch This: An Episode of "ALVINNN!!! and the Chipmunks"

NOTE: Please do not take any of the little nitpicks in this review (or any of my other reviews, for that matter) seriously. I write these reviews in the hopes of making people laugh. Those nitpicks are really just dumb little observations that I'm attempting to make jokes out of, not complaints that add to whether or not I like something.

Reboots are a tricky thing. More and more of them are coming out, be they movies or TV shows, for the sole reason that reboots of pre-established things that were successful in the past are less risky than making something new. Problem is, many times these reboots are handled by people who didn't have any involvement with the original show, so there's the chance that they won't understand what made the original show good.

This is especially true of cartoons. When a reboot of a cartoon show is bad, it's preeeeeeeeetty bad. Let's see... there's the 2016 reboot of The Powerpuff Girls, where Blossom, Bubbles and Buttercup barely fight crime, attend middle school despite still being five years old, and have been Flanderized to absurd levels (not to mention that Cathy Cavadini, Tara Strong, and E.G. Daily weren't asked to come back and yet Tom Kenny, Jennifer Hale, and Roger L. Jackson were). There's also that crappy George of the Jungle reboot that I've already looked at. And the less said about Jellystone! (assuming that qualifies as a reboot), the better.

On the other hand, you have the flawed but surprisingly pretty good Wacky Races reboot. You have the acclaimed 2012 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles show. You have the Muppet Babies reboot, which I've seen very little of but have heard good things about (and what little I've seen of it I liked). I'm not sure the exact reason why some reboots work out but some don't. Maybe it all comes down to who you put in charge of it?

Anyhow, you're probably familiar with Alvin and the Chipmunks. That trio of squeaky-voiced rodents who look more like furry toddlers with some rodent features than actual chipmunks.

Seriously, when you come down to it, they look nothing like actual chipmunks.

They were created in 1958 by Ross Bagdasarian, and made their animation debut in the 1960s series The Alvin Show (I'm not sure why Alvin got top billing). But it wasn't until the 1980s that the Chipmunks really became popular, with another cartoon called Alvin and the Chipmunks premiering in 1983 and receiving eight seasons. This series introduced the Chipmunks' love interests, the Chipettes. Then in 1987, the Chipmunks starred in their first theatrical movie, The Chipmunk Adventure... which I'll probably be reviewing some other time.

After a few years of not much happening with the Chipmunks, this came out:

And it was a big hit. And, confession time: I actually went to see it in theaters. Sorry. And then there was a sequel, which I did NOT go see in theaters. And then there was a THIRD movie, which I did go see in theaters (in hindsight, I really should've asked to go see The Muppets instead). All three made mucho moolah at the box office, so surely the time was right for a new Alvin and the Chipmunks cartoon. And so...

March 2015 saw the premiere of ALVINNN!!! and the Chipmunks on Nickelodeon. This was the first Chipmunks production to be animated entirely in CGI, and as a result the Chipmunks and Chipettes got redesigns - in addition to giving Alvin, Simon and Theodore actual hair and putting the characters in more "modern" clothing, they sort of merged the original "furry toddler" looks with the movies' realistic chipmunks that actually looked like chipmunks, but I'm not sure how well that worked out. I'll give them credit for trying, though.

They look like the missing link between chipmunk and human. In fact, they might look even MORE
human now.

As far as the show's premise goes, it's basically the same thing as the 1980s series - Alvin (voiced by Ross Bagdasarian Jr.), Simon (also Ross Bagdasarian Jr.), Theodore (Janice Karman), Brittany (Janice Karman), Jeanette (Janice Karman), and Eleanor (Vanessa Karman) still live amongst humans, they still sing, Alvin's still causing trouble, their adopted father and manager Dave Seville (Ross Bagdasarian Jr.) is still there to chew him out for doing so, blah blah blah. The show, if you can believe it, ran until 2023 (in America, that is - in France it ran until 2022).

I remember watching episodes of this reboot when it came out, but eventually just... stopped. I think there was only so many times I could watch Alvin cause trouble and get his comeuppance for it before the show became repetitive. I don't really see people talk about it online, and when they do, it's mainly to discuss how creepy the characters look. Here are the episodes I remember seeing...

- The one where Alvin uses Theodore's teddy bear to take advantage of him
- The one where Alvin has the hots for his principal
- The one where Simon becomes the school's safety supervisor and Alvin (again) takes advantage of it

And I don't think I've watched it since then. What say we watch the fourteenth episode, which consists of the segments "Safety Third" and "Mister Manners", to see which category of reboots ALVINNN!!! and the Chipmunks falls into?

