Let's Watch This: An Episode of "Rocket Monkeys"

How many times must it be said that monkeys aren't automatically funny before people get the hint? I don't know, but this cartoon exists, so it'll probably have to be said again.

Rocket Monkeys premiered on Teletoon in 2013, the creation of Dan Abdo and Jason Patterson. In the United States, it ran on Nickelodeon. The show got three seasons, making for a total of sixty-five episodes. HOW it got three seasons, I don't know, because the show is not particularly good.

What's the plot? Well, there are these two monkeys named Gus (voiced by Sean Cullen) and Wally (voiced by Joseph Motiki). They're astronauts, gigantic idiots, and they fly around in outer space carrying out important missions given to them by their boss, Dr. Chimpsky (Jamie Watson). They are accompanied by a robot named YAY-OK (David Berni). And the main antagonist of the series is an evil alien named Lord Peel (Mark McKinney) who looks like a banana.

Despite the fact that I haven't heard much in the way of positive things about the show, it's considered obscure enough for me to consider giving it a watch. I mean, the segments of the episode that I watched are called "When Garbage Revolts" and "Monkeys vs. Gorillas". I was oddly curious to see what's going to happen here. Then I actually watched the episodes and discovered that, wouldn't you know it, the show really IS crap.

Sooooooo, why is Robot Monkeys nothing to go bananas (see what I did there?) over? Let's get started.

"When Garbage Revolts" begins with Wally wanting to have something to eat. Apparently, all they have to eat are tiny cubes that, when you squirt water on them, become Jell-O in the shape of something that the writers think we'll find funny. Then he and Gus get into a food fight. YAY-OK, who I'm assuming is supposed to be the sane one on this rocket, tries to calm them down, but is unsuccessful.

Why do I have the feeling that I'm going to feel really, really sorry for YAY-OK
by the time this episode is over?

YAY-OK tells them that they've destroyed their entire food supply. That doesn't bother the monkeys, as now they can eat OUT. Yes, there are restaurants in outer space. A good chunk of 'em must be McDonald's, those are EVERYWHERE. Then on their TV we get a commercial for some sort of restaurant run by a big purple bunny.

You know, the problem with reviewing an episode of a show you've never seen before that isn't the pilot is that there's a very good chance you'll have no idea what's going on. Case in point, I have no idea what's going on. Though I doubt that I would know what's going on even if I had seen previous episodes of this show.

Why is there a banana wrapped in a tortilla with a face and limbs?

But before Tweedledee and Tweedledum can rush off to that restaurant for "banana burritos", Dr. Chimpsky calls them up and tells them that their spaceship is a mess. "Are you rocket MONKEYS or rocket PIGS?" he demands. Then we get a cutaway gag.

I know it's pointless to bring realism into a cartoon with talking monkeys in it,
but how are those pigs surviving in outer space without oxygen?

Dr. Chimpsky adds that he was going to reward them for their cleanliness with... a spork. Big incentive. Gus demands that he receive the spork, but Dr. Chimpsky says that they won't get the spork OR their banana burritos until they clean the ship up. "We're on it, Doc!" Gus announces, but let's be honest here, they're not gonna get that ship cleaned up. At least not until the end of the episode, because otherwise we'd have no plot.

Before going into space, Gus used to live in the closet of a kid named Chris Griffin.

So, then we cut to... what the heck?

After whatever that was, we get a montage of YAY-OK and the monkeys cleaning up the place. Then we cut to... this...

And the monkeys have the place all cleaned up. Well, except for the large smelly garbage bags that they still need to get rid of. The monkeys then become... German-accented beatniks? I could forgive this show's attempts at being random if it were, y'know, funny. But it isn't. It's just random.

Seriously, are there even a lot of German-accented beatniks in real life?

The garbage bags explode after Gus sits on one of them, and now the place is a mess again. Gus gives a big speech about how they have to clean the place, but as he's speaking the... filmstrip breaks, or something... and then a hand places THIS on the screen...

I really am not liking this show thus far...

So, they pile the trash onto a shopping cart, which they then use the rocket to tow to a faraway "garbage planet". Eventually, their hunger becomes too much to bear. The monkeys need food. "Engage turbo thruster yellow pressy button!" Gus tells Wally. Wally does... and it only makes the rocket move slightly faster. So then Gus suggests dumping the garbage on a nearby planet that's on fire. I can only see THIS ending well...

Thanks a lot, guys. Now the whole galaxy's gonna have to deal with the smell
of burning garbage.

Dumping the garbage on the planet causes it to crack open like an egg, revealing... this thing.

So now the monkeys have a giant garbage monster to worry about. "Somebody woke up on the wrong side of ugly," Wally quips. I don't have a problem with you insulting what I'm assuming is the episode's antagonist, but could you at least be clever about it? "Somebody woke up on the wrong side of ugly" doesn't even make sense. Anyhow, YAY-OK tries to communicate with the monster, but fails, and then the monster vomits into the ship, resulting in it becoming filthy again... just as Dr. Chimpsky is about to give them the spork for cleaning the ship. Wah wah wah wah waaaaaaaah...

