Back to the Drawing Board: Disney Animated Series We Could've Gotten

Welcome to another edition of Back to the Drawing Board, where we look at things that didn't even get a bit of test animation.

In the 1980s, Disney opened up the Walt Disney Television Animation Department. The first show made by this branch of Disney was The Wuzzles, paving the way for such beloved shows as Phineas and Ferb, Gravity Falls, Goof Troop, Chip 'n' Dale Rescue Rangers, Darkwing Duck, and Kim Possible... as well as some shows that I think it would be a stretch to call "beloved" - such as Quack Pack, Pickle and Peanut, The Schnookums and Meat Funny Cartoon Show (though I've heard that the Tex Tinstar segments were much better than the Schnookums and Meat segments)…

There have been some very strange and god-awful shows that Walt Disney Television Animation has produced, you might be wondering... if something like Fish Hooks got produced, what show concepts were considered so bad that even the higher-ups at this company didn't want to make? Well, today, we're gonna be talking about some shows that the folks at Walt Disney Television Animation came up with which didn't get off the ground. For whatever reason. And I'm just now realizing that I am awful at writing introductions.

Okay, here we go...

Maximum Horsepower

It's gotta be tough being Horace Horsecollar. He and Clarabelle Cow have never been quite as popular as Mickey's other friends, but at least Clarabelle became slightly more prominent when they decided to make her Goofy's girlfriend (I'm not sure how they came up with that pairing... I guess they just wanted Goofy to have a "Minnie" of his own and it was either her or Clara Cluck*). Horace still shows up sometimes - he was in House of Mouse and recently showed up in Mickey and the Roadster Racers - but even still, it seems as though the folks at Disney think of him as an afterthought.

He also does meet-and-greets every so often at Disney World. I wonder how often people there see him and ask, "Hey, is that Goofy?"

I mean, they don't look THAT much alike, but I've heard that
sometimes people see Figment and come to the conclusion that
he's Spyro despite the fact that Spyro isn't even a Disney character,
sooooo...

Maximum Horsepower was going to shed a little light on why Horace hasn't shown up as much since the 1930s. Basically, the idea was that Horace was getting tired of playing bit parts. When he found out that Mickey was going to be in Fantasia, he decided to go down to Walt's office and demand that HE get a role in the film as well. But before he can get to the office, he's abducted by aliens who believe that he is the hero that their galaxy needs.

Here are some screencaps for a pitch reel video by Tad Stones, which he uploaded to his Twitter and Facebook accounts in 2017 (I don't know why I didn't stumble upon these before):

Apparently, the reason why this show didn't get off the ground is because Disney was more interested in shows based off their more popular characters. And when Maximum Horsepower was being developed in the 1990s, Disney's more popular characters were the cast of Aladdin, Timon and Pumbaa, Hercules... you know, characters from their more recent animated films. And I guess they didn't think Horace Horsecollar was popular enough to make kids interested in watching a show about him.

Thumper's Thicket

With America's love of A) bunnies, B) cute things, and C) bunnies that are cute, it's strange that Thumper isn't more prominent nowadays. All Thumper's really gotten aside from his roles in the two Bambi movies was a merchandising line called Disney Bunnies, which gave us books like this:

I haven't read any of these books, so I'm not sure if they're any good.

But it's not like Disney NEVER tried to do anything with Thumper. In the early 1990s, they were in the process of developing a show about the little fella called Thumper's Thicket.

Why this show didn't get off the ground, I'm not sure, but maybe they were concerned that a show about a cutesy widdle bunny wabbit would be out of place next to more action-packed shows like Gargoyles and TaleSpin. Of course, in 1997 a certain programming block called Playhouse Disney - which was eventually renamed Disney Junior - was created so that Disney could dip its toes into making shows for preschoolers. Apparently around the time the Disney Bunnies books were first released, there was talk of doing a show based on them for Playhouse Disney if they were successful enough, but nothing ever came out of it.

This doesn't count.

And on a side note, long before Thumper's Thicket was thought up, during the 1980s Disney announced that they were considering making a MOVIE about Thumper.

Disney Babies

One rule in television animation is this: if something's successful, expect a bunch of shows extremely similar to it in an attempt to cash-in on the success of it. For example, the success of Scooby-Doo resulted in the creation of shows like Speed Buggy and Fangface. Shrek being a massive hit gave us Happily N'Ever After. And have you noticed that Frozen's Anna and Kristoff and Zootopia's Judy and Nick are essentially clones personality-wise of Rapunzel and Flynn Rider from the highly-successful Tangled**?

Well, when Muppet Babies premiered in the 1980s, it started a trend of shows about younger versions of pre-existing cartoon characters. Some of these shows are considered to be actually pretty good in their own right - A Pup Named Scooby-Doo, for example - others, not so much...