We start off with Alvin behind the wheel of a really, really, really, really, really cool car. Isn't Alvin a bit young to have a driver's license? Or are the rules of drivers' licenses and who's allowed to have one different for chipmunks?

"Here he comes, here comes Speed Racer, he's a demon on wheels..."

Actually, this is all happening in Alvin's imagination... he's actually looking through the window of a toy shop at the car they have for sale - the X-Class 47. He really wants it, but Dave shows him an article in the newspaper about how kids have been injured thanks to the car's faulty accelerator. If it's so dangerous, why the heck was the toy store selling it? Why hasn't it been recalled? Is the toy store owner just an idiot?

Honestly, CGI Dave is even creepier-looking than the Chipmunks...

So no X-Class 47 for Alvin, Dave says. Alvin attempts to show him that ANYTHING can be unsafe if you don't know what you're doing, but of course it doesn't do any good. Dave and his creepy cheekbones will not let Alvin get that car.

Alvin heads down to the basement, where he sees Simon and Theodore working on a project. Alvin asks what they're doing, and Simon says, "Nothing that concerns you." Jeez, Simon, way to be a pill. Then he tells Alvin that he can help by sitting in the corner and not touching or saying anything. Was Simon always this hostile?

Also, is it just me, or does Theodore now look a lot like Jesse McCartney? I guess their mindset was that since Jesse did Theodore's voice in the movies, they could have Theodore look like him in the show even though it's not Jesse doing the voice here? Or maybe it's just me...

"Hey, Simon! Herp-a-derp!"

Simon says that it's a project for his auto mechanics class. What grade are the Chipmunks in? I don't recall any of my schools having an auto mechanics class. I looked it up, and apparently some high schools do have auto mechanics classes... are the Chipmunks in high school? I think they went to high school in one of the movies... this just raises further questions.

Anyhow, the assignment is to recreate the car of their dreams. Simon's is a solar-powered bus. And now that Alvin's involved, he's of course going to take over the project - which means that he's gonna make Simon build a replica of the X-Class 47 instead of a solar-powered bus.

If Simon can build a car like that in a DAY, why on Earth is he just part of a band? Why
doesn't he have a job at Toyota or Nissan?

Early the next morning, while Simon sleeps, Alvin takes the car out for a joyride. Arriving at the toy shop, he gets out of the car and brags to the X-Class 47 in the window that he doesn't need it because he's got his own version... wait, doesn't this technically make Simon's car a bootleg?

But what's this? Alvin forgot to put the car in park, and it winds up sliding into the street. Where it is destroyed by a bus. Alvin thinks that he and Simon are both toast, but then the toy shop owner carries the X-Class 47 out of the store and throws it in a dumpster. And in the words of Django from Ratatouille, it's not stealing if nobody wants it.

And remember that article about the car's faulty accelerator? Well, Alvin is reminded of that the hard way...

"Clear the way, Nick logo!"

Eventually, the car winds up flying through the front door of Dave's house, up the stairs, out a window and into the pool outside. Fortunately, Alvin jumped out the car went out the window. He tells Simon that, uh, he was just, uh, testing out the car he built (this part isn't technically a lie) and it went crazy. Simon laments that he should've tested it himself to see if it was faulty, but then a sticker reading "X-Class 247, Tech Toys" floats to the surface of the pool and Dave pulls it out. Uh oh, it looks like Alvin has some explaining to do...

Also, I think I've figured out why the Chipmunks look so much more human than they did before - it's the skin tone-colored fur. They've always had that, which is part of the reason they've never looked particularly rodent-like, but in this bad textureless CGI, the skin tone-colored fur looks even more like skin. And giving them actual hair just makes it stand out more.

In fact... IS that even supposed to be fur? Or is it just skin?

So now Alvin's in trouble. Luckily, Simon's teacher believed him and gave him the second chance to build his original vehicle. And, since Dave is making Alvin assist him... even though that's how this whole mess got started in the first place, so when you come down to it this is just as much his fault as it is Alvin's... Alvin's made a few modifications to Simon's blueprints, demonstrating that he's basically learned nothing.

Though, to be fair, that WOULD be a really cool bus.

Next segment...

Alvin tells Simon, Theodore, and Dave that there's some contest going on where the winner gets a date with Princess Kate of England. I take it this "Princess Kate" is meant to be Catherine, Princess of Wales, though the image of her they show us doesn't look much like her.

Was Princess Catherine at any point a blonde?

