Let's Watch This: An Episode of "Hi Hi Puffy AmiYumi"

NOTE: Please do not take any of the little nitpicks in this review (or any of my other reviews, for that matter) seriously. I write these reviews in the hopes of making people laugh. Those nitpicks are really just dumb little observations that I'm attempting to make jokes out of, not complaints that add to whether or not I like something.

Let us travel back in time again to the Cartoon Network of the 2000s. This was a very hit or miss time for the channel, with most of the "classic" cartoons that were the reason it was created in the first place (so folks would have a place to watch them) banished to Boomerang and a mixed bag of cartoons whipped up to take their place. This is the decade that gave us Camp Lazlo (which I personally like), Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends (which I've already looked at), Class of 3000 (which I've also already done a review for), Squirrel Boy (which... yeah, you can see where this is going) and billboards for the channel with "I pooted." and "I'm a hot toe picker." written on them.

This makes zero sense unless you've actually watched the episode of Foster's Home
For Imaginary Friends where Bloo says this. If you haven't, search YouTube for "It's Hot in
Topeka".

Cartoon Network aired a LOT of stuff in the 2000s that you don't see folks talk all that much about nowadays. Which gives me a lot of reviewing material for this blog, especially since I actually watched a lot of Cartoon Network and Boomerang during this time period - so even if I've never seen any of the shows, I do remember seeing ads for it, so I'm at least somewhat familiar with it.

Case in point, I remember Hi Hi Puffy AmiYumi being a thing, but I never actually watched a single episode.

For those unaware, this is one of those cartoons that was made to celebrate the fact that a certain celebrity exists - in this case, a Japanese pop rock band called Puffy AmiYumi. Ami Onuki and Yumi Yoshimura are still around nowadays, I don't know how popular they are, but apparently in the 2000s they were popular enough to justify a cartoon being made about them. Here's a photo of the real Ami and Yumi:

You'll notice that they look nothing like the cartoon versions. The animated Ami and Yumi weren't even voiced by them, they were voiced by Janice Kawaye and Grey DeLisle-Griffin. Ami's the cutesy optomistic one, Yumi's the tough sarcastic one. They travel around the world in a tour bus along with their greedy manager Kaz Harada (voiced by Keone Young) getting into weird adventures.

Noteworthy is that the show was produced by Sam Register, who was at the time the vice president of Cartoon Network. It premiered in November 2004, and Cartoon Network hyped the heck out of it. There was merchandise, video games, albums... it even got a float in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. Even the Powerpuff Girls never got THAT.

Then in 2006 the show was cancelled, reruns were taken off the air, and Cartoon Network didn't even bother to air the final few episodes of the third season. Now it's basically just another footnote in Cartoon Network history. If you want to watch the show, eight episodes were released on DVD... in the United States. In Japan and Thailand, the entire series got a DVD release. But the show is also in HBO Max... in Latin America. But you can also find episodes on YouTube... that aren't exactly in the best quality.

Is the show any good? I don't know. Like I said, I've never watched a single episode. But I do know that it has its fans, so maybe I'll wind up liking it. Who knows? We'll be watching the show's second episode, which consists of THREE - not two, THREE - segments. First up, "Talent Suckers"...

After a brief live action segment with the real Ami and Yumi messing around with a video game controller, the episode begins with Ami and Yumi's tour bus driving through Slovakia. Yumi complains to Kaz that the tour bus is lousy.

Well, forty-six seconds in and I can't think of a single joke to make yet. I suppose I could make a joke about how Yumi sounds like an incredibly bored Frankie Foster? Yeah, I've got nothing.

I can't even think of a funny joke to make about this screencap.

Kaz insists that the tour bus is in mint condition... just before the bus gets stuck in some mud. "Yeah. Mint like a toilet cake," Yumi snarks. And just to add insult to injury, there's no cell service, nor does the bus have a spare tire. Which means that Ami and Yumi must walk through the rainy Slovakian swamp to go find help. Why them? Because Kaz is a coward, that's why.

Still can't think of a funny joke to make...

So Ami and Yumi go hiking through the swamp... and then suddenly MUSICAL NOTE SKULLS!

No, really, MUSICAL NOTE SKULLS! Finally, something at least slightly interesting!

You think this is what the sheet music for the songs in Corpse Bride looked like?

The reason for the MUSICAL NOTE SKULLS is because Ami and Yumi hear really bad rock music that sounds like a squirrel being tortured. But maybe whoever's making the music can help them!

Or maybe not. They follow the sound of the music and come across... punk rocker vampires. The leader of which has a Jamaican accent for some reason. Okay, three things here... number one, everybody knows that cartoon vampires live in TRANSYLVANIA, which is in ROMANIA, not Slovakia. Number two, why does one of the vampires have a Jamaican accent? Is he a reggae vampire too? Did the writers just think that a Jamaican-accented vampire would be funny? Or is that Jamaican accent actually a really bad Transylvanian accent? Number three, one of the vampires doesn't have a nose. Where is it? How does he smell things?

Just think of all the Twilight jokes I'll be able to make now that we have some vampires
in this episode.

The vampires introduce themselves as the "Talent Suckers"... presumably, they're called that because when it comes to having talent, they suck. Thank you, I'll be here all week.

Ami and Yumi tell them about their bus troubles, and the vampires say that they'd be happy to help them - right after they play a little song for them, that is. I guess since the show is about musicians, they're required to include at least one musical number in every episode.

Rock musicians have the ability to warp reality as part of their performances. It's just
common knowledge.