Did you know that this show turned Magilla Gorilla into a pop star named
"Magilla Ice"? I did not make that up.

Of course, Disney wanted to cash in on this, so during the 1980s they started releasing merchandise, books, and even commercials featuring Mickey, Minnie, Donald, Goofy, and the gang as tykes.

Even as babies, Donald and Daisy don't have pants on.

Actually, now that I think about it, how come everyone gives Donald
a hard time for not wearing pants but you never see anybody complain
about Daisy not wearing pants either?

Eventually, senior management at Disney Customer Products got an idea: if they made a SHOW based on the baby versions of Mickey and the others, merchandise sales would be HUGE! The folks at Disney Television Animation thought this was a stupid idea (I wouldn't be surprised if somebody there straight-up said "Isn't this just a huge Muppet Babies cash-grab?") and did everything that they could to derail the project. But Disney eventually did indeed try their hand at a Muppet Babies wannabe with Jungle Cubs, a cartoon featuring characters from The Jungle Book in their youth. And a decade or two since THEN, they made a REBOOT of Muppet Babies, which might or might not have resulted in that "shows about iconic cartoon characters as babies" trend starting up again. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if we get MARVEL Babies or Star Wars Babies at some point.

The Kingdom Hearts Show

I've never played any of the Kingdom Hearts games. Here's what I know about it: there's this kid named Sora, and he teams up with Donald and Goofy to find Mickey, who's a king now, it would seem. They meet characters from other Disney franchises. And there's also these other kids named Kairi and Riku and there are Final Fantasy characters in there, too. That's about it. Oh yeah, and the cover art for one of the games looks like this -

What are they all looking at? Is it because the moon is now
shaped like a heart?

Nonetheless, the franchise has been a huge success! And thus, in 2002, Seth Kearsley (who also worked on such shows as the Dilbert cartoon and Phineas and Ferb) was hired to develop an animatic based on the first game. We have Seth to thank for filling us in on this - he even posted a storyboard from the show on his DeviantArt page. The first episode was going to set in Agrabah from Aladdin. The original script Seth was handed he promptly threw out because it read more like an episode of the Aladdin TV series guest-starring the Kingdom Hearts guys. He then played the entire game and wrote a new script because he "wanted to be very true to the game without just copying the game."

And this very year, an animatic of the show was posted online! Here it is:

So why didn't they make the show? Well, apparently it's because they planned on making many more Kingdom Hearts games, and I guess they were worried that the show would conflict with the games or something. But as Seth said, maybe there actually COULD be a Kingdom Hearts show greenlit. The franchise is still plenty popular!

The AristoCats: The Animated Series

Ya know how they were planning on making a direct-to-video sequel based on The AristoCats back when Disney was obsessed with making direct-to-video sequels? Well, in addition that, they were also going to make a show based on the film. And remember that Yo Yogi show I brought up earlier? Well, this was going to be like that.

The show was going to kick Duchess and Thomas O'Malley, the film's main characters, to the curb because I guess they didn't think kids would be interested in them. Instead, the show would focus on the kittens: Berlioz, Tolouse, and Marie. All well and good, except that it was also going to turn Berlioz, Tolouse and Marie into teenage cats.

Roquefort apparently would've made it in, too.

They also created a love interest for Marie (apparently, things wouldn't have worked out with the love interest she was going to get in the sequel) named Delancey, who was apparently going to be like a teenaged version of O'Malley (because it's totally not creepy to have Marie's love interest be somebody extremely similar to her father, right?) who could dance like a combination of Justin Timberlake and Usher.

Top Cat he ain't.

Oh, and then there were the Street Cats.

...why do both Delancey and the purple cat have their ears pierced? How does
a cat get their ear pierced?!

Yeah, I think it's for the best that this didn't make it to air.

So somewhere in production it was decided that making Berlioz, Tolouse, and Marie teenagers wasn't exactly the best idea. So then they decided to have them be teenagers in The AristoCats 2 and then - if that was successful - make the show (I don't know if they were also gonna have Delancey replace Marie's love interest in the sequel or not, but who cares?). But then The AristoCats 2 and all of the other direct-to-video sequels that were in production were cancelled, and so we were spared having to see a cross between O'Malley and Justin Timberlake put the moves on Marie while outwitting a gang of alley cats not nearly as cool as Scat Cat and his band from the film.

Actually, now that I think about it, a show about Scat Cat and his band might actually have potential. Or at least, it would be better than seeing the kittens as teenagers. Can somebody at Disney get on that?

And on a side note, I still don't see what makes Marie so much better than her brothers. Where's the love for Berlioz?!

Cinderella Stories

No, this doesn't have anything to do with that Hilary Duff film.