Alvin wants to win the contest because he so totally has the hots for Princess Kate (apparently he doesn't know that Catherine is married), and then Brittany shows up and makes it clear that she wants to win the contest too. What the heck? Did she just walk into the house unannounced? We didn't even hear the door open.

There's also a Running Gag here about how Alvin doesn't know how to pronounce "knight in
shining armor". It is not funny.

Fortunately, you can enter the contest as many times as you'd like. Because that's totally how contests work, right? So Alvin and Brittany enter the contest multiple times. After the montage, Alvin gets a visit from Kate's lady in waiting, Mrs. Flaversham. Amusingly, even SHE can't tell what species Alvin is.

"I'm a lady in waiting, and I'm WAITING for you to let me IN!





Do you know how long I've waited to make that joke?"

As it turns out, Mrs. Flaversham is there to see both Alvin AND Brittany. Alvin won the contest with twelve hundred and three entries, and Brittany is the runner-up with twelve hundred and two entries. But in order to meet Kate, Alvin must first pass the "Manners Test" and prove that he is Mr. Wonderful Manners. If he fails, Brittany is dubbed the winner... if SHE passes the test as well.

First, Alvin must identify all of the different spoons, knives, and glasses used for eating in hoity-toity restaurants. Normal people like us, of course, don't give a rat's tail about manners, so we just use ONE fork, ONE knife, ONE spoon etc. for eating. Alvin fails miserably at it, but Brittany pulls it off, and we are treated to another montage.

After the montage, Mrs. Flaversham tells Alvin that she is not convinced he has mastered ettiquite. For the final test, he must accompany Brittany on a date. Oooooooh, Alvin and his female counterpart going on a date. I can only see THIS ending well...

I hope Wallace doesn't mind that Alvin raided his closet...

After taking a needlessly long time to get ready, Brittany proceeds to make the date extremely difficult for Alvin. And Mrs. Flaversham is apparently an idiot, because she doesn't pick up on this. Like, at one point when they get to the cafe, Alvin gets her a glass of the finest juice (because there aren't any waiters at this cafe, it would seem) and she blatantly tips it over and douses him with it, saying "Oops." in the most blatant yeah-I-did-this-on-purpose tone of voice and she does nothing. This is around the time that Alvin snaps like a twig and subjects Brittany to a well-deserved pie in the face.

I don't know if we're supposed to be on Alvin's side here or not, but y'know what? I am.

Alvin and Brittany get into a food fight, and after Mrs. Flaversham gets a pie in the face as well, she storms out of the cafe, a pretty good indicator that neither of them will be meeting the princess. Fortunately, Brittany explains everything to her off-camera, which means that Alvin gets to meet the princess after all. Oh, and it turns out Alvin is allowed to bring a guest. Which basically means that all of Brittany's efforts to sabotage him were for nothing. But Alvin's still going to make her work for it.

What's the Verdict?

As a reboot of the 1980s cartoon, ALVINNN!!! and the Chipmunks gets the job done. The voice actors do a good job, some of the jokes are kind of funny, nobody is drastically out of character. But as a whole, I'd dub the show mediocre. Most of that, admittedly, is on the really uncanny-looking CGI. Rule of thumb - if a Nickelodeon show is CGI, it's not gonna look too great. The Chipmunks look freaky, I get what they were going for but if anything they might actually look even LESS rodent-like than before. On top of that, there's way too much of an emphasis on Alvin causing trouble. I don't recall him being THIS much of a pest in the original cartoon (then again, I haven't watched the original cartoon in a while).

So, yeah, I'd say fans of the Chipmunks would like this show, but unless you're a HUGE Alvin enthusiast, I'd say there are better cartoons worth your time. Maybe I'm the wrong person to say that, though, I'm not really a Chipmunks fan myself. Well, I do like Theodore, but that mainly stems from the fact that he's adorable.

Let's Watch This: An Episode of "Wayside"

NOTE: Please do not take any of the little nitpicks in this review (or any of my other reviews, for that matter) seriously. I write these reviews in the hopes of making people laugh. Those nitpicks are really just dumb little observations that I'm attempting to make jokes out of, not complaints that add to whether or not I like something.

This is another show that I remember hearing about, but never actually watched. Actually, I don't think I even saw ads for it - my exposure to it was by reading about it in Nickelodeon Magazine and Jerry Beck's 2007 Nicktoons book. I dunno, maybe I did see an ad for it at one point while watching SpongeBob, but I feel like I would've remembered that... I mean, I remember the ads for Yakkity Yak where the announcer claimed that "Nickelodeon is getting stupid!", I have a pretty good memory when it comes to ads for cartoons.