After that completely pointless five seconds of a song, Ami and Yumi realize that the vampires are very, very close to going all "I vant to suck your blood!" on them and make a run for it, but the vampires stop them in their tracks. They faint. Now it's time for the vampires to indeed do a little blood-sucking...

Nosferatu this ain't.

So now Ami and Yumi aren't just rock musicians, they're VAMPIRE rock musicians! Now THIS is a cool idea for a cartoon show! Except that they're not, in fact, vampires when they come to. They don't have fangs or pale skin. And the title of the episode already gave away the "twist" that the vampires sucked out their TALENT, not their blood.

Okay, so Ami and Yumi make it back to their bus and tell Kaz that they've been attacked by vampires, only for him to point out to them that they don't look like vampires. There are no bite marks on their necks, they still have reflections, and they're not tempted to suck Kaz's blood (though it would've served him right). "So, if the vampires didn't take our souls," Ami says, "What DID they take from us?" Well, Ami, perhaps I should remind you that the vampires called themselves the "TALENT Suckers". Which seems to imply that they suck, y'know, TALENT.

Actually, it takes Ami and Yumi a few seconds to realize that the vampires stole their talent. We get a few seconds of them just standing there thinking while a horrid rock song that sounds like the Jeopardy theme but isn't because Cartoon Network doesn't want to get sued blares in the background. Methinks Ami and Yumi are a few sodas short of a six-pack. The cartoon Ami and Yumi, that is. I'm sure the real Ami and Yumi are very smart.

Just think, this whole mess could have been avoided if Kaz had just brought a spare tire
with them.

Now that Ami and Yumi have no talent, Kaz attempts to tear up their contract. Fortunately, Ami is having none of that. "YOU got us into this mess, and YOU'RE going to get us OUT OF IT!" she snaps. You go, Ami. Though I personally think you'd be better off without Kaz as a manager. He sucks. And not in the way that vampires do.

Ami, Yumi and Kaz head to a place called the Gloomy Sunday, which the vampires mentioned was the coolest place in Slovakia. But Kaz doesn't head inside with them because he, uh, just saw a pay phone he can use to call a tow truck or something. See what I mean about Kaz sucking? He sucks so much that I'm not even going to include a screencap of him in this review.

Inside the Gloomy Sunday...

THREE! That's THREE vampires with no musical ability! Ah, ah, ah!

Ami and Yumi are outraged to discover that the vampires are playing a mangled version of one of THEIR songs. Yumi tries to stop them with... a toilet plunger. Wow, she's even dumber than I thought she was before. Didn't she or Ami think to bring some garlic or a wooden stake with them or SOMETHING? Or at least a Nestle Crunch bar?

The vampires summon some more vampires to surround Ami and Yumi, but before any blood-sucking can presumably get started they hear the doorbell ringing. Turns out Kaz ordered a pizza. But guess what he got on the pizza? Garlic, of course! "What do you know? Kaz actually did something USEFUL," Ami points out. I do love it when a character in something I'm reviewing makes the jokes for me.

Hooray, Yumi got to use her stupid toilet plunger.

Ami and Yumi get their talent back and make a run for it. They replace the tire with a record... which actually WORKS, because cartoon logic. Which kind of makes me wonder why they didn't just do that before (I mean, aside from "because then there'd be no plot"). And it's revealed that Kaz is a vampire now. Oh, goody, does that mean Ami and Yumi can expose him to sunlight and get a new manager who isn't such a sleaze?

Next segment...

It's a beautiful day in Mexico, where you know that Ami and Yumi are because there's a plane flying around with a banner reading "WELCOME TO MEXICO" attached to it, just in case somebody watching this was an idiot and didn't pick up on the fact that this episode would take place in Mexico from the title being "Ole!".

Gee, I was under the impression that this episode would take place in Italy!

Ami and Yumi are at a bullfight. Ami says that she hopes the bull won't get hurt. Usually in cartoons, the bull comes out of the arena fine, it's the matador who gets hurt (in a comedic non-fatal fashion). However, from my understanding most actual bullfights involve the bull being murdered. No, really. Look it up. Ami must be more knowledgeable about bullfights than you'd expect somebody who took a few seconds to realize vampires called the "TALENT Suckers" stole her and Yumi's TALENT to be.

All the best matadors wear slices of pizza on their shoulders.

As the matador and the bull do their thing, Kaz returns from the snack bar with every single kind of food that is the color red. Ami and Yumi tell him to put the food down before the bull sees it, but Kaz also happens to be wearing a red poncho. Why stop there? Why not have Kaz get a bad sunburn, or have that plane from before fly overhead and dump red paint on him or something?

For those unaware, this is a joke about matadors riling up bulls by waving a red cape at them. Actually, it's not the color of the cape that makes the bull charge, it's the fact that the matador is WAVING it. But if this leads to Kaz getting beaten up by the bull, I'll forgive any inaccuracies.

I can not, however, forgive the fact that the bull doesn't seem to have ears. Bulls have ears,
animators.

Alas, Yumi moves Kaz out of the way, and the bull winds up smashing into the stand. This attracts the attention of quite possibly the most blatant Mexican stereotype in any cartoon EVER. Seriously, just look at this guy:

Not pictured: the mariachi band that follows him around. That isn't a joke, he actually
has a mariachi band following him around.