Are you familiar with the 2001 direct-to-video sequel to Cinderella? You know, Cinderella 2: Dreams Come True? I admittedly haven't seen it (I do like that one of the stepsisters does a Heel-Face Turn, but that's not enough to make me want to watch it), but from what I've heard, it's not particularly good.

Kind of a generic name, too... "Dreams Come True"?
Didn't Cinderella's dreams already come true in the first movie?

But, in case you're wondering just how Cinderella 2 came to be... At some point, somebody at Disney thought it would be a good idea to make a television show about Cinderella. For some reason. Probably so they could sell more merchandise.

So they whipped up a few episodes of the show, which was going to be called Cinderella Stories. Which in my opinion is an awful name for a TV show. Eventually the show got the axe before it could even make it to air, but Disney went through all the trouble of making those episodes, they had to do SOMETHING with them. So they strung the three episodes together, made some new animation of the Fairy Godmother and Cinderella's mouse friends to act as a framing device, and PRESTO! Cinderella 2: Dreams Come True wound up in DVD stores all over the country. Boy, remember when DVD stores were a thing?

Now, this begs the question: would the show have been better received if it had stayed a TV show instead of being mutated into a direct-to-video sequel? I don't know. Again, I haven't seen it, so I'm not sure if it even IS as awful as everyone says it is, so...

The Chicken Little TV Series

It's kind of funny that Disney had plans for more of Chicken Little, considering how incredibly reviled it is. Though, again, I've always been more accepting of it than others. If nothing else, I think Chicken Little himself is a likeable and funny character.

Anyhow, you remember how  they were gonna make a sequel to Chicken Little about Abby competing with a French lamb for Chicken Little's affections? Well, they were also planning on making a TV series based on everyone's favorite Zach Braff-voiced bird. Around this time, Dan Povenmire and Jeff "Swampy" Marsh pitched a certain show about two boys and a platypus to Disney Channel. However, they were worried that it'd be rejected because of how focused Disney was on Chicken Little. Because apparently Disney couldn't make two animated shows at the same time?

To my knowledge, no concept art for this
hypothetical Chicken Little show exists, but I didn't want
this section to be without at least one picture, so here's
something I found on Google Image Search.

Then John Lasseter came in and cancelled Chicken Little 2 and all of the other direct-to-video Disney sequels that were in production. Without a Chicken Little 2 in production, Disney saw no reason to go ahead with the TV show, and we got Phineas and Ferb instead.

By the way, my source for this comes from a Tumblr post, but apparently they got their information from a post Dan Povenmire made on a Family Guy production blog. I don't know if that blog is still online, maybe somebody else can find it...

Brother Bear: The Series

Speaking of animated Disney movies from the 2000s, while I don't think Brother Bear is as hated as Chicken Little, it does seem to get more flack than praise. But I've never had a problem with it. In fact, I used to watch the DVD commentary with Rutt and Tuke a lot - it might be even better than the movie itself!

But anyhow, while the film was in theaters, Disney Television Animation hired Pete Michels (who's also directed episodes of The Simpsons and Family Guy) to direct a pilot written by Bart Jennett (who also worked on - fittingly enough - another Disney animated show, Recess) for a Brother Bear TV show. For what it's worth, Bart also wrote a pilot for a show based on Disney's adaptation of Robin Hood, but I couldn't find any information about that.

The plush toys would've sold themselves!

It was pretty hard for Pete Michels to direct the pilot for a show based on a movie that was still in theaters at the moment. He had to borrow a copy from Disney to watch for reference, and they made him return it as soon as he watched it.

The plot of the show was this: Koda loved having Kenai as a big brother so much that he invited MORE young animals to join their little "family". Specifically, they would have been joined by a husky pup, two baby owls, a porcupine, and a cross between an elephant and a platypus called Doohickey - who, as you can see from the concept art, looked kind of like Scrat from Ice Age. Jeremy Suarez, Rick Moranis, and Dave Thomas were set to reprise their roles as Koda, Rutt and Tuke, with Will Friede going to fill in for Joaquin Phoenix as the voice of Kenai. Tom Kenny and Grey Griffin were going to be part of the cast as well (as which characters, I don't know).

The pilot tested well, and Pete hoped that they would get at least 52 or 65 episodes. There's just one problem - this was the 2000s, when Disney Channel didn't give a bear's tail about shows based on Disney's animated characters. The management then was all about making tween-centric programming, which in their eyes was live action stuff like Hannah Montana and The Suite Life of Zack and Cody and shows like that. They thought that making shows based on animated movies was counterproductive to their goal of being a channel for tweens. The Emperor's New Groove got a TV show because it at least did a little better than Brother Bear at the box office, and likely also because they could at least stick the teenaged main character, Kuzco, in a high school so that the show would appeal to tweens. And apparently it didn't occur to anyone to just put the show on Toon Disney.