Okay, okay, so what exactly is Wayside?

Well, in 1978, a Mr. Louis Sachar wrote a book called Sideways Stories From Wayside School. The book was about a school that was supposed to be one story high and thirty classrooms long, but the guy who built it got mixed-up and built the school sideways - it's thirty stories high, with one classroom on each floor. Except the nineteenth floor, which he forgot to put in. That book spawned several sequels, the most recent of which came out in 2020. I haven't read any of the books.

At some point in the 2000s, somebody at Nelvana got the idea to adapt the show as a TV movie for Teletoon. After the movie's premiere in 2005, the book series became a cartoon show. The show premiered on Teletoon in June 2007 before airing on Nickelodeon in the United States - does that mean it technically doesn't qualify as a Nicktoon?

Like the books, Wayside takes place in a school that might as well have been designed by M.C. Escher, but a very common criticism of the show is how much it deviates from the books. For example, a character named Todd whose shtick is that he always gets in trouble despite not doing anything wrong is made the new student at Wayside, trying to figure out how to get the hang of going to such a bizarre school. Two seasons, making for a total of twenty-six episodes, were made before the show was cancelled, and since then reruns have aired in Canada. Both the pilot movie and the first season were released on DVD in 2007 and 2008 respectively. I expect both DVDs are out of print - maybe you can find them on Amazon or something, I dunno. But what luck, every episode of the show has been uploaded to YouTube!

Now, deviating from the original book when adapting one into a cartoon show has its risks (see my reviews of Bunnicula and Scaredy Squirrel), but I'm not going to immediately dub the show lousy just for being a bad adaptation of a book series that I've never even read. I'm going to judge it on whether or not it's a good cartoon as a whole. Plus, the show did receive positive reviews from critics, so it's got that going for it at least... though apparently Louis Sachar himself didn't care much for it outside of the animation.

We'll be watching the ninth episode of the show - I just picked an episode at random - to see if Wayside is a fun show, if a weak adaptation, or a cartoon that deserved to fall to the wayside. Heh, see what I did there? This episode consists of the segments "Principles of Principals" and "Teacher's Parent Conference"...

The episode begins with Todd (voiced by Mark Rendall) and his classmates taking a spelling test. But instead of spelling NORMAL words, they're spelling animal sounds and random sound effects that the teacher, Mrs. Jewls (Kathy Laskey), is making. Oh, Wayside, what a wacky school you are.

I want to know the story of the kid in the elf costume. What's their deal?

And how is anybody supposed to reach that door floating around near the ceiling? I don't
see any stairs...

Todd's desk starts falling apart, but fortunately Mrs. Jewls and her basketball-playing goldfish fix it. Okay, Comedy 101, guys... sometimes, weirdness works best when you have at least SOME sort of explanation for it. You can't throw a basketball-playing goldfish at us at random. It's like telling somebody the punchline of a joke without telling them the rest of the joke.

I'm guessing the idea of the goldfish is that they're supposed to be the class pet. Honestly, though, I think in this case something weirder WOULD'VE been funnier. Why not something that you'd NEVER expect to see as a class pet? Like, I don't know, a snow leopard or a gorilla or a hammerhead shark?

Does the goldfish talk, at least? That'd help it fit the "out of the ordinary class pet"
quota.

"Nothing works right in this school!" Todd complains. "The desks, the pens, the pencil sharpener... when I'M principal, I'm gonna fix things around here." You see, Todd entered Principal Kidswatter's "Principal For a Day" Contest, much to the horror of his classmates. Just out of curiosity, has any school ever actually had a contest or a special day where one student is randomly selected to fill in for the principal? I don't recall any of my schools ever having something like that, but I swear there was at least one other cartoon to do this plotline...

Also, I like how the mascot of Wayside School is a platypus. That's pretty funny.

Who the heck gave the job of Principal to a guy whose name is KIDSWATTER? That'd be
like marrying a woman whose name is I.M. Agolddigger.

Since Todd is the only student who entered the contest, he's dubbed the winner, which means that he is Principal For a Day! Principal Kidswatter (Kedar Brown) tells him that he's made a list of tasks for him to complete. A very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very long list.

I wonder if Task #1 is "get that nineteenth floor built"...

Before Todd can get started on those tasks, Maurecia (Denise Oliver) shows up and tells him that she was sent to his office for passing notes in class. A note with "I HEART TODD" written on it. You see, one of Maurecia's main character traits is that she's so totally into Todd. And when he rebuffs her affections, she punches him. Totally girlfriend material right there.