This offensive stereotype is the mayor of whatever Mexican town it is that Ami and Yumi are visiting, and he dubs them "Master Matadors" - and gives them the job of defeating the most terrifying bull ever, El Diablo. "Doesn't anybody just say 'Thank you' anymore?" Yumi complains.

The Frito Bandito explains that every year, El Diablo blows into town, disgracing their matadors. Ami says that she can't condone violence against helpless animals, and Yumi makes up some crap about her being allergic to sharp, pointy horns. Not that it does them any good - the townspeople carry them around like they're gods or something and then toss them into a local casa.

Now would be a good time to mention that the backgrounds in this show - and in this episode particularly - are pretty lousy. I mean, just look at this one:

It's just a poorly-drawn house standing out in a drab green background with some ugly plants scattered about. You can't even tell when the sky ends and the ground begins. I've seen more detailed backgrounds in Diary of a Wimpy Kid books.

The casa that Ami and Yumi are stuck in is more like a jailhouse, with bars on the window and everything. Fortunately, Yumi just so happens to have a saw in her boot to take care of those bars. How convenient. Wouldn't it be really uncomfortable to walk around with a saw in your boot?

That night, they spot a burro and try to sneak over and ride it out of town. Yes, a burro. I guess the Mexican stereotypes aren't done being thrown at us. In fact, that burro's not even a burro at all - it's a pinata. And a bunch of townsfolk run over and start whacking it with sticks. So then they try escaping via hot air balloon... which Senor Estereotipo Ofensivo and his mariachi band are already in. Tell me, when do Ami and Yumi stop at the local cantina for some tacos and burritos and spicy Mexican boys trying to make the moves on them? No, better yet - why don't you have them go to Taco Bell, do the Mexican Hat Dance, and sing about how funny George Lopez is?

This is, like, The Chipmunk Adventure levels of stereotypical.

After that, Ami and Yumi try digging a tunnel... only to wind up in the middle of a fountain that looks like part of a Mayan temple. Even the Mexico pavilion at EPCOT is less stereotypical than this!

So Ami and Yumi give up on trying to get the heck out of Mexican Stereotypeland and agree to do the bullfight. This is where we actually get to see El Diablo in all of his gigantic, purple, weirdly buff glory.

Well, on the bright side, at least THIS bull has ears...

Ami and Yumi get chased around the arena by the bull for about a minute, we get some unfunny gags, then just when it seems like Ami and Yumi are going to be... what exactly does the bull plan on doing to them, anyway? Eating them? Bulls are herbivores. Well, anyway, Kaz shows up in their tour bus, which he's redecorated to look like an even bigger bull, and upon seeing that El Diablo gets all freaked out. Because Kaz defeated El Diablo, the Biggest Mexican Stereotype in Any Cartoon Ever dubs HIM the new "Master Matador", the mariachi band plays again, and then the segment just... stops.

But we still have one more segment to sit through!

Here we see Ami and Yumi signing autographs before returning to their dressing room to find... babies crawling around and causing property damage. Kaz enters and explains that these babies are part of his latest attempt to increase Ami and Yumi's fanbase (and, of course, the size of his wallet).

Are the babies just abnormally large, or is all the furniture in Ami and Yumi's dressing room
small?

He calls them... the Mini-Puffs. I'm not one hundred percent sure what his plan is... maybe he watched Muppet Babies and decided that if doing "baby" versions of the Muppets worked out well, then surely doing "baby" versions of Ami and Yumi would be a huge success. Yumi is annoyed, but Ami insists that the cute little babies won't ruin their superstar lifestyle. So how long until she eats those words?

I think dressing up your baby like this qualifies as some sort of abuse.

So the babies do their first performance, which consists of them "playing instruments" and babbling... and that's about it. "Hey! I'M supposed to be the cute one here!" Ami snaps. The crowd eats it up, and Kaz informs Ami and Yumi that the Mini-Puffs will be coming on tour with them... with Ami and Yumi serving as their babysitters. They already agreed to it in a subsection of the contract that they signed. Always read the fine print.

I have to ask, why exactly do Ami and Yumi stick with Kaz? Surely they can find a new manager.

"What are we going to do with all of this Hi Hi Puffy AmiYumi merchandise now that the
show's been cancelled?"

"Who cares? Just chuck it into the fire with all of the Squirrel Boy merchandise that nobody
is buying..."

Later, while Kaz is counting all the Mini-Puffs merchandise he's going to sell, we get a montage of Ami and Yumi failing miserably at being babysitters. Question - where exactly are these babies' parents? Are they aware that Kaz is trying to profit off their childrens' images? Is Kaz a baby-snatcher?

Ami and Yumi really are helpless, aren't they? I can understand needing to be saved
from vampires and a bull, but they're just BABIES. It's not like you're trying to raise
a great white shark or something...

This goes on for FIVE DAYS, and Ami and Yumi complain to Kaz that the babies are running them ragged. Kaz (after letting one of the babies drive the bus - because that's TOTALLY a good idea, isn't it?) tells them to shut up and stop whining because they're being paid very well for "a couple of nannies". Ami has to remind him that they're, y'know, the pop stars he is the manager of, to which he just shrugs and says, "Nope. Doesn't ring a bell."

So finally and I do mean FINALLY Ami and Yumi tell Kaz that they're quitting and that he can take care of the Mini-Puffs himself. Right on, girls.

Now they're free to do poorly-animated wild takes.