So that's eight animated shows that Disney could've given us. As you can see, many of these got the shaft either because A) the direct-to-video sequels were cancelled or B) blame the tweencoms. I might do a sequel to this post, because there are a couple other Disney animated series that didn't get off the ground, but for now I'll just leave you with a teaser for my next review:

Sources:

- https://jimhillmedia.com/tube-thursday-the-disney-afternoon-shows-that-you-didnt-get-to-see/

- https://jimhillmedia.com/why-for-27/

- https://jimhillmedia.com/toon-tuesday-disneys-the-aristocats-the-animated-series/

- https://disneytvanimation.com/post/671597549802618880/brother-bear-the-series-and-the-story-of-disney

- https://animatedviews.com/2013/o-brother-bear-where-art-thou-why-disney-channel-turned-down-brother-bear-the-series/

* Of course, An Extremely Goofy Movie from 2000 gave Goofy a love interest as well, but she never showed up again. I guess they figured a character from a direct-to-video sequel would look out-of-place next to Mickey, Minnie, Donald, Daisy, Goofy, and Pluto on merchandise.

** And on top of that, I am fully convinced that Sven from Frozen was an attempt to cash in on the success of Tangled's Maximus***. They're both hoofed animals that act like dogs!

*** As is Pua from Moana, by the way.

Let's Watch This: An Episode of "Snorks"

Ah, Hanna-Barbera. You've given us some great shows and characters. But if you did have one problem, it's that you kept recycling ideas for shows and characters. For example, Breezly Bruin and Sneezly the Seal likely would've been more popular characters had it not been for the fact that they were blatant knockoffs of Yogi Bear and Boo-Boo. You managed to make a show that stood on its on despite being a blatant attempt to cash in on the success of The Flintstones with The Jetsons, but lightning didn't strike twice when you tried it a third time with The Roman Holidays (we'll be looking at that show another time). And who could forget the multiple Scooby-Doo clones you created?

Another case of Hanna-Barbera recycling ideas was when they saw how much of a success The Smurfs was. For those unaware, The Smurfs was originally based on a series of comics by Peyo. So when they did an adaptation of those comics, and it was a huge hit, they decided to do another adaptation of a comic series about tiny made-up creatures. Hence, Snorks!

Well, okay, there's more to the show's creation than that. Cartoonist Freddy Monnickendam managed to acquire the rights to the characters after they were created by a Mr. Nic Broca because HE - not William Hanna and Joseph Barbera - wanted to recapture the success of The Smurfs. Both he and Nic Broca started a partnership with Hanna-Barbera to adapt the Snorks comics into animation.

So, DID Snorks manage to become the next Smurfs? That would be a no. Oh, the show WAS successful, it just wasn't as big a hit as The Smurfs. Maybe the fact that it's a blatant Smurfs cash-grab is the reason why. Then again, Frozen was a blatant Tangled cash-grab and that became the highest-grossing animated film of all time, so I could be wrong.

But is it really being fair to brush off Snorks as nothing more than a lame knockoff of The Smurfs? I mean, they're not EXACTLY like the Smurfs... they live underwater, the Smurf's didn't do that. They come in a variety of colors, not just blue. They don't use "Smurf" in place of various different words - they use "Snork" instead. That's TOTALLY different!

Also, the Smurfs have noses and ears. The Snorks don't.

Okay, sarcasm aside, what's the premise of Snorks? Well, the Snorks all live in an undersea community called Snorkland. They're called "Snorks" because they have snorkels on their heads, use clams as currency, and are forbidden to leave Snorkland because those in power fear humans and don't want them to find out that Snorks exist. Probably because, knowing humans, if they found out Snorks existed then they'd likely either wind up as a popular kids' pet or as an appetizer in seafood restaurants. Snork cocktail, anyone?

The show premiered in September 1984 and received four seasons, all of which have since been released on DVD. I remember watching Snorks back when it aired on Boomerang, which is the way that I was introduced to most but not all of Hanna-Barbera's pre-Cartoon Network shows. I think even back then I picked up on the similarities to The Smurfs, but that didn't stop me from watching it. Does the show hold up? That's what we're going to find out today.

This is one of those "two segments per episode" shows. We'll be watching the seventeenth episode of the second season, which consists of "Allstar's Freshwater Adventure" and "Dr. Strangesnork". My apologies in advance for the lousy quality of the screencaps, this is the only version of the episode I could find online.