"TELL ME MOOOOOOOOOOOORE ABOUT MY EYES!"

Next, Todd heads to the cafeteria, where the lunch lady (Jayne Eastwood) is chasing around a chicken with a cooking pot on its head. He wants to improve on the lunch menu, but she says it's already been taken care of - she's making delicious sweat sock stew. Cafeteria food, am I right? I'm afraid I can't relate to this one, because I almost always brought my lunch to school from home.

Wait, if she's making "sweat sock stew", why was she chasing around a chicken? Is chicken an ingredient in "sweat sock stew"? I wouldn't know, I've never had it.

You know she's a lunch lady because she's fat and old. All lunch ladies in cartoons
are fat and old.

Todd suggests that the lunch lady serve the kids pizza instead, and hands her a take-out menu... which she promptly takes a bite out of, commenting that it needs cheese, sauce and pepperoni. That's a pretty funny gag.

Todd gets to work on all of the tasks Kidswatter assigned him. He stamps forms, he fixes toilets (because Kidswatter is too lazy to call a plumber, it would seem), he teaches the shark in the school's swimming pool the difference between a seal and a human being on a surfboard... this is another gag I think is pretty funny, and a nice reference to how most shark attacks occur because they see humans on surfboards and mistake them for seals. Alas, most people assume sharks actually like to eat humans because of Jaws. Strange, seeing how I don't believe the release of The Birds led a lot of people to believe that CROWS eat people... maybe it's because crows don't have sharp teeth?

Hey, wait... is this implying that before now the school has had many of its students attacked by this shark because he mistook them for seals? If so, that's pretty dark...

"Remember, Stephen... fish are friends, not food."

"What about dolphins?"

"Eh, dolphins are fair game."

DISCLAIMER: animationandallthingsrelated.com does not endorse violence toward,
or the eating of, dolphins.

Eventually, Todd makes it to the last thing on the list: vacuuming the schoolyard. He shows Louis the yard teacher (Sergio Di Zio) that he's made a few improvements to the school. For example, he's taught the cows to disco dance.

Yeah, I forgot to mention, there are cows at this school. I believe this is something from the books.

These Chik-Fil-A commercials are getting more and more surreal...

Then Todd's vacuuming up what looks like a pink piece of scrap paper causes the entire school to start tilting on its side. Now only he can keep it from falling over.

Suddenly, I have the urge to play Jenga.

Now Todd knows how it feels to be Atlas.

Fortunately, Maurecia (what kind of name is that anyway? It sounds like a fusion of "Maurice" and "Marcia", two names that probably shouldn't be combined) shows up with more love notes for Todd, which he chews up and uses to keep the school from tipping over (it makes sense in context. Sort of)... for a few seconds. Then it starts tilting again.

Mr. Kidswatter returns, and he manages to save the school with the power of origami. This somehow convinces Todd that Kidswatter is a better principal than him. NEXT SEGMENT!

Todd has received his report card, and he's terrified to open it. Since Mrs. Jewls always sends him home early on the kindergarten bus, surely she must have given him a bad grade. But then Maurecia tells him that it's not STUDENT Report Card Day, it's TEACHER Report Card Day, where the students grade the teachers.

Todd becomes very, very excited to hear that... and judging by the creepy music and evil expression on his face, this probably isn't going to end well for Mrs. Jewls...

Then he got an idea. An awful idea. Todd got a wonderful, awful idea.

Wait, how can something be wonderful and awful at the same time? It's a paradox!

Mrs. Jewls collects everyone's report cards, and it's here that we learn she has magical powers. She can give herself elf ears and conjure up a pillow for one snoozing student with a snap of her finger. She must be a witch! Or a wizard, or a sorceress or whatever. Or maybe it's just cartoon logic and I shouldn't think about it too hard.

Then Mrs. Jewls collects Todd's report card, which is mostly A-Plusses... until she gets to the bottom and sees that he wrote "Classroom skills need improvement. See me after class." Then she shrinks down in size - another demonstration of her magical powers, or is Todd actually becoming a giant?

Or maybe it's a visual metaphor for Todd making her feel small? You be the judge.

Everyone is horrified by Todd's telling Mrs. Jewls to see him after class - which, Todd points out, means that she won't be able to send him home early on the kindergarten bus. What Todd doesn't know is that whenever a teacher gets a report card like the one he gave Mrs. Jewls, they need a parent-teacher conference... or rather, a teacher's parent conference. Which means that Todd must meet Mrs. Jewls' father, circus performer Papa Jewls.

"YOU'RE the Blob? I was expecting somethin' a lot scarier..."