Then Ami and Yumi realize that they just quit being Puffy AmiYumi and become convinced that the babies tricked them into letting them steal their "totally awesome pop star life". Again, I question as to why they can't just find a new manager. Does Kaz just own the Puffy AmiYumi name and brand too? Does he own their likenesses? Can he continue to use their likenesses, or are Ami and Yumi allowed to sue him for that? I'm not sure how the music business works...

Kaz, meanwhile, is having difficulty getting the babies to do what he wants. Ami and Yumi show up and tell him that they'd be HAPPY to help him with the Mini-Puffs... on one condition. That he sign a contract. After that, Ami and Yumi sing the babies a lullaby and get their fame back. And apparently that contract included a subsection about Kaz now being their slave. Not exactly the comeuppance I was hoping for, but eh, it's better than nothing.

What's the Verdict?

Why do so many of the cartoons that I review wind up being mediocre? It's easier to make jokes about something that's awful than it is to make jokes about something that's just mediocre. Case in point, this. Hi Hi Puffy AmiYumi has a lot of problems. The animation is really bad - the lousy backgrounds, stiff movements, and equally stiff character designs add up to something that's not fun to look at. Ami and Yumi are really dull protagonists. Kaz, meanwhile, is really unlikeable - like, the sort of character you want to punch in the face because they're so sleazy and obnoxious. Say what you will about Mr. Krabs, but he's at least entertaining in his over-the-top greed. Very few of the jokes are funny. And, oh yeah, one of the segments features a million offensive Mexican stereotypes. I will say that Janice Kawaye and Grey DeLisle-Griffin do their best with the lame script that they've been given, but aside from that, there's really not much of substance here. I can see why the show didn't catch on, but as far as bad Cartoon Network shows go, I'd gladly watch this over something like My Gym Partner's a Monkey.

I hope the real Ami and Yumi have gone on to better things, because I'd hate for this cartoon to be the thing that torpedoed their career. It probably didn't, but then again I don't know much about the music industry so I wouldn't know for sure.

Let's Watch This: An Episode of "Tak and the Power of Juju"

In 2003, the folks at Nickelodeon, Avalanche Software, and THQ released a video game about some sort of tribal kid in a loincloth named Tak. It was called Tak and the Power of Juju. I've never played the game, nor have I played either of its sequels, but it's noteable in that it's the only video game produced by Nickelodeon to not be based on one of their already-existing animated series. It's also got a pretty impressive voice cast - Rob Paulsen, John Kassir, Patrick Warburton, Jeff Bennett, Lara Jill Miller, and Jason Marsden as Tak himself.

I don't know if Nickelodeon's intent when creating the game was that if it did well they could make a TV show out of it. But in 2007, that's what happened.

Tak and the Power of Juju premiered on August 31st, 2007. Twenty-six episodes were made before Nickelodeon gave the show the axe due to crummy ratings. The show focuses on Tak, now voiced by Hal Sparks, getting into whacky antics in his village, usually involving these magical creatures called Jujus. Whatever Nickelodeon's plans for the franchise was, they came to a halt after they cancelled it and now the character of Tak is one of those Nickelodeon characters you rarely if ever see brought up nowadays.

Why couldn't the show find an audience? Let's find out, shall we? We'll be watching the third episode, which consists of the segments "The Three Chiefs" and "The Party", to see if this Nicktoon that never caught on is a hidden gem or a lump of Juju doo-doo. Heh, rhymes...

"The Three Chiefs" begins with the chief of the Pupanunu people, creatively named "the Chief" (and voiced by Maurice LaMarche) having a statue made in his likeness. As tribal chiefs in animation are known to do.

"Hey, my chin isn't THAT big!"

The Chief gives us some exposition: the chiefs of two other tribes, Zogsnob and Tinatina, are coming to the Pupanunu village - and they just so happen to be the tribes of two most important tribes ever, hintidy-hint-hint-hint.

After a flashback, we cut to Tak and this girl named Jeera (Kari Wahlgren), the Chief's daughter, who was not in the games and presumably was created for the show because the show needed at least one female member of the main cast. And also because Tak needed a girlfriend, apparently. Tak tries to cast a magic spell on Jeera that will allow her to float, but instead just lifts up the statue, which eventually winds up smashing into a million pieces. Methinks Tak kind of sucks as a sorcerer or a shaman or whatever it is that he's trying to be.

"Now, what are those magic words again? Hocus pocus? No... abra-cadabra? I don't
think so... bibbity bobbity boo? Nah, can't risk Disney's lawyers going after us..."

The Chief is mad at Tak for his failure at magic-using destroying his statue. Tak is all "I can just fix the statue with my magic, even though it's been established about five seconds ago that I'm not very good at magic!", but the Chief swipes his staff and declares that Tak is banned from the big banquet that they'll be having.

Then the other two chiefs show up. Say hello to Chief Zogsnob (Jeff Bennett)...

"Chiefs, chiefs everywhere..."

...and Chief Tinatina (Melanie Chartoff).

Isn't she technically a chieftess?

They have brought giant golden statues of themselves. Chief Zogsnob has also brought his pet bug, Puddles.

It's funny because an animal that isn't a dog is acting like a dog! LAUGH! Please, LAUGH!

So they have their little banquet and as the Chief rambles on about all the impressive things HIS tribe has been doing, Jeera spots Tak in a tree. She tosses him a roast pig on a plate in front of her, and it... hits him in the face, causing him to fall out of the tree and land right on the banquet table. Uh oh, I smell WHACKY SHENANIGANS coming our way!

Thanksgiving at the Nickelodeon Studio was a bit awkward. But, it was hardly the first time
that a character from a failing cartoon show was served as the main course. Why do you think
Yakkety Yak hasn't shown up since HIS show got cancelled?