"Allstar's Freshwater Adventure" begins with three of our main characters grabbing a bite at the local drive-thru restaurant, Snork-in-the-Box. First we have Allstar Seaworthy (voiced by Michael Bell), the leader of the main cast and an athletic, smart, brave fellow. Then there's Casey Kelp (B.J. Ward), who I'm guessing is Allstar's love interest as is usually the case with prominent female characters in cartoons. And with them is Allstar's pet octopus, Occy (Frank Welker).

It's actually kind of amusing that the show has the characters eating fast food. Clearly, this was before Super-Snork Me came out, exposing Snork-in-the-Box's eeeeeeeeeevil habit of selling food that's incredibly unhealthy and shouldn't be eaten for six square meals a day for seven weeks straight or whatever the plot of that movie was, resulting in the Snorks demanding that their kids' "Snorky Meals" come with apple slices and bottles of milk instead of fries and milkshakes and putting beloved characters like Ronald McSnorkald out of a job.

Snork-in-the-Box serves "quarter-FLOUNDERS" as opposed to quarter-pounders. I'm guessing
there are a lot of underwater-themed puns in this show.

While they're munching on their oh-so-fattening food, it starts to get windy, which according to Allstar is the result of "Hailey's Current" making it's seventy-five year appearance. Casey heads off to help her aunt with some show she's putting on, and the current dumps some trash on top of Allstar's head. Oh, look, a gag about water pollution. I thought pushing environmentalism in cartoons didn't start until the 1990s.

With the trash comes a strange-looking Snork that has TWO snorkels instead of one - and a nose.

So, if this Snork has more than one snorkel, plus a nose, does that make him a higher-evolved Snork?

The two-snorkeled Snork introduces himself as Lucky, and Allstar offers to take him on a tour of Snorkland. Lucky talks about how in his home turf, the River-World, trash is always falling on top of them. But suddenly, Lucky starts to have difficulty breathing! Allstar and Occy take him to Allstar's Uncle Galeo (Clive Revill), your typical goofy cartoon scientist with bushy white hair and a mustache.

And only one eyebrow, apparently.

Uncle Galeo saves Lucky and explains that he comes from a world where the "aquasphere" has no salt. "This is a temporary solution, Allstar. Your new friend will have to return to his world very soon," he says. In about two hours, the "half-wave" that brought Lucky there will close, and if he doesn't hitch a ride on it he'll be stranded in Snorkland for seventy-five years.

They manage to catch back up with "Hailey's Current", but the freshwater that Uncle Galeo gave Lucky starts to wear off, and he becomes too weak to swim inside. Now it's up to Allstar to carry him into the current, only to get sucked in himself. Uh-oh...

The current spits them out in Lucky's home turf of the River World, where human stuff keeps falling in. I gotta admit, this is a much more subtle way of talking about how bad pollution is than, say, Animals United's having a lion and a meerkat sic clothes-eating bugs on people at a luxury resort...

Upon seeing a Snork with a nose, Allstar starts to question how he's able to smell things without one.

Lucky takes Allstar back to his house, and Allstar comes up with an idea to stop the amount of sludge that keeps falling in. They build giant "snorkfilters" (these things that they use to keep from breathing in the sludge) to trap the sludge, then they construct a makeshift catapult to fling the trash out of the water and back to the surface. But by the time they're done, the two hours that "Hailey's Current" is around for are almost up. Fortunately, Lucky and the other residents of the River World manage to get him into the current in time. Allstar makes it home, and the residents of the River World continue pelting garbage at fishermen. The end.

Now, on to "Dr. Strangesnork". I'm amused by the fact that they named an episode of a kids' show after a black comedy film.

Our little group of designated main character Snorks are arriving at a science show. In addition to Allstar and Casey, we also have Tooter Shelby (Frank Welker); a green-skinned Snork who speaks in sound effects, Dimmy Finster (Brian Cummings); an orange-skinned Snork with aspirations of being a comedian, and Daffney Gillfin (Nancy Cartwright); whose shtick according to Wikipedia is that she's obsessed with her looks. Hosting the science show is Uncle Galeo, who has invented a shrinking machine that he calls a "Miniatureizer".

Looks like he found that other eyebrow in-between episodes.

Yes, apparently the Snorks have developed the technology to shrink things long before us humans have. Clearly they are a much more advanced species than us, even if they don't have ears.

But then this shady-looking fella sneaks into the room...

Remember, people in trenchcoats and fedoras are never to be trusted. In cartoons, anyway...

And, after introducing himself to the audience as Dr. Strangesnork - though I'm guessing we all could've guessed that for ourselves - he swipes the Miniatureizer! Allstar and Occy take off in hot pursuit after him, but he manages to make it back to the safety of his mysterious laboratory.

Quick question, if you're going to have an evil lair, shouldn't it be designed to look like a place that no one would ever suspect as being an evil lair? If you plot your evil schemes in a place like this, you're just ASKING for the neighbors to get suspicious, look into what you're doing, and have you sent to the local mental asylum.