Papa Jewls, with his pink beard and Popeye-esque arms, is not pleased by Todd's claiming that his daughter isn't the best teacher ever. So he's gonna pull her out of Wayside and have her teach a private school because he wants her to "give the best education she can give".

Todd begs Maurecia, Dana (Lisa Ng), and Myron (Martin Villafana) for help. They tell him that the problem is HIM, and that the only way Mrs. Jewls can be a better teacher is for HIM to be a better student. Which means that it's Training Montage Time, complete with a song that sounds very much like "Eye of the Tiger"!

Studying? What's THAT?

When Mrs. Jewls returns, Todd gives her an apple and flowers, has his hand raised all the time thanks to an arm brace, and says that he can't wait to ride home on the kindergarten bus. "My, what an improved attitude!" Mrs. Jewls exclaims. "That teacher's parent conference really helped!" Then all the other students shower her with apples and flowers as well, and when Papa Jewls sees this he decides to let her stay at Wayside. And Todd even gets to make her ride home on the kindergarten bus every day for a month. I'd complain about how this means that Todd basically learned nothing, but Mrs. Jewls actually enjoys riding on the kindergarten bus. And she decides to have him ride home on the kindergarten bus every day.

I believe, Todd, that this is what is known as "karma". Granted, Mrs. Jewls did send him home on the kindergarten bus multiple times for no reason before, but there really does come a point where you are no better and just act spiteful for no reason.

"Oooooooh, I really shouldn't have eaten that sweat sock stew..."

What's the Verdict?

As somebody who, again, has never read the books and finds Nelvana's output to be a mixed bag (for every Dumb Bunnies there's a Ned's Newt), I wasn't sure what to expect with Wayside. Honestly, though, I thought it was pretty good. The animation is solid, which is quite refreshing after the fidgety Flash animation of Sidekick and Scaredy Squirrel. Most of the jokes were funny. My one complaint is that we have an entire classroom of these eccentric kids, and yet in the episodes I watched they don't get any focus. Todd is fine, but the other students seem a lot more interesting. I wanted to see more of them. Will I be watching any more of Wayside? I'm not sure. But I am interested in reading one of the books now...

Here's a question: why are there so many cartoon shows focusing on school? Think about it. Most if not all kids HATE school. And most if not all kids like to watch cartoons when they're not at school, don't they? So... if kids hate school, why would they enjoy a cartoon set at school, a place that they hate? Do animation companies think that having the characters in their shows go to school would make them more relatable to kids? Or is it an executive mandate thing?

Or are all these school-set cartoons actually supposed to be propaganda? Is the idea that if kids watch these cartoons set in school, they'll actually start to LIKE school?

Eh, probably not.

Let's Watch This: An Episode of "C-Bear and Jamal"

Y'know, we'll probably never have an animated adaptation of Calvin and Hobbes. Bill Watterson, notorious for his hatred of merchandising, apparently considered doing one at one point but decided against it for a number of reasons. Nowadays, animated adaptations of comic strips that haven't already gotten one are exceedingly rare (why is there no Sherman's Lagoon cartoon show? I love that strip!), I wouldn't expect them to ever do one. If you want to see Calvin and Hobbes animated, you'll have to look up fan animations on YouTube. Like this one:

But believe it or not, there kind of IS an actual animated Calvin and Hobbes show. It's called C-Bear and Jamal.

This show premiered in February 1996 on the Fox Kids programming block. Created by rapper Tone Loc, Earl Richey Jones, and Todd R. Jones, it's often described online as an animated, "hip-hop"-infused version of Calvin and Hobbes. Only instead of a six-year-old boy and tiger who may or may not be imaginary (I subscribe to the theory that he's real, everyone except Calvin just sees him as a stuffed animal), it's about a nine-year-old boy named Jamal Harrison Wingo (voiced by Arthur Reggie III) whose best pal is a rapping teddy bear named C-Bear, voiced by Tone Loc himself.

Only thirteen episodes were produced, I imagine because a lot of people took one look at it and brushed it off as being lousy. I mean, a rapping teddy bear with a backwards baseball cap and sunglasses? On paper, that sounds like a really lame idea. But I've heard good things about the show online, so it couldn't have been THAT bad. Besides, despite not being much of a rap fan, I actually like Tone Loc! He was the only good thing about that Food Rocks show they had at EPCOT in the 1990s. Remember that? He voiced the host of the show, a nutrition label named Fud Wrapper.

I never actually saw Food Rocks in person, but I've watched videos of it on
YouTube. Other characters in the show included a Little Richard pineapple, Pita
Gabriel, and a fish with the head of Cher.