Tak's staff goes off and zaps the Chief with its magic, and he's all mad until Zogsnob and Tinatina start laughing and going on about what a riot the Pupanunu shaman is. Then the Chief realizes that he can use this to his advantage and declares that Tak will be demonstrating more of his magic powers throughout the other chiefs' visit. I can only see THIS ending well...

First, the Chief has Tak shear the sheep with his magic.

Is magic even necessary to shear a sheep? Can't you just take them to the BAA-ber shop?

Ba-dum ksssssh.

Tak does so... but also manages to strip the Chief of his grass skirt. Next, the Chief has Tak fetch a coconut... only for Tak to conjure up an entire coconut tornado. Maybe I should have picked another cartoon to review - there's only so many jokes you can make about Tak being a failure at life before the review starts to become repetitive.

Uh... insert Wizard of Oz reference here, I've got nothing.

The Chief then proceeds to take the other Chiefs and Tak to a cave where some sort of ferocious beast they caught a while back dwells. Zogsnob says that he's sure Tak can tame the beast, but the Chief actually isn't as dumb as he appears because he claims that Tak is a little tired right now. "Aw, come on! Give it a go!" Zogsnob insists. Okay, let's get the Chief's inevitable mauling over with...

...oh, wait. Maybe the Chief WON'T get mauled after all. This is what the ferocious beast looks like:

Then again, since this is a cartoon there's a pretty good chance that the cute-looking animal is in fact a ravenous sharp-toothed monster who promptly attacks the Chief... yep, that's exactly what happens.

After the Chief is apparently eaten alive, we cut to Zogsnob and Tinatina talking about how the Chief is a moron and how Tak is so incompetent he'll likely wind up destroying the village before long. Little do they know that Jeera is listening in on them...

"Wait a minute, I'm not even in the games?! Then what the heck am I doing in this show?!"

Jeera goes to tell her father, and we get a joke about how Zogsnob and Tinatina gave the Chief a monkey, presumably for no other reason than because monkeys are funny, right?

"It was either this, a chicken, or a penguin. I felt the monkey had the biggest chance of
getting a laugh out of the audience."

"Dad, can't you see they're just trying to make a fool out of you?!" Jeera exclaims. "If you let them treat you like that, you're gonna get hurt!" Unfortunately, the monkey is screeching too loudly for the Chief to hear her. So then Jeera decides to go tell Tak. Surely HE will know what she's talking about.

TWO monkeys are not automatically funny either.

Alas, Tak is also a moron and is also wearing a monkey on his head. It's kind of depressing that the only character in the show who's actually competent is the one who isn't actually in the games. Fortunately, later that night Tak overhears Zogsnob and Tinatina badmouthing him and the Chief, and he quickly concocts a plan to give them their comeuppance.

We cut to him running up on stage and giving a big speech about how the Pupanunu are seen as the most pathetic tribe ever (for obvious reasons), but now he's going to prove that they aren't.

"Y'know, a funny thing happened to me on the way to the village tonight. I ran into a monkey
who said he hadn't had a bite in three days. So I let him bite me!"

Tak then proceeds to zap the remains of the Chief's statue with his staff... causing it to blow up and sending everyone flying. Whatever his plan was, I think it's pretty safe to say that it was an EPIC FAIL.

Zogsnob and Tinatina start chewing out the Chief for what losers he and his tribe are. Zogsnob even does the loser gesture. I feel dirty for agreeing with the episode's antagonists, but... honestly, they're not wrong. Jeera seems to be the only one in this village who ISN'T a massive idiot.

In fact, maybe the show should've just been about her. They could've called it "JEERA and the Power of Juju". Or maybe "Jeera and the Village of Incompetent Idiots That She Has to Put Up With on a Daily Basis".

He's lookin' kinda dumb.

(Sorry, I couldn't resist...)

The Chief gets mad and declares that Zogsnob and Tinatina have tried his patience long enough. "We may not have gold or silver," he claims, "Or even this strange substance you call 'soap', but we have our PUPUNUNU PRIDE! And the power of the mightiest shaman in the Seven Cliffs Area!"

Then the pieces of the statue reform back into a likeness of the Chief, much to everyone's shock. And then the statue comes to life! Because... Juju magic, I guess?

"THEY LOOK LIKE BIG, GOOD, STRONG HANDS, DON'T THEY? WELL, THESE BIG,
GOOD, STRONG HANDS ARE GREAT FOR PICKING UP TINY BUGS SO THAT I CAN
EAT THEM!"

The statue chases Zogsnob and Tinatina into the jungle, and the Chief praises Tak for doing the right thing... before demanding that he never do it again. Tak then proceeds to thank Jeera for being the one who actually has a brain by giving her... y'know what? I'll give you three guesses. Is it...

A) A MONKEY

B) A MONKEY

OR C) A MONKEY

The correct answer, of course, is A MONKEY. BECAUSE MONKEYS ARE FUNNY, RIGHT? RIGHT?!

RIGHT?!

Okay, next episode...

"The Party" begins with Tak bragging to Jeera about how it's because of him that the tribe hasn't had bad luck for three months. "We need to celebrate! Something really great!" he says. "Like... a PARTY!" Jeera reminds him of how the last party they had turned out. Apparently, they lit a firework that proceeded to BLOW UP THE MOON. No doubt this wound up wreaking havoc on the Earth's tides.