And there's lightning underwater now, apparently.

After Allstar and Occy are sucked inside Dr. Strangesnork's evil lair, he gives them - and us - some exposition. He's Uncle Galeo's brother, technically making him Allstar's uncle too, but apparently Uncle Galeo never thought to mention him around Allstar.

Why do so many cartoon villains have hair that's both black AND white at the same time?

Dr. Strangesnork stole the Miniatureizer so that he could use it to take over all of Snorkland. I expected him to use it to shrink all of Snorkland and its residents, but apparently he thought that was too cliched. So instead, he uses it to shrink down a camera-like device he calls his "Mind-Swapper". He plots to swap minds with Snorkland's governor. Then all the other Snorks will think that HE'S the governor and he can take over!

But first, he has to test his Mind-Swapper, and guess who he decides to test in on? If you guessed "Allstar and Occy", you're right. You don't win anything, but you have the satisfaction of being right.

I don't recall Occy being taller than Allstar a few minutes ago...

So now Occy is in Allstar's body and Allstar is in Occy's. Occy-Allstar swims off to warn the governor, Dr. Strangesnork leaves so he can become governor, and Allstar-Occy chases after the mad doctor's literal catfish, Finneas.

There's just one problem... see, usually in cartoons, when two characters swap bodies, they retain their actual voices. This is usually done so the audience will remember who's in whose body. But in THIS show, it's a bit more inconsistent. Initially, Occy-Allstar speaks with Allstar's voice, and Allstar-Occy communicates in Occy's barking and yelping. But when Occy-Allstar tries to warn the governor, all the governor hears is Occy's barking and yelping. Huh?

I mean, I know the whole "other Snorks can't understand Occy-Allstar" thing is so we can have
some WHACKY SHENANIGANS, but it's still a headscratcher...

Speaking of inconsistencies, how come some Snorks have full heads of hair, some Snorks just have SOME hair, and some Snorks have no hair at all? Is Snork Pattern Baldness a problem for these creatures?

Anyhow, Allstar-Occy catches up with Dimmy, Tooter, and Daffney, while Occy-Allstar catches up with Casey and drags her back to Dr. Strangesnork's lab... where Dr. Strangelove promptly traps them in cages.

Look at Casey. She just has pigtails sticking out of her head. No other hair whatsoever.

Fortunately, when Uncle Galeo sees Allstar-Occy, he immediately deduces what's going on - his brother, Dr. Strangesnork, put Occy's mind in Allstar's body! They all follow Finneas to Dr. Strangesnork's evil lair and free Occy-Allstar and Casey, who fills them in as to where Dr. Strangesnork is.

Before Dr. Strangesnork can swap minds with the governor, Uncle Galeo swips the Mind-Swapper, puts Occy and Allstar back in their rightful bodies, and explains to the governor that Dr. Strangesnork was plotting to swap minds with him and take over Snorkland. The governor dubs Allstar a hero... even though it was technically Uncle Galeo who saved the day.

"I'm a hero! Even though I really didn't accomplish anything aside from swim around in the body
of my pet octopus..."

Meanwhile, Dr. Strangesnork has escaped back to his evil lair, which as it turns out is on the back of a giant sea turtle, allowing him to get away without leaving the comfort of his home. And that's how it ends. With the bad guy getting away scott-free. Uh, okay...

What's the Verdict?

Despite being a blatant Smurfs cash-grab, I think Snorks stands pretty well on its own. It has a likeable, colorful cast of characters and a lot of talented voice actors lending their voices to 'em, and the things they do with the underwater world the Snorks inhabit gives me SpongeBob SquarePants vibes. As a big fan of SpongeBob, I don't consider that a bad thing at all. I'm kind of surprised nobody's attempted to revisit the Snorks. You'd think that with the success of the Smurfs movies, somebody would've greenlit a Snorks film or two as a way of cashing-in.

Then again, considering how bad the live action Smurfs movies are, maybe it's for the best that we never got a Snorks movie.

Let's Watch This: An Episode of "Pig Goat Banana Cricket"

You ever judge a show based on its art style alone? Well, I have admittedly done that. And the show was Pig Goat Banana Cricket.

Yes, I'm perfectly aware that it's probably unfair to judge a show based on its art style. Anyway, Pig Goat Banana Cricket was created by Dave Cooper and Johnny Ryan. It premiered on Nickelodeon in 2015, spawning two seasons. If you'd like to know what the show is about, just look at what it's called - there's a pig, a goat, a banana, and a cricket. Their names are, rather creatively, Pig (voiced by Matt Jones), Goat (Candi Milo), Banana (Thomas F. Wilson), and Cricket (Paul Rugg). The four main characters get into whacky shenanigans. And that's pretty much it.