Fortunately, you can find episodes of C-Bear and Jamal on YouTube, so what say we give the show a watch and see if it's a hidden gem or another example of a dated show that tries to be hip and cool and just falls flat on its face (coughcoughcoughQuackPackcoughcoughcough). We'll be watching the second episode, "The Emperor's New Gear". And no, I won't be making any Emperor's New Groove jokes. I don't expect Jamal to turn into a llama at any point in the episode.

The episode starts off with a high angle shot of Jamal's house as C-Bear's voice informs us of what the plot is going to be. "'Bout to kick a little lesson to my home-boy Jamal about his new gear. Oh well, like I always say, a bear's work is never done," he explains.

Alas, Teddy Ruxpin's attempt at starting a rap career was a massive failure.

C-Bear winds up waking Jamal up after he slips on a roller skate. He was trying to sneak out to a nightclub. Does he regularly go to nightclubs? Don't any of the people there find it weird that a teddy bear can walk and talk? I thought this was one of those situations where only Jamal knows that C-Bear is alive...

Anyhow, Snoop Beary Bear gives Jamal a slice of pizza that, as Jamal learns the hard way, tastes like crap. Where'd he get it? Inside one of Jamal's tennis shoes. Okay, how the heck did a slice of pizza get inside one of Jamal's shoes? And why would C-Bear even THINK of letting Jamal eat something that's been inside a shoe all day? Eugh.

"I'm tellin' ya, you should ditch these Tennies and get a pair of Nikes. Just do it!"

"C-Bear, you know how I feel about product placement!"

After that, Jamal's dad (George Wallace) comes in and tells him that he picked up those new clothes he promised him. He'll give them to him in the morning... wait, it's nighttime? That high angle shot at the beginning of the episode clearly showed a sunny day. See for yourself:

Did nobody tell the background painters that this first scene takes place at night?

Well, anyway, Jamal is all crunk (apparently that's 1990s slang for "excited") about getting new clothes, prompting C-Bear to show him what clothes he wears to the nightclubs he frequents. I assume this look was considered hip back in the 1990s.

Wow! C-Bear is hip! Cool! Bodacious! Other 1990s slang!

Where'd he get that suit, anyway? At Build-a-Bear Workshop?

The show's intro plays, and then we cut to the next morning, where Jamal is woken up by his grandma (Dawnn Lewis). Jamal is very excited to put on his new clothes... until he discovers that his dad bought him quite possibly the tackiest shirt ever.

I'm pretty sure Calvin had pajamas like that...

Apparently the reason why Jamal's dad bought him such ugly clothes is that the name brands are too expensive at the moment (and also the animators didn't have the money to pay Nike, Gap, and all those other popular 1990s clothing manufacturers for the use of their likenesses). His grandma describes him as looking like "a quilt I made back in the winter of '42". Adding to the frustration, instead of Nikes, Jamal's dad bought him "Psychies" - he was so cheap he grabbed Nike KNOCKOFFS, which makes all my previous mentions of Nike kind of redundant now that I think of it. Thanks a lot, Jamal's dad, now he can't star in shoe commercials with Bugs Bunny!

Hey, isn't that the Disney font?

While all of this is going on, C-Bear is getting into Tom and Jerry-style mischief with Jamal's dog (dog noises provided by Danny Mann). For example, feeding him a sandwich doused with tabasco sauce.

DISCLAIMER: Digesting tabasco sauce will not, in fact, give you the ability to breathe
fire like a dragon. Or the ability to levitate.

The dog begs Grandma to refill his water bowl, but C-Bear isn't done being cruel to the poor canine - he swaps out the water tank for a bottle of PRUNE JUICE, nature's laxative. And then he locks the doggy door so the dog can't even go outside and do his business. C-Bear's kind of a sadist, it appears.

Isn't tormenting the dog kind of a bad idea, C-Bear? You're a stuffed animal. He could make you his new chew toy. Haven't you seen Toy Story?

"I also put land mines all over the yard. You'll NEVER go to the bathroom now, bwah-ha-ha!"

Jamal heads out the door and meets up with his friends Kwame (Aries Spears), Maya (Kim Fields), and Chipster (Jeannie Elias), who are at the bus stop discussing whether or not stop signs are racist (they'd fit right in on social media!). "Who dressed you, Jamal? Stevie Wonder?" Maya quips, sending her, Kwame, and Chipster into hysterics. Kwame says that he thinks Jamal looks respectable. "He would," C-Bear whispers, "He's wearing Winnie Mandela's tablecloth." Yeah, I'm sure all the kids are gonna get that reference.