Gus puts on his "thinking cap"...

I recall an episode of SpongeBob SquarePants doing this joke much better...

And comes up with a plan. They get the monster to follow them to the "garbage planet", in the hopes that he'll like it so much there he'll forget about them. It doesn't work... but then the garbage monster spots a female garbage monster. Hooray for Deus Ex Machinas!

Then we cut to... this...

Okay, seriously, what is up with the transitions in this show? Why are they all so incredibly weird? Even the transitions in the Austin Powers movies aren't nearly as strange as these (and that's saying A LOT).

The monkeys get their spork, which they use to cut the line at the banana burrito-serving restaurant. They finally get to eat banana burritos... and then Gus starts rapping for some reason. Next segment...

Gus and Wally are fast asleep. Gus dreams that he's winning an award. Wally dreams that he's in a video game. Then YAY-OK wakes them up because there's a "Red Alert". According to Dr. Chimpsky, an out of control ship filled with "rocket chickens" (chickens aren't automatically funny either, by the way) has blasted into their quadrant. They must be rescued before they crash into "the fiery nebula of Sanders". Get it? Sanders? As in COLONEL Sanders? Okay, I'll give them credit for ONE funny joke.

What's with this guy's nose?

Dr. Chimpsky threatens to call the Space Gorillas, the monkeys' rivals, to handle the job instead. This makes Gus MAD, and he announces that they'll save the chickens before they wind up an appetizer at KFC before those stupid gorillas can. His plan is to leap out of their rocket and onto the chicken coop, then save the day. I'm seeing a flaw in your plan there, Gus.

So does YAY-OK, who shows Gus what the REAL outcome to his plan would probably be:

"MAH BISCUITS ARE BURNIN'! MAH BISCUITS ARE BURNIN'!"

But Gus is an idiot, so he still wants to go through with his plan. He also says at one point that the Space Gorillas suck. I'm not kidding. He straight-up says that they suck. His exact line is, "One small step for monkey... one giant leap to show Space Gorillas they suck!" I dunno how they got away with saying that in a kids' show. Then again, Spliced got away with having the word "crap" in its theme song, so...

Gus' plan predictably fails, but he and the chickens are rescued by the Space Gorillas. By the way, the entire time that this is going on, Wally is just sitting there playing a video game. Thanks for not helping at all, Wally.

Gorillas should not wear makeup.

The two Great Grape Apes are rewarded a trophy for their saving the Rocket Chickens. We get a gag where Gus... lays an egg... and the chick inside of the egg farts because ha ha, fart joke...

And then we get - are you ready for this? Here it is - ANOTHER WEIRD TRANSITION! Haven't had one of THOSE in a while, have we?

Personally, I prefer my eggs scrambled...

So now everyone thinks the Space Gorillas are the best thing since sliced bread, which makes Gus mad. "I'm gonna show them that I've got game!" he snaps. He calls up Dr. Chimpsky and demands that he and Wally be given an incredibly dangerous mission to show how great they are. Dr. Chimpsky does - their job is to stop a rogue black hole. But first, a weird transition!

Gus tries to blast the black hole to smithereens, but fails miserably. So he and Wally tie themselves to a torpedo, which they plan on "delivering" to the black hole "personally". We even get what I assume is a Dr. Strangelove reference.

I mean, that's gotta be the reason why he's wearing a cowboy hat, right?

Fortunately, the Rocket Chickens from before show up again and save the monkeys before the torpedo flies into the black hole. It goes ka-boom, the day is saved, and the Rocket Chickens are rewarded for saving the galaxy while Gus gets zilch. And then the Rocket Chickens see Gus shaking his "hairy foot fist" at the chick from before and beat him up. They also beat up Wally, even though he was just sitting there not doing anything wrong. The end.

WHAT'S THE VERDICT?

Rocket Monkeys is another cartoon that falls into the "yeah, it's bad" pile. It tries so hard to be funny that it throws every single thing that the general public thinks people find funny at us - MONKEYS! CHICKENS! RANDOMNESS! - and it fails miserably. The jokes straight-up are not funny. The attempts at randomness fall flat and are more off-putting than humorous. The characters are not engaging at all. Gus and Wally are just your typical "two idiots getting into whacky shenanigans" that we've seen in a bunch of other cartoons. Y'know, like Buhdeuce and Sway-Sway or Peri and Entree. I'm sure kids would probably like it fine, but I still wouldn't recommend watching this show. Is it the worst show that I've ever seen? No. But it's pretty bad.

Honestly, maybe people should just stop making animated things about primates in space. I mean, in addition to Rocket Monkeys, there was also THIS...