Like most Nickelodeon cartoon shows from the early 2010s, the show got negative reception. From folks online, at least. I avoided it because, again, I didn't care for the art style. But, the show is now obscure enough for me to do a review of it, and I think it's only fair that I watch an episode of the show before brushing it off as crappy. So, let's watch an episode of the show. Specifically, we're watching the episode "Total Bananarchy". This is Pig Goat Banana Cricket.

The episode begins with everyone celebrating Pig's birthday. When blowing out the candles on his pickle-shaped cake, he wishes for a butter sculpture of his head. And, after Banana suggests it, to become president of the planet. He blows out the candles... and then, all of a sudden, they're all in the presidential office. And this guy is there, too:

So, yeah. A dim-witted pig is the president now. I would make a Donald Trump joke here, but he's out of office now (thank goodness) so it'd likely be a bit out-of-date.

But alas, he'll only be the president for twenty-four hours. After that, the mustached dog with Peter Griffin's chin explains, he'll return to his normal life as a regular civilian hog. Then he opens up trapdoors under the dog, Goat, Banana, and Cricket's feet.

Something I'd like to point out here is that in some frames, Pig has a mustache, but in others, he doesn't. Was this intentional, or an animation error or something?

Or is that "mustache" actually his teeth?

Pig's first order of business is to demand that nobody eat anything but pickles. He rides through the town on his desk, watching everybody eat pickles... but eating too many pickles makes the townsfolk sick, and as a result they're all pretty ticked off at him.

I'm still very tempted to make a Donald Trump joke.

Pig decides that the townsfolk would love him again if he made a new rule - that everyone speak in tongue twisters all the time. I'm skeptical that this silly statute the stupid swine spoke of shouldn't spark several snags for the civilians. See what I did there?

The tongue twisters rule winds up being a total bust too, resulting in some gross gags involving tongues (I'll spare you the screencaps). Pig begs the townsfolk for one more chance. His third rule is that it's National Pet a Bunny Day. Surely THAT won't go wrong, right?

Yeah, you can probably see where this is going.

Hello, nightmare fuel.

Pig sobs over the fact that he's a horrible president (I will not make a Donald Trump joke. I will not make a Donald Trump joke...), then comes up with an idea to fix the situation - from now on, he proclaims, there will be no more rules. This is the result:

Meanwhile, Banana is loving this "no rules" rule, as now he can do and take whatever he wants. But he didn't count on a rhinoceros in biker clothing preventing him from stealing an arcade game. And if you have no idea what's going on, you're not the only one, let me tell you.

Boy, and I thought Ned's Newt was weird...

The rhino and his gang steal the arcade game themselves, then he fires Banana "from life". This makes Banana realize that if he's gonna survive in this crazy wasteland of no rules and no making sense whatsoever, he's gonna need a bodyguard. And then guess what? A potential bodyguard shows up!

Judging from the architecture, does this show take place in Whoville?

The biker dog turns down Banana's offer of being his bodyguard, but Banana isn't one to take no for an answer. One thing leads to another, and then Banana fixes the biker dog's mullet so that it doesn't cover his face or something. "I OWE YOU BIG TIME!" the biker dog says, so now he's Banana's bodyguard.

But of course Banana has to mess up a good thing, and upon discovering that the biker dog's mullet is just a wig, he starts mocking the guy for being bald. Ignoring for a second that mocking somebody who is much bigger and stronger than you (as in, somebody that could beat the crap out of you in a very painful manner) is a very stupid thing to do, does the biker dog actually qualify as being bald when he's covered in fur? Then again, maybe I shouldn't try to bring logic into a show with a talking banana in it...

The biker dog storms off, only to run afoul of the biker rhinoceros and his gang. They steal his wig, then proceed to... pluck out his chest hairs. Ouch. It's up to Banana to save him. But first, he peels himself. Is that the banana equivalent of stripping naked?

Then again, he does have underwear on...

Banana pulls his peel down over the rhino's entire body, and because his gang consists of idiots, they assume that HE'S Banana and start beating the crap out of him. Now, let's see what Goat's up to.

At the moment, she's come across Pig, who's still bummed that his attempt at being president led to what I can only describe as Mad Max: What The Heck Is Going On Edition.

It's kind of depressing when you make Patrick Star look competent.

Hey, wait... does Goat have a mustache too? Maybe that's just a beard... she IS a goat, after all.

Anyhow, Goat decides to cheer up Pig by making him that butter sculpture of his head he wanted. She heads over to Calvin Clam's Butter Crevice to get some butter. Calvin Clam - who looks nothing like an actual clam, by the way - tells her that this new "no rules" rule is "really cranking [his] horse" (I assume that's something people were saying in 2015). Goat tells him that she's going to give him lots of money in exchange for lots of butter, which "makes [his] turtleneck all twizzely"... which honestly sounds dirty to me.