Great. Now the kid in the DreamWorks logo has nothing to sit on!

Tak's thoughts on the fact that his tribe destroyed the moon? "Hmmm. That explosion wasn't nearly as big as it should've been." Of course, as we've established, Tak is a moron. Jeera agrees with me and punches Tak in the arm for his stupidity, but he tells her not to worry, because he's calling in a professional... PARTY JUJU!

Why do sassy love interest characters in cartoons always make that exact same pose?
The hands on their hips thing? Do people still do that? Did they EVER do that?

So, who is this "Party Juju" of whom Tak speaks? Well, he's a skeleton in a Hawaiian shirt voiced by Rob Paulsen who is WHACKY and does WHACKY CRAP and can apparently duplicate himself because he's WHACKY. Something tells me that this is going to be a very annoying character.

He also kind of looks like an ape's skeleton, presumably another instance of the writers
assuming that primates are automatically funny.

Lord Hater's lunatic brother uses his magic powers to get the party STAR-TED, and then Tak makes the mistake of declaring that he doesn't want this party to ever end. Ever. Calling it - the Party Juju's gonna make it so that the party indeed never ends, and Tak will learn a valuable lesson about too much partying.

But for now, it's PARTY TIME!

Where's the cast of Viva Pinata! when you need them?

The next morning, Tak wakes up to discover that everyone is STILL dancing. Not by choice, apparently, in fact they're all incredibly tired. He confronts Party Juju, who tells him that he just did what Tak said - made it so that the party never ended. Called it.

"Alas, poor Party Juju. I hardly knew ye..."

"I didn't mean it LITERALLY!" Tak protests, but Party Juju says that he can't put an end to the party because he's Party Juju. If Tak wants to stop the party, he'll need to find his wife, Killjoy Juju, and Party Juju apparently has no idea where she is.

Also, there's a conga line headed right for the edge of a cliff. Tak uses his staff to reverse the conga line, then summons the one known as Killjoy Juju (Mary Birdsong).

Party Juju married THIS HIDEOUS THING? Well, they say love is blind...

Tak begs Killjoy to stop the party, but she is incredibly unhelpful, mainly because it's Party Juju who gets all the love. Then we get what is thus far the only funny joke in the entire episode - the conga line is headed straight for a volcano, unenthusiastically singing "We are going to burn UP. We are going to burn UP." Tak uses his staff to reverse them again, and they walk down the volcano chanting "That's a whole lot bet-TER. That's a whole lot bet-TER."

One funny joke, however, does not make up for subjecting the viewers to the ugliest thing
Nickelodeon has ever created.

Tak manages to convince Killjoy that Party Juju is very, very grateful for her party-stopping skills, which finally gets her to stop the party. The villagers are freed! And then the conga line still winds up falling off a cliff. Then getting crushed by a log. Then falling into the river. Then falling off a waterfall. Okay, I'll admit that was kind of funny too.

Party Juju and his hideous wife head home, and Tak takes a nap. Also, the Chief is still incredibly fat from all that party food he ate. So fat, in fact, that the earth opens up and swallows him whole. Fin.

What's the Verdict?

Honestly, I can see why this show didn't catch on. Every so often there's a joke that's at least sort of funny, but most of the time they just fall flat. The animation is pretty bad, even for 2007. Between the ugly character designs and the lack of textures, it's not very appealing to look at. The characters? Meh. Most of them can be summed up as "they're massive idiots". As I've said before, characters being massive idiots CAN be funny - SpongeBob and Patrick are idiots, and they're a lot of fun. Maybe had the writing been better, Tak's stupidity would've made him a more appealing character, but as is he's just kind of obnoxious and uninteresting. Jeera was okay, though. I still think the show would've been better off if it had just focused on her. As for the voice acting, Hal Sparks isn't doing much for me as the voice of Tak, Kari Wahlgren and Maurice LaMarche try their best but are bogged down by an awful script, and even Rob Paulsen and Patrick Warburton are basically wasted as the annoying Party Juju and a character who I didn't even bother to bring up because he only appears in one of the episodes I watched and doesn't do anything that's funny or relevant to the plot.

As a whole, Tak and the Power of Juju was an interesting experiment, but it's definitely not one of Nickelodeon's better shows. It's something that just existed and promptly failed because it had nothing going for it. As far as 2000s Nicktoons go, you'd be far better off watching something like Catscratch or The Penguins of Madagascar.

Further reading:
- Nothing But Cartoons' (much funnier) review of another episode of the show, in which Tak is tormented by a floating brain with eyes and then nearly eaten by a gigantic snake with horns. Yes, it's just as strange as it sounds.

And now, because I can't think of a funny joke to end the review on, here's a teaser for next week's review:

Don't know who these two are? Well, you'll have to find out next time. Sorry.

Let's Watch This: An Episode of "The Roman Holidays"

I've said this multiple times, but if something in animation is successful, you can expect other animation studios to try and cash-in on its success - even if the animation company attempting to cash-in on whatever it is that's successful is the very same animation company who made the successful thing that it's trying to cash-in on in the first place!

Case in point, Hanna-Barbera had a hit with The Flintstones. So they made ANOTHER animated sitcom taking place in another time period, The Jetsons. THAT was really successful too, so they decided to it a THIRD time. The result was a little show called The Roman Holidays.