Then another one of Jamal's friends, Big Chill (also Aries Spears), shows up. Apparently he somehow managed to get a driver's license. He starts making fun of Jamal's clothes too, despite the fact that he's ALSO wearing a lime green shirt and hot pink pants. "What happened? Did Little Richard have a garage sale?" Maya asks.

Okay, Comedy 101: mentioning a celebrity is not in of itself a joke. The Stevie Wonder joke wasn't funny, but at least it actually had a punchline (an incredibly offensive punchline that mocks the sight-impaired). What's the punchline here? Did Little Richard have a habit of dressing in incredibly tacky clothing? Most of the photos I've seen of him have him in a nice suit.

Nobody needs to see your belly button, Big Chill.

Fortunately, the school is apparently having a swap meet that day, so Jamal can get some NEW clothes. Only problem is, his friends all have lousy taste in fashion. Jamal laments to C-Bear that he's stuck with these tacky new clothes, but C-Bear knows how to fix the problem - introduce Jamal to the Duke. Not to be confused with Duke Ellington, the famous jazz pianist. See, I can reference random celebrities too. Doesn't make my reviews funnier.

With a wave of his paw, they're transported to the Duke's castle. "This guy has everything: gold, silver, and the number one album for the past fourteen weeks," C-Bear explains. "But I hear he's having some trouble in the clothing department." And the Duke turns out to be...

...I initially thought this was a Little Richard caricature, but I think it's actually supposed to be Prince. Get it? Instead of being called "Prince", he's called "Duke", another name for a male member of royalty?

I suppose I should make a reference to that "finger prints" joke from Animaniacs, but something
tells me that I shouldn't.

Duke raps (was Prince a rapper?) about how he's got a concert in less than an hour but he's got no cool clothes to wear. Y'know, I can't believe I'm saying this, but... can we bring the Michael Jackson Bear back?

C-Bear assures Duke that he can help him, he just so happens to be a tailor extraordinaire. Who do you think supplied the Gummi Bears with their fancy duds? Or Paddington with his iconic blue jacket and red hat? He dresses Duke in some of his outfits: first, the Mad Hatter's hand-me-downs...

I believe this is called the "Willy Wonka Meets Ronald McDonald" Look.

His next outfit for Duke is this charming ensemble...

The "I Shop at Hot Topic" Look.

And then, we get the funniest joke in the episode thus far. When Duke complains that the outfit he's got him in isn't purple enough, he dresses him as a Barney the Dinosaur parody.

Suddenly, it becomes obvious why there aren't any bear fashion designers. Aside from, y'know, because most bears don't wear clothes...

C-Bear is pleased by the fact that he just fed Duke to a tyrannosaurus rex. Jamal is
just confused, and the t-rex finds Duke hard to swallow.

Okay, so a teddy bear just dressed Prince up like Barney the Dinosaur... there's a joke here, I just can't think of it.

"I look ridiculous! Guards, off with their heads!" Duke declares, and C-Bear and Jamal are sent to the guillotine. But before they can get the axe, C-Bear asks Duke if he can perform for them. Duke, still wearing the dinosaur costume, sings a high note, to which Jamal says that he performs the same no matter what he's wearing. So Duke decides to let C-Bear and Jamal go free, then proceeds to perform at his concert dressed as a rejected Dragon Tales character.

After he and C-Bear head home, Jamal recites the moral of the episode: it doesn't matter what he has on, what matters is who he is inside. And that's about it.

What's the Verdict?

This actually isn't as similar to Calvin and Hobbes as I thought it would be. But you know what it IS? It's a much better version of Ned's Newt. Think about it: you've got a boy, you've got a talking animal that only he is aware of is sentient, and they go on weird adventures. But instead of Harland Williams loudly yammering with the most painfully unfunny script ever, it's Tone Loc at his most chill.

I can't hate this. Yes, it's cheesy and reeks of 1990s "trying to be hip and cool with the kids, yo". Yes, most of the jokes are unfunny references to celebrities. Yes, C-Bear is basically given nothing to do for most of the episode but make wisecracks. But come on, a teddy bear voiced by Tone Loc dressing a parody of Prince in a Barney the Dinosaur costume? It's just so out-there I can't help but love it. Aside from that, the animation is nice and the voice actors all do a good job. Is it anything spectacular? No, but I thought it was decent. Check it out if you'd like.

Oh, also, C-Bear > Ted. Mainly because Tone Loc > Seth MacFarlane.