He's really annoyed when people come up to him and asking "Where's Hobbes?"

But how is Goat going to transport all that butter? Simple - Cricket has a hovercar she can borrow. Cricket gets carried off by one of those demonic bunnies from before, and then... okay, I know what you're thinking. "Can this show possibly get any weirder?" Well, the answer to that is YES. Yes it can. How about we have BIKER PANCAKES show up?

It's like an IHOP commercial on acid.

The biker pancakes are all "Give us the butter!" and Goat is all "No way!" and then she and Calvin make their escape. We get a chase scene, and just when it seems like the biker pancakes are gonna swipe the butter, guess what shows up? Why, BIKER WAFFLES, of course!

There's probably better things I can be doing with my time than watching a show that has a goat fighting biker waffles, but eh, SOMEBODY has to do a review of it...

And why are they riding a giant diaper?

And the lead biker waffle has an Australian accent. Okay then...

Fortunately, Calvin finds an enormous laser blaster in the glove compartment. "Time to make this hovercraft gluten-free!" Goat exclaims before shooting the pancakes and waffles with it. Once they're disposed of, Goat is able to make Pig that butter sculpture of his head. Huzzah.

As for Cricket, he's still in the clutches of a demonic bunny, which promptly dumps him into his lab. But, oh no! The biker rhino's gang has made a mess of it!

That elephant on the right looks a bit like Raj from Camp Lazlo, doesn't it? I guess after camp
he went down a dark path...

"Without rules there's no order! I can't take it anymore!" Cricket proclaims. There's only one solution - go to Mars!

That's one strange-looking rocket ship...

On Mars, Cricket meets some Jawas who he offends by eating carrots... it's Tuesday, and they don't eat carrots on Tuesdays. The very foundation of their civilization is built on that rule. Also, they consider "what" a curse word. With that in mind, I'll avoid using that word for the rest of this review. Wouldn't want to offend any Mars-dwelling Jawas...

"Use the force, Cricket..."

Cricket escapes the angry Jawas by ducking into a bathroom. He has to go Number 2, so he does. Ha ha, toilet humor. But, predictably, it turns out that the strange-looking toilet in there is actually a Martian. And not just ANY Martian - the Jawas' emperor! They're all so outraged that the emperor announces they're going to go to war with Earth.

I think I've figured out the main problem with reviewing this cartoon. It's that there isn't much you can say about it other than "it doesn't make any sense". There's only so many times you can say "this show is incredibly bizarre" before the review starts to become monotonous...

Cricket runs back into his rocket and flies back to Earth to warn Pig, Goat, and Banana about the Martians' planning to wage war on Earth. They all hop aboard Pig's desk and fly into outer space with it. The emperor tells them that he's going to blow up the Earth (that's not exactly going to war with it, but the episode's almost over, so it's not like he's going to succeed anyway), but then Pig comes up with a new rule - toilet party in space with the alien toilet guys. So he summons all the toilets on Earth...

It's actually kind of weird that the toilets aren't sentient in a world where everything else seems to be.
I mean, FOOD talks. How come the toilets can't too?

And they have themselves a toilet party in space.  The emperor decides to cancel the war... but then Pig accidentally presses the button that fires the missiles that he was going to use to blow up the Earth. The result - Earth goes kaboom. D'oh.

But on the bright side, Marvin the Martian's view of Venus is finally unobstructed.

WHAT'S THE VERDICT?
(Whoops, used the word "what" there. Sorry, Martians)

There's a right way and a wrong way to do surrealism in cartoons. This is the wrong way. Surrealism is not a substitute for jokes. Pig Goat Banana Cricket is so obsessed with being bizarre that it seems to have forgotten about including, y'know, JOKES. When the funniest part of the episode is every toilet on Earth flying into outer space, you have a problem.

In addition, the characters are not engaging. I've seen cartoon characters whose entire schtick is that they're idiots done far, far better than Pig here. What are the other characters' personality traits? They don't have much - Banana is kind of a jerk, Goat is the girl, and Cricket is a scientist. None of these characters are interesting.

And I'm sorry, but I still don't like the art style. It's way too gross and lumpy for me. I just find it disgusting to look at. Is there ANYTHING good about the show? Well... it's got Jeff Bennett and John DiMaggio in it. So there's that, I guess.

So, yeah. I don't think Pig Goat Banana Cricket is worth your time. It's just weird for the sake of being weird, lacking the charm of other "weird" shows like Adventure Time and Regular Show.

And by the way, I much prefer THIS Pig and Goat over the ones in this show:

When do you think we'll get a Pearls Before Swine cartoon?