The Roman Holidays was basically The Flintstones or The Jetsons in Ancient Rome, focusing on a stereotypical sitcom family living in the days of colosseums and gladiators. The head of the family - the Fred of the show - was Augustus "Gus" Holiday (voiced by Wacky Races narrator Dave Willock). He was married to Laurie Holiday (Shirley Mitchell) and they had two kids: teenage son Happius (Stanley Livingston) and kid daughter Precocia (Pamelyn Ferdin). They also had a pet lion, Brutus, voiced by Daws Butler using his Snagglepuss voice (though he didn't really talk - he just said things like "Growl", "Snarl", and "Whimper"). To make the comparisons to The Flintstones even more blatant, they even use animals in place of household appliances every so often. The show premiered on NBC in September of 1972.

Did the show succeed in becoming another Flintstones? That would be a no. It only lasted thirteen episodes before getting cancelled. Unlike Hanna-Barbera's other "sitcom in another time period" shows, it didn't get any spin-offs or movies or anything like that. It got a comic book, though... a comic book that only got four issues, but still. Why did it fail? I don't know. Why don't we watch an episode and see if we can figure out why The Roman Holidays turned out to be a yabba-dabba-dud? Specifically, we'll be watching the episode "Hero-Sandwiched" (I just picked an episode of the show at random). Let's meet the Roman Holidays!

The episode begins at some place called "Tycoonius Industries", which is apparently some sort of bank where they just hand out free money. Is that a thing that banks do? Or at least used to do? Anyhow, Gus complains about how long the line is. Then some robbers show up and steal all the money because robbers do that.

This leads to our first example of Flintstones-style "animals used in place of appliances" joke - the guy behind the counter has an "alarm" that consists of him pulling on a jaguar's tail, causing the jaguar to howl in pain, which in turn alerts a parrot who starts ringing a bell. Even ignoring the fact that this is technically animal abuse, wouldn't it be easier to just ring the bell yourself and have THAT be the alarm?

Oh, hey, the generic "fat thug and skinny thug" duo we've seen in a bunch of other animated things.
It's never two fat thugs or two skinny thugs, is it?

On their way out, they swipe the sash from Gus' toga, and he winds up being dragged along for their getaway. When all the other folks in town see this, they assume Gus is chasing the crooks and start talking about how brave he is. Even the THIEVES think he's chasing after them, and nobody notices the sash connecting Gus to the chariot. Clearly everyone in ancient Rome needs glasses.

Eventually, the thieves are stopped by a traffic cop, and some woman tells him that Gus caught the thieves - one of whom is Fingers Felonius, the city's most wanted criminal. Zhe odds, vhat are zhey?

That's a pretty advanced-looking camera for Ancient Rome.

So now everybody thinks that Gus is a hero. Usually in cartoons, when a character is assumed to have stopped some robbers or saved a bunch of people or something like that, they're all for it and start acting like they're the greatest thing since sliced bread. But Gus? He insists to his family that he is not, in fact, a hero. He might be George Jetson in a toga, but he's not a hero.

Hey, what about the traffic cop? HE'S the one who made the thieves stop. Why isn't HE getting the "he's a hero" treatment?

This screencap of Brutus holding Gus and making that face looks kind of
suggestive out of context, doesn't it?

Brutus kisses Gus, prompting Laurie to quip, "See the way he LIONIZES you?" Nyuck nyuck nyuck. Puns. Then the family gets a visit from landlord Mr. Evictus (Dom DeLuise). Get it? Evictus? Usually, Mr. Evictus is a grouchy fella, but he's actually in a pleasant mood for once. He thanks Gus, for because of his selfless act, he can double the tenants' rent. "It costs extra to live next door to a national hero!" he says.

Oh, great. Now the other tenants are gonna suffer because of Gus.

Was this Dom DeLuise's first voice acting job?

After that, Gus gets a call from his boss, Mr. Tycoonius (Hal Smith). He says that they're going to throw a big dinner in Gus' honor that night. Gus faints. As for me, I'm just wondering why they have telephones in Ancient Rome. I'm no expert on telephones or Ancient Rome, but I'm pretty sure that telephones weren't invented until long after the days of Ancient Rome. I know, I know, it's a cartoon, I shouldn't expect historical accuracy, but still...

Seriously, that's a pretty modern-looking (well, modern-looking in the 1970s, at least) phone
for a show taking place in Ancient Rome.

At the dinner, Gus is presented with a medal. And it's only NOW that he lets the fame of being a supposed hero go to his head. I knew it was only a matter of time. When he gets home, he makes out with his reflection in a mirror. No, really. I think even Zapp Brannigan would be rolling his eyes at that.

In the middle of the night, Gus is woken up by a tiny duplicate of himself who claims to be his conscience.

"I thought consciences looked like crickets..."

"You're beginning to think you ARE a hero!" his conscience complains. "Fooling other people is bad enough, but fooling YOURSELF is a far worse crime! Trying to live up to this hero image could be your downfall!" But we can't have Gus deciding to tell the truth just yet or else the episode will be over in five seconds, so he tells his conscience to bug off.

Gus continues to act like he's basically the Hercules of Ancient Rome as he heads off to work. On his way there, he runs into this guy.

Just look at those teeth!

He introduces himself as "Ten Percentium" (clearly voiced by John Stephenson), an agent, and encourages Gus to go into show business (there's no business like it, after all). "Sign with me and I'll book you on the Johnny Carsonious show!" he boasts. Yes, apparently Johnny Carson existed in Ancient Rome too. I don't know about you, but I'm learning a lot from this cartoon.

You know what I just realized? This episode has the exact same plot as Shark Tale. Should I be concerned about that?

Gus quits his job at the factory, then his conscience shows up again and tries to get Gus to stop acting like such an arrogant moron, but it doesn't do any good. Soon he's appearing on the Johnny Carsonious show alongside superstar "Va Va Glamore". Guess which celebrity SHE'S supposed to be a parody of (hint: it's not Dolly Parton).

This is Johnny Carsonious. He has the ability to make his top half levitate.

Va Va Glamore starts flirting with Gus, and he's totally eating it up despite, y'know, BEING MARRIED. His family is watching the show on TV or whatever the Ancient Rome equivalent of a TV is called, and Laurie is understandably none too pleased to see that.

"I've always had a thing for Fred Flintstone wannabes..."

After the appearance on Johnny Carsonious, Gus goes on a six-month tour. Again, what about the TRAFFIC COP? Shouldn't HE be treated like a hero to? How come GUS is getting all the glory?

And then guess who shows up yet again?

"How many times must I tell you to stop being such a tool?!"

The conscience guilt-trips Gus by showing him how much his family needs him. Since he hasn't been home in six months, Laurie has to do the ironing and washing.

Well, at least the elephant's happy to help her.

And little Precocia has been reduced to standing on the curb selling flowers. And just to add insult to injury, she's allergic to fresh petunias!

I think even Dick Dastardly would look at Gus at this point and go, "Wow, this guy is
despicable."

And what about Happius? He's shining sandals on some street corner!

How does he avoid shining the rest of the foot? That sounds rather difficult with sandals...

Even Brutus is suffering - he's been forced to beg door to door for scraps. And despite his impressive fiddle-playing, he gets a door slammed in his face! What the heck?! If I opened the door and saw a lion standing on two legs playing the fiddle (or ANY type of musical instrument, for that matter), I'd be pretty impressed...

At least he's not hungry enough to start eating people. He IS a lion, after all...

And yet, despite seeing all of that, Gus tells his conscience that he can't quit now - he's due on the Martin Dino show. Gus is such a likeable character, isn't he? I thought the theme song said that we would LOVE Gus. I do NOT "love" Gus. I don't even kinda like Gus.

Is it wrong to say that I hope he gets punched in the face at some point?

Then Gus and Ten Percentium come across a boy selling newspapers. "Extra! Extra! Hero saves Leaning Tower from falling!" he yells. "We got a NEW hero now!" Yes, a guy named Flavio Octavio has been named "Hero of the Year" for preventing the Leaning Tower of Pisa from collapsing, and upon finding this out Ten Percentium tells Gus to take a hike. I probably shouldn't be satisfied by this, but y'know what? Gus still refuses to cancel a booking on a talk show after finding out that his young daughter has to stand on the curb selling something she's allergic to in order to pay the bills (or whatever the Ancient Rome equivalent of bills are). I consider this karma.

Fortunately, this makes Gus realize that he's been acting like a massive tool. "I should've told the truth in the beginning," he moans. But, hey, at least he still has his wife... OR DOES HE?

Okay, that's literally just Fred from Scooby-Doo with a perm.

Yes, the Karma Train just a-keeps on chuggin' down the track - Laurie has hooked up with Flavio Octavio! Likely out of revenge for seeing Gus soak up all that flirting from Va Va Glamore earlier. Gus winds up getting into a brawl with Flavio... and then wakes up. Apparently, everything after the dinner was just a dream. So Gus ISN'T such a massive jerk after all!

Gus tells the entire town that he is not, in fact, a hero. "I'm a phony," he says. But his family is proud of him for telling the truth. Even his boss is proud - he's so proud that he gives him a promotion. The end.

BUT WHAT ABOUT THE TRAFFIC COP?

What's the Verdict?

To be honest, The Roman Holidays is another one of Hanna-Barbera's more mediocre shows. It isn't awful or anything, it just doesn't have much going for it. The show does a rather lousy job of hiding its being a Flintstones clone (I think even The Jetsons did more to stand out). The jokes aren't all that funny. The characters? Well, for one thing, it's a bad sign when your character acts like an egotistical tool who neglects his family for a good chunk of the episode. The only thing preventing Gus from being one of my most disliked characters in all of the shows that I've looked at on my blog thus far is that it was all just a dream and he isn't REALLY like that. The wife is basically just Jane Jetson 2.0, not much of a personality and just there to be the loving wife and mother. And the kids and Brutus don't have enough screentime in this episode for me to really judge them.

Look, I'll admit that few of Hanna-Barbera's shows are on the same level, complexity-wise, as Shakespeare or Warner Brothers' cartoons or anything like that. A lot of animated shows aren't (I mean, come on, you can't tell me that My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic is a super-complex show). Hanna-Barbera's shows are carried almost entirely by the characters. The more charm one of their characters has, the better their productions are. Wally Gator, Magilla Gorilla, and Yogi Bear aren't super-complex characters, but they don't NEED to be. They've got friendly personalities, great voices, funny lines, and distinct character designs. They work their way into our minds and stick around for a while because we like them. So what if they don't have as many layers as an onion or an ogre? We don't watch Hanna-Barbera cartoons because we're expecting multi-layered writing. We watch them because goofy talking animals make us laugh.

Bottom line, the characters are the main difference between a good Hanna-Barbera production and a bad Hanna-Barbera production. The more memorable the show's characters are, the better the show is. The characters in The Roman Holidays are dull and unmemorable. My advice would be to just rewatch The Flintstones or The Jetsons instead.

What are we looking at next time?